The Last Paper

Wow, haven't blog for a looonnnngggg time. After not blogging for a long time, the sensation of blogging feels..... unfamiliar yet nostalgic. Finally have some time to blog, not that this chapter of my life is coming to an end.

The past few months have been crazy. "Hectic" doesn't capture the fact that I had to juggle 5 major commitments over the past 2-3 months-- preparing for A-levels, Dans Fest' 09, O School Recital' 09, giving tuition, and applying for US universities. I'm just so glad that my tuition job is over and A-levels are ending soon.

Dans Fest' 09 was totally nothing short of an awesome experience. It is rare opportunity to perform at the Esplanade, moreover, with a total of 30 ppl in Ahmad's item.
I made some good friends over the course of 2 months. It was totally fun to perform in front of so many ppl! I kinda miss the rehearsals, the late night suppers, the jokes, the dancing and everything. I hope we can be together again for Danzpeople recital next year.

I admit that there are times when I am being very moody and stressed over other stuff. Going for late night practices from 9.30pm to 11.30pm when there's a Prelim the next morning is kinda crazy. Ok, fine, very crazy. Oh yeah, did I mention that I was infected with H1n1 by Ahmad a few days before the start of Prelims? I was knocked out cold during the week that I was down with the Swine Flu. Couldn't study, couldn't dance, couldn't do anything. Not surprisingly, I didn't do well for Prelims, which resulted in a very stressful 2 months just before the A-Levels.

Imagine having a daily routine that goes like this: Wake up at 7am, go to school for lessons, remedials and consultation in the afternoon, study during the evening, then dance prac at night from 9 to 11; rinse and repeat. That has got to be the most stressful period EVER. I also have alot of pressure from my teachers adding on to the pressure from the upcoming dance performance. The phone calls from my parents didn't really help either. When I'm stressed, I get moody very easily, and I would seriously snap at other ppl if I'm annoyed. Sometimes, I just feel like screaming out loud. I'm just so glad that it's all over now.

So I also had OSchool Recital Prac on Monday nights. I know I said I was disappointed at first, but now I'm really glad I'm in Alex's item. I like how bonded our group is. It's probably even more bonded than Ahmad's item, which is already quite bonded. And Alex's choice of songs so far have been.....unconventional, to say the least. Definitely not the usual Hip Hop songs. And the choreo has been creative so far. So you just have to come and watch to find out, which brings me to my next point---

O School Recital'09 Tickets ARE OUT!!!!
Date: 13 December, Sunday
Time: 7.30pm
Venue: Republic Poly
Ticket Prices: 15, 20, 35

Come and support if you are able to! I guarantee you that this year's recital will be a blast! So far the vetting has been ok. Other groups are putting up very good performances so far. But I can't believe I actually danced during the vetting on the day before the start of A-levels.

As for the A levels itself, I have to say this year's papers are, without a doubt, harder than the past years'. Apparently, Cambridge suddenly have this fetish of making student study their ass off, then only test half of the required syllabus, then flush the other half of the syllabus into a dark hole, which is not unlike their assholes. C'mon, how could you NOT test plate tectonices for Geog!!!!???? That's like NOT testing macroeconomic policies for Econs (which actually happened)!!!! Or NOT testing Electrochemistry for Chem(no prizes for guessing whether it happened)!!!! Well done, British people. Your neglect of major topics really borders on obscenity.

But so far, I think I'll probably do ok for Math. And also Chem, provided I do ok for the last Chem MCQ paper. I feel mixed about Geog though; physical geog was......... weird; human geog was much easier. So I'm not really sure about Geog. But as for Econs, Cambridge can go fuck themselves, seriously. You guys should look at the kind of questions they set for essays. If I knew it would have been the case, I wouldn't boter studying for Econs, because everyone is gonna fail as badly no matter how much they study. GP was errr......i dunno what to say. LOL.

Anyway, got to go. O School Recital vetting tomorrow. Yes, in case you're wondering, I have Chem MCQ the next day. But you can't really study for MCQ anyway.

The Unplanned Update

Really didn't plan to blog at all, but there's a sudden urge to blog all at this time, when I really should be sleeping.

Well, the past few days has been................nothing short of mental and physical fatigue.

It started with the first Prelim paper -- General Paper. I don't exactly dread it, but I am not looking at possible screwed-upness with rose-tinted glasses either. I think the composition wasn't as hard as I would expect, but it wasn't great. While technically I finished the paper, but frankly speaking, I didn't really finished the paper. I knew I could have written much more if I didn't procrastinate so much at the start. And the compre wasn't rocket science too, IMO. But that's just me speaking, and I could totally get shitty marks if it turns out bad.

Had lunch with some of my classmates after the paper. The guys in my class wants to go for a graduation trip to Taiwan after A-Levels. I really want to go, but I have recital coming up, not to mention where I would get the money to go. Sigh.

But the emotional rollercoaster started when my father called after lunch. I knew from his tone that something was severlely wrong. And then, the stomach-wrenching news came--

My great-grandmother has passed away.

According to him, she passed away the day before, which is Thursday. I could have rushed back for the ceremonial funeral if I knew right from the start, which is expected of the eldest (in rank) of each generation (yes, my grandfather is the eldest son, my father is his eldest son, and I'm the eldest son), but all my elders want me to stay back for Prelims. I was feeling kind of guilty because while my family is mourning at the funeral, I'm mugging away and dancing.

But I guess my presence wouldn't change a thing even if I went back. The only thing that's going to change if I went back is my already-stressed-up-and-fragile-state-of-mind and my Prelim results. That's not to say I don't miss my great-grandmother. She was an insprirational person with an amazing background, something which I'm sure I will document on this very blog in the future. Without her sacrifices, my family and me wouldn't be where we are now, which might or might not be a good thing.

Thankfully, I went to dance that night. Ahmad's class, as usual. Really took my mind off the stress and the untimely death. Really felt the song during the lesson, which is a great feeling.

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Saturday was mediocre. I basically slacked the whole day away. Didn't do much either. Was taking a break from the intensive revision and the "unfolding drama" around me.

It kept raining, in streaks of grey.

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Sunday was a better day. Gave tuition in the morning before rushing off to Ahmad's class (in case you're wondering, this would be one of the last open classes I'll go from now onwards). Surprisingly few people went for his class that day. There were only like 6 out of his usual 20-30 ppl. Probably everyone is worn out from Suntec Dance the day before.

Revised econs after the lesson. Had dinner with Francis. A little note to dancers out there -- apparently, Francis was Ryan Tan's senior!!!

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Today morning was crappy. Was feeling tired from Sunday activities. And the MOE briefing was utterly boring. But I was rather delighted to meet Valencia there! What a coincidence! I had this feeling that I'll meet here there (kinda like "deja vu"), but I wasn't expecting it to happen. Was glad to meet a fellow dancer there.

Went to Junction 8 with the other Malaysian Scholars. It doesn't take a psychologist to see that there's this distance between me and them. Basically, eveyone there lead so different lives ( I mean those that actually DO have a life, ahem). Some spent their focus to become someone's dog. wait. scrap that.have a girlfriend; some just mug their life away (notice the pun). I'm kinda glad I sit at different tables with them, because I really don't have things to talk to them about. I am especially distinct from that group because we don't share any similar interests at all. And I hate hanging out with some of the hypocrites there. Good luck to those people, coz they're going to need it next time.

Went to walk around with my roommate after that. Haven't been to Junction 8 in ages! They have renovated some parts of it. It was quite nice actually. And the Addidas store there had a stock clearance sale!!! I got a T-shirt and basketball shorts for 35 each!!! Whoo! What a bargain! finally bought something to add to my limited dance outfits!!! Lol.

Read Microeconomics at night. I think I can finish up econs revision by tomorrow and get started on human geog. Hopefully can finish Math and Human Geog by this week. And have to do last minute revisions for Chem too!

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I'll be performing for Singapore Dance Fest' 09!!! Whoo! Training starts tomorrow afternoon and it's once per week (for me, at least)! Yes, that means I'm preparing for 2 dance concerts THROUGHOUT Prelims. Including recital prac, which starts 2 weeks from now, I'll be dancing twice per week. I'm going to stop going for open classes soon and just focus on studies and the performances. So far I'm still doing ok, I think (ok, fine, more like I hope). Hopefully I can get good results for Prelims while preparing for the performances. I'm gonna need these performances to boost my portfolio.

And I've also met up with Nik, Huixian, and Brian last Tuesday. We went to O School to check the audition results. I got into Alex's item. To be honest, I was kinda disappointed. The disappointment must have shown on my face because Gin, one of the instructors, saw me and asked me whether I'm disappointed.

It's not that Alex is not "good enough" or something like that. All the instructors there are good at what they do. It's just a matter of preferrence. I just prefer Ryan's style. I really wanted to get into Ryan's item because I figured this would probably be my last time joining the recital if I manage to go overseas in the future. But I guess it's still ok that I'm in Alex's item, because at least he's still doing lyrical hip hop, and he's good.

We went for dinner afterthat. And also, we walked like 15 fifteen minutes just to get to buy goreng pisang (which is fried bananas in English, you know, for the "multicultural" Singaporeans out there who can't seem to understand Malay, for reasons that slip by me). The stall was closed and we had to settle for Mr.Bean, when there was a Mr.Bean outlet near O School. Brian, Brian, Brian. But at least I enjoyed the conversations and the time we spent. Somehow I am able to open myself up to them, unlike when I'm with other groups of people. Looking forward to be performing with them during recital!

So I think I'll stop at here for now. Gotta go sleep. Yawn.

All the best, everyone!

Beyond The Horizon

Hey there, stranger! You have a moment?

Come here, you can sit right next to me.

Can you see the sunset over the horizon?
Can you smell the salt in the air?
Can you feel the breeze of the ocean, brushing through your cheeks?
So tell me, stranger, what do you see?

Because all I can see is the dark clouds hanging
Blown closer and closer to the edge of the cliff we're sitting on

It will be soon before the hurricane hits
Amidst the strong gales and thunder
I hope I'll still have the time to enjoy
The feeling of raindrops rinsing my body

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Yeah, it's been awhile. Been getting so so busy and stressed up over stuff.

So what have I been up to for the past month?

The most obvious one is ,of course, studying for the upcoming Prelims. Been so freaking stressed over studies. I mean, I didn't go spectacularly well for block tests, did I? I really, really hope I am able to do well for Prelims and A-Levels, because I don't want to let my teachers, friends, parents and most importantly, myself, down. I believe most people are able to do well in their studies, and it's up to themselves to get the distinctions. So it's really up to me to get the 4As that I coveted for such a long time.

Other than that, I've been giving tuition for close to 2 months already. It's nice to have a supplement income to finance my expenses and dance. But I'm might consider to stop giving tuition because it's actually quite taxing, even though it's only once per week.

Been going for Ahmad's classes also. You guys can check out his videos on Facebook or Youtube. They are really damn dope. Here's some of them:



This one is one of my favourite choreos to dance to. Super-duper hard but super-duper fun. Hope you guys like it! It's "Geek In The Pink" by Jason Mraz.



This is another one that I liked too. A choreo to "Before It Began" by George Nozuka. Trust me, this is not as easy as it looks. Haha.

Also went for Ryan's classes. I'll let the vids do the talking, so here goes:





This one is a killer piece! And I can't do double spins! =( ARGH! But anyway, it was a very expressive piece and very contemp-like.

Moving on.....

I ALSO GOT INTO O SCHOOL RECITAL 2009!!! WHOO!!!

Congrats to all those that got in! Looking at the list, I am so EXCITED to be performing with so many of my dance friends from O School. My whole dance gang (Nik, Diana, Ie Ching, Huixian, Freddie, Brian) got in! Dope people like Luqman, Jeremy, Joey and Benjamin got in! And some of my coursemates like Jan, Andy and Theresa got in too! I can tell this is going to be a fun and memorable experience. This year's recital will be BIGGER and BETTER!

On the other hand, I do feel sad for people like Felicia and Nicholas because I think they deserved to get in. Ah well, I hope don't fret over it and be sad for too long. There's always another chance.I understand how they feel because I didn't pass the auditions last year too. But I managed to get the chance to perform because Daniel was nice enough to accomodate me. I guess they weren't so lucky.....

Jus got off the phone from talking with Nic.Tay and Ahmad. Basically, Ahmad asked a bunch of his students to perform for Dance Fest' 09 @ Esplanade, which is going to be held on October 25. I really, really, really want to join, but the training is twice per week, on Tuesday and Thursday nights. I'm fucking afraid that this will screw up my Prelims and most worrysomely, my A-levels. At the same time, I really need this to boost my portfolio, which is devoid of any internal CCA. ARGH!!! I need to give Ahmad a definite answer by tomorrow, latest. Sigh.

If I do take this up, I'll probably stop going for any open classes anymore. Still, I'll be dancing 3 nights per week, which means I need to study like hell during the morning and afternoon. Plus I have once per week tuition. Which means I probably won't have anymore free time. Do I want to be in this future? I wonder if I'm screwing myself in the ass.

If only I could see what's beyond the horizon.

The Inspirational Teacher

Just came back from the High School section after speaking with Ms Esther Cheong, one of my favourite teachers from the High School section.

Since school ends amazingly early for Tuesdays, I head over to High School canteen to eat. I went to the High School library, thought of doing some revision for Math. When I got there, I saw Ms Cheong.

Ms Esther Cheong was always one of my favourite teachers of all times. True, she was what people would say........a little on the plump side. But beyond that, she is a very inspirational person. Honest, caring, and always not afraid to air her views. In fact, she's one of the loudest teachers around. She was my Geography and Social Studies teacher in Sec 4, and she was nothing short of inspirational. I heard alot of so-called "horror stories" when I was younger, stories where soccer balls were confiscated upon sight, or stories of being scolded by her sharp tongue.

When she stepped into the 4Q classroom on the first day of school, she was a different person. Her mother was suffering the terminal stage of cancer, and Ms Cheong was changed. She became calmer. She likes to share her life stories during her lessons, and that's why I like them. I treat is as a some sort of "life lessons", instead of the usual Geography and Social Studies lessons.

I remembered visitting her home twice: once during a gathering with her other relatives; another time when her mum passed away. I remembered the few times when we went for karaoke sessions with the other classmates. And gosh, she can sing! She sings ten times better than Brandon, I swear.

But I realized that even the most inspirational people have times when they're down. As we updated each other on our lives, she told me that she was suffering from diabetes and had lost quite a lot of weight as a result. This was on top of the other medical complications she has, even though she didn't tell me. The most shocking thing was I found out that she had been having suicidal thoughts in the past. Not exactly what one might hear from an inspirational person.

As we were chatting away in the library -- not surprisingly, we were the ones making the most noise -- we chatted about our troubles and what's going on with our lives. We talked about A-levels, my plans for the future, how much Christianity mean to her, her future plans, office politics.........basically, we talked about alot of stuff within that hour.

"Wilfred, you know why some of teachers hate me? Coz they say I'm over-confident. The truth is, I am filled with little insecurities."

"Then I guess we have the same problem."

"Oh, really?", she asked.

"Yeah. People say that about me too. I'm too confident, too sure of myself, too egoistic etc.... But I have alot of doubts about myself that I don't even know myself sometimes."

"What matters is as long as you have a good conscience, then you'll do fine."

"Then why are you so hard on yourself?" I asked.

"What do you mean by why? I have always been hard on myself" , she scoffed.

I guess the people who always look confident might not be confident. When I told her the actual reason I was placed in 3Q/4Q, she told me something that really struck me:

"You'll do fine, Wilfred. You always seem like you're happy. I'm sure you'll do okay."

I got quite a surprise, really. I didn't know what she would think of me as being a joyous person. And the amount of trust and confidence she had in me was really unexpected too.

It was nearing one o'clock and she had to leave for class.

"You know, Ms Cheong, you always scare the wits out of the younger sec students. Confiscating their soccer balls and basketballs and everything."

"I know." Then she gave a gleeful smile, turned around and let out a loud laugh before heading through the library exit.

She might not have known it, but she gave me the strength and determination to face the challenges ahead. I hope she will live joyously in times to come.

It's Back Again!

Attention, all dancers! The one big event that you have been waiting for is coming. Feast your eyes on this:


Yes, I know I already mentioned this on my post yesterday. But good news is worth spreading! Just thinking about it makes me remember all the fun times I had last year. I hope this year will be better. If it weren't for A-levels, I would have tried out for popping too. My only worry is whether I can manage my time well.

Btw, all dancers can only audition for UP TO 2 genres. Hip hop/LA/Lyrical Hip hop all considered under one genre.

Anyways, hope to see you guys on the audition day!

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Had a great day today. A break from the shitty week I had.

I actually started my revision proper this afternoon. Went for Ahmad's beginner class afterwards. I realized mugging + dance later = braindead. Remember the formula, guys. My mind went blank towards the end of the open class.

Had dinner with Ahmad then hanged out at Danzpeople after that. Meanwhile, the instructors was having their own practice. I continued revising Chem at the lobby, then went to use the small studio when I was done with the revision. Ahmad told me I can use the studio when I want to! Cool right? Just that I have to inform him beforehand. I like the studio man. Looks like I have found a new practice spot now that PE studio is used as the "quarantine room".

Oh yeah, btw, Ie Ching pang-seh-ed me AGAIN! Nevermind.

I want to apologize to Diana for not going to watch What The Funk Vol. 7. She got into top 8 AGAIN!!! Wow, I'm damn impressed by her improvement. If I don't practice hard, I'll lag behind like crazy. But how am I suppose to practice hard now that A-levels are so near T.T.

Had a long chat with Diana through the phone. It was nice talking to her again. I jokingly said we should form a crew next time, but she seriously replied "yeah". Lol. We must see how first man. But I like the idea though. Heh. Eh, We should really have more conversations through the phone next time. =D

Looking forward to dinner with Nik, Brian and Huixian on Monday night.

So............Tomorrow will be more intensive revision + dancing. Hope it will be the start of a better week.

The Man In The Mirror

I had a really shitty week.

Part of it is due to my own fault. Didn't study much for Block Test II, so now I'm feeling the consequence of it. Shitty effort equates to shitty results. My parents are probably going to have a heart attack when they see the result slip. Not the most pretty sight on Earth. Now I'm really stressed up about Prelims, which is coming in about 5 weeks. I lost my focus for Block Test, but I swear I'll give it my all for Prelims and A-Levels.

I took 2 hours to sit down and list all the topics for each subject and organizing my schedule. Then I realized that 5 weeks is barely enough. 24 hours seems very short right now. The problem is compounded by the fact that all the teachers are spamming revision work, tutorials, consultations and whatsoever. I'm pretty sure Ms Ooi will give me a timetable and list my study plan for her again, as if I don't know how to do it myself. It's really intellectually quite insulting.

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By the way, there was no flag raising for these few weeks. Just when I thought the school finally see the uselessness of the propaganda, they decided to bring it back again. And these few weeks have been kinda retarded and fucking irritating. Since there's no flag raising, one might think that it's natural to reach school later, after all, the pointless propaganda they call "flag raising" was gone.

But NO, they want us to reach school the same fucking time!

It must be the idea of some smart-ass sitting in the office. Give us students a break, will you? We are all going through a rough time, and you HAD to make us wake up early, don't you. I don't see polytechnics have flag raising and universities having flag raising everyday. Do you? You and your stupid traditions and propaganda. How is the school supposed to adapt to modern culture when it still adheres to rigid traditions? Change is needed to evolve and survive. No wonder more and more smart students choose to go to polytechnics nowadays. No uniforms, no fucking flag raising, no hair check etc. I'm sorry, HCI, but this is the sad truth. The rules suck. Big time.

As a result of the whole situation, students are playing hide-and-seek with the teachers every morning. More so, now that we still need to come to school early even though there's no flag raising. It's really quite pathetic. Teachers had to be stationed at certain entrances to catch students, while students are searching for shortcuts and secret passages to avoid detection. It's almost as though the teachers had nothing better to do.

Have fun playing your cat-and-mouse games, but you'll never catch us.

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Amidst all the busyness, O School Recital is back! The auditions falls on 23rd August, which is coincidentally the same day as my younger bro's birthday. I realized I kinda need to get in to fill my portfolio. At the same time, I'm kinda worried about all the rehearsals affecting my studies. But I managed to do well for Promos last year through the weekly rehearsals, and I guess I'll have to do the same this year, assuming I got in the recital again. I really really hope I could get into LA/Lyrical Hip Hop this year.

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But the thing that made my week shitty was when I found out that there were "friends" spreading bad news about me behind my back. This is what I consider the ultimate betrayal of friendship.

Imagine people that you have known for so long spreading rumors and making fun of you behind your back. I totally had no idea of it since they act so nicely in front of me. But now that the cat's out of the bag, I see what they really are. Call me naive, but I don't badmouth my friends behind their backs, and I expect them to do the same. If you guys have problems with me, then come and tell me straight in the face. Don't act like some fucking pussy, guys.

Not only I'm bothered by the act, I'm also bothered by the contents of what they say. I admit that I made mistakes in the past, and I'm really not proud of them. If you want to talk about those things, then fine, it's up to you since I really made those mistakes. But some of things you say don't even have a basis. Looks like you don't know me well at all, even though we had known each other for long.

The best part is that now that I know everything, I'm just taking my time and observe what kind of hypocrites they can be. I am really disappointed by the whole incident. The funniest part is actually they also backstabbed each other. Wow, they really are "close friends", aren't they? But I guess it doesn't really matter anymore. A few more months then we'll graduate. Don't expect me to keep in contact with some of you guys. It's not like we were really close friends anyway. I think I'll be using the blocking feature on Facebook after that.

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Anyway, I started going for Ryan's Lyrical Hip Hop class again since last week. This was the choreo used by him--



Hope you guys enjoyed watching the video as much as I enjoy dancing it. It was really a very nice choreo, and it's not easy too. Had a few mistakes here and they in the video.

And I'll be going for Ahmad's class with Ie Ching on Saturday evening!!! Haven't seen my favourite "bimbo" in a long time. Haha. Tomorrow will be the day we spent catching up!!! Yay!

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When the time runs deep into the wee hours, I would be thinking of you. Hope you'll do okay for your upcoming exams too. We may not have the chance to see each other often, but I hope you know that I'm always thinking of you.

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So, I guess I'll end here. I congratulate you if you actually managed to finish reading the long post. I also apologize that you had to read through my unpleasant rants.

Till then, may you reflect on the reflection in the mirror.

River Flows In You

Note: I guess "The Man In The Mirror" have to come later because I have a sudden, overwhelming desire to blog about other stuff right now.

Looking at the clock right now,
2 a.m. in the morning.
Yet,
I couldn't sleep.

When I close my eyes,
All I could picture of is you.
I turned from one side of the bed to the other,
Hoping that it was you right next to me.
But when I open my eyes,
All I see is --
Nothingness;
Just darkness of the night.

Fate.
Once an implausible idea.
The idea of arranged coincidence becomes real,
As I reminiscence about our time together.

I miss the late nights we spent;
I miss how you sip your coffee;
I miss the messages you sent;
I miss the smile on your face.

What could be a greater irony than this?
It's almost as though
Fate
Decided a divine comedy should be staged.

Now I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
Clear yet shrouded
Near yet far

"Even as the moon remained still,
The river still flows"
That's what you said,
Asking me to move on.
You are my perfect ending
But I don't want you to be anchored by me

So I'll make this loud and clear:

I'll wait--

Will you?