Silky hair and smooth marrow

Today there was a badminton girls gathering that I wasn't able to go for (because it involves sports). Not that I don't do sports because that would be illogical considering that I spent the last decade of my life being in sports.
But it was cuz I didn't feel up to running about with my bloated lungs and occasional coughing fits. :(
And also because I had already previously arranged to watch Rapunzel with YL and SY.
Of course the girls will always be in my heart, even if I'm not there in fats.

Rapunzel was great. It was entertaining, I've been waiting to watch it since the trailers came out, even contemplating watching it alone. Sometimes it's just easier to watch a movie alone, no tedious planning, last minute pang sehs, or waiting to fit in with each other's schedules. We should all watch a movie alone once in a while, it's actually more fun than it sounds.
Sometimes, it's also fun to watch with other people, as you laugh together and ask each other how the movie was afterwards.
And that was the case with Rapunzel, I would have enjoyed it alone, but I also enjoyed watching it with the two working girls who came all the way to Nex to watch it with me hahaha. Poor SY had to wait 20min for parking, then gobble down dinner in 10min.
As it was we missed the first 15 minutes of the movie. I enjoyed the visuals, the musicality and the overall adorableness of the green thingy that was the chameleon. Rapunzel's hair was amazingly smooth and silky and I wondered aloud "whatever shampoo's she's using I want it" which made SY snort.
After the movie, SY was gushing "that was so good!" and then she turned to me and asked "did you cry?!" I raised my brows at her and went "huh?" then she turned to YL and said "you cried right!
I saw you doing this! *wipes her eyes*"
"Nooo, I was doing this! *rubs her nose* Because it was itchy!" YL defended.

Afterwards as we walked home from Nex (walked!! From Serangoon to Hougang!!) I said to YL "the chameleon reminds me of Tacky! The eyes..."
"...and the small companion you depend on..." YL continued.
"Yah that too...Why don't they make movies about turtles? I would totally support it." Heidi mused sadly.

My life is based on irony. When I got home, I checked online for movies to watch, and 'Sammy's Adventures' came out. That sounded like it would be a good movie if you're still in diapers and under the height of 100cm (yes despite my apparent shortness I do reach beyond 100cm).
However there weren't too many choices so I went to google about what sort of movie that it.

Get this, it is a movie about...


"A sea turtle who was hatched in 1959 spends the next 50 years traveling the world while it is being changed by global warming."

Okay...So we not only have a movie about turtles, the whole movie REVOLVES around turtles...growing up...for the next 50 years. It's a bloody Bildungsroman for a Sea Turtle. And no, it doesn't look particularly appealing (for one thing Sammy has an odd oblong head that reminds me more of a luohan fish/Casper the friendly ghost lovechild (and where are the nostrils dammit??) than cuteness personified. I'm sorry but the REAL turtles are cuter.)
So uh, I shall eat crow's pie and not support this turtle movie.


The chameleon, even the horse for goodness sakes, is cuter than Sammy. Meet Pascal the chameleon!

I should get one of these, yes? It's even cute how its name is Pascal. Named after a French philosophe? There must be a link behind that name somewhere, I need to think about it.


Ok enough of my love affair with cute reptiles.
Now I must go on to my love affair with bones.
Bone marrow.
Tulang merah to be exact.

picture courtesy of not mine thanks.
I've been wanting to try this particular dish for a long long time. In fact, doesn't it look a little like Pascal the chameleon?
Ok that's morbid I know.
So anyways, on our way from walking the interminable distance home with YL, she pointed out to a 24-hour prata shop and said "the teh tarik there is good!"
Teh tarik? Really? Oooh I just looooove teh tarik!
"OK!"
"Uh you sure or not, with your cough?"
"You see ah, *Heidi slips into logical voice mode* I don't drink also I cough, I drink also I cough, I will still cough! So might as well drink right."
So we did.

We ordered two tehs and sat down and I looked and I saw this dish on the badly lit signboard and immediately...
"you wanna try that!??" said Heidi.
"Ok, I don't mind! I would treat you but I have no money..."
"It's ok, I was thinking I should treat you!" Heidi was excited.

The dish finally arrived looking much like it did in the picture above.
Crimson, gooey and...
"Uhhh...so strange..." YL stared askance at the red piles of indeterminable stuff.
It arrived with two bubble tea straws which I thought was funny.
"This is for sucking up the marrow!"

"Har, how do you eat this? You mean you can eat bone marrow??"
"YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IS BONE MARROW?"
"I know, but I didn't know can eat...Do dogs eat bones because of that?"
"Yeap, why do you think they love bones? You know even KFC has bone marrow, I always eat them! MMM."

YL, I think was weirded out by me. Possibly I've degenerated to a cave person in her eyes already.

Actually the bubble tea straws were too fat to poke into the bone, even I was having trouble sucking.
HAHA.
It was damn barbaric and obscene and wrong, but after fruitless sucking, I finally asked one of the server. "Um, which side do you actually poke it in to suck?"
"There, you do this! *makes poking and sucking motion*...alamak your straws too thick lah, wrong ones! Wait wait I get you new ones" and the helpful uncle went away to get us thinner straws.

We finally managed to suck up some marrow although YL was suspicious "eewww are these fats?"
"No it's ok just suck!"

Well, although YL didn't exactly fall in love with it, she understands "why it is a delicacy."
"Why is it cuz only barbarians eat them?"
"Nooo, it's cuz it takes a lot of sucking for those little bits of marrow. I don't mind trying again!"

One day we will! And try this version hopefully....watashino dream...

If you are halfway between being repulsed and fascinated by how it tastes, bone marrow actually tastes like foie gras *winks winks* I know, hard to believe right. But it does...

Tis the Season of Irony

For a few days now I've had this strange feeling pass over me. A feeling of premonition, of forewarning. Just the other day as I was getting home, the sudden thought of "will not live to see next year" settled over me with utmost certainty.

Today I looked at Tacky and suddenly my heart stopped beating. "Not today, what would I do?"
I thought him dead because he was motionless. Normally he always is motionless and I gave no thought to it. Just today, I was suffused with fear, I grabbed him out of the tank and shook him a little, panicking when he did not respond.

Then slowly, gradually, his eyes opened sleepily. He is alright.
Yet I couldn't shake the chill of me.

I don't want to say of course I was right, it's not a good thing to be right about death. But yes I was right. Someone I know, and remember fondly from childhood died today. And I thought, how sad it was, and how lucky we were to still be alive.

But such is life, such is life.

Ok in case you all think I'm all hocus pocus...actually to be honest, I thought that person dying would be me. It's not that I want to die or whatever, it's just a sudden thought and the chills settling over my body. So it's like "brrrr." And now I feel like dying a little because...the chills I felt? Medical reasons can be derived from that.

I think my bronchitis is back.

WAH LAO.
Maybe it's because I've been around too many sick people recently, including mummy dearest, who was kinda violently ill.

 I really hate going to the doctor, it's so muthafriggin expensive!!
Oh just kill me.

In this world of uncertainty

I only ask that I remain faithful to my words.

THIS HORROR

OH.
MY.
GOD!!!!!

I can't believe I forgot my best friend's birthday!!!
AND I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT THAT I FORGOT ABOUT IT!!!

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HOW CAN THIS BEE.

All I want for Christmas...

A long time ago, during the 90s when overalls were in fashion, I wore them. Ok that's not the point. I used to be young and toothless.
You could probably fit a bar of Dairymilk Hazelnut chocolate into my mouth...while it was closed. I did that quite often.
A running joke my dad used to make about me was "bo-gei-di" (toothless-[Hei]di) Or primary school kids would say "bo gei jiak tao gei" (Hokkien for toothless eat beansprouts) and look at me pointedly.

I myself, would always be singing the song "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth" with all fervour and sincerity.

And one day...the teeth started growing! And as you can see now, (if you can see me) I have all my teeth intact with barely a crack for wind to pass through--- though I like to whistle through the gap in my two front teeth.

Then, when it came to the early 2000s, I was so pimply, my nickname was Pimple Face. Or orange, or hum ji peng or anything that looks like the surface of the moon. So I always prayed fervently, and whispered all my yearnings to Santa saying that I've been a very good girl this year so won't you pretty please, make me look more like an apple than an orange?
Apparently it works because I currently do look like an apple.

This year...I wish, with all my heart and all my might...with all the untold yearnings in my soul...please let me matter. Please let me not just be an afterthought. Please let me feel treasured, or if not, at least let my efforts be recognised. Let me not try so hard only to come away with embers. Pretty please?

Sometimes the heart is strong enough to stand the weight of the world, but sometimes it wavers too. And it trembles, and shakes and the world crumbles a little. Atlas shrugs. Just barely.

"If you stop caring, you're jaded, but if you care too much, it'll ruin you."

Time and Tide Washes Away the Sands of...ok enough with the philo nonsense

There is not enough time! There is not enough time to do everything!! I wish I have more time, all the time in the world, but I want to say that I wish I have time to waste time. Waste time just doing nothing, sit at home and start drooling. Watching my favourite shows, roll around in bed several times (Yiling says whenever she thinks of me, she imagines me doing this), eat junk food, tickle the turtles and just lie still and let moss grow over me.

-Driving
-Resume
-Applying for job
-Running
-Aestheticising myself (Z pointed out an Aesthetics clinic to me today, I think she meant to hint me something)
-Cooking
-Singing
-Holidaying
-Moo at the Moon
-Volunteer (I need to add in something noble here wait people think I'm just some frivolous brat)

SO MANY THINGS TO DO NO TIME AND LARD TO WASTE

Oh by the way we had singing sessions today. I used to love caroling. I need me some audience to flirt with while I charm them with carols.

Limbo like me

I know, I know, I haven't been posting recently...
The truth is, I have lost my words!
Not a good thing to be suffering from if you want to apply for the job of a journalist. I have no idea how this drought came about too, the silence you taste when your tongue tries to curl into speech.
It's a little scary, this circle of uncertainty. A little bit hard to bear.
What would I be without words, what would I be without feelings.


long dark night is the silence in front of me
limbo
limbo like me

long dark deck and the water is surrounding me
long dark deck and the silence is over me

limbo
limbo like me
 

What do you want me to say? GTH?

Verge

Are you comfortable like that?

Take Me Away

Going to Cameron Highlands tomorrow and I hope it'll be good.
At least it'll be a break.


take me away
take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away

I almost wish you really had an affair.

This is It

WK did me a very very big favour today!! Totally nomu nomu thankful to him. Thanks for being such a great friend! I don't think many friends can do what you did today hahah!

Today is a life...changing? affirming? Life-affirming today. I have finally solidified some decisions and will trudge ahead surer. Wanted to do an in-depth post about this particular topic for some while but couldn't get around to. Now there's a reason to.

Well I hope all goes well.
REALLY *Crosses fingers*

Shall post about it soon.

Yes Yiling!

My Heart Was Made of Ice

And then you banished the cold

with the warm clasp of mitten-hands.

Cost too much

Why are you so attractive that I can't resist you?

A minute of silence

Today was both a day of celebration earlier when exams ended, and a day of sorrow...

My baby cousin had cancer, and today just died. Was so sad to hear that, when I heard the sound of babies laughing, or just see babies in particular, my heart would clench a bit. I would think these parents are so lucky.

What

I refuse to let-

Bursting.

I cannot, cannot believe this.
I cannot.

Really.








teach me how to lie.

This Late November...

Amidst the feverish fervour of exam stress, it seems I have found time to do anything but studying. There was an outing (finally) with the bad girls that I managed to wring out of them like water from rocks. I had stipulated a nice chill-out place (according to hungrygowhere.com) that is apparently an undiscovered gem in the  wafting prata oiliness of Jln Kayu. Food here is supposedly affordable and comparable to restaurant standards. Since ALL of them except for Mags have already eaten, we couldn't order much so I wasn't able to adequately judge the standards of their food. However for a place that is rather like a cozy pub, the menu was indeed quite affordable.

After that I tried to gather as much info from them as possible, standard questions: love life, jobs, salaries and mental state of health. Again it's a little like trying to wring water out from rocks but we managed a few gruesome stories that had me being paranoid about an upcoming trip to JB and being careful of wherever I happen to sit at.

I tried to wrangle for a next outing out of them and they wryly suggest the next time we could probably meet up is my birthday itself. Which is like...mid-next year. Their optimism gives me much hope. Nevertheless it was enjoyable as usual. I only wish we had more gatherings and be able to be there for each other more.

Around mid-week I had this very gripping desire do something and roped in Mouse to go on this harebrained scheme with me. We spent Thursday evening with uncles and young men sweating it all out in duets of strokes, grunts and cocks. Midway I had to give up and left my partner to the men out there because of my lack of stamina and abrasions received from too much contact. Ultimately my desire was fulfilled through the intense sessions that never stopped coming, though it left me aching and sore, and the results can still be felt in my thighs and butt until today.
I feel ashamed because the uncles are in better shape than a supposedly youthful, sprightly spring chicken like me. What can I say, they have had more practice and I was more inexperienced at these sort of situations.
Mouse and I then spent the rest of the night glutting ourselves with kopitiam food and mutual psychoanalysing. We've always had a special relationship this way.

I have this fascination with coffeeshops/kopitiams. They are so quintessentially Singaporean in spirit, consisting of the four 'F's so vital to Singapore (uncle) life: Food, friends, family and football. And maybe with a 'T' for Tiger Beer.
I imagine one day I'll be sitting alone at a table in a kopitiam with glasses perched on my nose and ears pricked to detect any form of conversations. I will languorously lounge in my uncomfortable plastic seat while attempting to catch the breeze of a fan that never faces my direction and avoiding the cigarette smoke from the nearby Smoking area. If I happen to catch an interesting conversation, whether about the Gee Oh Vee Tee, or their children or some vulgar, catchy slang, I'll hastily and discreetly scribble it down in my notebook, while peeping through the corner of my eyes at the uncles casually scratching their groins and digging their ears with a little finger.
The coffee shop is a place rife with gossip and competition, where each family is ensconced at their own round tables yet surreptitiously glancing at the tables and families around them, subconsciously comparing and feeling smug that their family is more normal than the seemingly dysfunctional ones. Or that their kids look smarter, more presentable or are high achievers than the straggly kids of other families. If their kids happen to be the straggly ones, they have an air of defiant nonchalance, daring anyone to give them corner glances or disapproving looks with carefully cultivated indifference.
I cup my teh in one hand and sip.

This isn't the Starbucks or Parisian cafes movies like to portray, romanticise and sentimentalise till it becomes contrived and cliche. But captures, like a finger on a pulse, the throbbing of the Singaporean lifeblood.

For W, who has been going through some difficult times recently:

Let us take heart even in the shadows that befall us.

Memento Mori

You have no right to be pissed.

Are you ok?

Today was a busy day.

Actually too many things to write about until I don't know what to write. I shall just post a short story, I went for dinner at a coffeeshop. Beside our table, was another family. I looked at the side profile of one of a young guy and thought "wah he looks like LY." But knew it wasn't him because he was too young and didn't look exactly identical, just similar.

Then I turned away and started contemplating what I wanted to eat.
Suddenly I heard my name "Hey-dee, hey dee!"
I was puzzled for a moment and realise the voice was coming from that table I was looking at.
And it was LY!
So the guy I thought look like LY, really was related to LY.
HAHA WTC - What The Coincidence.

K tomorrow, even though I have exams coming up...I am going to do something really unexpected.
I know, it's me random Heidi meeting up with random strangers, and hope they would like me.

Oh my gawd.
I really really really dislike that lecturer!!!! WTF.

Last day once more.

On Friday, I had girded up myself to be prepared for the last day of school.
Supposed to meet NB for lunch at 3pm, but I was late as usual. Traffic conditions were horrible at 2+pm. "Massive Jam all the way to Moulmein."

Had laksa yong tau foo for the last time with my favourite eggplant ingredient. Had Avocado Dragonfruit juice (which Charlynn thought was a weird combi before) and then at 4.05pm, I walked to my lecture theatre to open the doors and step into my final lecture ever.

The door was locked.

Then I realise, OMG NO LESSONS TODAY. AHHHHHHHHHH.
So effectively, my last day of school was actually on Thursday (which I skipped), which would make my last day of school on Tuesday (and that's the class I really hated).
Such an anti-climatic yet befitting end to Heidi's last days. This is call Sotong-ness to the end. Come late for school and realise there is no class.
In retrospect, it makes the last day less poignant, and a better thing because I ended school this way so it's more funny/ridiculous than sad.

The last few days I did carry around SY's DSLR to take pictures though. Having a dSlR feels good, really. I need a new camera. Will people please sponsor me some little bit? Lol.

After that I let NB play my computer so that she could do some farming. Actually I brought it to school for her because knowing her she would be suffering from withdrawal symptoms, and if things had gone as planned she would have been spending a few hours by herself waiting for YL, SY and me to have dinner. So it's better not to leave her frothing at the mouth in pain.

I had dinner with SY and YL and NB in school, although I initially hit upon the idea of smooth salmon pieces, but there wasn't enough time to go Sakuraya for the last time.
I had Indian food for the first time ever in my NUS life, and it was surprisingly good. The rice and dhal really reminded me of Nepalese cuisine which I really love.
Need to find a good Nepalese restaurant in Sg, I did try to search for it but to no avail. So does anyone know where I can get good rice, dhal, chicken curry and vegetable curry combos? Little India?
Ohhh that also reminds me, need to make a trip to Lil' India soon to breathe in curry scents and dance the bangla.

After dinner I went to church.






HAHAH. Yes I know, totally unexpected. It really wasn't my choice. I helped NB to ask SY whether she wants to go to NB's Catholic church and SY said "okie!" I really didn't expect that.
"Go with me." SY commanded, even as I sputtered.
I just knew that dinner with SY will always end up with us going some place else. I really was reluctant to go on a Friday night because it is soooo far from home and I was kinda tired. However poor YL was sick, so she didn't join us and left me and SY alone...along with NB and her sisters and her sisters's friends of course. Before we alighted at the church though, I made some last minute attempt to sway SY from her decision "Hey lets just drop NB here and go off!"
But I might as well have been a squeaking ant to a determined anteater.

The homily the Father gave was thundering as usual, but in my tired state I couldn't really absorb at that point. In fact I was so tired I actually went cross-eyed from trying to keep my eyes opened and I think I actually dozed off with my eyes opened for a while.
It turns out the SY wasn't listening too! She just wanted to look see look see, so probably the Catholic teachings did not dawn upon her Christian mind that much.
"Can't believe I'm in church on a Friday night," I muttered to SY, who didn't catch what I say, or my meaning. She, like J, found the standing up and sitting and kneeling odd and was too preoccupied with her own curiousities.

After church, I was in a dilemma. To go with SY means that she'll drive me to Katong and ask me take taxi from there. -_-
To go with NB and her sisters and her sisters's friend means I have to take their car and be in an awkward state for a while.
Actually, I was also afraid of SY dragging me to go eat supper or asking me about J. So I went off in the other car.

Sometimes, I must realise that what seems like a better decision might not necessarily be so. Because straightaway in the car, NB threw me the question, "so what did you think of the teaching?"
"Yah, how was it?" asked NB's sisters's friend. And the rest had their ears perked up.
"Uhh....." I fumbled. WHAT SHOULD I SAY WHAT SHOULD I SAY??
"It had a lot of relevance to the essay I was writing." Heidi replied, trying to think frantically. She then went on about a poet and the poems he writes and the essay she did and what was similar, knowing all the while that NOBARDY CARES ANYWAY ABOUT POETS AND POEMS.
But she. Can't. Help. Herself.
So after explaining everything and no doubt the rest were like thinking "uhhh..."
NB said, "but how do you feel about it?"

I couldn't possibly say, "actually I wasn't really following cuz I was in a state of semi-consciousness," or "um like that lor" cuz those weren't P.C answers. I hadn't really had time to absorb and think about the session yet. So I said "how can I explain spiritual experiences?"
And NB said, "so you felt that it connected lah?"
"Um..."
"So you did feel like it resonated right?"
"Uh..."
"Means you were affected."
"Hmm..."

"Wah NB's can really interrogate ah..." her sisters and her sisters's friend agreed.

Deciding to leave my profound spiritual experience as it is, I asked NB back "so did it resonate with you?"
"Ok lor."

That's it.
WHAT??!! WHAT IS THIS. Putting me through all that and that's all she said. *chokes and foam at mouth mentally*

Anyways on the bus ride home with NB and her sister later, I decided to watch my korean drama on the computer so as to spare her shy sister, and NB's shy and awkward friend (me) the pain of having to make polite conversation.
After trying to stifle my laughter at 'You're Beautiful' most popular korean drama of 2009, I turned back to see both NB and her sister asleep with their heads drooping. And I couldn't stifle my squeak of laughter. They slept...The same way!! I've often found NB's sleeping posture hilarious because of the head-lolling and dead to the world feeling. Plus with all the hair covering the face it's like watching Sadako re-runs. So to see the two sisters sleeping the same way was too much for me.
Actually, even SY said earlier in the church, "they very cute leh!" she pointed out at NB and NB's two sisters as they walked forward to take communion.
"Oh why?"
"They look the same!"

There's just something that tickles the funny bone about seeing siblings, especially siblings who look alike, doing synchronised stuff.  Humans, by nature, are probably drawn to finding delight in patterns.
And NB and her sisters, have that in spades.

When I got home, I was so tired that after surfing the net for a while I went straight to sleep. Without bathing.
Or even changing. (except maybe for the bottoms).

Ahh dirty Heidi! Actually, in the past, no matter how tired I am, I will still drag myself out to bathe and change, even when I was in hall where it's common for people to not bathe for like the whole day (VIVI!!) But that day I really didn't have the mental reserves or will to do that. But don't worry folks! The minute I got up (ok the hour I got up..or within 2 hours after I go up), I went to bathe and clean up!

Tomorrow will be my first test of the last exams I will ever have so wish me luck and wish me love, it's 3 hours worth!

I am Merry

Actually I've been thinking for a while now that I want to call myself Merry.
Heidi Merry Ng.
Or perhaps Merri.
Either ways, I am going through one of those having different names phases.
Last time I used to like a variety of names which I shall not put here because it becomes embarrassing if you know what I aspire to. I even had the surnames ready.
Ok, one of my desired surnames was Winters. Hahahah. Makes you think twice about the blog name now does it.

So doing a quick research of the name 'Merry' on quickbabynames.com comes up with this:

Style

We think the name Merri should fall under the following style category: Ladylike.

See other Ladylike girl names

Meaning

The name Merri has the following meaning:

One who is joyous. A variation of Meredith. Also means "A great chieftain" in Welsh.

Impression

Based on our research, most people would imagine a person with the name Merry to be: A cute, cheerful and humorous woman

In one word, you might describe Merry as a(n) "humorous" person.

See other "humorous" names for girls.

Not bad right? I mean, I already fulfill all of the above criteria, so why not? I am quite commonly described as humourous, and joyful! This name fits me to a 'T' for Totally.
So just to put things in perspectives, searching for my real name Heidi comes up with this:

Meaning

The name Heidi has the following meaning:

Refers to "Battle stronghold". It is extremely rare in English-speaking countries.

Impression

Based on our research, most people would imagine a person with the name Heidi to be: A large stocky and serious person

In one word, you might describe Heidi as a(n) "serious" person.

See other "serious" names for girls.

I mean, really? Serious? Large, stock and serious??
So when people think of the name Heidi, they think of someone who looks like this

Yeap, that's me.
Actually, I really was large and stocky for the better part of my teenage dirtbag life + late adolescence.
And I am rather serious too. Heidi does suit me well as a name.



 So what does Merry look like? To answer that, one must think of the most famous Merry in history.
Who is?
Um. Well, if I had to hazard a guess (I googled actually) searching for 'Merry' images did indeed bring up a very famous Merry...from Lord of The Rings no less!
Tadah!

You guess it! Merry the Hobbit!
My oh my, now people have described as being hobbit-like in proportions too! So you see, I look like a fat operatic hobbit singer.
Therefore, Merry Heidi shall be my name.

In fact, Christmas is coming up, you can even skip calling my name by just saying, Merry Christmas!
Or...even wish me Merry, Merry Christmas! Such a merry X'Mas to be wished so twice!
You see, people do call me Hi! Dee! So they actually skip the 'Hi' and go straight to my name. It works.
Oks, now I just need to convince people to call me that.

Have y'all a Merry Merry Xmas!!

p/s: Today was my second-last day of school. I skipped it. Marya asked why?? I said I didn't like the lesson anyway. Tomorrow will be my last day of school, I don't know what to make of it, except to meet up with friends I've made in Uni life. How fitting. :)

It's the Final Countdown

Yesterday Zhu Hui suggested going to Orchard Central to study the next day.
"Orchard Central?? Conducive meh, I thought you say that time Orchard too many people.
"If that place is still as quiet, than not many people will go there." She assured me of the sanctity of a coffeeplace (whose name I shall not reveal in case people start swarming there on the basis of my reliable recommendations).
I raised my brows but adhered to her suggestions.

"Lets have wanton mee at this place! I heard it's very good from this particular website(which also shall not be named)"
"Okay."

So we went to that place, after searching high and low for it as she wasn't clear of directions.
When we finally sat down in that restaurant, she said that actually she ate there a long long time ago.
"At that time we said, 'ok, we're never coming back here again'."
"Har??"

That's a very dubious recommendation for a place. But being famished, we ordered a plate of char siew ("rated 4 upon 5 stars!" she said excitedly), the signboard porridge (zhao pai), and wanton noodles.
"Can finish or not?" She asked.
"Yeap!" Said Hungry Heidi.

After the whole meal and rounds of photo-taking, I shall not talk much about the food since she's gonna do a review anyway, she also complained that the wantons were very small.
I said, "I think this place more for old people." True enough, all around us were Senior Citizens. Z and I were the youngest people in the place (so I felt as conspicuous as a green young coconut among mature brown coconuts).
Z poked around at the still largely unfinished plate of char siew and asked "what do you think of the char siew?"
"Uh, actually, you can't really ask someone who doesn't like char siew that much."
Her eyes widened and she said accusingly "I thought you said you can finish everything!"
"I mean the rest of the dishes *waves at the porridge and mee*"
"No I asked if you could finish the char siew you said can!"
"But I thought you meant the rest of the dishes! *waves at the porridge and mee*"
She huffed.
I obediently tried to eat a few more slices of char siew.


After that very full meal, Z's eyes widened and she said animatedly "I KNOW WHERE WE CAN GO"
"Um..where"
"EYEBROW THREADING!!"
"I KNEW IT! I knew you were scrutinising my eyebrows!!" Heidi cried.

Before I can even convince myself I am scared of pain, I ended up at this secluded shops among other shops selling pleasure toys, wondering what the heck have I gotten myself into.
"Wah you see, even guys do threading! Anyway my friend said it's only like ants biting" she tried to assure me when I was understandably nervous at having people use saliva-wet threads to run over my face with enough hairs to pluck out hairs.
"You should ask your friends come here! *she then named someone I shall not name*" "Wah they should give me commission lor." She exclaimed after naming all the people who should go for eyebrow threading.

Minutes later, in the chair in an awkward position with a lady coolly snipping my eyebrows off, I thought "ants biting my foot!"
I tried to disassociate myself from the pain. "You're not really feeling it Heidi, hmm why does it hurt? You should analyse it, yeap it doesn't really hurt right, right? Maybe it isn't ants biting, maybe it's like something sucking your skin off."

In a matter of minutes it takes for you to go through bowel movements, the lady was done. I tried to avoid observation of my suddenly VERY THIN eyebrows.
"WAAAAAH you look so feminine now!!" Z twittered.

I have not had such thin eyebrows since secondary school, at that time I swore I would never have such ah lian looking brows ever again.
Instead of the cute caterpillars I have as eyebrows I now have arched butterfly (or moth) wings. Actually, they look rather sharp, maybe more like falcon's wings.

Z says I should behave more like a female now that I look like one.
"So what, you mean last time I look like a she-male lah?!"
 We were finally at the coffee place to study.

I promptly went to sleep upon my first minutes there.
Got woken up by some loud music. Went back to sleep again.
Got woken up by many kids... and then tried to read my book.
Z was diligently reading up on her fellow abnormal people in her psychology book.
I was making some progress in my book.

"I don't think I can stay here till 6." Zhu Hui suddenly snapped her head up to say. "I'm too restless and tired."
When I'm restless, I fidget around obviously, scratching my used-to-be-abundant eyebrow hair, or my nose, shake my leg like money is rolling in, talk about nothing in particular.
When she's restless she uh...blinks more than usual.

So we packed up and left to 313. "I don't like shopping" Z had said earlier.
"You didn't exactly prove that when you asked me to meet you at F21 just now."
"Yah being there just now proves further I don't like shopping."
"Ok." Heidi decided to keep quiet about that warped logic.

"Lets go F21 again." Z said.
After that..."Ok lets go Cotton On for a while."
"You should buy that for Christmas and Chinese New Year!!" she enthused. "Wah they should give me commission lor."

After window-shopping (by Z), we went to the food level!! I was hungry ever since lunch, so we bought oyster mee sua! Takoyaki! And yami yogurt! (and oh yah, 4 slices of salmon sashimi which we gobbled up on the spot).
After patting our full stomachs, Z rubbed her hands like a gloating miser and giggled "I can't wait to go home and play the computerrrrrrr". (by that she means play Farmville)

Earlier on before I had met her, I saw this lady in all-black with her hands full with Christmas shopping, cradling an iPad. She wore unstable looking black wedges and balanced her paper bag with a peacock feathers on her shoulder while holding up the iPad. I glanced at the screen curiously and saw the cartoonish images of "FARMVILLE" splashed across the screen. She then started punching her screen repeatedly with free fingers (balancing all her bags, while balancing on her high shoes) and I just knew she was harvesting her animals or trees.
I was just so amused at this sight I started snuckling to myself. (snickering + chuckling).

The lady's image superimposed over ZH's face rapt with fantastical farming fantasies.
She... is one of them. I thought sagely.

"So what activities do you have on? Doing anything on Monday? Tuesday?"
Z shook her head at every day I listed, instead she was going to be spending her time and home studying.
"Oh I have to go for my sister's friend's baby's 1 year old birthday party." Suddenly she gasped.
"I HAVE TO BUY HIM A PRESENT TODAY!!"
She then grabbed my arm and we flew out of the eating area...

We went AMK hub to look at baby shops, and she decided on a few choices. "Ok I shall draw up a proposal and discuss with my sisters."
What's there to propose and discuss sia.  I wondered.

"Ok lets go to this shop! I have clothes I want to look at!" She then dragged me to another shop.
I ended up buying shoes there.
WHAT??? Why is it that she wanted to shop I ended up buying shoes??
"Wah they should give me commission lor!" She said gleefully after I bought the shoes and and she furthered tried to convince me to buy a dress.

"Are you living vicariously through me??" I exclaimed in exasperation.
"Of course not!"

After that, we both went home and farmed our crops. *cue YL's eye-rolling*

Thus ended the day of studying. We ate, shopped, read a few pages, oh wait, actually "We-, I mean I, studied from 1 till 4pm, not bad not bad!", ate some more, shopped, and went home to farm.

It's been a fulfilling day of shopping, eating**, and spending money.
Next time we go out studying, I shall bring more money* instead of books.


*(I bet YL will find reasons to refute if I ask her to go for study sessions)
**(You need to remember to pray)

Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream

Today Yiling and I ate at a HK cafe at Plaza Singapura. She initially suggested eating at a coffee shop but I was uh..."a bit sian leh."
Poor thing, she has to earn money to visit her boyfriend in America and I always manage to make her spend more than her budget of $3.

Anyways, today marks my last day of my favouritest class in NUS ever. Actually yesterday the realisation that it's my final sem as a student in NUS hit me suddenly. I was left careening with a kind of growing numb shock and sadness and wistfulness and bu she de.
Well, this chapter of my life is going to be closed soon, in less than a month.

I snapped photos of my last class (but my lecturer didn't want her photo taken.) At least I got a photo of the cute guy HAHAHAH (but YL says not cute leh).
So yes anyways, I think this sadness is gonna last for a while...maybe even the rest of my life.

I'll be in the working world of adults and it's gonna be hard to meet up with friends, or even have time to chill out. I realise I hardly see any of my working friends now...in a new working environment, you have new friends and new occupations.
(CASE IN POINT: SY)
And they are gonna be the center of your life and activities. (CASE IN POINT: SY)
Ok lah, it's not only SY. She's just a convenient example.

ST says not to forget her after we start work, and to ask her out. ST ah, you ask me out lah!
I'll miss walking through NUS as a student (despite me missing every other class)
slacking around like it's my right to, using my brain and analysing lit texts.
Oh yes I will miss lit a lot. It's after all in my life's blood. Btw I got back the essay that I spent 36 hours doing and I was actually afraid to get it back thinking it's just gonna get a B+ at the most...but results were better than I expected. :) Miss the central library, the canteen food (laksa ytf!), the school buses, the greenery, the learning, the interacting, the groaning about school life, the glowing vitality of students...

I'll also miss being able to make time for friends, whether to go out or go on holidays with. Heart to heart, true conversations will be hard to find in the working world. Interests diverge, lives do not coincide, and we all part ways gradually...Ok, not being pessimistic here, but just going by examples. It's like all the hall friends I once see almost everyday, now it's only during special events that we meet, or by chance as our paths connect. Tina says most of the time you're just too exhausted by work to even want to meet up. SY says the same thing, and the bad girls too.

I have been looking at the people around me, and thinking it's too bad it's so hard to keep up and nurture friendships. Like D and M. If we had more time, we probably could have been good friends, but time and distance are always big factors. Human relationships are fragile this way. =( Reminds me of the Sims game. We have to keep interacting with particular Sims (and it's easier if you're colleagues or family members) and the relationships progress and the little hearts turn from a cold grey to a warm red. Relationship points deteriorate over time with no interaction, so effort has to be made giving gifts, talking and kissing. HAHAHA.
Life is really like a Sims game!

Ok anyways, this is just reverse psychology, by saying all these, I'm hoping I can prove the stereotypes wrong! All it takes is effort! And the desire to meet up, to keep up! Yeap yeap!

And it's also a new chapter in life ah, I must be open to new experiences, people and things!
Ok trying to plan out my career and stuff now, it's quite exciting too, to think of all the $$ I will make hehehe.
I shall be bringing around SY's camera in school to snap photos while I still can and do all the things I still can with all the people I still can and make the most out of the little time I have leftttttt!
Somehow, I hope that the friendships I've made are strong enough to last for the rest of my life, of course we do lose people every now and then (I've already lost a few) and it hurts and you're left with a little hole in your heart but those who are left are worth making the effort on.
So I shall just try my best, and if it is reciprocated great! And if it isn't I'll just have to learn to let go and move on.

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, Life is but a dream.

Saved by the Waters

Went for a hall mate's baptism today at Clementi. As the taxi drove past NUS I thought "sigh NUS again...so far...."
Very soon though, I won't be saying that anymore.

Anyways I was suffering from anxiety because the hall mate had said the church is "GOING TO VERY FULL!! MUST COME EARLY IF NOT SIT ON THE UPPER FLOOR! Cannot see anything one!"
So I mentally rushed the taxi uncle to get there in time for me to book seats. Why was I late? Becuse I had an errand to run! Why didn't I run it earlier? Because the shop isn't opened!!
Ok anyways Joshpy came on time surprisingly after telling me he'll be late and making me fret I bet he did that deliberately.

However, the church was really full, I was surprised J got a a pretty front row aisle and we sat there happily. "Wah, we're seated just right behind the facilitators!" I exclaimed in awe when I saw the sticker pasted on the bench in front saying it's reserved for facilitators.
Then a man came over and said "you all cannot seat here, this is reserved for the facilitators!"
"OMG." I said because by now the church was already filled! And that man probably thought we were dumb for not noticing the signs!! We're sooo gonna have to sit on top now!!

But I think the part about having to sit on the upper floors turned out to be a scare tactic because apparently, NO ONE had to sit on the upper floor as the lower one had enough capacity to accommodate all.

We got to sit behind, "5th row from behind to the right" I messaged K.
K brought his megapower DSLR too and I foresee that we two are gonna be Pa-pa-pa-parazzi for today.
We clicked frantically away even before the main actress was out. And people stared at us weirdly.
After a while we grew bored and I started taking photos of J's nose hair, the cards, the bouquet of flowers (which I thought was really pretty but when I bought it I was thinking, wah so 'long zhong' ah the flowers, is it a bit too much) which was leaking water. I ended up with wet thighs (which I also took photos of)
I tried using my lousy decorating skills on the card when suddenly, I heard a familiar voice reciting some passages...OMG WAH LAO EH. The main actress was actually reciting some readings right in front, in front of the whole church! It was her damn moment, and she never mention to us. -_-"
So K and I in shock had to grab our cams and run forward to snap snap away when no one else was snapping (so people looked at me weirdly...again)

Then after that exciting moment, it was all singing and dancing and reading and Oh Holy Holy stand up sit down stand up sit down (J was getting bored and sleepy, I gleefully nudged him with all force when he snickered in exasperation at all the Saints names we had to sing out to bless/pray for the Elects)


Finally, the people getting baptised had to step forward in front of the church, by then I could see people rushing forward to chope places to take photos of their loved ones already. Undaunted, I pulled up my sleeves, crack my knuckles and walked extremely quickly forward, wriggled through everyone (K was already in front due to his longer legs) and tried to snap photos of all the random people in preparation for the main actress.

"Eh cannot see from here! I think the other side clearer!" I told KC.
"Yah maybe you should go the other side then I take here, so we can get both sides!"
And then I ran to the other side of the church "scuse me scuse me scusse meehhh!" I inched my way to the front, even fronter than all the tall uncles and managed to get front views of the main actress. When it came to her turn, the Fater just nice turned to my side so I could actually get the best photo ops! And I snapped happily away.

So K and I have very random photos of the main actress "we really like paparazzi leh" he said.
"Yah lor, but I think I really should be one! I can wriggle very well and not even block other people!" I happily enthused glad of my shortness for once.
"Yah, but maybe they'll fall over you." K remarked.
"AAHHAHA YAH I THINK SO TOO."

I think K and I looked more excited than the main actress, because all we had of her were "stoned, dazed, she looks sian here, why she looks so bored ah? Wah she like machiam reading out elegy at funeral like that" we commented on the photos we had of her.
"Oh she looks like Harry Potter here!" I pointed out at one picture of her in a white robe.
Josh told me the auntie sitting in front of me is like very scared that I'll steal her stuff. Every time I stand up she'll clutch at her bag. True enough, I noticed every time we had to stand, she'll clutch her belongings possessively. I know it's just instinctual, but I couldn't help but be a little annoyed =X
I LOOK LIKE THIEF MEH?? Some mischief-making part of me wanted to reach forward and pat her bags, just to see what she'll do...

At the end of the day, I felt like I've been running alot, like a scrambling hamster and I think it's tough to be a wedding photographer. Yiling, you have my respect!!

Throughout the ceremony, I felt really joyous for her, and prayed and bless her with all my heart. Despite the fact I wasn't Catholic yet, but all the same I couldn't help but welcome her to 'the Family'.
While I felt really glad for her, I also felt some inexplicable sadness, but it was a fleeting wistfulness. I shall not say all my thoughts that ran through my mind, some of that not for public, religious consumption lol.
Geoffrey Hill's poems and sentiments ran through my mind too.
Lachrimae verae, lachrimae coactae, pavana dolorosa, lachrimae amantis.
What is there in my heart?

Anyways afterwards when on the way home, on the bus towards Vivo, I was so tired I fell asleep and...dreamt!! In fact I didn't even realise I reached my stop, and the dreams continued until I realise there were a lot of ezlink tapping sounds, jerked awake and barely made it out of the bus in time! So embarrassing.

 K I shall end this post here, probably a lot more to write about but no time not time! Presentation tomorrow not done yet HAHAHAH ok I shall smoke it through like the expert smoker I always am.

Of a Juicy Book and Dinner Thoughts

I have a presentation on Monday!!
And I haven't finish the book yet.
Well, to be fair the book is just so thick and choke full of ... of everything!
Mythology, theories, romance, references, poetry, art...
The rest of my group mates aren't making much noise yet though, I suspect they might go with all the ideas I've posted in the thread.

Oh sorry, the above post is just ramblings in my mind because I need to unload somethings for space to upload somethings in my brain.
No time to post about the outings with friends, gotta rush through the book!
I realise when I'm stressed I keep farming on Farmville, as if clicking away harvesting, plowing and then planting relieves some internal pressure.

The turtle is currently resting his head upon my laptop and sleeping peacefully despite my furious clickings.  The cuteness is just distracting. Or actually, I'm just distracting myself from going back headfirst into Possession...that behemoth of a book. It's a good, fascinating book and reading it alights my old excitement of having books to read, snuggled away in a corner while the rumblings of thunder rolls sonorously through the room. The whiffling thoughts of having KFC for dinner later adds to a quivering anticipation.

Geoffrey Hill

Lachrimae Amantis

What is there in my heart
that you should sue so fiercely for its love?
What kind of care brings you
as though a stranger to my door
through the long night and in the icy dew

seeking the heart that will not harbor you,
that keeps itself religiously secure?
At this dark solstice filled with frost and fire
your passion's ancient wounds must bleed anew.

So many nights the angel of my house
has fed such urgent comfort through a dream,
whispered "your lord is coming, he is close"

that I have drowsed half-faithful for a time
bathed in pure tones of promise and remorse:
"tomorrow I shall wake to welcome him."

Heidi's Plans For The Future

Since I'm graduating soon, I've been planning out my future in the months ahead.
My plans don't include the typical grad trip or bumming around till I find a permanent job.

After I finished exams, I'll find part time job, most probably at the school for kids because of its flexibility and not insubstantial pay and because I love kids.

Earn money, invest money for maybe 2 months.
During this time probably some short trips overseas.

Art Gallery work. Selling art pieces perhaps?
Ok aim to save up at least 10k by June next year.


Yes I do love hoarding money and the sense of security it gives. But actually, I'm planning to blow it all on overseas trips.
I have already found one I'm interested in. Please take the time to read this:

http://singaporemagazine.sif.org.sg/2010/10/labour-of-love/

It's a project call Riverkids and its mission is to stop Child Trafficking in Cambodia
http://www.riverkidsproject.org

Meanwhile, I'll try to research on the different volunteer work I can do and on how to earn big money!!
Not like I can spend it all on Tacky and Toe.

Anyone interested in this quest too? If you have time, donate time, if you have money give me donate money. If you want to go with me, tell me.

Blind-sided

Something I forgot to type about yesterday.
On my way to school, I was crossing a road and saw a girl at the other side.
She looked very familiar and I kept glancing at her.
She glanced back at me too.
Then when our gaze connected for about 1s, I asked "are you Stella? You're Stella right?!"
"Um no." She shook her head in bewilderment.
Omg. Total Embarrassment Heidi.
"Sorry!! Wrong person!!"

And I smoothed my hair and walked away.

ESSAYS! (it's a good thing for once)

Today I finally handed up my 4th essay this sem!! Granted, two of them were drafts, however they were still over a thousand words each and today's one was over 4000 words long!

Wah, first time ever. I feel accomplished, I can't believe it. Despite my allergy to essays, I have managed to birth 4 substantial ones.

However I still have another one to hand up by Monday. And then another one after that. But I feel like Jack in Titanic. "I'M KING OF THE WORLD!!!!" Now all I need is a ship to stand in and roast (Rose) pork to hold. HAHAH OK LAME-O HEIDO.

Anyways, today I took the bus back home in a state of mental exhaustion, hunger and some faintness. The only meal I've eaten all the day was Macdonalds breakfast and I've been strung high on tension ever since, trying to complete the essay, the mind was too occupied to think about fulfilling body needs.
This state of dazed exhaustion is probably why I chose the seat I did, next to a quite large-size auntie whose legs opened wide on the seat. I normally chose females to seat with on the bus because I am wary of uncles and males and it's just weird to choose to seat beside an uncle when there's an auntie there.
But this auntie ah...I was very hesitant to have any body contact with her at all, so I sat close to the edge of the seat with my body turned outwards. I looked longingly at the uncle at the seat beside us, because he actually took up very little space and kept to the side of his seat, unlike the auntie next to me. She was wearing bright pink. I tried not to stare at her for fear that I would feel more nauseous than I already was.

Why was I feeling nauseous? 1. Effect or writing essay. 2. Hunger. 3. Motion Sickness I haven't recovered from. 4. Sitting side ways and trying to balance the super heavy laptop was straining and 5...the MOST crucial reason. The Auntie. Kept. Burping.

WAH LAO EH!!!!!!!!!!! I kept cursing myself in my mind "Oh Heidi, of all the people you could have chosen, you choose the chronic burper!! And YOU ABSOLUTELY LOATHE BURPS!!"
She burped like she's was Kermit the Frog swallowing flies. She burped like she needed to release gas like a deflated balloon does. In fact, I thought if she's burping so much doesn't it mean she is farting a lot too!!

Shuuder shudder shudder and I kept willing the bus to go faster and the lady will alight soon, or people will vacate the seats so I could move.

Right lets take my mind of this distressing incident. As people boarded the bus, I saw a flash of blue and white and wondered "could it be??"
And yes it was! My old JC uniform! And I realise the person boarding was an old lit classmate of mine! Oooh! So I called out her name and she looked surprise to see me, she even remembered my name! I thought I was the forgettable type hehehe.
She had a bloodshot eye though, and I asked what's wrong.
"Lasik."
"Wah! Side effect?"
"Yeah."
Poor thing. I've never seen a side effect like this before/

I asked where she is now and she was hesitant.
"Uh..I work for the government."
"Ooh, so it's like secretive and you can't say is it?" Heidi's interest was very obviously piqued.
"Um, you know ****" (can't say the name later I kena the gahmen)
"Oh yes! My friend works there! But she hates it."
"Oh."

And there ends our conversation. HAHAH I was dying to ask her her pay, but she would probably think I'm weirder than I already am.

Ok I have nothing more to say because my head and stomach hurts. Too much tension and nausea for the day liao.

We Are Social Flies

This week was a busy one socially. On Wed I met up with twiny, although I had to rush off after that.
On Fri I met up with Cass, Marya and Grace. I felt a little uncertain initially, since I couldn't recall that we hung out as a group, and the last time we met was in Secondary School which was...6 years ago!!
But all the same, in the back of my mind I was thinking "maybe this group will develop into a very fine friendship!" so I went to meet up with them at Nakhon Kitchen in Kovan with a light step and cheery heart (despite the haze).
I was late.

As usual.

And lost my way.

As usual. I didn't exactly lose my way but it felt like that in the grasping darkness and consuming haze. I prayed to my usually directionless instincts to "LEAD ME TO NAKHON KITCHEN OH 6TH SENSE PLEASE" and finally got there! I walked past a very long queue and heard my name "Heidi!" ahhh the meeting at last! I tentatively went up the steps towards them, saw both Grace and Cass there, said my "Hi!" and smiled brightly and waited and..."Eh actually it feels just like old times and not much has changed." They all laughed and agreed.
The wait to have a seat in the popular Thai place was 40 min!! And it turns out that they've already placed orders before I arrived. "Is there Tom Yum soup??" I asked the all-important question. "Yeap!"
Okay..."then pineapple rice"
"Yeap!"
Nice..."Phad Thai?"
"Yeah that one too!"
Yay! "How about kang kong?"
"Yup we did."

That was a very good start to an enjoyable meal. Although everyone was more concerned with talking and I sometimes got away with my frantic dips into the Tom Yum soup to talk and went back to the food. Conversation skittered past the dishes, though I tried to concentrate on remembering how everything tastes like and took pictures. Bad ones I think. We probably ordered too much because they looked at the still half-full Tom Yum soup and said "Heidi, finish it."
"Ok, I shall try." And I lifted the bowl to my lips and started drinking while the rest talked.
Then I felt a certain quietness and put down the bowl and realised they were staring at me.  "What?"
"You drink like a PRC."
"Oh...well if we weren't in a public place I might actually put up my leg on the chair too."

In the end, mindful of the impatient glances at our table from the waiting members of the public just RIGHT beside us, we left Nakhon bursting will Chili goodness and went to some Hong Kong cafe and continued talking till it was..."1am?? It's 1am already!??"
And I told Marya "Eh you have no choice but to take a cab liao" even though she had earlier refused to.
Speaking of Marya, at one point she turned to me and said seriously "I can't get past that chip in your tooth!!" ... She has hit me in a sore area! I've been fretting over my tooth for a while already and every time I passed by Hougang Point's dental clinic, I feel like going in to do a dental check up (been 6 years since I had one coincidentally =X) So Marya kept scrutinizing my teeth and complained that my smiles look weird and my teeth looks crooked because the chip spoils everything and last time I had nice teeth now they're ruined. G and C peered into my mouth too and said "actually, we didn't notice anything wrong."
But Marya had done her damage and I resolved to make a dental appointment ASAP instead of dilly-dallying about it. Now I have a brand new tooth and clean teeth! More on that painful experience next time.

All in all, I'm glad for this meeting, in fact they have already made long-term plans that even the usually enthusiastically initiative me has been beaten hands down. We have upcoming breakfast at the Saddle Club, dinner at some Keppel place, tea at Dempsey, dinner at Sakuraya, don't know where don't know where too many to name and...SOUTH EAST ASIAN TRIP IN JANUARY. What?? They've already got everything planned out plus ticket prices and everything and I was just nodding there slightly dazed. Usually I'm the one dragging people out, now this is too ironic but all the same it's funny. However I have finally found someone to indulge in all my food cravings plus A CAR!! WHHEEEEEE. "I'll go anywhere, as long as there's a car!" I said to Grace when she asked. So she'll be the one picking us up and driving us to anywhere and sending us home. Omg. Never in my wildest dreams.

Ok next.
On Sunday, there was a dual celebration-- Esther's housewarming and Joshua's birthday dinner after that. I was looking forward to the housewarming with friends and family and bought sushi and sugarcane juice. I arrived...early. I looked into the house from outside and my heart tremored when I saw the strangers there.
"WHERE IS EVERYONE" I wailed, "there's no one here!"
Esther as usual common sensically said, "there are people here what."
"Oh yes but..." I mumbled.
Actually, I didn't know most of the people there, and everyone was in a conversation of their own already. I know I'm able to be sociable and all but...it still felt weird sometimes, so I was glad Esther spoke to me and JX and S too when I sat near them. I waited and waited in the living room, while more people streamed in and finally the crowd got a bit noisy and when 5pm came and went, I decided to retreat into E&E's room.
It's a very colourful and neat room, very cozy and homely. Serene. Reminds me of those Penang times when we went to E&E's house and commented on the symmetry of their room. There Esther was playing host to her CF friends and I joined in, saying hi to her friends and letting her unveil her spoon collection.
After that people I know started arriving and I left the quiet room to join them. We all played a game  of Taboo which was fun and proved how stupid we were because the final scores were like..."umm I think lets not count our scores" Charlynn who was in my group, said after comparing our stack of won cards to the other group's bigger pile. LOL.
YL was a very good Taboo player, I think she has lots of experience at these kinda games, I can imagine her in my mind being a very good drinking games player, KTV hostess style. HAHAH. Maybe sitting on some rich's boss's lap and forcing him to drink if he lost.
SY went around trying to honk people. At one point she said something that was kinda...anyways I could see Wendy and some others trying to see my reaction, I don't know if I let slip a flash of irritation on my face.

I was glad to see E&E's house and enjoyed their hospitality, I could tell Es was very pleased with their housewarming gift...Est was from grinning ear-to-ear...ok maybe not Est's style, she was smiling more widely than usual hehehe!
After that the lot of us sat in 3(!!) different cars to the Chomp Chomp area and had dinner at Pow Sing restaurant. Being the first to arrive there, TY and I started planning what to order already. So when the rest arrived, I let them look at the menu, before announcing the choices and after reaching a consensus I called the waitress over to order imperiously. HAHAH. Ok lah I had to do that because I wanted to get everything done fast fast chop chop and everyone else were engrossed in their own conversations.
So we ordered quite a lot of dishes! When the food came, I started stabbing the fried sotong to eat it cuz no one else wanted to start.
"This is good stuff man!" Julian said amidst chewing.
"The kang kong is really good!" TY marveled.
"Very nice!" YL said appreciatively.
And other good comments.
True and true! I would recommend Pow Sing restaurant for a family meal! I ate more than my usual and Marc looked like I could hit a drum beat on his extended stomach any time. The waitress asked if we wanted to order a plate of Hainanese Chicken at first, saying it was recommended. But we had already ordered a lot, so she said "ok I give you all 3 people's portion?" Then we agreed.
When the chicken came I thought "WHERE GOT 3 PEOPLE'S PORTION??" the heap of meat piled atop each other on the plate looked intimidating even to a group of 8.
"3 person's portion my foot!" Marc had said later.

I was seated next to TY, so we had a good chat about her job (wooo nice pay!) and seems like she enjoys her job although she was wary of telling people about her salary because people have displayed negative reactions upon knowing. When she heard of what I was planning to do she very excitedly said "REALLY! ME TOO!! I've been looking for something like that! I don't even mind volunteering lor!"
YL said I'll suit that job very well cuz I'm not very far-off from the kids I want to teach. I gave her the website and think it possible we might be future part-time colleagues!

It was a very nice family meal, we sang the birthday song twice (Marc sang in Chinese beside me I had to shove him because he was distracting me some people at the table next to us also starting clapping lol) and had a birthday cake we couldn't finish at the end and JC refused to bring it home. Instead he asked the restaurant people if they want it ("they sure don't want it one" warned SY) One of the server thanked us a lot for the cake though, looking as if she hadn't eaten one for a long time.
Over at another table, they too burst into a birthday song. JC said "See! They can sing so loud lor! What kind of birthday song was that just now!" feeling probably miffed that we didn't sing with gusto for him.

In the end JC fetched YL and I home. "High-dee!! You very lazy leh!" YL said when she wanted to stop at the main road but I said "Nooooo!! All the way homeeee!"
 I could understand her apprehension at taking the Chua's car lah lol, but I wasn't about to let him go from my questioning!
When YL alighted, JC said "Oh no, Yiling I'm gonna miss you a lot!" For a second, YL and I both went "what??" at this unusual mushiness from JC (not J. Christ ah) but YL then realised what he was afraid of. "TELL ME WHAT HE SAYS OK!" YL reminded me gleefully.
"EH! What is this!" JC protested.

In the end JC fetched me all the way to my house, even stopping there so that he could question me instead. He had to leave to go toilet halfway (that was funny). Then right, for the first time he asked me something and I was amazed that he actually wanted to know and I started laughing "WAHAHAHAH what is this?? Why so many years later then you wanna know!!" He waved off my amusement and demanded answers but honestly I couldn't remember that much. "You just don't wanna say right!" he said. I'm sure he'll ask other people instead HAHAHHA. I hope he'll ask people out more often now, he had said if it's not for this dinner he wouldn't come out -_- He is thankful to the people who organised this for him though, "you should thank in person" I told him knowing his LAZINESS.

Ok so ends this very long entry, I'm sorry I had to force you readers to read so much. But I think you all will probably skip sections lah lol. Good food and good meet-ups!

Hear Me O You Up There, Hear Me Plea

Ok actually right now I'm a bit more than worried about the haze because my bronchitis symptoms are coming back. Plus I'm currently taking anti-biotics for my @#!#% stye so my immune system might be down.

THIS IS NOT THE RIGHT TIME TO BE SICK PLEASE COME ON HAZE.

Ok I wish I am a mermaid right now so I can drink water and pee and drink water and pee, just on the spot, wherever I happen to be floating. Plus I can breathe through gills. Then again air dissolves in the water so I might suffer from food poisoning.
And Tacky cannot come live with me. Because despite common misconception, terrapins do not actually live underwater as they breathe in air.

It's a little unbearable.

Of the past, and the past.

Today, as I was on a bus ride back home from school I saw an old lady in front of me. As she kept glancing behind to look at some indeterminable thing, I started noticing her. My gaze traveled from her brown leather shoes that held no feet, as she had freed her feet from their confines, to the hand she rested on her knees to the top of her immaculately combed silver hair.
I took note of the neat and slim watch that she wore and thought "here is someone who still keeps time on her hands." Then she stretched out an arm to hold the handle of the seat in front of her, a jade bangle encircled the thin wrists, with freckled skin that bespoke decades of existence. I thought of the obvious care she still took with her appearance, the jade bangle a delicate and feminine accessory common in times past.
All of a sudden, I felt this almost perceptible swoosh of time and the wrinkles melted away to be fleshed out by smooth skin. I glanced up to her face to see the image of a young woman's profile.
Once before, in years gone by, this person must have been a confident, secure and attractive woman who took pride in being presentable.
Maybe it was the haze, but I felt the slight sting of what might have been tears in my eyes, and my heart's fist muscles squeezed a little in poignant remembrance and tribute.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today, WK inspired me with thoughts of money-making when he related tales of his ENTREPRENEURIAL past and money-making adventures. And he was actually successful enough to expand! But he had to quit his business after coming to hall. What is this! I have no idea you were such a money-making machine once! He has thus inspired me in another one of my monetary schemes.
Oh my friends, do not fret rely on your sugar mummy to "yang" (support) all of you now!

Why must this stupid thing keep coming back?
It's damn frustrating to  be struck what...4 times in one month???
Maybe there is something really wrong with me after all..........

ARGH.

Winnie-The-Pooh ended with Christopher Robin never going back to the 100-acre woods because he outgrew Pooh bear. Wendy left Peter Pan, while Bastian forgot Neverland. Why do childhood stories always have to end with the little boys and girls growing up?

This Entry Has Been Deleted By The Moderator

I seal my words in invisible ink,
for no eyes to trespass the boundaries of a heart.

Nascent Butterfly
Sight intrudes,
the gaze captures
torn wings beside
a ruptured chrysalis.

The Future is Ahead, Lets Grab It With Our Teeth

Today, I excitedly went to source out my future career (perhaps) place and together with YL, we trudged into an unknown and exciting life path...My Foot.
It's supposed to be N.A.G.S' (HAHAH Singapore's love of acronyms has done severe injustice to this one) open house so I thought I could actually do my little P.I stuff and see if it's a good place to work at/network with people and ask if they need people pretty please.


Totally misleading! Open House = displaying what you have to offer, the dynamic, new and exciting world! Instead it's just like a tour of the Supreme Court to show off...the Supreme Court.
Not like the S.C wasn't a nice place to visit, in fact seeing all the court rooms just brings back nostalgic memories of old TCS courtroom drama shows. But YL and I were disappointed that we didn't even get a whiff of a painting.
Anyways, I do like the grand prize winner for photos of the S.C. Among all the other glittering/nostalgic/grand/arty farty photographs of the S.C, it really stood out due to its macabre interpretation of the S.C. It was a fish-eye, wide lens take on a stark holding cell, with shadows of bars and lines slicing it into bleak perspectives.
In less chimo-momo words, means that hor other photos show like nice views of the S.C, like the outside lah, the courtroom ah, the patterns of the floor ah, this photo shows a grim cell used to hold the criminals. Justice comes with a price.

Despite my disappointment however, I told YL to treat this outing as a date as we walked towards the exit.
"You mean like a date date?"
"Yeah, why can't friends have dates? Ooooh look a sunny courtyard! Lets take some romantic photos! Or I could take a jump shot, you go jump."

After some shots whereby I ordered YL to pose "eh hand against the window like you're pining for someone...eh look like a ghost in this shot, eh go sit on the shelf" and took some explicit shots YL was dying for a drink in the blazing and hazy weather.
The weather's been a killer recently, sometimes I think if I'm a potato I would have been baked to perfection already.
So we went to the Earshot at the Arts House and she had a cold passionfruit juice and I had hot chocolate. "Why you drink hot chocolate in this weather."
"Cuz I like it."

And there we chit and chatted, grousing about people, talking speculatively about the future/ours/singapore and shared a bread pudding what was quite nice and had an addictive faintly floral milk sauce.
Afterwards we explored the 'Korean Eye' Art exhibition while I tried to get a feel of what might be a future job for me. Interesting art pieces, wish I could describe them but am too lazy to, no pictures no camera and I don't think you guys wanna read critical commentary anywhere.
YL and I were fascinated by a video installation call 'The White House' though. It showed a US $20 bill on an LCD screen and the rest of the film was to show a man within the bill white-washing the White House.
So for what, 40min? He was just painting the White House. Highly recommended for insomniacs.
I thought of A too and wanted to sms her "EH I'm looking at Korean art now!"since she really wants to go to Korea next year, but as usual, I dislike smsing.

YL and I then lumbered on to Orchard Central to collect her Nike Run stuff. The Nike shirt was something a trash collector would wear, due to its fluorescent lime green colouring.
"AHH MY EYES!" I moaned.
"What, what happened?" Yl asked in concern.
"Your shirt...'tis too bright for me eyes."
"Okay."

We then went to 313 because food at OC is expensive, and YL wanted to eat sashimi so I said "oh there's a Jap restaurant starting with 'W'...Watami or something...Waraku?"
and we spent minutes traveling up and down to find that elusive jap restaurant W, and then on the escalator I sheepishly said "ehhh....actually I think it's at Ion."
"HEIDI."

However we ended up eating at Kamado, a jap restaurant with charcoal grilled specialties. In fact it was rather like what the baepu and I ate at Tenza Izayaka on Tuesday. Speaking of which, she has a food blog with a review on it. asecondserving.blogspot.com It's a nice and simple foodblog-next-door, but the pictures can be a little bit heart-threatening due to sheer size, I suspect I can even detect teeth marks. Ok advertising aside, I spent as much at this restaurant as I did at Tenza. But at least the sashimi was $5 per plate! Hola bola! But only if you bought the set.

One thing that bothered me was the brisk attitude of the staff. Not to say they were rude, but rather everything was done so quickly it made me feel a little stressed because you know they just want to hurry so that they can get more customers in and out. So it's a little hard to enjoy your time there, but perhaps it's because it's a Saturday night.
When Yl and I first went in, the restaurant was half-empty, we chose a place that could seat 4 people, and YL placed her bags on the chair beside her. Then another couple came in (2 ladies) and one server asked if YL could remove her bags from the chair, which YL did, then the couple were escorted to the table beside Yl and I. Like uh....too close for comfort hello?? I jokingly remarked "this is like Hong Kong" where total strangers often had to sit next to each other to save space.
I could tell the two ladies were bothered too, cuz they said half-amazed, half-joking with hints of irritation "hai you hen duo wei ah, you hen duo ren meh?" (still got a lot of places ah, got a lot of people here meh?")

But we were ones to make the best of a situation, so we tried not to eavesdrop and instead concentrated on each other and our meal. YL and I then talked about more salacious stuff not fit for the ears of the general public and then it was time to go home!
So all in all, nice, wu eh bo eh (delightfully aimless) day spent! I enjoyed the date and the partner, we should do this more often.
I love traveling around aimlessly with no consideration of time spent and just do whatever sparks the fancy with no limits on time or curfew.

Oh before I end, YL said this "Heidi I can't wait to depend on you to earn lots of money, buy a car and drive me around!!"
"Yah me too! I can't wait!!" Then I realise what I said.
"Eh wait, why is everyone depending on me to get rich, get a car and support them??"
At this rate I already have more than 3 people to support! "Why are people always thinking I'm gonna be rich next time ah?" I asked YL in puzzlement.
She told me what I already expected.
I feel like a mini-sugar daddy now.

On Water

Ok today, or actually 45 min ago, was Blog Action Day whereby blogs from all over the world unite to post on a specified topic on the same day.
This year's theme is on Water, in order to promote global awareness on the environmental and human rights issue of providing potable water to people.
So I shall do my part for the Blog World and post something on water, which I happen to like, since I take to water, like a duck to water. Lol ok pun/cliche aside Heidi.

Before I go onto my water part, I need to post about today. However I have been drowning in exhaustion for a while already that my brain feels all fuzzy and mushy so I'm probably gonna miss out on what I would like to say/is relevant. Alright lets just skip to the deep end.
Recently, I have discovered the joys of taking bus BTC1 in NUS. Why? a) free b) convenient c) fast.
It gives me cheap thrill to be zooming past the expressways on a free ride with air con and with no stops. This cuts my traveling time down by 30mins. What's there not to like about a free bus ride.

So, today I wanted to take BTC back as usual, and walked with my classmates out to the bus stop. I think they are really nice and like me too because one of the girl actually asked if I wanted to have dinner with them. Wah, even I might not be so nice and friendly ahahaha. We chatted along the way and I told them my plans to take BTC and waxed lyrical about how fast/convenient it was, I also introduced them to my source of sashimi-- Sakuraya etc etc
Suddenly I saw the BTC bus looming and screamed "AHHH MY BUS!!" This bus is not only free/fast/efficient, it is also a very special bus...because it comes once every 30min.
I knew I was never gonna make it at the current bus stop outside LT13. The scene of waiting 30min at a hot bus stop flashed through my mind and...I ran for it. To the next bus stop. Before BTC gets there.
"GOTTA RUN FOR MY BUS BYE!" Heidi shrieked out as she zoomed past her astonished group mates so fast they might have gotten whiplash. And I ran, and ran, and ran, and cursed mentally "it's so faaaaaarrrrrr I'm dying dammit".
Pao ba, hai zi! If I were the character in the movie running to win the 2nd prize of new school shoes, I would have won the first prize instead because I ran like nobody's business. Heart hurts, dizzy, can't breathe wanna collapse. The bus made it to the stop before I did. My mind refused to believe that all that bloody running like a headless chicken was for nothing and so I waved frantically to the bus uncle to let him know I was running for him and he probably was telepathic and a nice uncle because he waited!
Omg I am so grateful to him because I made it and hobbled up that bus while wondering if I was gonna collapse of heart failure.

So yes thank you bus uncle of the 5+pm BTC1 bus. *bows*

Just posting that makes me feel exhausted. Actually why am I so tired recently??
Ok on to water.
Aiya this post is gonna be so long so I shall make it quick.
I love water, though I don't drink 8 glasses a day.
I love bathing, I love being near water. It calms, centres and soothes me. Most of my greatest theories in life have been formulated while taking long showers. I know Singapore has a lack of water resources and needs to buy it from the neighbourhood Malaysia and we've been at odds over the price of water like squabbling guinea pigs. I know that water bills are high, but water is my therapy, it replenishes, nourishes and soaks me like I'm a koala baby cuddled by eucalyptus leaves.
Oooh make me wet~
EWE.

K, I am thankful to have safe, accessible, drinking water at the turn of the tap. Many many years ago, I read the novel 'Walkabout' and the aboriginal word for running water was 'akoonah'. That word stuck with me because the very sound of the word exemplifies the cooling, flowing and liquid characteristics of water. So yes, save the earth, go green, drink more water and pee more.

On the Grill

Met up with S today for lunch even though I skipped classes, as I also have another appointment later on.

When she first saw me, she said in surprise "you look different, did you do anything? you look more womanly now"
I was like "uh...I never do anything, maybe it's the shirt...I look the same la, how long have you not seen me ah?"

"For months! Since like May!"
Then I was surprised, because it didn't feel like such a long time! In fact when I saw her it was like not much time has passed, I couldn't even register that it had been 5 months since I last did.
However, I did not hesitate to tell her this... "LOOK AT MY COMPLEXION NOW!"
Everyone I've met recently, I have not spared them a detailed look at my complexion, plus photos of my swollen eye. I have this need to let people see me at my ugliest, as if I am the 'Before' version of a makeover show. I think it's a way to convince myself that yes, I actually have many many many pimples now, reality hasn't sunk in yet. It is slowly seeping in though.

Immediately, I grilled S about her personal life like she was a tender pork loin yakitori and I the zealous chef.

Yakitori being grilled (credits to wikibaby!)










She tried to delay my questioning by pleading extreme hunger so I gave her some time to gobble up her food before turning on the heat.
In the end she blurt everything out, although halfway in she said "why am I complaining to you about my love life??"
"Oh go on, I don't mind." I said indulgently, like a fat kid with an ice-cream stick.

When I asked her "are you happy?"
She said "that's a very good question..." *Cue dramatic music*

Heidi goes into Pink Panther mode...
"The average human happiness level is like a buoy floating on this level of water, how do you pronounce buoy, boy? So what's your level?"
"Very low."
"Okkaay, lets say your normal level is negative 5m below sea level, so what's your level now? -4?"
"Actually, it's lower."
"Har...."

S reaaaally reminds me of someone, I accurately guessed her and her bf's zodiac signs. S is a Sagittarius, S thinks a lot, S says hurtful things to her bf sometimes. S REMINDS ME OF WHO?? YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE HAHAHAH.

S wanted to know my blog address. "What is it??" She pleaded. I refused to tell her.
"Last time I told you, you forgot, now you must go and find out yourself."
"I know it starts with Winter one right! Winter what? Winter flower?" Heidi grimaced. "Uh, think of something more lit." I hinted.

"Winter Liminality?"

"....ok something less Patke."

"I don't knowwww tell meeee!"

"Aiya, very easy to search one, you see it is only when something is difficult to get that you treasure it more."

"I did! I tried to search on google." HAHAHA WHAT?? How did you try to search man??
"I typed in your full name."

And so, S, lets see how long you can take to find my address heheheh.

Another thing I told S is that, I actually prefer staying single right now. It's a choice. I think there are just some parts of me I still refused to share with other people. Independence is a very heady feeling, like a free-fall with your eyes closed and arms wrapped around yourself.
It's not say I'm anti-commitment, or a commitment-phobe...sort of k. It's just that sometimes you just want to enjoy something, the state of being, while it lasts.
Also, when I read about studies that say what married people are happier and live longer and all that ah...sometimes I think it's a type of socialisation that's going on. I used to read comments about people saying that "single people are a waste of money because next time when they are old, the younger generation need to pay more tax just to support them."
Very mean right.

Actually, someone has also conducted a study to debunk all those myths, and here are her conclusions, which I very much agree with.
"Looking at the quantified results, you can see how happy the participants were in the years before getting married, how happy they were in the early years of marriage, and how happy they were later on," she said. "There was a little blip around the wedding and honeymoon, but overall it showed that people who were happy before getting married were happy afterwards and the people who weren't happy before getting married aren't happy now. Being happy has more to do with their individual personalities than whether or not they're married."

Kudos to the last part. You have to be happy with yourself first before you can be happy with someone else.
Ok please don't mistake this for a rant, skali like Sumiko Tan I end up getting married months later hahahaha!
I am just saying, only. And yes, I believe that marriage is advantageous also, but it depends on the personalities involved, not so much the state of being married, or attached in itself.
If I sound bitter, yes it is also because I have been stigmatised before. Like wah lao, is my life only worthwhile if some guy wants me and I am married with kids??
LOL. Ok feminist rant now.

I shall end this post on a sweet note lah, wait people say Heidi is cynical, jaded and a dried up old spinster who pooh-poohs couples (I wrote a poem just about that before lol!)
Oh wait, poem, reminds me. In class on Tuesday, this exchange student started talking to me, he was being friendly I guessed, but he really reminds me of another guy whom I don't exactly have a nice impression of. When he found out I'm a lit student, he immediately asked if I write poetry.
"yes."
"Oh! Where do you write them, do you publish them?" He asked excitedly.
"Uh yes. I used to post on this website but not really now."
I think he realised I was not about to tell him where I post them on.
Before you think I'm being anti-social, it's just that I was very tired with only 2 hours of sleep so you can't blame me for being laconic. Plus, he really looks like that other guy!! I can't get past that oops =X
But he's a sweet guy lah, he goes to listen to poetry competitions, he's the first business major I know that likes poetry so much he goes to poetry slam competitions, and says nice things about NUS. Lol. Never knew I was so loyal to the school.

Right, this post is a little staid today because I'm still reaaaallly tired. I shall end of with a wedding blessing. Let there be such oneness between us, that when one cries, the other will taste salt.

We're living (leaving) in moments

"We die to each other daily. What we know of other people is only our

memory of the moments during which we knew them. And they have changed
since then. To pretend that they and we are the same is a useful and
convenient social convention which must sometimes be broken. We must
also remember that at every meeting we are meeting a stranger."
—

T.S. Eliot

 

Faith posted that and reading those words felt like someone was reading my mind out loud. You're not the same person today as you were yesterday, being changed by each day's moments. Sometimes when I hang out with people, it feels like I'm being caught in a surreal time warp. My mind notes every detail, as if time had slowed down. Perhaps the shape of their fingers and the particular way they wave their hands when they talk, or how they smile with crinkles underneath their eyes. Notice, remember, imprint in heart. The next time when I meet them, I try to find in them those familiar ways to assure myself they are still the same people I know. But sometimes they aren't, the changeable ones. So I reacquaint myself with them, finding them anew, loving them all over again.

World is multi-layered and distinct this way.

Heidi the Hag

Think I'm getting old..all-nighters are really exhausting!
Gives me minor flu and a general mental, physical inertia that makes me feel tired to even sms!
The body was so leaden today I was even having difficulty dragging myself out, I never pang seh woori baepu though was tempted to oops ahaha! After the harrowing day yesterday, it's good to relax and as I always unabashedly say "always good to spend time wi' choo while I still can!"

OK I feel the start of the essay season buzzing around me. Buzz buzz.
Lets see I have, one, two, three essays to write and a test on Friday, clothes to hang, a job site to recce, a camera to buy to take my last moments in NUS......
"Life! Don't run too fast! I hate runningggg!!"

Random thought of the day: Today I saw an empty cab waiting by the roadside before a bus stop, I don't know for who. It's perhaps an aimless waiting. Then a bus was driving in to the bus stop and the cab had to drive forward, it then stopped again after the bus stop. As the cab drove past me and I saw the haggard face of the cab driver, I thought "living just to make a living."
It's not a depressing thought, but sometimes, people really live just to make a living.

As I told Potato today, "it's only the young people that can look aimless and still be alright! We must make use of this chance to look aimless while we still can!"
Yes, being aimless is a prerogative.

Puff

Is it the pimples that are making me feel stressed, or is it the stress that is giving me pimples?
Either way, I feel stressed.
There's too many miles to go before I sleep and I always feel sleepy whenever I have work to do. It's like the body automatically forms barriers against doing work.
It's like I have an allergic reaction to work.

It's like...it's like...I'm wasting time here. Oie.

What I thought I would be doing at 10 years old

When I was 6 years old, I remember holding my dad's hand as we walk along the outside of my primary school towards nowhere in particular. I mused about my future and told my dad definitely, "Papa, I will have a boyfriend when I am 10 years old."

To this day, he never lets me forget it.
Nevermind the fact that to a six-year-old, a ten-year-old might as well be an adult already.
Well, he was probably shocked out of his young father wits that his first and only daughter wanted to be attached at the tender age of 10, skipping the phases of childhood and straight into potential young motherhood.

This is my 10.10.10 10.10PM entry, marking what I thought my life would be like at 10 years old.
This is also to mark how I never should count my eggs before they hatch because fate always transpires to make you look back at yourself and think, "really? I said that...really? Seriously."
I do not blame him for being traumatised though.

Back then, I really got into situations with boys every now and then. HAHHAHAHA. Oh but my heart was never anyone's to take~~