New Arrival & Self-reflection

Waiting for the arrival of a new member to form a family :) Counting down the last stretch. A whole new phase in life, with new challenges, new joy, new expectations, new responsibilities... Less time, more reflections to be done. Less attention, more people to attend to. As adulthood progresses, time runs out faster than you can blink. I can only imagine what it will be like when the little one comes along :) Also noticed a new dimension to my reflections - compassion, empathy for others, whether it is warranted or not. I started to noticed how "hard logic" I used to be, partly due to my conversations with my younger sister. She makes the kind of judgment, reasoning that I used to say and I realised the element of empathy is sorely lacking. It really takes another person to make you understand yourself better. Empathy - something that is not taught in school, in our system. In fact, most soft skills aren't. Most things that aren't quantifiable have no place in our schools. Unfortunately, without the endorsement from school curriculum, column in our PSLE, O'lvl, A'lvl certificate, we seemed to have forgotten the importance of imparting such skills/values to our next generation. But I digressed. Empathy, makes life more complicated, no longer black/white, even if something is not a logical conclusion, you find yourself being able to sympathize with someone's choice in life. Choice - "We have the freedom to choose, but we cant choose the consequences." In Buddhism, this relates to the concept of Karma. Over the past two days, I've been trying to reconcile what I've seen and my beliefs. Trying to rationalise, and understand actions of others, my possible response and how such response is consistent with my beliefs. If we have faith in the concept of Karma, we would understand and pity those whose acts are not inline with the 5 precepts. But the actual practice of holding yourself back from hurting this people (with words), from letting go of the words they say (even if it is not targetted at myself), requires a lot of restraint and practise; requires a lot of faith in the teachings. One of the first questions I asked myself was, "Are we just going to take it lying down? not retaliate? Not to teach them, let them know how much pain they are causing?" And the communicator in me asked "What is their version of truth? Why is it they see things so differently? What can we understand from their 'accusation'? Is there no way to mediate this and find a common ground?" And the buddhist in me said "Everything is due to cause and effect. To retaliate is to perpetuate the cycle. Try as we might to stay in peace - Buddha said "A gift not accepted, remains with the person bearing the gift." An insult that is not received, will remain with the person who made that comment." In the initial stages, I definitely cannot see how I could sympathise with such characters, who view other's dignity as faeces and their possessions as definition for their lives, to be compassionate towards these people because of the way they lead their lives. Until now, I am still unable to bring myself to dedicate any type of goodwill to them... I'm no saint, and at the most I could do is to save myself and not harbour any hatred towards them. Life offers lessons, we can, through reflection, learn from ourselves.

self-improvement

For all the knowledge I possess in communication, I fail to apply it to myself. :) Always room for self-improvement.

感恩。

这四天感恩有家人的照顾，包括先生的婆婆帮我张罗一餐。

Close of another chapter

Another chapter has ended today. Finally said goodbye to my work place for 3 years and 2 months. Not a long time, not too short either. The departure can accurately be described as bitter-sweet-and-spicy.. Bitter because there was a bigger push factor to leave than there was a pull factor; the sweetness of my co-workers, superiors, admin, friends and their support/love throughout the difficult times; spicy as even on the last day, we had to clash. Events leading up to the departure left me suspicious of my professional abilities. It is very challenging to reassure yourself that you are doing alright when your superior constantly reminds you otherwise, whether such opinion is substantiated or not. As with all experiences, I've learnt something out of this episode - it is that if your superior is "on your side", mistakes can be tolerated, otherwise, any small mistake can be made a grave one. This might come across as a cynical view, and it is probably because I am not able to express it properly. And the more important lesson is how stubborn I am... Stubborn and impulsive at times... Lastly, I need to re-evaluate and reflect on my attitude towards my superiors and people I deal with. My interactions with people at work lack intention, the interactions are very instinctive - I am instinctively very friendly with admin staff, very distant from superiors, etc. I need to put more thought into them and challenge my assumptions in my interaction with others at work. All the best to me :) 不经一事，不长一智。

家家有本难念的经。。。

Family issues are the most difficult, because there is family history, emotional baggages, financial implications and values of individuals. These are elements that are difficult to negotiate on its own, let alone to have them altogether... Usually, "right" or "wrong" is less clear, or may be secondary/peripheral to the actual issues. As such, there is a chinese saying - "清官难断家务事" - it is impossible for one to judge family matters, even for an upright and clear headed judge. Besides, long family history often makes matters more complicated. Grandparents, uncles, aunties, cousins, reciprocity, gifts, who failed to attend whoever's party, etc, tend to make matters worse. Sadly, many people presume that they can and should interfere with others' businesses, simply on the basis that they are "family" no matter how distant the core families are, causing much unnecessary grief and problems to others. On the flip side, those who are at the receiving end of the "evil treatment" can always turn a deaf ear to the noise. If these people matter, they wouldn't be saying such things, and if they don't, why are you bothered and as a result, hurt the ones who actually matter most, i.e. core family members? Easy to say. Difficult to carry out. I'm glad those who matter to me are above these gossips... :)

Both students commented about the haze today, goes to show how much the haze has affected our lives in this short span of one week. 

For me, the time off from my otherwise packed schedule meant I had time to see my parents. The shortage of masks helped me to appreciate how our family and friends reacted in times of crisis.

On a national level, amidst the complains, there are Singaporeans who have heart, and remember the less fortunate during the hard times. In stark contrast, our law-by-law ministers, ministries who only know how to quote hard facts and stay objective, it seems like they will never learn. Or perhaps, we have chosen and/or trained them to be robots. We have taken the "objective" yardstick too far. So much so that it is difficult for them to deal with organic and living beings, instead, we are merely digits and statistics. To address us, we are fed with more digits, statistics and records, treaties, etc. 

That, I feel, is the disconnect. 

Still learning about giving unsolicited advice to others; letting nature takes its course; and keeping my comments to myself.

Not in a passive manner, i think to be able to let things run the natural course is important. You react only when you are engaged - it is a bit like wing tsun, you only respond when your opponent is within the reacting range and engaged you, ie meeting of hands. And the engagement, should likely be on your terms.

There is no need for me to bounce to the other extreme, in retaliation or what not. I think the only thing I could do, is to put this into practice and be aware everytime I am on the verge of giving any advice.

一代新人换旧人

"Why do you still use a photo of you and your (ex)girlfriend as your screen saver?" I asked nearing the end of our lesson, not bothered if I would hit a healing wound.

"This is my new girlfriend!" the student replied with a smile on his face.

不但感慨＂年轻真好＂，更觉得自己落后，跟不上时代。

Despite my hassling about how heartbroken he was when he last broke up, my old-school advice about not having a relationship until after N-levels, I am happy for him. Because he is a normal teenager, and has moved on from his last experience. There will be many more, I suspect, but that is for us to know and for him to find out.

Another Sunday. 

Me and my yellow submarine...

"Right here, right now. There is no where I'd rather be."

回忆往事，感觉一抹淡淡的微笑浮现在我的脸上。
虽然对未来还没有具体的计划，我有信心能够胜任。
至于现在，
满足，感恩，宁静。

自爱，
家人的支持，和谐的相处
工作稳定，方向锁定。

这些并不是偶然。
活着，就必须学会怎么好好地活着。对自己，对家人，朋友，爱人，其他人。明白自己，明确的价值观，人与人之间的交际。

说简单不简单，说难不难。

继续努力。

＂为什么要与男子争长短？

因为有能力的女生，只会寂寥不会悲惨，只会落寞不怕落魄。＂

亦舒

珍惜。惜福。

幸福

什么是幸福？

能够选择，懂得选择，勇敢去选择

就会有幸福。

Your place in the world isn't subject to their approval.

Why accept their frame of the situation, where you are required to play by their rules? You are already accepting their version of the world by doing that.

We all know how this ends, although I always hope my friends are the exceptions, I already know how this will end.

I guess you are right, you've chosen this path, you shall take responsibility of the consequences.

With that, I only hope you will learn to set your boundaries, know when to leave this wreckage behind.

Time to reflect....
是时候自我检讨了。。。