Tuesday, June 28, 2005

[[]]

我突然間好想發呆
什麼都不做 慢無目的的發呆
最近的我很納悶
為什麼明明自己就不是一個很安靜的人
我又不是自閉 又不是一個木頭人
為何總是都要跟著別人所要
來表現自己
怎麼總是讓我覺得我是一個那麼沒用的人
為何總要我扛著一個包袱
為何每次都要我一個人去面對

我也會有情緒
有時我也有話想說
我又不是個機器人
怎麼連一點尊重都不給我
態度很爛你可否知道
別把責任一味得推到我這裡來

要感謝你讓我學會
不能對你們抱有任何希望
越是期待 越會讓人失望
‘受傷的翅膀 總有一天會慢慢的變好’
我還在盼望那一天的到來
這過程或許長
是煎熬是考驗

如果說放棄就放棄
那可多好啊...

Thought of you at... |8:50 PM|

_____________

Sunday, June 26, 2005

[[]]

you know things aren't working out when you feel sick of everything that is going around you.

you feel restricted.

you feel like you cant be yourself.

you feel alone.

you feel that your happiness is being selfishly taken away from you.

and this isn't the first time you're feeling this way.

you feel insecure.

you start having dreams about the whole world abandoning you.

you start dreaming about people being dead.

you start to wonder how much you mean to some people and how much some people mean to you.

you start to worry about losing your loved ones to others.

you feel that it isn't fair.

you feel alone in a big crowd.

your mind drifts away and you just feel like killing yourself cos it is your own fault you're in such a state.

you feel sick and disgusted with yourself.

you don't feel like talking about some things.

you don't feel like talking to some people.

you feel tired.

you start to worry about how things are developing in a way it shouldn't be.

you are very angry and upset.

but you can't do anything about it or to show it.

you gotta learn how to cope on your own.

you question your existence and importance.

you want acknowledgment.

you need assurance.

you demand attention.

you are thirsty for love.

but you just don't get what you want.

you feel sad.

you feel overwhelmed.

you just feel like you want to die.

quoted from one blogger. exactly how i'm feeling
now.

Thought of you at... |2:33 PM|

_____________

Friday, June 10, 2005

[[everything too late now?]]

- everything too late now? *

愛的記憶會像鐵盒一樣生鏽嗎?

i guess i shouldn't have opened that box..

or was it just in time i should to read all those hurtful words all over again..
i know why now. i got all the reasons. but everything in time? too late.
when i had nothing to say, ppl was there for me. but when i had or really needed a listening ear, things are totally opposite.
i dont get life sometimes..
when they always say after u lost it then u'll noe how to cherish it.
but how when u dint even taste the feeling of losing it in the first place?
it's just a matter of time. and the viscious cycle goes on.
whenever they're here. i think i'm sorta cursed.
that year, i wanted to make it to the event with her.
i wanted to prove to them that we'll stand strong and want him to do that too.
but in the end, did we?
i waited for her, i looked forward to it so much but in the end it was just false hope.
i guess that's how people entirely give up on something.
and only come back after all the hatred is over.
is it that way? does it always have to be that way?

discouraged to do anything now.

i know there's not a single chance left. give it up?
no matter what the ending is still the same.
i should have read the signs.
but. careless me got too focussed on some other thing they dint realize and misunderstood me for.
again. everything starts from a simple misunderstanding.
i'm so sick of this whole thing.
sometimes i wanna run away from reality and block all those distractions coming into my direction.
i wanna leave this place forever at this state and not to suffer all these once again.
i need some focus in life to move on.
i think all i need is a new beginning.
but~ there isn't.
i know.. reality sets past everything.
either face it or turn it around and live life again.
but can i?
with the simplest thought i know my true friends will get it straight in their mind.
she wont be able too.

Thought of you at... |8:40 PM|

_____________

Friday, May 20, 2005

[[]]

傷口-張智成
詞曲:袁惟仁 演唱:張智成

我們彼此留下一個無法痊癒的傷口給對方
痛著醒來 痛著入睡
即使早已遠離 當時的戰場
遺憾昨日的笑容無法出現在今天的臉上
那些模樣 歷經滄桑
寧願提醒自己 該如何學習遺忘
傷口被時間賄賂
傷口讓勇氣沉默
傷口沒收了原本屬於我藍色的天空
你還是可以溫柔
傷痛讓我去承受
傷口竟成了如今找尋你的線索
(只是別忘了原本屬於你的是我)

Thought of you at... |10:32 AM|

_____________

Thursday, May 19, 2005

[[]]

I'm in such a bad mood i can't help but to vent all my anger out here. i don't even bother who is reading this, or whatever? this is my blog and i got all the rights to say what i want~ sometimes, u dont have to always do things to please people, am i right? if not people will just take u for granted, or treat u like shit. ba ni xiang shi yi yang cai zhe. i got my own limits too, and amidst all the things u have done for me, so what? all it turned out was not something i desired, and sorry to say for all the troubles caused.

another thing tt make me so pissed. this IDIOTIC FUGGY, NICHOLAS LO. YES UR BIG NAME HERE, & if u're wondering who he is. he MUST BE SOME chi bao mei shi zuo, chi tai bao, 24 hrs guarding at a stupid forum GEEKY IT maddo with glasses, with flabby fats all over his body plus a very KAY-POH personality, who like to put his noses into other people's business HAGGARD!!! i was at that particular yahoo group to ad on some Kang Xi Lai Le VCDs that i was selling, and he must be buay song with all the good bucks i was earning, he went to reply my post, SAYING THAT THOSE PPL WHO WANT THE VCDS CAN GET EM FREE BY DLD-ING FROM THOSE BT WEBSITES. hello assie, U NOE NOT ALL BT FILES ARE THERE FOR U THIS KINDA SHITTY IT FREAKO TO DOWNLOAD N KEEP DOWNLOADING AS IF THERE'S NO END OK?! those seedings and sharing of files at BT do end, and those clips i'm selling are all SO long ago! like those clips as far as Jay Chou's clip last yr. U USE UR BUTT TO THINK where can u get ppl to transfer those files to u NOW IN 2005? huh? and ppl do come online to sell this clips for fans or ppl interested in watching the shows and have missed watching em or wanna keep em or to watch em again. SO WHAT EXACTLY IS UR PROB HERE HUH? ALL THANKS TO U CHEAPO, there's one group member who might hv been interested in the vcds, REPLIED and asked u how to transform BT clips to RM. Obviously he/she has totally no idea of how BT works, AND U KAY-POH still can bother to reply him about each and single steps of how to do it! U MUST BE TOO FREE after watching soccer and who noes porn maybe and thanks for being so HELPFUL yah?

PHEW.. sorry for all the unsightly words used earlier in this post. pardon me. i'm really pissed with such irritating ppl everywhere! he is the most kpo guy i ever seen in my whole life i swear! and all those words i used were influenced by *xiaxue*. all thanks to her! :) and i might sound really despo to get all those $$ from the sales whatever. was because, i'm hooking on shopping *sigh* =/ and foreseeing that there's more stuffs i needa get esp when school reopens, makes me more freaked out to get more deals in and pissing me of those dead bidders around at yahoo. My yellow hollister tee hasnt arrive and it is way too worrying cos tt seller said she will send it out on tues. Plus the wet weather and everything just gives me an impression that mails can get lost so easily during this period of time! and i sorta regretted for not getting registered mail. ok blame it on me but i dint wanna trouble abby too much as there was quite a big sum $$ transfered out already. and the necklace arrived straightaway after the day it was sent out, that's why its ALL MAKING ME WORRY SO MUCH. i'm just so tensed now, amidst all those fuming stuffs that happened.

and just now when i was across Ebay auctions. i found that the same seller of that necklace, iS SELLING THE SAME NECKLACE AT 9.90! n i bought it over for 10.90! ok u can say its only 1 dollar diff, hey but tt means alot to me also ok! is all my money and savings i'm using here.. and dont u think its so unethical for that seller to do that. pricing the same items different at two different auctions, thinking that we sellers wont find out yah? felt so cheated! i got an urge to revise his ratings at yahoo to a neutral seller, but forget it. i'm currently losing the surge to fight it all out and troublesome to talk over all these screw-headed guys. I shall just lose my cool over this issue and remain this posture. no ugly fights with guys. that's my policy i shall keep.

Thought of you at... |1:00 PM|

_____________

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

[[]]

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Thought of you at... |11:09 AM|

_____________

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

[[]]

hey i'm so bored.. suddenly i rmb i still got a blog here.. so i've decided to come back again.. wahaha i noe this is siaoness.. i completely chuck my blog aside for ages again.. just now log in tt time was still a bit : this face.. cos all my links, icons, texts ah.. all turned TO CHINESE. omg. freaky.. i wonder what happened to blogger.. like as if it spent some time detecting that my XP system was under Chinese (Taiwan) settings and changed its language settings to accomodate such a user. =.= hmmm? what had i been up to this hols? well crazy online-shopping-spree! ahh not exactly, but really manage to digged some good deals out of the forum n auctions i saw.. and managed to earn some back too! muahaha this is the fun part.. what goes around comes about.. wheeee~ that's what i like about auctions the most. well, did the most shopping thru out my life man.. which made my hands on clicking the mouse went totally out of control. hmmm? like going thru the forum pages over n over n refreshing them. has been awhile since i was so maddd over those forum pages eversince after the "toro-frenzy". =D Talking about Toro, he's coming next Saturday. YES forever coming to SG whenever my school starts! Eeks! That time Ren Wo Ao You also liddat.. damn sians can............. make me no mood to go see him also =X

haizzzz dunno man.. long time no chase with 10grasses. wonder how would it be like? somemore dunno whether ky is going or not? must be busy mugging with O's already.. then it would be like only me n nana with JRLS+JiaYun le! haizzz think about this also sians.. cant forget those chasing days.. hahaha fun with lotsa sweat n laughter, not forgetting those pain and disappointment we went thru. though kinda sucky but sort of brought everyone closer in some ways. =) dunno that Idiot will turn dao or not this time, or dunno whether he'll forget our names or not! maybe not ours bah, maybe my name wahaha. cos its really a LONGGGGGGG time since i went down to see him even tho he was in sg tt time. hMMMM.. what to do. my idol got short-term memory.. haiz CMI ah.

As this hols comes to an end, i just cant help but to realize that i havent really achieve what i wanna do or what i planned earlier! like a makeover, or get a new hairdo, or learn something new or whatever. (learn how to "shop-online" yah) hMmm only thing i think i accomplished was some new clothes, but not really enough to start with a brand-new ME. and without new things cannot be a brand-new ME oso lah. hoho mabbe just an excuse =X. Arghs!! just not motivated. wahaha those things i used to think was important doesnt seem to be now. maybe ppl change. or maybe ppl will learn how to walk out of the past and follow the other direction to put their past behind? hmmm i dunno what makes me feel this way. probably its becos of... "zhe shi tong qing bu shi gan qing"=dunno how true would it be now? some ppl do forget about their past v fast.. or prob say they really can just totally forget about u once they leave u (vice-versa). prob both r us r lyk tt.. so this is the ending we face. ahhhhhh i dunno~~~~

anyways i didn't noe blogging can be so fun and interesting to kill time. wahaha ok i'm slow.. probably i'll come back to write another blog entry soon. SOON. wahaha tt's all folks.

Thought of you at... |11:33 AM|

_____________

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

[[]]

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Thought of you at... |11:08 AM|

_____________

Sunday, May 01, 2005

[[]]

Song playing now: Wo bu nan guo-Stefanie Sun

Nothing.. suddenly got the feeling to come back and po this song.. suddenly tot of the meaning of this song.. wo bu nan guo?

can we go back to those summer days..? those times that time had washed away.. i wonder i wonder..

i feel so down tonight.. feel as if there's so many things out of my control.. there seems to be something missing from my heart.. and i've totally no idea and no clue of its existence.. how it came to be.. how it feels.. i just dont know.. or maybe, its dead already..

我不難過? 都是騙人的....

Thought of you at... |11:30 PM|

_____________

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

[[]]

自己愛的人距離遠如天與地

愛自己的人距離卻只差一步而已

愛一個人,他的滿足,就是自己最大的幸福

不愛一個人就請放了他,請別利用一個用生命去愛你的人

他可以找到更好的,又何必毀了他被愛的自由

付出不是因為回報,而只是因為想看他過的比現在更好

得到沒有微笑,為何看不透放手讓他飛翔

雙方面的愛令人羨慕,單方面的愛應該選擇祝福

我明白愛與不愛,是心的變動

無法阻止改變的你我,只好在心碎後再一次的
深深愛過

Thought of you at... |11:36 AM|

_____________

Storyboard Author

*sTrAnGeR
*200687
*evelyn_hihi@hotmail.com

My Hates

*suck-ups
*being misunderstood
*the feeling u get when u wake up from a dream. the emptiness.

My Favourites

*helpful ppl
*chocs
*huggies~

My Memories

|September 2004|October 2004|November 2004|December 2004|January 2005|February 2005|March 2005|April 2005|May 2005|June 2005

Song Title

*song title here

My Blabberbox

-Insert

Tag

Board

here-