After seeing what has happened lately, it would probably be the right time to slap myself back to the earth. There are many things I should be concerned about. many things I should put my effort to and many things I have done unnecessarily. How can I be so stupid and wasted my effort for getting a man to love me back instead of loving others that deserved more love? How can I be stupid to hate someone when I could've done something better for myself instead of constantly producing my energy for emotional causes. Thank goodness for me. There are a bigger picture in the world. My friends, do not make mistakes like mine. One man, is not important. Hate, is stupid. Do not love and get hurt. Love, to feel grateful, and do deeds that are far more important than crying under your blanket alone in your bedroom.
Do something for yourself and the world!
Maybe I'm a little too old fashioned? I'm not sure but I think listening to the radio gives me beautiful feelings; A sense of belonging. I don't mean just listening them in the car, or some department store by chance. People might have taken the effort of the invention for granted. To me, the music played in the radio is different from the same music played in the MP3 or what sort ever. I don't really know how to explain it. It accompanies you when you feel quiet, somehow if you give it a chance, it will become your good companion. somehow if you give it a chance, you'll know what I mean. :)
I just realized the reason behind being gloomy lately. I thought that it might be just because I'm bored. I have nothing to do, nothing to look forward to and the only thing that kept me company was my little best mate Rusty (guinea pig) but, it all turns out not really just because of that. I somehow felt lonely when I am alone. This queer feeling that I had, it was really the first time I really experience it. It was a mixture of sour and bitter and yet a little tip of sweetness.
I was then alone in my room, just seeing my cousin off with her date and hearing my house-mate talking on the the phone with her acquaintance next. I was watching a TV show on my laptop but my mind was somewhere else. I was thinking. It was just about 3 when I started crying alone. The house with people living in it, have no sense of family at all I thought, but that was just me. All the people the the house are lovely and they have their own life. So I don't ask for anything much. Then I thought of my family; Dad, mum, my brother... I cried more.
Before when I was younger, when I first left home alone just for a holiday, I told everyone when they asked me if I missed my family. I would always replied 'No, cause I'll meet them again.'
But now, this time, it's different. I'm homesick.
I feel so emotional...
BUT!!!
I'M MEETING THEM NEXT WEEK, SO I GUESS I AM FINALLY HAPPY AGAIN!
I don't really know how to explain it.
I finally got to have feelings again for another man.
But every time, I get so confused.
a minute he raise my hope like fireworks,
the next minute He plant them back down to the earth.
Sometimes, I feel like I have to bake a cream pie and slap it on his face.
Then he'll realise how creamy that Cream pie is.
But that's not the point.
Vat am I talking about?????
I guess what I'm missing right now is 'Motivation'. Though I am still optimistic about everything. One thing I regret the most is not realizing how music meant so much to me- and when I do, I was already 18. It's sad, I know, taking up my violin at still the level of what I supposed to achieved years and years ago just like those primary boys and girls, I feel a little reckless, but I guess it cannot be helped. This passion inside me, burns with excitement but yet urges to give me more time so I could really see what I love as a reality instead of just a dream. I want to be on stage playing with the other musician, I want to also be well known, I want my parents to be impressed with me but for now, I have to focus on other dreams before I can get to this one. I have many options, I don't hate any of them, but I just hope, if only.. I could realize this Passion sooner, my whole life would probably be a lot more... Colourful.
Strange isn't it, every time I came back here, it must be months! It felt short here, but really, many things happened. Now I'm in a different area, college, having my new life with the same old self. I have to say, I'm enjoying the changes! OKAY lets not start feeling nostalgic or something like that..so, to simply sum up the whole thing.
- Currently in Singapore right now
- (Skyping with a friend at this very moment)
- In a Design college
- happy
- Pet guinea pig
- something ssomething somethinggg.. and
- yeah...
that's pretty much it. :D
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