My Papa is pain free

After battling with cancer for the past 10 years, my Papa finally succumbed to the horrible disease yesterday morning. Can I tell you how much I HATE cancer?
Yesterday Jonah asked me what my favorite memories were of him and, yesterday, I couldn't even think about it without choking back tears. Tonight, I'm ready to share some of my favorite memories:
- when I was really small South Coast Plaza had a live band outside of Macy's on the weekends. My Papa would take me to the center of the "floor" and I would dance on his shoes. This is my earliest memory of my Papa.
- As I got older I realized that he was an amazing dancer and I loved to watch he and my grandma twirl around the floor.
- Papa always had a glass jar in the kitchen filled with Double Mint gum. To this day, the smell of Double Mint reminds me of my Papa, even though he stopped chewing it a long, long time ago.
- I always loved how he carried a real hankerchief in his pocket. I always thought it was so dignified.
- I think I have seen my Papa wear a pair of jeans, maybe, 10 times my entire life. He was always dressed like he was going to a party.
- Papa almost always had a smile on his face.

Canaan bears my Papa's name as his middle name. The day we brought Canaan home from the hospital my mom called to tell me that she was rushing to the hospital because he wasn't doing well. He held on to life for a whole year and he was able to see his great-grandson(and his other great grandkids to) one last time a month and a half ago.

Papa became a Christian about a year or so before he was diagnosed with cancer. I will be seeing him in heaven one day and, for that, I could not be more thankful.

How do you rank children?

This is a fabulous article about where we rank our children in this culture. Here is the link to the whole article, by Rachel Jankovic, that I strongly encourage you to read through completely.

Here is the first small bit:

Everywhere you go, people want to talk about your children. Why you shouldn't have had them, how you could have prevented them, and why they would never do what you have done. They want to make sure you know that you won’t be smiling anymore when they are teenagers. All this at the grocery store, in line, while your children listen.

A Rock-Bottom Job?
The truth is that years ago, before this generation of mothers was even born, our society decided where children rank in the list of important things. When abortion was legalized, we wrote it into law.

Children rank way below college. Below world travel for sure. Below the ability to go out at night at your leisure. Below honing your body at the gym. Below any job you may have or hope to get. In fact, children rate below your desire to sit around and pick your toes, if that is what you want to do. Below everything. Children are the last thing you should ever spend your time doing.

If you grew up in this culture, it is very hard to get a biblical perspective on motherhood, to think like a free Christian woman about your life, your children. How much have we listened to partial truths and half lies? Do we believe that we want children because there is some biological urge, or the phantom “baby itch”? Are we really in this because of cute little clothes and photo opportunities? Is motherhood a rock-bottom job for those who can’t do more, or those who are satisfied with drudgery? If so, what were we thinking?

How do you rank your children? or future children?

Seven!

Look at those cheeks!


At one wearing matching shirts that Jonah's mom made for Jonah and HIS dad when Jonah was a baby.





LOVE that smile.


How has he gotten so big already? I remember clearly the day this picture was taken, 5 years ago.











He is such a goof ball.

Happy Birthday Malakai James! We are so happy that you are our son and are proud of the boy you've become.

Finger coils

I had forgotten how much easier finger coils are than double strand twists. This took me all of an hour and 15 minutes. Canaan sat straight through in his high chair eating snacks and watching the movie the big kids were. I was very surprised. He started fussing on my last row and it got finished quickly. Yeah!

Yet another miracle

Some of you long time blog stalker's may remember my brother, Kelly's, story. He is a walking miracle that survived a death sentence of a heart defect when he was born and went on to survive cancer as well. At his last body scan, he is still free of cancer, praise God. And, yes, God deserves ALL the glory.

If you would like to read my first 2 posts on that season and read more about his heart condition you can check out the links
here and here.

When he learned he had cancer, the doctor wanted to begin chemo right away and told him he needed to bank sperm because the chemo would make him sterile. This was something that was hard for me, as I know just too well the heartache of infertility and I didn't want my little brother and his sweet wife to have to face that as well as cancer.

Fast forward 2 1/2 years and he and his wife Laura are pregnant with no intervention at all. Miracle. Time and time again Kelly has defied the odds and proven that a doctor's words, no matter how horrible, are nothing for God. Our God is GOOD!

An adoption truth

Many people may think that adopting a child under 2 would be "easy" when it came to attachment. Many would figure the child could just roll with the punches. I have not found this to be true with Judah.

Judah had a very hard time coming home. It was easy for me to work on attachment with him because he, simply, would not let me put him down for a moment! In his short 14 months of life he had "lost" his birthmother and then his Nanny's at the orphanage and then, oh my, he was in the care of this strange "white Ma". How scary for him!

He couldn't understand what was happening to him the way Isaiah did. At least Isaiah could be told what was going to happen and knew on a 4 year old level what was going on. Judah was clueless. I can see that all he knew and loved and felt secure in was stripped from him over and over again.

It has been 4 years since he became our son and I can honestly say that I am finally seeing him set free a bit. He is becoming this funny, secure and loving little guy that he never was before. His hugs are no longer stiff and cold and he will allow me to hold him as long as I want without pulling away. 4 years later.

Adoptive parents, I encourage you to be patient with your kids who came to you young(not newborns) and work on attachment often. Hold them and cuddle them even if they don't want you to! Don't let the time thing discourage you either. Each child will have to come to the point of "peace" in their own time. For some, it's quickly. Others, not so much. Future adoptive parents, learn all you can about attachment! Don't think, "That won't happen to me/my child". Be prepared and be proactive about it!

I also implore you to get help if your child is having some serious attachment issues and acting out. Don't think it will just go away!

The concensus

Despite not being sure that everything would fit,



Despite an inflatable mattress that lost all it's air the first night,



despite never being warm at night(Jonah and I) and realizing we desperately need sleep pads and sleeping bags,



despite a child who woke up screaming and scared of bears every.single.night,



despite a baby who was teething and only wanted to nurse all night long,



despite a Mommy who got sick one night and was throwing up in the dark of the forest and then tromping to the out house WITH a teething, crying baby strapped to her back,



despite said Mommy deciding to drive the hour home the following night to sleep in her own bed and recover and then driving back the next morning,



Despite the mountains of laundry we came home with that will take days to get caught up on.



despite so many more things that would try hard to make this trip a failure we had SO. MUCH. FUN!



Isaiah caught and reeled in his very first fish and it was a biggie!

We hiked up to a waterfall and the kids all dunked themselves in the snow melt water. Brrrr.


Isaiah, Sarah and Kai ate fish eye balls


Pop it in and suck it good. Mmmmm. (not)



We made banana boats in the fire, pita pizzas and ate 'mud and worms'.

We took family walks each night.



Jonah and I came to a new realization of just how much we enjoy our kids.

They are some truly, amazingly great and fabulous kids who make us laugh, work hard and are adventurous.



We swam and bathed in the lake.

We ate lots of sugar and goodies.



We have decided that we will make this trip a yearly tradition for the Winger household and the kids were very excited about that.



I must say that all my anxiety about this trip was for nothing. It was THE most fun I've had in a while with my husband and kids.

Invisible?

We are home from a very interesting, yet fun, camping trip.

Here's a funny from one night sitting around the fire.

The big kids were asking Jonah and I if they could go on a night walk in the dark without flashlights.

Isaiah says, "No one will be able to even see me cause I'm BLACK!"

The rest of the kids agreed with him, thinking that was pretty cool.

The craziness

I've come to realize that tent camping for a week with 7 young kids is not all it's cracked up to be. We haven't even left yet and I'm sitting here wondering what on earth I am doing. Our supply list is, literally, 5 pages long and that doesn't include all the clothes and bathroom items we need to pack. How in the world are we going to fit it all in anyways? Hahaha, this is going to be interesting.

One thing I've concluded? I'd really like to have one of those big buses like the Duggar's have to go camping in. Or, maybe just a trailer will do. Just having a refridgerator and a kitchen would be SO wonderful. Oh, and a toilet close by and without flies would be good too. And maybe a shower?

Honestly though, I'm looking forward to the quality time with my family and just relaxing without any of the "noise" from home. Too, living on the land and having really dirty kids at the end of each day has somewhat "toughened" me up. Two years ago and I would have been much worse about it all. Now, I'm kind of looking forward to it all. Kind of.