The Velveteen Rabbit

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Star Wars Acapella

Wah this rocks man!

Goodbye Generation

"Goodbye Generation is not about the study of numbers but rather an attempt to understand people. The truth is we are losing people we have poured our lives into, kids are walking away from the faith of their parents, people have left hurt and disillusioned. We are asking you to be part of turning the tide.


In fact we believe that God is using this group, as well as,others, to call the church back to what is really important. We are seeing young people who will not settle for empty religion and form. They are looking for genuine encounters with God, real community, and are looking to live out their faith in practical ways. They want to see and live out what they have heard about growing up in the church. We have so much to look forward to."


http://web.me.com/davidsawler/goodbyegeneration/Welcome.html


For all those who are disillusioned and in pain,
who had suffered under power abuses,
who had felt the cold sting of politics
when we should have felt the warmth of love and mercy.

For those who had thrown away their shackles to live life as it was meant to live.

Requiem

After all is said and done
Whatever had happened had happened
There is not right, no wrong
Things just happen
Like a game of Russian Roulette
So are the ways and deeds of men
For everyone must do what he thinks is right
And in doing so we fight the great cosmic battle
Till either side is dead
And all that is left is no song of victory
no great tale of valour
but a requiem...

We men are wretched beings.

Das Konfessions Part Two.

Despite all I had said in my last post, RGEN was a good ministry.

Was.

Looking back at the good old days of RGEN, it had been fun, and I found my family there. It was where I learn about my faith, and where I made friendships that I know aren't just the superficial 'hi' and 'byes' said to fulfill one's obligation. I will never forget the times when I experienced the love of God in my life and the times when my brothers and I banded together to pray for one another way back in the MAD days.

Sigh, just miss hanging out and just jamming the night away.

Its just that somehow along the way everything fell apart, at least for me. The fault may be with me, it may not. It doesn't matter, my confessions is simply that – confessions. The system worked for certain people, but somewhere along the line (roughly 2007-2008), I grew tired and disillusioned with what was happening. Leading worship became tiring. Trying to constantly choose hip and popular songs, to force out free worship with cool chord progressions and judging how 'anointed' my worship was by the numbers of hand raised or knees bowed, all this clawed at my soul, and I realized I've lost what was most precious to me – the heart of worship. Effectively, I was leading a concert, not worship. It was a matter of good song choices, nice arrangement, stirring progressions, loud exhortations of external responses, and its not difficult to get a good 'worship' service experience.

But like I said earlier, not all birds are crows, I guess its just me.

Though I must say that leading Kingsmen and Torch were good experiences for me, because I was in a position to affect lives, and I really cared for them – maybe that's the only thing I've ever done right in my years in the youth ministry. No talks of revival or BOMG, just 'how have you been' and meeting the spiritual needs of those who are hurting and hungry. I may have failed in my duties as a leader, but I know I've played my role as a shepherd, and for that I have no shame.

Now, I have no more fear of roving ears eavesdropping on what I've got to say, no more fear that any disciplinary action would be meted out against me just because I don't abide by party rhetoric, no more people coming up to me telling me that I've been deceived and that I'm a sinner because I don't subscribe to their 'convictions', which utterly disgusts me. Someone once said that he was disappointed with me because I gave up on my convictions after leaving the youth ministry.

Remove your own plank before you try to remove the speck from your brother's eyes.

Convictions are personal and unless you're living in the times of Moses where you get stoned for picking up firewood on the Sabbath, you cannot force it on anyone else. You don't have to bear the same convictions to be united. The street punk with dyed hair and piercing, do you consider him any lesser just because he doesn't subscribe to what you hold true to? Each person must discover his own convictions with the help of the Holy Spirit. Convictions are like fences we build using the Word to keep out the wolves of the world, but if we build it for others and force them into it, it becomes a concentration camp.

I wonder if they were any shepherd who shoots at his own sheep just because it tried to walk out of the fence? And please don't bring up that 'break-the-wandering-lamb's-leg' analogy, it would work for kids, but not for thinking adults.

And by the way I will defend Anthony yet again for his YAWA speech fiasco. He did the right thing by telling people how he felt, I guess that ruffled a few feathers, but hey, thats how he felt. To deny him the right to express his feelings would be a cultish behavior. Thats not the kind of fascist ministry that I would want to be in. Anyway a couple people who graduated from the youth shared how they felt about their new found freedom, and I'm sure it shook the 'beliefs' of some of the youth leaders, causing the leader of the herd to respond with the usual 'if you have convictions you will not fall' talk for damage control.

I'm sorry, I guess I'm not that perfect and infallible.

And sorry if I burst any bubble that shielded you guys from the realities of adulthood.

I admit, I feel so confused now, but yet so alive, I can't explain it. Its like I've been thrown out into the wilderness, with no comfort of any system or herd to fall back on to give meaning to my life. Yet because of this, I'm forced to find meaning with Him whom really matters. I don't have to follow any crowd anymore, and the fear and uncertainty, well, it's liberating.