Miss me?

You feel like life isn't fair when you see people who broke your heart into pieces get to live their life in happiness while you were left alone brokenhearted & have wasted your past few years in misery & frustration. When you finally realize that you've been the dumbest person in the world all this time, you feel like you're too old to fall for someone again. So yes, life is not fair at all. 
#whatifeel

Jiwakacau

Jiwa kacau. Perasaan bercampur aduk. Hormon x stabil. Kepala berpusing-pusing. Sakit!

Happy birthday to myself.

Happy 18th bday (plus 15! Hihi) to myself. Wish sy pada tahun ini adalah supaya dipertemukan jodoh yg baik, beriman dan penyayang.amin. 😜😜😜😜

Tq abah mak blanja eskrem nih ganti kek. 😍😍😍😍

Jodoh itu milik mereka.

Scroll wall fb..terbaca ramai kawan2 sambut anniversary masing2 hari ni. Me? I'm not really sure anymore if i will ever get that chance. 

i'm too old for that.

Tiba-tiba rasa macam aku dah too old utk bercintan cintun mcm zaman remaja. Lagi pulak bila ada budak2 yg menggunakan bahasa itew..kitew..jew..bla3 berminat nak kenal2. Adoihhh. Akak x boleh trima laa bahasa kew jew itew nih dik oi. Nampak sangat pemikiran aku dah ke arah pemikiran emak- emak. HAHA

Teacher's day 2015

Happy teacher's day to myself And fellow teachers.

Short vacation to Sydney - day 2

16th mac 2015

Koala sanctuary park, Scenic World (blue mountains)..

Short vacation to Sydney, NSW, Oz- day 1

15th mac 2015..

Harbor bridge, Captain cook cruise, sydney opera house..

syukur...

Bersyukur, aku masih bernafas pada hari ini. Walaupun terasa nafas semakin sempit. Heh  

Why?

It is so hard for me to fall asleep at night this past few days. Macam2 mengganggu fikiran.Have you ever wished that sometimes you can just erase memories? Get rid of things that you dont want to remember anymore. Sbb makin ingat makin sakit. Sangat sakit. Kenapa penipu wujud dalam dunia ni? Dan kenapa juga aku boleh menjadi sebegitu lurus sampai boleh kena tipu dengan teruk? Kenapa senang sangat percaya bila orang cakap dia sayang aku or whatever? Seriously, how could i be that stupid? 

Broken into pieces..

My old flame requested to be my fren on fb. It's weird but it's okay. I approved. It's no big deal since my feelings for him are not the same as before. Since he also didnt have any bad intention, it's fine with me. So we chatted. After almost 2 years. It's kinda weird, though. But I dont feel anything anymore. Not the way i used to feel every time i talked to him years ago. I guess I've changed. And he's changed too. In fact, he's not the HE i used to love. Things changed. A LOT. 

I think I've really given up hopes. With him or anyone else. I really couldn't stand another heartbreak. Seriously, i can't. Feels like my heart was ripped out of my chest and died. Seems like I have no feelings anymore. I am tired to try already. REALLY REALLY tired of being hurt, over and over again. Tired of meeting any more liars. Please, not anymore! I lost hopes already. Maybe there's no more chance for me..It hurts me so much to even think about this.

A walk down memory lane...

Dear Old flame..

I was brokenhearted again. :(

You are the first person that comes into my mind everytime i was brokenhearted. No matter how many times i was hurt by those people who claimed to love me, but turned out to be PENIPU, the person i think of is always you. 

You know why? 

Because you were the only one who was being HONEST. And all those memories with you are REAL and TRUE. And all of my relationships after you were mostly based on LIES.

Thank you for all the memories.. They will always be the most precious to me cause i know i can never have memories like that anymore. Every guy who claimed to love me after you turned to be INSINCERE & LIARS..and i dont understand why. Did they enjoy playing with my heart? Did they enjoy  hurting my feeling?  Was it fun playing with people's feelings like that? What did they want actually? Seriously, i still dont get it. I was always being true and honest but still, i was the one getting hurt. 

Each and every time, every guy i fell for turned out to be LIARS or even worse, PLAYERS. You might say, how could i be that stupid to trust someone that easy. I dont know..things just happened. In fact, i was actually tired waiting for you. I lost that HOPE (that i will end up being married to you) since things were always complicated between us. I told myself to give myself a chance. A chance with someone else. It was REALLY hard for me..only Allah knows..how much i loved you. And those many years i've wasted just to wait for you..it really broke my heart into pieces. It hurts. It still hurts every time i think about it.

When i started to open up my heart..i always get the wrong guys. ALWAYS! i was being too honest without even realize that i was actually being fooled by them. They didnt actually love me..they just love to play with my heart. And i ended up to be BROKENHEARTED.  Over and over again. It is sad, isnt it? How pathetic my love life could be, considering my age now. 

At this moment, i really have no idea which guys are good or which are bad anymore. One word - SERIK. serik utk kena tipu lagi. I am too tired of that..sangat-sangat penat dan serik. feels like i have given up HOPE and everything.

Sometimes, i hope that i could go back to the past (year 2000 to be spesific) when i first saw you.. and relive the memories i had with you..so that i could fix whatever went wrong..but how is that possible? Sudah takdir. But one thing you should know is, I CAN NEVER HATE YOU. You are my FIRST LOVE and you will always be. 

Whatever happens, i hope everything is fine with your life. And i hope, this time, i can REALLY let you go.

Yours sincerely,

The Rock (the name i asked you to call me when we first knew each other. I wonder if you still remember?)