chaucer should just go and die again

who in the right mind gets his spelling all wrong.
like oh my god.
it is worst then mine.
and what's worse is that i cant even try to remember how to spell rubbish.

why must it be chaucer?
he is one senile idiot author!!!
he should try dying all over again.

spent one whole day trying to think like chaucer.
pardoner should just go have his physical death.
i still have not figured out why the degression is there.
one note:
claw has really good vocab!!! wow...
the words she uses in the notes are SO CHIEM...
i had to refer to the dictionary every 15 mins.
i wish i could write notes like that.

i still think that chaucer should die.
it is the most ridicules lit text ever.

bloggin relieves stress

however.
i am still dying.
so what difference does it make anyway?

will not be able to destress.
it will take me more then a million GB of space.

the wind calls my beautiful name

there are so many things that i have not even started studying. and then the typical singapore monsoon climate has to keep calling me to bed. i have been trying really hard to keep one body length from the bed. i try to control my falling eyelids with coffee or a few games of gin with sis. but you know what??? it is VERY HARD to keep your dying body from the thing in the entire house that you LOVE.

keeps raining everyday in the MORN + AFTERNOON + NIGHT. and suddenly it seems perfect to hid under your covers all 24 hours of the day. stupid weather. why must the earth tilt at 23.5 degrees??? what a perfect excuse if you fail your As.

feel like pocahontas standing at the edge of that rock thingy. there is the wind and the great urge to TRY dropping down. just really hoping that there is no lake/sea/pond at the base of the 500m drop, but a nice big fat plate of limestone, or better if it was a sea of granite debris (boulder controled slope). haha. then will confirm secure my very bloody death.



i think i look very pretty when i am flying.
chio bu man

woken dead

DID YOU SEE THE PERFECT WEATHER???

i was trying so hard to drag myself out of bed just now. my limbs were heavy and stuck to the bed. my brain was dead. my body just wanted to hid underneath the rest of cover and bury myself deep in the depths of my bed. i just want to lie there and rot till the moon came out.

but there was this other voice in my head that screamed
"shanny, you idiot!!! come out this very instant or you will be doomed to fail your As"

there is goes man. everytime i want to slack off, there will be this As thingy that reminds every part of my body that i do not have time. hello shan... you have offically once week till you face the paper you are most likey to fail and you are not doing anything bout it at all. you are so doomed to die and spend your future sweeping floors and collecting rubbish, then working odd jobs to cover your expenditures.

great... i am so doomed to fail.

i think i am sufferin from depression

i feel like the world no longer want me anymore. i have been desperatly trying to do something the whole day and nothing is done at all. every time i look at some question i just stare blankly into it hoping that the answers will simply pop out.

it is all signs of depression

i dont want to suffer from depression now. it is not the time at all. suddenly i get the feeling that i will never do well for the As. everything seems so far away from my reach. keep thinking what will happen to me if i get three Cs or worse. then i think ill have to jump down from somewhere.

i am suffering from depression.
feel the urge to go play tennis.

plea for HELP

i have NO what-so-ever idea what on earth are LIMESTONE LANDFORMS!!! like huh??? *scratches head* the only thing i know is the caves they have in mulu. that's all. just say this question where they ask for the landforms... i just stared at the paper like it is poison. 10 marks leh... write what??? shit man.. i think i am super unprepared for my As. cant even do such a question. i have never seen a karst landform.

i have NO CLUE what to write at all.

did a bit of spotting last night. i realise for desert everything is tested already. and there is nothing that i can predict that will appear in this years As. and until now i have no idea how to write on of those "to what extent does water/wind account for present day desert" i see it everytime yet i am still unbothered to do it at all. i am so dead. i see it every two prelims papers.

have decided to give up on hydro. it SUCKS man!!! i see those weird fluvial and hydro questions they have and i almost fainted. i love the topic but loving it doesnt mean that doing it is fun. no!!! they always ask weird question about hydro process to explain one of those drainage basin thingy. LIKE CRAP!!! dont even know what to include in it.

i am forcing myself to write essays now. i have not start on my lit text and i think i am so dead. i suddenly hate doing geog and love econs essays. call me mad but who cares. i decided to change into ball point pen to save money. my normal G2 ink pen will cost too much. i must make myself write more essays.

i need to start lit too. have consultation but have not prepared anything at all. i am so shitted up.

SHANNY!!!

GET UR BUTT AWAY FM E COM

AND GO STUDY!!!

Felicia Chin

i just read bernice's blog and it suddenly hit me that she is the Felicia Chin from seventeen magazine nov 2003 issue. i dug out my magazine from my old stack of archives.

and i am a collection to her. she is my sis, friends cousin. how small can singapore be???

what's wrong with me!!!

i used to be able to do two core topics in a single day.
now??? i cant even focus on just one.
sigh... i think i am going to fail the As.
sigh...

list of words i dont ever want to see again.
according to level of hatred

extent
discuss
explain
balance of payment
present day desert
jet stream
rosby waves
elnino
average
marginal

there should have history repeating itself
why dont i bring back qingshihuang and ask him to order massive burning of books and book related.

i have always though geog was relatively easy compared to the rest. but only today that i found out with my own brain, that there is more to getting a 20 and above for essay than writing. yeah... finally figured that i am never ever going to produce a 20+ essay. EVER.

hey... wat am i ever doing here. should not be infront of the com screen. i should be at my table studying.

ARGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

my sis came home a mad woman

the moment she came home today, she started on this mad frenzy of repeating over and over again that she saw chistoper's mom today at school. crazy i tell you. she has been going over and over again and again how she is socially connect to slyvester (Sing idol) and felicia (the champion).

well here is how i am connected to them-

sly is my sister's friend's bus-friend's cousin
felicia is my sister's friend's cousin
and soon toro is going to my sister's longlost brother (so she claims!!!)
all the taiwanese singers like energy, 5566, wangleehom, and many others are her "students" *smirk*

here is the retarded woman

my table

picture this
suddenly have this warped fantasy while i was studying.

the day i collect my A level results from sch sometime next year. i walked into school in the old normal fashion i did for the past two years, except my hair will be dyed and i am going to be way prettier. just walking past the gate when i see one swarp of the media people outside the general office, one whole pile of big cars are the school carpark.

happily sitting in the cafe talking to my long lost friends drinking ice tea and reminicing about my past times together. anouncement on the PA
"ding dong... will all graduates please move to the school hall to collect your results."

walked in to school hall then suddenly out of the blue, people started flashing their light bulbs at my face and sticking the mics into my head. puzzledly walk to teacher. president or some really big shot come to me and shake my hand before i can make my way to teacher. and lead this poor puzzled soul to stage. then in some way or another i found out that i am the best student in singapore with full marks for all my papers!!!

then best to come when they offered me a full schoolarship to yale/harvard/oxford. without bond of course. and the rest is history

you know what... i was really dreaming

concret-"est" plans
this post is very long but it may help you with you GP
for simple reading, main points is underlined

janelle has the greatest idea i have heard so far. me, her and prob co going out to europe after As next year. scotland, UK, France and maybe spain. free lodging free food probally free transport. just use connections. just friends for the journey.

finally someone with an idea of going there. and not feeling wishy washy bout it. love it. everyone i've talked to all bothering so much bout the money part. like going... "aiya, europe SO expensive." like hello people, i too will have money problems but this is the fun of it to travel with the limitations. if you know you will have money problems, then START PREPARING LIKE NOW!!! you just HAVE to start somewhere deary.

i have started my "travel fund" already. and opening a bank account is not that difficult. even i can do it. "if shanny can do it so can you" *speaks with yan-can-cook tone* just save $500 a month when you start working and you can afford to go by july.

and wouldnt you people just want to go on some expensive holiday knowing that you paid every cent for the fun you get. and a holiday WITHOUT your parents bothering you WITH YOUR FRIENDS. you can finally get to do that "i must be an independent woman" thingy. we all need to grow up sometime.

western youngsters are already moving out of their nest and traveling the world on their own credit. that is why they are so much on liberation and freedom. why cant we as equal teenagers try to understand their culture and venture on it just for a speck of experience. and i comfirm you you'll get more then SOME fun and experience. the asian nest is simply too big. come on people, let's move out of our comfort zone and learn to live.

*is this a GP essay???*

it's a whole different thing when your parents dont let you go and you not even wanting to TRY. we as teenagers need some inspiration once in a while.

every time i talk to jasmine (my ang moh cousin) bout her life there in norway, i feel like i am losing out so much with the constant protection of the family value and the "conservative" thinking of the nation. asian values are good TO A CERTAIN EXTENT. but there has to be a line drawn. singapore is a small and open east-meets-west society. there must be at least some form of liberalisation in the society right?

there is always constant talks bout our chinese roots being eroded and forgotten. that will never happen in the next 100 years. as long as we look chinese there will always be a classification no matter if you were bred in US or China. asian values will always be there. you can only benefit if there is a juxtaposition of both worlds.

jasmine still has her own life (unlike me and my MOE "roots") no matter how mush chinese she is. though more westernised, there is no loss of asian fundementals.

*back to the main discussion*
she's the same age as me and she gets to travel so much with her friends ever since donno when. i want that kind of freedom. no wonder our western counterparts are more independent than us and they strive better with problems. asians are most likely to crumble under pressure.

i want to be an independent women. i have always been drawn to the thought of independence to survive in this modern world. i always want to own my own car, house, investment ideals, career. i dont need a man. if there is something i know, it is that to make these ideals happen, you'll need very strong financial foundations. so why not start now? it may just save your live in the future.

but i think singapore will hate people like me coz we dont produce enough babies

actually. planning is the key factor here. if you can plan your life out properly, you will make it in life. i do like planning, think i make a good wedding planner. seem to like such matters under a state of perfection. however i have to admit that not everything is perfect.

i think i really diverged quite a lot from the initial holiday thingy. but the bottom conclusion is that i applaude janelle and people like her for the firmness in thought. even if it doesnt work out. i still liked the idea

i cant do it
VERY random thoughts

the As is simply too hard. granite hard. too many lines of weakness i cant keep together. nothing infiltrates in. just bare soil.

auntie came late. must be the stress.

i realise that everything i put here is all bout the As. directly and indirectly.

i need a new life.

need somthing out of singapore

want to die soon. fastest way?

impending death

got the shock of my life when i went to school yesterday.
everyone is studying...
and i do really mean everyone

even those who i have never seen with a book is having stacks and piles of stuff in front of them. something is wrong with the atmosphere. something really wrong. the air is so still. like i could hear a pin pen drop.

i hate going to school now. everytime i am there i will be constantly reminded that death is on the way. i hate the A levels, it does things to people. weird and scary things. the whole balcony is scattered packed with saints and teachers. one sight and i feel scared, very scared. i am shivering to my bones.

not productive in school at all. spend too much time worrying and trying to catch up with people. i should stop it. maybe i should just stay at home and TRY to study. there is just so many days left till the dooms day.

warning: prepare your grave

riddle: what is another word for loser???

you dont even need a brain to figure this out.

defination = a person who has achieved nothing in life and is bound for more failures. one who has achieved the highest point of decline yet is never able ever to pick self up again.
function = noun
synonyms born loser, bum, castaway, defaulter, derelict, disappointment, flop, good-for-nothing, incompetent, insolvent, loafer, lumpy, might-have-been, ne'er-do-well, no-good, nobody, nonperformer, underachiever, washout.

answer to above question= SHANNY!!!

time to hit Prac Crit

i hate the As. it forces me to do things that i dont ever want to. now i have got to start practicing my Prac crit... it is not call Prac(tical) Crit(ism) for nothing. great... just wat i was looking forward to. more essays. why do you think i dont even do my normal day hw???

all i can see now is myself doing essays. just that i dont have any content coz i have no time to study in the first place. i am just rushing to pass them up to teachers so that i can have my consultations. i dont even think this is the right method to go.

but what choice do i have?
i didnt have the choice to choose which country i get born in.
ditto the education system.

10 tips to prevent shanny from dying early

1. scrap the As and give everyone a break
2. burn down MOE
3. sink UK so that combridge will not exist
4. wish really hard that terrorist will hijack the plane carrying the exam papers
5. give me 10 more months
6. send shanny to space to become astronaut
7. send shanny as dipomat to mars
8. give shanny superpowers to do ANYTHING
9. send her to an island (anywhere but THIS island)
10. just kill her NOW!!!

i really need to move faster

how am i ever EVER going to sit for the A levels at this rate? if i was a rock/soil my inflitration capacity is NIL. i can just stare at the notes all day long and not get anything into this head. even IF they DO go in, it will become EFFUENT SEEPAGE by the end of the day. crap.

wake up shanny!!!

there is only two+ weeks left till you meet your doom. you will never get your AAB at this rate/pace/speed. you barely started on your notes and lit... you better not fail me... go study lit asap... there is simply no more time left no matter how you console your lazy ass.

no more afternoon naps. just live on coffee k? that anymore naps and you'll turn into a PIG. besides, you are just wasting your afternoon storing fats. then brain waves move to a ZERO.

How to move into a "better" life before the As
1. no more afternoon naps
2. follow time table
3. no using com for more then an hour
4. no watching tv except during lunch and dinner (+ s'pore idol)
5. time yourself when doing essays
6. no talking to dog/sis/bro
7. keep the room as neat as possible
8. no studying on the bed
9. no going anywhere near the bed
10. no studying out, except in school.

all = DIE!!!

janelle told me we WILL get our As for econs

i believe her.
i really believe her.
it has gotten my confidence up.
it had gotten me to strive for more.

aiming AAB B4 for As
will get there...
as long as i start studying NOW... *grins*

ummm... DOTS...
now??? what now???
how bout tomorro???

the progress record

blah blah...
econs - 57 - D
lit - 58 - D
geog - 65 - B
GP - 51 - C5
blah blah blah...

conduct - EXCELLENT
remarks - Shanny has maintained her grades this term. Keep up the momentum.
blah blah blah...

there are things i have to clear up
- firstly, there is NO maintaining of grades this term. coz i totally deproved from Block test 2. BDD cant even like get me anywhere near the doors of UNI at all. i really did expect to do better.

- secondly, i dont ever think my lit is going anywhere close to a B. the highest i have gotten so far was just a freeking C. lit is SO HARD TO SCORE!!! why did i take lit???

- Mr lee told me he'll expect me to produce him three As. i would definatly LOVE to, but there ARE LIMITATIONS in my capabilities.

- i finally got an EXCELLENT for conduct! first time in shanny history. (maybe i should cololate a shanny history book) how can i get EXCELLENT when i dont turn up for lessons much less school. haha...

- i really need to hit a B in GP. i hate this subject. can never reach a B.

ps: sorry if this post have affected you. i just needed some room for reflecttions. and... this IS MY BLOG...

"SHANNY'S TRAVEL FUND 2004/5"

i am really happy that i finally gotten this started despite thinking over it a very long time ago. though i did mention it few post back that i have opened a new bank account, i feel that i must tell you more bout it...

shanny opened a new bank account

it is some special savings account for teenages like me from 16-21. it comes with a nicely designed debit (visa) card and i had actually researched on which account benifits would benifit me the most. and walla... this account. man does it have perks.

i really have the foresight man. i can use this account as my "travel fund" then i can use my visa to sign stuff when i am abroad. i have always felt like i needed to get my savings into control and since i really REALLY want to go for a holiday after the As. i simply have to start somewhere right?

i know that i totally cannot control my spending, so having a bank account for me to WATCH MY MONEY GROW is the only current solution left for me. i just have to keep putting money inside and not take it out till i travel. not only will i remain happy seeing the money GROW and GROW, while i can eat and spend less.

i aim to have 2500 in it by the time i go for my holiday.

some family gathering

i though it was just a SMALLY gathering, but guess what??? so many turned up that i even lost sight of my brother. yes, even my brother was lost in the crowd. him being gaigantic and everything still went missing.

i totally regret going. should have stayed at home to celebrate my non-appearance. but mommy have to leave out the fact that it was a HUGE PARTY!!! my life could have ended just right there and then when i saw the two families of people i have spent my entire life avoiding. the two families i hated ever since i was born. their presence can make my barf out all organs that rested in my body, then ill die such a terrible death that my soul will never rest in peace. *evil laugh*

like one a year at chinese new year is not enough. i have to see again. *rolls eyes so hard they could come out* i HATE THEM!!! *grins teeth* you are not supposed to hate family, but who cares if you have them for blood relations. they are just a disgrace to humans. even i am disgraced for acknowledging them as "related". they could just die.

mag delicated to: 3rd grandaunt, huaichi & husband, terrence, gabriel, jiasi, 4th grandaunt & husband, rachel, clara, eugene's three kids, youhui's four kids.

*may you all die early, go bankrupt, and fail your major exams, never get married, or get aids/ cancer. (i'll give you the chance to choose which gift you want)... i must make it very clear here on worldwide web that i hate you all so much and i am so sick of having to face you every year. you may not like me but frankly, i dont care. you people are not what i would call family at all. really hope i will never see you ever again.*

i still cant believe i risk dying by turning up.
ps: pls refer back to my january 22nd 2004 entire for clarification

i'm really hooked onto my POST ALEVELS travel dreams

someone should just get my away from the computer. i have been surfing and surfing all my banking, travel and yadayadas. help me. just applied for my UOB account and i am thinking if i sould go sign up for my uob mini card. then when i was researching this mini card thing, i realised that there are so many things i can do with it...

like book a damn *CONTIKI* holiday at 12% off.

that is like bout more than two hundred dollars when i am going to sign up with them. then i went to the site and found out that this is the PERFECT after A levels holiday that i am looking forward to.

just for fun but if this is still on next june, i'll pull someone and go sign up for this tour. even if i have to go alone i will do it. people actually "turn up alone" (as quoted) the only way i will not go to this tour is if someone can get me something better.

try here to go to the tour package
London to Athens (budget/concept)

this is all of europe that i want to go. spain, france, italy, greece. that is more then enough. it is not that expensive for a 3 week tour too.

*contiki holidays - a tour package thingy that is for young people like me from 18 to 35 years old. you'll get to tour with cool people from other countries in your tour group too. then you can exchange cultures while touring. cool right. then you'll never need to speack chinese to anyone as non of then would be singaporean taitais and aunties. what a plus point. i get to travel and not be reminded of my ancestery

my internet line a bit screwed

LETS BOYCOTT TOPSHOP!!!

why must they always do this to me???

not once but THREE TIMES!!!

why??? first was my Aline skirt then was my 3/4 frills then now my precious cargo pants... i HATE TOPSHOP... they should just stock up more often or i am going to swear myself against it. the things i want from there always dissapears. like what is this la. not happy with me ah..... not happy then we go fight la. toilet round the corner only leh. *points*

i just that two weeks to save up money and the next time i happily visit the store, i come out frowning and cursing the stock manager. being the purchasing director, they should have done a market survey to see the demand of goods, not only the good but the size...

who in the world wears a size 14/16 in singapore????
they should jolly well know that the average singapore is round size 8-10 (in UK size that is) and then they have to buy tones of size 16s and 6s. like hello??? i can wear 16 as a tube dress with a Z cup bra!!! like even i knew that lor.

call themselves professionals. *smirk*
i shouls be the one getting paid.

a normal econs student will tell you that you must supply what the market wants. then can maximise profit. like hello??? size 16??????? like you only need a couple of pieces!!! not an entire rack of it

dont they even have a brain???

this is what i call market failure.
failure to satisfy the customers.
failure to adopt common sense.
failure to use their freeking brains (if they actually have one in the first place)

SO PISSED MAN!!!

am i adopted???

it has always occured to me. what happened. how come the rest on the family remains so smart when here i am trying to accecpt my own prelims grades.

am i adopted?

just found out that judy is a superwoman high flier here in singapore. she earns 5 digits a month. yes. that will bottle up to about 120,000 at LEAST a year. she use to be from SA, took business and then soared to the heavens of coke cola. wonder woman. when will i ever reach that stage.

then carol on the other hand i trying out her PHD. yup. i have not even smelled my A level cert and she may be walking away with more money i can ever imagine.

then there is sandra too. flying all over the world for business before she is even close to 30.

then there comes ben. lawyer people.

what happened to my genes. think i am adopted. all those around me are so smart. i want my phd too. if i should study then i should go all the way to a pemanent head damage. then with a pemanent head damage, people will actually pay you to sit at a corner.

like i am still trying to face the reality of my horrible prelim grades. where do i have the time to be smart? even my prelims grades do not show how many brain cells i have in my head. put my head in an Xray and you'll probally see a void space of air.

selling my soul

hopes dashed... dreams gone...
so broken i am thinking of selling my soul to redeem myself.
cant face myself anymore.
though i could, but NOT...

not anymore...
hurts...

not good enough. simple too ordinary.
plain ORDINARY
why??? i have been asking too often
dont know answer.
hate my expectations. hate it so much.

i feel trapped in a cycle of being normal.
cant shine bright enough
could shine in the first place.
just one speck of dust in the universe.

just a SPECK...