Happy 9th Birthday Elliott!!

Happy Birthday big guy!

9 years.

Hard to believe.

Love your sense of humor.

Love your creativity.

Love your caring heart.

Love your laughter.

Love you very very much!!

after round 5

Round 5 of chemo went well.  As always.  This time was a little more special, because we were able to celebrate one of the girls' last big chemo days!!!  So excited for her.  I will miss her being there to talk to, but glad that she is moving on to a more normal time in her life with fresh perspectives.

I've been tired last night, but not that big of a deal.  Am up getting a few things done this morning that have been bugging me around the house.  Glad for the quiet of the house.  I just need quiet sometimes.  Especially when I don't feel good. 

I can feel the side effects coming on already, but glad that they're not full-blown yet and still praying for them to be minimal.  No achiness from the Neulasta yet, but just can feel the upper GI and mouth ickiness coming.  Oh well.  Just a few days and it will be gone.  I'll keep eating while I can. 

Tomorrow is Elliott's birthday.  He is so excited!  We always have homemade buttermilk birthday pancakes on our birthdays around here, so I already have the ingredients and recipe all laid out for Brian.  I'm sure he'll be a great pancake chef!

My very good friend has had a flare up with Crohn's over the past few weeks.  I was finally able to see her yesterday during her second visit to the hospital.  She prefers to call it a "spa treatment".  I say we're going to have a real spa treatment very soon.  She's facing some tough decisions in her future and we just cried together, saying we're just too young for all of this.  Yet we know that God "knows the plans (He) has for (us).", whatever they may be.  He is the perfect healer and does everything in His time.  It's just hard for us to wait for Him :)  But I was reminded yesterday of how blessed I am to have such strong and Godly women in my life.  Ones that I know aren't just going to try to sugar coat everything (although that is nice!), but are going to, in some way, remind me of who is in control, during trials and during the good times, and not let me lose sight of that.  Thank you ladies!!

bubble letters

This brought a smile to my face this afternoon as I went through Ethan's binder from school.  This is the first time I've seen him be creative with his lettering.  I remember Elliott wanted to write in bubble letters all.the.time. in first grade.  I remember his teacher mentioning to us that we really needed to encourage him to use bubble letters sparingly since it was causing him to slow down in getting his work done.  It must have been a fleeting phase since he didn't have the desire to bubble letter every single thing in 2nd grade, so I had kind of forgotten about it. 

So this brought back a lot of memories this afternoon, and also made me excited that Ethan was being creative on his own.  I doubt that he remembers Elliott's bubble letters phase, so he either came up with this on his own or saw it on a friend's paper.  I miss the days when they both wanted to sit with me and create things.  They still do every once in a while.  Sometimes when I'm in the office they even come up to me and ask if they can make something with the paper on my desk (gladly since I never use it to scrapbook anymore).  But they much prefer playing catch or soccer or riding bikes or playing a video game or Legos.  I guess they're just creative in different ways now - building Lego creations, writing books, creating an entire scenario with Imaginext.  I just miss the construction paper and paint days :(

five

Round 5 of chemo is coming up on Wednesday.  Yay!!  That means, after this one, just one more round to go.  So looking forward to that.  I will not be ditching this place quite yet, though.

My last round of chemo is October 12th, but radiation will begin 3-4 weeks after that and last for 6-7 weeks.  And I will continue to go there to get the Herceptin every 3 weeks until July 2012.  So the hospital and I will still be good friends for a while.

Thankfully the radiation and the Herceptin are both pretty much free of side effects!  Speaking of side effects, this last round seemed to be better.  The nausea and flu-like symptoms didn't seem quite as bad as before.  The really awful not being able to eat anything didn't seem to last as long either.  Of course, I do get tired of eating this....

There are several days the week after chemo when something very smooth is all that my mouth can handle.  Which usually means this broccoli cheddar soup (I wish the broccoli werent' in it) and ice cream or ice pops or something like Carnation Instant Breakfast or Ensure.  It gets old, but at least there are a few choices of what to eat.

So I'm praying that the side effects are minimal this time too.  I've noticed that I start getting anxious about it about Sunday or Monday, knowing what's coming.  So here I am, being anxious about it already.  I'm just ready for the whole chemo thing to be over.  I do still enjoy seeing the girls at the infusion room, but I definitely do not look forward to going as much as I used to.  I am so thankful that God placed each one of them there on Wednesdays because I'm pretty sure I would just want to stay home if they weren't there.  I'm ready to move on to the radiation part and to start a new year just shortly after that ends.  One thing at a time though.

music and tears

There is a worship song that I really love.  Sometimes I like the words more than the music.  Other times I like the music more than the words.  But usually if I really like a song it's because I like both the words and the music.  I know....this is a really new idea, huh?

Anyway, we sang this song at church yesterday.  Sometimes when the band starts playing I know instantly that it's a song that I like, but I cannot for the life of me remember the words.  And even when we start singing and the words are up on the screen I can't remember which words will come next.  And it REALLY bugs me when I don't know the name of the song but know that I really like it (I know I'm weird like that), but that's what Google is for, right?

So that's what happened yesterday.  But with this song, which we've sang countless times, I didn't really consciously know what words were coming next but they just came to me as the song went on.  Does that ever happen to anyone else?  It happens to me a lot.  Is it just me?  Am I just weird about that too?  Of course, the words are on the screen, so that helps when my subconscious fails me :)

But we got to these words and I started crying buckets.....

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades

Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

 

Now just to set the stage here I have to tell you that, of course, it would have to be a day when Brian was working, so my friend, Lisa, saw me sitting alone and came to sit with me.  I'm always cold in church so I was wearing a t-shirt with a cardigan over it and a belt around the cardigan.  Of course today it wasn't cold - or I was having a hot flash (thank you chemo drugs), not sure which, but it was hot in there.  About the second song into the worship service, I was sweating and kept telling myself to just relax and it would go away, but no.  I was trying to avoid the inevitable because to get the sweater off I would have to take the belt off and that, for some reason, was totally embarrassing to me.  But the sweating wouldn't stop so I had to do it.  I tried to do it fast so no one would notice.  I'm sure it worked :)  I apologized to the friends behind me (luckily they are good friends and would only tease me about it I'm sure) and to Lisa.  So now I've shed some clothes and am currently crying buckets.  I'm sure that as my tears kept coming she was regretting her choice of seating as she probably thought I was going to flood us right out of the sanctuary!  The Taxotere (one of the chemo drugs) makes my eyes water almost constantly anyway, so once a single tear escaped there was no stopping the waterworks.  Ugh!  I was so thankful that it was toward the end of service so that I didn't have to cry all through the message and everything.   And I was also thankful that most everyone else started tearing up not long after as we said goodbye to our woship leader from the past several years - at least I felt that my tear-stained face would blend in with everyone else's at that point. 
 
It was the "Your light will shine when all else fades" part that got me.  Even though I don't feel like things are fading so fast for me anymore, they did just a few short months ago.  When we were hit with "you have cancer" we didn't know what was next.  We didn't know exactly what that meant for our future.  We were scared.  We were left wondering, most days, "what's going to happen?" There were questions left unanswered after each biopsy, after the MRI, after each surgery.  Each one was crucial to determining what we were dealing with and it made our heads spin awaiting the answers that we were looking for.  But through all of that, there was also a peace, knowing that our God is constant.  That He knew the answers and no matter what they were, that He had a plan for us and He was still in control.  His light was shining for us to get us through this.   Yes we were scared.  Yes we asked why.  Yes we were upset.  Yes we cried.  Yes we wanted it all to end.  But at the end of the day we knew that there was nothing we could do.  But we knew that God was in control and all we needed to do was trust Him.  And yes, that is hard too.  I struggle with that daily.  I'm a fixer.  I want to fix things.  For me, my family, my friends.  I can't.  I have learned through this what it truly feels like to fully trust God.  I really thought He could have used something else to teach me, but I won't question His methods of choice :) 
 
As I sang the song, I wasn't only crying for myself, though.  I was thinking of certain friends and family who also feel like everything is fading away right now.  I hope that they feel His light, too.
 
Oh, just in case it bugs anyone else, the song in "From the Inside Out" by Hillsong United.  Thank you Google.

running. walking. fighting.

See this group?  I love them.  They all crawled out of bed and put other things aside on a rainy Saturday morning to support me and others with breast cancer at Wentzville's Fight Like a Firefighter Run/Walk.  This is actually only a tiny bit of how they have loved me the past few months, but this was so awesome to see so many of them together at one time.

There were a lot of friends there.

And some of my family came over from Illinois, too!  In fact, my Aunt Gayla and cousin Jordan surprised me that morning!  All of them traveled at least 2 1/2 hours just to come to the walk.  They're awesome.

 

Brian, Joe and Christy were brave enough to run the 5K.  I think it poured the whole time they ran - love them for sticking it out and running anyway when it would have felt so much better to head back to bed in warm dry clothes! 

The 5K is a little over 3 miles. When Brian crossed the finish line and came over to me he told me he broke the run into the 3 parts.....the first mile was for my surgery, the second mile was for the chemo, the third was for the radiation. I love that guy so much! I believe if the tables were turned I would be so frustrated with me by now. I tend to be pretty needy about one out of every three weeks, and he is so patient about it and does whatever he can to make things as easy as possible for me. I am so ready for this to all be over. I know he is too, but he doesn't complain (although I'm sure he wants to) - he lets me do all of that!

There were LOTS of goofy faces.  I love goofy faces.  I love that we have friends to make goofy faces with!

There was a lot of rain, lots of umbrellas, and lots of happy kids to play with umbrellas in the rain.

There was a sea of yellow hats waiting to start the walk after the runners returned.  Some of our friends from church arranged for everyone to have hats, buttons and for a banner for us to carry as our group walked.  Thank you Jana, Stephanie and Annette!!

Look at the banner - yay!  Stephanie added one of my favorite verses to it.  Oh, and look how excited Elliott was to be standing there in the front getting his picture taken :)

I love my Makayla. 

All kinds of emotions hit me as I look at this picture. 

She and I go way back. 

Way back to when we started bonding when she wouldn't stay in her preschool class at church unless she was sitting in my lap.  Back to when I brought her family meals when she was beginning her chemo and now her family goes out of their way to care for me and my family during my chemo.   She inspires me to be strong and to fight.  I love that she came and walked for me and handed out buttons and helped carry the banner and just smiled the whole morning.

Wentzville has this cool pink firetruck.  If I'm not mistaken, it even has those girly eyelashes on its headlights too! 

And this, to me, was the best picture of the day.  Not just because it's Sheryl (although she is awesome), but because it captured something that I am so fortunate to experience pretty much daily.  Love from my friends.  I know my family loves me, and they show me daily.  But when you realize how much your friends love you and how many friends love you, it is a humbling experience.  At least to me.  I am so thankful that they go out of their way to give me hugs and let me know that I am loved.

Thank you to everyone who was there with us last Saturday!  We are truly surrounded by incredible people.  We love you!

our first ever soapbox races!

Elliott has asked for a couple of years now to participate in our local "Hill of Thrills" soapbox races.  We've put him off until this year thinking that it would involve designing and creating your own car, which neither of us were up to.  However, this year, when we got the flyer from school we realized that the cars are provided for you!  What?!  No sketching, Googling, hammering, arguing?  Yes please!  We just had to make sure that the boys met the height and weight requirements - and since they are usually off the charts for height and weight we really weren't worried about that. 

 Don't these cars look so fun?

 Elliott was very serious about the whole thing.  He was very excited to win his heat!

Ethan got confused at the very beginning of his race, thinking that the brake was a gas pedal.  It put him a few seconds behind his competitor, and he wasn't able to catch up :(  I think his favorite part of the race was at the end when there was a bit of a malfunction with the way they stop the cars which caused his car to take an abrupt 90 degree turn right into the other lane barely missing the other car and one of the staff members!

The Durbins were so awesome to come and watch the boys race.  Wish I had gotten a picture - don't know what I was thinking!  Hopefully next year all the boys will be able to race.

Fall Dinner Ideas

So this is the way I plan meals around here.  I try to come up with 6 weeks worth of dinner ideas at a time according to the season, etc.  Then I use those ideas to plan weekly meals.  It's been working for almost a year now.  I just finished the September-October ideas and thought I would share them with you all.  These are all dinners that most of my family likes most of the time, except for the ones highlighted in yellow.  Those are new recipes that I want to try, so don't hold me responsible if you try them and don't like them - but let me know so that I don't try them at my house :)

September-October Dinner Ideas

Chicken-Mozzarella Panini

This recipe calls for grilled chicken.  I guess you could grill chicken before assembling the paninis, but I don't have the patience for that.  We usually grill a lot of chicken when we grill so that we have extra to put in the freezer and pull out when we need it - that's the route I usually go with this.  I'm sure it tastes even better freshly grilled, though!

Chicken-Mozzarella Panini

prepared pesto
mayo
thin chicken cutlets, grilled (with whatever seasonings you prefer)
fresh mozzarella slices
ciabatta rolls
olive oil

Spread pesto and mayo on both the top and bottom roll. Add the chicken and mozzarella, and then brush olive oil on top of the roll.  Grill the sandwich on a panini press or indoor grill until cheese is melted and the sandwich looks done (sorry - that's just the way I do it!).

Asian Chicken

This one came from my days of doing freezer meals with my friend, Vicki.  Those were fun, exhausting days!  I don't miss the work involved, but I do miss all the meals in my freezer.

Asian Chicken

1 lb boneless, skinless chicken breasts
1/2 c. soy sauce
1/2 c. sugar
1 1/4 Tbsp. red wine vinegar
2 Tbsp. vegetable oil
1/2 tsp minced garlic
3/4 tsp ground ginger

Mix soy sauce, sugar, vinegar, oil, garlic and ginger to make the marinade.  Place chicken breasts into a gallon ziploc bag, pour the marinade over them and seal the bag.  Marinate for 1-2 hours.  Pour the chicken and marinade into a baking dish.  Bake in a preheated 350 oven for 30-45 minutes until juices run clear.

Pork Chops with Apple Rings

This gem is from my mother-in-law.  It's one that I can actually replicate.  She is one of those really great cooks whose recipes usually involve "a little of this"  "just enough of that" "you just cook it until it's done".  I watch her make them, write everything down, follow it exactly and it never tastes the same.  So I usually just wait and consider it a treat to enjoy those foods when I'm at her house.  But with this one I can actually come pretty close to making it taste like Nana's.  And it's great for this long-awaited fall weather we are having now!

Pork Chops with Apple Rings

4-6 Pork Chops
1-2 apples
brown sugar
salt and pepper
cinnamon
butter

Salt and pepper the chops.  Brown them on both sides in a large skillet, and then place them in a greased 9x13 pan.  Core apples and slice into rings.  Place 1-2 rings over each pork chop.  Sprinkle brown sugar and cinnamon over both sides of the apple rings.  Dollop butter on the apples.  Bake at 325 for about 1 hour.

swedish meatballs

This recipe is one of my mom's, and my kids eat them with no complaining (rare occurrence at our house)!  I'll add a picture the next time I make them.


Swedish Meatballs

1.5 lbs ground beef
1/2 c. milk
1 c. quick oats
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp. garlic powder
2 Tbsp. chopped onion
1/4 tsp pepper
1/4 tsp. chili powder
1/2 tsp. Worcestershire sauce

Mix all ingredients together and form into meatballs.  Place in single layer in baking dish.

Sauce:

1/2 Tbsp Worcestershire sauce
1 c. ketchup
1/2 tsp. mustard
1/2 tsp. chili powder
1/2 c. brown sugar

Mix sauce ingredients and pour over meatballs.  Bake at 350 for 1 hour.