"Work Faster Slave!"

Yes, I have started work since last Thursday, which explains my seemingly lack of activity here. I'm working for DSO National Laboratories (where most of our weapon technologies are researched and developed) Working there is cool, and though I can't really tell you what exactly I'm working on, I'm a sort of like a Lab assistant. Working conditions are good - I got friendly colleagues, I learn very interesting things, the working hours are very flexible, and I get to see all the cool military stuff. Time is spent drilling and glueing and I get paid by the hour.

Heh.

God is good. I prayed on Tuesday night, and on Wednesday morning, I got the job. Even now, I have another job offer which I plan to take up. I'm going to assist in some adventure camp. The working hours are short, but the pay is not bad. These are all evidence that God cares, and bless His children with all good things.

But work is tiring. Ever since work started, I hardly have time for myself, not to mention friends and family. Thank God this is only short term! I hope this is not going to be my life in the future; I will not sacrifice family or friends so that I can have a larger bank account.

So much for working life.

Day of Days.

My "graduation certificate" from the Civilian Conversion Course.

17 October 2006. Today indeed is the Day of Days.

Lord, help me to pull thru this difficult phase.

Old Soldier.

Old soldiers never die, they just fade away.

Today marks 2 years and 2 months of full service to the nation. Today marks a new transition into a new phase of life. Today's my Operationally Ready Date.

This is my last post as 3rd Sergeant Dominic.

Officially after 3pm, I will join the civilian world, no more 3SG, now it's Mr. Dominic.

ORD lor.

I welcome this day with both sadness and happiness. Soldiering had been my dream and joy for the past 22 years, a boyish fantasy of guns and mud. Starting my National Service life was one of the greatest things to ever happen to me, and even now as I look back, I have no regrets, no shame. I had done my best, and now I savour the times that has given birth to many sweet memories.

I had both good times and bad times in the army. ONe most significant thing to happen to me was my confrontation with the demons within. Instead of running and thinking that nothing is wrong, I spent months searching and fighting these monsters in me, and became somewhat "hostile" and unwilling to open myself up to others.

And God heard my cries from the pit.

And He picked me up, restored me, fought away the darkness and fear that seeks to overwhelm and devour me.

The past 2 years have been trying, and I know I've grown stronger and more confident. God has moulded me with things that can only be found in the military, and I am very thankful.

Soldiering had been my life for 2 years. And now suddenly I must try to become a civilain again, to learn to think like one again, to speak like one again.

This is very hard for me, but I'll do my best.

Alas, this old soldier will never die.

(Still got reservist mah. Heh)

Battle Lines.

On Sunday we had a gathering of the leaders. And Lillian talked about revival and asked us what revival really meant for us.

To be honest, I didn't really had anything going in me concerning revival. Only until recently did God break thru the dam, releasing trickles of water. Little by little the water flowed, as cracks appeared on the dam.

It's little, but the water is flowing.

God is doing something in my heart that goes beyond me. Something that cannot be generated humanly.

Last week at the youth service, Pastor Ben talked about revival, and why revival terries. He gave an altar call for people to respond, to be willing to be used by God for revival. I was one of the last to respond to this altar call, I didn't want to respond just because everyone else was responding; I had enough of faking my faith for the approval of others. I took time to think, to ponder on what God really wanted from me.

It was between me and God. No one else.

I had to make sure that my heart was upright. And at that moment, God spoke to me regarding my parents - broken, tossed about in the storms of life that offered no peace. They must be rescued from a life of meaningless, of hopelessness. And I responded, and allowed God to do His work in my heart.

And at the leader's meeting, I was reminded of this broken generation.

My heart really goes out for this broken generation, but time after time I really feel powerless. Powerless and seemingly unable to act. I can only pray, with tears and a deep sense of lost for them. Only God can reach them, only God can show them a love that this world can never offer.

Only God can be the Father to the fatherless.

It's amazing how God brought me into this journey. Today while on the way to meet a friend, I came across something that I was reading that struck a chord in me.

"The root cause of the great bulk of our societal problems is fatherlessness. Another word for it would be a lack of manhood, for the term "father" is the consummate masculine word. It is applied masculinity at its best. True fathering has very little to do with biology, but everything to do with responsibly caring for others. Whether a man has biological children or not, he is to be applying himself to fathering functions. But men in society today seem to be looking out more for themselves than others. That, my friend, is sorry manhood... and unworthy of the name."
~ Stu Weber, Four Pillars of a Man's Heart.

When Israel stood gazing upon the Promised Land, spies from each tribe were sent into the land. 10 spies came back with bad reports, reports of fear and faithlessness, and I'm sure their reports spread like wild fire across the entire Israelite camp.

Only 2 spies returned with faith and courage in their hearts, urging the nation to cross Jordan and claim what was their God-given land.

I stand at the banks of stormy Jordan.

Will I be able to find courage to put my feet into the waters? To cross and Jordan and to claim what is mine?

The battle lines are drawn - they've been drawn for generations. Many have come and many have fought in this great epic battle; saint-soldiers of old have stood at the edge and joined this great fray.

Will I be found among them?

Will I be able to believe in 500?

Wells of Revival.

Today some of the guys gathered to pray and intercede. And even as we prayed, the Lord spoke to us about standing in awe of His Name, and having a deeper hunger for His presence. As we prayed, a vision came into my mind - a vision of a dried up well. And as I continued to pray, the Holy Spirit spoke to me about the story of Issac's well.

Here's the account:

Isaac's servants dug in the valley and discovered a well of fresh water there. But the herdsmen of Gerar quarreled with Isaac's herdsmen and said, "The water is ours!" So he named the well Esek, because they disputed with him. Then they dug another well, but they quarreled over that one also; so he named it Sitnah. He moved on from there and dug another well, and no one quarreled over it. He named it Rehoboth, saying, "Now the LORD has given us room and we will flourish in the land."

Esek means "Dispute"; Sitnah means "Opposition"; Rehoboth means "Room".

And there God spoke.

Our hearts sometimes are like that dried up well; dry, cracking, thirsty, yet without a single drop of water. That's why we need to press on, to continue to dig the wells, and if there's no water, we cannot stop. We must go on, digging and digging till we find water flowing out once again. It is a picture that calls us back to that place of deep intercession; of mourning and weeping, of torn robes and sackclothes, of fasting and travailing. We gotta return to that place once again.

Digging, with our bare hands if necessary, for that living waters.

The living waters of revival.

Musing.

mus·ing (myzng)

adj.

Deep in thought; contemplative.

n.

1. Contemplation; meditation.

2. A product of contemplation; a thought.

Deep thought? Not exactly, just a boring Wednesday morning with thoughtful nights.

On Working...
I realised how much I hated working in an office environment, based on my past experienced working with a major compuyter firm in Singapore during my attachment days, I utterly detest it. Being trapped in a box, facing a computer system that will one day take over the world, and balancing office politics while trying to stay clear of it is not exactly my idea of working.

It helps when I know I would prefer to sweat it out in the hot sun out in the field, or by the beach. So that technically limits my job opportunities to a few. For example - working as a camp instructor? How bout helping out with Combat Skirmish Singapore? I could try for a life guard since I've got a paramedic level 2 cert and a Life guard level 2 Cert?

I would like to work for Defence Science Technologies, but only God knows how I would ever get a job there. But if God willing, yeah I would love to.

On my spiritual journey...
I remembered a conversation I had with my friend's mom whom I bummed into on the bus. We talked about family, and then about her children. She has a daughter who is very active in YWAM, and her mother had the faith to believe that God has called her daughter into the ministry. So with barely much to survive on, her daughter went to England to study part time in some architecture degree (or was it interior design? I can't remember). Anyway, her real purpose there was to work with YWAM England. God is faithful, she was given a scholarship which covers most of her expenses, and now she can devote her time to YWAM. =) Then we talked about her son (my friend), on what he was going to do after he ORD.

He's going to YWAM Australia, full time.

I was surprised when I heard this. This friend of mine had been wandering in and out of the faith, and he recent choice indeed surprised me. I was very happy for him. And even as we approached the last station, my friend's mom said this:

"It's important to have a praying mother."

I know. But deep down, my spirit man whispered...

"It's important to have a praying son too"

And that's what I'm doing. To pray, to beat my chest, to cry on my knees, to forsake the world and look to God for my unsaved parents, because there's nothing as important as this, that my family will come to know the saving grace of God thru our Lord Jesus Christ. It's vital to have a praying son; it's vital to BE a praying son.

On other stuff...
Oh my goodness. I am in love with Hillsong Kids. Yes, it's not a lie. I got some songs from Joanne Stephen, and I've been listening to them over and over again. Even a friend commented, "whoa big change eh Dom?" Not exactly, just that I didn't really got the opportunity to listen to them. I remember a song sung by a little boy…

"Jesus loves me this I know..."

It wasn't some fantastic recording, just a voice and some notes, but I cried when I listened to it. This boy was terminally ill with cancer, and he had a few more months to live, but instead of blaming God, there he was praising God and worshipping Him with this simple song.

There's something simplistically powerful when a child praises and worships God. That's why Jesus told his disciples that the Kingdom of God belonged to the little children.

This is not the type of prayer that I would usually make, but hey it's time to be broken and humble.

Lord! Make me a child in Your presence! =)

Righteousness

"To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the LORD than sacrifices." Proverbs 21:3

"The king may have dominion over the body, but the man's soul is his own. When he stands before God, he cannot say 'Someone else made me do it.' or that virture was not convenient at that point of time." The Leper King of Jerusalem, Kingdom of Heaven.

"The sword of the righteous is for the defence of the helpless; it undoes the wicked." King Arthur, Camelot.

Righteousness. Live justly, act rightly, It is not self-seeking, not for one's own glory. It is not some far off dream from the realms of Camelot. Righteousness is a character trait a Christian should live by; to do what is required of him/her, and not based on one's emotion or failure to act due to one's own fears. I like what the Leper King said in the movie Kingdom of Heaven, that we cannot use the the excuse that we did not act because virture wasn't convenient at that point of time.

To act justly everyday; to love mercy in everyway.

Lord, teach us how...

Axis and Allies.

Welcome to the world of Axis And Allies.

Playing as the British - Gerald Tan.

And on the Soviet side - Anthony

And as the Yanks, the United States of America - Comrade Shaun

And as Mighty Germany - Me!

The guys gathered for a day of war at the Kremlin (Shaun's house) and it was truly a spectacular game that day. Germany almost, ALMOST defeated the Royal Navy by his combined U-Boat fleet. The Soviet Union bore the blunt of the punishment as German panzers pounded on her borders, and German bombers swarming Soviet airspace, racking up a pretty neat bombing runs on Anthony's industry. The Middle East front continues to be a problem for the Allies as Germany quickly overwhelms the Allied defenses, capturing oil rich Middle East and earning a huge amount of resources.

But alas Germany lost, with a belated Allied landing on the coast of Normandy and a successful invasion of Africa; Germany's days were numbered as he fought a two front battle, diverting much needed troops away from the Eastern Front. The Soviet Union was so close of being annihilated; she was saved by the opening of the Second Front in Normandy.

Technical stuff aside, the guys really bonded that day, and we all agreed that we truly enjoyed the day there. It's something we have not been doing for a very long time, and we're glad we could make time for it once in awhile.

So yep, that's how we relax...

"Anthony, Germany attacks Belorussia..........."

"Aiyo! Stupid dice roll!"

13.

Feeling sort of lost now as my ORD date approaches. Unlike most conventional Singapore males, I'm not really excited about my ORD date. It's 13 days from now, and I must say I've been suffering from Army withdrawal.

Sounds weird huh?

Army has been good to me, no complaints about that. Learnt lots of cool stuff from there, especially in relating to others. It had also greatly booasted my confidence, and shaped a kind of toughness that only barrack-life can shape.

I'm starting to miss alot of stuff from camp, and I'm kinda apprehensive, bordering on fear.

How can I become a civilian all over again?

Many would say "Hey It's the easiest thing on earth." Not to me.

Old soldiers never die; they simply fade away.

And not to forget, newly added on Dom's worry list is an evershrinking bank account. With the ceasing of my army allowance, I really gotta be careful with the way I spend my moolah. It's a total revamp; an entirely new way of living - no more snacks, no more S$1 soft drinks. No more expensive once-in-a-blue-moon dinner. In fact, now I hardly eat dinner outside. What aches me the most are books. Today I went to Popular at Bras Basah with Sam Tan, and I chanced upon a book by Martin Van Creld (a very celebrated military historian) entitled "The Art of War: Exploring the Concepts and Politics of War".

I droooooled.

And as my hand subconsiously made it's way to the book, I realised that I would have to pay a hefty $23 for it. It's quite cheap by Kino's standard, but $23 is really a huge amount of money for a poor peasant like me. So I bite my teeth and walked away, feeling the cold needles piercing my heart.

Sigh.

But I know deep down, despite the feeling of loss, I must be a good steward of my money. Where your heart is, there your receipts will lie. I've been spending far too much of history stuff, and I know that even though I do like history, there are other far more important things where I can throw my cash in.

And it's true; when you're out of army, the transition period is an entire new season in a man's life. You suddenly feel the weight of the world falling on your shoulders, the responsibilties of family, work, and sometimes even ministry.

You're forced to grow up - you got no choice.

I'm not exactly taking this transition period well. But I'm trying, and trusting God.

13 more days.

Yom Kippur

"This is to be a lasting ordinance for you: On the tenth day of the seventh month you must deny yourselves and not do any work—whether native-born or an alien living among you- because on this day atonement will be made for you, to cleanse you. Then, before the LORD, you will be clean from all your sins. It is a sabbath of rest, and you must deny yourselves; it is a lasting ordinance..." ~ Leviticus 16:29 - 31

I know, I know. Yom Kippur was yesterday (021006) and it's officially 031006, but that's not important.

What is most important is - it's Yom Kippur.

Yom Kippur - The Day of Atonement.

The holiest and most important day in the Jewish Calender. Surprisingly it’s not in the revelry of Rosh Hashanah or the coming festive moods of the Feast of Tabernacles that takes the honour of being the single most important day in the Jewish Calendar. It's Yom Kippur, a time of fasting and repentance. A day when no work was permitted; a Sabbath of the sabbaths. A day when people lingered in quiet reflection of their past deeds, and how they've lived their lives that God had given to them.

Ha I guess I'm one of the few that actually bothered to "observe" this day. I did not observe it the way traditional Jews do; I simply took some time off to reflect.

What have I been doing with my life?

Gave thought about ministry, family, friends, about how I was living my Christian life. And suddenly I found myself repenting of my misdeeds.

I simply can't go on living my life in such a manner, I need a breakthrough. And I gotta stop giving all the excuses that "I'm just human" when I know I should be living in the power of the Holy Spirit.

No excuses.

"When Aaron has finished making atonement for the Most Holy Place, the Tent of Meeting and the altar, he shall bring forward the live goat. He is to lay both hands on the head of the live goat and confess over it all the wickedness and rebellion of the Israelites—all their sins—and put them on the goat's head. He shall send the goat away into the desert in the care of a man appointed for the task. The goat will carry on itself all their sins to a solitary place; and the man shall release it in the desert..." ~ Leviticus 16:20 - 22

Thank God.

And to all those reading this blog; may your name be found in the Book of Life.

L'Chaim!