感觉好像再跑一场没有终点的马拉松。好累。可是不知道怎么放弃，也没有办法放弃。

只好不停的往好的方面去想，逼自己注意好的。

过一天算一天。不敢想别的。

只能告诉自己：幸好不是更糟。

I haven't updated this since we met 5 plus months ago! 

Life changing event indeed. Looking back, it wasnt easy coming to terms being someone who is responsible for another human being. But during the process, everyday was to focus on getting by, by feeding you, expressing milk, eating enough... Until I went back to work, another set of challenges, and now, without a helper...

Someone told me last week "challenges are thrown to those who can overcome them". Well, I supposed I am much better off than many people, so who am I to complain? Times like these, it is much easier if one takes it day by day, it is easier to manage. Rather than take the difficulty and extrapolate to x number of days/months/years... Things will only become easier, either because you get stronger, or there's a change in the situation. 

Well, it could get worse too, but by then you would have gotten better at the original bad situation, and so all you need to do, is to take on the new challenge.

Sounds very easy. Tough in practice.

One other thing to help get by day by day, is to be grateful for something. To reflect on the situation and find one good point about it. I am grateful for my family members, who are not just supportive, they go the extra mile to help me. 

Somedays, you just have to tell yourself, at least I am still alive. That is the thing to be grateful about when all else seems bleak. Then go home to sleep. Sleep is a wonderful elixir that cures all evil :p that's also the thing i lack very much now. But somehow, you get used to the strange sleep pattern...

You are a big baby now, compared to 5 months ago. Everyday, I rush home to see you. Even when you are throwing your tantrum, I am happy to be with you. It is not a matter of, "seeing you smile makes it all worth it", it is a matter of "i need to do this for you". There's no need for you to ask, it is always in anticipation of what you need. There's no another 5 mins in bed when you are up waiting to drink in the middle of the night. There's no procratinating because "I need to do this for you" now, before you wake up and look for a playmate again. 

I am not saying I am a great mother. I am saying now, I understand the magnitude of mother's love, there are no parameters, it is boundless - because a mother is not thinking about loving the child, the mother just does what she thinks the child needs, no question asked. It is instinctive, not through thought process...

Thank you, for being the wonderful angel in my life and showing me I am capable of so much, capable of loving so much :)

1.5 months old

1.5 months is how long since we have met officially. Our little angel is growing day by day. Not a day goes by without me thinking about how to be a better parent, how to give you what you need other than feeding you and clothing you. That is perhaps why people over indulge their kids, believing that giving them what the kids want is the best they can do as parents.

Habits changed because of our new responsibilities, sleep being interrupted for night feeds, thinking twice before stuffing food into my mouth, reading about parenting and child related articles online. Adjustments that come with the new addition. 

Grateful that with so much adjustments to make, our domestic helper is playing her part very well. I struggle everyday on how much should I involve my helper in the caring of the little one. Yet my helper manages the demands of the household with a smile. I recognize that things are not entirely easy on her too, so there is a lot of managing of expectations, mine as well as hers.

There are definitely trying times while nursing you, while facing unsolicited advice, especially when I felt I was criticised (even though it was not the intention of the speaker to criticise). Those days are difficult. Bad times, good times, they will all pass. I get angry, upset, rant to my friends and I get back together again. There is no reason to hold on to any emotions.

Living with you, makes me appreciate the simple things - an extra hour of sleep, a smile from you, your cry, your sleeping look, your contented look after milk, watching a one-hour show on tv with the husband, an afternoon out by myself, eating well.

【超讚】 中一新生發言稿，震驚所有家長！ 大家好，我是王寧。 今天能站在這裡，純屬偶然。 為什麼說偶然呢？ 因為，南雅是個人才濟濟的地方，164班是一個優秀的集體。 個人認為，班級前二十幾名的同學，時機適宜，誰考班上第一名都有可能。 媽媽對我說：考了第一名，不要有壓力，這一次已證明了你有考第一名的實力。 以後，出現名次上下浮動都很正常，以平常心對待。 先說明一下，因為時間緊，這份發言稿是我和爸爸媽媽一起寫的， 下面就孩子的學習和家庭教育的幾個觀點和大家探討一下： 1、關於分數。 從小學開始，爸爸媽媽對我就是這樣要求的， 只要學習態度好，考試考多少分都不會怪我， 所以，我考試對分數沒什麼壓力， 所以很少有發揮失常的時候，成績也差不到哪去。 我的經驗就是：像考試一樣做認真做作業，像做作業一樣地輕鬆考試。 初中了，媽媽重新告訴我：考試，只要考出你的真實水平，就可以。 比如，某次考試，你的真實水平是90分，你考了90分，就很好。 如果，因為某種原因，你只考了70分，那爸爸媽媽就會為你遺憾，因為你的努力付出沒有得到對等的回報。 在我們家，分數引起的反應基本上是波瀾不驚的，考100分也好，80分也好，沒什麼太大的反響。 人生處處是考場，從容面對，考出自己真實水平就好。在我們家，物質也不與分數，成績掛鉤。 物質上的東西，能給生活帶來便利，而爸爸媽媽的經濟能承受的，就會給我買，與成績沒關係。 爸爸媽媽認為，那種掛鉤很容易培養孩子的功利思想，而偏離了學習和生活的本質。 我身上不缺零用錢，錢包裡有一張銀行卡備用，家裡的小盒子裡，爸爸媽媽也常放了幾百元零錢備用。 爸爸媽媽的理念是，在當今充滿誘惑的時代，孩子不缺錢、不缺愛，到外面走彎路的概率就要小很多。 2、享受生活。 教育的最終目的是讓孩子有能力創造幸福生活，享受生活。 我們覺得，享受生活，不要說等你長大以後，而是從今天開始，從現在開始。 有一次，一位奶奶對我說，你父母對你這麼好，你一定要好好學習，長大報答你的父母。 媽媽更正了這種說法，對我說：對父母的報答不是很高的分數，而是從現在開始，好好活著，每一天。 所以，學習只是我生活重要的一部分，但不是全部。 交朋友、看電影、打扮漂亮、和小狗狗玩、適當上網玩遊戲放鬆、 去鄉下陪伴疼愛我的奶奶、外婆外公、聊有好感的男生等等這些讓我的生活很豐富， 也讓我的生活充滿了愛，生命之火激情燃燒。 媽媽說，她從我的每一篇作文中，都感覺到了我對愛的理解。 3、閱讀經典。 閱讀經典，是學好語文的關鍵。也是理解人生的重要途徑。 經典之所以成為經典，必定有它的卓越之處。 從去年開始，我開始閱讀外國經典名著。 我強烈地感覺到，我的作文、考試做閱讀題目都上了一個台階。 在閱讀的時候，並不一定感覺到明顯效果，但寫起作文來，筆下的文采彷彿不是自己的，涓涓流出。 這就是文化的熏陶，在不知不覺中融入到了閱讀者的生命。 建議大家不要讓孩子讀那種快餐書籍，比如各種雜誌、童話故事、如何成功速成等等， 要讀經典的的世界名著。可能剛開始讀，會找不著感覺，但讀上兩三本，就會找到節奏。 有一次，媽媽問我：你閱讀名著時，感受到愉悅了嗎？ 我說，感受到了！那一刻，媽媽很欣慰。因為，愉悅，是最高層次的享受。 從階段性的作用上講，閱讀經典可以使語文成績提高十分左右，這十分左右對於中考來說，是多麼重要。 4、音樂的熏陶 閱讀、音樂和其他藝術形式，其終極意義都是讓人在某一階段感到愉悅，讓靈魂舒展，輕盈。 孩子們時間很緊張，媽媽平時在接送我，或開車一起外出的時候， 會根據情況適時的挑選一些高雅的音樂在車裡放。 我在放鬆的情況下，不知不覺地接觸到了一些世界名曲，和一些歌詞寫得很好的歌曲， 這一次我的作文拿了高分，就是以平時在車上聽到的那些音樂為題材寫的。 5、潤物細無聲。 現在的孩子叛逆心極重，我也不例外。 比如閱讀，聽音樂這些事情， 我媽媽做得很隨意，不露痕跡， 根據我的情緒來，在我想休息或者做其他事的時候， 她會尊重我的意見，不強行攤派。 6、訓練孩子的獨立性，有主見。 從小，爸爸媽媽就有意識地培養我的獨立性。 因為，孩子不可能一輩子生活在父母的羽翼下。 尊重孩子的選擇，這是最重要的。 因為，人生很多事情不是只有一個選擇，可以有很多選擇， 每一種選擇都有一定的道理。 不要用家長心中的選擇去評價孩子。 比如：我五歲的時候，天氣很熱，從幼兒園出來，很渴，想要喝飲料。 媽媽給錢給我，讓我自己去買。 我害羞，因為從未嘗試過，害怕，就不肯自己去。 媽媽告訴我，現在你有兩個選擇， 一是自己去買，然後喝。一是自己不去買，那就忍著，回家再喝水。 我猶豫了一下，選擇了不去買，忍著。 媽媽覺得這也是一種選擇，就尊重我，也不評價我。 小學時，放學下雨了，媽媽也不會主動送傘。 她知道，我總會想辦法的，比如，和同學共撐一把傘， 比如在教室裡先做作業，比如去超市裡避雨，順便逛一逛超市。 因為，我曾對媽媽說過，你女兒沒你想像的那麼蠢，總會想到辦法。 再比如：現在我買衣服，媽媽只負責出錢。 上次，和同學一起去買地攤貨，25元買了一件襯衣，穿到學校來了， 媽媽說也還漂亮，但建議我把那些線頭剪一下，別讓人一眼就看出地攤貨。 第二次，我又去買了一件，拿回來就覺得小了。 媽媽也沒評價我，建議我送給一個比我矮一點的朋友了。 這都是我的選擇，爸爸媽媽都尊重我。不作負面評價。 就是這樣，我一路思考，爸爸媽媽一路尊重，我漸漸長大了，遇事不逃避，學會思考，有自己的主見。 7、關於粗心 經常聽見有家長這樣說自己的孩子，我家孩子這次錯的題目好多都知道做，就是粗心啊。 在這裡，我想談一談我們家的觀點。 從五年級起，媽媽就告訴我：粗心，就是能力差，學得不紮實的表現！ 任何時候，都不要說是因為粗心沒考好。 也請家長不要再為孩子找這個推脫責任的藉口。 細心、沉穩、腳踏實地是必備的能力， 如果具備了這些能力，偶爾丟一兩分，可以理解， 超過兩分，就是能力還欠缺，學得不紮實。 這個觀點，媽媽五年級開始和我交流，我也漸漸認同。 所以，我正常情況下能考高分，成績穩定，這個觀點應該起了很大的作用。 8、培養孩子的能力 家長要放手，在可控的範圍下盡量放手。 比如，做一件事，孩子去做，可能只能打30分， 你不滿意，罵他，甚至代替他做了，當時事情的效果可以打90分。 但請家長注意，這90分，永遠是你的90分，孩子仍然是0分。 如果，你讓他做，用他不反感的方式指點一下， 這一次可能只是30分，下一次就有可能是60分， 再下一次，可能就是95分，甚至比你做得更好。 所以，家長要學習聰明地示弱，把機會讓給孩子， 並及時鼓勵肯定孩子。爸爸媽媽終將老去， 要學會把舞台適時地讓給孩子，讓他們發揮。 孩子只有在一次次的實踐、思考中，不斷長大，獨立，然後超越父母。 長江後浪拍前浪，我爸爸媽媽常常很幸福地被我拍死在沙灘上。 9、賞識孩子，扶持孩子的自信，呵護孩子的自尊 中華民族是個謙遜的民族。 在教育孩子方面，卻容易走入一個誤區。 不注意賞識孩子的優點，而過份強調孩子的錯誤。 當我做得對的時候，爸爸媽媽會及時肯定我，表揚我。 媽媽平時在同朋友談話時，談到孩子的時候，她會充分肯定孩子身上的優點。 我們偶爾聽到，表面會裝得不在意， 實際上，我們很在意，得到肯定的這些優點， 我們會繼續堅持，越來越好。 會按照父母描述的那樣優秀的樣子去校準自己的言行。 當孩子出現錯誤的時候，就事論事地分析。 不哆嗦，不翻舊賬。正確面對事情，改正就好。 事情過了，繼續過美好的生活，不要把負面情緒過分強調和延伸。 最錯誤的方式是，在公眾面前訓斥孩子，丟孩子的臉。 家長們，請呵護孩子脆弱的自尊！ 當然，是人就會有缺點，我也有一些缺點，就不在這裡說了，呵呵。 10、必然性與偶然性。 開始，我說我考第一名是偶然， 現在我想告訴大家，當爸爸媽媽用心地把孩子呵護好了， 這種偶然，就是必然！ 孩子具備了努力、堅強、細心、有愛心等等這些品質， 偶然地考上一次或幾次第一名就成了必然。 最後，我向關心、教育我的老師們、我的爸爸媽媽致以最誠摯的謝意： 你們辛苦了！謝謝你們！ 向曾經關心、幫助我的朋友們、同學們說一聲：謝謝！ 祝老師們、家長們：工作順利、身體健康！ 祝同學們：生活開心、學業有成！ 【 長沙南雅中學一新生發言稿，震驚所有家長！ ！】

The Beginning

Hello my precious little angel, we finally met. Seems like I've known you forever. The way we met is the most exciting... There was a chance that either or both of us might not have made it. Yet, with all the help we've got, both of us survived. Thank you for being a strong baby, as you have been since conception. I have faith that you will have that spirit in you throughout your life. The past week of being together with you didn't leave me much time for reflection. The days revolved around feeding you and resting, eating well - back to the basics. At times, it might have been trying... fortunately, we have help at home to look after you in the meanwhile, while I recuperate. This point onwards - your daily needs will be our responsibilities, life is no longer just about being responsible for myself. Life will no longer be logical, rational - there is no reasoning with a baby, but instincts of a mother shall steer me in the unknown seas. A little apprehensive, at the same time, looking forward to spend the next 4 months with you. I believe it will get trying, yet there will be a lot of joy to look forward to. As with our journey through the pregnancy, we will savour every moment spent with you at every stage of your life, not for a second wish that you are growing up at a faster rate or wish you were someone else. Watching you feed at this point in time, makes me explode with happiness :) Even when I am very very tired and cranky because it is the only thing I am currently doing for you. Being a forgetful person, I've done everything to record the moment... But I know it will always be different reviewing the pictures and videos from the actual first hand experience. and I hope, every step of the way, I can enjoy the journey as I do now. Be like water, flow with the situation. Love, WR 14:40 8 March 2014

Me time with you.

Lying on my side, and I feel you kicking me vigorously..

Though it has become quite a usual ritual, today I feel that it is unusually special. Knowing that you will be arriving soon and I will no longer remember how it feels to have you kicking inside me, makes it so special that I have to record it somewhere.

It has been a smooth journey with you so far. I look forward to meet and fall in love with you, if I haven't already.

Lessons from the past 8 months.

Last stretch of the marathon or hardly the start, some might say. Looking back at the last 8 months, reflecting on the journey. Pregnancy definitely has some effect on me and made me realised some things about myself. As much as I aspire to show/display self-control, it is easy to do so when things are going well, the conditions favour my choice of "controlling my emotions, controlling my thoughts, controlling my actions". It matters more when the conditions are lacking/not favourable, that I can also display such control - which requires a lot more mindfulness and communication with one-self. Sometimes, it seems almost impossible and it feels unfair that I should control myself (because of whatever reasons) and all hell breaks loose (I mean HELL). Besides blaming on hormones, I can only say that I am only human and strive to do better at the next test. "Seeking balance" is also a recurring theme during this period of time. After reading and listening to advice relating to child birth/rearing, it is still a blur to me what I wish to do. I have a general idea that I wish our child can have a childhood but do not know what exactly I would do for her in this aspect. The only thing that is clear to me, is not to go to the extreme. Be it in preparing for her arrival, thinking about her learning, caring for her... I just hope these things are instinctive and comes naturally once she is here. In any event, we would have to take one-step-a-day, and recognise that it would be impossible to have a 5 year plan like building a corporation. Also, I read a story online about a monk being tasked to wash a Venerable's robes after an all night meditation. The moral of the story is that "doing it is easier than thinking about it" - he was so angry thinking about the amount of work he had to do after an all-night meditation, that he started complaining to the narrator about it. The narrator, who initially wanted to offer an helping hand, told him "doing it is easier than thinking about it" and left. The monk thought about it and went about his chores, returning to the narrator at night to thank him for his advice. This simple story makes so much sense - more often than not, we freak out/get angry/overwhelmed by mammoth tasks and stop doing any thing about the task. Whereas, more often than not, when we start with one small portion of the work, very soon, we find ourselves completing the task eventually. This applies to work and also very much applies to me and the pregnancy/pending delivery/child rearing. The pregnancy thus far has been smooth and the past 8 months could be interpreted as a breeze, save for the current physical difficulties of backache, etc. After attending the ante-natal classes, in particular, the one about delivery, I momentarily freak-out. I panicked because of the potential pain involved, the messiness and how uncomfortable the aftermath might be - I was not sure I can get through that. Borrowing the moral of the earlier story, thinking and worrying about not being able to go through with it wouldn't help me at all... So I had to constantly remind myself to let these thoughts go and accept and adapt to whatever that will come with the situation. Freaking out just robs me of the time to enjoy my journey now, time to prepare mentally and practically for junior. Looks like junior is already teaching me a lot before her arrival :) I only hope I remember the journey and the lessons on this journey as my days become pre-occupied with nappy changing and milk pumping. May 2014 be a great year for one and all.