Our Eyes Are On You.

As we all know, our ministry is entering a new season of moving in the Spirit. There's an unprecedented visitations of angelic beings. People are seeing visions, hearing words, new songs are arising - we are entering a new period in our ministry where God is doing something. And though we thank God for sending His ministering angels to us, we must not lose sight of The Mighty One of Israel.

Continue to look to God, as did the righteous kings of old. In a particular account found in 2 Chronicles 20, King Jehoshaphat, a righteous king of Judah, found himself facing off with the combined might of Moab, Ammon, and the Meunites.

He was not prepared for war, and instead of fretting and desperately seeking help from foreign "powerful" nations, listen to what he has to say...

"O LORD, God of our fathers, are you not the God who is in heaven? You rule over all the kingdoms of the nations. Power and might are in your hand, and no one can withstand you. O our God did you not drive out the inhabitants of this land before your people Israel and give it forever to the descendants of Abraham your friend? They have lived in it and have built in it a sanctuary for your Name, saying, If calamity comes upon us, whether the sword of judgment, or plague or famine, we will stand in your presence before this temple that bears your Name and will cry out to you in our distress, and you will hear us and save us.

But now here are men from Ammon, Moab and Mount Seir, whose territory you would not allow Israel to invade when they came from Egypt; so they turned away from them and did not destroy them. See how they are repaying us by coming to drive us out of the possession you gave us as an inheritance. O our God, will you not judge them? For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you."

And the Mighty One of Israel indeed heard his prayers.

"Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's. Tomorrow march down against them. They will be climbing up by the Pass of Ziz, and you will find them at the end of the gorge in the Desert of Jeruel. You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you."

How would we react in the face of such adversary? How would we respond in the face of such amounting odds? Would we fret and give up hope? Would we run or surrender, and be taken captive?

What would we do? What would you do? What would I do?

Seek His face, not only His glory. Seek Him with all your heart, and as He has promised He shall be found. As did the Kings of old kept their eyes on God, let us walk in the footsteps of such mighty company of old and keep our eyes fixed on God, the Author and Perfecter of Our Faith.

Bali Reflections.

I’m amazed sometimes at how God leads us step by step, bringing us into the arena of uncertainty where faith is the only thing we hold on to. All it took was a Christian MTV and subsequent conversations with God that took me on my first mission trip. I did not experience any of the emotions like excitement before the trip; It was simply a step of obedience to what I believe is God’s direction in my life in this season.

As I readied myself for the trip, I had to deal with the fear of feeling inadequate. The ghost of my past failures suddenly became very real. And especially in this trip, I felt like a spiritual dwarf amongst many who were seemingly spiritually stronger and better. I wondered what God could do through me, and though the feeling of inadequacy was present, I took that step of faith to believe that as long as I come with a willing heart, God can use me like everyone else. This truth gave me courage, and set me heart to peace. I’m quite apprehensive of calling this trip a mission trip, since we were going to minister to an established church; nevertheless it was equally important to strengthen the saints in Indonesia too, and so I went.

Upon landing onto Balinese ground at the airport I looked out of the plane window, I could almost feel the immediate tasks ahead was not going to be easy. Bali was known as the land of the thousand temples, a land steeped in the works of the enemy; the battles ahead in this land would be long and tough. As we were traveling to our hotel, we passed by a giant statue of a Balinese god battling a dragon, and it became so clear to me that the land of Bali was deeply involved in idol worship, exalting false gods who were in fact demons. Almost every building I saw had a spirit house, an altar of sort to the spirits. Idols of demon and gods could be found almost everywhere, summarizing the dark situation of the spiritual climate over Bali, and the fear that holds captive the hearts of the people of Bali as evident in seeing an almost daily offerings of food assortment to the spirits for good fortune and safety. I will never forget what Pastor Tony said regarding the giant statue we saw on the way to the hotel.

“This (idol) is brought down by daily prayers.”

These simple words burnt deep down in me, for our weapons are spiritual and mighty. For even though the darkness are like giants in the land, we have the weapons to slay them, like David facing off with Goliath.

A significant thing that happened to me, ironically, was a simple word given to me by God. As we past the many buildings on the way to the first youth meeting, I realized a certain similarity in their architectural design – almost every building had a gate, sort of like an entrance at the city walls. And my curiosity got the better of me, and I decided to ask Pastor Tony what these gates symbolized. He mentioned that it represented the spiritual protection, a sort of superstition that says that these gates protect the people inside against the spirits. These gates was part of the enemy’s plot to wreck havoc upon the people’s fear, and playing upon their superstition, in order that they might glorify their fears and thus glorifying the enemy. And as I sat there, thinking of what Pastor Tony had shared, I was suddenly reminded of the passage found in Genesis 24,

“And may your sons possess the gates of their enemies”

These simple words prepared my heart; it set in me a fire that desires to make these words come to pass at the youth meeting, that the spiritual foothold of the enemy in Bali would be crushed. As we minister to the youths of Bali, that passage continued to encourage me greatly.

I’m amazed at the hungry hearts of the youths there. And as I see the brokenness and pain from all their hurts and rejections, I realized that they were very much like me; struggling with the same issues, and dealing with the same problems. To pray for them would be the very least I can do to bless my brothers and sisters in Bali. I yielded my life and will to the Spirit’s move, and ministered to the people, as lead by the Spirit. At that time, all the feelings of inadequacy was thrown out of the window – now I was slaying giants in the spiritual realm.

I wouldn’t say that I was attracted to the land of Bali, as some may put it. No, it’s not a dying must that I return to Bali; I’ve already made up my mind that if God’s the one that calls, I’ll go, even to the deepest, darkest corner of the earth. The trip was an experience that planted a seed in me, as I learn to seek God more and more, I know He’ll show me the great and unsearchable things of His heart. And may this seed grow into perfection, and bear much fruits.

In Hoc Signo Vinces.

"By This Sign, Conquer."

The Roman Emperor Constantine saw a vision of the Chi Rho, or the initials for Jesus Christ which was then the symbol of Christianity before the Battle of Milvian Bridge, AD312. He immediately forged the symbol unto a Roman banner, and it became the famous Labarum. This Labarum marched at the head of Constantine's legions, and he won a great victory that day, because he "conquered by this sign".

Even though It may sound totally irrelevant, the words "By this Sign, conquer" keeps repeating itself in my mind for the past few months.

And tomorrow I'll be heading off to Bali for a mission trip.

"By This Sign, Conquer."

It'll be my first mission trip, and yeah I'm excited. Excited at what God is planning to do, and how he'll use us, vessels seemingly small and insignificant. Jason told me that the Indonesians are famous for last minute "invitations" for ministry, and i'm praying that God will thrust us into ministry indeed, regardless whether we're ready or not, coz it's not about us - it's about Him.

"By This Sign, Conquer."

My heart had been turbulent for the past few days. I was on the receiving end of many blows from the enemy, and I’ve bruised myself fighting him. But now, when it seems that all hope is lost, I'll remember that the LORD holds the Battle Standard of Victory. He shall raise it up in my life, and the enemy shall scatter in fear and defeat. I'm pressed, but not crushed...

"By This Sign, Conquer."

And now it's my turn to hit back. I have chosen to go Bali not because it was fun, or that i wanted recognition. No. It was something that God has placed in my heart, and how interesting it became when He spoke to me thru a Christian MTV called Fearless. Even though this is a very simple trip there, a very small step, but it shall be my first of many steps to come.

So as the RCC commando unit of 12 head off for Bali, please cover us with your prayers. Pray not for the absence of fear, but that we may find courage in our hearts to let go and let God. Pray for a move of the Spirit and that we might gain something when we bless the Church of Bali.

In Hoc Signo Vinces.

"By This Sign, Conquer."

Airborne!

Try imagining this with me...

One day all of us are stuck in a plane that was about to crash. Thank God the pilot knew where the parachutes were, and he begin to hand them out to all the passengers.

"Sir, is it possible if i could get a pink parachute?", a lady asks.

Shaking his head in disbelief, the pilot replied "Isn't it enough that I've given you a parachute?"

And the first passenger jumps.

The second stands at the door "Is there anyway to stop me from puking during the fall?"

"Nope" The pilot replies, "But I can be sure you'll land safely."

The third looks out and exclaimed "My goodnes, it's so far down! I've got a terrible fear of heights! Is there anyway to remove this fear?"

"Erm i can't remove it, but i can give you this parachute." replied the pilot.

Another tapped the pilot on his back and said "How bout a change of plans? Let's crash together, and perhaps we'll survive?"

The pilot smiled, and said "You don't know what you're asking."

One by one he requests came in, some wanted googles, some wanted boots, another wanted to wait till the plane was closer to the ground.

"You people don't understand!" shouted the pilot. "I've given you a parachute; that is enough."

Hmmmm.

That's how things are with God's grace. It's all that we'll ever need. Yet sometimes we demand more things, more blessings, less suffering. We ask Him to change the plans, or remove the fear. He usually answers with a gentle shove that leaves us airborne and suspended by His grace.

That's grace.

God's grace.

It never leaves you. It always hold you securely in the arms of God, and it doesn't require anything other then the childlike faith to simply believe that His plans are good. What we may consider as bad, in the hands of a mighty God, can be turned good. You can't make an omlette without cracking an egg. The process may be painful sometimes, as we ask God to remove it. But somehow He speaks to us in the midst of that pain, it draws us closer, closer to His side. "Pain may not be good to bear, but sometimes it's necessary. Like a purifying process, pain makes us realise that we'll all still human." In pain, we learn to grow up, to mature, to understand His truth, and above all else, His grace.

Amazing grace, How sweet the sound

...That saved a wretch like me.

Retreat 060606 - 090606

View of the land from the hotel.

Just got back from my church retreat held at Batu Pahat a few days back. Well, all I can commend about the retreat is...

it was pretty ordinary.

Perhaps it was the lack of activity that so easily frustrates a 3rd Sergeant who rushes around like a mad man back in the army camp. (Well, that's exactly the point of the retreat! You're supposed to slow down...). Perhaps it was some of the unhappy moments I experienced, but somehow managing to remain silent so as not to upset the balance of church unity. Perhaps it was my past coming back to haunt me again, as I seek to put it to the sword instead of running away from it.

Nevertheless, God spoke to me, albeit in a quiet and simple way.

Here goes:

I gotta stop relying on my own strength.

It had always been an issue; i can be some sort of perfectionist when it comes to getting things done, which explains my seemingly irrational inpatience. Only in the retreat did i realise something - I took personal pride to a scary level in doing things, which means i'm too much concerned with the failure or succes of the things i do, which can be a severe hindrance especially in serving God. Nothing wrong in taking pride in the things you do... But hiding behind it as a tool of gaining acceptance can be dangerous.

What do i mean?

Since young, i never really had a very healthy image of myself, and all the late night suppers of hokkien mee and fried oyster made me into a rather "well covered" kid. Deep in me was this inferiority complex too. I always felt that people were simply better than me in whatever i do, and not to forget the seeming huge amount of failures drove to to almost a breaking point in my life, especially in church ministry. How ironic isn't it?

Army made things worse. I was appointed to a leadership position, and almost immediately i morphed into a tyrant. I found my solace in the belief that I could manage it well, and thus scoring points with my superiors in camp. I wanted people to know me as capable, hardworking, efffective etc. But it was all a mask for me to don.

In the retreat, I needed to lead worship for a morning event. As i went about preparing, i went into my normal logical mode of reasoning and planning. After all the preparation, in the darkness of my little room, i realised something important.

I did not even seek God for it. It was all done in the flesh.

And slowly I opened myself to trusting God, and even in the camp, as my room-mates (Ant and Joshua) gathered to pray for me, they gave me similar words. I needed to let go and let God, and stop trusting in my own capabilities. As i surrendered to Him, He prepared my heart.

And He prepared me for worship.

Simple songs - I will awaken the dawning, Great in Power, Great is Thy Faithfulness, and lastly Call Me Deeper. But i felt so alive when singing them, a sense that i've not felt in almost a millennium. I stand amazed at how God touches us, and invites us in to serve Him. It has nothing to do with conscription in His service, but once you've met Him and experience, trust me, you volunteer to be His slave. And as i stood there singing, i felt liberated, liberated to serve, to expect the unexpected from God like a little boy eagerly anticipating what might had been that rattling sound in his Christmas present.

I'm slowly learning how to trust God in everything. (Yes, including a soul mate) Learning to flow with the Holy Spirit instead of insisting on following my plans. Learning to see Him and hear Him, as I set my heart unto seeking Him.

So that basically marks the most important thing i learnt from the retreat. I've learn a few snippets of spiritual nuggets, but i guess that would be for another time aye?

oh, and good news.

after a uber long break, I'll be back to lead worship in the ministry very soon.

Praise Adonai.....

Here's some shots.

The NS guys raided a supply depot - the supermarket.

Ice Breaker time!

Eat-All-You-Can Fruits Buffet! And yes, there was durian you bunch of pathetic peeps.

Shian with the super-duper cute little boy Ian.

Dom has found his sacrifice.

It's Over.

Finally.

The IISS Standby is over. This standby marks the last of a few things for me. It's my last ops as the 1st Ops Platoon, it's my last ops as the Logistic Specialist (I signed the handing over form last night), and it will be my last time sleeping there at the MRF level.


I spent the entire standby period packing my stuff, and to my surprise i ended up with 7 boxes of stuff. Mainly clothes, and an assortment of supplies that are left after my stinct as the Log Spec. As I spent the last night there in my bunk, memories began to flood in. Memories of how Zul and I spent a hectic afternoon cleaning the place before moving in in Feb. We had our last night together over a bowl of ramian, our staple diet for supper after a hard day's training. It had always been a simple get together, sharing a bowl of noodles and ALWAYS drinking the same thing - H20, nothing else.

I'll never forget all the fun i had with the 9 Plt guys, and though yes, i'll still be going back for my 0730 - 6pm routine before i officially ORD, there's always some stuff that you can do only in the night. I can't really explain it, but an invisible bond is formed when you have to smell your bunkmates smelly slippers, hang your laundry and having it gone missing next thing in the morning, disturbing people in the showers, and of coz the water treatment for those whose birthday draws near. Boys will be boys.

I will definately miss simply gazing out my bunk window at night, to gaze upon the stars in all their beauty, to draw constellations and reminiscise of the good old days that had gone by. I will miss the beautiful morning sky that shows itself at 0645 hours every morning, just like clockwork, as I praised God for another day in His love.

Sigh, such simple joys.

Somehow, as the dawning of my ORD date draws nearer and nearer, i'm feeling a certain apprehension. In the army, I could really be who I really am, and paying no attention to whatever people may think of me. In the army, I'm needed, important. There was true acceptance, and brotherhood. Okie, maybe not with everyone, but a few would suffice. I could go about my nonsense, and people laughed and joined in, coz they were as nonsensical as me. They didn't really cared how smart I was, or how capable I am. To them, I was a brother in the formation, in this great struggle to survive each day without getting into any trouble. I will miss these crazy nights with them.

Now, interestingly, i'm beginning to feel a deep sense of detachment from church. It can't be the standby, can it? But it's only 1 week end burnt! Nevertheless, I've never really broken into the mainstream clique. Okie, many may argue that there's no such thing as cliques, just people with a common interest and sense of fun. (talk about oxymorons). Long time ago, someone actually proposed the idea of the Aristocrat and the Soviets. The typical Aristocrat is the accepted normal person who has an interesting sense of humour, fun to be with, intelligent etc. The Soviet is anything but those, the social outcast, the reject who can only be a threat to your conscience. If I go by his standard, I would be labelled a Soviet. If by that dude's standard, I would have been a Soviet all my life, your typical underdog. Though I must state that i renounce that ideology because it has detrimental effect on the unity of the church, and by the mercy of God we are supposed to welcome everyone into our circles.

"Whao, that's not true! There's no such thing as an elitist order!" I desist from commenting, just take a look around. That's all I've got to say. I may sound like a kid gripping about how others don't like him, a sourgrapes. Nevertheless, I just feel like letting it off my chest.


Ultimately, despite all the rejections i face, i thank God for a united cell - MAD. Ha i feel like a sort of X men. =) Thank God for all these brothers who came from very normal backgrounds in life, having flaws, yet are humble enough to admit it to one another. At the end of the day, I can find my strength among these people, knowing that I'll always be accepted in this circle of brothers. This can prove dangerous, if one day God decides to call me out of MAD; i don't think i can ever survive.

Okie, i admit my post tonite may sound somewhat pessimistic. Often the truth speaks and i cannot reject it, but trying my best to put it down in words...

...and i'm never good with words.

So Dark The Con of Man.

A few precious moments to blog, i've being blessed with a few short hours of nights out before i return back to camp. My weekends will be burnt this week; i'm on ops.

Yeah. Ops yet again.

We protect Singapore 24/7, and hardly anyone knows the existence of my unit. Let's keep it that way.

Behind a veil of secrecy we span our wings of service.

To an ungrateful nation, to a ignorant populace.

To the young and to the old.

To those who go normally to work, and to the children who play happily at the play ground.


If you are already yawning even before you reach this point, you belong to one of those faces.

You just don't know....

"So dark the con of man..."

Spending time alone in camp, trying to avoid the masses, this can drive a person insane. Well, though i have not reached that stage yet, my mind's been pretty disturbed the past few nights. Warm weather plus supper thanks to bunkmate Force Sergeant Zul has pretty much disturbed my normal pattern of the nocturnia.

Well, I could only do the thing that actually mattered.

I prayed.

Prayed about lifegroup, prayed about university...

...prayed about the future.

The fear is really real. Up till date all my uni apllication had being rejected. It seems I've got nowhere much to go to after my ORD.

Bible School? It's a possibility, but going down that path would most properly incur the wrath of every single living organism in the House of Ng. A short term at Tungling would be the most viable option for now. Though i haven't discounted the possibility of a university calling oversea.

And I'll be going for my retreat next week! Yay, hopefully I'll be able to find the answers that I've been searching for so long in that camp. I need to do alot of soul searching, and to find strength perhaps when i sit by the beach and turn my ears to the soft sound of the crashing waves...

But wait, the retreat is held in the heart of a city!

=(

And then it's Bali next.

My first mission trip. Though i wouldn't call it a mission trip exactly. It's sort of a "encouraging the saints there; empowering them to serve God more efficiently". Though i still have trouble sometimes thinking what i can accomplish there.

Use me.

I am willing.