Heid's back from the grave!

Woo, I'm still rather surprise people still come to my blog considering it's been inactive since I-don't-know-when.

Well those who know me well will understand, Heidi is just plain nuckingfuts lazy. I saw someone's name as nuckingfuts, and found it nice to say out. Nuckingfuts. Naaahking Farts. Hoo.

Anyways, I'll be going to China next tuesday and won't be back till December 7. Maybe I should just bring back Avian Flue for everyone.
Hachoo! Pui pui!

Went for dinner with Marya and Cassandra just now, and they were talking about how shit will steam in winter.

....

Nevermind.

Will be having A maths exam paper 2 tomorrow, the official O levels one and instead of studying I'm blogging. Says something about my priorities in life doesn't it?

I think my vocab will detoriate further once I'm in China, I've been stagnating in the Cheena Jc of Nanyang for so long that 1/2 of my vast arsenal of words have been wiped out with simple neglect. Like tautology, "whole entire" is a tautology, many people use it unconsciously, even my school's GP teacher. OOOhhhh at least I can still type chim.

Aiya ok time to stop being a poseur. I don't even understand what I was typing. HEIDI'S BRAINS ARE DECOMPOSING!!!!

But even if they do decompose, I'm still smarter than everyone. Like, I'm a friggin genius??
HAHAHAHAHHAHA.

I think I need a huge slap on my face.

~China is a large country with many chinese.~

Why I'm glad I don't have to go through Puasa

Ok this wouldn't be a racist post, but I would like to state how glad am I that I do not have to go through Puasa, fasting during a month.
I really take my hat off Muslims who go through fasting without eating and drinking, you people have more self-will then me.
And one of my friend said her nose darn itchy she didn't dare to scratch cuz don't know whether it violates the Muslim rule during Puasa and I went "WAH, another reason to be glad I don't go through Puasa"

I mean like, I can't even dig my nose?? Oh man, that's torture.

just kidding.

Hehe.

~Heidi signing out, playing Maple~

Aurealis and Faine in Bootes
Dazzled in Aquila

Ok Here I am

Yah I know I said I'll be back once I get back my internet connection, which I did, last week.
So most of you probably think that "Aiya...must be Heidi lazy again laaaa...."
Which is...not true!!

I wasn't studying for promos either, it was because, I've discovered this game which I am not addicted to...Maplestory!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In fact I could play it 13 hours straight, if only I didn't have to bathe, eat or sleep, I would have played it 25/7.

In fact, I'm so mad over it that I went asking all my friends, "EH YOU GOT PLAY MAPLESTORY??"
And of course they'll say no and I'll say "YOU MUST PLAY!! Very fun!!"
Pardon all my exclamation marks, am too exvited about the game, which happens to be down this moment, that's why I am finding the time now to update my blog lol.

Also, I want into comic shops and asked, "Do you have the maplestory card?"
They'll say yes and how many do I want and I'll say one, and before I knew it, I bought a $10.50 card, with hardly any idea why I bought it in the first place. It all happened so fast and I did it again, in total spending over $20, and I'm going to do it again like...today.

Omg I'm mad.
Anyways, met Marya yesterday to go back to Xinmin to take cert.
Today meeting badminton girls.

Suddenly everyone seems to be wanting to ice-skate. I'm always wanting to ice-skate.

Come on babes I'm on, find me, find me, I want to ice-skate. You wanna ice-skate???
Skate with me!
You wanna play Maplestory? (which I strongly encourage) Play with me!!

Anyways, my written report for project work gets an Exceeding expectation, which I'm so glad of, I knew it anyways, I'll get something like that. MUAHAHAHHAA. Eh this is hard work ok! All the stress over PW and the group members and all the frustration over their unwillingness to contribute/think/take initiative. All the re-typing, researching information to fill up loopholes, editing to less than 3000 words, sigh, just hope that the exceeding expectation marks will remain constant.

Now coming to Oral Presentation, another think gto worry about, not about my part though, I'm ok with presenting, but about my group's parts, I'll have to write out a script for them, cuz I don't think the rest besides maybe Samantha will have any idea about what they are going to say about the project. And I don't like doing powerpoint slides, must figure out what media to present too. Furthermore, I am going to be asked questions again and again and again. Don't really like that.

Oops, gonna be late for the meeting with the badminton girls. Me fellow lesbians!
A'ight seeya!

~Love, Heidi, the frigginchiogirl~

Sat!

Ok it's not that I've delibrately went on absence and stopped posting, it's just that I've changed internet servers, from pacific net to singnet, so I'll see you guys on Saturday!

By then most of my exams will be over(not that I haven't already started playing)
so if you'er gonna miss me, you know who to sms.

Me of course.

Tada!

One little news report and it comes crashing...again.

There are things in life that could never be said, for fear of the reaction, outrage, shame and hype it would caused. When these things are begging to be voiced out, just so to lessen confusion and a sense of wrong, when there's always a reminder of what happened, in the form of a particular person whom you have the worst luck in the world to see almost everyday, what to do then?

Simple. Shut up. Act stupid.

Sigh. If only it were as easy as that.

Aiyer!!! Heidi what happened to your luck?
Turned bad!

I mean I know I'm not a very nice person and all but what did I do in my past life to deserve this?? I must have hit a bus full of nuns while driving a stolen car on my way to selling drugs to school children!!

It's quite a torture man, I'm scratching my hair out over frustration and helplessness at this ironic twist of bad-ass fate.
I think in no small part you have screwed up a bit of my emotional growth. Were you to blame though? Or were you too young to know.

And why do I have this dreadful feeling that everytime you look at me in that particular way, you remembered what you did??? ARGH. Bastard.

~Heidi needs a shrink. No wait, a Tall, Dark and Handsome husband would be better.~

Someday

Someday

I saw the bird.

Alone; her downy softness soaring

even against the glare, the vengeful

glare, of a prideful storm.

But, oh, how the lonely,

lovely bird . . . she flew.

And my eyes cried warm joyous tears,

while angry clouds dropped

a cold and jealous rain.

For we knew;

someday,

I would fly too.

by luvleetasha.

O how we weather storms.

A phone call from Mee.

Ok Maggie is weird, she called me up to ask if I was free to have lunch with her. Suspecting something, I asked, "at where?" Silence. "Um tanjong Pagar." Which is about as far away as America from where I am now.

Can't I'm sick! Have exams! Want to flab it up at home! She told me about a job, which I heard as "Jog".
"You want to jog? Today?" (I thought I just told you I'm sick!)
"No lah, not today, when you're free."
"What jog, jog where?"

Later I found out she meant job. -_-
"It's a job in sales."
"What kind."
"Sales lah."
"Yah what kind?"
"Sales!"
"YES SELL WHAT? Condoms is it?!"
"HAHAHA. No. Mattress."
"Huh you want me to sell a mattress?"
"Eh no..it's not really...aiya! You come to tanjong pagar then I explain to you lah."

Of course I didn't go, since I'm still typing here now. Well maggie, you can explain to me here. Lol.

Who are you?

There was this Mr Brown's blog that had a post starting with I am the boy who...
I thought that was very interesting, perhaps I should write a post like that too.

I am the girl who stole your chocolates.
I am the girl who copied your test answers.

Of course Mistah Brown's one was more meaningful. Then again, people would so be tempted to type out their personal lives using the "I am the..." format. Somehow it reveals so much about ourselves, yet enables us to detach ourselves from what we're typing. Darn dangerous I say. I'll be typing out much more than I would normally tell anyone!

I am the girl who was born on the 8th of July, with a big big head.(shows that I'm smart)
I am the girl who gave you grief since she ran around so much(bare-footed)
I am the girl who couldn't stop talking, even when teachers told her to shut up.
I am the girl who bullied 2 boys(and more I think) when she was only 7.

You know, something like that. I have another "I am the girl" post which is much more intimate(as in personal) than this, but I don't think I'll be posting it here. 'Sides, I'm only 17, already 17. Still miles to go before I die.

Let me complain about how annoyed I am to always be the last one in the household to get sick. As usual, my brother is the first one who contracted a sickness, then it'll pass to my father, then to my mother. For a few days it remains that way, my brother and father and mother will be well again, then it comes to my turn to get sick.
Bah. Nevermind, at least they are the guinea pigs for all the different types of medicine.

Exams coming and I get sick! Courtesy of BRYAN NG JING EN. Stab you stab you! Oh the violent reaction is because he gets the Playstation Portable and I don't. When I have been the one longing and saving up for it. GAH. How unfair life is for Heidi.

Ok no. At least I still have food to eat while people in Africa are starving. Yes Heidi is lucky. Lucky lucky. Stupid Bryan.

~I am the girl who ended up with flu~

I'm a little teapot

I like to sing this song since it suits me so well.

I'm a little teapot short and stout,
here is my handle, here is my spout.

Ok I don't know how to sing the rest.

My exams are coming soon(like less than 1 week away) and I haven't started my studying. Looking back at my other entries I can see a common thread. --->Exams coming, not studying, in the end get so-so results.
Argh Heidi! *slap slap your wriggly fat butt!* STUDY!!

Did I post here that I'll be going to Lijiang, in Yunnan, China from Nov 23rd to Dec 7? I'll be going there to teach English! Yay. It's gonna be cold there too, 'cept that it most likely won't be snowing. Which is sad because I've never seen real snow. I've enough of detergent and foam kind. I've always want to taste snow, be very cold.

My aunt wanted to lend me a coat, a la what you see in Winter Sonata. ALAS! My momma said there's no need to lend me anything too expensive since I'm not going to a very fashionable place. I was devastated since I want to wear a winter coat! Singapore you wear winter coat you'll either sweat to death out of dehydration, get heat stroke, or get send to Woodbridge.

SIGH. Means I cannot show off my nice fashionable coat. Eheh.

I'm very excited about the trip since a) I've never been out of Singapore/Malaysia, b) LiJiang seems like a very traditional chinese place, c) Independence! d) I get to impose my methods of teaching english and no one can protest!

There's only one thing I'm very scared of. The toilet. The non-existent modern toilet that I've been accustomed to for the past 17 years of my life. I'll have to use a hole to, um plop in, for the 4 days I'm up in the moutains. That's not all, I'll not be the only one plopping in the same hole. T_T

Hygiene! How can I survive without bathing or a proper toilet??
I think I'm going to have constipation.

By the way, does anyone have those fashionable winter coats? Can you lend me?? Let me wear some nice winter clothing for once! Oh and leather gloves too.

~Heidi's going to China! Where they eat everything! WEE!~

May God Grant You...

May God grant you comfort and peace.
I was glad to have known you
and your neverending sense of cheerfulness and optimism.
Very sorry I couldn't know you even longer,
even deeper,
before you have to go.
Even now I still wish for a miracle,
that perhaps you could recover.
But Dear Wolfy,
peace be to you,
and your husband,
as well as all those who love you.

Amen.

I Will Survive

I'm not that stupid little person who's still in love with you.

I thought that was a nice line to say, though I haven't been in love before lol. I have a feeling I'll be saying that line one day and meaning it.

Well, can finally come online, still unable to use MSN though. Nevermind, I don't chat much anyways, too busy surfing porn. Hurhur. More like doing project work/history work.

Today I visited Woodbridge, no not because I was refered there, actually in a sense I was. I was there for an interview, Project Work you know. So I'm not crazy or whatever, although the psychologist interviewed did say I have a higher chance of getting *gasp* schizophrenia or some other stuff.
But it's alright, I'm not that worried, anyways the psycho...logist said that as long as you know how to contrl your stress levels and all that you'll be alright. Wee, I'm not a very stressful person. Mags saw me taking pictures of Woodbridge, while on a bus, she said she recognized me from my bouncing. Although I don't think she meant my boobs, not that big to bounce visibly. EHEHEHE.

It took all the strength I had not to fall apart.

If you're wondering where I got all my italic lines from, it's from Cake's oh-so-inspiring song "I Will survive"
We should all take this as a motto as a ward against the vagaries/vulgarities of our all too human life.
Umm, I wonder why people's always asking me how I'm so confident/strong/cheerful, lemme tell you man, I know kung-fu. AHAH. Ok just kidding, I had always wanted to learn karate though, kick men's balls! The secret of being strong lies in...learning to learn not to sweat the small stuff. So I'm not overly worried if I failed my history test or if someone happens to dislike me. Sure I'll be a little upset, but then I realize I CAN'T DO A BLOODY THING ABOUT IT, well actually I can, but WHAT'S THE FRIGGIN POINT?
Something like that.

Of course you can protest and say "but I'm weak! I can't be strong like you!" Nonsense. We shouldn't be self-made victims, we should never make oursevles as victims as our situations. So someone offends you, nevermind, step on that person's toe. Do something about it instead of moping around. Yeap, maybe you didn't do well in your test, or perhaps you got hurt by your family, you're still you, you still have your strengths...and weaknesses. Don't sit around and whine and start blaming everyone but yourself. Or blaming yourself for being weak. What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. Easy for me to say? Well not really, you forget, I have both environment and biological make-up as reasons for me to turn insane like any moment. So by rights I should have more difficulties keeping cool. Eh, that's quite a funny thought. Which brings me to another point, you HAVE to learn to laugh at yourself and the ironies of life. Life is tragically ironic, yet it can also be joyfully ironic. However, it is more often of the former. Which means you can't take life or yourself too seriously at times.

It's the key to being emotionally strong. If *choi* any of my loved ones died, I'll be sad of course, but we all have to look forward, no time to waste being depressed.

Perhaps I find it a little more easy to be quite um, strong since I have a role model and the realisation that no one can take care of me should anything happen. So there's always the motivation to be strong. But it's alright, one baby step at a time towards self-empowerment. Towards living life independently. While you're on the road to being STRONG and HARD, do learn to be a little sacarstic and caustic. At least you'll get bullied less. Oh yah, knowing karate doesn't hurt too! Hie-yah! Chop! Chop!

"Dance and the whole world dances with you, fall and make sure you get up quick after that."

Coochie coochie coo!

HI bloggie baby!! Heidi hasn't been posting for a long long time, probably because she seemed to have lost that sense of humour. Ok not humour, maybe goofiness.
Anyways, I think first-born children(with exception of only childs) have a more controlling personality. Like me, I'm always telling my brother to do this do that. "BRYAAAAN WASH THE PLATES!!"

But that's only because he's always the one making a mess. Oh yah, sometimes he pisses me off too, so I can't resist the urge to smack him. "STUPID!" Hurhur. What a bad sister.

I watched Child of Our Times(COT)(you should watch it, very interesting documentary and the babies are soooo cute, except when they salivate) and there were some pretty enlightening tidbits, next time when I have children I'm gonna follow these tips.
For example, you should let your baby eat a lot a lot, cuz the food will coat the brain with fats, so the child will be smarter. Fatty brain = smart brain. I was so excited about this fact that I asked my mother if I ate alot when I was young, so I'm so smart now. I shouldn't have bothered asking man, she immediately spent 10 minutes telling me I put her off having kids again cuz I was a nightmare, had to take 3 hours just to finish my food, run around shopping centres like a hyper-active kid....blah blah blah. Argh.
Nevermind, at least I'm eating a lot now, I just wonder why is it that I'm flabbier instead of having a bigger brain.

COT provided me with an ego-boosting session since they said first-childs tend to be smarter and the intelligence of the child will decrease with every child. WOOHOOOOHOOO! But of oucrse, creativity will most probably increase with every child. So I'm smarter than my brother but less creative than him??
NAH. I'm better than him in every way. MUAHAHA. *slap slap* I must stop being so pompous

Also, you should give your child plenty of attention, this somehow seems to boost the child's intelligence too. Probably because parents can stimulate the children to use their brains. I think I was a pretty independent kid since young, anything and everything is a toy. Like sticking my fingers into a rotating fan. Up to now my father still exclaims at how crazy a kid I was. Playing with boys then rolling down into a drain, almost getting knocked down by a car when I ran across a road, getting lost every other hour, being enamoured by getting myself hurt or bloody. So on. BUT HOW COME I'M SO KIA SI(scared of dying) NOWADAYS??

If I had to cross a wide road, I would probably take about 5 min to get to the other side even when there are little cars. Cuz I'm scared I'll get knocked down by a car 200 metres away. Chicken me. Pwark.

~Heidi is back after a millenia!~

HULLO WORLD.

Oh Hi bloggie! Long time no see man! Ok actually I'm still the usual Heidi, 'cept it's harder to be nicer now. I really have the urge to tell off some people, but have to hold back! Because the last time I seriously told someone off I made her cry, and I wasn't even being stern, just honest. Ok here's an example,

When someone in a non-joking manner, tells another person she is fat, say this, "Excuse me, you're like, fat too?"

Hurhur.

I notice that people really have many many prejudices against others who happen to piss them off at a certain time. Well, that's natural, I would probably be prejudiced and happy about it too if it wasn't for the events that occured a few years ago. Then, I really learnt the true extent of being ostrasized, those who hadn't gone through the ordeal of everybody against you for months, the delibrate cruelty displayed to you everyday. (think of girl gangs, think of abuses, and you've got half of it.)Wah. I think I would admire myself if I wasn't myself, if I knew what I went through, without telling anybody.

I'm not Mother Teresa...yet. I still lasped into that bitchy mood, especially if provoked.

So let me stop warning me about myself.

http://www.quizdiva.net/shortestpersonalitytest/black.jpg"> %20color="#000000">You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant.Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle.You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs. For you, comfort and calm are very important.You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection.You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong.

World's Shortest Personality Test

Seriously though, when I think about my close friends, I realized I would rather risk my life than get them hurt. The extent of my friggin loyalty, too bad I can't give to others who don't deserve it. Still, everyone deserves my consideration, so I shall apologise if I hurt anyone beyond bearing. Then again, I think people should STOP thinking they are being victimized. For God's sake, step out of this rut!

Also life is precious, don't use your life to threaten those close to you. 5 years later, if you manage to survive from your narcissm, you'll understand "DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF". Die? Please, compare the misery you're going through to those in Africa. Like I always said, there are people in Africa struggling to live, and there are people in Singapore, fighting to die. Then again, insurance pay-offs are always good reasons to kick the bucket, by all means, go die.

I think my manic-depressive/borderline disorder is getting worse man. But it's better than last time. Last time, it was so darn hard to hold on to sanity. Oh my friend has obsessive-compulsive disorder too! Same like me! Yay! She totally has my symptoms man. But the way she hurts herself is like, cutting herself. I don't go that far. I'm bloody scared of pain and blood. Funny, she flinches at what I do. I grimaced at hers. We are two sadists.

Argh, Heidi! You have to be nice! Must must! Control! Cannot bitch! But can be a slut and bimbo!

ok in case you think I'm some deranged person, I'm not, like every other blogging personality, what you see, read, isn't what you get.

People like Marya, Mags, badminton mates, they keep me nice and full of warmth. I'm more myself with them. Just to be a bit thick skin here, with them, it's like a 180 degrees turn from what I am in nyjc. In ny, people actually can't imagine me being bullied lor. In Xinmin I everytime kena bullied. Whahah. I like being bullied. OHH hit me again. Joke.

I think different people bring out the best and worst in me. If you deserve it I'll probably be nice to you.
Oh some more! In ny, they practise a kind of reverse snobbery. In xinmin, I rarely get blamed for scoring even though I never studied for my exams. In ny, it's like people have to bring out my "smartness" every now and then, and it'll be an excuse to hate me. Excuse me, whatever pride you think I have for being so-called "smarter" than you, is imagined. They'll think I'll delibrately think they are stupid or whatever, which is totally not true, they end up being snobbish to me, because they think I'm smart with the opinion that they are stupid. I don't really like it when people tell me I'm smart, it's often said with a derisive tone. Am I making sense? Stop pushing your insecurities on me. I don't bloody care if you're smart or not, just as long as you don't step on my bloody fat toes.
If, I say if, I'm a friggin genius, it's none of your darn business too. You're unreasonably sensitive, my bloody fault is it? The stress is getting to you, not me, get a shrink.

Bear in mind, the above entry is just venting.

That bloody TAN CHEE B...Peng. Ok lah, I still can't bring myself to actually type out a vulgar word here. Too civilized hurhur. If he wasn't a male I'll think he has PMS. Unprofessional teacher. Never seen anyone got so red in the face in a matter of like what, seconds?
But nvm lah, I often get misunderstood. SIGH. I still think there's something wrong with him though. Must recommend him to drink cooling tea. Bloody CB.

Oh sometimes I do have people asking me if I have compassion or not. OF COURSE LAH. Probably more than you'll ever have in your entire lifetime. Even one of my closest friend asked if I actually loved anyone. OF COURSE LAH. More deeply than you'll ever know. People also ask if I ever get stressed. OF COURSE LAH. But um, less than most. Oh actually I do get stressed easily, what's worse I get headaches whenever I'm stressed. It gets painful enough I can't think properly. Some more there are so many decisions that I have to make, pw, this and that. It's like can't some one take the initiative for once? Instead of blaming people around them if things aren't done.

I get physical symptoms if people quarrel/disrupt my peace/getpressurized and all that, that's why I have to make myself calm down or I'll have migraines man. Oh, actually I've never told anyone that before. But I'm a bit tired of people asking me that question lah, I'll always just confirm their assumptions. "Yes yes I never get stressed."
or "Yes yes I'm cold-hearted." "Yes yes I suck." "Yes yes I'm happy-go-lucky." If I say otherwise they'll never believe me anyway, so what for waste my time right.

So yes, even my family members think I'm a bit cold/aloof/detached. I wanna get married soon!!
Ok here's an unexpected burst of, for once penning down personal stuff instead of those light-hearted writings I always seem to post. Cannot help it lah, I'm not comfortable with people reading too much into me.

I miss my old buddies man. I think they at least seem to understand that it's all just a bloody facade. And that sometimes I seethe with too much emotion I can only control by being cool. Eh sounds corny. What I mean is, either I suppress or I'll burst! Like a balloon!

Come let me tell you some little known facts about myself, I never tell because people will probably smirk and say "don't bluff lah." I cry easily! As in not because I'm sad, more because I'm touched. *embarrassed* like those nice beautiful songs, or sentiments, then I'll start to tear man!! Of course I'll get so "sheesh..." and laugh at death scenes instead. Death scenes are really funny though.

Another thing is, I often say things to get people go "Wah lao..." to take their mind of things, or sometimes even get them angry at me. No it's not that I'm being noble or something, I just don't like seeing people stressed, it gets me stressed too, then I'll have headaches and dizziness again. Aww shucks.

Why am I being so random today? I also don't know leh. I think I cannot take it anymore lah. Everyday go to school so exhausting. I rather stay at home and meditate. "Ommmmmm..." Everyday people will say things that gets my hackles up, but I think they can't tell I'm pissed. So the only way is to shoot back lor, let them think I'm joking.

Omg I think I'm getting PMS. THAT DAY, I got so stressed I almost teared. When was it? Um when I was smiling as usual and people were asking me questions. I'm a Cancerian for goodness sakes! Cancerians are emotional wrecks! I want to be a hermit crab!

But it's so ironic, that I give people the impression that I'm quite emotionless. It's mostly my fault lah. It's also their fault. I pity my future husband man, he's going to have to deal with a person with an emotional baggage the size of um...Antartica. It's really an art to be practised you know? Being detached, not everyone can do that. For starters, you must have to deal with enormous stress on a daily basis. After a while you'll start to get numb, either that or you'll go into a downward spiral of depression and stuck in a rut you can never hope to climb out of. Some people naturally have this skill, just like how some people are born old.

Ok another random thought, sometimes I really like to be silent. But then people will think something's wrong with me and start saying "HEIDI WHAT'S WRONG? TALK TO ME." Gah. Nothing's wrong. I don't feel like talking most of the times. But if I don't talk people will think I'm sad or something, which is not true but I'm too tired to explain, they'll still think something's troubling me -___-.

Eh I think I'm going to delete this post. Don't know why I'm typing all these after 17 years. Probably cuz I don't have enough sleep and I'm mentally exhausted enough to let down my guard.

Oh by the way, nothing's wrong with me if you think there is. THESE ARE really what I think about everyday, not cheerful happy stuff. Heidi isn't really as cheerful as you think she is. Quite the opposite actually. But I do have this tendency to slap myself and say "Snap out of it clodhead!" so alright I'm quite cheerful. And I have my Turtle! MUAH TURTLE MUAH. My turtle is so cute because I can like poke it here and there and it'll continue sleeping.

So yes, I think this is the closest you're ever going to get to me.
PMS PMS PMS.

Refuge.

My place of refuge is a grassy plain on top of a hill. The wind blows through the golden grass stalks and tease my hair to a joyful dance. The sun shines its benevolent warmth as I close my eyes and spread my arms out in a heartfelt tribute.
The clouds drift past lazily, and the sunbursts play peek-a-boo with me. All around it's a quiet solitude except for the soothing sound of the wind flowing and a gentle clanging of windchimes, from the cottage far across the field.
I am content, free...and at peace. For I am no one, just part of nature.
Happy at last.

I own that little piece of heaven inside my mind.

I am weary, and I a stranger
Lead me to the land of angels...

The Wonders of Papaya Milkshake.

I think one of the best ways to greet an insecure women/girl is to say this "Hey, long time no see, been drinking papaya milk huh?"

That female you've just greeted will probably go into giggles and mock-punch you in the shoulder, saying "Hey! So cheeky...You really think so??" Agree and the rest of your interaction with this female will go so smoothly you'll never guess you're talking to a female. Guys do take note ok. Don't complain that girls always ask you if they look pretty or fat. Before she even opens her mouth, just greet her like this. Try it and tell me the results. But don't tell me anything if you got slapped.

Of course, this line isn't to be used on everyone at any time. Lets say a guy. If you use it on him, and if he happens to be umm more substantial or muscular enough to look like he's been drinking papaya milk, you'll probably get a fist in your face and a knee to your groin.

Or maybe you use it on a cute colleague at the office, except this girl happens to be taken and oh-so-devoted to her boyfriend. You'll be sued for sexual harrassment and you can forget about ever stepping foot in that office again. Unless you want a "NO PERVERTS" signboard stuffed up your nose.

Lets say you used it on your female boss. Haha. Get another job. Now.

Maybe you used it with a group of feminists. They'll probably go on a street march protesting about "Male Chauvinist Pigs"

Perhaps the safest way is to praise a girl in your blog. Dedicating the entire entry to her. Rather a novel idea isn't it? Just be careful you don't get hate mail or spam or hackers and other blogs created just so to mock yours. You might even get published on the newspaper, much akin to those notorious bloggers who got on the news because they a)post revealing pics b)critisize the government c)are just plain smart bimbotic ah lians. You'll get targeted just because the public cannot accept such blatant posts with sexual connotations.

Whoever the girls, I really do hope it's a girl, that you greet with the papaya line...Take care to use it appropriately and sparingly. You know, females are very effective grapevines. Whatever you said to her less than a minute ago will be bragged to another girl in the toilet. Then the girl will enviously repeat it to another girl. Both will then gossip about it. Pretty soon one female will walk in to the toilet, and the conversation, then exclaim..."Hey that jerk said the same thing to me just yesterday!!!"
They'll probably write your name on the mirror with a lipstick...So-and-So is a big friggin' jerk.

Use it wisely and you'll have luck with womenkind! For once! If you're a guy.

All I've said above doesn't apply if you're a girl. Just...don't use the line if you have a punkish short hairstyle and you always wear pants, never skirts, to work. Society jumps to conclusions easily.

For those who totally do not get what papaya milkshake is, much less what the whole entry's been talking about, for clarification, use that line on your friend.

~Damn right, it's better than yours~

It Sucks to Be You!

Well, if you've been observant enough, you'll notice I don't really use the word "suck" in my entries, in fact I think this may be the very first time. Since I'm using this word now, I might as well use it all the way.
Come on everybody, lets sing along to any tune you want!

It sucks to be you,
it sucks to be me,
it sucks to be everybody!
Then you'll realize,
"Hey actually the whole world sucks!"
How great it is,
cuz that's why keeping you from falling down.
Gravity I mean.

Chorus
It sucks to be you,
it sucks to be me,
it sucks to be everybody!

Well actually, "It sucks to be you" is my motto for...um...however long it'll take me to get bored of it.
So yeah, it sucks to be you.

~Somedays you're the Sucker, somedays you're just the one being sucked. What's the big difference anyways.~

Cutting Edge

Readers, the reason for my recent inactivity is...aiya, the usual I'm so darn lazy to post. Also because I was hooked up on Caesar III (PC game). The more studious among you will probably ask, "What's a JC student like you doing PLAYING COMPUTER GAMES FOR DAYS ON END???" The turth is I'm not really that nervous about JC life. I don't feel the pressure yet. "Huh, fail? Fail, fail lor."

This nonchalence might probably make many of you wonder if I'm really a true-blue "kiasi, kiasu, kialang"
Singaporean or not, to be so "I-don't-care-about-my-f-grades." Well, when it doesn't come to food, that's about my general attitude on life...the lack of one.

So today, I'm not going to to talk about myself, neither does my title "Cutting Edge" has anything to do with cutting-edge technology, or any of those yawn-I'm-so-bored techno stuff. What I'm going to expound on is the film by Royston Tan that I've just watched, "Cut". The more fortunate Singaporeans may have caught this hilarious, albeit controversial, short film (about 12min plus).

What's Cut about? For a start, it's about something very dear to the hearts of Singaporeans, none other than the...Censorship Board! Here's a brief sypnosis of it,

"...Cut is an uproarious critique of Singapore's repressive censorship system. It starts with a (fictional) woman from the censorship board being spotted in a supermarket by a stranger, who then reels off all the cuts that have been made to recent releases

Topping the list is Tan's own feature, 15, an unvarnished teen drama, which required an impressive 27 cuts. Just when things between the censor and the stranger come to a head, the film explodes into a song-and-dance pop-pastiche medley in praise of the country's moral custodians (sung to the tune of Abba's Thank You For the Music: "Thank you to the censors/ The scenes you're chopping/ Thanks for all the crime you're stopping!") "

I found the film wonderously satirical and much food for thought, unfortunately...

"Singapore's arts minister didn't find the bunny so funny, however, and accused Cut of being part of "unbecoming attempts to undermine the standing of a public institution"."

As a result, Singaporeans don't get to see the film that will undermind the standing of a public institution.

"The film was not intended to mock the censors but to bridge an understanding," he says. "At least as a result of Cut and 15 there's been some discussion. I think if this happened in the 80s I would be in jail. In the 70s I'd have been executed!"

"I made all my actors look really silly, so in return I promised them that whenever I promote the film I'll wear the rabbit outfit." Is there some symbolic significance to it? "Not really, but they say if you kill one rabbit, they'll breed a thousand more."

Anyways, R.T got the last laugh as he was recently named one of TIME magazine's Asian hero. Bravo!
And here they are, the Singapore Government, lamenting the fact that we have a lack of creative talents and that Singaporean youth nowadays can't think "out-of-the-box". Why, they've so carelessly missed out on this gem of a Singaporean talent...Mr Royston Tan.

I've always thought it a paradox that the Government would want us to be more innovative people and yet at the same time restrict our freedom is so many ways. Just look at film censorship for one. Scenes thought to be unsuitable will be ruthlessly cut out, even if they are central to the story's plotline.
Pay 8 bucks to watch a film that isn't even in full? I'd rather buy pirated versions. There you have it, one big reason why Singaporeans buy pirated stuff.
It's not as if we're going to go on a "Omg I'm going to turn lesbian" rampage after watching Shu Qi and Zhao Wei kiss in the film, So Close.

Well of course, some sex scenes are not very essential for general knowledge either. But I do resent this intrusion into what is supposedly a "freedom" of choice as stated somewhere in the constituition of Singapore. Maybe we do live under a (enlightened) despotic rule. A despot isn't necessarily a bad figure, it just means someone with absolute power over a country. An enlightened despot is someone who rules wisely with absolute power.

A few days after the London bombings, there was a pol in the Straits Timesl on religion and mutual tolerance of other religions in Singapore. Without even reading the results I know it has to be a positive one. It's all for good I know. But somehow, that makes me ponder about the role of the media. Is it there to tell the truth, or to persuade the public? SPH is under Temesek Holdings. Temasek Holdings is under...who? (I'm not trying to insinuate anything here in case the Govt is reading this).

I do understand the Board of Censorship's reasons behind attempts to cut some not very tasteful scenes in movies. But I think our society is mature enough to be responsible movie-goers. Those films that "we don't like, don't watch lah"(one of the lines in Cut). Those films that are not suitable for our age, do have ratings like M18, and R21. (it's quite ridiculous that even R(a) films get cut, don't you think?)

I see so many PG rated films nowadays I wonder if there's even any G films. For example Finding Nemo is PG. Ice Age is PG. Frankly, is there anything remotely dangerous to a young mind seeing a fish talk? Perhaps kids might suffer from delusions and refuse to eat fish forever more, in case they might be eating "Dory". One day, Sesame Street might earn a PG rating because of a Big Bird that's walking around. They might even say that has sexual connotations. When it comes to that day, I'll be seriously considering my half-hearted decision to migrate.

~From a disillusioned Singaporean, who still loves Singapore...and its food.~

First Installment of Myself

In present time, in a land as far away from you as you can imagine - but still on earth - there is me.
Who am I? Now that's what you're going to find out. Not who I am exactly, but who we are. Who we are all.
But that's another entry for another day.

Basic identity, I am a human, as are you, unless you're from Mars. But since there is 5 billion and some more humans on planet Earth, so I have to be more than just human.

There is after all, only one of everybody in the entire universe, isn't there?
I am a girl, some of you aren't, unless you went to Thailand. I have teeth and eyes and nose and...you get the idea. You have teeth too! Provided you don't eat too many sweets or knock into a wall every so often now and then. Eyes if you haven't poke yours out. Nose if you're not Michael Jackson.
"Yeah, yeah, tell me something I don't know!" I can hear you say. You know what? I don't know what you don't know about me if you're reading this. Perhaps the fact that I love myself? Or maybe you want to know I bathe twice a day? What about how I talk to myself all the time, in my head? But I think you should know that by now because you're reading me!

I am alive, how wonderful and miraculous a fact that is. In fact, if you're reading this, you're alive too! (Lets discount ghosts)

So today's point of today's post is...I am here! To waste your time.

~More installments of Heidi would be coming right up! In about uh...2 months.~

Oh hi!!!! Ima Back!!

Ok so I didn't post for quite a long while, are people still reading this blog? Heh sorry and thanks for your continuous support.

In NYJC I frequently hang out with 2 girls, their names are Buk Kut Teh and Chao Ah Lian(CAL for short). Due to my learned ability of being able to bark like all sorts of dogs(chihuahua, german shepherd, horny dogs, you name it, I woof it) many have asked me if my past life was a dog.
To which I replied, "I don't know leh, sometimes I act like a bitch."

So we have The Bitch, Buk Kut Teh(BKT for short) and CAL, what a trio of girls. BKT and CAL are unfortunately, the exact opposites of me. Why? Because they are quite umm...anxious creatures.

A typical day will have this scenario.
CAL: I'm not going to pass my promos, WHAT IF I CAN'T GO UNIVERSITY?? HOW HOW!!
BKT: You shouldn't have come to JC.
The Bitch: Relax lah.
CAL: I don't get literature and I failed my GP!!
BKT: Me too me too!
The Bitch: Relax lah. Just work on them.
CAL: *refering to The Bitch* Some more going with you makes me feel depressed!! Don't talk to me!!
BKT: Tsk tsk yah lor! Never study still pass!!!!
The Bitch: Um. That's because I'm a friggin' genius.

Ok the scenario was embellished a little, but that's the gist of it. You can find BKT and CAL always getting worked up over JC life and school work. For example, we're in the toilet and going to leave when CAL suddenly threw herself at the door to block our exit.
CAL: Tell me truthfully...Am I fat??
Everybody: Not again...

After several assurance of "You're not fat lah." from the girls and "You're not fat, you're just obese." from me, we finally manage to pry CAL off the door and exit the toilet.

BKT is in my project work group. Someone she dislikes is also in my pw group. On a good day, BKT will only roll her eyes at that someone. On a bad day, she'll be retorting at that someone and I'll be playing the peacemaker by changing the subject everytime the someone makes an inappropriate remark, before BKT and someone engages in an all-out, no holds barred, talking war that girls are so good at.

Strangely, the more anxious and worked up BKT and CAL are, the more relaxed I'll be, probably to purposely piss them off lol. Well, there's another 1 and a half years ahead of us as well as the A levels. I'll betcha during the A levels I'll have to calm them down everyday. Probably with a tranquilizer. Tune in to more adventures with the BCB group!(Buk, CAL and Bitch)

Random update on me: I'm trying to grow my nails instead of happily chewing on them whenever they have a chance to grow a little. It got to the point that whenever I try to chew on them, I could hear my nails screaming out "NO! No! NO!!!! AHH!!!" Right now my nails are, quite darn long. If you overlook the fact that some of them look rather chewed off and uneven. I'm so proud of myself. Aw shucks, I was chewing my nails as I typed this.

~Heidi will try her best not to be a lazy ass and bloody post more posts~

If you Snore...Get Help.

It's 4.17 in the morning and I still can't sleep!! Not that I have insomia or something. My grandma and aunt's staying over today so I had to move out of my room.

First I went to sleep in my parents' room, doesn't work because my father's snore drown out even the cadence of my breathing.

Then I went to the study room where my brother and aunt were, to try and sleep.
Turns out both of them snores.
I was like looking at the ceiling and going "ARGH!!"

After that I tried sleeping in the living room but doesn't work too because the sofa was too short and I just wasn't used to it.

That is why I'm here typing now instead of in bed, miss my bed. Miss my bed. Missssss my bed.Sigh. Z_Z
I have a run in a few hours' time, I think I'll be crawling instead of jogging.

Some spouses actually go partially deaf in one ear due to their partner's snoring. Some snores can reach up to 90 decibels. If you snore, be considerate enough to get help, unless your partner can get used to it. It's unhealthy to snore. I don't snore. I'm conking out from lack of sleep because some people do. Don't snore. ZZZZ. This is getting nonsensical. I'm getting nonsensical.

Oh dear, what a ridiculous rant.

~awopeirjlkdfmal ker oops feel asleep on the keyboard.~

Idol Fever at Birthday Bash

Once in a while I'll disappear for a few days without any trace and without an entry to explain my vanishing act. Actually it's because my lover went to kidnap me to his island villa so that he could have me all to himself for a few days during which, we drown in idyllic days of nothing but pure sensual pleasure.
I wish.

Ok I'm just too darn lazy to type lah.

Just to clear up confusions, I would really love to post pictures of my oh-so-cute self here if only I had a digi-cam. I could spend hours just making faces at my handphone, heck I even take videos of myself with my friend's handphone. But too bad, no digi-cam, and I don't want to waste 60cents that I could spend on food just to post my pictures here.

Today, I went to Straits Times' 160th birthday bash. And what a bash it was, because it didn't feel at all like a birthday party. For the better part of an hour, the emcee was singing to us a la Marilyn Monroe style(you know those kind of goosebump-inducing husky SEXy drawl))

"Haaappy bir~~thday to you~~ Haapppy birth~~day to youuuu, Haaapy Birthday Meeesta Preh~sieedent." My gawd, Mr Nathan wasn't even there yet and no offense but the emcee was a guy. He isn't Marilyn. He doesn't induce those "OOhh~ Do that again~" feelings. So people didn't really sing along.

There was Sly, Taufik, Beverly Morata, JazzKids, Mr Fernado, the emcee(I forgot his name eheh), and...TANYA CHUA! When the idolists came out of course there was a lot of screaming and I-Love-Yous. I was so amused I did a mock scream "Ahhh! Taufik! Ahh! Sly!"

Sly is quite small-sized, in fact I wouldn't notice him if he wasn't wearing pink shirt and white pants tucked into uh...boots. Dominatrix-type of boots. -_-"
If you noticed, during the NKF charity show tonight, he was wearing the same outfit, except with a jacket on. Eh. I prefer him punkish with black leather and all. This style is just too weird. It's so wrong. He sang the same songs too "Shuo yi" and I forgot what's the other one. Let me be deserving of a bitch-slap by his fans by saying this, I'm glad I didn't buy his album. I don't know whether he has any idea if he wants to sing a ballad rocker-style or serenade style, so it came out a cross between those two. So wrong.

Taufik, like a cliche, sang "Me and Mrs Jones". Sigh. He was rather mesmerizing at times, if you had enough imagination to imagine yourself as Mrs Jones and Taufik as um Tay Ping Hui(lol), AND if you're a chick. It's just too overdone, at almost all his performances he sang this song. I know the female judge in Singapore Idol liked it but really, overkill is overkill.

If you do not have enough imagination, you just wish he'll show more 'tude or character and sing something rousing. It's a birthday bash for goodness sakes. Straits Times!! Maybe you needn't sing, you could act in a skit! Do a bit of dance moves, entertain us. We're sitting beneath the sweltering sun(which happened to be shining directly in my face) and the grass is itching our butts off. We came here to be ENTERTAINED! I'm sorry, but sitting on something that looks like a perch for birds just doesn't do it for me.

But like any teenage girl, my heart did flutter a bit when they pointed their fingers at us while singing, it feels like they're noticing you out of thousands of people. We all know that's just bullsh**ing ourselves, but it just works. Point more! In my direction!

What I was really excited about, nope not about JazzKids either. They were too shrilly for me. Kids, please, tone down the volume, you're singing, no screaming into a mic. We don't have hearing problems thank you very much. Lack of co-ordination, individual voices that stood out, and would have sounded better alone, weird dance moves. But rather interesting actually. Seeing kids perform is always entertaining. There's this hope that they'll mess up and give us the time of our miserable lives. Come to think about it, I spent most of my time hoping the cameramen would fall into the pool surrounding the stage, while they were photographing the performers. So fun.

Beverly did pretty ok, her songs were rather R&B. The Singaporeans there are made up of auntys and uncles, I don't think they can appreciate R&B. The family sitting beside me had members going "Ah??" everytime the singers (Mr Fernado, emcee, Bev) introduced the songs they were going to sing. She was also trying to build up a rapport with the audience by taking off her sandals and singing bare-footed. "Uh how does that build a rapport with the audience?" You ask. Well, I don't know, perhaps it's because that way she appears more down-to-earth? She's already down to earth enough though, with that gypsy flare skirt that didn't quite cut it off as bohemian.

Ok digression aside, I truly screamed when Tanya Chua came on board. She has more showmanship than SlyFik put together. The songs where she performed with the live band were the best, it got me grooving. This is what a birthday bash should be about. There are times for ballads and romantic songs, and there are times for rocking songs. This is a rockin' time. What got on my nerves was the people suddenly vacating the area after Sly and Taufik went.

Gah. Unappreciative Singaporeans. Tanya is regionally acclaimed man. She is a talented songwriter-cum-singer with an edge man. She's the man man. Her perfomance was the most fun!
If only I had a digi-cam, I would have taken pictures of myself with different expressions lol. Ok I hope SlyFik fans don't come after me with a chopper now.

One of the more annoying parts were when the kids beside me keep poking their clappers...at me. *poke poke* I turned around to see what was poking at me and those kids were staring at me. They even went to poke my halter-neck bra ribbons. Leave my bra alone! AND DON'T PULL IT, I NEED SUPPORT!! I couldn't help it though, I was smiling everytime they giggled while disturbing me. Figured maybe I was interesting-looking enough to warrant that attention. Their elder sister(still younger than me) kept staring at me too. But too bad, I didn't like being stared at, I had the urge to say "EH DON'T BE SO KAYPOH CAN OR NOT."

My brother, another irritating one couldn't sit still and kept flinging the clappers about. I was tempted to take the clappers and start clapping his head with them. I yielded to that temptation. A pity the clappers were made of plastic, not stone.

All in all, it was rather ok. I think the highlight of Mr Nathan's birthday was when Tanya sang Happy birthday to him. Unlike the emcee, Tanya pulled it off. Although I don't know, it's was kinda sexy, but kinda trying a little too hard. Maybe it's because Mrs Nathan was there by his side? I think Mr Nathan's nice. I kept waving at him, but I think he only saw one crazy girl frantically waving a clapper in everyone's face, most probably he didn't even notice me at all. *disappointed expression*

Oho. Long entry. There's still more to post. Nevermind, another entry then.

~I should have joined Singapore Idol. I would be THE IDOL. Joke.~

Long Time No Blog

Well, not really actually. I've always been blogging except that it's at the campusmoblog place. However, my first love in blogging would always be winterthoughts. Why? Because it supports me, makes me feel warm and comfortable and prevents me from sagging. Opps sorry, wrong advert.

I think this blog is a little like me non? It's messy, like me, sometimes work sometimes doesn't, like me, a little bit blue and quite obscene, like me, wintery, like me, kind of grows on you...LIKE ME. Of course I'm so much more than just a blog, but if you want a taste of what life's like being me this blog gives you a peek.

Unless disaster strikes, internet vanishes, blogger closes down, I'll never give up on Winterthoughts. So for those of you who worry about my lack of updates, don't.

By the way, please support nyjc's blog at campusmoblog, help me win $200 and a 3G phone. I have alot of things to type, including being matchmaked and finally having a glimpse(more than that actually) of the delivery boy. But not day, exams ya see. I'm already going to fail my history and chinese, which means I can only fail one more subject, I think should be maths.

I'm trying to keep myself from biting my nails, I'm not succeeding. I think I may have to tape my mouth up from eating and chewing nails. I don't have a big mouth, but I wonder why I always seem to eat like my mouth is 2 sausages long.

~Heidi will be back!~

Money makes the world go stale.

I've always wonderd what it would be like to play in the playground of the rich. Not just any rich, but the yatches and penthouses(with the plural 'S') rich.

With the kind of of family I live in, it puts me in a position to step foot in the playground. My brother gets an all expenses-paid tripo to China, living like a mini-prince, and I get to experience first-hand what 'impulse buying' really means. It means buying items worth hundreds of dollars without batting an eyelid. It means buying a playstation 2 just to play for a duration of 3 weeks, to occupy time while in Singapore, when there's another already waiting at home.

It means taking a cab just to travel the distance from Takashimaya to Heeen, then a cab again to Plaza Singapura, then another cab to Funan, then another cab home. And next week, a chauffer would be specially sent in at your beck and call. But it also means I have to play baby-sitter/bodyguard to an heir of not millions, not tens of millions, but hundreds of millions, I think almost a billion. That heir is older than me by the way.

But most of all, I get to know what it is like to be sort-of lonely. Sort-of lonely being? The type of constant ache, the ennui you have because of distance. Distance from people, distance from the ordianry aspects of life, like mundane worries of not having the moolah to buy what you want, like not reaching home on time or getting scolded by parents. There's not even a chance to form friendships, you get distanced from the hardships of life. The end result being an unconscious aloofness and when it comes down to it, you're really not that much more fortunate than the unfortunate after all.

What the hell am I saying. BUY ME A BLOODY PLAYSTATION 2 PLEASE!!! SPARE A FEW MILLIONS FOR ME WILL YE??

~Eh. Gold-digger.~

Sales Bankrupt People

Since Singapore is having THE GREAT SINGAPORE SALE. I see hoards of people conjugating at malls. Singapore has too many malls, yet the greatest past-time, the place to hang out, is still shopping at Malls. What does this tell you about Singaporeans?
That we are a bunch of materialistic people who need retail therapy.

Put any depressed person(ok lets just limit the generalisation to women) in a mall and in an hour's time she will have used up her coffin money. Why go to a shrink, just go to any nearby shopping mall now(even NTUC), while stocks last!

Even though I know that sales are nothing but big hoaxes to con me of my lunch money, in my typical kiasu Singaporean mind, SALES SAVE MONEY. MUST BUY NOW BECAUSE IT'S CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP, IF NOT HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL NEXT YEAR. Normally I'm quite a practical person, I dislike shopping, but once I have it in my head something can be had at a bargain price, I'm a goner.

With Straits Times "URBAN" issue promoting different brands of bags, shoes, wallets, shirts, whatever-stuff-that-can-be-bought-at-a-price, I've decided to meditate and hopefully eradicate the clamouring in my brain that goes "SHOP DARN IT!!".
Thus I've come up with this poem to chide my immature materialism. Actually, not, it's just to poke fun at all those TAI-TAIs and WANNABEs who buy die-die must buy branded stuff.

Throw apples at me, or durians, but it's true...YOU, as long as you are a SINGAPOREAN and a WOMAN, will find that this poem strikes a chord in you.

http://http://content.neimanmarcus.com/products/mn/NMX5209_mn.jpg
Manolo Blahnik Beaded Sandal
Price: US$685.00

Brand Dead

These days I get bombarded by people,or more like their names.
Burkin, Brada, Guchi, Herpes,
some of the few I've never even heard about.
There's also some Berry with checkered stuff,
and a weird brand call Fandi or something.
Friends and family by my side,
spend hours talking about nothing but Ver-sa-chey.

I once wore a shirt with an alphabet on it.
Aunt Felicia of Bukit Timah came up to me and ask
"Which designer is this? Is it Sue...
or is he or she new?"
What, what, what was all I could think of
and all I could say,
"Your top," she rolled her eyes,
"who designed your top?"
Feeling like a tomatoe with burning cheeks,
I blurted out the truth of it all.
"B..but Aunty, it's only a shirt with an 's',
as in 'Superman' from outerspace!"
And that was the last I ever saw
of her LV emblazoned bum...at least for that day.

Once, my mom came back from a shopping trip,
humming with excitement,
she twirled around the living room
with a pair of beaded sandals in her hand.
"Guess how much I bought this for?" she twittered.
"Um..50 dollars?"
That earned me a leveled glare.
"This is a Manolo Blahnik, 50 can't even buy a bead!
It costs..." She looked around,
probably hoping to avoid my father hearing,
and whispered the amount into my uninterested ear.
While I was jerking with convulsions at the horrifying price,
Mom chirped with a satisfied grin, "What a bargain!"
This coming from the woman who once told me
to eat more veggies as "they cost less."
Who are you and what have you done with my mom!

What can I say about this materialism,
what can I do to protest the buying of a Chanel vest!
The only brand I know and love...
without a doubt it's Macdonalds.
Yet my own mom continues to pester poor ol' dad,
for a Cartier wedding band
even though they've been married for twenty years
(mom never lets up).
I myself have better taste,
nothing but Tiffany from the future groom!

The End

It's Birkin, Prada, Hermes, Gucci and Fendi, Burberry, Versace and Louis Vuitton, if you're wondering. There are many more brands out there designed to drain your finances, but these were all I could think of in my little world of plain tees and jeans. This poem may not be up to my usual standard, but I like it still. Nyah!

Labels are for jars.

The Goddess Is Back!!

I'm back! The beautiful me is back! Some of you may have reached for a bucket to hurl in, while others may ask, "Back from what?" Well, I'm back from my 3 days 2 nights chalet!

There are so many things to write about that I shall not write about them. There are some events that do stick out though. For both nights I stayed over, I woke up early in the morning to go to the bathroom and hack out some mucus. I called it my "morning sickness". And that got everyone wondering if I was pregnant. I think some even had suspicions, which brings us over to the next event.

We played Truth-Or-Dare, and of course no one was willing to do the dares. I've never played a truth-or-dare game where people actually do the dares. Then again, I've never really played a truth-or-dare game. One of the stupidest question that I was asked was, "When did you last have your period."
Everyone went "Wah piang!! What kind of question is that!!!" But still, they wanted me to answer it. To which I vehemently oppposed since I couldn't recall exactly when. I had the urge to say, "Oh...HMM...I think it was 6 months ago."

One of the event that got me sleepless, literally, was watching the sunrise. We walked out about 2km just to see a sun that never rose. All I saw was the dawning sky, which was pretty but I WANT THE FRIGGIN SUN. Right on that morning I had to return to school to sit through a meeting on what else, the Blogging Championships. I thank God/Buddha/Allah that I am still alive, body intact and typing here today because I dozed off many times while walking. It was like one second I am awake and the next nano-second I nodded off.

One scenario:
Traffic light junction, waiting for the green walking man to shine...
Me: Don't think it will shine so soo..ZZzzz....
and the next moment:
Me: *sees everyone who was actually standing on her side, now already crossed over to the other side* Oh Darn it, now I must wait for another green m...ZZZZzzz

Ok, today's entry is quite borning, because I am not in the mood to write. I think I'll just end of the entry with MUAH I LOVE YOU to myself.

~MUAH I LOVE YOU TO MYSELF.~

One important lesson I forgot to name

I have a heart-shaped face.
While trying on some glasses today, I asked Wendy what suits me best, and she said I have a heart-shaped face so cannot...I didn't listen to the rest because I was just so deliriously happy. After years of thinking that I have a round face, someone says I have a heart-shaped face!! Yah of couse after that she said "Your face quite round also lah."

But nevermind, I shall just block that out and tell myself "I HAVE A HEART-SHAPED FACE YOOHOO!"

Lessons learnt while out tagging along

1. Girls should wear bras to support their assets(just not too tight though).
In a car while Wendy is driving...
Heidi asks "Should we wear bra? Will sag is it?"
Wendy says "Yah you see those ang moh, very saggy."
Heidi "Har! How to see..."
Wendy "Just see lah!"
Heidi "The radio said wear bras can cause cancer, sports bras."
Wendy "yah, cuz no circulation." *drives past a caucasian lady* "See! See! Sag!"
Heidi "Eh...ok."

2. It's pee-lah-teys.
In a car while Wendy is driving...
Heidi shakes arms "See firm!"
Heidi shakes Wendy's arms "Must do pilates(pee-lates)"
Wendy "It's pee-lah-tey-s!"
Heidi "Oh peelaahteys."

3. He's gay
In a car while Wendy is driving...
Wendy "I've got a friend in salsa class call Pour-shee. His name is spelt as p-o-r-s-h-e. As in Porche but with a she."
Heidi "He's gay."
Wendy "No lah...although he dresses quite gayly..."
Heidi "He's gay. Guys don't call themselves PORCHEE."
Wendy "No leh..."
Heidi "Does he have a girlfriend?"
Wendy "I don't think so."
Heidi "He's gay."

So much more but I've forgotten about them. Today I finally went to cut my hair, after kissing my silky almost chest-length tresses goodbye. 10minutes into the hair-cut I had to resist laughing. Oh the guy accidently swiped my ear and my Swastika ear stud dropped on the floor. Due to my keen eyesight, I was able to spot it before the guy stepped on it with his no-brand shoes.

When I reached home, I stared into the mirror in my room, brushing my hair. Then I burst out laughing. Up to now I'm still laughing. Yes, as you can guess, I'm getting hysterical over my new hair cut. I look like a hag with a cartoon fringe. Oh well nevermind, as Wendy says "You should experiment with all the hairstyles when you're young." and I can tie it up anyways.

My gawd. I think I'm going to go kill myself.

~Bad hair months ahead.~

You Yuan Mei Fen

Ok literal translation of the title above is "Got fate but no shit."
Eh, no. "Got destiny but no fate." or "Got fate but no destiny."
Sounds so Singlish in English. How I wish I am more proficient in Chinese than in English. Most of the times the chinese idioms I spew out had people laughing in stitches. "Pi tou san fa" becomes "Tou pi san fa"
which means, untidy hair flowing about becomes, dandruff flowing about.
Argh forget it.

BACK TO THE TOPIC.
Yesterday when I came back from training, I was skipping along the corridor at the thought of being able to eat once I get home(oh btw, I lost 3 kg MUAHAH)
Then I heard footsteps shuffling about, my first thought was "OOH maybe it's that boy!!!"
So I walk slowly, inching forward with my ears and eyes stretched out.
Then I saw him.
It was an old man with a freckled face.

CHEY. I really have no fate with the delivery boy man. See I even "hu si luan xiang(anyhow think and daydream)" about him, enough to imagine a 60 year-old man as him.

That time I stood at my gateway waiting for this guy, with the pretense that I was returning the metal tins, the scenario in my head went like that.
Heidi: *stands outside gateway with metal tins in hand*
waits for 30min...
Footsteps sounded...
Heidi: *bends down to put metal tins on the floor, slowly stand up pretending to walk back into the house*
Delivery Boy: *steps into view* Eh Hi!
Heidi: *turns away from the house to look at the guy, hair flowing* OHH oh I mean, hi, what a coincidence!!! *looks at the boy's face, thinks to herself* "OMG SHUAI GE!!"
Delivery Boy: Um...I'm here to give you your food.
Heidi: *giggles* Oh thanks thanks *hand stretched out to take metal tins, then touch the boy's hands*
Electricity tingles in the air "zzzz...zzzz"
Delivery Boy: You are so...beautiful.<--Line from star wars.

OK OK. Wo zai zuo bai ri meng.(I'm daydreaming)
And it didn't happen that way anyways. What happened was I stood there for 30 secs and felt so bored I had to go to the kitchen to dig out some grubs.
By the time I finished eating, he still wasn't here yet so I went to watch tv. Was so engrossed that I didn't hear him and "poof!" he was gone...AGAIN for the friggin don't-know-how-many-times-I-went-to-spy.

~Heidi desperately needs a life.~

It was announced yesterday that Nanyang JC is going to be known as Cheung Cheng JC next semester. The thought of "WTF" ran through everybody's...ok my mind.

I'M NOT GOING TO BE KNOWN AS A CCJCian DAMN IT.
Cheung Cheng the Chin Cheong Jc. CHEENA CHEENA!!!!
Community Centre JC
Chinese Chinks JC
Chicken Cow JC

And so much more, then what do we call ourselves huh huh huh, I'm from CCJ???
Die die Jc. I'm like telling myself to go to hell everytime I say I'm from CCJC.

Ok enough of ranting, I shall take it like a man. I shall sign a petition against this bloody change of name.

~Heidi feels like eating Chin Cao~

Click this

http://www.campusmoblog.com.sg/blog/nyjc

if you like reading me, read this too. Because it's me.

I'm a desperado, underneath your window

Recently, I have this food catering services that sends food to my house in metal tins. Every monday to friday, exclusive of public holidays and disasters, dinner will come nicely packed and safely delivered...by a boy. A good-looking young boy who's about the same age as me.

Well actually I haven't seen his face yet, except that my mom said he's rather good-looking. That fired up all my hormones. "HIAK HIAK HIAK"

BUT there's always something that prevents me from seeing him face-to-face. Ok more like get him to notice me. There's always school events, tournaments, this and that, blah and blah. So today, I decided to plant my butt at the living room where I'm in full view when he comes delivering the food. After waiting fo a few hours, I decided to get some chocolate from the fridge. And I did. And you know what?? The boy chose this moment to deliver the food to my house. When I heard the "clang" of metal containers, I rushed out of the kitchen, chocolate-stained fingers and all and damn it! All I saw was his back view!!(and quite a funky-looking backview too!)

Am I unlucky or what. Speaking of being unlucky, today, I had a bird shit on me again. Yesterday, I also had a bird shit on me. I passed by exactly the same tree for this 2 events to happen. But yesterday's shit smelt like spit and today's shit looks like a fruit. Jaslyn(who was like walking not more than 10cm away from me and not affected at all) said, "Heidi, I don't think you're lucky anymore."
No, lucky would be getting the playstations I've been begging for. Lucky would be striking the lottery after getting "hit" twice in a row at the same place.
They say lightning never strikes twice on the same spot, why is it not the same for bird poop?
One of the mysteries of life I think.

I want to get married, I want to have post-marital...babies.

Another blog??

I've entered this Inter-School Blogging competition at www.campusmoblog.com.sg
Search for NYJC's oil lamp blog (yeah, based on the light bulb joke)

IF I WIN I GET $200 and a 3G PHONE!!
And NYJC gets $5000.
.....
I'd much rather get $5000. Anyways, I'd be posting entries from this blog to the other blog.

The other day on the bus, I was standing(because no one wanted to offer his/her seat to my butt) and holding on to the watchacallthat. Zoe Tay's programme on pregnant women was on TV mobile. And what was it featuring? Breast-feeding.
I know Singapore is a modern society and all, but really, showing women breast-feeding, on TV, in a bus full of cheeko-peks is embarrassing to the extreme!! (Fortunately, that wasn't mine being featured)
Not to mention that quite a few of the old men were grinning and staring avidly at the screen. I had to turn away because I was, you know, embarrassed.
I bet the men went around ogling at women's ahem just to fantasize what it would be like for them instead of a baby.

See lah, I'm getting lewd. Ok, I'm always lewd.

~I'm just like you, and you're just like me! 'Cept that I'm smarter and prettier.~

Recently, a Bangladesh man fell to his death while painting some residential block. Because my block is also going through some major repainting, I live in perpetual fear that someone would also fall to his death while paiting my block. The news reported a woman hearing a very loud thump, and I've been given to hearing thumps whenever I walk around my block.

You can die, people die all the time, but please don't die in front of me.

Today, I had to stand in for a friend to play touch rugby. It was raining and we played in the rain. Sounds romantic? Well get that thought out your head. We played in a field. A field with grass. A field with grass and mud. Before we stepped into the field, I was telling the group, "you see those birds over there? They are eating earthworms, you better pray they finish eating the worms all we'll be grabbing more than just a rugby ball."

Bahah. I don't think that made them feel better.

I feel all wet and muddy now. I feel dirty. I felt like a fool standing there with a ball and getting pummelled by people. Ok actually all they did was tap me. But still, I suck at rugby. Balls spook me out. Give me a racquet and a cock anytime. Actually. I suck at badminton too. AHH just screw me. Eheh.

~My world's on fire and I can do nothing but watch it burn.~

GIVE THE GIRL SOME POOPING TIME

Today, Team NYJC played against Team Temasek in badminton. So do you think we lost or they won? Both. Think about it.

I was telling the coach I don't think I can play first singles because my stomach ached(ergo need toilet...NOW)
he said, "It's ok, we haven't submitted the names yet, there's still time."
Heidi thinks "Ok you said so!!"
and so she went to the toilet. Then minutes later girls were knocking on Heidi's door.
"Heidi! match starting soon!!"
"Shit." (I meant that as in like, you know, shit I'm dead meat, not shit I'm shitting, but same thing anyways.)

I was so annoyed over this invasion of my private pooping time I couldn't get to orientate myself for the match. And do you know who I played against?
A SEA games gold medallist.
.....
Why do I always get those experts that would trash me like I'm shit.
But anyways, I got in total 3 or 4 or 5 points, forgot. HAha. Hey, at least I'm not a defeatist.
Another achievement to boast about to whoever would listen; and that means you.

Oh today I got praised too. Praises are good, I'm a sucker for flattery.
"Heidi you are very calm during gameplay."
Hey thanks, I think so too, that's not the first time someone's telling me that.
Let me kiss myself as a show of self-love. MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH.

Ok, now that I've managed to stop myself from further acts of narcissm, it's time to say
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!

~Get a life Heidi!~

Anywhere but here.

On tuesday, badminton team NYJC played against badminton team Raffles JC. Who won? OF COURSE IT'S RJC. They have the five top seeds the team, the only way to lose would be that a sudden castrophone struck and left all of them without hands and legs. Even then, their reserves would still beat us flat.

Because they've sent out reserves to play in the previous few matches against other schools, I thought they would send their reserves to play with us too.
I played the first singles, and my opponent didn't look menacing. I thought maybe she's a reserve.
Until I heard her name.
The thought that ran through my mind was...
"I'm so friggin dead meat."
Why? Beacuse she's the under-18 female top seed in Singapore.
Of course she totally trashed me, 11-0, 11-1. BUT HEY I GOT 1 POINT!!
A few years down the road, when I see her playing in the Olympics, I can then tell whoever would want to listen to me that I played against her once and got 1 point. HAHA.

Today, we were supporting NYJC in the volleyball girls and boys finals. The guys in front of me were totally uncouths, going so far as to insult the cheerleader from the other JC and "shh-ing" the other school.
"TAF CLUB!!" *makes some stupid actions, attempting to imitate the cheerleader*
They make me so embarrassed to be in NYJC, when you compare our school spirit with JJ.
And they were years 2s!
Gah, apparently maturity doesn't come with age.

I've been pondering these few days, would I have been happier staying in MJ?
I think so.

Sometimes I feel so detached, as I watch my life play out.
I WANT TO GET MARRIED SOOOOOOOOON!!!!!

YAY. Fann and Chris admitted to their relationship. Finally.

~What is real, is just a dream~

In the mood for marriage

Watching two tele-movies today gave me motivation.
Chicken run makes me wanna stop eating chicken.
And Ekin Cheng's My Wife is 18 makes me wanna get married, preferbly to Ekin.

MY GAWD LET ME GET MARRIED TO A RICH YOUNG HANDSOME GUY.

Yes I believe that sums up my post for today.

~Wedding bells are ringing, ring ring ring, the bride's not Heidi though~

I must not have been praying hard enough...

I think my classmates had some sort of perverse delight in telling me which group I've been assigned too.
"I'm so sorry Heidi, but you're in that person's group."
"Hey, you're in *toot*'s group, can't do anything about it, sorry."
"HOW!! We're in *toot*'s group!!"

But it's ok, I would have taken the same pleasure telling people of their misfortune too. It's the universal thought the runs through people's mind when they've been saved from a great calamity.
"Dang, I'm sure glad I'm not the one going through this."

And you know what? From the beginning I had a feeling it would come to this.
I MUST NOT HAVE BEEN PRAYING HARD ENOUGH.

Anyways, I've taken the DISC personality profiling test and I'm a Reformer. I, D, S, in that order.
People with the same profile as me, are the likes of Ronald Reagan and Nelson Mandela...WHOA.

When dealing with a reformer, DON'T:
Eliminate social status
Threaten their security
Ignore their ideas or accomplishments
Tell them what to do

Woo-pee-dee-doo-dah!

~Heidi, the conqueror of nations, and the ruler of none~

Excuse me, I need to go scrub myself

I have a phobia of dirt and germs, and generally unclean things. (romance novles doesn't count, and no, I don't count either) So with this person who has to have contact with my everyday, or will day from lack of feel of my wondrous skin, I get the intense urge to just scrub my skin raw from a simple brush of hairy elbows to a slap of my bouncy butt.

YOU ARE TRIGERRING ALL MY OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE INSTINCTS!! It's a wonder I don't just take my ball-point pen and start stabbing it into your bag.(Violence is after all a crime.)
And perhaps one day I'll lose control over my mouth and start biting your arm, if I wasn't so afriad of bacteria, that is. I just hope you don't get me irritated enough to forget I have a heart and make it my goal to make you cry. Because I will make you cry, I've never failed with the people who deserved it, I never will.

I bought a new turtle! It costs $8 and it's call a Chinese Striped-neck turtle or Golden Thread turtle. The thing about it is that information on how to rear it is next to non-existent on the internet. "Feed it once a day" isn't very useful you know. It's SO CUTE.

Yes yes, I won't make this one die. By the way, it's call Toe.

~Sometimes I run and sometimes I hide, sometimes I'm scared of you, but all I really want is to knock you out(Thanks Britney Spears, or is it Federline now)~

AHH!! Faces outside the window!

My resident block is going through a major repainting, so there are men on trolley-lifts that go up and down windows everyday.
Today when I woke up from my sleep, I was astounded to see men outside my window. Hey, I live on the 13th floor, if I see a face outside my window, there's something seriously wrong. Either with my vision or that something can fly.

I know this is all in the name of aesthetics, they need to paint my block a stupid red hot pink. PINK. Can you imagine it? I live in a block that gives the impression its residents are bimbos.
This is getting creepy, just to tell you lusty voyeurs out there, I like to strip in my room...to change into new clothes! Just months ago there was the incident of the middle-aged lady from the nearby block who keeps staring into my small window while I changed. Now there are men hanging(literally) about my windows. Ergh. That's blatant invasion of privacy.

What if I brought a lover to my room and we were about to hit the sack??
(Ok that's strictly a what-if. I'm not in habit of bringing lovers home)

That would be like an A-grade porno movie...live and in flesh(pun pun).

I don't doubt these male painters have seen their share of "ahem".

Lucky them.

~Heidi's otherwise unknown identity...Stripperella!~

It is nice to finally be able to sit down with someone and chirp merrily on about anything and everything and know that you're being listened to. "Pwark pwark, pok pok pok, chip chip, pok-keh!"

I think I shall have to rein in my dislike of ego-istical people because I'm one myself lol. But really, I'm a lovable one. Oops, self-praise = no-praise. I'm not praising myself though, I'm stating facts. Oh my gawd. *slap slap*
Ok Heidi has to stop thinking the world about herself. (Actually, I think the universe about myself)

I would like one day, free of anything, homework, stress and this and that and that and this. So that I can sing and start doing stupid actions along to music. Lala la! *bounce bounce*

I always bring Tacky(my cute little green terrapin) to school whenever I'm bored. Some teachers already know about her presence, anyways I had this teacher who was playing with it and asking why did I bring it to school, "because I'm bored."
Doh! I was having her lessons at that time and I'm telling her I'm bored!!!
Sometimes I really put my foot in my mouth. In fact, it's a miracle if I even get it out.

~Lame-o, Hei-mo~

I feel like joing my school's Talentime, "The One"
to astound the whole school with my singing. Horrendous.
But I think it's so fun because I'll be doing something besides playing badminton all week long, hitting birds here and there, I need to bawl out my feelings!!!

Here's a poem I made with regards to singing.

To Sing or not to Sin.

I like to sing my lungs out,
though Mama say it's her ears I'm singing out.
But when I've been given a gift,
God wills me to use it,
so I sing.

Miracles happen when I bawl out my feelings,
the room shakes, glass breaks,
and everyone goes berserk.
Mama says it's a special talent I have,
to drive people crazy.

Once the neighbourhood priest came over for dinner,
he was droning about God's grace and all,
I wanted to show my appreciation with angelic harmonies.
Not long into the song, tears flowed down his face.
He raised a hand for me to stop,
with a gentle voice he said, "Child come over here."

"When you have a choice between singing or not to sin,
which will you choose?"
I mulled for a moment, "why not to sin of course!"
"Child, you must stop singing then.
It's a sin to kill," he said gravely.
"Oh."

And so ended my career in singing,
but I found out I have a thing for drumming.
Pots, pans, anything!
Mama says the only thing to rival my rhythms
would be the sound of the dentist drilling into her teeth.
Maybe with luck I'll get into a band someday,
we'll call ourselves the Sinners
and we'll bring the house down.

Literally.

THAT'S ALL FOLKIES!

I've been struck by the Bloody Mary. So all day long today, I was asking my friends if there was any "stain" on my skirt. Why am I telling you guys this? Because I don't like having periods. Period.

Um yah so what's the point of me not liking periods? In case you didn't notice, this is a B.L.O.G it's an online journal where I air my feelings and thoughts and so I'm airing them here now. I FEEL WET!!!!

HAHAHAH.

Cook, miss ya.

Sob Sob My turtle, Cookie died yesterday!!
Ok it's not that I have a pestilence at my place that makes my pets all die or something. But I've been expecting Cookie's demise for a while now, as some of you may remember, she was afflicted by blindness BECAUSE OF MY BROTHER'S HANDLING.
So she hasn't been eating and was weak since then.

Miss ya Cook.

~The death of a turtle is especially tragic, because they die with smiles on their faces~

I'll have to take back what I said about having no-life. Actually, I have a life. Too much of it. My day consists of stoning through lessons because a) I'm very tired b) I can't catch up with lessons or c) Both
Then I have to go for trainings and I always wish time would go faster so I can go home and catch my Fann Wong shows.
The other day I was so in a daze I squirted facial wash onto my toothbrush, thankfully I realize what I was doing before stuffing extofoliating cream into my mouth. I wasn't so lucky previously, I had hair cream in my mouth before the taste of it told me I was supposed to be brushing my teeth, not gelling them.
I miss being alone. I miss having Heidi-time. I miss being able to talk to myself without anyone replying back.
If I do that at home, my parents would drag me to the nearest priest to perform exorsion(however you spell it) rites on me.

Today was a dramaful day, we had a baby mynah fallen from its nest high up in the trees. It was squawking and squawking and no one could do anything about it, so Jaslyn and I volunteered to stay back to keep an eye on the bird while the rest look for help. So we said there for 10+ minutes feeling more and more disheartened because help didn't seem to be on the way and everyone was staring at us weirdly and the teachers didn't want to help us.
"WHAT CAN WE DO?? WHAT YOU EXPECT ME TO DO?? As long as the tree is there the bird will be alright."
Right.
Me and Jas went off after that, but it turns out almost our whole class came down to go on a bird-rescue operation. Too bad in the few minutes that me and Jas left, the bird was...GONE.

So yah, it's fate.

Actually I wanted to talk about people with egos too big to fit in through their doors, but I have no time no time(I'm chanting this phrase throughout the day)
my anime is starting, I have clothes to hang, hair to comb, turtle to feed, bag to pack and sleep to sleep.
So seeya until the weekend!

I hope.

~Heidi has no time, no time~

Sometimes, certain people make you feel like strangling them, if not strangling them then slapping their faces to and fro. And if you can't indulge in violence because it's illegal, you feel like asking them to "SHUT THE *BEEP* UP!!"
Well yes, just to let you know, I empathize with you. Because I have a joker mouth, keeping a smile on my face is easy as being espressionless when I have to deal with such situations (which unfortunately for me, happens very often)
Today I had to go far far away just not to go into a maniacal rage and start verbally and physically inflicting harm on a person.
Fortunately, I am not a violent homo sapien. I am a civilized, sophisticated and educated urbanite. I do not stoop to my base instincts and start hacking the person to death with my mental knife. I am cool. Calm. Collected.
And the next time that person opens the mouth to spout out some bloody opinions no one cares to know and boasts about the achievements and some absolute nonsense to waste minutes of my precious life, I am just going to...kill that person with a coconut.

"HIEEE YAH!!! TAKE THAT YOU BIG TRUMPET!!"

~If you think I'm referring to you, I'm not, if you think I'm referring to someone else, you're right~

I just realised my hamster Snowball is dead. AHH!! What happened??? I fed it and gave it water everyday!!! Did it die of heartsickness???? These 2 days I didn't see it diggin about and proddings from me didn't stimulate a response, now then I know it's dead. WHY?? SOB SOB.

I'm really not a good hamster owner, I know nuts about them except taht they eat nuts. T_T

Yes I know, I know, I haven't been posting recently. But give this girl a break!
She has badminton trainings 4 times a week and most of the time she's conked out.

Yesterday I was eating out with my badminton mates, and...I don't know why but whatever conversation I participate in, it will inevitably turn to the topic of...Ghosts.
So as you know I'm a chickin *pwark* I get goosebumps when I think about things that go "woo woo woo"
so those pals of mine decided to tell me of ghostly taxi drivers, since I'm always taking the cab home. (It has become somewhat of a joke that I'm the one with money to throw away, taking cab home almost everyday. BUT hey!! I end school at 8+ and you want me to walk home, or take bus home!! Sorry no deal. I'm afraid of the dark, I cna't find my way in the dark, and I get lost in the dark. And what's more, I always have this paranoia of meeting a pervert and getting raped. Thus I will always carry protection around with me. Protection in this case doesn't mean condoms mind you, you think people who are getting raped will have the time and mood to say "Stop! Please put on a condom first" to the rapist?? Protection meaning a penknife or most oftenly a racquet for me. Hooray for titanium steel. Why risk my life and virtue over a few dollars.)

Anyways back to ghostly taxi drivers, as usual I took a cab home, but before I got in, I went to look at the cab driver to ascertain he was alive and breathing. How? By checking whether his chest moved while breathing, if he even breathed at all. And also checked if he looks eerie and has green light glowing about him. Yeap, seems to be human and not glowing.

I'm so tired today I found myself spacing out while spacing out. What does it mean? It means I can be playing in a match and one nanosecond the shuttlecock was flying towards me, and then other millisecond the shuttlecock is back over the net and I have no recollection of how it got there. I must have hit it over. Unless *gasp* "someone" help me to fly it over. ARGH don't think about ghosts Heidi!! Pwark pwark.

When I visited hotmail just now, I saw an advert that went "Text message a hottie" I went "Pfft yeah right."
The only hotties there are the ones who have 2 eyes, one nose, one mouth and two ears with no disfigurements. meaning if you look normal...you're a hottie.
I'm a big big hottie. I'm flaming hot!!

Ok ego-boosting aside, I'm off to go space out while spacing out now.

~Tomorrow Heidi's going to skip chinese lesson because she wants to sleep some more...stupid lazy idiot~

The other day, I was having tuition with Jing Yun and teacher.
Besides learning about maths, I learned that Qi Yuwu and Utt is gay.

WHAT???
WHATT?????

And Irene Ang is lesbian.

You gotta be kidding me.

Oh great, why not Tay Ping Hui be gay too, and Pierre Png can join the club too. Fann Wong would have to shove off marriage plans because Christopher fell in love with Ping Hui. While we're at it, lets make Brad Pitt gay too. Maybe that'll explain why he and Jennifer broke up. His lack of interest in her sexually.
"Oh yes he wanted kids, but I had no penis!"

Gah.

Please bear in mind the above (besides QYW and Utt and Irene) is fake. Before some celebrity sues me for slander.
Why are all the cute guys gay?? If you're straight, you're probably not cute.
Oh dear, think I' gonna get punches in the face for this. Tis ok, you can ruin my looks for all I care, just remember to pay for my plastic surgery.

Oh by the way, Xie Shao Guang's fay too. Why do I hear silence? Oh it's because most of you can't be bothered. Hey, he's a great actor ok! But yah, no wonder he acts sissy well.

This week, I had migraines, so as you know 4 times training a week, I really wanted to sleep at home instead of go for training. But because I appealed in using badminton, it's I think, wrong for me to miss training. So I prayed to whoever is listening to let it rain, while I scrunched my face in pain. When I opened my eyes, lightning strike and thunder boomed and tada! It's started raining.

Oh wait, forgot why I wanted it to rain, that's because I needn't run 2.4km at the track if it's raining. I really really really dislike the track at that time. But today, I freaked myself out when I didn't feel exhausted while running 2.4km just now. I'm reallly going to become muscle woman man.

~Heidi the rain-maker!(ok, I had some help)~

I am officially a no-lifer.
What time do I go home almost everyday? 7+pm would be early for me.
Which day am I free? Non. Nil.Zeroh. Kosung. Ling. *insert tamil word for 0*

Trainings are now 4 days a week, running 2.4km almost every training. And that's not counting PE, where I have to run 4 rounds. PE's twice a week. So in total how many rounds do I run a week?
A lot.

Great, there I was moaning about being flabby and Miss God decides to grant my wish and inflict upon me a new exersize(forgot how to spell it) regime and suddenly I'm sprouting muscles where there should be none. And. I. Put. On. Weight. Damn it.

For those of you light ones out there, muscles weigh more than fat so if you weigh like 43kg and are 160cm tall, you're a flabby stickhead.

Despite this sudden lack of Heidi-time, I continue with my hedonistic ways of coming home, watch tv, bathe, sleep, wake up and watch tv then back to sleep again.
Actually if I come home earlier, I could add in "surf net" to the list. Homework? What homework.
But too bad for me, even though I take taxi home. WAH rich girl ah? Eh I don't know also, no money just dig into the sofa, there are always coins there.

I can't believe I'm the GP rep. Bah bah bah.

I have a very unusual chinese teacher who actually speaks FLUENT english in class!!
"I don't have any ball sense."
"We attach too much(it's many Mr) to chinese."
And he knows how to use "intrinsic" nice. Not many science teachers I know would know what is that word, much less use it.

Now I'm forcing myself to at least think in chinese in chinese class and speak chinese.
Funny thing is, I was adamant about speaking chinese previously but in this mostly english-speaking environment that I'm thrust into in NY(which is such an irony right, being such a cheena school)
I find myself the only one adding in chinese phrases/idioms(though most of the time I get them mixed up)
And after I do that, my classmates would stare at me increduosly, thinking
"Why is she speaking chinese? So weird."

I'm a mind-reader so yes, I know what they are thinking, and yes, I know what YOU are thinking.
It's totally different from my preconceptions of what Nanyang would be like. ANd I have people who knows French and German in my class, so sigh, can't astound them with my foreign crap. Joke.

Just the other day, while I was rushing to school(yet again) and putting my ear rings on the way, I saw a naked man standing at the glass window of Hougang Point's condominium. There was a dark patch at his groin which I didn't care to examine, if he was wearing underwear...or not.
Anyways, he was looking at me and I was freaked out because I saw his front view au naturale. Fortunately he wasn't too flabby, so I wasn't that traumatized.

The things you see sometimes.

Well, that's about it. Not. But I'm too darn mentally dead to type more. Um. Read on? Ta.

~Racquets and (shuttle)cocks make me sick~

I wouldn't mind being third-runner up in Miss Singapore Universe just to be kissed by Jon Johanssen(sp?)

Today Pooffy, my male hamster died. Sigh. Due to my careless inattention Pooffy died. Sorry Pooffy.
I think Bryan really threw you down the chute, when I prefered you have a burial instead.
OH MY...

Muah.

Well, I've been meaning to post my adventures as a sixteen year old going on seventeen. But seems that it's either tiredness or laziness possessing me these few days.

First let me talk about what happened one fateful trip home.
Never read while waiting for a bus
Why? Because I did that. I took the right bus, only it was in the wrong direction. It was only one stop to the interchange and in my blur state of mind, I took it.
So while eveyrone got off, I got on. Fortunately I sensed something was wrong since there was not a single soul on the bus except for the bus driver, and this driver (an old man whom I'll like to slap the face of) was glaring at me.
WHAT WHAT. Oh wrong bus. He left the door opened, waiting for me to come to my senses, I did, but not before tapping my EZLINK card which meant some 45cents had already been minused off even though I did nothing but stand in the bus for a few seconds.
Then I apologized to the uncle and got off. I shouldn't have apologized. Bah.
I shouldn't have read my 8 days magazine in the first place. BAAAAH.

So I got my wish and was assigned to a new class on Friday, but the thing was I couldn't find my name on the registers. So I went to the General Office and checked my name on the school system. But my I/C no. doesn't exist!! Only when the teacher searched using my name then we found out the school has my I/C no. wrong.
.... Do I really have such bad hand-writing?? Ok ok yes.

I've been sent to class 5A1. Once I stepped in, I had this feeling I wasn't going to be enjoying myself much in this class. It just doesn't feel like I belong, and the usual irrepresible me wasn't able to speak out much.
So I ended up feeling a little depressed over my class.
SIGH.

The next day, we had to sit in a circle and introduced ourselves, I thought about what I was gonna say "Hi I'm Heidi and I brought my pet today" which I did. But when it came to my turn, no one laughed at my jokes and no one said, "Oh really, show us!!!" NO ONE WANTED TO SEE MY PET TURTLE. That was a sign something is seriously wrong with this class.

But Hand of God intervenes. So I went to check my name on the boards. Fortunately it was there this time around, and I got assigned to a new class!! At first I was like "WHAT THE!! I've already introduced myself to everyone and now I have to do it all over again??"
But when I walked into the class, I knew at once I'm gonna have a lot of fun there. For one thing, the class is smaller, for the other, everyone is friendlier and more enthusiastic. And I was right, I felt more comfortable there and was able to speak out more. And...EVERYONE WANTED TO SEE MY PET.
AHAHAHHA. Tacky, you're so popular.

So yes, I shall just say this to everyone, I do feel more comfortable in NY then in MJ or MI. My gut feelings seldom, if not never, lies.

Again, fate works in mysterious ways. Someone whom I've never seen ever since I graduated from primary school is in the same school and faculty as me. What's so interesting about that? For one thing, she was once a good (almost best) friend of mine. Oh nice, a reunion isn't it? Nope, we also became foes. LOL. I tell you, whatever had happened between us involved almost every girl in class, and had some pretty vicious name-calling. But of course, me being me, didn't really retaliate. My mantra was, if I ignore them, they'll feel even more pissed.
Maybe I deserved it.
Because everytime I see you, I'm reminded of how horrible I was in the past.

So this girl and me, we happened to have friends who are friends with each other, so we more or less have to interact like almost daily. We see each other everyday and act like total strangers. One day we were sitting next to each other in a lecture. None of our friends knew we even knew each other. But I did told Eileen who she was and she went "WHAT???"

And that's not even it, we even meet each other at the same bus stop every morning to go to school. This is like so tragically ironic man. Yes we do smile at each other, but not obvious to everyone else is the tension beneath our smiles. Oh man. I can bet my life we both remembered what happened before and are both feeling dreadfully uncomfortatble about it.

What I believe is everything happens for a reason, so...what's the reasoning here? So I agonized over that reason while walking home in the rain one day.
She is one of the mistakes I have to fix I think.

~Those who forget the past, are condemned to relieve it~