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profile GWYNETH
Isabella Gertrude Low credits you can remove this if you don't have a conscience. i assure you i will not hunt you down. skin by: Jane |
Friday, October 19, 2018 @ 8:45 PM
hate but love I really hate that i love you. so much that im so blinded by everything so much that im giving you every single piece of me. every fucking thing. you're my first, first everything. i would drop everything in an instant just for you. i know this shouldnt be it, you'll never ever take a fucking look at me, you'll never ever consider my feelings. 'why you cry?' 'why are you so sticky?' 'why do you not like it when i say_____?' it just clearly shows that, you never ever listen to a word i say. you've never bothered about me im just someone to satisfy your needs, a convenient, and fucking stupid person that would do anything you ask for, just cause i want to keep you so badly. just because i want you so badly. I pray, so hard, that one day, you'll take a look at me. just a look. and actually consider my feelings. and not just yours. put yourself in my shoes, then maybe you'll understand why im behaving this way. 'we're just friends.' 'just feel that maybe we should make it clear' AFTER ALL THAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME? just friends. just. friends. you have no idea how hurtful those 2 words are to me. no fucking idea. everytime you talk about your house, every time you meet her to go back home tgt, and HAVE to choose to go back with us, when i clearly told you that i am not comfortable. i die a little everytime. all of that, shows that you really dont give a shit about me. I know that. i know it all... but still.. i cant let you go, no matter how hard i try. it sucks. death by you Sunday, June 24, 2018 @ 10:11 PM
reflection Things has been really really hard recently. and when im drowning, i held on to this person that is the closest. my float, my home, my bi feng gang. And it shouldnt be this way, somewhere along the way, lines got blurred. you wavered. i started expecting more out from you. having you wavered, had me starting to think, starting to feel, starting to want. but what's the point of me wanting? you never wanted to leave for me. you never intended to give me anything I was just a convenient person for you to have. maybe you really do like me. maybe you're just confused like how i am the whole world has been telling me to stay away everyone has been telling me that this is toxic everyone has been saying that you're not worth it. and you know what's the fucked up thing? I know it all. I know i am just a spare for you to escape I know i am nothing more than just a person that will meet you at a short notice I know that i am nothing to you I know all of it but I chose to stay I chose to be that person for you. I chose to wait for you, someone that will never ever be mine. I still chose you. I still want to be that person for you. and i still choose to play with fire and you are too. But at the end of the day, im the only person that will get burnt. because after all, you have someone else to fall back on and i have nothing. 傻 只能说我输了 败给你 我的 小狗 Thursday, March 8, 2018 @ 12:32 AM
我要把你戒掉 我要把你戒掉；
坐在我前面的；
很近，但不是我的；
像、家，
但不属于我的；
很舒服的味道，
很温软的怀抱；
但，不属于我。
我要把你戒掉。
一定要把你戒掉。
不要玩了
真的
不要玩了。
Sunday, August 27, 2017 @ 12:06 PM
Sometimes, its better just to let it go.
You can't control people. You can't control life.
It's hard as it is. My life is a big struggle right now and people that i have been counting on has left me out there.
Left me stranded.
I need to stop being so attached to people
It's unhealthy
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Went back and read about said in 2016.
Ultimate- people that made me feel so strongly to play for, are not even around anymore
What's left and what's there to work for now?
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I've been really quite sucidal lately and it scares me.
Maybe if i walk out right now, and a car is actually speeding in my direction, i might not move away.
Sunday, February 26, 2017 @ 1:58 AM
2017 Well. 2017 has been bad. Fell sick from the very first day of 2017 and have been on a sick streak since. the amount of money ive spent on medical bills.... FAK Flying off tmr night. and i really hate the feeling of uncertainties. Im not even looking forward to the trip at all. I really hate this feeling. -- Friday, December 23, 2016 @ 2:17 AM
2016 so, 2016 has been quite crazy. new experiences, stepping out of comfort zones, pushing boundaries. Pretty proud of what I've accomplished to be very honest. School school school. School has been crazy, but weew, so glad that I've finally reached the half way point of my (probably) final stretch of education?? Never had i studied so hard before in my life. Met pretty wonderful people and I'm really glad to have them. AND YAY TO FINALLY HAVING A LONG BREAK???? finally having the space to breathe. SSO2016. A break through for myself. I would say im an introvert (tho people kept saying dont lie, but really guys) it wasnt easy for me to suddenly lead a group of people. But i would say it was a good decision. I've made many new people there. People that pushes me to do things that i wouldnt dare to usually. People like JY- always asking me to step out of my comfort zone, and the usual group that dragged me into 4/5 of HHN haunted houses (???? mega proud of myself???). SSO has also gotten me closer to people that i werent initially, like xinhui, we hardly talk despite being coursemates (okay la, maybe same time table got us closer too-- the kena pangseh by clique clique), QH--the asshole teammate that is srsly quite a big burden, but great to have around.  Ultimate. I'm really really glad that I did stay on in ultimate. It is physically draining and requires alot of discipline and mental strength, but im really happy in there. The people i met there, are the ones that really pushed me on to make myself better, to fight. For one point, i was really stressed out over being in ulty. that spark, that fire was just going down. It was the first time i wanted something so badly, something that i feel so much about. I'm not a player that is super passionate about the sport. SITultimate has taught me that, it's not about the game, it's always about the people. The people inside made me feel so strongly about the game, so strongly that i have to do well. special thanks to Daphne (like best mentor award goes to her srsly??), Gordon, Roger, Ave, Zeh, Sarah, Adam, Alicia, Ahma, Jervis, Farhana, Brenda etc. These people gave me the drive, pushed me to make myself a more trustworthy player on field. It's also ultimate that lead me to meeting my Cupids (+extended cupids) E, WY, YQ,GGINA,HW,JK,SE,L++++ Special thanks to L for letting me be your perm car slut (for now) and for always absorbing my angst (HHAHAA XIEXIE). -- 只要你相信，就一定会达到 相信，我是最强的 It doesnt matter what other people say, what others think. As long as you believe, and sometimes with a little bit of luck, you'll get there. -- 2016 has also taught me that, not everyone that comes into your life is meant to stay. I would say i ended a pretty toxic friendship with B. I thought that it might have been a rash decision on my part, but surprisingly, i felt relieved. I never realised how toxic this friendship was. throughout, I was always the one giving, always the one being there. and i was also always the one left hanging, thinking what went wrong because you werent replying. I've always felt that, being close, we could just speak our minds. I guess not. It wasnt even an intentional thing. (if you read this), That day i mentioned you looked short in your paegent photo, i mean honestly, we both know that you're shorter that the others, but really, shouldnt you be pissed with the photographer that made you stand and photograph in accordance to height (which fyi made you look muchmuch shorter?) or making you stand in the center and not even try to make the arrangement such that you looked similar in height with the others? Was i wrong? did i go over board?? I knew you for 7 freaking years. if you were affected with it, you should have voiced it out long ago. I told you things that i didnt like straight in your face before. why couldnt you do the same for me? If you valued this even 1 bit, you would have talked to me about it, if not, how was i supposed to know? i dont read minds??? Disappointed, but im glad i wouldnt have to live being affected by and guessing your moods. -- Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what is still possible for you to do. --Pope John XXIII |