No longer.

Since this is the first post of the new year, shall make it a reflective one.

Between my last post and this, I've done 2 essays, gone off to italy for 2 weeks, rushed through 2 more assignments and a test. Nothing much happens in my life, really, that will be of interest to anyone.

It just occurred to me 2 nights ago, how much I have changed in the last 5 years. It is not only the obvious changes, of getting out of the SG education system, getting some work experience, going overseas. People always assume that changes are for the better, but I wonder whether that is the case for me. But this is not going to be a depressing post.

Strangely, I actually think I am more of a teenager now than I was 5 years ago. I am a lot less uptight about things (不计较得失), less obsessed with planning in advance (since there's not much point planning if you expect unexpected things to ruin it), much less a believer in those theories and school work and I don't worry about the repercussions of every decision made. Like a wilful, angsty teenager, I just want to take one step at a time and live life as I want to, never mind the results. Sometimes doing things on a whim makes me happy. People around me talk about CVs, career prospects, house and car. I think about being happy at work in the future and having enough to spend and travel around.
I used to worry about how people will perceive me based on what I read, do and listen. I no longer like to read non-fiction, the exception being travelogues and biographies. Give me a thriller novel any time now. The "me" five years ago explicitly refused to listen to a particular singer and band, thinking that they are just part of a fad and the product of endless marketing and advertising. Then, Linkin Park was playing nearly all the time in the train stations, bugging the hell out of me because I had no idea what they were singing. It was all noise. Now, it's top of my playlist for English songs. The other singer I refused to listen then, was Hacken Lee. It was a case of judging the book by its cover, the singer by his looks. His songs are heavenly, even though Canto makes sense to me 50% of the time and the other 50% I'm reading lyrics. He is also actually quite good looking, but he felt like a big poser with golden hair and all. Back then, I thought only posers colour their hair. I've since done it twice.

This song by Hacken is turning me into an environmentalist: <<花落谁家>>
铁塔以下青翠山岭 化作了石油站
铁塔以上一对鹦鹉 也要各自逃难
铁塔以下都市璀璨 根本不懂感叹
花瓣吹散 谁在乎谁著眼

听说发达只有兴建 盖够八十层吧
听说过活只有改变 变到再没童话
听说进步黑脸琵鹭 尽管牺牲一下
它一张脸 已给你记忆风化

当樱花迫於迁往悄静月球
天高海阔珍惜不够
雏菊都给安葬以后
换到繁荣谁来内疚
只许灯饰普照地球
不许花园开垦几亩
鲜花死了 至感慨爱得不够

这个四月相对乾燥 吻到有裂痕吧
这个八月天气很冷 再见快乐炎夏
圣诞晚上感到炎热 尽管灯饰优雅
当天飘雪 你可会有些牵挂

当樱花迫於迁往悄静月球
天高海阔珍惜不够
缤纷烟花闪照过后
望见层层浮云渐厚
开采山丘斩去木头
花开花落不可拯救
尽管拥有 怕一切变得罕有
(即使拥吻 怕空气已不足够)

But I'm sure environmentalism is probably a fad for me.

Minutes to Midnight

It's a relatively new album by Linkin Park, referring to the Doomsday Clock.
The world is 5 minutes away from its end, according to this particular calculation.
I felt 5 minutes away from blowing up at someone, but have kept quiet. Even pretended that nothing happened.
Have never believed I would like Linkin Park, or any rock band for the matter.
But these weeks, have been the noisier the better. The better to vent my frustration, the better to drown out the noise outside.
Of course it helps if the lyrics are meaningful at the same time.
Currently have a desire to get superwoofer speakers, but am refraining because moving it would be a disaster and back on campus, superwoofer speakers will get me in trouble.
The practical mind got me into this bind, and at the same time is preventing me from getting back.
The only way perhaps is to do as one of the songs in the album goes: "remember the best and leave all the rest behind." Too bad, I have to do this even before they die.

Stalker

Online stalkers are scary. Recently, I found out that a friend stalks me on facebook, reads my status and updates, which means he/she has an account, but refuses to let anyone read his/her profile and has added no one in our common circle of friends. And this person is not a random acquaintance, that kind that you have only met once or twice. Why pretend to be open but privately stalk people? Frankly, the idea of adding friends is so that it is a two-way thing.

The online world is dangerous. And please, stalker, cover your tracks.

How long is long?

30 years is a long time, longer than what I can possibly imagine. That is how long Alice has been with the company. Judy has been there for 33 years. They are the administrative staff, and are consistently the lowest in a never-ending hierarchy in which not everyone starts at the bottom.
A bond of 6 years already sound like an eternity. They definitely deserve more respect, for their experience and perseverance through all the good and bad times.

Weekend

Had a very happy weekend, the fact of going back to work tomorrow not withstanding. Met up with Xin en and Nicole yesterday. Despite not having eaten together for nearly a year, there was so much to talk about over fried seafood and italian dessert. It is a wonder how we can be so completely at ease with each other. Time apart has not had much effect, and the lunch (that stretched till dinnertime) left me feeling slightly nostalgic. These moments make me feel alive, happy and human.

Today, watched royston tan's 881. It is a nostalgic show for my parents, since it has a getai setting and is full of old hokkien songs. For me, it is another movie that attempts to incorporate elements of musical and is strange in its artsy handling of a very heartland theme. I love it for the friendship between the two main characters, 木瓜姐妹, and the passion they have for what they do. How many people can love what they do, to the extent of going ahead despite obstacles and society's perceptions and giving up their family, love and even their lives? And how many can find someone who would whole-heartedly share the journey and be a mutual source of strength even in their weakest moments?

One of the main songs:<< 一人一半>>

演唱： 伍家辉
词： 小寒 曲： 范俊福

一人一半 感情不散
一人一素故 感情才会久

时光累积 安静的泪滴
一心去追 爱那么可贵

这样的人 这样地等
无非是 等个回应眼神
为爱反滚 不及伤痕
甘心为你一身都浮沉

这样的人 别笑我蠢
傻傻的 心痛也不觉疼
就算天冷 就算难残忍
等你想起这没用的人

一人一半 感情不散
已经找到爱 为何要离开

已经找到爱 为何要离开