Dear Ava,

*** The next three posts are letters to my brood.  None of the photos are edited because of a recent computer crash, I haven't gotten around to doing any editing nor the motivation to do so.  Also, because of our computer issues, I had a few moments of panic when I thought I had lost all of our photos from Sterling's birth to the present day.  Thankfully, mercifully, we still have them all.  So instead of telling myself that "I'll put my photos up on my blog once they're all edited", I'm throwing them up right now as is.  That's my cautionary tale of would-be woe for ya.***




My First Born precious Ava,

Life has really changed recently, hasn't it?  Despite telling you this every day, I want to write you and remind you how much I love you.  I hope memories of your childhood involve a lot of hugs and I Love You's from your family, if not... we have failed.  Ava, you are fabulous!!  I can't tell you how many times your Dad and I have commented on how much we love having such a fun, spunky, sweet and outgoing daughter.  You have this amazing ability to become friends with just about anyone, and trust me, you've tried to become friends with EVERYONE you encounter.  Being friendly and warm are two character traits that don't come very easily to some people, but with you... it's your nature.  There are many times when I'm frustrated or feeling a bit blue and you're always quick to understand that my emotions are not quite right.  I'll always remember how kind and sweet you were during all of those months I was sick while pregnant with Sterling... patting my back and holding my hair (well, trying to) as I was bent over the toilet vomiting!  In church and at home, we talk a lot about Choosing the Right and being obedient.  You're understanding both of those concepts very well.

As a big sister, you're the VERY BEST.  I admit, I felt nervous about having a baby come into our lives after 4 years of you having 100% of our attention.  What would happen?  How would you handle it?  Would you be jealous or sad?  Would you be too rough? Would you love your little brother?  Oh how I regret spending so many nights worried over you.  You've slipped into the Big Sister role seamlessly.  You excel in giving him all the attention a little boy could ever want.  And your Dad and I are amazed with how nurturing and loving you are with baby Sterling.  We're so proud of you.  I love that you still beam with pride when I call you "My Helper" or "Best Sister".  I often say to you, "What would I do without you?".  It's true, you make having a new baby in the home so much easier when you take care of so many things for me.  Sterling is very lucky to have you to teach him things that others wouldn't be able to... like, how to deal when it's Make Up Time or how to not take it personally when he is getting dragged around by someone only a few pounds heavier than himself! :)

 

 

You're like a little Mama, it's just really fun to watch.  The other day I was watching you from the other room as you finished feeding Sterling his bottle and then tried to hoist his big round body up onto your chest and shoulder to burp him.  You were sitting on the couch, thankfully, and under his weight you slowly and with so much care, were forced to lay down on your back with him on top.  But you still burped him until he was satisfied.  You even spoke softly to him as you pat his back, "Heeey buddy.... that's alright.... goooood boooy.... feel better now?"   You didn't know I saw that.  

Even with your baby brother, you are still thriving.  We make sure you get to play with your friends as often as possible and it's very entertaining to watch you play pretend with dolls, the kitchen set, shopping, dress up, etc.  There's never a shortage of imagination with you girls!  As your mom and someone who values close friendships (I'm still close to the same friends I had when I was growing up and went to college... friendships are very valuable, Ava, be a good friend to others and you'll continue to gain good friends throughout your life) It makes me smile to see you create and sustain these relationships with others!

 

(courtesy of Rebecca H)

Yes, there are times where I get very tired of the tears and the tattling (yes... you are a tattle tail) but I think it's because I want for you to be a strong and independent woman one day.  But if I were to really stop myself and think for a moment before I scold you for bawling over something that I deem menial, I should remind myself that I don't WANT a strong and independent woman for a daughter RIGHT THIS SECOND... I can just let a sensitive four-year old be.  So, Ava, I'm learning and trying to become a better mom for you.  Thanks for being patient with me. 

You've brought us so much true happiness and your Dad and I always thank the Lord for such a wonderful daughter.

I love you so so so much. 

Love, Mom

Dear Sterling,

 

My sweet darling boy.  Our lives are complete now that you're here.  2 and a half months have just flown by now and we're trying to savor every second with you being our baby.  Sterling, you are incredible... we never could have dreamed up such a wonderful boy, you have surpassed our highest hopes.  From the very beginning you have been loved in an incredible way.  From your parents who have wanted you for a very long time to your amazing big sister, Ava, who dotes on you and your every need.

Let me just remind you of these first couple of months you've been ours (you may not remember what your life was like at the ripe old age of 10 weeks! :) )

First and foremost... you're an amazing sleeper.... so far!  We're still grateful every rested morning and never take your long, LONG naps for granted.  Most nights you wake up 2 times to quickly down a few ounces of milk before you pass out again.  On those particularly "rough" nights you're up 3 times.  Never any more than that.  Your Dad and I have a system that works great so we both only get up once a night.  So, from your appreciative parents, THANK YOU... being sleep deprived would have made this transition back into infancy much harder for us.

Speaking of "back to infancy", admittedly, I was quite a nervous, anxious wreck before you were born.  I spent many sleepless nights worried about how our lives will change with an infant again.  Mind you, it's been 4 long years since we've done the baby thing and I practically forgot everything a new mom needs to know-- so I felt like I was starting over back at ground zero here.  And it worried me.  I wasn't the most graceful or composed new mom when Ava was born.  In fact, that's the understatement of the century... I was a mess!!!  Overwhelmed, scared, confused.... I felt like I was doing everything wrong.  But with you.... I feel like the combination of experience (as VERY little as I have) and your easy going and calm (sleepy) nature has provided me with a major tender mercy from heaven.  By no means am I "graceful or composed", as I type this in my stinky workout clothes and my hair not washed for two days, but life just moves at a pace that I can keep up with and enjoy now!  I feel true joy and such peace this time around.  We all feel so much happiness in our home and I want to thank you for bringing us all closer together as a family.

You still have your fussy moments, of course... you're a baby!  But I'll just say this... even your cry is pretty cute.  Sorry for the times we let you cry a few moments longer while we smile at you and comment on how "your cry is adorable".  I'm sure our attitude about this will change soon... when you get louder and more insistent... but for now, we'll smile.

 

Oh and your chubby cheeks, rolls a-plenty and multiple chins are incredibly charming!!  You're squishy and floppy and gooey and round.  We LOVE that!!!!  Even though you're a whopping 14 pounds right now, I still call you our "Runt" since Ava had you beat when she was your age.  Hard to imagine when you look at all your soft yumminess.

 

A few weeks ago we went to Utah for Uncle Audi and Lindsay's beautiful wedding.

 

(shadetree photography)

While we were there, you were blessed by your Dad with your Grandpa Aaron and Papa Wilson in the circle.  What an amazing experience for us.  I loved the Spirit we felt in your Uncle Rico's home and the intimacy of our families only being in attendance.  Your Dad gave a beautiful blessing, full of love and hope for your future.

 

 

In conclusion, my dear Sterling boy, we love you.  We do.  Our family feels right now.  Thank you for your patience with us and for the utter bliss you've provided us with.

Love, Mom

Dear Taylor.

Wow.  What can I say that conveys my love and adoration for you in a way that 1) isn't a novel-length post and, 2) doesn't send you and the general public into a massive barf-fest (due to gooey-ness)?

I have a couple of reasons why I'm writing these letters to you and the kids.  Mainly because I want us to remember this time in our lives and writing my feelings down in letter form seems to be the easiest way.  But also because one of our friends, Crystal C., mentioned a blog that she's been following: http://www.dennyandwendy.blogspot.com/
I read it and cried so hard.  It's just a normal family who's lives have been utterly changed with the death of this man's young wife and the mother of their three (almost 4) young children.  After I read it, you did too (I love that about you, by the way... things that affect me so strongly, you won't hesitate to see why instead of rolling your eyes and chalking it up to hormones!)  And while you read it, you also shed some tears.  It was just incredibly touching.  Since that afternoon, I've noticed we've been even more huggy and quick to say I Love You to each other and the kids.  I don't think that we've ever really lagged in those areas before, but now we say them with even more conviction and love.

So, that being said, my dear Wilson.  I love you.

Thank you for everything: the late night feedings, the back rubs, the long talks, your patience, taking care of bathtime and bedtime routines EVERY NIGHT without even thinking twice.  Thank you for your worthiness and your continued efforts to become a better man always.  Thank you for being the best CTR 5 teaching companion ever and making class fun while setting a good example.  Thank you for laughing with me every single day.  Thank you for working so hard for our family, I take great pride in your work ethic and hope our kids follow in your shoes.  Thank you for giving me Me-Time often and insisting that I take it, you're the reason I feel sane most days.  But you also Drive me INSANE sometimes too.... like when you won't pick where we go out to eat or refuse to screw lids back on all the way, creating chaos for me when I go to pick up the jar of jam or whatnot or insist that swerving the car to try and hit cats will just "teach them a lesson in not using the crosswalks".  I guess now that I think about it... we're not suffering at all if those are the things that drive me crazy.  Mostly.... thank you for treating me like gold. 

You're an amazing Dad.  I truly wouldn't want to be a Mom without you... I shudder to think of how life would be if you weren't YOU to our children.  You play and cuddle and dote and discipline and teach.  I love that you won't hesitate to take a fussing baby out of my arms when you see that I'm getting no where.  I love that you play Polly Pockets with Ava, always being "Prince Charming" and using silly voices to teach her how a True Prince should treat young women.  When I feel like my patience is running low with our very sensitive and cry-prone daughter, you remind me (at the appropriate times) that we'd rather have a little girl who is sensitive towards the feelings of others and has a genuinely sweet disposition rather than a bully.  Thank you for reminding me of this.

I love you.  I love US.

Yours always,
 K