Well well well... whatdoyouknow... The last post was more than 7 years ago.
Kind of thinking of how to spend my time while in isolation. Day 5 in and the 2 lines still looking strong. Regardless, thankful that the symptoms have all but abated and from here on it's just a waiting game. Not too helpful that the bachelor's party has started without me!
So I guess the only person who may ever find out that this blog post is up will be love and yes, the long awaited post is here (you are still keeping this page as your home page in the phone browser right?)! Of course, perhaps you would also know what has caused this unusual bit of self-reflection.
Turning 32 was probably not a good start of the year for me, I realized how much I've failed to understand what has been going on around me, and that through these years I've caused you immense pressure such that you have to bottle up your feelings. I recall you telling me all these while to tell you everything and let you be the first to know if love has faded. It's ironic yet revealing to know that you've became what you've told me not to become. I only can imagine the pain you had to go thru should you also have felt this way.
It was a mixed bag of feelings and thoughts learning about this, of course comes the stress, anxiety, sadness and undoubtedly, anger and frustrations. I guess being a person who has a control / limited capacity for emotions, I made the conscious choice not to give in to anger.
Although I had accounts from closest of friends and knowing that these are very real, it just did not occur to me that it somehow can strike us. Especially when I thought we were stable, unwavering and all ready for our marriage.
Like I said, there are alot of takeaways from this episode, I will learn and I will understand in time. Yes, it took alot of disagreements, unhappiness and a heartbreak to get here, but now I understand. If you recall, how long did it take you to make me learn that it's okay for you to hang out late with your friends... these were things that I had to learn which may really basic to you. (Sorry for the lack of experience =X)
It's truly a frightening experience, to know we could have lost it all overnight. I don't know about you but I have already been envisioning what our life would be like; Getting married while still staying separately, hanging out as usual with my friends on Saturdays, getting our house next year and moving in etc etc... (always the next move in my mind) .
And for me personally, I am all in to work out our differences together, even if we have to re-learn each other's ways from scratch. I've made the decision when I went on one knee and that to me is already a sacred promise I made to you and myself that I will stick it with you to the end. I only can wish that you would find that faith and trust in me again that I am the one that you can rely on for any matter in your life.
I will use this as a constant reminder to myself that I have to give you support whenever you need it. On the other hand, I hope you will also realise that it is also my belief that we need to also keep each other in check as a couple. There has to be a balance in whatever we choose to do and we will choose it together.
