snippets of summer

This is often the scene in our backyard.  Impromptu baseball games (or kickball or most recently golf)

One of these ends up in our mailbox everyday :)



Hot dogs and smores with good friends!!



 Ethan told me he would do whatever I needed him to do so I could rest - no prompting!  So he folded the clothes that day.  They were perfect.

Lunch at Magpie's on Main Street.  So good to get out and be with some of my favorite people.

 I love these cute little shoes and the feet that are wearing them.  Love that she is just now 2 and loves her shoes so much that she tells them :)

no explanation needed.

This is some game called 500 that I do not fully understand, but the boys love playing.

Artwork from some of my favorite little girls - Kelsey and Makayla

Sweet little brand new Macy Jane.  She is absolutely adorable and has the most awesome brothers and parents!



 Lots of visitors these past weeks.  This time it was my mom and my Aunt Sharon.  Fun afternoon and the boys only called them "old" a couple of times! 

 Orange flowers.  In love.  From Aunt Sharon and Uncle John

 This beautiful plant showed up on my porch one afternoon with a beautiful card in the mailbox.  It's from Debbie and Curtis, my neighbor's parents.  She is so sweet - love her so much!!

 This was in the bottom of the bag that housed the prayer shawl.  It's nothing special to anyone else, but to me it's a reminder that we're spending more time with the St. Louis Martins again (there are Georgia Martins, too).  So much time that we've begun leaving things at their house.  Love that.

First trip to the zoo this summer.  I'm worried that we may not get to go as much as we like to this summer.  I hope I'm wrong.  We love the zoo.  I even got my own Zoovenir Sipper.  We usually just share the one we bought last year, but to keep from passing any chemo drugs to anyone else and to keep my risk of infection down, I get my very own cups now.  I was excited that the new Sipper was orange.  Meant to be I think.

The boys were excited to set off some smokebombs and do some sparklers the other night.  Fun to share with our friends and neighbors and enjoy a nice evening in the cul-de-sac.

















the cast is off!

This was the scene a week ago Tuesday.  I'm thinking Ethan was enjoying it just a bit too much!

My tip for blog reading

I'm guessing that a few of you may be new to reading blogs and keeping up with them.  I really don't know, but I wanted to share the most helpful thing that I've discovered about making them easier to keep up with and is also a HUGE time saver.  I'm sure some of you already know about it, but I just discovered it a little over a year ago and think it's awesome!

It's called Google Reader and it looks like this:

All you do is open a Google account if you don't already have one.  Then just start subscribing to the blogs that you read.  There is usually an orange icon with curved lines on it that say "subscribe" on most blogs.  You just click it and it goes to Reader.  Then you can organize the blogs by topic - I have topics like friends/family, crafty, home decor, photography, food, scrapbooking, inspirational, etc.  You can organize however you want, but the awesome thing is that all of the blogs that you read or follow (whether it's 2, 20 or 200) are all in one place!!!  What a time saver this has been for me.  I only read the posts that look interesting to me and do not have to actually go to all the different websites (unless I want to comment, watch a video, etc.)

Can I say again how much I love it?! 

One from my playlist

I heard this song a couple of weeks ago on the radio.  It struck a chord with me (ha!).  This is really how I feel about this journey and have felt this way from the beginning.  He seems to be better at putting it into words - and I really can't sing that well, so I enjoy someone to duet with :) 

When I heard the song, it made me think of the lesson I was going to be helping to teach in FirstLook (the preschool/kindergarten worship service at our church) the next Sunday.  It was about Samuel (he keeps popping up in my posts, huh?) and  listening for God's voice.  Kind of a difficult concept for 4,5, & 6 year olds, but it's amazing what they absorb and understand.  Such simple and uncluttered minds filled with wonder.  Anyway, we were going to be talking about how you may or may not hear an audible sound from God.  Maybe it's just a whisper.  Maybe it's something you read in your Bible (or that someone reads to you in their case).  Maybe it's a song that you hear.  Yep! That right there is most often when I hear from him. Through music.  I'm so thankful for a good Christian radio station here in St. Louis - JoyFM.  There are so many days when I turn it on and hear a song that I know is straight from Him for my benefit.  I love my quiet time with my devotion or just reading verses in the mornings too, but there is just something about words put to music for me.   

So the song is called Fall Apart by Josh Wilson (the picture says "See You" cause that's the name of the album and I couldn't find a picture with Fall Apart on it).  I couldn't figure out how to link the actual song either, but it is easy to find on iTunes and I promise it is good!

Fall Apart

Why in the world did I think I could



Only get to know you when my life was good?


When everything just falls in place


The easiest thing is to give you praise


Now it all seems upside down






'Cause my whole world is caving in


But I feel you now more than I did then


How can I come to the end of me


But somehow still have all I need?


God I want to know you more


Maybe this is how it starts


I find you when I fall apart






Blessed are the ones who understand


They've got nothing to bring but empty hands


Nothing to hide and nothing to prove


Our heartbreak brings us back to you


And it all seems upside down






'Cause my whole world is caving in


But I feel you now more than I did then


How can I come to the end of me


But somehow still have all I need?


God I want to know you more


Maybe this is how it starts


I find you when I fall apart






I don't know how long this will last


I'm praying for the pain to pass


But maybe this is the best thing that has ever happened to me






'Cause my whole world is caving in


But I feel you now more than I did then


How can I come to the end of me


But somehow still have all I need?


God I want to know you more


Maybe this is how it starts


I find you when--


You will find me when--


I fall apart
 
 
 
And here are some others from my favorite playlist right now, just in case you care :)
 
Blessings - Laura Story
Walk on the Water - Britt Nicole
Your Great Name - Natalie Grant
Swim - Jack's Mannequin
At Your Feet - Casting Crowns
I Will Not Be Moved - Natalie Grant
It's Your Life - Francesca Battistelli
Beautiful - MercyMe
Stronger - Mandisa
Shadow of Your Wings - Casting Crowns
You Are for Me - Kari Jobe
Revelation Song - Phillips, Craig & Dean
 
Let me know if you have any suggestions!
 

our new friend

We think she needs a name. 

Having a hard time coming up with a good one. 

She'll be with us for a while so she deserves one that fits her. 

 Let us know if you have any suggestions!

one down!

Today was the first chemo treatment. 
Yesterday I was nervous and anxious about the unknown. 
Today I wasn't nervous. 
Today I wasn't anxious. 
Today I was almost a bit excited to get it started, and just felt really peaceful about the whole thing. 
That had nothing to do with me. 
That was God hearing all of your prayers and wrapping his arms around us, comforting us just as I know that so many of you have been praying to happen. 
THANK YOU!!!!

Our plans got a little wrench thrown in them yesterday when the doctor's office called saying that I needed to get labs and an echocardiogram done as soon as possible.  I was able to do the labs yesterday, but they couldn't get me in to do the echocardiogram.  So that was scheduled for 7:30 this morning.  It all worked out thanks to friends who were willing to care for the boys.  But it meant for a very early wake up time.....5:30am.  The sun was already up and the boys got up without any fuss, so it worked fine.  But I'm really tired now.  Didn't get to bed until midnight and then the steroids I had to take were making me fidgety so it was hard to get to sleep.  So not so much sleep last night = dozing on the couch this afternoon.

Anyway, we started the chemo around 9:45 and left around 2:30, and the actual infusion of the chemo went great!  No problems with it going in at all.  The only tiniest of things was when I got the Benadryl.  It made me a little whoozy and sleepy, but as long as I could talk to someone I could stay awake.  Brian was there in a chair beside me, and there were plenty of ladies to talk to!  The infusion room is small with about 8 chairs, and they were all full of the sweetest women.  I learned so much just from talking and listening to them about what I might expect in the next few days as far as side effects.  Such strong women with great attitudes and a willingness to share their stories.  I have to say that I almost enjoyed the chemo!  Did I just say that?  I know I won't enjoy the side effects that may be coming, but I loved talking to these, not just about the cancer but about books, movies, family, etc.  I brought a book, some magazines, my laptop, and my phone with me also so that I would be occupied the whole time.  I really only used the phone and read a few pages of a magazine.  The rest of the time was spent chatting.   It made the 4+ hours go by so much more quickly! 

And we are most definitely very happy with the doctor and his staff!!  They were so caring and attentive.   We met with the doctor first, who spent a lot of time with us again just going over the nuts and bolts of the plan of treatment and answering any questions we still had about anything.  And the nurses were awesome in the infusion room.  They were right there if we needed them, yet not hovering.  They explained everything and were so good about answering questions and making sure we were comfortable.  I was convinced even more today that we made the right choice in oncologists.

And dinner came to our door about 5:00.  Oh, what a blessing!  It was so so so good, and I'm eyeing the cake Jana brought for dessert.  I'm waiting for the boys to come in so we can all eat dessert together, but it's getting more difficult every minute.  I thought I would feel pretty good this afternoon and maybe even be able to make dinner, but I'm glad that my friends thought otherwise!  I do feel pretty good.  I only felt a bit nauseous once when we got home, so I just took some medicine and continued my nap.  I'm just tired now and hope that a good night's sleep will fix that!

Tomorrow I go back to the doctor's office to get a Neulasta shot to help keep my blood cell counts from dropping much.  It will be a short 5 minute visit.  Then I go back next Wednesday and the Wednesday after that for the Herceptin - about a one hour visit.  Then the full chemo day on the 20th again.  So that's the plan, and we're glad to get it started!

blessings of generosity and prayer

We have been blessed so so much by everyone's generosity these past six weeks!  So many friends and family have given so freely of their time in taking care of the boys, being patient listeners, providing a ride to doctors' appointments, giving me escapes from reality, and sharing their culinary skills (which we REALLY enjoy!).  And every once in a while someone brings us something unexpected that they just wanted us to have to make this journey a little easier.  I'm constantly amazed at the ideas that our peeps come up with.  I do not feel that gift giving is a strength of mine, but I've learned that it definitely is of many of our friends and family. 

Today we were blessed again.

We came home to these BEAUTIFUL gifts....

 

My friend Katy made this quilt.  It's so pretty! In her card she said that she hoped that all the different fabrics in the quilt reminded me of all the different people praying for me at church.  I love that!  I was reading the card to Ethan and he started pointing out which fabric he thought represented which person or family.  What a wonderful reminder of our incredible church family.  Thank you so much Katy!!

And look at this beautiful handiwork that was also waiting for me!!  This came from my friend Vicki and her mom.  See, I would never have thought to get something to keep me warm during chemo tomorrow, but they did!  I can't wait to wear it tomorrow.  There are some ladies at their church that spend a morning or so every week creating pieces like this, and I'm so thankful they were able to get one for me. 

And their card said that they wanted the shawl to remind me, each time I wrap it around my shoulder, of the many prayers I am wrapped in.  Ahhh.....I love that too!

 Nancy, I LOVE the color!  You all are awesome!

I love that these are both handmade and from people I love.  And that they both have a theme of prayer and love woven into them.  I cried, of course, as I opened each of them. (the boys are beginning to mock my crying now!)   It's just so overwhelming to me that people care enough to put so much thought and work into gifts to make them so special.   Thank you!!!

so now what?

I know that many of you have been wondering that, and we feel like we can tell you with a lot of certainty now what is going to be happening in the next few weeks and months.

We met yesterday with the second oncologist to get an idea of whether we wanted to continue with the original oncologist that we spoke to, or if we wanted to make a change.  We wanted to make sure we were comfortable with the decision since, as the original oncologist told us...."we'll grow old together."

We have decided to continue with the original oncologist.  It was the best fit for us.  So the course of treatment will be this:

1. CHEMOTHERAPY

I'll be getting 6 rounds of chemo, with each round being 3 weeks apart.  However, one of the drugs that I'll be getting is Herceptin, which targets the Her2Neu that I was positive for, and that one will be given every week during the 18 weeks or so of chemo.

So every 3 weeks I will get 3 different drugs on the chemo day.  Those days will be 4-5 hours long.  Each week in-between I will only get the Herceptin, so those days will only be about an hour or so.

This will start next Wednesday, June 29th and will run into early October.

There are many possible side effects with the chemo, the most obvious being the hair loss.  We're told I should not even think I'm feeling nauseated so we're thankful for that!  Fatigue and muscle aches I guess are the next prominent ones.  I guess we'll see what actually happens!


2.  RADIATION

About 3 weeks after the chemo rounds end, radiation will begin.  I have not met with the radiation oncologist yet, so I do not know as much about this.  I do know that it will be for about 6 weeks, Monday - Friday.

I hear differing reports about the side effects of this.  Some people have told me it was totally exhausting.  Others said they felt completely normal.  Again, we'll see :)

I will continue getting the Herceptin during the radiation treatment, but the frequency will go down to every 3 weeks instead of every week.


3.  HERCEPTIN

The Herceptin will continue for a full year, so my best guess is that I will be done with that early July of 2012.


4.  TAMOXIFEN

From what I understand, after radiation ends I will begin taking the Tamoxifen pill and will continue with that for 5 years. 


So, in a nutshell, you know just about all that we do :)  As the chemo start date gets closer I'm getting a bit more anxious about being hooked up to an IV bag for 4-5 hours, about not knowing how my body will respond, about not knowing how the boys will handle everything.  But it doesn't consume me one bit.  God has blessed us with an awesome group of friends and family that we know we can call day or night (and have!) whether it's for help or just for venting or just to hear someone's reassuring voice.  Thank you for being on this journey with us!!!!

tomorrow

Tomorrow we meet with a second oncologist to get a second opinion.  We feel like the course of treatment will be the same as the first oncologist suggested.  However, we want to make sure we are very comfortable with the doctor that we choose since we will be seeing him/her for the next 15 years. 

We would love for you to pray with us that when we leave the doctor's office tomorrow, that we know for sure which doctor is the best choice for us.  I, myself, am concerned that I will like both doctors for different reasons and will be confused about which one to choose (if you've ever been shopping with me, you know I have good reasons for that!).  So we've just been praying that God will make it totally obvious which one He wants for us.

Hopefully after we meet with this doctor tomorrow, we will be able to give you all specific dates about chemo, etc.  I promise to update as soon as we know.

Thank you for continuing to pray for us!!!

(I promise more posts in the next day or two also!)

slow cooker jambalaya

This is really easy and we love it.  We just made a batch and put half of it in the freezer for another day (our boys don't eat much, so that's my disclaimer for having 2 meals in one).  It's pretty spicy for us going by this recipe, so if you want to tame it a bit I would decrease the amount of andouille sausage and replace it with the beef smoked sausage.

Slow Cooker Jambalaya

(modified from "Colleen's Slow cooker Jambalaya" on allrecipes.com)

1 pound skinless, boneless chicken breast halves, cut into 1 inch cubes

1/2 pound andouille sausage, halved and sliced

1/2 pound beef smoked sausage, halved and sliced

1 (28 oz) can diced tomatoes with juice

1 large onion, chopped

1 large green bell pepper, chopped

1 cup chopped celery (we usually leave this out)

1 cup chicken broth

2 tsp dried oregano

2 tsp dried parsley

2 tsp Cajun seasoning

1 tsp. cayenne pepper

1/2 tsp dried thyme

1 pound frozen cooked shrimp without tails (optional)

1.  In a slow cooker, mix the chicken, sausages, tomatoes with juice, onion, green bell pepper, celery, and broth.  Add the spices.

2.  Cover and cook 7-8 hours on LOW or 3-4 on HIGH.  Stir in the shrimp during the last 30 minutes of cooking time.

 

overflowing

A peek at all the cards we have received in the past few weeks.  It's almost as full as it was at Christmas!  I'm running out of twine space and hanging them from each other now.  Love that we are so blessed with so many friends and family!!!

orange

I'm not one of those people who have a favorite color forever.  My bedroom used to be pink when I was growing up.  Then I went through a phase when I wanted nothing to do with pink.  Then I liked blue.  Then it was blue and orange cause those were my school colors.  Then after the boys were born, I felt the need to have some pink again.  I needed some pink to combat all the maleness in the house :)  Then recently I've liked green and yellow, but now it's definitely orange.

An orange flower in a bouquet that a friend brought last week

This pillow that lets me use orange on this red couch that I've tried to replace for a few years now.

This print that I made to sit on the side table for the summer.

This scarf that Amber sent me

(that totally doesn't go with the t-shirt, but we talked about my fashion limitations last week)

These dish towels from Williams-Sonoma.

Never thought I would buy towels there, but they are truly the best.

My new Pioneer Woman cookbook from Amanda.

(It is especially authentic because it actually came from Oklahoma!)

We share a love for her, her stories, her recipes, her photography.

Love that it's orange.

See that green french oven she's holding? 

She was giving away an orange one on her blog a few days ago. 

I was too late to enter.  So sad. 

I really think it would have looked good in my kitchen.

The orange dot painting (of course)

There is even a bucket of orange paint in our bedroom closet waiting to be splashed on the walls of the boys' bathroom.  Amber says she likes to paint bathrooms, so that's going to be her job and I'm just going to enjoy the finished product :)

hydrangeas

I promised a picture of the hydrangeas, so here it is!

picasso at work

Ethan was bored about 5 minutes after school ended for the summer.  He is just the type of guy that has a lot of energy and needs to use it.  He jumps or runs everywhere, always has a ball bouncing, and just really goes goes goes all the time.

He will play video games for a while.  He's not much for watching TV.  Combine all of this with not being able to get out of the house because of me, and you have one bored little boy. 

So I suggested that he paint.  He usually says no to all of my suggestions and then whines about not having anything to do.  But he was actually interested in this and went and got everything he needed and painted away.

This one is his favorite.  It will go in his airplane room.

And I commissioned this one myself.

He had finished 2, and came to show them to me.  I loved them!  I asked him if he would do an orange one for me, and he was happy to have a request!  Then he came back a few minutes later saying that he only does 2 paintings an hour, so he would start working on mine at 5:00.  Totally something he would come up with!

I woke up the next morning to him bring the orange dot painting to me.  Love him! 

hair

I've been thinking about my hair more lately. I know it's very superficial. It's just hair. But the thought of not having hair is very daunting to me.

I've had my hair short, medium, long. Curly, straight. Layered, one length. Colored, highlighted, natural.

In fact this is probably the longest amount of time that I've kept one hair style. I used to change it up all the time. I decided to grow it out a couple of years ago, I think. ( I'm not good with judging time.) I kept seeing all kinds of cute ways to wear long hair and decided I was going to try to do that. I was tired of the easy, one-cute-style haircut I had been wearing.

I have enjoyed it so so much!!! I love that I can curl it or straighten it. Or pull it up. Or braid it or twist it.  Or wear a cute clip or a headband. It just opened a whole new world of hair possibilities for me - ha! It's definitely more work, but so much more fun to me.

So the thought of losing my hair soon has been on my mind a lot. I know it will grow back. But I'm sad to lose it. I keep seeing myself bald and am not liking what I'm seeing.

I really didn't want to do a wig. I just keep envisioning it flying off in this Missouri wind at some point. Which would be funny in the end, but worrying about that all the time would stress me out :) So I was thinking there are surely cute hats, scarves, turbans, etc. that would be just as fun as accessorizing my long hair. I was somewhat content with that. Not saying that I would not still be emotional about it, but at least I could look forward to having fun with what I had been given. Then I was reading that many women have a wig and also use hats, scarves, etc. just depending on what they were feeling that day. Hello....light bulb!  Why did I think it was all or nothing, either/or? And I guess I could get a fun wig. I've mentioned before that I always wanted to be a red head, and now may be my only chance. I'm still a bit concerned about the wind, but I'm definitely going to check into it. My friend's mom has given me great advice about wig shops and how she felt about it and I'm thinking it will be fun to check it out now.

But about a week ago, the thought of donating my hair came across my carousel. I had Elliott and Brian measure it, and it was just barely long enough to donate to Locks of Love.
So I decided to go ahead and cut it.  No matter what, I'm going to lose it with the chemo.  I would rather someone else enjoy it instead of it just falling to the floor and being swept into the trash.  Someone else needed it. I've enjoyed it for a long time. I'll enjoy the extra time I have with my family that I would have been using to style the long hair (not that I had been styling it lately - just ask my neighbors).

And today was the day:

The cutting begins

Almost done with the rough cut

(sorry for the quality - my photographer Elliott had shaky hands I guess)

You can't tell, because the end flips up, but it's right at 10 inches!

The "after" picture.

I'm excited about learning to style this short hair again.

I'm also excited that it's so carefree.

Brian will be excited that he never has to shampoo that long mess of hair again :)

(I think he gained a new appreciation for my hair the one time he had to do this last week)

My friend, Julie, who cuts my hair. 

I'm positive she is the only reason I didn't cry. 

Love my talks with her while she cuts my hair. 

And she does an awesome job!!!

{Again, the photographer may need more training :) }

I keep thinking of this story when God sent Samuel to anoint the new king, Samuel only knew that it was one of Jesse's sons, but not which one. He kept thinking the one God had chosen was surely one of David's brothers since they "looked" like Samuel thought that a king should look and David was really a scrawny shepherd boy. God said to Samuel "The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." (1 Samuel 16:7b).

I'm so glad this is true, but it's so hard to swallow when your appearance is going through a major change. I really like my new cut.....it's the thought of it all coming out that is still difficult for me.  I need to get over it......perhaps some ice cream will help.

You should have seen Ethan's face this morning when I was explaining the reason we were on our way to get my hair cut. The boys knew I would be losing my hair, but I guess the picture of me bald had never entered their minds yet. He was so sweet. He had asked if it was all going to fall out, and I told him I would eventually be bald.  I could tell by the look on his face that he was a bit apprehensive about his mom being bald, but he did not say a word. And then breathed a huge sigh of relief when I let him know that I would wear a wig when we were out and about. Poor guy! He was so afraid that he was going to have to walk around with a bald-headed mom.  And they don't want me to be a red head. Seriously??  They say they like the color that it is now. They think it's weird that I would want to do something different. We'll see.

surgery follow-up

Awesome news from the doctor!!  First of all, she took the "tank" out!  I was really starting to get tired of that thing for these reasons:

1.  I had to sleep sitting up (which is probably part of the reason I wasn't sleeping well and felt the earthquake a few days ago - and one last week that only one other person that I know of felt - may or may not have happened.  I was also on pain meds so draw your own conclusions)

2.  I've had to wear stretchy pants and oversized t-shirts for a solid week.  I looked bad enough not to have to don the gag-gift Scooby Doo t-shirt when I ran out of all of my better ones.  We're on to better fashion now I hope :)

3.  I had to move it around every time I sat down.  Really not a big deal, but I'll add it to the list anyway.

4.  I was constantly aware that there was another tube stuck in me.  This actually didn't bother me as much as I thought it would, but each time I had a little pain or something felt abnormal I would worry that the tube was moving.  It wasn't.

The other good news was that she further explained the pathology report from the tissue that she removed last week.  I won't try to explain it on here, but what it meant was that ALL of the cancer from the site of the tumor - both the invasive and noninvasive (the beginning of cancer type) - is GONE!!!!!  Praise God for good news!!  This doesn't change the next courses of treatment - still looking at chemo, radiation, Herceptin, and Tamoxifen.  But it does mean that God allowed her to accomplish her goal of removing all the evident cancer.  The rest of the treatment is kind of precautionary.  Just in case one little cell snickered and got away and has plans of taking up residence somewhere else.  The rest of the treatment is aimed at finding that stinky cell (if it exists) and getting rid of it too.

It was a good day.  My friend Lisa was such a trooper, drove me there with my flighty directions, sat and read and waited so patiently while I was at all my appointments.  We even got to see some fun hairpieces - and some not so fun hairpieces!  I had no idea they made so many choices in wigs, scarves, etc. for hair loss.  I told her I was going to be a red head.  It's my chance.  I've always wanted to be one.  I'm not joking.  I wanted to dye my hair when I was younger, but my mom wouldn't let me - good thinking Mom!  I even married a red-head, and I didn't even get a red-headed child.  So maybe this is God's way of letting me be auburn for a while.  We'll see.  It was a fun day - good to get good news and spend the morning with a good friend!

pathology update

Just a quick update about the pathology report from the tissue the doctor removed last week.  She called this afternoon saying that the margins look normal this time - all what they expected them to look like.  She will explain further when I go in on Thursday, but no more surgery right now anyway!  And on to the next steps.  Thank you again for all the prayers!!!

random thoughts on sunday

Once again I've taken my place on the couch.  I'm glad we never bought a new one, cause I can eat and drink and everything on this old thing and not worry about it one bit.  Plus it's long enough that I can stretch out and there is still room for someone to sit at the end (not that anyone ever does).And I'm pretty sure it's going to have a permanent indention where I've been lying on it - the only place where it's comfortable to sleep, eat, watch tv, read, use the computer, reach the phone and be able to see what everyone else is doing all at the same time. 

I thought I would definitely be off the couch by now, but Friday I had to go get a drain put in the area where my lymph nodes were removed.  There was fluid that kept building up (the seroma that I talked about in an earlier post).  The doctor drained just as much fluid on Friday as had been drained on Wednesday, so he thought this would be the best course of action in order to keep a golf ball from forming every few days.  So it was pretty uncomfortable after they had been pushing tissue around again, so I was back on the couch with the pain medicine.  I love the fact that the pain medicine takes the pain away, but why does it have to make you so groggy and sleepy?

This is my view from the perfect spot on the couch.  Oh I forgot that you can reach the glass of water from here, too.  It's funny how everything you "need" can be contained to such a small space when you are really forced to "need" only a few things.

That cool polka dot glass came from my friend Vicki.  I saw her the night after I had my first biopsy.  We were celebrating her oldest son's birthday.  We talked about it for a few minutes not thinking any more about it, assuming the biopsy was just a formality and nothing would come of it.  Our families had just spent an afternoon together a few weeks before that and had realized that we had let way too much time go by without getting together.  I kept having this unexplainable desire to get together and reconnect with them.  Now I know why.  I was going to need her like I never had before.  She makes me laugh and brings me chocolate :)  I'm pretty sure our husbands have rolled their eyes at us more than a few times and that's okay.  They make me laugh too.

And see how I captured the phone right as a call was coming in?  Pure luck.  Didn't even notice until I was uploading the pictures, but that call was from my doctor's office.  He was calling (on a Saturday) to see if I was doing okay.  He was worried about me - most likely cause I pulled another faintish scene on him after he put the drain in.  He gave me a coke and his favorite pretzels to make sure I was feeling like myself before I drove home.  I love when doctors are that caring and have that much time for you (even though they don't have that much time).  I'm so grateful for that particular practice of doctors and for Nurse Becki who recommended that I go there.

Love that these orange toenails got me immediate membership into the "orange toenails club" that my friend's daughter started.  She was so cute as she told me I could be in the club!  Erin was so sweet to watch the boys while I went in to the doctor's office Friday on such short notice.  My boys could have cared less when I got back, but one of her girls was inviting me into the club while the other one, in her beautiful princess dress, climbed up onto the couch and snuggled right up next to me.  Her kids are just generous and loving in general, but I believe there is something about kids, whether they know you are sick or not, they sense somehow that you need extra hugs and snuggles.  I was glad to get attention from them!

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I'm getting tired of not being able to use my arm.  So grateful to be able to use the port side (isn't that a boat term?)  I have this gnawing feeling that I may never get full mobility back in my right arm.  It's odd when you find out you have cancer I think.  When we found out it was overwhelming, yet something was a bit comforting knowing that there was a plan and these specific steps would be taken to treat it.  All the possible complications, detours I guess, didn't occur to me.

 The second surgery.  The incredibly painful lymph node area after surgery.  The seroma.  The drain.  The inability to move my arm anywhere near my head.

 I usually do not feel like something is not going to heal.  I can't remember ever feeling like that.  But this arm thing is different.  I think that's what bothers me.  I'm just praying that mobility comes back 100% and that my sister doesn't make me cry too much doing physical therapy if it comes to that.

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I was wondering today how much weight I've gained.  I haven't been to the gym in weeks.  My neighbor stopped to offered me a ride to the gym the other day - haha Jason!  I would LOVE to be at the gym.  I miss my Wednesday class.  Miss the treadmill.  Just miss being there with all those fit people.  We have been eating such good food!  Pork steaks last night, roasted chicken the night before that, tacos, BBQ, mostaccioli, roast beef, chicken casserole, and more.  How can you not gain weight? 

Look what Trudi brought me!! I had requested Heaven Scent donuts.  Had a huge craving and thought it was most likely on her way over here.  She wouldn't take my money of course.  Then she pulls out the vanilla coke from Steak n Shake.  I was in sugar heaven.  I thought of hiding them from my family.  I did not.  And then my friend Tricia brought over the most delicious cookies ever.  I'm thinking of hiding them from everyone else too.  I will be saying hello to the gym again soon.  very soon.

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The boys' last day of school was Thursday.  I was so hoping to be able to be there for a few minutes of it.  Didn't work out with the surgery on Wednesday.    I realized in the middle of the night Wednesday night that I didn't have a photo of Elliott with his teacher and started to panic a bit knowing I couldn't go and get one.  I ended up sending a camera with him and he got some really good shots of him and his friends. 

This is his teacher, Ms. Taylor.  She has been a great teacher! He has really enjoyed 2nd grade and all of his classmates.  He seems to be able to make friends easily, and this year his class was full of friends from our neighborhood and from his class last year.  It always makes all the difference when your child has a good teacher and good friends in his class! 

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I asked my sister to bring me some shampoo.  This is what she brought me

I was totally out of shampoo when she came last week, and I still couldn't get out and shop on my own.  I knew I would most likely be losing my hair soon from the chemo but wanted to enjoy my favorite shampoo while I could.  She obviously thinks I'm going to have lots of hair for a long time :)  I love her positive attitude.  I love that she spoiled me with way more than I asked for or needed, just cause she wanted me to be pampered in some way during all of this.  She may have to come and actually wash my hair for me if I can't move my arm soon!

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I am thankful for this.  Clean washcloths in our linen closet, but more so for the only reason we have any clean washcloths at all.  My mom.

It's stressful to me to have family, friends, or anyone staying with us when I don't feel good.  Yet at the same time, I would be stressing even more if no one were here because nothing would function at our house.  I want so much not to worry about it and just enjoy someone being here taking care of us.   I'm incredibly thankful that someone loves us enough to come and take care of us!  I'm sure they can tell that I'm stressed and I hate that.  It doesn't have anything to do with them, in particular.  It's just that running this household is primarily my domain.  It's my job and I enjoy it.  I like organizing everything and making sure everything is running the way we need it to run.   I just have a really hard time letting someone else do it (it's entirely possible that I'm a bit obsessive-compulsive about it - maybe just a little - maybe).  But when you've been hit with the C-word, sometimes you look in your linen closet and are incredibly grateful for clean washcloths, and are reminded that it doesn't matter how they got there but it does matter that people love you enough to put up with you and put them there :)

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We've been showered with so many cards these past few weeks!  So many that I actually took the Christmas card pictures down and replaced them with all the encouraging cards coming in.

This one came all the way from California from someone I've never even met.  I looked at the return address and knew who she was because Nyla has talked about her so much.  I  opened the envelope and knew without a doubt it was her because of the sweet handmade card that was inside.   I was so touched that she would take the time to send a card and a sweet note just because we have a mutual love for a friend.  And she sent me a verse, one that had been running on my carousel of thoughts for the last few days

"For I know the plans I have for you"
declares the Lord,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future"
Jeremiah 29:11

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I am disappointed not to be at church with my family this morning, but it's a blessing of alone time which I have not had for quite a few days now.  Sometimes I just need quiet.  To listen to whatever music I want or just listen to nothing. 

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This morning Ethan came downstairs to where I was sleeping on the couch.  I've been having to sleep sitting up because of the drain and also because it's just not comfortable to sleep on my back anymore.  After waking up several times last night I finally just moved to the couch where I knew I could sleep since I had done plenty of it there yesterday!  So, anyway, he comes down and says

"Mom can I see how much is in your tank?"

I was confused for a few seconds and then realized he was talking about the drain bulb that collects the fluid.  Funny boy.  They have been educated about more medical terms, procedures, equipment, etc. than I really wanted them to know about.  Ever.  But they are boys.  Boys who are interested in all things that I deem disgusting.  Sweet boys.  Elliott was home by himself with me yesterday and took care of me so well, always coming to check on me, making sure everything was quiet, that I was comfortable, to see if I needed anything.

I know it's frustrating for them.  They want to go to the pool and play like they would on any other summer vacation.  All three of us cried Friday afternoon.  I feel so badly that I can't get up and do much with them.  Elliott is frustrated because of his leg, which limits what he is able to do.  Ethan is healthy and mad that he can't do anything because everyone else is healing.  Everyone's patience and tolerance is starting to run thin here :)  I'm so thankful to friends who just come and get the boys to go play at their house or offer to take them somewhere or come to visit.  We would all be crazy over here if it weren't for them!!!  I'm hoping to feel well enough this week to get some cool things planned that we can do at home over the summer - suggestions are welcome!

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The cicadas are loud!  Really loud.  But I love that sound.  There is something peaceful about it.  I'm not sure why but it reminds me of being at this plantation along the Great River Road near New Orleans.  I would have been content to have stayed there forever.  Huge oak trees lining the drive.  Huge antebellum home with graceful porches.  Sitting out there with a warm breeze.  Listening to the cicadas.  Maybe that's the last time I heard them.  I don't know.  I know everyone else is annoyed with them, but I love listening to them.

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Brian and I went outside last night and I sat on the patio for a few minutes.  So nice to be out in some fresh air!  And I noticed that the hydrangeas were blooming.  They're pink!  We had some in Georgia and they were blue.  They were pretty but these are so much prettier I think.  I'll get a picture next time I'm down there.  I'm so glad that we got the patio done last year cause it gives us a peaceful place to go and just sit.  I'm anxious to get down there and pull some weeds and cut some of the hydrangea flowers to bring upstairs.