The two weeks have been challenging and eventful for me. On one hand, the events took my attention away from the loss, on the other, now that everything has settled, I return to deal with myself.
I thought a movie would have helped, one of the scenes reminded me of the feeling of loss. His loss drove him bury his humanity and kill lesser humans, those whom he deem, do not deserve to live.
We learn from the episode and try to move on, at our own pace. No one should hurry me, I owe no explanation to any one. I sometimes think of the unborn child, nothing in particular, except that I once held it in my womb. It would be heartless to not even give it some time of my day, I feel.
Sometimes I wonder if it had chosen to leave because I give so much attention to my first born.
Sometimes I wonder if, I am overcompensating on my firstborn because of the loss.
Most of the time, I rationally remind myself that, devoting so much time to ponder isnt going to bring me/us any where... I look forward to the time i can start to exercise and correct any inherent issue before we can try again.
I look forward to becoming healthy again, a new-old me.
I feel a pinch as I see people post photos with their newborns. It could have been me in Nov. I went through in my head, what could have gone wrong - diet, rest, myths, etc... A twitch in my abdomen reminded me of you. Although now there is no longer any trace of pregnancy left.
We will survive this and learn how to manage the loss, in our own ways. Seeing people lose their love ones will remind me of this, somewhat - it is a pain that everyone will, at some point, have to endure on his own, but it is a kind of pain that no one ought to have to go through.
Through this, I learn to have compassion for the people who lose their love ones.
We treasure each life that we come into contact with, do our best to enrich our lives and others.
