WR's statistics for xmas:

SPent 33 hrs in office for 2 days;
Apologised to 8 ppl within 12 hours..

I'm damn frustrated.

:)

But no one will understand right?

Unfortunately, I really need to blog today before starting my work.

The objective of the whole post is to ease my state of upset-ness since last night and to prevent me from telling that culprit off face to face, which might escalate matters.

I/We have stood by the ringside to watch the entire mess unfold before our eyes. Not one time have we stepped in to try to mediate because:

1) Since we do not know any thing, we didn't want to make things worse as u will say that we are taking sides.

2) I personally saw the entire episode as an attention grabbing stunt. (Yes, and i'm actually wasting my time now to provide that space on my blog) and

3) We are in no position to mediate a quarrel between the two of you.

So we have very intentionally left things alone as they were, not wanting to be involved.

When asked why you didn't let us know what happened, I appreciate the same courtesy - to leave us out of the picture. Instead, you went ranting on how bad we are as friends, not allowing you to grow, too protective...

Excuse them for being good friends, or trying to be there for you as friends. (I have never tried being there for you before, pls don't waste my time)

Please forgive them for trying to render you advice which you do not appreciate because they are not things you wish to hear. Have we ONCE force it down your throat? They are not judgmental. I AM. I distant myself from you when you don't listen. THAT IS JUDGMENTAL.

They are the idiots who are always there for you even if you do stupid things, listening to your whining, hoping things will turn out better for you, hoping one day you will GROW UP!

For goodness sake, please don't try to give me that rubbish about having to bump ur head to grow up. WHen you bump ur head, other people have sleepless nights. How do u deal with ur emotional trauma? By imposing more trauma on other people. If you are so hardy, if everyone can trust you for picking urself up, would they even bother to prevent you from falling? PLEASE ASK URSELF THOSE QUESTIONS!

Their advices stem from their concern for your well-being. If you do not appreciate it, fine, but please do make unwarranted comments like we are being over protective.
If we don't care about how u lead ur life, we won't bother.
If we Dont care about how ur life turns out, we wont bother.

This is very disappointing. Throughout our years of knowing each other, time and again you have done something lydat. But this is going to top it all. They've always told me that we have to accept our friends for who they are, accept the good and the bad. I didn't have a come-back to that. Now I do. I can't believe they have taken so much from you over the past years and this is what they get at the end of it all.


I am still not involving myself in the original quarrel. But please think through what you want to say before churning this kind of rubbish out. Don't say things u will regret later just because you are being defensive.

If you ever have the luck to chance upon this, I am not sorry for what I've said. If you had said the same rubbish to my face, this is what I would have said to you in urs.

执著=烦恼

当你对某一件事，一个人，一种感觉有执著，就会去追求。

因为要得到，所以有烦恼。
因为得不到，所以有烦恼。

在追求的过程， 需要处心积虑，需要步步为营，需要勾心斗角，而烦恼，而作出违背良心，违背意愿的事。
在得不到的时候， 生气，沮丧，一蹶不振。然后报复，怪别人，或更努力的去争取。

执著因为‘我’在为‘我’自己奋斗。因为‘我‘需要为自己打算，不可以被别人欺负。因为‘我’要成功，要出人头地。
何谓‘我’？
何谓‘出人头地'?
何谓‘成功’？

有了‘我’，所以自私，所以输不起，所以给不起。

有了‘我’，所以就有相对的‘你’，而当‘我’的习惯与‘你’的有所出入，有不同，‘我们’又执著与自己的习惯，就有烦恼，有争吵，又不愉快。

几时‘我’才会明白，没有‘我’，不要执著，不要烦恼？

Last lap of my PLC, 2 weeks to the exams, I have another 5 modules to cover.

Got to pace myself for this last bit, not going to let my previous efforts go to waste :)

I need to set my priorities straight, now, next year and in the next 5 years. Going into the working world soon, need to seriously weigh the important things in my life.


Cheers,
WR

Ever thought about having a choice about your family members? I'm sure everyone had, at one point in their lives, but how many out there would have chosen otherwise? Who would you have preferred as your family?

I love my family, my grandfather, my aunts and uncles from maternal side. Given a choice, I wouldn't have exchange any one of them for anyone else. They make my life unique, my experiences and shaped my outlook in life. These people are ever giving, supportive and everything you need when you are depressed.

No, I do not have a perfect family. I have my fair share of frustrations with them, sometimes they care too much, sometimes i just do not have time to deal with so many people at home...

But that is family for you. They are people whom you have to go through ups and downs with, they are people whom you cannot choose, you have to live with, can never separate the bond between. You have to find a way to accept them, deal with them and even tolerate them if necessary. That is family.

I'm really grateful that I have a wholesome family. My parents didn't have time for us when we were younger, but because of my materal aunts and uncles, we grew up proper and well. We were lucky. Until today, the intricacies of the family web continues to grow but one principle remains, I will do what I can for the people I love. That is the beauty of these people around me, they use actions to show their love for one another but never ask for any thing in return.

Before any one thinks that this can never happen to them, why can't their parents/relatives/brothers/sisters be like that, that individual need to understand that the basic fundamentals of that is to ask what you can give to your family first. Ask what can you do to better the relationships amongst your immediate family members, to have them in your considerations when you make your decisions. As to whether they reciprocate, it will take time.

Perhaps all these are rosy pictures that I have paint for myself. Maybe you would think that a person like me has never seen the world, never experience what a lousy family member can do to one.

Well, at the end of the day, all I can say is that it is your perspectives, your decisions, your actions that you can control. If you are constantly looking to make someone else to do what you expect him/her to, life is going to tough on you.

Sometimes life makes you experience something over and over again to make sure you learn the lesson :) If that something bad keeps occurring to you, perhaps it is time you learn to do it a different way?

WR

WEAK AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CANNOT MAKE IT. I CAN'T STAND MYSELF. USELESS BUGGER.
I NEED TO SCOLD SOME SENSE INTO MYSELF.

WTF

努力做好自己的本分， 要能够照顾自己 才能去爱别人。
不会照顾自己的人，只会成为别人的负担。
就算是心甘情愿，也不会长久。
要学着独立，才不会在一切消失后，感到无助。
因为没有人有义务在你的身边照顾你一辈子。

这些道理，好久好久以前我曾经有所领悟。。。后来又渐渐的淡忘。。。
越来越依赖，成了一种习惯， 也成了一种理所当然，让你喘不过气， 让这段感情面对不必要的压力。

是时侯长大了。
以后的事，没人说得准。
只希望一切顺其自然，不必去想太多。。 到最后，是你的就是你的。。 如果不是，也没有必要强留。

每个人都追求幸福，何谓幸福？

温

Somethings I realised I have to re-learn them so many times. It is not good enough to just learn it once and get it etched in my head. Perhaps then, the lesson was not learnt through experience.

Life isn't easy. I find myself reverting back to my old self over and over again. The needy and probably insecured person. I'm pretty sure the problem lies with me, because it is only me that I can change.

Also, the procrastinator strikes again! It is 1 month to my exams and I'm still at sea about my work. I think I've taken the procrastination up another level all together.

Family is fine, both parents are sick though, pains here and there. I hope i can do whatever that is within my means to make them happy at this age. Brought them to have sushi on monday in the name of my younger sister's birthday. Cost me quite a bit (relative to my allowance) but I could see my dad was very happy about the whole experience. He is always lamenting how we are all grown up and leaving the home, leaving the two of them. I just hope he understands that even if we are grown up and married off someday, we will still take care of him :)

Actually, Life has been good to me, still. I have food when I'm hungry, I have sufficient money to spend without having to ask from my parents, although still can't afford to give them money. Unless and until I fail my PLC which is not an option, everything else can be taken care of.

Friends. I have a few that i keep in my heart, knowing I care about them. At this stage, i guess there is little to ask without risking like you're probing. Unless they are willing to share their lives with you. I don't call people who are unable to open up to me as superficial friends, some people just can't. Until they feel the need to do it, I know I'll be there :)

Haven't been blogging for a long long long time :)

Life has been pretty good for me, nothing much to complain about. Relative to a lot of people out there, I should feel lucky :) Even though i still whine at times, I know I've got to be grateful for what I have :p

Also partly a reason that I haven't been blogging is the fact that I think I really can't be bothered about those 'big headline news' out there. I used to be really angsty and have an opinion about pretty much everything. Now I still do have my opinions, just don't feel the need to let people know it any more. Though my love ones will beg to differ on this. (they are the honoured ones who get to hear me speak :p)

Adopting a really 'live and let live' approach to the people around me. Seriously, however they want to live their lives and make decision shouldn't affect me :)

A primary school teacher with tattoos, post bikini pictures on the www and get wasted in pubs and clubs - this type of news used to get me blogging a whole lot. Although I still think about it, I stop wanting to tell pple how I feel about it on www.

Probably because I have grown out of the phase, or even the need to tell people i have an opinion. Most importantly, I no longer need to constantly write out what I think and substantiate it just so I know and remember who i am.

Although i like to revisit my blog to remind myself how angsty i used to be :)

Cheers,
WR

Why do we have people on our Msn that we can't even name who that is?

Why do we have 'friends' on facebook, that we haven't talked to in the past year?

baileys makes everything well and fine :D

我是否还是我？

Can you handle?

I haven't reflected on my life for a while now, probably because I do not have a need to write journals for grades now. Another excuse is probably the lack of time. Being in a relationship for me seems to mean that I have lesser time on my own.. It is always a rush to something else, thinking about how to organise my week according to my family, my friends and my boyfriend. Since school has started, it has also been about the next tutorial, rushing for the next deadline and what not. When they all come together, it just seems like I don't have space to breathe and time for any thing else, especially myself.

I believe in self-reflection. Because only when you reflect about your actions, your present stage in life, your choices, your beliefs - only then you will understand yourself more, thus allowing the people around you to understand you better. Only when you know what you have, will you understand what you want to achieve. Then there can be goals and room for improvement. Only then will you have a big picture in mind to work towards.

I've conveniently stopped doing that for the longest time.

I've forgotten the bliss of being alone. Having breathing space and spending time doing nothing.
My life has been occupied by endless silly endeavours online, reading blogs, surfing net, msn-ing.. counterproductive things which ought not take up my time to do my tutorials.

I used to tell people that time is always enough, depending on how you use it. The people who complain they do not have enough time, are the ones who do not use it efficiently. Now I have become one of them. The lack of discipline is actually a necessary consequence of lack of self-reflection.

Most importantly, sitting alone to reflect helps me ponder about where I want to go in life. What I want to do with my life. It gives meaning to what I wish to do. It reminds me what is important in my life and why so. Thus, giving me the motivation to do them.

《简简单单》

我们都是泡沫轻轻一碰就破

眼泪是爱的火花 昨天就像飞机穿过我的窗口

我什么都没有 我推开了双手你予取予求

直到你想自由 痛苦的时候我不会闪躲

就像树叶甘心为春风吹落

只是简简单单的爱过

我还是我 简简单单的爱过

我还是我简简单单的疯过

被梦带走 当故事结束之后

心也喜欢一个人寂寞

I don't have to be a mother to understand how a mother cares. All the while I have a great relationship with my parents, always the favourite child (as I want to think), always the smart one, the one who brings the laughter at dinner tables... I love my parents. very much.

But it is always precisely so that it hurts even more when you quarrel with them... When you cannot see eye to eye with them on something... When you think that they have misunderstood you... It is more tiring maintaining the all sensible child image than just another child in the household. It is more tiring when you feel that there are greater expectations of you.

I failed to maintain the intricate balance among the 4 important aspects in my life: Family, Friends, Relationship and Work. Even when the balance is tipped slightly, all 4 aspects experience big ripples. For that, I have plenty of excuses - BLE is difficult and demanding, need to network... But cutting all that out, all that is left, is myself to blame. I haven't been able to juggle all these well, wanting everything and not wanting to sacrificing anything. Perhaps it is time to realise that sometimes, somethings gotta give. And acquaint myself with the concept of priority...

I just made my mother a very very sad woman, very sad mother and my dad a very disappointed father. In all frankness, it really sucks. It wasn't supposed to be like that. I was supposed to tell her calmly why I was so pissed with her comments. I was supposed to be that objective and grown up girl that I have tried to be for the past year or so. I was not supposed to make her cry.

I am really sorry the anger, the angry words/exchange, for making her cry. Most of all, I'm disappointed with myself, my actions for the past few months, my justifications.

At some point, I strayed and got lost. Now I need to get a grip.

Cheers,
WR

A brand new beginning.

After a few weeks at work, I have come to realise that the dynamics of working life is much more than just work itself. The work, it seems to me, is the smallest denomination and the most straight forward aspect of working. Instead, the other things such as human relations that take up more time. Balancing between being an efficient worker and a sociable colleague can be really difficult at times.

This new beginning is daunting, less exciting than I have imagined it to be. I have to admit that I am already fearing what is to come. At one point in time, I was unsure of the future, that I even have a future to speak of. In that short period of time, I let the fear consumed me, losing all perspective and composure. The problem, no doubt was a small one, was sufficient to throw me off course. The fear that I have created for myself, was extremely out of proportion. I was a victim of my own pessimistic imagination, once again.

Also within that short period of time, I managed to recover. I am fortunate enough to have many rational and experience people by my side. People who are patient enough to listen to my minute problems and give me rational advices. I am thankful that my lack of confidence in my ability was compensated by their faith in me; that my pessimism was always met with their rationalising of my situation. No doubt I cannot always rely on them, but I know there are people who will have my back when I fall at times.

At this beginning, I am learning how to stand up on my own two feet. I am learning how to deal with seemingly impossible problems (which I create in my mind). I am learning how to balance the different forces in my life. It is just like a baby learning how to stand. I know and I believe that eventually I will get the hang of it. But before that can happen, I'm glad I have the hands to hold me, to break my fall before I hit the ground hard.

I am especially thankful, because these are people whom I can speak freely to. These are people whom I know will treat me with sincerity.

At this juncture, the beginning of another phase in my life, I have to start planning for my life ahead. Gone are the days when my life plan was in academic years; my goals were to attend lectures and number of distinctions at the end of that year. Now is the time when I decide when my next period of assessment will be; the standard of success, etc.

Where do I see myself in 5 yrs? Where do I want to see myself in 5 yrs?

A big picture approach, a birds' eye view of things to help me manage all my aspects in life. It is time I sit myself down to map it out.

To my love ones:
Please stay strong for me and with me because I need your support for my decisions. I promise to make all reasonable efforts to make rational decisions. Please continue to believe in me.

Rise to greatness and awesome-ness.

Last lap of my academic career, about a month before my exam for this semester end... Then i'll be moving on to the next phase in my life.

Looking back at the 4 years, what have I gained as a person, as a student, as a daughter, as a friend?

It is that time again to take stock of what I have done, what I haven't done, what I could have improved on and what I have done well... And I asked myself, was I conscious for the most part of it? Was i aware of what I was doing for the last 4 years? Have I chosen my path purposefully or was the path choosing me all the while?

I'm proud to say that for the later part of my 4 years, I begin to see the purpose of me being in law school. I have chosen my path purposefully for the large part of it. And I believe I'm still moving in the direction I want to.

I'm very proud to say that even though i may not be the most enlightened person, I have came a long way from what i used to be. There are definitely room for improvement, but I am glad with myself. From a person who had no confidence in her future career, i've pushed on and found the light at the end of the tunnel. I've persevered and found my niche.

That being said, I could never have done without the encouragement, putting down, etc of the people around me. The people who walked me through the difficult times, who guided me through the learning process, the people who put me down so that I can stand up stronger, the people who try to take away my success, the people who were happy for my success...

I am grateful. For I would not be who I am without each and every little contribution that they have made towards my journey, both good and bad.

From here, with the right values and perspective in life, I will continue to move on. I have entered law school, feeling broken and down because I have ceded control of my life to external factors. I will continue my journey knowing without attributing my emotions to external actions. I choose to believe that the 4 years of law school has made me wiser, more intelligent and more aware of myself. I want to believe that from this point onwards, I am better equipped when I face challenges.

Cheers!

WR

Just 6 months ago, where was I, How did i feel?
Did i know that i will be here and now and feeling this way?

Significantly different. I'm returning back to the person i used to be. Everything that I have learnt and equipped myself with, I have left them somewhere along the way.

This is my life. This is about me.

I am trying. Trying very hard to make things work.
But at the back of my mind, the thought that you are never mine to begin with is still lurking.

:D

But at the same time, I am slowing re-collecting what I have picked up along my way in life.

If i fall again this time, i'll just have to pick myself up again tml. Because no one will take care of you like yourself :D


Cheers.

WR

OneRepublic
Stop and Stare

This town is colder now
I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move
I'm shakin' off the rust
I've got my heart set
on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands just take the wheel
Every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal for the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving, but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Ohhh

Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see

They're tryin' to come back, all my senses push
Untie the weight bags I never thought I could
Steady feet don't fail me now,
I'm a run till you can't walk
But something pulls my focus out, and I'm standing down.

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone get scared
But I've become what I can't be
Whoa!!!
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone get scared
I've become what I can't be
Oh, do you see what I see?

Lines to live by:

1) Work real hard and everything else will fall into place.

2) When you do not get what you want, experience is what you get out of it.

3) There are no losers in life, just people who take a longer time to get to where they want in life.

人有悲欢离合，月有阴晴圆缺。

Life can be so unpredictable sometimes. The person who is in the pink of health right beside you now may be diagnosed with some nasty disease tomorrow. You cannot prevent it from happening, all you can do is come to terms with it. This is a fact of life and one of the sufferings in life.

As we grow older and sickness starts to plague the people around us, especially the ones we love, helplessness starts to overwhelm us. Looking around, I realised how insignificant and fragile our lives are and how fast time can zip pass us.

No one can escape the cycle of life. When it applies to our own individual life, it is easy to come to terms with. If I have to die, then so be it. The pain only really hit us when it is time for our love ones to leave us. When there is nothing we can do about it except wait for it to take place and after that, slowly transit into a life without that person.

It is easy to say "then treasure the people around you now" but how many people can actually consistently do so? And how many people can apply this principle to every single person in his/her life? What is defined as 'treasuring'? Why do people have to wait till his/her someone is on the verge of leaving before treasuring him/her? What do people eventually forget the pain?

I'm not emo and i am not referring to any one in my family in particular. Just some thoughts about how my parents are growing older by the day and how my grandfather's health has deteriorated over the years... These are inevitable and it has dawn upon me that these are things that i eventually have to come to terms with. Through this, I hope people around me also start to realise that the state of things is not permanent. Things change, for better or for worse. Always equip yourself with a positive outlook that enable you to deal with these changes :D And you will definitely live a more fulfilled life.

Cheers!

Love,
WR