感觉好像再跑一场没有终点的马拉松。好累。可是不知道怎么放弃，也没有办法放弃。

只好不停的往好的方面去想，逼自己注意好的。

过一天算一天。不敢想别的。

只能告诉自己：幸好不是更糟。

I haven't updated this since we met 5 plus months ago! 

Life changing event indeed. Looking back, it wasnt easy coming to terms being someone who is responsible for another human being. But during the process, everyday was to focus on getting by, by feeding you, expressing milk, eating enough... Until I went back to work, another set of challenges, and now, without a helper...

Someone told me last week "challenges are thrown to those who can overcome them". Well, I supposed I am much better off than many people, so who am I to complain? Times like these, it is much easier if one takes it day by day, it is easier to manage. Rather than take the difficulty and extrapolate to x number of days/months/years... Things will only become easier, either because you get stronger, or there's a change in the situation. 

Well, it could get worse too, but by then you would have gotten better at the original bad situation, and so all you need to do, is to take on the new challenge.

Sounds very easy. Tough in practice.

One other thing to help get by day by day, is to be grateful for something. To reflect on the situation and find one good point about it. I am grateful for my family members, who are not just supportive, they go the extra mile to help me. 

Somedays, you just have to tell yourself, at least I am still alive. That is the thing to be grateful about when all else seems bleak. Then go home to sleep. Sleep is a wonderful elixir that cures all evil :p that's also the thing i lack very much now. But somehow, you get used to the strange sleep pattern...

You are a big baby now, compared to 5 months ago. Everyday, I rush home to see you. Even when you are throwing your tantrum, I am happy to be with you. It is not a matter of, "seeing you smile makes it all worth it", it is a matter of "i need to do this for you". There's no need for you to ask, it is always in anticipation of what you need. There's no another 5 mins in bed when you are up waiting to drink in the middle of the night. There's no procratinating because "I need to do this for you" now, before you wake up and look for a playmate again. 

I am not saying I am a great mother. I am saying now, I understand the magnitude of mother's love, there are no parameters, it is boundless - because a mother is not thinking about loving the child, the mother just does what she thinks the child needs, no question asked. It is instinctive, not through thought process...

Thank you, for being the wonderful angel in my life and showing me I am capable of so much, capable of loving so much :)