From archer: Christmas isn't about getting presents, it's about giving presents.

After hearing that song about, I just met you, here's my number so call me maybe... Archer says "maybe is a silly name right."

The other day Cora bell was very quiet. When I found her she was eating an onion.

Wiley was showing cj how to whittle and told him to "go with the corn.' Though I think he meant grain.

The other morning I woke up and went to get wood outside. Two horses were standing in my front yard. They had broken int my chicken food and were eating it. I tried to catch them, but wasn't able to since only one was bridled and the other was skittish. It was cool.

We had a great Christmas; Ramona is here and quite sad, so that part isn't great, but we tried to stay positive. I think Wiley and Archer and Cora Bell had all their dreams come true and there were no complaints. They got legos galore, art supplies, lots and lots of books, a knitting loom, guitar, video and trouble games, sleeping bags, and more legos. They also got a fish tank and today I took them to get fish; two gold fish--not the 17 cent goldfish, the $5 gold fish--named Archer Oaklin Wilson the Fish and Sam Jr.

On the 24th Wiley lost his first tooth. We were sitting reading and talking about when we thought it would be ready. It seemed to be holding on with quite a bit of root still so I didn't think it would come out for another day or two, but then he twisted it and out it came! He held onto it for an extra day to show Grammy and so the Tooth Fairy and St. Nick wouldn't have to come on the same night. He got $6 from the tooth fairy.

We went to see the Rise of the Guardians on Christmas eve and it was good!

Cora Bell is so loud! When the boys (mine and their 5 boy cousins between ages of 4 and 11) are being loud, just having fun, rough housing and all that she just joins right in. She yells at the top of her lungs and just adds to the volume. It's funny, but loud!

Wiley has a loose tooth. It's so amazing how exciting this news is!

We are in Oklahoma and met 10/11 of his cousins. They are all very sweet and getting along great. Two of the are almost exactly Wiley and archer's ages.

Man we've been so busy and my house is such a mess and work is never done. Waaah. I hate feeling overwhelmed. Anyway.

York took Cora Bell and Archer for their well child checks, 9 months and 4 years (a bit overdue for them). CB is 26 pounds, Archer is 44lbs. Apparently Archer is supposed to go back in 3 months for a weight check, ummm no. They had the same worry about Wiley at that age, and Archer's always been just big, so I'm not going back for that. I had a fit when York came home and told me that Archer got a flu shot. I had taken them into get their flu vaccines a month earlier (and it wasn't on the list of things to discuss/cover that I sent to the appointment with York). It's a good thing they had me on hold so long that I hung up in anger. After an email to our pediatrician and an email back and a call back from the pediatrician I got an apology and reassurance that Archer would be ok despite getting double dosed on the flu vaccine.

York's dad died so we are off to Oklahoma tomorrow, for about a week. When York told Archer he was so sweet and gave York kisses and said, "that is so sad." Wiley took it very hard, burst into tears and talked about how sad it was because York doesn't have a dad anymore in the world. He's deep that kiddo.

Cora Bell is signing all done.

Cora Bell is a clapping baby. She is also signing milk, waving, smiling, free standing, dancing, drawing!, piano playing, crawling, everything in her mouth baby. She smiles and claps when something makes her happy, mostly when someone walks in the room (like her brothers or dad) or when she likes something she has to eat. She is maybe signing "all done" or at least smiles and claps if you ask her if she is "all done." She is so freaking cool.

Archer turned 4! We had a party for him with his preschool classmates and it was fun and easy to do. We 'bought' a party at the scrap exchange. No furiously cleaning the house before or after. Easy peasy. Archer seemed to have a good time/good day. At the end of the day he said out of the blue, "I am so happy." He's so full of love now a days always hugging and kissing everyone, especially Cora Bell ("Mom I sang a song for Cora then I gave her a little kiss)

Archer: "at school we made Stars for David"
Wiley: "who's David?"
Archer: "David Lee Roth"

Well, now I feel like a real grown up--having pulled off a Thanksgiving feast. It is my very least favorite holiday; I dislike all the food and think it comes from a pretty sad historical place, but I do like focusing on things I am grateful for and talking to my family about what they are grateful for. I like coming together to make a meal  and getting help from the boys to do so and I like seeing them get excited about a feast. I can do it again, and I will, as necessary, as part of my assignment from mother should the need arise....Plus, I made some really delicious turkey/sweet potato/black bean burritos for dinner tonight from the leftovers.

In other news. Cora Bell's favorite thing is to pull herself up, throw both her arms up in the air over her head then fall forward on you. What fun that baby is. She likes taking my glasses off and tries to put them back on my eyes; things like that. Drops things to watch them fall. Gets super mad if you take something away from her, including attention!

Archer is super sweet and very smart; he says really cute things like, "I had a brainstorm last night."

Wiley is great. Total teenager at this point, saying things like, "what the heck."

Cora Bell is pulling herself up, and pointing, and making the sign for milk, and waving (sometimes)....oh my. How did that happen so fast?! She sooo loves her brothers. Knows how to work an ipad. Geez. Loves to take things out of baskets and buckets. Loves to share food with you.

Archer said, "I don't know why they call them booby traps. They are just traps."

Wiley took his first piano lesson, at his request. The teacher is amazing. She made it fun and age appropriate. She is into improvisation. He has practices multiple times a day since his lesson on Monday. I'm not going to pressure him to do it, but he said he wants to keep going.

The other day Wiley and Archer had a rough afternoon, lots of fighting. When I was telling York about this he turned to Archer and said, 'sounds like things went down hill after mommy picked you up." Archer said, "no, we weren't going down a hill."

CB has started pulling herself up!

Today I took the children to get their flu vaccines. The boys got the nasal mist and CB got a shot. As the nurse was prepping CB's leg, Wiley said to her, "Can you wait until I leave the room before you do that? This is the part when I get upset." He then raced for the door and went outside of the room and shut the door. The nurse shot CB and she cried, for between 5-10 secs, but then I could hear Wiley crying through the door. When we opened the door he was standing there, red eyed and sad for his sister. Poor baby....boy; so sweet, but I worry about such a sensitive child in this world.

Cora Bell has a toothbrush I bought her to chew on. It's a great thing. All my kids have enjoyed having tooth brushes to chew on. So this morning she was chewing on her toothbrush and Archer says: "mom, did you know that toothbrush dropped in the toilet the other day?"
Nope, didn't know that, son.

Trick or Treating was fun. They said it was the best one yet. Made some batman costumes after I made a mad scientist costume and a Finn from "adventure time" costume. Wiley didn't wear his costume at school until the last ten minutes of school and later told me that he was embarrassed that it was a home made costume and worried the kids were going to laugh at him since most of them had store bought costumes. He didn't tell me earlier because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. So much wrong there. I was a bit surprised at some of the costumes I saw today on first and second graders; some really violent ones and at least one "cheerleader" but her whole midriff was exposed. C'mon Quakers I pay a lot of money to keep it innocent and peaceful.

Also, I don't remember mentioning it, but Wiley, Archer, CB and I marched in the Handmade Hillsborough parade after lunching with Grammy and Pop. It was fun. We were all pooped at the end! Wiley's art class made fish costumes that we wore and Archer was a black widow. The theme was creatures of the Eno river.

well, it's been nice blogging with you, but who knows if I'll be able to do this regularly. I think all my time now has to be focused on keeping Cora Bell alive! She has figured out that her crawling can take her anywhere. The first time she figured out she could go anywhere she crawled from the tv room to the toy room. When she got to the toy room she somehow! had a bead and puff of dog hair in her mouth. I went to take my pants off tonight and noticed my button was missing. I can't find it and it's making me very nervous that CB will find it before I do. She loves to be chased now that she can "run" away. Also, I am getting very used to hearing "Coorra, no! Mom, get Cora Bell!"

Archer came home from preschool today saying he had a "great" day. He really seems to be enjoying it, though he often doesn't elaborate. Today he learned about saying thank you after trick or treating.

I read this article about how people who are grateful are physically healthier. I try to be very grateful for what I have, but this article recommended writing down three things you're grateful for each day and one thing you appreciate about your spouse. I would especially like to teach the chillens to regularly think like this. I have also been thinking about the question "what's wrong?" and how that keeps us problem/negative focused so I'm working on eliminating this from my vocab.

So, I am grateful that Cora Bell woke up at 6am and I went outside for a few minutes while it was still dark and looked up and saw the amazing, wonderful winter stars.
I am grateful that my children are healthy and safe. (a bit broad, but something that I am reminded of daily, when I'm at work seeing kids my kids' ages who've had, oh, hellish lives)
I am grateful that when I came home from work yesterday Archer ran out and jumped into my arms to give me a hug. 

Cora Bell has started crawling!
Archer attended lunch bunch, and had a good time!
I had parent teacher conference for Wiley and he's "on grade level" and is very good at observing. Sometimes has a hard time waiting his turn or if he does wait his turn he forgets what he's going to say. He plays a lot and has made new friends. Is working diligently on reading and writing. He wrote a book about "my mom's garden". xoxo

A friend of mine has a baby that just turned three weeks old. This was how old cb was when York had his motorcycle accident and became incapacitated and in pain so therefore very irritable. I haven't thought much about it, and even at that time I just tried to be grateful for everything I had that was going well. But today I've been thinking about just how royally that time period sucked and I'm angry for not having a maternity leave I had envisioned. I am trying to be ok with being angry I know if yorkread this he would think I was selfish, since he was the one with the broken shoulder so I'm trying let myself feel what I feel even if it might upset others.

from archer

"Mom, I'm giving you a back scratch. And I'm going to scratch your back cheeks."

Cora Bell's paper eating is out of control. She eats all kinds of paper; from scraps on the floor, to tearing pages out of books, to mail, but what she seems to really like are the pictures the boys draw. So the other day Archer came home from school with two drawings. "one is for you mom and the other one is for Cora Bell to eat."

Sleepyhead conversation:

Mom, I really, really need to go to school I want more school. I love school. I love math and I really really have to go to school.

Ok, Wiley. You can go again on Monday. I'm sorry but its closed now.

So the other day I had to run up to the Dollar General to get something. The boys asked if they could "kill time" by looking at the toys. I said yes. And as we approached the pink "girl" aisle full of fake barbies and dolls Cora Bell went wiled. "huh huh huh huh" and bouncing up and down, staring wildly at the shelves!!
I guess the piles of legos, action figures, and cars aren't doing it for her.

She does this with all the animals, too.

Wiley and Archer have a little guitar, it's got Elmo on it. Totally not a great instrument, but they love playing it for Cora Bell. She will sit there and smile and rock back and forth or bounce up and down. She loves their music. It's amazing how she can communicate.

Cora Bell is figuring out how to sit up from being on her belly.

Archer has really blossomed in preschool. He never whines anymore and says things like, "thanks for giving me my clothes to wear." "May I please have some milk? I will wait patiently while you pour it." And he takes his shoes off and puts them right in the basket without being asked. He is drawing amazing drawings of people and writing his name with no help, in a straight line, in order.

W: "Mom for Halloween you could be a flower and Cora bell will be the bee. That's a symbiotic relationship"


"Did you learn that at school?"

"No, from the Kratt brothers"
(a show on PBS)

W whispering to A: "Do you want mom to be oppressed?....." (looks around, knowing that wasn't the right word. Of course, some days, I must admit, that is how I feel....) then continues to show Archer how to spell C-A-T. 

What a beautiful day yesterday. I spent a lot of time cleaning out and harvesting from the garden. I brought in a bunch of beans, yams, the last of the tomatoes (I also pulled out the plants), and the last of the figs. Cora bell sat with me while I harvested a huge bucket of basil, sometimes picking and eating her own, sometimes just laughing at the chickens. She loves animals and gets bouncy and laughing at the cats, dogs, chickens,bees, and spiders. Days like that make it harder to think of leaving, but that is the plan. We have decided to move back to Durham and rent our place. We'll see, but the idea is that we'll be back in Durham by Spring/in spring. Part of the deal of this deal is that Wiley and all children will go to public school. This is already making me majorly anxious and heartbroken, but when I think of three children at Friends, it's just not possible. Without financial aid the cost of tuition for three is about $50,000 per year. Oh my. Plus, this will allow us to have more playdates, do afterschool activities, engage in easy socializing, and learn to ride bikes. I think we'll be happy with the move so long as renting this place doesn't get too stressful.

Wiley did his first homework last night. It was so exciting! He had to complete a few pages of math work sheets. He did some on his own, some I sat and worked with him on. He didn't need help to get the answers right, he just needed some help forming his numbers. He was patient and didn't get frustrated.

The kids go to a Quaker meeting once a month and they sit in silence until/unless moved to speak on a "query." I asked Wiley what the query was and he said, "It was to think about 'How do I stay centered when someone is trying to distract me or someone is trying to hurt me."
wowow.

oh boy!!! Wiley is really close to reading. It's so cool to watch. I've been putting together blocks or boggle die or magnets or just spelling simple three letter words for him and he sounds them out and reads them. And he seems really encouraged, not frustrated. yay.

Cora Bell is so fabulous and she is getting really close to crawling. She's a bunch of fun. She might be waving. She holds her arm out and moves her wrist up and down in a cute little wave. She is always happy! She is also so great to see when I get done with work. She just dives for me and smiles and bounces up and down in her happy jump. She will also wave!

Having another sleep over with Edward. Initially his mother invited Wiley to their house for a sleepover but his mom was going to be out of town so they would be there with the housekeeper. Wiley is barely ready to sleepover and there's no way he'd do it with the housekeeper so Edward came here. So far so good. They set up a pallet on the floor and slept there and talked late into the night.

Today I changed CB's diaper and there was grass in it.

Archer is so different from me. Some of the things that he says: if I close my eyes I can see anything.
Look the moon is following me.
Everyone is upside down--said when he was doing a headstand.
I am just not of a left Brain persuasion and I'm pretty sure he is.

Archer started pre school! He's in the same class Wiley was in 3 years ago, with the same teachers. He was pretty excited about it and Wiley did his best to assure him he'd have fun and it was ok to be nervous. Wiley shared all kinds of advice about what to play with (the cars and blocks under the loft) and how to handle his nerves, "Barbara will even pick you up and hug you if you cry." Archer said he was this much excited (holding his hands out to the sides) and this much nervous (showing a pinch between his fingers. The first day drop off went well enough. He sat down at the painting table and painted; I left without much fanfare. York was the last parent to pick up/was slightly late so Archer was crying for fear he'd "have to sleep at the school." It was the second and third days that were much harder at drop off, clinging, crying, peeling him off me kind of harder. But, by Friday I was able to drop him off and there were no tears. He said he played with some kids that day and told Wiley he really likes school; he told me the teachers said he couldn't ask the other kids names....It'll be interesting to see if on Monday he picks up from Friday or from day two....

Cora Bell has had a terrible diaper rash that I believe at this point is a yeast based rash, so she's getting new treatments and I hope that it helps. I'd like to avoid a trip to the doctor. She is all about trying to crawl. She's getting up on her hands and knees and doing a bit of rocking. The other night when she was crying I heard 'oooohmmomm' She seems to prefer being outside, but is a terrible helper in the garden as she pulls out all kinds of things that then go right into her mouth, edible or not.

bee story

So! On Friday at noon I got a text from York: "better get home soon. Bees are back." But so sadly, by the time I got home they were gone again. They had clustered on the umbrella in the garden, that is what the photo on flickr is from--the first time they came back. I kept my eye out for them, but they were gone. I set out a new hive in a new location and spread some bee pollen around the umbrella area. Saturday I went to a baby shower and came home. I said hello to everyone and then the whole family was walking outside to check out the soon to be tree house (another story) when York noticed the bees flying all over the garden. They weren't clustered anywhere, they were just buzzing everywhere between a spot on the grass and the umbrella. I sprayed some sugar water on the umbrella and on the few that were sitting together on the ground. I was worried at this point they were hungry and the sugar water spray keeps them from flying away. I thought they were going to cluster on the umbrella again, which would have made capture of the swarm easier, but they didn't. The queen must have been very tired and hungry and must not have been able to make it up to the umbrella so the colony swarmed around her on the grass. I sprayed them and sprayed them with sugar water then started to scoop them up into a box. I couldn't find the queen for a few minutes and worried perhaps she wasn't there, but then I saw her, caught her and carried her to the new hive. Once she was in there the other bees sweetly followed. I tried to make their new place as appealing as possible by leaving them a little saucer of honey, sugar water, and pollen. So far they have stayed and they seem ok.
I pulled apart and examined the old hive. It's hard to tell exactly what happened since the amount of bugs that have moved in to the old hive since is amazing, but it looks like the combination of my moving things around (thinking I was helping) and a few wax moths living in the honeycomb made them up and leave.

garden update, skippable

this is more for me....So it's late summer, summer garden is wrapping up. It was a less productive year than I expected and I think I can cut myself a break as I did have a newborn/infant this season, and I do all the gardening and care for the bees/chickens; York said he wants nothing to do with it (including watching kids so I can have some time) so it's hard to be anything but slightly neglectful to everything. However, I did harvest/am still harvesting tomatoes, figs, blueberries, peas, strawberries, muscadine grapes, beans, radishes, acorn squash, basil, cucumbers, lettuce, bell peppers, onions, garlic, potatoes, sweet potatoes, spinach, and carrots. My numbers aren't great, though. This year I planted fewer cucumbers because last year I had so many I ended up feeding many to the chickens; this year I barely had enough for a few salads and never had enough for my favorite cucumber soup. I have not yet figured out how to plan enough peas, blueberries, or strawberries, but that's ok because the boys just eat those straight out of the garden. I have so much basil I've made enough pesto and frozen it that we should make it through to next summer without a problem, which is great since it's the boys favorite dish. My onions and garlic were small because I harvested them too early, but they were/are still delish. I need to figure out how to store them better; I thought they'd be ok in the basement and so far most of the onions and garlic are but the potatoes molded almost immediately. I need to get a move on the fall garden.
The bugs were bad this year, so much so that I complained enough that for mother's day York sprayed some of my plants with Seven Powder....freaked me out, but did the trick! I don't think I cannot grow organically considering the boys propensity for eating straight out of the garden...even the squash flowers they eat! The Japanese beetles were the worst and I believe I read that the more years into organic gardening you go the worse the bugs get so next year ought to be a doozy.
Then there was the headless chicken incident and the other day I went to inspect my beehive. I didn't smoke them like I usually do and I remember taking note that they were drinking up the honey with intensity--which is usually what they do when I smoke them (for fear that a fire is coming and they might have to get the heck out of there), but when I don't smoke them they usually just think I'm trying to steal their honey and they get mad and try to sting. Anyway, I didn't think it was that odd, but I did move a few of the honeycomb frames around...then yesterday there was so much activity it worried me to the point that I googled, "my bees are going crazy." They were just flying around the hive so much, like something was wrong. But google said it may just be an orientation flight since I moved stuff around, but today things looked way quiet and when I went out to check on them they were gone. Two bees I saw and that was it. I'm trying not to overreact and say it's colony collapse or anything, there were ants and beetles and nasty wax moths already moved in. The honey was all gone. I am very sad about this. I hope they just flew away and found a new home. The other day the tractor came to the soybean (round up ready soybeans, by the way) and sprayed something on them. I have no idea if this is at all connected, but it does worry me. I really, really loved my bees. I don't know if I'll get a new colony next year. I think I have too much going on, but I already miss them.

first day of 1st grade

Wiley had his first day of First grade, in Sky class, today. I dropped him off; it was just the two of us and he tried oh so hard to be brave. He clandestinely wiped his tears, but I saw him and when we went into the classroom it was sooo busy and overwhelming and he was very unsure even though several of his friends, including his two besties from kindergarten, were there. The other parents tried to help, one introduced Wiley to her son who was in 2nd grade (it's a 1&2 composite classroom). So when Wiley started to really cry I took him to a quiet corner to let him cry and comfort him. It was then that his best friend, Edward, came over to comfort him--with no prompting from anyone; his mom wasn't there (probably dropping off her older son). Edward said, 'we're here, and there are lots of us here. It really isn't that bad.' Wiley tried to cheer up and he and Edward spied some toys, but then they flicked the lights for the kids to gather for settling in (a Quaker way to start the day, they are do some silent reflecting and centering; it's very neat). Wiley did not want me to stay for this and Melissa (Edward's mom) showed up. I asked if Wiley could sit with her and she said yes. As they walked away Edward put his arm around Wiley and said, "I'll take care of you and you'll take care of me." Oh my. I've told this story all day and it still makes me verklempt. I just can't believe kids of their age have this much heart, empathy, and caring. Truly, truly amazing. I am so grateful for this.

Today I came home and asked York my usual child hand off questions, did CB sleep? poop? eat? Here's the answer I got to if she ate: "I fed her a few spoonfuls of strawberry jelly. It's the only baby food kind of food I had.....she loved it."
OMG.

Do you like the word hot? I like the way it feels in my mouth. --wiley

And I just found my keys; they were stuck down in my camera bag where both York and I had already checked. I am pretty embarrassed by this.

beach vacation

We had a wonderful trip to the beach. Some highlights:

There was a lot of yelling--which is a memory that would have most likely faded had I not just immortalized it, but overall, the young boys out of their element and comfort zones did very well.

We got to see some meteors from the meteor shower. They were super cool. Wiley and I sat outside looking for them and I saw three. One was a huge red streak across the sky.

We buried the boys in the sand up to their heads they seemed to like that.

The photo shoot wasn't nearly as painful as I worried it would be.

Dad was a very good sport throughout the trip.

The swim out to the sandbar was frought with peril and thank goodness dad was there to pull Archer and me to safety. And to make two more trips to take both Wiley and Archer back to shore.

I had a great few minutes of splashing and jumping waves in a rough sea with my sisters.

Cora Bell seemed to enjoy eating sand. Her poop still seems gritty. She fell asleep almost immediately every time she was shore side.

Pop taught Wiley that where his head goes his body goes and his swimming is much improved.

Pop taught Archer the breaststroke kick: up and out.

Archer went from scared--hold me!--to body surfing--the good waves are out more!-- in a matter of minutes.

Ms. Han cooked some delicious shrimp! I'm inspired. When she was teaching Wiley to say thank you in Vietnamese he thought she was asking him to "come with me" and he said he didn't know what to say.

I couldn't walk for most of the vacation due to 60 calf raises.

I got a lot of help for which I am very grateful.

key debacle

Here's what was on my windshield when I went to get my car unlocked, after sitting in the Chapel Hill Country Club for a week:

Hi Friend,
I just wanted to let you know that some knucklehead vandalized your car by slapping an Obama sticker on it. The last thing you want is to be driving around all day, looking like an idiot.
Take care. A Good Samaritan.

The fact that there is a comma splice in this drives me crazy for so many reasons.

One of the things I was quite worried about was the colander of fresh figs from my fig tree I had left in the car; I was worried it would be moldy and smelly, but instead I had a nice colander of dried figs.

And I didn't find my keys.

While Wiley was sitting next to Cora bell playing: I lost my lego guy's sword
Me:uh oh
Wiley: is that uh oh because my Lego guy is defenseless or because Cora bell might have a chance to swallow it?

As we were looking for the beach house and Charlie and Mimi pulled up Wiley says: Mimi how is it?
Mimi says: I dont know we haven't been there yet
Wiley: no I mean being married

This morning I woke up and found something had eaten the head off one of my chickens. Then Emily got married.

Shall we take bets now on how many legos Cora Bell will swallow in the next year?

At 6 months, Cora Bell is 22lbs, this is 99th percentile. Her length is something like 75th percentile.
At 6 years, Wiley is 44inches and 44pounds. This is 25th percentile.

"mom, when I put my lucky penny in my mouth, I accidentally swallowed it." --Archer

Cora Bell is 6 months old. She is such a happy baby. Wakes up with a smile and smiles all the time until she's tired, then to sleep easily and happily. She has learned to say DADADA which makes York happy. And she's officially eaten sweet potatoes, avocado, and bananas. We just think she's the best.

super whiny Archer voice: "moooom, that's not fair that Wiley got born first."

Sweet happy cb is at that stage where she picks everything up and puts it in her mouth. at this point in a child's development I wonder how we as a species survived.

National Lampoons Wilson vacation

Let me say first that all I really wanted for my birthday was to go camping and see a waterfall. This I did, so I had a very happy birthday. I mention the rest of the goings ons of my vacation for...memories.

The plan was to leave on Thursday evening, around 5.00 or so, and go to Grammy's to celebrate Wiley's birthday. The next morning we would pull out, camper trailer and all, and camp for the weekend at Black Mountain Campground. My research and my choice. We had been planning on this for about a week or so. I started preparing on Monday and the children and I were ready to go. We left at 6pm and got to grammy's at 7pm, for a late pepperoni pizza, punch, and chocolate cupcakes (at the request of the birthday boy). Sweet 6 year old got lots of legos and star wars stuff for his birthday and was thrilled with the cash he got! ($58 in total!!) However, on the way out of the driveway, the camper trailer hit a tree, smashed a window and bent the frame. This turned out to be my fault because York had planned on cutting that tree down, but didn't have time to do it before I said we had to go. We also learned about this point that the AC was broken. It's 100 degrees here and about 90% humidity. Even I use my car AC and I don't like AC one bit.
The next morning we got up, had some fun playing, ate breakfast, Cora Bell slept for 3 hours (of course) and then we left around 11am. We drove to the beautiful NC mountains. York chose the route, which included a beautiful, though steep and narrow, route, Hwy 80, I believe. Full of hairpin switch backs. It was about 3 miles from the Blue Ridge Parkway when the smoke started to pour from the engine. We pulled off the road and the radiator had over heated and cracked. York poured a few bottles of water into the radiator to get us there. The crack was at the top, though, so we were able to make it to the Black Mountain Campground area, which was down a dirt road and really gorgeous. The dirt road criss crossed(On narrow one lane bridges) a gorgeous creek that was the perfect depth for little kids to wade in and play on the beautiful big, smooth river rocks. Then we came to this many pronged fork in the road. Neither York nor I was completely sure which way to go to get the actual camping area. The signs to the camping area were a bit confusing and obscured, but as I took too long to figure out the map, York decided to drive forward. This turned out to be the wrong way. The especially wrong way with a camper trailer. We found ourselves up a very narrow, steep, driveway width, dirt/gravel road. It was gorgeous, though. Must have been some old maintenance road for an old damn. There were all these old abandoned structures covered in moss. It looked like somewhere out of lord of the rings. But that doesn't help anyone turn around a camper trailer. York tried once and it didn't work. I ran up the mountain to see if there was anywhere to turn around at all. York contemplated going backwards. There was a lot of swearing. But, I found an old campsite and York backed the camper trailer into it (again, a lot of swearing and stress. The boys were crying when I got back in the van after guiding (apparently not my strength) York into the spot, because they thought York was going to run me over or perhaps leave me there, or both). Anyway, York got us out of there and onward! to the campsite. It was lovely, but full. Oh so full. The lady told us of another spot about 5 miles North up the BRP: Crabtree Meadows. Ok, so we went there in our broken van. We finally found it and found a spot and it started to rain. Luckily, it didn't last long and so we set up camp and I cooked some delicious burgers and corn and we made s'mores. We went to a ranger program on spiders, bears, and snakes. I spent the rest of the trip worried about these things though I don't think that was the point of the program at all. Wiley asked tons of really intelligent questions, and made lots of comments, so much so that several others from the campground commented throughout the remainder of the trip how smart he was. Archer sat in the back in case he had to puke since he had a stomach ache from too many marshmallows. Everyone seemed happy and we went to bed in the cool, non humid, mountain air.
The next morning we woke up to York's alarm. York then left and drove the van into Marion to get it fixed. The children and I stayed behind and I cooked some eggs, toast, coffee and we had breakfast. We then decided that, yes, we can hike to the falls. The ranger assured me that families do it all the time...but I wasn't sure that a mother and three wee children could do it. But I'm a Dondero damnit, so I was pretty sure I could do it. Plus, I had leftover chocolate to bribe/energize any child who didn't think he could make it back up the mountain. We actually had a great hike. Wiley commented how beautiful nature was and how he should play less video games and do more hikes. Archer thought mother nature was really smart for making so much cool stuff for us to walk on, like rocks and roots. We talked out loud to keep the bears at bay. We took our time and stopped for photos and breaks. There was minimal falling. The most I had to yell was "walk" and "no jumping" because there really were rocks jutting up all over the place, and you know, we were on the side of a mountain. We were the only ones on the trail. I think we started our hike close to 8am. This made me slightly nervous, but once we got to the falls we had them all to ourselves for a long time. I loved it. The boys played all over the rocks and got in the clear, clean water. It was really peaceful. They both peed in it. Eventually lots of others came and we headed back up. The boys were absolute troopers. Archer pooped out at one point, about .2 miles from the end, I'd guess. So I carried him on my back, while he wore the backpack and Cora Bell was on my front. Wiley carried my camera and was such a help. We both did our best to bribe Archer to walk, but he just wouldn't budge. It wasn't so bad, but I felt it! We made it back, rested and ate quesadillas and fruit for lunch. York got back and napped in the camper while we spent the rest of the lovely day playing endless games of mother may I, hide and seek, and tag you're it. They were tired, though, and started to argue and fight by the time bedtime rolled around. I cooked some delish hotdogs with a side of mango. We were exhausted.
The next morning we got up and the first thing Archer said was "I peed in the bed"(/couch) then he asked to play hide and seek and tag you're it. So we did. It was cold, up there in the mountains at 7am. I also made breakfast of toast and fruit. We played and packed up, ready to get on the road around10.45. There was more direction from me to York to hook the camper up to the van...which, again, isn't my strength, but there wasn't as much yelling. And we were off. As we were pulling out of the entrance of the campground there was this horrible crashing sound, a rev of the engine, and a scraping sound. Then the van stopped. The camper had come unhooked from the van! Luckily York had put a secondary chain around the camper hitch and the the van, so it didn't roll down the hill, but he wasn't quite sure how to hook it back up again. Luckily every man in the campground came over to help and share stories of how they've done the same thing at one point or another. They shared wood blocks and advice and we were off...again. And for a while all was smooth sailing; except the tv in the van broke, and I didn't pack much more in terms of activities, but the boys were such troopers. Barely fought, never whined. Archer and CB slept, a lot. So, as we made our way down the mountain I had visions of the camper flying off the hitch again and this time slamming into the back of the van--right about where CB and I were sitting. I had visions of it flying off the side of the mountain and that dang old chain hanging onto the van and pulling us along with it over the edge. Luckily that didn't happen. I did, however, think York was driving very fast down the mountain. Then I realized why. I realized why when the smell of burning rubber came wafting into the van. Turns out the brakes were over heating and smoking and burning. So we did this intense pull off that was like a really rough air plane landing and we sat there for a while on the side of the road until the brakes stopped smoking. Then we were off, again. The remainder of the trip was punctuated by uneventful bathroom breaks, taco bell for lunch, and peeing in bottles for the boys. 7 hours later and we were home!!

I overheard Wiley tell Olive: “My aunty Mimi is getting married and she said I could take the rings down the aisle.”

Wiley finished his summer camp and asked if he could go back the following week. There is no camp the following week, unfortunately. The first two mornings there were tears so I was glad to overhear him tell the director that “I'll miss camp.” It was an outdoor camp where he learned to kayak, read a compass, and did lots of hiking.

Grammy asked Wiley what he wants for his birthday...
"Can you give me some birthday money?"
"Sure, how much do you want?"
"$10"
"Ok"
pause. Obviously thinking that this request was much easier than expected
"Wait, can I have more?"

Cora Bell is doing great with her hand coordination. She is pulling velco Australian animals out of the book pop gave the boys a few years ago. She is also crazy for food. She hasn't been fed anything formally, but has had: popsicles, icecream, mango, toast with jelly (Wiley's breakfast he made the mistake of setting down near her and not watching carefully; I had walked out of the room briefly and when I returned she was eating it), cereal, and avocado.

And Archer is really surprising me again with all the stuff he's picked up on that he doesn't even let you know he's listening to. He's at home now with Wiley, Cora Bell, and York and seems to love being part of the gang.the other day he said, "mom when I smile at someone it makes them smile back, see"

My baby is definitely teething! She is sticking everything into her mouth in a very aggressive manner. Today she sucked on a mango and lunged at it if I tried to remove it. She is really into grabbing everything...remember that stage? She's so fun and happy and laughs really easily. I love getting to know her.

Mom, I'm going to give cora bell this plastic bag with a knife in it,ok?---archer

things seem a bit back to normal today. When Wiley hit Archer during a light saber battle I heard him say "where did I get you? I'm sorry. If I do the booty dance will it make it better?"

I just sent my children to their room for the rest of the day. So far, it's working. I think they're bored and out of sorts without having much of a schedule this summer, but oh boy. I tried to take them to the pool today. I had to pull over on the way there to separate their car seats. Archer is really into sticking out his tongue, shouting NO and/or plain old refusing, and Wiley is into copying everything you say, laughing at you, and eventually they both punch, bite, or scratch the eyes out of the other. At the pool they were in time out twice before I called it off. We were only there for an hour.

Archer has now gone two nights without peeing in the bed and without wearing pull ups. I guess he just needed to regress for a few days. He wore his pull ups all day for about two days--like underwear.we also had a talk about how I will love him no matter how big he gets and how he'll always be my baby and I'll always give him hugs,etc. he has been making some developmental leaps lately so a lot of this makes sense. He's been swimming under water,pushing himself to write his name,trying not to cry when he gets hurt, etc.

Archer didn't pee in his pull up last night. Go figure.

"This is the mom song. Since Moms are great. Moms are better than chocolate cake."
-it may or may not be an original. I couldn't get a good understanding of where it came from.

Archer is wearing pull ups, after day 7 of bed wetting.
Cora Bell is sitting pretty well now. She loves to play and touch things and try to put them in he mouth. She loves popsicles. She has bascially had all the flavors the boys have had (orange, strawberry, and grape) at least they are whole fruit ones, but still...she will lung for them and grab them with both hands then roll her tongue all over the place when she gets it close to her mouth. She is still the happiest baby ever.

5th night in a row that Archer has wet the bed. I can't figure out why.

Wiley was invited for a sleep over last night at Edward's, but he didn't want to go. He did go for a playdate, but there were significant anxiety tears at drop off. He got over it and had a good time then Edward came home with us to sleep over. Mostly it went well. Edward had a few minutes of I want to go home right before he fell asleep close to 9pm; Wiley fell asleep close to 10pm. Now they are awake at 5.45am.

"What tastes delicious, but is full of pp?

Wiley made this joke up today and the punch line is apples.

Archer is a mad man swimmer. Jumps in fearlessly. Goes under fearlessly.

York reports that Wiley and he had some deep talks at bedtime. I admit I am jealous about this. I don't get this from Wiley ever and I wish I did. Wiley asked how he could feel so much in his heart when it is just a blobby thing in his chest. He also had a conversation about 'what if my friends find out I play girl games with Olive?" York reassured him and gave him some good advice (don't tell them, or have a sense of humor about it, and recognize that not everyone has a chance to play with girls and when he grows up girls will really like him for this) and ultimately told Wiley "just be yourself" and Wiley told York, "when I get to be a man and have kids I'm going to tell them this."

this weekend

phew. On Saturday I packed up three children and took off to the amtrak station. Of course, we were running late because I spent the morning with Archer and Cora Bell harvesting onions and garlic (Wiley played legos in the background). The garlic is hanging from the front porch and the onions are in the guest cabin basement. I'm trying to figure out how to make these not rot a la Little House on the Prairie so we can enjoy them all year. It's likely, though that I will make some onion soup soon and I really love roasted garlic on pizza/pasta.
Anyhoo. We got on the train and rode to Greensboro. Mostly they were just excited about being able to stand up and move around during the ride, but eventually they settled down looking out the windows--mostly looking for trash, but appreciating the back view of the route. Grammy picked us up and we hung out with her that afternoon. She took Wiley and Acher to the movie, Brave, and then came home and went swimming. Wiley is a total fish at this point and didn't need his swimmies even in a pool in which he couldn't touch bottom. He dives under and does summersaults and is all over the place. Archer wore swimmies, but was doing great putting his face under and blowing bubbles. After swimming, we went back to grammies, York arrived, then York and I went out to dinner while all three children stayed with grammy. Apparently it wasn't a great success of sleeping children. Archer reported "I cried for you last night" and Cora Bell was pretty much awake when we got home. Dinner was nice. I ate too much and drank two glasses of wine, so I was pretty hesitant to nurse CB when I got home which means the next morning I was feeling overly full, but since I didn't have a pump I thought I was out of luck. Wiley, however, suggested I just squeeze the milk into a cup. I said I couldn't do that because I wasn't a cow. Later, though, I tried, and who knew! it worked...and helped.
On Sunday grammy and the boys went swimming. Grammy convinced Archer to try jumping in from the side of the pool. He was really against it, but somehow she got him to try it and then he kept doing it. Grammy kept upping the ante and by the end of the day Archer was swimming under water without any floaties at all and jumping in from the side of the pool to touch the bottom. He'd declare I'm ready now and take off swimming under water on his own. It was very cool to watch. He can hold his breath for a long time!

Archer told me that he was going to throw the egg yolk from the center of his peach into the forest.

Today we took the Bull City Connector to the Scrap Exchange. This is a free bus in Durham that Wiley's class has taken from Duke to downtown. We, instead, took it from downtown to East Durham. A totally different experience. In going toward East Durham you pass charming places such as the Health Department, the library, the homeless shelter, and my old place of employment, DSS. That stop in front of DSS was fun!

The boys loaded up at the Scrap Exchange--a half thrift store half dump. The boys got a $2 bag full of used bottle tops; old, half used crayons, envelopes without "the licky part", and an old computer mother board. Cora Bell was a champ.

Cora Bell is at this stage that will quickly pass where she is so big, but so unwieldy. Pretty soon she will be able to sit up instead of wobbling side to side in response to her big head. Soon she'll be able to rest on my hip instead of needing both my arms to hold her weight. There will be less flopping and less reliance. It's fun to have a third baby and watch and understand all this development in a much more present way. Before I think I was only surviving babyhood.

Archer is excited about being a ring bearer. In fact, he wants to make a stuffed hand pillow of his own to carry the rings to Mimi. He keeps asking me about what else he will need for Mimi's wedding and how he will do this all by himself. He's funny since this isn't a job he's officially been offered.

Wiley and Archer and I, and CB, have been swimming now that it's finally getting hot here! And Wiley is all over the place in the pool, no swimming support blow up device needed. He's getting so great and swimming, not in any official way, but he's done really well. And today, Archer figured out how to go under the water. This is a kid who would scream at getting water in his eyes in the bath, so I'm really glad to see that he's putting his head under and floating around. He really enjoys wearing goggles.

I finally put the crib back together (after Cora Bell scooched off the toddler bed form it was in one night). She's in there now, I think I'll leave her there and see how the night goes...I'll finally figure out exactly how she sleeps at night.

Some toilet stories:
Archer says, while sitting on the toilet, in an awed voice: "mom! my body lets the pee come out and it keeps it in as well!"

Wiley reported: "we double peed and I won by a drip!"
"you won?"
"whoever pees the longest wins."

busy

Cora Bell is grabbing her toes and can sit up for a few seconds before she topples over. She's growing quite a bit of hair and drooling a lot. She laughs herself silly any time her brothers pay her the slightest attention.

Wiley, Archer, and I made strawberry ice cream and jello popsicles this weekend. I thought I had a bunk ice cream maker, but adding salt to the ice really makes the difference. Instead of spinning for hours without freezing like before, this time I added salt and the ice cream was made in about 30 mins. The popsicles were an experiment and I think frozen jello is kinda gross, but the boys liked them.
We also made popsicle stick treasure boxes, meant for father's day, but given before the glue was dry.
Today we made our own stuffed animals after I got home from work and during breaks while I made dinner (which by the way was a Thai inspired shrimp fried rice, which the boys ate up heartily, unexpectedly, so there wasn't quite enough for me!) This was a learning process. Wiley made a design that turned out to be overly complicated and difficult to stuff and difficult for me to sew. Archer made a kind of legless/wingless/crownless chicken that turned out well. They are up for making some more tomorrow so I think we'll refine our process and techniques....look out Christmas gifts!
We also made a list of things to do this summer. I'm excited about it. (from basics, like catching fireflies to something more complex like having friends over to camp in the yard).
The boys have also been super helpful in catching japanese beetles, which are destroying my garden. They particularly love my grapevine. Seriously, we catch about 50 a day, at least, and feed them to the chickens. This fall I will resort to whatever I have to put in the garden to kill their larvae/eggs. Even as much as I truly hate them, the lacy patterns they make of the grape leaves are quite pretty. They also eat my blueberry bushes and dahlias.

the end of the school year

Wowzer. I may just keep my children home from now on. The end of the school year is hard and full of crying. The Quakers seem to be really good at this reflecting and appreciating thing which just means more tears. Carmen sent Wiley home with a slideshow of photos of him throughout the year and he just sat on the sofa and watched it over and over again cuddling his buildabear. He had one major, super sob, "I'm going to miss my school so much. It's why i wanted to flunk! It's such a wonderful place." I know, Wiley, I know; me too. Then he got out his notebook and said he was going to draw all his memories.
Last night they had a risers ceremony with a Quaker silent reflection part. Folks speak as the silence moves them to discuss their reflections on the school year. I cried as I talked about how even though Wiley walked through the door on his first day teary eyed and scared I never worried about him in that school ever. Because the place was so full of love and caring. York even spoke during the ceremony and talked about how he loved that Wiley learned about the greek gods and goddesses (in kindergarten!) and how Wiley walked around proudly declaring he was named after "the 'Wiley' son of kronos." Wiley spoke about how he is going to miss his friends, miss his teachers, miss everything.
Tonight I was unpacking the bag he brought home full of the clothes I had sent for emergencies/accidents and bwahwahwah I cried as they are just all too small for him and will have to passed onto Archer. Big feelings happening around here.
Friends school really is beyond wonderful so if anyone would like to win the lotto on my behalf I would appreciate it. York and I don't really see eye to eye on continuing education there; it's our major fight nowadays and I don't see that changing...

Cora Bell is reaching for things and seems to be making it to her mouth with those things. Her night sleeping is a bit wonky right now. I hope she gets back to whatever she was doing before as I have no idea about sleep training.

Archer is ready for preschool and likes to talk about what he's going to do and learn and about how he will be moving on from Sherrill's, but I'm just not ready for that yet, either.

CB went to the doctor with York today. She's doing great. at 4 months she is 19lbs 8 oz! That's 99th percentile.

On her first plane ride she did great. cried a bit, but mostly did her happy thing. Spit up a few times that landed on two guys shoes....

Wiley and Archer were playing 'what do you love more....this or that?" and one of them said, "what do you love more, Candy or Cora Bell." Then Wiley said, "compared to Cora Bell, it's like all the candy is rotten."

Today I had to call poison control when I caught Archer eating, like chewing and swallowing wisteria leaves. Wiley admitted to eating two and half leaves himself, because he "heard leaves were nutritious." I must say I freaked out a bit, but I explained my freaking out was because I was scared and not angry, but that's a tough one to tell the difference for a kid. Poison control lady said we have diarrhea and vomiting to look forward to.

Wiley loves this band, Neon Trees, they have some good songs that I think we all enjoy listening to, which is good because Wiley turns the CD on first thing in the morning and pushes repeat all day long!

Today I made a super cool bow and arrow out of a maple branch and twine, but no one was that into it. I shot a few sticks I pretended were arrows; more than the boys. I made the bow and arrow because Archer is always talking about how he's named after an Archer/the bow and arrow guy.

I also found a gorgeous birds nest. No one cared. And York/grammy found a snake skin, and they were all 'eh'. Maybe they're too young? Maybe they're too digitized?

Cora Bell seems to be reaching for things and pulling them into her mouth. Not with a lot of control, but trying. She is also trying to roll from her back to her front. And she's still really happy and smiley. She looooves her brothers and her father. All they have to do is say Hello and she starts laughing--especially Wiley. Wiley and Archer both love "reading" to her.

Grammy came over for mother's day and we had a nice dinner and time hanging out; you know, so I could cut the grass. As she was leaving Wiley said "thank you for making us this mom."

amendment one

Hello Friends,

My meeting group will be going to Duke's East Campus to try and measure a kilometer on Friday morning. The children will need a water bottle (please check that it doesn't leak) in a backpack for this trip. Also, because we will be doing A LOT of walking, this would be a wonderful day for sturdy, comfortable walking shoes.

Also, I wanted to let you know that the children in my meeting group shared their opinions on Amendment One yesterday-- sparked by their participation in voting with parents. The discussion continued this morning as they shared their disappointment that Amendment One passed (Wiley surveyed the group and their was consensus around this feeling). Many children reflected on families they know that would be affected by this amendment-- so there was a personal connection. Some children expressed a desire to protest, and reflected what they had learned about the Civil Rights Movement. Phillip mentioned that we needed another Freedom Ride, and in solidarity Eva said she was moving out of this state when she was older so she could choose who she was going to marry. Alexa questioned why the government wasn't making the decision since not everyone agreed on the amendment. What a valuable opportunity this was for us!

My role during this conversation was to support the children as they expressed their opinions. I tried to explain why some people want the amendment, while others do not, as well as answer their questions and clarify some of their misperceptions. There was some confusion about what an amendment is and how it is different than a law. There was also discussion about voting versus consensus and whether a majority should be able to make decisions for the minority. Furthermore we discussed why the government had to ask the people to vote instead of making the decision. Moreover the children asked what the President thought of this amendment, which led to a discussion about the way our President has experienced discrimination (because of his skin complexion as well as his father's religious beliefs). So many rich thoughts and ideas, but it was clear that these discussions just touched the surface of what still needs to be thought through and understood. I wouldn't be surprised if there is still some confusion about this amendment. It's quite a complex idea to understand government, laws, constitutions, amendments... not to mention equal rights and who is eligible to be considered married. You may want to continue the discussion at home where you can better gauge your child's understanding of these very complex ideas.

I do have to say that I felt so honored to be present to their heartfelt desire that everyone be treated equally and make their own decision. I was touched by their warmth and kindness, care and consideration for the rights of other human beings. Your children are amazing.

And as always, please let me know if you have any questions or thoughts.

Affectionately,

Carmen
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Thank you, Carmen.
This is a beautiful email and summary of the day. I've read it a few times now and each time I tear up. I so, so appreciate having you as Wiley's teacher.
-Elizabeth
********************************************************

Thanks, Elizabeth. I must say Wiley's emotional intelligence has really shined through during these discussions. He has a deep, mature beyond his years, compassion for everyone affected by this amendment. I loved listening to his thoughts and questions. You have a lot to be proud of... He was thoughtful and quite articulate during these discussions. As a matter of fact, he led and guided much of the subject matter.

So glad I had this year with your whole family!

Carmen

Wiley finished up his acting class. He performed well, as a sheep in The Boy Who Cried Wolf, as the Hunter in the Lion and the Mice, and as a Mouse in Belling the Cat. He had no speaking lines, but pantomimed his little heart out and threw in a few ad libbed lines anyway. And a few ad libbed pantomimes as well. What a ham. He said he loved it and can't wait for the next season. If you want, I videotaped the whole thing, just let me know!

CB just continues to be as happy as can be. She wakes up with a gummy smile every morning and is now a rolling over pro. (from front to back).

Archer continues to amaze with his quiet observations that he'll throw out again months later....Like one day I'll mention some music on the radio is my favorite song, kind of just saying that to myself, and the next time we hear that song Archer will say to me, "that's your favorite song, right mom?"

Hi-larious

The other night I was giving all three a bath. Two boys in the tub and CB in a baby tub on the floor next to the tub. Archer kept chucking his washcloth out of the tub into CB's tub or at me. I would say calmly dont throw that again,please wash your face. He kept throwing it. Then finally he threw it and it landed on my shoulder so I yelled, "grrr!" Next thing I knowCB is laughing her butt off at me! Seriously, laughing. And pretty soon everyone was laughing (at me). I'm so screwed!

mastitis

darnit

strange conversations

I love Wiley's school. I really think he's getting an amazing education and experience; and so am I. I guess I knew theoretically about wealthy people, and I thought I knew wealthy people, but apparently there is a whole layer of WEALTHY people I thought only existed in Holllywood or politics, but not in my own community. And, as a result, I keep having these kinds of conversations:

Other mother to her child at pick up time: "Let's go now, we have to pick up Irma. She's waiting for us at the doctor's."
Me: "oh, that's cute, is that what you call your grandma?"
Other mother: "No, that's out housekeeper's name."

Me, while having a conversation with other mother who had mentioned previously that she was working on finding an internship for her highschool aged son (that alone was an indication that she was WEALTHY--I didn't know anyone who did an un-mandated internship during the summer in highschool--but that's not the point here.) Also, you have to know that there is a public high school in Durham called Jordan High.
me: "Have you had any luck finding son an internship?"
Other mother: "Well, I think instead he's considering doing an exchange program with Jordan" (he goes to a boarding school in the mountains, currently)
Me: "Oh, wow. How do you feel about that?"
Other mother: "Well, I'm not sure. It would such be a great opportunity for him."
Me: [blank stare, trying to compute]
Other mother: "The current king started this school modeled after Deerfield academy in X (Connecticut?) and he's been studying Arabic for two years, so I know he'd love it....."
Me: "ooooh."

Other mother: "Do you all have plans for spring break?"
Me: "well, we might go to the zoo, but gas is so high... I don't know. What about you?"
Other mother: "We're going to go to our house in the bahamas."
Me: "oh."

me, following upon a previous conversation: "have you had any luck finding a nanny?"
other mother: [with depressive sigh] "no"
me: "oh, that's too bad. you think you could find a duke student to help out."
OM: "well I really need someone who can help clean the house, too. My husband travels so much for work...and we're (her and her 2 kids) in this big house..."
me: "oh, are you working?
OM: "no."

and then there's this from Wiley, "Edward lives in LUXURY"-- he says it like it's in italics even.

They're all really lovely, nice, normal people; we just lead very different lives.

CB update

Cora Bell is just moving along, being her easy going self. She is laughing all the time, appears to be ticklish. Loves getting her diaper changed. Is really easy to read. Sleeps well; like, for hours at a time all through the night. I really thought I messed up the first two's sleeping habits, but now I'm starting to think it's more tied to personality. Anyhoo. She's gaining more control over herself--her arms don't flail as much and she can sit in the car more contently now. She "really wants to be happy." That's what York said and I think it really sums her up. I know everyone really wants to be happy, but she is just going to be a jolly, optimistic, smiley kind of person. She really seems to love being outside, especially in her swing or laying back a bit so she can see the tree tops against the sky. She's smiling at strangers in the store. People call her a boy; which is so funny because they'd call Wiley and Archer girls...She's awesome.

Archer was spinning and fell down. He then asked me "it's not really tipping, is it?"
"what, honey?"
"the house?"
"no, it's just the way your eyes make it look!"

How cool.

good day

Today after acting class we walked down to the durham farmer's market, bought a baguette and added that to the cheese, turkey, spinach, and chocolate chip oatmeal cookies I brought with me. Then Amelia, Andy, Donovan, and Olive joined us. The kids ate for a minute then took off. They played some amazing game on the giant field running between a tree on one side of the field and some bird sculpture on the other side. They played without incident for hours. I don't really know what they played but one time Olive came over "I came to say hello to the grandmas" (meaning Amelia and me). When we left Wiley was so full of mixed emotions, he said, "That was the best day of my life. I miss Olive already. I had the most fun. More fun than playing any video game or watching any movie [that is no doubt the biggest compliment ever. this kid loves his electronics]" When I asked what made the day so fun, he said, "friends" --meaning Olive and Archer.
Then we went to a birthday party, where there was more great behavior and fun!

back to work

Well, today was my first day back at work. Of course, that meant that everyone had a hard time sleeping. I must give off super vibes or something. I feel I can really affect others in my family. Anyhoo, I prepped bottles, pumps, lunches, clothes, diaper bags, school back packs, and work bags last night. Everything was ready! I updated York, pumped a fresh bottle before I left, gave him some tips on caring for Cora Bell and was out the door on time with Wiley and Archer. Wiley's drop off went smoothly, but then I took Archer over to Sherrill's. On the way over I was thinking, how interesting that Sherrill doesn't take a day off at Easter, but then we knocked on her door and she answered in her nightgown. It was her day off! She had emailed this out and I forgot/didn't write it down/oops. So, Archer went to work with me on my first day back. I called York and explained the situation to him. Our plan was for York to bring Cora Bell to his studio anyway so I could watch her when I left work at 1.30pm, so I asked if he'd be able to come down earlier and get Archer. Archer was very good, played quietly and by himself, so I actually managed to get quite a bit done and I purposely scheduled nothing on my first day back, so it wasn't that bad. And, of course, I have the best job ever and both my big bosses were out of town, so it was really just Renee (my direct supervisor and friend) at work anyway. York showed up around 11.30am and said Cora Bell had been crying a lot and wasn't taking her bottle. He though perhaps she had a cold and was choking on the bottle nipples. We figured out she was probably just overly tired and couldn't get herself to sleep. So he took Archer and I kept CB at work until I left. Phew. So I guess tomorrow will be a more official first day. We'll see how that goes....

easter

Successful Easter egg hunt--about 10 mins! not sure how I feel about having to wait 30 years to get credit for all the work that goes into these holidays....thanks mum!

they both got beyblades...(expensive battling sinning tops), a book (W-captain underpants A-charlottes web), and some star wars undies (courtesy of grammy) in their baskets. They were disappointed there were no choc bunnies....next year!

I just had  a brilliant idea for dinner and I plan on doing this a lot once the garden starts producing, and I can't believe I haven't done it before. But we had "make your own salad night." I laid out spinach, dried cranberries, sliced almonds, cubed mango, cheese, olives, pita chips, and a few varieties of salad dressing and everyone ate and was happy! That never happens.

Wiley just told York "you are awesome. You are Jesus Christ." We're working on understanding the whole religion stuff. This weekend we read the entire children's bible twice. oy. 

The other night I went to sleep thinking about how lucky my family is to receive so much goodness from family and from strangers. I don't know if I look completely overwhelmed and incapable when I go out in public; that probably underestimates the kindness of people, but I always have someone helping me out when I go out. Like the other day, I was asking Archer to pass me his trash, he was distracted and couldn't quite reach all the trash in the way he was sitting and some lady came over and handed me the trash so I could tidy up our area. Wow. People bring me shopping carts and take mine back to the shopping cart area all the time. The substitute teacher at Wiley's school made us dinner after York's accident for crying out loud! It makes me all throat lumpy and eye teary just to think about the kindness in the world.

CB just had her 2 mo appt; she is 14.1lbs.  I just checked to see what archer was, and he was 17.9lbs!  And when Dr. Debbie put her down on her belly to look at her back she rolled over from belly to back! Boys went with me and were quite helpful, holding her hands during vaccines. I took them to the lego store to get a "build a figurine" box and to costco for frozen yogurt...classy!

Wiley has learned to tie his shoes! The first day he got so frustrated--crying under the table kind of frustrated--brought back memories of trying to learn calculus! And I got frustrated at his frustration and so we took a break to watch youtube videos of learning to tie your shoes. He got the first knot down the first day but would make his loops at the end of the laces and I couldn't get him to make them close to the knot. The next day he asked York to help him and then he mastered it. He spent the afternoon jogging and re-tying his shoes. He's so proud of himself. It's great!

Saturday night Wiley and Archer decided they wanted to sleep in the camper van. So, Cora Bell, Wiley, Archer, and I slept out in the camper. It was fun, but I think I got about 10 mins of sleep between the fireworks??? (that the kids were worried were gunshots), the cat meowing at the door, the requests for water, needing to pee (outside!!), the fighting for space in the beds, and the growing pains that needed rubbing...oh, and the baby who needed nursing and burping!

a few things we're doing these days:

wiley and Archer are really excited about the idea of one day going to the grand canyon. They especially want to go in one side, sleep at the bottom, and go out the other side. They think it's super cool that I did this.

they are only taking showers these days. Much quicker than a bath. Don't know how clean they actually get and since there isn't a bath being run regularly, poor Cora Bell doesn't get cleaned too often....

they love to get out of the car at the top of the driveway and run home behind the car.

Archer loves to stop at drainage grates and peer down them. When he sees one he'll stop and say, "check it out."

Yesterday we gave CB her first bottle. Much later than I had planned. I actually pumped a bottle and planned on doing it the same day that York had his accident, sooo, three or so weeks later and she's getting it now. She didn't take to it right away, but with some coaxing, Wiley and I got her to take it. York still can't hold her. I go back to work in two weeks and the plan is for York to watch her, but not sure how that's going to work out. She's much more alert and so harder to put down for a nap and hard to put down at all--doesn't like it! She's also smiling a ton. I think her clogged tear duct unclogged, it isn't getting as gunky as it was a few days ago.

Yesterday I also killed a black widow just sitting on the porch. They are everywhere, so it's not a country living thing. Also, my tulips and azaelas look better than they ever have. I think this is because of chicken poo. The chickens love to hang out under the azaelas when they are out of their run.

Archer had his first play date today. We took his friend, Sophie, with us to play for a short while. Sophie goes to Sherrill's with him and is moving onto preschool in May. They had a nice time. She is very outgoing and introduced herself and Archer to anyone they met and held Archer's hand when some other kids intimidated him on the slide. I got them frozen yogurt, which they mixed with cups of water to make "milk shakes" then didn't drink...Then it was over!

Tonight we had a letter P dinner, pizza and pancakes picnic. I tried to get them to have it on the porch, but they insisted on the grass. We read a book about the millenium falcon and played a game of finding pictures in the clouds. We are reading Little House on the Prairie, and they just made butter in the part we read so I bought some heavy cream and we made whipped cream...I probably should have just made the butter, but whipped cream is good on pancakes too! It was a nice evening and bedtime was easier than normal, too, who knows if that had something to do with it or not...

I took the boys to the dentist today and happened to mention I thought Cora Bell was getting a tooth. The dentist looked at it for me and said the white spot on her gums wasn't a tooth, but instead was a cyst that would go away. I guess from nursing. I'm glad it's not a tooth, I felt so bad for her to get a tooth so early. Wiley has a cavity between his teeth and Archer had none. They were so good, both just sat and followed all the directions. Wiley would sit up now and then to ask Archer, "how are you doing, Archer?" and Archer would give him a thumbs up. Wiley got an x-ray (that's how they saw the cavity) and flouride on his teeth; Archer didn't. Every night when I fight them to brush their teeth and every morning when I insist on brushing them despite always running late I just try to keep in mind not having to pay for fillings. Oh well on Wiley's, it could have been more than one, I guess.

this is probably boring, but I am really excited about my garden and my bees! My bees are so happy. I was so worried they were going to die in the winter, but they are so healthy and they've grown their colony. Now I'm just worried about them again: that they won't swarm and leave me, that they won't succumb to Colony collapse disorder, that all the tobacco pesticides around here won't kill them, etc, etc. I love seeing them buzzing around. They make me so happy. And my chickens are laying eggs like crazy, there are 42 eggs in my fridge! I can strap Cora Bell on and Wiley and Archer will usually hang out with me out there and help a little. I've got blackberries, raspberries, blueberries, strawberries, a fig tree, a muscadine vine, a peach tree, asparagus, potatoes (2 kinds), garlic, onions, spinach, romaine, peas, radishes (Archer's request), broccoli, beets, carrots, and a bunch of herbs. Can't plant the summer crops just yet, but that'll include tomatoes, basil, cucumbers, watermelon, lima beans, and maybe some peppers. Then in the fall, squash and pumpkins and the spring garden over again. No zucchinis this year I think; just not a huge fan. I'm really going to ramp up my canning, freezing, and preserving skills this year...

"mom!mom! one of your honeybees was looking for nectar on me!" --Archer

As I was wiping off Bobby's hands he turned to grammy and said "why is that girl wiping off my hands?"

I was in the store with Archer where he saw a man with a birthmark on his face and was asking what it was. I was explaining birthmark to him and said, "You know, like how your friend sophie has one on her forehead."  He then said, "NO. that's a bookmark; book-mark." (and enunciated the second bookmark very clearly and slowly so I wouldn't make that mistake again).

oh my goodness, my baby is getting a tooth.

Waaah. I am so sick, but Cora Bell doesn't have a fever, so I'm cool with everything, but physically very uncomfortable. I just want to sit and watch Vietnamese movies all day....alas. And, really, Universe? both boys wet the bed last night, but they didn't wake up, so I let them sleep in it. How's that for mother of the year?

Oh universe...I know I was a rotten kid, but really? is my karma this bad?
Bah, it's not really that bad. This morning I woke up at 4am and Cora Bell was hot and very snotty sounding. So, naturally, I panicked. I am good at this when it comes to healthy (or not) children and germs. I cried as I took her temperature because my pediatrician's office has a policy of automatically hospitalizing babies under 2 months if they have a temp of 100.4 or above. Luckily, she was 100.07. Thank goodness for my good thermometer. She definitely has a cold, though. Poor baby. I also have a cold and I hope it's the same one then I can at least give her some of my antibodies and hopefully she'll get better soon. But I feel awful, my throat hurts and I am congested, so she mustn't feel good herself. Wiley is also sick but his sickness appears different, more of a chest cough and congestion. I've begged and threatened him not to kiss or even touch Cora Bell, but everytime I blink he's sneaking up to kiss her. He doesn't understand, but I'd like to run away with her for a few days...but, oh! I can't because York still has a broken shoulder. So I help him put on his pants and make him breakfast and neither of us has showered so we stink just because there's no time. (why aren't I showering now instead of writing this blog? because my sick baby is sleeping on me so she can breathe in a semi up-right positon, draining some of her mucous). As I was rushing us all out the door this morning the cats had left a mole head and pile of guts on the welcome mat. I tried picking this mess up, but the guts are squooshed on the mat, so I guess I have to scrub them off. It's gross. Really cats? Archer's healthy, though he's three, and so sometimes is interested in cooperating, but sometimes isn't--especially in the morning, like when it comes to getting dressed, he would rather remain naked or in his pajamas. The pajama thing isn't so bad, he's gone to Sherrill's many times in his pjs, but the naked thing is a pain. Or it's a pain when he wants his milk in a certain cup or wants his breakfast jelly sandwhich NOT CUT after I've already cut it. While I'm negotiating all this, picture me with my baby in one arm nursing her. Luckily it's been warm the last two days so I haven't had to make fires in the morning, which I did the first few days after York's accident. that sucked. Anyway, I dropped the boys off then helped York work I typed invoices, cropped photos, etc. for him and did some of my work (I'm working some from home again so I can "take" my fully paid 8 weeks--woohoo). Then I picked up Archer and dropped a package off at the post office for York and took Archer on a walk to get a cupcake; that was nice. Then we went to go get Wiley, York walked in to get him. Cora Bell started crying so I nursed her and we all sat in the car until she was finished. Wiley had pooped in his pants a bit at school. he was so embarrassed. He said he didn't tell his teachers, just changed his undies at school all by himself. So we started to drive home and made it about a mile when Wiley said he had to poop again. We stopped at a BP and Cora Bell started crying again so I nursed her until Wiley and York came out of the BP they got to the car then immediately turned around because he had to go again. When they finally got out to the car York looked at me and said "just drive home. No matter what any kid says or needs, just drive." It'd had been that kind of day/week. I just laughed and laughed. York said something about his broken shoulder and it not being laughable. But somedays you just gotta laugh, right.

Tonight, I caught Wiley combing his hair in front of the mirror. I asked what he was doing, he said he was making his hair Perfect so all the girls would love him. He then started singing a song, All the girls will love me, all the girls will love me. When I talked to him about it he said there was one girl who didn't like him (Nora). When he asked her to marry him she said no. I asked about the other girls and he said Alex was his girlfriend, but he wasn't sure if they'd get married. And that he thought Avery "looked beautiful," but he didn't really like her. Then he told me not to look at him because he needed some privacy. What? Kindergarten?

Archer has been using Dago to work out his feelings about York's accident. Apparently Dago lost both his hands in a motorcycle accident, but Archer told me that "Dago has googleplex lives" so he doesn't die.

Archer kept telling me today that Dago (imaginary bear) lives on "anus." I kept telling him it was URanus, but I think he just hears "your anus" and so dropped the UR part.

Thursday night

York had band practice on Thursday night. He usually stays late and gets home around 1am. He had taken his motorcycle to band practice in order to take advantage of the 50 MPG it gets. I was worried about tornado warnings and I get alerts on my phone, so I took my phone to bed--something I never do unless I am worried about tornado warnings.

At 2.30am my phone rang. It was a number I didn't recognize so I let it go to voicemail. I assumed it was a work call (we get a fair number of emergency calls at night, but since I am on maternity leave I didn't feel obligated to answer it) or a wrong number. The number immediately called back so I answered it. "This is (some name) from the Duke Emergency room. We have your husband here." That'll wake you up. Then she said, he wanted me to tell you he's ok. Then she probably said more stuff, but I don't remember it and then I was talking to York.

He had been driving home on his motorcycle, up Guess Road, the more rural way home, but the way with less traffic--which he had chosen because he figured it was safer. As he drove around a corner, in the 55MPH speed limit zone, there was a deer in the road. York managed to avoid that deer, but a second one jumped out in front of him. He said everything slowed down and he knew just what to do. He made a decision to lock up his brakes because he wanted to slow down as much as possible. When he locked up the brakes the bike turned and he started to slide. He slid right into the deer and hit it with his shoulder. York said he'll never forget the feeling of the fur and the deer's ribs; it was like hitting a brick and so much bigger than he was on his bike. He heard his shoulder pop. After he hit the deer he continued to slide and slid across the road on the back plate of his jacket. He was wearing jeans and they basically disintegrated on his legs. When he stopped sliding he was in the middle of the road, but there was no other traffic. He couldn't get his legs to move and one of his arms didn't work. He dragged his body with his one good arm to the side of the road to avoid being run over when some traffic eventually did come. He couldn't get his phone out of his pocket so laid on the side of the road yelling for help. He says for only about two minutes until some one drove up. The man stopped and called 911. The first responders cut off his clothes, but wouldn't take his helmet off, so he couldn't see much, but he knew the deer wasn't yet dead. The EMS warned him he was going to hear a rifle shot soon..

York took an ambulance trip to the ER at Duke. Once there, they xrayed and gave him some morphine. York said they took about 70 xrays of his legs, but they were fine. They put his arm in a sling and Emily eventually picked him up for me at 6am. Wiley was most panicked about hearing about his dad. I actually wouldn't have told him until after school or at least after I'd seen York, but he overheard me on the phone when I was calling Emily for help picking him up. Which I didn't even know he was awake, so what he heard was completely un-kiddified.

So after he was home, I took the boys to school, picked up his meds and came back home. York asked for some help getting to the bathroom and I was helping walk him across the room when he started to fall and pass out. I caught him and laid him down, but that was scary, because I didn't actually put together what was going on. For all I knew he was dying.

Once the perkoset kicked in he was sleeping, when a sherriff pulled into our driveway. He said the number the hospital had was wrong so they asked him to come out to our house to relay a message that York had to get back to the ER ASAP because of something they saw on his chest xray. I called the nurse to find out more. They saw some kind of shadow, but didn't know if it was a bleed in his chest or not. I tried and tried to get York out of bed. He'd say No he doesn't want to go then he'd fall immediately back to sleep I called the nurse and told her I couldn't get him up and she said I had to keep trying. So by 1.30pm we were back at the ER. I had Cora Bell and I didn't want her in the ER--because where are the sickest people?  I feel bad about that, but there wasn't much I could do about it.

So York calls and tells me they took the chest xray, but now they want him to get a CT scan because they think he might have an aortic tear. He was scared. Wiley, Archer, and I (now all picked up from school) went to Amelia and Andy's house to wait for more news. At 7pm, after threatening to walk out of the ER for not being given any information or water to drink, York was told his chest looked fine and was discharged. We went home.

I have feelings about all this but haven't quite sorted them out yet. 

Cora Bell will be one month(4weeks) old tomorrow. Time flies. I go back to work April 9th, about a month away, that just makes me so anxious. Anyway, Dr. Debbie said she looks great. She has a clogged tear duct and weighed 11lb 3 oz. She is looking around more and grabbing onto things (not intentionally, though).

Yesterday she was wearing a sun hat and when Archer came home from school he said, "did you go to the beach?"

As Wiley was falling asleep he said to me, "you'll always be my mom and I will always love you. You'll always be my mom even if I marry another person or go live somewhere else, you'll still be my mom and I'll still love you, even when you're dead you'll still be my mom."

Archer said, "I love you mom, I love you so much."

No doubt about it. Today, Cora Bell was looking me right in the eye and I said, "hi Cora bell! I'm your mama" and she smiled. Then I laughed at her smile I was so happy and it's so freaking cute. Then she laughed along with me. No way this was gas. I tried to get it on video, but I didn't. I'll keep trying.

I know it's too early, but sometimes I swear she smiles at me and it's the best smile. her eyes close the way most Donderoes do and her mouth is open and wide. She's been holding her head up a lot recently. She love sleeping on her belly, only supervised, of course. She will take a dummy. She still sleeps well, a long stretch or two during the day and a long stretch at night. I think until about 3.30 or 4am then she becomes very grunty and needs a diaper change or a serious burping.

Wiley took his first acting class today. They mostly just did pantomime and practiced not using words. I think this will be very helpful for Wiley as I also just had a parent teacher conference with his teacher, Carmen. She said he's doing well--right where she expects him to be with regards to reading and writing. The biggest things she is working with him on are "resting his voice" so he won't be the last kid finished with his work and because he talks all the time; and on keeping focus on some of his work (like when he tells stories in his "writer's workshop" so he tells the same story all the way through the story.) Wiley's really excited about math and asked for more math work. She said she'd give him some math problems to do. He loves getting quizzed on sums and can do addition and subtraction. He can count with no problems up to 100 and by 2s and 10s. Carmen said he has a tight group of friends now--which is something he persisted at since the beginning of the year. She is very impressed with his emotional development, the way he can express himself ("verbally precocious"), and with his ability to intuitively understand the emotions of others.

Archer keeps surprising me with his smarts. Since he isn't as much of a talker always, sometimes it's easy to forget he's still absorbing everything; at some point he'll bust out some information about the way things work or some amazingly creative story line. He still has his family of imaginary bears. Dago has done just about everything on the planet. If one day I ask Archer if he wants to go iceskating he will talk for the next 20 minutes about how Dago is an olympic skater. Sometimes, Dago is conveniently imaginary, though. Like one time when Archer said he didn't want to go to sleep by himself and I suggested Dago could keep him company. Archer replied, "but Dago's not real." Archer is very happy about being a big brother and a little brother and things this is very cool. He loves Cora Bell and is always giving her a kiss and a hug every chance he gets. He is also very careful about washing his hands before he does this!

These kids are great. Yesterday when the weather was so nice, we had a great day. York was at a photo shoot, so it was just me and the three kiddos. Wiley and Archer spent the day getting along really well and playing all kinds of games. Mostly they made clubhouses out of the dog house and the guest cabin. They helped me with some gardening and we played in the sand box. Cora Bell just hung out in the moby wrap. We topped the day off with watching star wars. Quite peaceful.

Cora Bell went to see Dr. Debbie today. She is 9lbs 11 oz and doing great. Dr. Debbie showed me that Cora Bell has milk in her boobies because of my hormones. That is so strange, but Dr. Debbie joked that she isn't self sufficient, however.

well we're into week two and things are going well. Cora Bell is quite chill. Most days doesn't break into a cry at all, thanks to all the loving, hugging, and kissing she gets all day long from her brothers. I don't think she eats as much as the other two did, but she seems to be eating enough to fill up a good number of diapers each day. Archer is doing better. We've gone a few days without major meltdowns. The first few days he had a really hard time. Apparently had a very hard time at grammy's as well. He isn't as talkative as Wiley and so doesn't connect his thoughts/feelings as easily and instead acts out. Although he never took his anger out on Cora Bell he did take it out on me. Threw a bowl of ice cream at me, bit, hit, punched, spit, peed on the floor, etc. All of which was able to be remedied by a time out and a long hug and lots of kisses. He's very helpful, though. He loves to fetch diapers and help with wiping, etc.

Cora Bell's bellybutton fell off today! She got to wear pants with a waist band for the first time.

This morning was a bit rough for Archer. He didn't want to leave me when York tried taking him to Sherrill's, but he eventually complied with a donut bribe. I guess they had a good first day back. Wiley said he told his class at announcements about his sister.

When they came home they just wanted to see her! And they hugged and kissed and petted and patted her and sand to her. Wiley sang rock a bye baby. I may have mentioned this before, but when he sings that song he always adds an extra line because he otherwise hates how it ends. so he adds, "and mommy will catch you cradle and all."

Wiley was asking how delicate the baby is. I was saying that she can't really control her body so she can't defend herself and her bones are so tiny so they'd break easily. He says, 'so could you say she's as fragile as glass?' I said that is a great way to describe it. Then Archer says, "I'm as fragile as a brick."

1cm at 1 am.its going to be a long night. Think i Got some sleep, but contrax slowed.

3cm at 6 am, starting pitocin. Said once i get to 4 cm it should go fast.

Got some jello and gelato to eat. Contax kicking in. Have to pee every 5mins, quite a pain to drag the pump everywhere and dislodge the monitors. Owewww.

Ok, so here's the birth story.

At 9.35pm I was crawling out of Wiley and Archer's bed; I had fallen asleep with them after reading Where the Red Fern Grows, and I felt my water break. Two small gushes and I paused to try not to make a huge leaking mess but quickly got out of their room and woke York up to tell him what had happened. I called mum and Sarah to figure out who was going to come over to watch the boys. My water kept flowing and I had a few easy contractions here and there, nothing regular. I took a shower, tidied up the house, wrote a letter to the boys to let them know where I had gone, and got ready to go. Called the doctor, Dr. Andrews, at the hospital at 11pm. He said to come on in and so we left slowly and got to the hospital a little after midnight. We were greeted at the very quiet ER entrance by two unhelpful security guards and one friendly, but likely drunk or mentally ill man who wished us luck. The check in process was much slower this time than with the other two. I guess because I was much calmer and wasn't leaking water everywhere--even that had slowed down or had emptied. I got checked into my room and was given the option to walk around after I was monitored for 20 mins. I chose to try to sleep. I was having contractions about 7 mins apart and was still 1 cm. I must have slept a little as I had a dream about a woman I had met at a Christmas party who was pregnant crawling into my bed and asking for comfort and advice on giving birth. I don't know how long it takes to have a dream, so for all I know I could have only slept for 5 mins, but I felt ok enough and wasn't trying to sleep anymore by 5.30am. No one had come in to check on me all night. A lot of the hospital practices seemed to have changed since the last time I was there. Last time they came in every few minutes to take my blood pressure or something lame like that. Around 6am the nurse came in again and I asked her if walking around was really going to help my contractions pick up and she said that in her experience she hadn't really noticed that walking worked. I asked about pitocin, since I'd had that with Wiley I wasn't scared of it, and decided to have pitocin. I really, really wanted to avoid a c-section any way I could. She started the pitocin within a few mins. I was at 3cm. The contractions started coming and they were bearable. I really relied on mind over matter stuff, keeping my body relaxed and trying to appreciate the wonder of what I was doing. Plus, I talked a lot to Cora Bell, encouraging her to focus with me and come on out, keep things moving, and reminding her that we could do this. I kept having to pee. This was so weird, I think Cora Bell may have been on my bladder or it was the pitocin or it was the fluids they give you in addition to the pitocin, something was making me feel like I had to pee, but mostly I didn't. But seriously, every 5 mins I dragged my pitocin pump into the bathroom to sit on the toilet to no avail. Around 10am the nurse backed off on the pitocin to see what would happen, and things regulated and I felt like I could continue to manage the contractions. They were painful, and I think I might have done too good of a job of managing the pain because right around 10.30am my nurse came back in and upped the pitocin again. Things very quickly became awful. Wow. As much as I didn't think I'd ever forget that pain I can't figure out how to describe it now. Like being squeezed and crushed from the inside. I couldn't get comfortable at all. And then I felt the need to push!!! Thank goodness because there was no way I was going to be able to endure that pain for long. So the nurse and Dr. Andrews were called in and they got the bed and their equipment together. I thought I was going to have to push for a while, so I looked at the clock to try to remember how long I pushed for, I remember thinking, it's almost 11am. They had me push once, I thought it was a practice push, but then the doctor said push one or two more times and she'll be out. What?! So I pushed another time and she must have crowned because it was burning pain, and took a breath and her head came out. Then I waited for the next contraction. York said her umbilical cord was around her neck, I didn't see that. The nurse had me look down and see her head. I barely remember that, though. I just wanted her out. I pushed again, shoulders out, took a breath and the rest was out. I screamed during that last push, just like you see in stupid tv shows and stuff, the ones that I always say, labor isn't like that... Pushing this time was much harder than I remembered; I think before the nurse and York did more of the pushing my legs back to my ears and this time they relied more on me to push my legs back and I just didn't have the strength to do that. They put her on me, but I just kind of froze, I felt a little in shock from the pushing and the pain and I was trying to catch my breath. They left her on me for a long time. York said when I pushed at the end I pushed so hard he said all the veins in my face were exploding. They took her off me to wrap her up and dry her off. Then I had to deliver the placenta. That seemed harder than I remembered, but it also looked a lot bigger than I remember the boys' placentas being. They bucketed the placenta and cord blood for donation. Her apgars were 9 and 9 (highest scores of the kiddos!). 8lbs14oz. And she was born at 10.56am! same time I was born and pushing over within a few minutes! She was 8lbs 9 oz when we left the hospital on Saturday around 2pm. Oh and I had a 2nd degree tear and a few (3 I think) pinchy stitches.