Part II: What to say

Here are some of the things that I keep in mind when I try to talk to people.

1. I don't have to defend the advertising for prop 8 in the same way that I have from the church's position on genderless marriage. Some people are upset on the no side over perceived inaccuaracies. For example, they might be upset that some Yes on 8 advertisements were "lies". I haven't seen any that I would say are lies but I can understand why some could be criticized as misleading. For example, one mailer prominently displayed Obama with a quote that he believed that marriage was between a man and a woman. The quote is completely accurate but might lead you to believe that Obama supported prop 8, which he did not. I didn't like every ad for yes on 8 but the No side also had their own misleading statements. I didn't feel too bad for them in the end. If you click on the link to FAIR LDS on the right side, the wiki has links to the ads if you really care. A separate post will address the advertising used in prop 8. If it is troubling to you that the church was somehow affiliated with deceptive advertising, you should take the time to research the background on each claim. I think you will find that they are all factually based. Additionally you should not suppose that the ads were somehow produced by the church or that they articulated the church's position in the same way they would if they had full control over the content.


2. People's main objections usually boil down to "Why should you care who marries who. It doesn't affect you". At the end of this video, there are some of the reasons that it affects you. This video really was produced by the church so it falls in a different category in my mind than the other prop 8 stuff. I like to make sure I strike a similar tone in my conversations.



For more details and additional resources regarding why the church got involved and what the wider impacts of genderless marriage are on other people. I recommend the website the church put up (www.preservingmarriage.org)

One of the nice features about moral relativism is that since it's main tenets is that you can't tell someone that they are wrong, all you really have to do is tell people what you believe and show how acting on your beliefs would me more challenging if same-sex marriage were permitted. Leave it up to the individual you are talking to to sort out the challenges. I like for people to remember that not all 7 judges voted to overturn proposition 22 (the original marriage law). I like to ask if they know why three supreme court judges did not think that prop 22 should be overturned. Presumably these judges were also well-versed in the constitution of California and the civil rights implications but came to a different conclusion than the other 4. Most people on either side really haven't taken much time to understand the other. If I can convince someone on the no side that they really have to study the issue beyond viewing the 30 second ads on TV then I feel like I have had success.

Speaking with people that support same-sex marriage: A sermon I give myself. Part I: Preparation

Same-sex marriage (or genderless marriage as I will call it) is an incredibly charged issue. When people find out that you support traditional marriage, they may jump to conclusions about you based on stereotypes they have. "Anyone who believes that marriage is only between a man and a woman is a bigot." This has been repeated so many times with such forceful rhetoric that many have taken it as fact. Your main task will be to try to show them that they have false ideas about the people who defend traditional marriage. In order to do this, you will have to listen to THEIR point of view. You should be prepared to hear things that challenge your beliefs.

You will probably encounter sincere, intelligent, well-intentioned people who will make good arguments about why they believe the way they do. This can be confusing and frustrating. Before you start talking to people, you need to prepare. The thing that helps keep me centered is having a testimony of the plan of salvation. Focusing on the plan of salvation allows me to keep the right spirit and to remind myself that I am motivated by a conviction of the truthfulness of the plan of salvation as opposed to a need to prove the "wrongness" of homosexuality.

One of the greatest challenges in talking about homosexuality is the tendency to speak in terms of moral relativism. Moral relativists would have you believe that God's commandments are only one way of looking at the world and that there are other viable alternatives. These arguments can be very persuasive, but they are spiritually deadly. Consider the following vignette from Elder Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles:

In the premortal existence, ours was not a selective obedience. We did not pick and choose which parts of the eternal plan to follow. I learned that lesson on our first night flying solo in pilot training when all of us were given the instruction: “Don’t fly acrobatic patterns at night. You are beginning pilots without instrument flight training.” Some time later, an otherwise good pilot and a great friend chose to disobey that command. As he flew loops and barrel rolls through the night sky over Texas, he looked through the cockpit canopy and thought he saw stars above him, but he was really seeing the lights of oil rigs below. He was experiencing vertigo: the g-forces on his plane made it seem he was right side up, yet he was upside down. As he pulled up on the stick to climb higher into the night sky, he dove toward the earth and crashed into the twinkling lights of the oil field below.

When you are flying an airplane, if you change your position by just one degree at a time, your inner ear cannot detect the change. Brethren young and old, when we practice selective obedience, we change our position relative to the Lord—and usually by only one degree at a time. As the deceptive forces of the adversary work on us, we cannot detect them, and we experience spiritual vertigo. While it may seem like we are going in a safe direction, we are in fact headed for disaster. In the preexistence, our decision to follow the Lord was all-or-nothing. Following that pattern through our mortal probation will get each of us back to our Heavenly Father.

Robert D. Hales, Ensign May 2007

Once you have firmly established your personal testimony of the plan, you should research the specifics of the plan as it relates to marriage. In order to advocate for the church's position on marriage, you must be current with what the brethren are teaching. Reading selected quotes from out-dated materials may undermine your efforts, not because our doctrine has changed, but because we know a great deal more about same-gender attraction than we did 30 years ago. A lot of research has been done since the "Miracle of Forgiveness" and we should recognize that. Three resources that I find invaluable are found linked below:

The Family a Proclamation to the World.
This document was put out by the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in 1995. It states very clearly the doctrines of the church as they relate to God's plan for families. This should be your primary resource as it is still viewed as the authoritative position of the church on a variety of family related issues.

An interview with Elder Oaks on the subject of same-gender attraction.
As both an Apostle and a legal expert, Elder Oaks provides the most well-articulated answers to some of the toughest questions that you can expect to come across. I think this is a must read.

God Loveth His Children.
This is a resource that was mailed to bishops in 2007. It will help you understand how the church counsels its members who struggle with the challenge of same-sex attraction. It affirms the importance of each member in the church and reassures us that we are judged by the Lord based on how we handle our temptations (versus what our temptations are).
These are my top 3 resources. There are many others available here under the topic of same-gender attraction.

Part II. What to say and how to say it