Blogging- updates

I do agree I have not blogged in a while. It's not that I don't want to, it's just that after updgrading my Ipad, I can no longer click on this box and write anything. Stupid thing. Even after I changed to a Samsung tab, the same thing happens. Guess I am just not good with high-tech electronics. I did wrote a few post on my ipad, currently in the possession of my mum. Might post it in the future as a reference to my life for the pass few months. Just a little update on myself. Just came back from Cambodia on Monday, tired like hell but fun at the same time other than one annoying 'aunty' who happens to be a guy that has similar characteristics as my ex. Brings back a lot of memories, especially how stupid I was. I will just have to let bygones be bygones and not tell u how stupid I seem back then. Maybe I might, in the future. Currently in my new job, still unsure of what I am doing but guess I will be staying here for at least another year before deciding to move on to another company. Being quite a newbie company, everything is so volatile and unsure that it makes it hard and easy to cope at the same time. Seeing that I am blogging during working hours, even with my boss looking at the cctv shining on me can mean a lot. Since I have yet to decide on my future career (I know that I am not young anymore, but I still can't decide yet), I will just stay put and try to perform. Maybe, I will get lucky. > < On the other side, my love life is still as unstable as ever. Seeing that I have no intention on settling down and I have no idea how to determine if I actually like someone or just lusting for a company. I guess I will just continue being me and try to twist people into loving me (evil smirk) and then tell them I am not interested (Evil Laugh). We will see how it goes. I am still twisted inside, might be from the sadistic part of me being more dominant. Anyway, a short account on something before I go into details next time - Confess to C, he thought I was joking, I think I am joking as well. Told A about it and got scolded by him about making it sound like a joke. Being pointed out by A that that's why he thought I was only joking and chose another. Agreed that we both confessed at the wrong time to each other and will try to forget about each other. Though I sincerely hope he breaks up with that bitch that I don't like and end up with me. (wakakaka). Anyway, I am still living my life. My thoughts now is just, the sky and earth are still intact and I am not dead yet, so just stay how I am. And I am happy.

Feelings

I admit that I don't know how to control my feelings. I can love and hate at the same moment and I practically show whatever I feel so easily that everyone who took a second to notice can easily know what I am feeling. I hate and love myself for this as well. My feelings change every time I encounter something or maybe think of something. I can like something now but change my mind about it later. But, when I choose not to love or like anything anymore, I won't change. Because I know the time I made that decision, I have already run out of reasons to stay loyal to it. My feelings can change so easily that I sometimes feel that it is aging games with me. I can easily fall for something and easily fall out of it, but I did find all the reasons to leave it before I really make a decision to do so. Maybe that's why I don't really regret the decisions I've made. I don't really care about how people perceive me as long as I am happy, maybe it might hurt others, but I think it's better than me feeling bad. I am selfish, especially when it involves my feelings. So, I am sorry to those I've hurt and those I am going to hurt.

Decisions

Why do we make the decisions we make now? How can it affect us in the future? Why do we still decide to do something when others advise otherwise? What is the push behind every decision you make? Are u sure it's the right choice? I have been making awful decisions in my life that I don't regret in the long run( I only regret for a while and then accept it as it is). Yet, I still try to convince people making a decision based on something you think is true now is fairly stupid as who knows what will happen in the near future. Maybe I really don't think too far ahead of me that I always end up doing the wrong things. Well, I guess as long as I don't hurt anyone, I am fine with it. Exerting self control. I doubt that I can ever control myself as much as I want to. Salute to those who control their feelings so strongly that they can show no emotions in almost every circumstances. Pay tribute to those who control themselves so much that most of the time they are blinded by the lied they create for themselves to believe in so they can continue to be in control. I can not do it, no matter how much I want to. But, I will try.

Screwed....

You know you are screwed up when you are flirting with someone else's boyfriend. And you are even screwed up when there is 2 of them. One first then followed by another. What are you thinking? Are you really that desperate? I don't understand why are you doing this? For the thrill of it or do you really like both and don't know how to handle it? And may I remind you that both are already attached!! Tearing people apart is not a good thing you know. Stop being a screwed up bitch, you idiot!!!

Acceptance

Acceptance is something that we all have to learn in some parts of our lives. If you cannot accept, you can only change that has been accepted by others or be like the rest and embrace the acceptance. I accepted the fact that we have to compete with each other and work together at the same time and that sometimes you might not be able to tell me the whole truth. But, I will still get pissed sometimes because of that. My colleague from production has been complaining about his boss the whole week now. I think it's time for him to accept that his boss actually don't care how he felt as long as he gets what he wants. I agree that his boss is a pain in the ass that doesnt listen to other people and says things that hurt. But, if you can't change him, change yourself or accept that he is a bastard and continue working with him. Accepting ones fault is much harder than you thing, especially accepting ones own fault. I hope I learn how to accept things are most of the time until I learn how to change it to my best advantage. Note to self: if you don't know whether you are wrong or right, just wait longer, you did learn the answer soon. Current thought: Stop thinking about that stupid incident no matter how bad or good it is at the same time.

Don't understand

Some people just don't understand you. They just need you to tell them straight to their face that they are the problem. Their every movement, speech and even thoughts are so damn annoying that it make no sense for u not to fume up. You just don't think that you are the problem, don't you? You think that you are so great at manipulating everything that people actually don't see it? We just ignore it and accept your good side, you idiot. But don't overstep the border, you did be looking for trouble. You can continue smiling in front of everyone and pretending to be friendly, but know that whenever I smile to you, it is with the same reasoning behind your smile, that is just to look good in front of everyone else. Best regards to you, Mr. Hypocrite.

Another emotional unstable day..

Working till 12.15am is really going to take a toll on me. Especially when I won't be sleeping early the following night as well as I promise movie night with the 2 girls. I am reverting to my old self once again. And I don't like it. Guess some things don't really change that easily. I did like to tell someone that I am sick of him but don't have the guts to. Coward. I did say I am kind of a coward but it also means that I think twice before I boldly tell someone off and suffer the consequences later. Why do I feel sick of him? Because he doesn't cooperate with me at work. What does he mean when he answer all my question with 'nothing', 'don't know', 'not sure' and 'it's hard to explain' when he blardy knows everything. He can even pretend that i am not there when he blardy hell knows that I am angry because he is withholding information from me. Office politics is a sucker. I just don't understand why. I can take not knowing if I am not involved in it, but I can't take it if I am and you don't want me to know anything. Especially when we are frinds. This Got me all down and moody today that anyone can see that I am not in a good mood. Sigh, when will I learn how to keep my emotions to myself? From now on, If I did like someone to feel bad, I did backstab them than to show them my feelings since they totally have no regard for it. Time to sleep. Hope I learn from my mistakes.