Sometimes i just think that everyone wants a piece of me... Not literally. When i make someone happy, i upset someone else. The relationship is not directly causal, but the implication of me doing one thing sometimes means i'll make someone else unhappy. Someone who is important to me.
I think if it happens so much to me, i must be the problem.
Why the problem? Because my time is so limited, and i cannot make everyone happy. So i have to choose.
The question is how do i go about choosing?
How then can i balance?
I don't like to do the balancing act.
I don't like to be restricted. To be questioned. To have people breathing down my neck, asking me where did i go, what time did i come home, even if they are my parents.
It is difficult.
What you do is never enough. You can do your best, yet, they can still find a problem with u.
I know and I try and i want to be a good daughter, niece, gf, friend, etc. But i guess i am just trying to hard to please everyone. I need to learn how to let go. I need to learn to draw a line. To know when is it that i have done enough and let nature takes its course.
KW told me "remember u told me before that one person can only do so much"
I can only do so much. I felt that i can make a difference by communicating, by telling them how i feel, what i am doing. I am still going to try, but this time, i'm going to do as much as i can. I am not going to be bogged down if they cannot understand .. Because i tried.
I just have to remember that i've tried my best. If things don't work out, they don't.
WR
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Emotions,
It makes the world so complicated.
It can make partners so loving, yet so fill with jealousy at the same time.
It can make simply friendship look so sinister.
It can make something so innocent so difficult to fulfill.
I was faced with a dilemma. I used to believe that I should fight for my rights in a relationship. If I believe I had every right to meet my friends, I will do it. It is up to my partner to deal with whatever insecurities that he has.
I believed in honesty. Telling my partner whatever I come across, I feel. I want to let him know what i want to do, who i am going out with, etc.
I have been told the stupidity of such unlimited frankness, i have been warned.
But I always believe that together, a couple should be able to work together, to stay together, to trust each other, even with all the available information.
But emotions. Emotions for each other often make them irrational..
haiz
I dunno what to say.
It makes the world so complicated.
It can make partners so loving, yet so fill with jealousy at the same time.
It can make simply friendship look so sinister.
It can make something so innocent so difficult to fulfill.
I was faced with a dilemma. I used to believe that I should fight for my rights in a relationship. If I believe I had every right to meet my friends, I will do it. It is up to my partner to deal with whatever insecurities that he has.
I believed in honesty. Telling my partner whatever I come across, I feel. I want to let him know what i want to do, who i am going out with, etc.
I have been told the stupidity of such unlimited frankness, i have been warned.
But I always believe that together, a couple should be able to work together, to stay together, to trust each other, even with all the available information.
But emotions. Emotions for each other often make them irrational..
haiz
I dunno what to say.
Friday, November 23, 2007
http://mylittlenewhope2.blogspot.com/
Well, according to my fren, A true story that took place in Singapore.
To me, it is another true story happening in Singapore.
It is really sad, emotional and difficult. From the entries, she is an elequoent lady who is really pleasant looking. In fact, I'd say she is quite pretty. I cannot imagine a man, who has such a blissful and happy family, would want to throw it all away.
For love?
That he no longer loves the wife at home carrying his child? That he no longer feels like being at her beck and call because she is now pregnant and tempremental? That he no longer wishes to be in her company because she stays at home, contented with her happy family life?
That this other lady in the picture is more compatible with him? Because they are in the same field, they share the same interest, perhaps in travelling?
Yes, undoubtly, Love works in the most mysterious way. No one knows when it is going to spring on you. You can be married and you still feel the affection for someone else.
But, Marriage is more than love. More than just the feeling of affection. It is the past, present and future that the couple has built together andwill continue doing so. It is the memories that two people have accumulated. It is built up of the difficult and mandane times, while together they savour the good times...
It is not the mere affection, mere periodical matching of character. Affection will wear off, similarities in character will change eventually, they are not static..
Though like jye said, we don't know the full story, we have got to be objective.
可是很难不心疼那还没出世的小孩
她是那么的无辜
That no matter how objective you are, a woman carrying a child to full term alone without her husband is a difficult task.
The decision to have the child was made together... The decision to end the marriage was taken unilaterally...
To the Mommy,
You have to be strong for your child. What has passed cannot be change. May evil not befall on him, to let him know that you can be stronger without him. That you will do better without him. May he live with his conscience for a good long while. And you shall move on, without hatred. Because he is no longer worthy to occupy your thoughts any more.
Cheers,
WR
Well, according to my fren, A true story that took place in Singapore.
To me, it is another true story happening in Singapore.
It is really sad, emotional and difficult. From the entries, she is an elequoent lady who is really pleasant looking. In fact, I'd say she is quite pretty. I cannot imagine a man, who has such a blissful and happy family, would want to throw it all away.
For love?
That he no longer loves the wife at home carrying his child? That he no longer feels like being at her beck and call because she is now pregnant and tempremental? That he no longer wishes to be in her company because she stays at home, contented with her happy family life?
That this other lady in the picture is more compatible with him? Because they are in the same field, they share the same interest, perhaps in travelling?
Yes, undoubtly, Love works in the most mysterious way. No one knows when it is going to spring on you. You can be married and you still feel the affection for someone else.
But, Marriage is more than love. More than just the feeling of affection. It is the past, present and future that the couple has built together andwill continue doing so. It is the memories that two people have accumulated. It is built up of the difficult and mandane times, while together they savour the good times...
It is not the mere affection, mere periodical matching of character. Affection will wear off, similarities in character will change eventually, they are not static..
Though like jye said, we don't know the full story, we have got to be objective.
可是很难不心疼那还没出世的小孩
她是那么的无辜
That no matter how objective you are, a woman carrying a child to full term alone without her husband is a difficult task.
The decision to have the child was made together... The decision to end the marriage was taken unilaterally...
To the Mommy,
You have to be strong for your child. What has passed cannot be change. May evil not befall on him, to let him know that you can be stronger without him. That you will do better without him. May he live with his conscience for a good long while. And you shall move on, without hatred. Because he is no longer worthy to occupy your thoughts any more.
Cheers,
WR
Thursday, November 15, 2007
well, it has been a long long while since i posted anything here. My banking law paper is approaching, my sister's wedding is coming up, there is a new addition to my already very big extended family and most importantly, i am attached.
Coming to two months now and all I am going to say is that I am currently very happy with the way things are, happy and contented. I sincerely hope that nothing big or drastic will come my way once again, like the last time i felt so blissful, i was hit by a really huge dramatic end to my then relationship.
Perhaps as the years go by, one becomes more aware of what s/he wants because of the experiences s/he goes through. I cannot say that i have seen it all, but I guess i have seen my fair share of what it can be like out there. All i can say is that, being brought up in a simple family, I've always believe that family support is important for one to be successful. And when it comes to family, one must be contented with what s/he has, then it'll be a closely knitted and strong family.
With so many things happening in my family, good and bad, I just feel more and more fortunate to have them as my family members. It can be really difficult to be there for someone unconditionally but my family, esp my aunts and uncles, just manages to. The way they stand by each other is one which I seldom see in other families nowadays, to be available 24-7 to care for them and their spouses, to worry about their health, to take care of them emotionally and offer financial support. These might be obvious when everyone is still living together but not when everyone has already gotten married and moved out.
Of cos such love can have its down side. Over whelming love from your family can cause too much stress. But one has to constantly remind himself/herself not to take his/her family for granted, to accept the love and try his/her best to reciprocate.
I guess i've been spending too much time at home to observe all these...
Back to work.. Shall update again soon...
wr
Coming to two months now and all I am going to say is that I am currently very happy with the way things are, happy and contented. I sincerely hope that nothing big or drastic will come my way once again, like the last time i felt so blissful, i was hit by a really huge dramatic end to my then relationship.
Perhaps as the years go by, one becomes more aware of what s/he wants because of the experiences s/he goes through. I cannot say that i have seen it all, but I guess i have seen my fair share of what it can be like out there. All i can say is that, being brought up in a simple family, I've always believe that family support is important for one to be successful. And when it comes to family, one must be contented with what s/he has, then it'll be a closely knitted and strong family.
With so many things happening in my family, good and bad, I just feel more and more fortunate to have them as my family members. It can be really difficult to be there for someone unconditionally but my family, esp my aunts and uncles, just manages to. The way they stand by each other is one which I seldom see in other families nowadays, to be available 24-7 to care for them and their spouses, to worry about their health, to take care of them emotionally and offer financial support. These might be obvious when everyone is still living together but not when everyone has already gotten married and moved out.
Of cos such love can have its down side. Over whelming love from your family can cause too much stress. But one has to constantly remind himself/herself not to take his/her family for granted, to accept the love and try his/her best to reciprocate.
I guess i've been spending too much time at home to observe all these...
Back to work.. Shall update again soon...
wr
Friday, November 02, 2007
Somewhere Only We Know
I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
[break]
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
So if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
So why don't we go
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
[break]
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
So if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
So why don't we go
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
Friday, September 28, 2007
"She wanted me to tell you that had love been enough, she will be right here with you..."
- Grey's Anatomy
Had love been enough... What would you have done differently in your life?
Had love been all that matters, would you still have chosen what you had?
Had love been the be all and end all...
Unfortunately, love isn't and i guess will never be.
Right now, there are more important things for me to do. Call me a coward, I don't have enough faith to take that leap. I tried, and all my worries are starting to materialise.
"You are complicated. And 'complicated' is not what i need in my life now."
I do not want to live in the shadow of your past. It might sound like an excuse for my lack of faith. But they are all factors. I do not want to sit at home, to have to be considerate and leave you alone on 'special days' and experiencing mixed feelings because of you.
I don't want to start thinking about what will happen if all you are looking for is an emotional support throughout this time of pain, difficulty. I do not want to have to worry about you realising I'm not the one but having to stay with me just because I saw you through this.
I do not want to think so much, because thinking so much just means that you are becoming important in my life. Because this means that I will be affected, it will be out of my control.
This is not what i need now.
- Grey's Anatomy
Had love been enough... What would you have done differently in your life?
Had love been all that matters, would you still have chosen what you had?
Had love been the be all and end all...
Unfortunately, love isn't and i guess will never be.
Right now, there are more important things for me to do. Call me a coward, I don't have enough faith to take that leap. I tried, and all my worries are starting to materialise.
"You are complicated. And 'complicated' is not what i need in my life now."
I do not want to live in the shadow of your past. It might sound like an excuse for my lack of faith. But they are all factors. I do not want to sit at home, to have to be considerate and leave you alone on 'special days' and experiencing mixed feelings because of you.
I don't want to start thinking about what will happen if all you are looking for is an emotional support throughout this time of pain, difficulty. I do not want to have to worry about you realising I'm not the one but having to stay with me just because I saw you through this.
I do not want to think so much, because thinking so much just means that you are becoming important in my life. Because this means that I will be affected, it will be out of my control.
This is not what i need now.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
numbness :D
What you would term as weakness.
I cant feel my brain, i cannot feel my heart. I'm emotionless. This is the perfect state of mind that I'd love to achieve, for a very long time. This entry might not make sense to any of you out there, but i know very well what i'm saying to myself.
I had some to drink. I'm filling my ear drums with really good music. I just came home from mambo night. I ought to be sleeping now.
I have to record this before i ever forget about how i feel right now...
I feel numb.
Numbness in my skull, numbness in my heart.. Actually skull especially. I cannot feel anything. I am enjoying this high.. I hope i never have to feel anything in my heart. I hope i never have to remember anything. I wanna be filled up my the music. I want to absorb everything that i'm listening and forget about how i really feel. I wanna forget that i'm a person. I wanna stop feeling.
It is too hard. It is too difficult. I don't even care who is reading this anymore. I want to forget whatever that i see when i close my eyes.
I want to stop lying to myself.
The day that I got to know you, it is destined that i cannot lead my life like a normal twenty-two year old. I cannot.
I cannot remember how.
But i just am pushing myself to move forward.
To be different
To think differently from who i used to be
To be someone else
To grow up
So many times, i wanted to give up. I told myself i'm just a twenty-two year old. I can afford to be young. I can afford to be naive. I can afford to make mistakes. I can be me.
But i want to become you.
I want to be emotionless. I want to be objective. I want to be carefree. I don't wanna be hurt anymore. I don't want any more pain. I know i can make myself be together with someone else.
"love has its limits"
Love has its limits. Love is over-rated.
I am sorry. As much as you try to convince me. At this second, at this minute, at this hour, this me, this person just cannot relate to it. It IS over-rated.
I'm falling.
And this time, there's no one there to catch me. There is no one. Falling into this abyss. I cannot even turn to you. I tried my best to be there for everyone. I want to be perfect. I want to be everyone's pillar. but i find that i cannot even help myself at this moment.
I smiled.
I smiled at you
I smiled at her
I smiled at myself in the mirror
I looked into my eyes, i told the girl in the reflection, i am a strong girl. i will live through this. I will move on. I told them, and i told myself, i am not a least bit affected. I love myself too much to let this affect me.
I know that as much as this is difficult, there are some things that i cannot bring myself to do.
I know that once this is publish, many things will never be the same again.
I know that i am very much under the influence of alcohol.
I know that i cannot define this, and there is no need to.
I know that tomorrow morning, i'll very much regret this.
But you know what?
Do note that i'll never regret this.
Do note that i have never once, looked back and regretted what i have done, what i have told you.
So many things, so many images raced through my mind.
I just want to say that
I hate the way that i cannot hate you.
I hate the way that you can make me laugh
I hate the way that you can actually make me forget all those things that you have done/have not done.
I hate the way i cannot just turn around and walk away..
I hate the way that i can see you once i close my eyes as much as i try not to.
I hate the way I use you as motivation when i feel that i cannot move on anymore.
I hate the way you have so much effect on me..
I hate the way i'm so into you, even though you had not done anything.
I really hate you...
I simply hate the way that i'm actually feeling for you.
I hate it.
I am sorry. I am sincerely sorry to you who love me. I am not sure what will i feel when i wake up tomorrow but at this hour, my mind is filled with some one who shouldn't be there to begin with. I cannot explain. I cannot understand.
Right now. I am just Me. I want to be naive. I want to be Me. I want to be stubborn. I want to be emotional.
Leave me alone.
Regards,
Drunk Me
PS. WTF.
What you would term as weakness.
I cant feel my brain, i cannot feel my heart. I'm emotionless. This is the perfect state of mind that I'd love to achieve, for a very long time. This entry might not make sense to any of you out there, but i know very well what i'm saying to myself.
I had some to drink. I'm filling my ear drums with really good music. I just came home from mambo night. I ought to be sleeping now.
I have to record this before i ever forget about how i feel right now...
I feel numb.
Numbness in my skull, numbness in my heart.. Actually skull especially. I cannot feel anything. I am enjoying this high.. I hope i never have to feel anything in my heart. I hope i never have to remember anything. I wanna be filled up my the music. I want to absorb everything that i'm listening and forget about how i really feel. I wanna forget that i'm a person. I wanna stop feeling.
It is too hard. It is too difficult. I don't even care who is reading this anymore. I want to forget whatever that i see when i close my eyes.
I want to stop lying to myself.
The day that I got to know you, it is destined that i cannot lead my life like a normal twenty-two year old. I cannot.
I cannot remember how.
But i just am pushing myself to move forward.
To be different
To think differently from who i used to be
To be someone else
To grow up
So many times, i wanted to give up. I told myself i'm just a twenty-two year old. I can afford to be young. I can afford to be naive. I can afford to make mistakes. I can be me.
But i want to become you.
I want to be emotionless. I want to be objective. I want to be carefree. I don't wanna be hurt anymore. I don't want any more pain. I know i can make myself be together with someone else.
"love has its limits"
Love has its limits. Love is over-rated.
I am sorry. As much as you try to convince me. At this second, at this minute, at this hour, this me, this person just cannot relate to it. It IS over-rated.
I'm falling.
And this time, there's no one there to catch me. There is no one. Falling into this abyss. I cannot even turn to you. I tried my best to be there for everyone. I want to be perfect. I want to be everyone's pillar. but i find that i cannot even help myself at this moment.
I smiled.
I smiled at you
I smiled at her
I smiled at myself in the mirror
I looked into my eyes, i told the girl in the reflection, i am a strong girl. i will live through this. I will move on. I told them, and i told myself, i am not a least bit affected. I love myself too much to let this affect me.
I know that as much as this is difficult, there are some things that i cannot bring myself to do.
I know that once this is publish, many things will never be the same again.
I know that i am very much under the influence of alcohol.
I know that i cannot define this, and there is no need to.
I know that tomorrow morning, i'll very much regret this.
But you know what?
Do note that i'll never regret this.
Do note that i have never once, looked back and regretted what i have done, what i have told you.
So many things, so many images raced through my mind.
I just want to say that
I hate the way that i cannot hate you.
I hate the way that you can make me laugh
I hate the way that you can actually make me forget all those things that you have done/have not done.
I hate the way i cannot just turn around and walk away..
I hate the way that i can see you once i close my eyes as much as i try not to.
I hate the way I use you as motivation when i feel that i cannot move on anymore.
I hate the way you have so much effect on me..
I hate the way i'm so into you, even though you had not done anything.
I really hate you...
I simply hate the way that i'm actually feeling for you.
I hate it.
I am sorry. I am sincerely sorry to you who love me. I am not sure what will i feel when i wake up tomorrow but at this hour, my mind is filled with some one who shouldn't be there to begin with. I cannot explain. I cannot understand.
Right now. I am just Me. I want to be naive. I want to be Me. I want to be stubborn. I want to be emotional.
Leave me alone.
Regards,
Drunk Me
PS. WTF.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
objectivity-big picture-stay focus
Constant reflection, self-searching, seeking for the answers.
I want to stay on track... The picture is clear, I know my options. The emotions shouldn't and shall not cloud my judgment now.
I have never been clearer in my life. I wavered for a while. But upon reflection on the events that took place today, a particular event make it clearer than ever.
I will and shall stay focus. It is what that is required of me. I never should have let my resolve waver in the first place. But as shu she said, I still lack the experience. Even though the event today did not affect me, the meaning behind it and its implications i do not wish to be part of. Cause and effect, neither of which i wish to be part of.
I did not feel very strongly about the entire episode. Purely from a third party perspective, analyzing what had transcend. It is so clear from this perspective and I really can get used to being so objective about some things. To extract myself from the situation and think very rationally what has taken place, what are the implications and what role do i play in this...
At this point, I am not sure if i had really became a more rational person or I haven't completely allowed myself to get involved. I'd like to think it is the former. I really hope I will be able to deal with the other issues in my life the same way, distant and objective. Clear and purposeful. Near inhumane but yet, just trying to do the 'right' thing.
Cheers!
WR
Constant reflection, self-searching, seeking for the answers.
I want to stay on track... The picture is clear, I know my options. The emotions shouldn't and shall not cloud my judgment now.
I have never been clearer in my life. I wavered for a while. But upon reflection on the events that took place today, a particular event make it clearer than ever.
I will and shall stay focus. It is what that is required of me. I never should have let my resolve waver in the first place. But as shu she said, I still lack the experience. Even though the event today did not affect me, the meaning behind it and its implications i do not wish to be part of. Cause and effect, neither of which i wish to be part of.
I did not feel very strongly about the entire episode. Purely from a third party perspective, analyzing what had transcend. It is so clear from this perspective and I really can get used to being so objective about some things. To extract myself from the situation and think very rationally what has taken place, what are the implications and what role do i play in this...
At this point, I am not sure if i had really became a more rational person or I haven't completely allowed myself to get involved. I'd like to think it is the former. I really hope I will be able to deal with the other issues in my life the same way, distant and objective. Clear and purposeful. Near inhumane but yet, just trying to do the 'right' thing.
Cheers!
WR
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Saturday, August 18, 2007
路人甲
没事的路人，静悄悄地与你差身而过。。。
This is me, a passerby to most of the people in my life. Going in and out of their lives, for a short while. I can't explain it either... Mayb to them, i'm not the kind of friend for life. Looking back, at different period of my life, a different group of people there in my memories. There doesn't seem to be any similarities, except that I know at some point in time, they'll disappear from my life. There don't need to be any life changing events, not even a quarrel... They slowly 消声匿迹，慢慢的不见了。也没有刻意的闭门不见，就这样，失去联络。
probably it is a problem of mine, ever since i have memories, i knew friends are not forever. As much as I wish to have friends who know every dirty little secret in your life, whom my family members can recognise, who saw me through all the milestones in my life.. But i've always told myself that friends will come and go.. At the end of the day, no one has the obligation to be there for you. Or probably i'm just pre-empting myself from any hurt that might occur in the event something happens. After time, the character was formed.. I moved from group to group, at different times in my life...
Well, i guess such a situation has its pros and cons.. 虽然有时会寂寞，但知道自己够潇洒，放得下。并不是没有付出过，但常常提醒自己不是付出就有回报的。当关系太复杂时，大家渐渐把你的付出当成一种理所当然时，我就会慢慢的退后。。。 总觉得朋友们在一起，不希望有太多复杂的情绪。。人与人之间的复杂交际不应存在与朋友们之间，会很累的。。。
i guess that's why 我一向不会干涉朋友们的私事，要做什么，怎么做，我不想左右。牵涉太多，多管闲事，扰人扰己。and I condone the 'morally wrong' acts that people won't allow their friends to do... That others will usually talk their friends out of.. All i do is to say "this is your choice, you know fully well the consequences and u've gotta bear them in the event they materialised." Definitely not 'correct', not the kind of caring friend that people are looking out for..
But in life there are so many things that aren't black or white.. So many grey areas... What is 'right' is what most people think ought to be done...
My attitude, to most people i guess, is too indifferent, too cold to be considered someone to confine in.. And that's probably why i don't have many female friends.. Because they need someone to feel for them, sometimes even to whine with them.. To tell them that what they are doing is what i'd have done, to tell them that i understand.. But the truth is, I've been through it, and still going through it. Truth is i wish to tell them that U've gotta take care and take charge of your own emotional well being. Truth is you are only as damaged as you see yourself to be. Truth is you can do very well even by yourself, that no one is indispensible in your life. You simply move on.
Don't be mistaken, this isn't exactly an emo entry, not even one to complain about my current well-being. Being alone isn't a bad thing, it allows u to learn the most, to see more than ever. As your friends drift in and out of relationships, you see them come in and out of your life. As their lives take drastic changes, they walk in and out of your life. At that certain point in their lives, I have been there, i played a part or try to do my part to put them back on their feet. After that certain point, 不拖不欠, i don't expect them to be there for me... Or at least i try not to :D
到最后，谁不希望有一群和你走过大半辈子的好朋友？但又有几个人如此幸运？一切随缘，一切知足。
没事的路人，静悄悄地与你差身而过。。。
This is me, a passerby to most of the people in my life. Going in and out of their lives, for a short while. I can't explain it either... Mayb to them, i'm not the kind of friend for life. Looking back, at different period of my life, a different group of people there in my memories. There doesn't seem to be any similarities, except that I know at some point in time, they'll disappear from my life. There don't need to be any life changing events, not even a quarrel... They slowly 消声匿迹，慢慢的不见了。也没有刻意的闭门不见，就这样，失去联络。
probably it is a problem of mine, ever since i have memories, i knew friends are not forever. As much as I wish to have friends who know every dirty little secret in your life, whom my family members can recognise, who saw me through all the milestones in my life.. But i've always told myself that friends will come and go.. At the end of the day, no one has the obligation to be there for you. Or probably i'm just pre-empting myself from any hurt that might occur in the event something happens. After time, the character was formed.. I moved from group to group, at different times in my life...
Well, i guess such a situation has its pros and cons.. 虽然有时会寂寞，但知道自己够潇洒，放得下。并不是没有付出过，但常常提醒自己不是付出就有回报的。当关系太复杂时，大家渐渐把你的付出当成一种理所当然时，我就会慢慢的退后。。。 总觉得朋友们在一起，不希望有太多复杂的情绪。。人与人之间的复杂交际不应存在与朋友们之间，会很累的。。。
i guess that's why 我一向不会干涉朋友们的私事，要做什么，怎么做，我不想左右。牵涉太多，多管闲事，扰人扰己。and I condone the 'morally wrong' acts that people won't allow their friends to do... That others will usually talk their friends out of.. All i do is to say "this is your choice, you know fully well the consequences and u've gotta bear them in the event they materialised." Definitely not 'correct', not the kind of caring friend that people are looking out for..
But in life there are so many things that aren't black or white.. So many grey areas... What is 'right' is what most people think ought to be done...
My attitude, to most people i guess, is too indifferent, too cold to be considered someone to confine in.. And that's probably why i don't have many female friends.. Because they need someone to feel for them, sometimes even to whine with them.. To tell them that what they are doing is what i'd have done, to tell them that i understand.. But the truth is, I've been through it, and still going through it. Truth is i wish to tell them that U've gotta take care and take charge of your own emotional well being. Truth is you are only as damaged as you see yourself to be. Truth is you can do very well even by yourself, that no one is indispensible in your life. You simply move on.
Don't be mistaken, this isn't exactly an emo entry, not even one to complain about my current well-being. Being alone isn't a bad thing, it allows u to learn the most, to see more than ever. As your friends drift in and out of relationships, you see them come in and out of your life. As their lives take drastic changes, they walk in and out of your life. At that certain point in their lives, I have been there, i played a part or try to do my part to put them back on their feet. After that certain point, 不拖不欠, i don't expect them to be there for me... Or at least i try not to :D
到最后，谁不希望有一群和你走过大半辈子的好朋友？但又有几个人如此幸运？一切随缘，一切知足。
Thursday, August 16, 2007
这首歌真的好冷门。。。or perhaps i'm not tech-savvy enough. All i managed was a web playing version of it. Sigh... And i uploaded it both on my face book and blog. No idea why it catches my attention so much, probably because it is very soothing and .. touching?
Saw the movie 881 on Tuesday... No expectations at all for this local production. Was very curious because it explored a side of the singaporean scene that I am not exposed to... I was there purely for entertainment. True enough, the show opened with a lot of crappy graphics, budget tech stuff and a hilarious and incredible story line... But it was in its kind of way, very funny. As stupid as the beginning scenes prove themselves to be, i could relate very well to the movie, partly because most of the conversations were in Hokkien and partly because those are scenes so close to home.
The story was a little out the the world, a little immature. But I believe that amidst the seemingly silly plot, was a story of friendship, kinship and love. Using a very silly plot to actually bring out the different aspects of love, the contrast was amazing, the effect was incredible. The outcome was touching. It isn't an out and out art film, out to explore the affections and relationships between people. It is a very simple film, about very simple people, who really love and care for each other. Who really fought for the people they cared for. It is simple, in order to bring out the complexity of relationship.
看完后，我只有感动。
戏中最让我感动的，并不是男女之间的爱情， 而是亲情，母女之间的亲情。。。 我永远会记得那一幕，小木瓜躺在病床上问玲姨为什么她总是面带笑容的。玲姨说“应为你是月亮，大木瓜是星星，我是太阳。我这个太阳要够亮，才能借光给你和大木瓜。。。”
Might not mean anything to anyone out there... But this, to me, is the most touching scene through out the whole movie. No special effects, just a very simple scene between a guardian and ward... The very simple words that were exchanged, brings out more emotions that i have expected..
Saw the movie 881 on Tuesday... No expectations at all for this local production. Was very curious because it explored a side of the singaporean scene that I am not exposed to... I was there purely for entertainment. True enough, the show opened with a lot of crappy graphics, budget tech stuff and a hilarious and incredible story line... But it was in its kind of way, very funny. As stupid as the beginning scenes prove themselves to be, i could relate very well to the movie, partly because most of the conversations were in Hokkien and partly because those are scenes so close to home.
The story was a little out the the world, a little immature. But I believe that amidst the seemingly silly plot, was a story of friendship, kinship and love. Using a very silly plot to actually bring out the different aspects of love, the contrast was amazing, the effect was incredible. The outcome was touching. It isn't an out and out art film, out to explore the affections and relationships between people. It is a very simple film, about very simple people, who really love and care for each other. Who really fought for the people they cared for. It is simple, in order to bring out the complexity of relationship.
看完后，我只有感动。
戏中最让我感动的，并不是男女之间的爱情， 而是亲情，母女之间的亲情。。。 我永远会记得那一幕，小木瓜躺在病床上问玲姨为什么她总是面带笑容的。玲姨说“应为你是月亮，大木瓜是星星，我是太阳。我这个太阳要够亮，才能借光给你和大木瓜。。。”
Might not mean anything to anyone out there... But this, to me, is the most touching scene through out the whole movie. No special effects, just a very simple scene between a guardian and ward... The very simple words that were exchanged, brings out more emotions that i have expected..
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
人有悲欢离合，月有阴晴圆缺。。。
another break up has taken place.. Another broken heart. details of which i have yet to be informed, but probably due to circumstances. 有缘无份 heart breaking but better den dragging in on and find that out later in time. When you make the choice to end it, den u just have to work harder to get over. Even if the choice wasn't yours, u've got to accept it and move on. There isn't a second way out. There isn't a less painful way..
At the end of it, u still have a choice, to continue to brood over it or try ur best to get over it. No doubts that you'll feel sad, but you don't have to wallow in it, to drive yourself to a corner and keep asking yourself 'What if..'
没有如果，有的只有眼前的事实 I've learned long ago that ifs and what ifs are scenarios that will never come true, so no point asking yourself those questions. Many things there are no answers to them. Why did you meet this person out of the millions and billions of people out there? Why are you born to this family and not another? You can drive yourself crazy with questions with a million hypothetical scenarios, if i tried harder, if she didn't do this, if i didn't do that, if he wasn't this, if i weren't that... But that'll only make you feel worse, won't it?
In an ideal world, an ideal situation, You can have anyone of any characteristic, features, etc you want. Even if what you ask for is simple and realistic, even if it was someone living and breathing in front of you, if it doesn't happen it doesn't happen. Simple as that.
another break up has taken place.. Another broken heart. details of which i have yet to be informed, but probably due to circumstances. 有缘无份 heart breaking but better den dragging in on and find that out later in time. When you make the choice to end it, den u just have to work harder to get over. Even if the choice wasn't yours, u've got to accept it and move on. There isn't a second way out. There isn't a less painful way..
At the end of it, u still have a choice, to continue to brood over it or try ur best to get over it. No doubts that you'll feel sad, but you don't have to wallow in it, to drive yourself to a corner and keep asking yourself 'What if..'
没有如果，有的只有眼前的事实 I've learned long ago that ifs and what ifs are scenarios that will never come true, so no point asking yourself those questions. Many things there are no answers to them. Why did you meet this person out of the millions and billions of people out there? Why are you born to this family and not another? You can drive yourself crazy with questions with a million hypothetical scenarios, if i tried harder, if she didn't do this, if i didn't do that, if he wasn't this, if i weren't that... But that'll only make you feel worse, won't it?
In an ideal world, an ideal situation, You can have anyone of any characteristic, features, etc you want. Even if what you ask for is simple and realistic, even if it was someone living and breathing in front of you, if it doesn't happen it doesn't happen. Simple as that.
Monday, August 06, 2007
ge wei guan zhong, i just got back from BKK, Thailand safely. For those who didn't know, i was out of town since thursday morning :D
Many thoughts aft the trip, yet to have the time to pen them down.. Sort of incurred the wrath of my dad by going on this trip, so i've gotta stay home and be a good girl for a while...
lazy to write what happened during the trip here.. Not today at least.. Going off to bed soon!!!
:D cheers
WR
Many thoughts aft the trip, yet to have the time to pen them down.. Sort of incurred the wrath of my dad by going on this trip, so i've gotta stay home and be a good girl for a while...
lazy to write what happened during the trip here.. Not today at least.. Going off to bed soon!!!
:D cheers
WR
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
张震岳 - 思念是一种病
“他们说这就是人生
试著体会试著忍住眼泪
还是躲不开应该有的情绪
我不会奢求世界停止转动
我知道逃避一点都没有用
只是这段时间里尤其在夜里
还是会想起难忘的事情
我想我的思念是一种病
久久不能痊愈
当你在穿山越岭的另一边
我在孤独的路上没有尽头
时常感觉你在耳后的呼吸
却未曾感觉你在心口的鼻息
。。。
也许是上帝给我一个试炼
只是这伤口需要花点时间
只是会想念过去的一切
那些人事物会离我远去
而我们终究也会远离
变成回忆”
"I might have mentioned once too many that i've turn cold blooded since meeting you. What i have never talked about, is probably this:
I realised that perhaps i feel more than ever, that i care for people more than ever. I realised that i am beginning to put myself in others' shoes and try to act in their best interests, be it my family, my friends. Every decision that i had to make, through weighing the pros and cons, and even taking into consideration how will they objectively be affected. All these, i've learned from you. Rational as you may seem, "cold blooded" as you might pretend to be, 其实最关心人的就是你，因为你明白过于关心，是会令人窒息的。。。”
“而我们终究也会远离，变成回忆。。。”
This line kept ringing after our conversation yesterday. 单单想象就已经觉得好难过。。Only then that I realised that one day you wont be there for me anymore. 难过，不舍好似最自然不过的反应。接踵而来的，就是不知所措，一直问“为什么？”。然后，像在证明你这几个月的教导没有白费，理智告诉我：没有为什么，没有人会一辈子在你的身边。你能够做的，就只有欣然地接受，记住一切的一切，然后继续往前走。
我没有那么潇洒。。。 even though you didn't say now or when... I guess the reality of things suddenly hit me. Some thing that i have always been telling myself to pre-empt many unnecessary heart aches, some thing that i had so deeply embedded in my mind, some thing that i have realised since years ago - that no one will be there forever... I was caught off guard this time... I was starting to get too comfortable, taking things for granted..
The lessons learned, kept playing in my mind. Going through them again and again. Telling myself that perhaps this is the last stage of my 'training', that once all these is through, i'd probably be 'indestructible'... I guess that's the only thing i can seek solace in. That i shall not experience this ever again, that i shall keep my head always :D
今天我做到了。。。 在难过的当儿，我好努力的做好我需要做的事. 在别人面前，我还是我。
“岂能尽如人意，但求无愧无心。”
离别不是我选择的，但我会记住我所说过的。。。
我会乖乖的。 我已经长大了。。。
温
“他们说这就是人生
试著体会试著忍住眼泪
还是躲不开应该有的情绪
我不会奢求世界停止转动
我知道逃避一点都没有用
只是这段时间里尤其在夜里
还是会想起难忘的事情
我想我的思念是一种病
久久不能痊愈
当你在穿山越岭的另一边
我在孤独的路上没有尽头
时常感觉你在耳后的呼吸
却未曾感觉你在心口的鼻息
。。。
也许是上帝给我一个试炼
只是这伤口需要花点时间
只是会想念过去的一切
那些人事物会离我远去
而我们终究也会远离
变成回忆”
"I might have mentioned once too many that i've turn cold blooded since meeting you. What i have never talked about, is probably this:
I realised that perhaps i feel more than ever, that i care for people more than ever. I realised that i am beginning to put myself in others' shoes and try to act in their best interests, be it my family, my friends. Every decision that i had to make, through weighing the pros and cons, and even taking into consideration how will they objectively be affected. All these, i've learned from you. Rational as you may seem, "cold blooded" as you might pretend to be, 其实最关心人的就是你，因为你明白过于关心，是会令人窒息的。。。”
“而我们终究也会远离，变成回忆。。。”
This line kept ringing after our conversation yesterday. 单单想象就已经觉得好难过。。Only then that I realised that one day you wont be there for me anymore. 难过，不舍好似最自然不过的反应。接踵而来的，就是不知所措，一直问“为什么？”。然后，像在证明你这几个月的教导没有白费，理智告诉我：没有为什么，没有人会一辈子在你的身边。你能够做的，就只有欣然地接受，记住一切的一切，然后继续往前走。
我没有那么潇洒。。。 even though you didn't say now or when... I guess the reality of things suddenly hit me. Some thing that i have always been telling myself to pre-empt many unnecessary heart aches, some thing that i had so deeply embedded in my mind, some thing that i have realised since years ago - that no one will be there forever... I was caught off guard this time... I was starting to get too comfortable, taking things for granted..
The lessons learned, kept playing in my mind. Going through them again and again. Telling myself that perhaps this is the last stage of my 'training', that once all these is through, i'd probably be 'indestructible'... I guess that's the only thing i can seek solace in. That i shall not experience this ever again, that i shall keep my head always :D
今天我做到了。。。 在难过的当儿，我好努力的做好我需要做的事. 在别人面前，我还是我。
“岂能尽如人意，但求无愧无心。”
离别不是我选择的，但我会记住我所说过的。。。
我会乖乖的。 我已经长大了。。。
温
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Haven been doing much since i stopped interning, didn't even go clubbing at all. I guess it is partly due to the lack of company, well, largely due to... :D But I'm pretty sure i'm not missing out much. How different can it be? If i'm really desperate enough to go alone den all the more i shouldn't make the trip. Because at the end of the day, i'll just be wasting money and feeling even worse :D That much i know :D So i guess until my OLD frens decide to make a trip down, i shall stay off clubbing for a while ..
Experience the life of a semi-retiree for the past week. Wake up late, well fed at home, do my exercises, take medication, meet up with frens for coffee and supper. But the value of such a life style can only be fully appreciated if you have had to work really hard preceding it. then again, isn't this how life is? You need to taste the bitter, to fully appreciate the sweet.. To remember that nothing is to be taken for granted, nothing is a given...
I'll be leaving for bangkok on the 2nd Aug, will be back on 5th Aug, hopefully :D
Nothing much to be updating about since i haven been doing much. Or rather i'm not sure what is worth updating about :D
One of my secondary sch frens just came back from her exchange to UK and we were supposed to meet up for lunch with the rest. In fact, we all are supposed to have a stay-over tonight. Mahjong, pedicure, pancakes.. Sounds enticing :D i should be there.. But lately, i haven been able to bring myself to attend all these gatherings for reasons that i cannot really point a finger at. Somehow or rather, I just feel that they come from a different world. And i don't know how to communicate with them. I guess we were never really that close to begin with. We claimed to have known each other for almost 8 years now, yet personally, I hardly know each of them...
After having thought about what does relationship means to me, I'm starting to wonder what does friendship mean to me? Looking back, so many friends have stepped into and out of my life, people from different walks of life, different ages... Some acquaintances, some have walked me through difficult times.. Some whom i've left behind...
Who can i consider as my frens?
Whom do i wish to have and keep as friends?
To what extend do I go for friends?
Are these question purely answerable thru instincts?
Experience the life of a semi-retiree for the past week. Wake up late, well fed at home, do my exercises, take medication, meet up with frens for coffee and supper. But the value of such a life style can only be fully appreciated if you have had to work really hard preceding it. then again, isn't this how life is? You need to taste the bitter, to fully appreciate the sweet.. To remember that nothing is to be taken for granted, nothing is a given...
I'll be leaving for bangkok on the 2nd Aug, will be back on 5th Aug, hopefully :D
Nothing much to be updating about since i haven been doing much. Or rather i'm not sure what is worth updating about :D
One of my secondary sch frens just came back from her exchange to UK and we were supposed to meet up for lunch with the rest. In fact, we all are supposed to have a stay-over tonight. Mahjong, pedicure, pancakes.. Sounds enticing :D i should be there.. But lately, i haven been able to bring myself to attend all these gatherings for reasons that i cannot really point a finger at. Somehow or rather, I just feel that they come from a different world. And i don't know how to communicate with them. I guess we were never really that close to begin with. We claimed to have known each other for almost 8 years now, yet personally, I hardly know each of them...
After having thought about what does relationship means to me, I'm starting to wonder what does friendship mean to me? Looking back, so many friends have stepped into and out of my life, people from different walks of life, different ages... Some acquaintances, some have walked me through difficult times.. Some whom i've left behind...
Who can i consider as my frens?
Whom do i wish to have and keep as friends?
To what extend do I go for friends?
Are these question purely answerable thru instincts?
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Had to spend my weekend at home cos i took out two teeth on friday.. Since there was some very minor surgery involved, needed to stay in to recuperate. But it wasn't a big deal, not like i lost a lot of blood, felt giddy etc. All I experience was pain on the first night only. Anyhow had to stay home just to be sure :D
It also gave me a chance to finish the latest Harry Potter - the deathly Hallows, which was sent to my house by Singpost on Saturday morning at 750 exactly. How very efficient, even gave me a wake up call :D So everything was pretty, I rested at home with Harry accompanying me..
Only until now am i getting a little restless.. Thinking of going out but really, no where i want to go :p I have been surfing the net throughout the morning till now. Just finished watching 200 Pounds beauty on crunchyroll.com
Din't expect much from it at first, was just doing random clicking at first. Since i was so bored, i tot watching some comedy might help. At the end of the show i found myself tearing with the actress.
At the end of the day, the show is as much as u wanna see it.
In the midst of the show, these two phrases came into my mind:
骑在白马上的不一定是王子
世界上最可笑的话就是：“我做的这一切都是为了你”。
cant imagine I'll think so much after this show.. hahaha
Cheers!
WR
It also gave me a chance to finish the latest Harry Potter - the deathly Hallows, which was sent to my house by Singpost on Saturday morning at 750 exactly. How very efficient, even gave me a wake up call :D So everything was pretty, I rested at home with Harry accompanying me..
Only until now am i getting a little restless.. Thinking of going out but really, no where i want to go :p I have been surfing the net throughout the morning till now. Just finished watching 200 Pounds beauty on crunchyroll.com
Din't expect much from it at first, was just doing random clicking at first. Since i was so bored, i tot watching some comedy might help. At the end of the show i found myself tearing with the actress.
At the end of the day, the show is as much as u wanna see it.
In the midst of the show, these two phrases came into my mind:
骑在白马上的不一定是王子
世界上最可笑的话就是：“我做的这一切都是为了你”。
cant imagine I'll think so much after this show.. hahaha
Cheers!
WR
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Exactly a month and a day after my last post ;) Busy busy i have been, with my internship and friends.
Finally have the time to sit comfortably at home and update my blog and my frens who have been following this blog because my internship just ended yesterday, 13 July 2007. My 2 and a half months' of hell was finally over at 630pm yesterday.
Difficult as it has been, I guess i shall not publish the details here. Who knows when any one of them in the office might come across my blog and I'd probably be in hot soup for writing certain things. Freedom of speech on the internet still comes at a price, responsibility needs to be exercised.
Anyhow, on the brighter side, I'm very very glad that i did not decide to give up during the first 2 weeks, when I thought i couldn't handle the stress and working life. When it was so tempting to tell myself that there was no need to put myself through that pain, to subject myself to the stress because at the end of the day, i didn't plan to work there. It was so attractive, the idea to quit my internship and tell myself that i'll be able to find a better job elsewhere, or live comfortably with the allowance my parents were providing me with. But boy am i glad that i persevered, thanks to the advices from my family and my brothers.. Thanks to their listening to my bitching did i survive the ordeal. Greatest thanks still goes to my mentor, shu shu, who always can understand my frustration without me saying much. Shu shu, xie la.
The internship made me realised many things about myself on top of learning about the work/life of a lawyer. Made me realised so much about working life, about facing your boss, about making choices between your life and your work, about time management, about juggling work, friends and family. Most importantly, it has taught me that at the most difficult times, even when you feel like giving up, your sense of responsibility will make u go on, there will be a voice telling you that giving up is not the solution to the problems. By taking the easier route out of the situation, I'll merely be running away and will never grow up/ mature/ lvl up if i choose to do that. As tired or painful as it maybe, I have to go through with it, to work hard and stay positive in order to complete the task at hand. Because by saying i don't know how to do, the task will not go away, it will be there until you find a solution or solutions to it. So it is all about looking for the best solution to the issue, when one way is blocked youve got to find another way. That is how different work and studying are. There isn't a correct answer, you have got to find as many ways to solve the issue as possible and then choose the best solution. It is your decision how to pursue the case at the end of the day and sell it to your client and the judge.
Super tired after the 10 weeks, now it is my turn to rest and relax. To sleep as much as i can, to jog and swim.. and nua before school reopens. Another year is starting soon, almost in the next phrase of my life.. I can already feel the change in perspective.
I need to believe in myself, just like how they believed in me. I will reach my potential, my dreams and goals. time to set the targets for my next academic year.
cheers!
wr
Finally have the time to sit comfortably at home and update my blog and my frens who have been following this blog because my internship just ended yesterday, 13 July 2007. My 2 and a half months' of hell was finally over at 630pm yesterday.
Difficult as it has been, I guess i shall not publish the details here. Who knows when any one of them in the office might come across my blog and I'd probably be in hot soup for writing certain things. Freedom of speech on the internet still comes at a price, responsibility needs to be exercised.
Anyhow, on the brighter side, I'm very very glad that i did not decide to give up during the first 2 weeks, when I thought i couldn't handle the stress and working life. When it was so tempting to tell myself that there was no need to put myself through that pain, to subject myself to the stress because at the end of the day, i didn't plan to work there. It was so attractive, the idea to quit my internship and tell myself that i'll be able to find a better job elsewhere, or live comfortably with the allowance my parents were providing me with. But boy am i glad that i persevered, thanks to the advices from my family and my brothers.. Thanks to their listening to my bitching did i survive the ordeal. Greatest thanks still goes to my mentor, shu shu, who always can understand my frustration without me saying much. Shu shu, xie la.
The internship made me realised many things about myself on top of learning about the work/life of a lawyer. Made me realised so much about working life, about facing your boss, about making choices between your life and your work, about time management, about juggling work, friends and family. Most importantly, it has taught me that at the most difficult times, even when you feel like giving up, your sense of responsibility will make u go on, there will be a voice telling you that giving up is not the solution to the problems. By taking the easier route out of the situation, I'll merely be running away and will never grow up/ mature/ lvl up if i choose to do that. As tired or painful as it maybe, I have to go through with it, to work hard and stay positive in order to complete the task at hand. Because by saying i don't know how to do, the task will not go away, it will be there until you find a solution or solutions to it. So it is all about looking for the best solution to the issue, when one way is blocked youve got to find another way. That is how different work and studying are. There isn't a correct answer, you have got to find as many ways to solve the issue as possible and then choose the best solution. It is your decision how to pursue the case at the end of the day and sell it to your client and the judge.
Super tired after the 10 weeks, now it is my turn to rest and relax. To sleep as much as i can, to jog and swim.. and nua before school reopens. Another year is starting soon, almost in the next phrase of my life.. I can already feel the change in perspective.
I need to believe in myself, just like how they believed in me. I will reach my potential, my dreams and goals. time to set the targets for my next academic year.
cheers!
wr
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Real Girl Mutya Buena lyrics
If I had one chance toIn my life again
I wouldn't make no changes
Now or way back when (yeah)
And if everything turns out
The way I hope it goes
But I cant wait to find out
What it is that God knows
But I don't wanna think about
What's gonna come around for me
I'll just take it day by day
'Cause it's the only way
To be the best that I can be
I never pretend to be something I'm not
You get what you see, when you see what I've got
We live in the real world, I'm just a real girl
I know exactly where I stand
And all I can do is be true to myself
I don't need permission from nobody else
'Cause this is the real world, I'm not a little girl
I know exactly who I am
And nothing's ever perfect
There's no guarantee
And if I knew the answers
It would put my mind at ease (no)
So I'll just keep on going
The way I've gone so far
And maybe I'll end up
Tryin' to catch a fallin star (yeah)
But I don't wanna think about
What's gonna come around for me
I'll just take it day by day
'Cause it's the only way
To be the best that I can be
I never pretend to be something I'm not
You get what you see, when you see what I've got
We live in the real world, I'm just a real girl
I know exactly where I stand
And all I can do is be true to myself
I don't need permission from nobody else
'Cause this is the real world, I'm not a little girl
I know exactly who I am
Baby this is who I am
Don't need you to understand
'Cause everything is right where it should be
It wont be long til you know about me,
'Cause I don't give a...
Even when I'm out of love
'Cause everythings just how it should be
And it wont be long till you know about me
I never pretend to be something I'm not
You get what you see, when you see what I've got
We live in the real world, I'm just a real girl
I know exactly where I stand
And all I can do is be true to myself
I don't need permission from nobody else
'Cause this is the real world, I'm not a little girl
I know exactly who I am
I never pretend to be something I'm not
You get what you see, when you see what I've got
We live in the real world, I'm just a real girl
I know exactly where I stand
And all I can do is be true to myself
I don't need permission from nobody else
'Cause this is the real world, I'm not a little girl
I know exactly who I am
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
another year has gone by.. What have i achieved over the last year?
I guess it has been a good year for me. Considering the things that i have went through, the people that i've met.. This has probably been the most i've gotten out of my 22 years of life.. I remember more happy times than sad. It definitely hasn't been easy, but it is the ability to learn how to deal with the difficulties... I recall more time being spent with myself, searching for me.. Knowing more about myself than others... Knowing what i want to do, what i wish to achieve and eventually getting my goals..
On the special day, i pondered over some decisions i've made in my life.. and looking at the consequences of which currently unfolding before my eyes.. I realised I am more able to live with my decisions because they are deliberated. instead of me being push off the edge of the cliff..
Another year has gone by. Next year this time, it'll mark another phrase in my life..
You will only realise the value of something once you lose it..
wr
I guess it has been a good year for me. Considering the things that i have went through, the people that i've met.. This has probably been the most i've gotten out of my 22 years of life.. I remember more happy times than sad. It definitely hasn't been easy, but it is the ability to learn how to deal with the difficulties... I recall more time being spent with myself, searching for me.. Knowing more about myself than others... Knowing what i want to do, what i wish to achieve and eventually getting my goals..
On the special day, i pondered over some decisions i've made in my life.. and looking at the consequences of which currently unfolding before my eyes.. I realised I am more able to live with my decisions because they are deliberated. instead of me being push off the edge of the cliff..
Another year has gone by. Next year this time, it'll mark another phrase in my life..
You will only realise the value of something once you lose it..
wr
Saturday, May 26, 2007
=)
I've gotten my results for this semester.. Pretty satisfied with them..
Pardon me for my very.. irregular entries.. Really tired after work ...
Wouldn't want to update you guys on the .. hellhole :D
LIFE GOES ON!!!
It was a really eventful week... Need to jot it down in my diary..
Sigh sorry, no time and energy to write chim entries here for the time being..
Apologise for the brainlessness :D
Cheers!
WR
I've gotten my results for this semester.. Pretty satisfied with them..
Pardon me for my very.. irregular entries.. Really tired after work ...
Wouldn't want to update you guys on the .. hellhole :D
LIFE GOES ON!!!
It was a really eventful week... Need to jot it down in my diary..
Sigh sorry, no time and energy to write chim entries here for the time being..
Apologise for the brainlessness :D
Cheers!
WR
Monday, May 07, 2007
First day of internship at M & A Law Corporation
I drafted a client letter from 10 am to 4 pm. Memories of legal writing came flashing back. But none of them helped. Guessed I'm considered lucky to have real things to do at such a small law firm and my boss was really patient with me. He took the time to explain why i had to include certain things and what some acronyms meant. Things that they don't teach in sch! But this is the whole point of going for an internship, isn't it? I just hope that today's luck will continue for the rest of my internship :D
Well, other that that i don't have much to report, unless i go into the nitty gritty of how i tried to mix around, get oriented in Suntec, MSN till 615pm..
I'm already planning my jogging schedule in the morning.. I realised i can never make it back in time to jog in the evening by myself.
And the whole time i was at work, all the filled my mind were bimbotic thoughts about shopping for shoes, clothes, etc.. Argh. welcome to working woman's world.
Therefore, pretty obviously i don't have much to say here intellectually.
Moreover, after a day of tinkering about how to say ONE thing in 10 different ways, now i just want to buy a book to read :D
Maybe two.. Time to drop by Borders/Kino!!!!
hahaha shall do a book review here one of these days..
Going to sleep now.
Cheers!!!
I drafted a client letter from 10 am to 4 pm. Memories of legal writing came flashing back. But none of them helped. Guessed I'm considered lucky to have real things to do at such a small law firm and my boss was really patient with me. He took the time to explain why i had to include certain things and what some acronyms meant. Things that they don't teach in sch! But this is the whole point of going for an internship, isn't it? I just hope that today's luck will continue for the rest of my internship :D
Well, other that that i don't have much to report, unless i go into the nitty gritty of how i tried to mix around, get oriented in Suntec, MSN till 615pm..
I'm already planning my jogging schedule in the morning.. I realised i can never make it back in time to jog in the evening by myself.
And the whole time i was at work, all the filled my mind were bimbotic thoughts about shopping for shoes, clothes, etc.. Argh. welcome to working woman's world.
Therefore, pretty obviously i don't have much to say here intellectually.
Moreover, after a day of tinkering about how to say ONE thing in 10 different ways, now i just want to buy a book to read :D
Maybe two.. Time to drop by Borders/Kino!!!!
hahaha shall do a book review here one of these days..
Going to sleep now.
Cheers!!!
Thursday, May 03, 2007
as usual, once the holidays are here, i go MIA in my blog as well.
Haven been online for a good long while.. Running around like a mad woman..
Nothing much has been happening for me... CEPT FOR TODAY!!!!!
I BOUGHT THIS SEASON"S LIVERPOOL JERSEY TODAY!!!!!!!!!!
whahaha i shall post a picture of it on my blog later :D
HAHAHA u all shld see the stupid grin on my face when i got it.
Boy's cut, medium. Refused to get the ladies cut! Ugly...
wahhahaha sweet dreams tonight!
Very very random post... Not much thoughts lately, just trying to enjoy my one week of holidays before my internship starts. I guess once it starts i'll have more time to blog about it at night :D
Anyhow, gonna be a busy weekend since there'll be big event in my family.. my uncle's wedding over the weekend.. So most prob i'll only be able to blog next week :D
Cheers!!
WR
Haven been online for a good long while.. Running around like a mad woman..
Nothing much has been happening for me... CEPT FOR TODAY!!!!!
I BOUGHT THIS SEASON"S LIVERPOOL JERSEY TODAY!!!!!!!!!!
whahaha i shall post a picture of it on my blog later :D
HAHAHA u all shld see the stupid grin on my face when i got it.
Boy's cut, medium. Refused to get the ladies cut! Ugly...
wahhahaha sweet dreams tonight!
Very very random post... Not much thoughts lately, just trying to enjoy my one week of holidays before my internship starts. I guess once it starts i'll have more time to blog about it at night :D
Anyhow, gonna be a busy weekend since there'll be big event in my family.. my uncle's wedding over the weekend.. So most prob i'll only be able to blog next week :D
Cheers!!
WR
Friday, April 27, 2007
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
First paper ended yesterday: 23rd April
Prepping for my 2nd and last paper: 26th April.
For those whom i've told i'll only end on 2nd May, sorry, i was wrongly informed.. But I'll be done way sooner and in more than one ways :D
After that is partAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PArtY till my internship...
Pls, feel free to call me out!!! BUAhahahahzz
AHhhhhh Cant wait for thurs to come...
TIll THen.
Cheers!
WR
Prepping for my 2nd and last paper: 26th April.
For those whom i've told i'll only end on 2nd May, sorry, i was wrongly informed.. But I'll be done way sooner and in more than one ways :D
After that is partAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PArtY till my internship...
Pls, feel free to call me out!!! BUAhahahahzz
AHhhhhh Cant wait for thurs to come...
TIll THen.
Cheers!
WR
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
回首这十个月所经历的，所看到的，所学到的
没想到到了今天，我发现自己只不过兜了一个大圈。
看到这十个月里的我，是自私的，是任性的， 是自欺欺人的。
all along i tot i had seen it all, seen it through. At the end of the day, the path that i strayed only made me look more childish, more lost than ever, than anyone.
多可笑？
sometimes, all it takes is a line to wake u up...
"爱情的幸福是一个过程，而不是结果。 因为爱情的最终结局都是结束"
This is de very question that i asked. The very question that set me out on the less trodden path to seek the answer. All along i knew love has to end.. and i told myself, if it was going to end anyhow, as long as i am happy, that's all that matter isn't it?
And it turned out it matters. And it matters very much. It is the process that matters, and the process cannot be enjoyable if your happiness is build on someone else's pain, whoever it is. U cant be truly happy, if there is a little bit of conscience left in you. And if there isn't any conscience left, you don't deserve to love.
Many things, so many things just reflect on how selfish, how childish, how spoiled I am.
What was i trying to prove? Really?
Read a lot today. Thought about a lot today. Really tried to push myself as far as i can go today...
I've learned that,
You learn the most when u are in pain, be it physical or emotional. You put yourself through the toil, You see yourself through it... And through that, you learn about yourself, you discover what is within. When you are in pain, you are exposed to the truest nature of yourself. These are the lessons which u will take with you for life...
If all you can think of, is your own suffering, is how other people cannot compare, cannot understand you, den you probably won't go very far in life... Because you'll never learn to handle stress, problems. You'll never realise the value of going through difficult times.
The difficult time will end, though it wont be in your control, but remember, you are in control of what you learn, what you derive out of that rough patch.
And those who try to stop their friends from falling down, they probably haven realise the value of falling down yet...
I've learned that,
a true measure of a man's discipline only shows in the most extreme conditions. If you are already attached and are able to reject someone u usually won't go out with, there is nothing to boast about. It is when you can do the same even if that person is say, Angelina Jolie, then that is discipline, and character.
When you boast that you will not marry for money, can you turn down a marriage proposal that pays u $1m, 10m, 100m?
It just shows that everything is relative. And within that relativity, can you still maintain your principles?
It takes someone who really know what he is doing, who he is to hold on so firmly to his principles. And trust me, not many people can achieve this.
I've learned that,
Only someone who is very sure of himself, can take things in his stride. 拿得起，放得下，坦坦荡荡，淡淡然然. 何必计较功过？何必计较多少？U can only be comfortable being the one behind the scene, when you know very well what you are capable of. And you do not need other people's assurance...
A woman who can give up her career willingly to take care of her family, is noble, not because giving up her work is a sacrifice. But because she knows her responsibility, she knows that she is capable. She is not afraid of walking away because she knows her self worth.
When you aren't sure of yourself, u look for assurances in the all the wrong places...
Looking deep within.
"i'm not lost, just undiscover.
when we're all alone, we're all the same..."
Cheers
WR
没想到到了今天，我发现自己只不过兜了一个大圈。
看到这十个月里的我，是自私的，是任性的， 是自欺欺人的。
all along i tot i had seen it all, seen it through. At the end of the day, the path that i strayed only made me look more childish, more lost than ever, than anyone.
多可笑？
sometimes, all it takes is a line to wake u up...
"爱情的幸福是一个过程，而不是结果。 因为爱情的最终结局都是结束"
This is de very question that i asked. The very question that set me out on the less trodden path to seek the answer. All along i knew love has to end.. and i told myself, if it was going to end anyhow, as long as i am happy, that's all that matter isn't it?
And it turned out it matters. And it matters very much. It is the process that matters, and the process cannot be enjoyable if your happiness is build on someone else's pain, whoever it is. U cant be truly happy, if there is a little bit of conscience left in you. And if there isn't any conscience left, you don't deserve to love.
Many things, so many things just reflect on how selfish, how childish, how spoiled I am.
What was i trying to prove? Really?
Read a lot today. Thought about a lot today. Really tried to push myself as far as i can go today...
I've learned that,
You learn the most when u are in pain, be it physical or emotional. You put yourself through the toil, You see yourself through it... And through that, you learn about yourself, you discover what is within. When you are in pain, you are exposed to the truest nature of yourself. These are the lessons which u will take with you for life...
If all you can think of, is your own suffering, is how other people cannot compare, cannot understand you, den you probably won't go very far in life... Because you'll never learn to handle stress, problems. You'll never realise the value of going through difficult times.
The difficult time will end, though it wont be in your control, but remember, you are in control of what you learn, what you derive out of that rough patch.
And those who try to stop their friends from falling down, they probably haven realise the value of falling down yet...
I've learned that,
a true measure of a man's discipline only shows in the most extreme conditions. If you are already attached and are able to reject someone u usually won't go out with, there is nothing to boast about. It is when you can do the same even if that person is say, Angelina Jolie, then that is discipline, and character.
When you boast that you will not marry for money, can you turn down a marriage proposal that pays u $1m, 10m, 100m?
It just shows that everything is relative. And within that relativity, can you still maintain your principles?
It takes someone who really know what he is doing, who he is to hold on so firmly to his principles. And trust me, not many people can achieve this.
I've learned that,
Only someone who is very sure of himself, can take things in his stride. 拿得起，放得下，坦坦荡荡，淡淡然然. 何必计较功过？何必计较多少？U can only be comfortable being the one behind the scene, when you know very well what you are capable of. And you do not need other people's assurance...
A woman who can give up her career willingly to take care of her family, is noble, not because giving up her work is a sacrifice. But because she knows her responsibility, she knows that she is capable. She is not afraid of walking away because she knows her self worth.
When you aren't sure of yourself, u look for assurances in the all the wrong places...
Looking deep within.
"i'm not lost, just undiscover.
when we're all alone, we're all the same..."
Cheers
WR
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
至:所有有缘人,
作 者：微风轻拂
2006-7-14 12:24:54 
星期五 收藏:
人 世间的事， 有一些真是说不清 ， 而最说不清的就是人的感情， 也许是我的学问太少，也许是我的想法有太多的幼稚, 也许真的是有什么力量在掌控着。 世界之大: 一个人与另一人相遇的可能性是千万分之一， 能成为朋友的可能性大约是亿分之一， 若是成为终生伴侣，其可能性就只有几十亿分之一。 茫茫人 海之中， 为什么会与一个人相遇， 又为什么会一见钟情， 他（她）的一个眼神、 一声轻语、 一个笑脸就让你永远不能忘却， 有人说这是巧合，有人说这 是偶然， 所谓“众里寻她千百度， 蓦然回首， 那人却在灯火阑珊处”， 然而， 从小到大见过那么多的人， 为什么只有这一次是巧合， 巧合的为什么是 他（她）， 而不是别人。 所谓的: 百年修得同船渡, 千年修得共枕眠.
人的感情飘浮不定， 有聚就有散， 有合就有分， 聪明的现代人把“缘分”拆成了“缘”和“分”两个词， 人的感情生活得到了更详 尽更确切的解析， 所谓“有缘有分、有缘无分、无缘有分、无缘无分”。 有缘有分是那些从相遇到相知， 最后和谐相处的人； 有缘无分是说有缘相见， 但 错过机遇的人， 或者是相处一段后而最终分离的人； 无缘有分是虽然一见就烦， 而不得不在一个锅里吃饭的人； 无缘无分大概是从未相见的陌路人。 和“陌生人”生活在同一个屋檐下， 同床共枕而各做着各的梦， 也是很痛苦的， 但在“缘”的捆绑下， 任你百般挣脱也是无可奈何！！！！！
人是随缘来到世上的， 谁是你的父母， 谁是你的兄弟姐妹 ，是先天注定的谁也是无法选择的。 儿时的缘， 是两小无猜的游戏， 是在一起的哭闹和疯笑， 是童真无邪。 同学的缘， 是朝夕相处的情谊， 是纯洁的向往， 是朦胧的碰撞。 朋友的缘， 是无需表白的默契， 是心底的 慰贴， 是高山流水的交融。 “有心栽花花不开，无心插柳柳成荫。”缘来相见， 缘去离散， 一次不经意的邂逅， 又见面了，这个世界真小。 ”“莫非这 是缘份？”人和人讲“缘分”的最多场景是在酒桌上， 特别是酒至半酣的时候， 就开始讲缘分了，“能够碰到一起，真的是缘分啊”， 一下子就拉近了人和人 之间的距离， 最起码也能在非常时刻缓和一下紧张的气氛。
“月有阴晴圆缺，人有悲欢离合，”上苍带给我们的毕竟不只是完美， 还有更多的缺憾，一个重感情的人就难免会伤感， 求完美就难免会有失 落 。 当遇到感情挫折时， 一味的讲道理有时是不管用的， 世上没有“放之四海而皆准”的感情哲理， 一些道理往往适合我， 却不适合你， 这个时候就 不得不撇开道理， 而说缘分了。 两个人的美满结合，那是有缘分，不能结合是没缘分或者是缘分未到， 结婚后又离婚是缘分尽了， 如果不是那么叫真， 又 不想把分分合合的缘由说的那么直白， 这一切， 最好的解释就是“缘分”。 “缘分”扮演了一个亦正亦邪的角色， 如果“有缘”， 要感谢上天的恩赐， 如果“无缘”， 那也是天意所为， “缘分”感将“相遇”或者“未遇”合理化了。 相信“有缘千里来相会，无缘对面不相逢”， 相信“踏破铁鞋 无觅处，得来全不费工夫”， 这种外因式的归咎， 将“缘”看作不可控制的力量。 在爱情与婚姻问题上， 用“缘分”来归结， 大概是迄今为止是最美妙的 解释了。 “缘份”一说可以使男男女女在扑朔迷离的情场上得到一些鼓励和安慰， 医治那些一时无法抚平的痛苦与创伤。 它让人接受人生的一些遗憾， 在感情上不再苛求， 心安理得地接受现实，没有了黯然神伤，心情自然就能平静。在这里，用理智化解不开的难题，一说“缘分”就会迎刃而解。
“缘分”在似有似无的恍惚之间， 显得极具魔力 ， 实在是妙不可言。 人， 就像天上的流云， 时而聚合， 时而分离。 也许，今天朋 友还在一起把酒言欢， 明天就天各一方。古人说，“尽人事而听天命”， 得之我幸， 失之我命。 理智的看， “缘”更像是“天命”在感情上的一个分 支，虽然我不尽信命，但我信缘。
作 者：微风轻拂
缘与份
2006-7-14 12:24:54 星期五 收藏: 人的感情飘浮不定， 有聚就有散， 有合就有分， 聪明的现代人把“缘分”拆成了“缘”和“分”两个词， 人的感情生活得到了更详 尽更确切的解析， 所谓“有缘有分、有缘无分、无缘有分、无缘无分”。 有缘有分是那些从相遇到相知， 最后和谐相处的人； 有缘无分是说有缘相见， 但 错过机遇的人， 或者是相处一段后而最终分离的人； 无缘有分是虽然一见就烦， 而不得不在一个锅里吃饭的人； 无缘无分大概是从未相见的陌路人。 和“陌生人”生活在同一个屋檐下， 同床共枕而各做着各的梦， 也是很痛苦的， 但在“缘”的捆绑下， 任你百般挣脱也是无可奈何！！！！！
人是随缘来到世上的， 谁是你的父母， 谁是你的兄弟姐妹 ，是先天注定的谁也是无法选择的。 儿时的缘， 是两小无猜的游戏， 是在一起的哭闹和疯笑， 是童真无邪。 同学的缘， 是朝夕相处的情谊， 是纯洁的向往， 是朦胧的碰撞。 朋友的缘， 是无需表白的默契， 是心底的 慰贴， 是高山流水的交融。 “有心栽花花不开，无心插柳柳成荫。”缘来相见， 缘去离散， 一次不经意的邂逅， 又见面了，这个世界真小。 ”“莫非这 是缘份？”人和人讲“缘分”的最多场景是在酒桌上， 特别是酒至半酣的时候， 就开始讲缘分了，“能够碰到一起，真的是缘分啊”， 一下子就拉近了人和人 之间的距离， 最起码也能在非常时刻缓和一下紧张的气氛。
“月有阴晴圆缺，人有悲欢离合，”上苍带给我们的毕竟不只是完美， 还有更多的缺憾，一个重感情的人就难免会伤感， 求完美就难免会有失 落 。 当遇到感情挫折时， 一味的讲道理有时是不管用的， 世上没有“放之四海而皆准”的感情哲理， 一些道理往往适合我， 却不适合你， 这个时候就 不得不撇开道理， 而说缘分了。 两个人的美满结合，那是有缘分，不能结合是没缘分或者是缘分未到， 结婚后又离婚是缘分尽了， 如果不是那么叫真， 又 不想把分分合合的缘由说的那么直白， 这一切， 最好的解释就是“缘分”。 “缘分”扮演了一个亦正亦邪的角色， 如果“有缘”， 要感谢上天的恩赐， 如果“无缘”， 那也是天意所为， “缘分”感将“相遇”或者“未遇”合理化了。 相信“有缘千里来相会，无缘对面不相逢”， 相信“踏破铁鞋 无觅处，得来全不费工夫”， 这种外因式的归咎， 将“缘”看作不可控制的力量。 在爱情与婚姻问题上， 用“缘分”来归结， 大概是迄今为止是最美妙的 解释了。 “缘份”一说可以使男男女女在扑朔迷离的情场上得到一些鼓励和安慰， 医治那些一时无法抚平的痛苦与创伤。 它让人接受人生的一些遗憾， 在感情上不再苛求， 心安理得地接受现实，没有了黯然神伤，心情自然就能平静。在这里，用理智化解不开的难题，一说“缘分”就会迎刃而解。
“缘分”在似有似无的恍惚之间， 显得极具魔力 ， 实在是妙不可言。 人， 就像天上的流云， 时而聚合， 时而分离。 也许，今天朋 友还在一起把酒言欢， 明天就天各一方。古人说，“尽人事而听天命”， 得之我幸， 失之我命。 理智的看， “缘”更像是“天命”在感情上的一个分 支，虽然我不尽信命，但我信缘。
Monday, April 16, 2007
Friday, April 13, 2007
Thursday, April 12, 2007
'感觉' 消失后，取而代之的，是经过时间，慢慢建立起来的 '感情'...
Had a lot of afterthoughts after reading the article, promised myself that i'll write an entry about it when I am done with my take home assignments. And here I am..
Pardon me if you find the following entry a little messy, I'm just writing as I go through the article once again..
There isn't a second chance to live your life, therefore you take every step with much care and consideration. This is why life is precious, this is why decisions you make at every junction u come to in life are heavily weighted and considered. The author then questioned, what if relationship is the same? What if you can only love once in your life and there is no turning back, no starting over? Would you still find yourself falling in and out of love so easily?
He has pointed out rightly, that the average age of those getting hitch is decreasing, even primary school students are getting attached. This, in his perspective, is a worrying trend, considering the lack of maturity and independence. How much do they know about relationships, what it means to be together with somebody? The rate of breaking up has therefore, increased tremendously...
However, to me, at different stages of your life, u are involved in a relationships to a different degree. Therefore, a person goes through a number of relationships before finally settling down. There is an introductory stage whereby you are less involved. Even if you were contemplating a future with this person, the success rate of which is small because you have yet to find out what are you looking for in life, in a partner. By success rate, i mean to be able to stay together with that person, and get a HDB flat later in life.
After the introductory stage, a person is more or less able to discern what he wants in life and in a spouse. There in comes the intermediary stage, whereby you look out for someone whom u seriously want to spend your life with. But at this stage, things might still not work out, because of different daily habits when living together, postings overseas etc. You are knowing more and more people as you settle into your career. External factors which you cannot help will affect the relationships.
Then the last stage, where you are pretty settled on what you want and have settled into your career. Things are more in control, you have better big picture, grand scheme of life. You then think about being together with someone really seriously and will be willing to give in when you can, etc.
Hence, i maintain that a person has to go through the baptism of the first two stages, to really appreciate relationship for what it is, his spouse for who she is.
A relationship, at the end of the day, involves two people. As I've mentioned before, eyons ago, anything that has to involve more than one person, only complicate things. Same applies. The complexity of relationships is attributed by the very fact that there are two people in it. Two people with emotions involve only escalate the degree of complexity. There needs to be a certain compatibility between the two in order to make things work. Compatibility as to the thinking, principles, outlook in life, views regarding relationship.
The author asked, why can't people consider relationships carefully before making the decision, and give everything he has after making that decision?
Because when he wanted to give everything, she was not serious. Because when she wanted to love him with all she had, he merely wanted a companion. Many people have experienced such pain because they met the wrong people at the wrong time. There was incompatibility of views towards relationship, and they were hurt. So badly that they told themselves, the next time they will protect themselves. There's no giving everything, because at the end of it all, they'll only be hurt. Hence the hurt passes on.
Can one person curb the cycle? Can one person change the whole playing field?
人终究是感情的动物，感觉会在最不可思议的时候出现．．．
Feelings for new people you meet will definitely come about. The difference lies in how you manage it when you are already with somebody. Some people see it as a challenge to the strength of the relationship, while others simply falter at inducement of excitement and adrenaline.
对，爱是可以重来
但是，对一个人的爱，对一个人的感情，对一个人的记忆，一旦错过了，就再也不能重来了．
Whatever that you had with this special person that you have set ur sight on, can never be replaced by another person.
Love can happen again and again.
The love between you and that person, wont ever happen again.
Therefore, even though one person can have many relationships in his life time, at the end of the day, each relationship is precious. Keeping that in mind, one will be more careful about wanting to end the relationship.
Had a lot of afterthoughts after reading the article, promised myself that i'll write an entry about it when I am done with my take home assignments. And here I am..
Pardon me if you find the following entry a little messy, I'm just writing as I go through the article once again..
There isn't a second chance to live your life, therefore you take every step with much care and consideration. This is why life is precious, this is why decisions you make at every junction u come to in life are heavily weighted and considered. The author then questioned, what if relationship is the same? What if you can only love once in your life and there is no turning back, no starting over? Would you still find yourself falling in and out of love so easily?
He has pointed out rightly, that the average age of those getting hitch is decreasing, even primary school students are getting attached. This, in his perspective, is a worrying trend, considering the lack of maturity and independence. How much do they know about relationships, what it means to be together with somebody? The rate of breaking up has therefore, increased tremendously...
However, to me, at different stages of your life, u are involved in a relationships to a different degree. Therefore, a person goes through a number of relationships before finally settling down. There is an introductory stage whereby you are less involved. Even if you were contemplating a future with this person, the success rate of which is small because you have yet to find out what are you looking for in life, in a partner. By success rate, i mean to be able to stay together with that person, and get a HDB flat later in life.
After the introductory stage, a person is more or less able to discern what he wants in life and in a spouse. There in comes the intermediary stage, whereby you look out for someone whom u seriously want to spend your life with. But at this stage, things might still not work out, because of different daily habits when living together, postings overseas etc. You are knowing more and more people as you settle into your career. External factors which you cannot help will affect the relationships.
Then the last stage, where you are pretty settled on what you want and have settled into your career. Things are more in control, you have better big picture, grand scheme of life. You then think about being together with someone really seriously and will be willing to give in when you can, etc.
Hence, i maintain that a person has to go through the baptism of the first two stages, to really appreciate relationship for what it is, his spouse for who she is.
A relationship, at the end of the day, involves two people. As I've mentioned before, eyons ago, anything that has to involve more than one person, only complicate things. Same applies. The complexity of relationships is attributed by the very fact that there are two people in it. Two people with emotions involve only escalate the degree of complexity. There needs to be a certain compatibility between the two in order to make things work. Compatibility as to the thinking, principles, outlook in life, views regarding relationship.
The author asked, why can't people consider relationships carefully before making the decision, and give everything he has after making that decision?
Because when he wanted to give everything, she was not serious. Because when she wanted to love him with all she had, he merely wanted a companion. Many people have experienced such pain because they met the wrong people at the wrong time. There was incompatibility of views towards relationship, and they were hurt. So badly that they told themselves, the next time they will protect themselves. There's no giving everything, because at the end of it all, they'll only be hurt. Hence the hurt passes on.
Can one person curb the cycle? Can one person change the whole playing field?
人终究是感情的动物，感觉会在最不可思议的时候出现．．．
Feelings for new people you meet will definitely come about. The difference lies in how you manage it when you are already with somebody. Some people see it as a challenge to the strength of the relationship, while others simply falter at inducement of excitement and adrenaline.
对，爱是可以重来
但是，对一个人的爱，对一个人的感情，对一个人的记忆，一旦错过了，就再也不能重来了．
Whatever that you had with this special person that you have set ur sight on, can never be replaced by another person.
Love can happen again and again.
The love between you and that person, wont ever happen again.
Therefore, even though one person can have many relationships in his life time, at the end of the day, each relationship is precious. Keeping that in mind, one will be more careful about wanting to end the relationship.
Posted by 廣羽三人 on
（摘至星洲日報／副刊‧文：黃色小叮噹‧2006/12/02）
常常听人說，在愛情的世界里，沒有所謂的對與錯……兩個人能在一起，就是緣分；若不幸分手了，便是無緣。現在的年輕人談戀愛講究感覺。對他們而言，感覺是愛上一個人的主因，沒有感覺的愛情枯燥無味，所以不如早日分手，這樣就不會浪費彼此找尋真愛的時間了。不過，如果把愛情懸掛于真愛以及感覺之間，還真讓人摸不出他們有什麼關聯呢！無論是感覺或愛情，在無情的時間見證之下，都會有所變更。難道所謂的真愛是永遠不變的愛嗎？對一個人的感覺可以永遠保鮮嗎？當感覺一旦變淡，是不是連愛情都沒有了？而經得起考驗的愛就是真愛嗎？怎麼才算經得起考驗呢？不受誘惑、沒有第三者介入的就是經得起考驗的愛情嗎？如果甲和乙條件相同，不過因為跟甲在一起久，沒感情了，反而跟乙在一起就充滿新鮮感，是否可以因為這樣而棄舊換新呢？
很多人分手了都會說是因為性格不合、沒有感覺或其他理由。有時，听起來很明顯的只是借口，明明是因為移情別戀了──在分手後，雙方就迅速地找到了新的另一半。難道分手後就不可以再開始另一段新戀情嗎？可以，不過讓人覺得納悶的是，如果是因為性格不合或沒有感覺而分手，那為何早不分，晚不分，偏偏等到第三者出現了，就分手？當然，如果要解釋，他們的答案可以寫好幾本書。合久必分？真的是這樣嗎？沒有人可以給予正確的答案，有些人即使結婚了還是可以離婚，並且再婚的。難道婚姻真的是愛情的墳墓？是因為結婚後有束縛，不能享受棄舊換新戀情的緣故嗎？
我听過一個故事，雖然不怎麼特別，不過對我來說卻很具有教育意義：
一個擁有幸福家庭的男人，在陰差陽錯的情況之下救了一個天使，所以天使就給了他一個願望。他想了想，對天使說︰“如果生命有take 2，可以重來的話就好了。”天使答應了他，並對他說︰“你就好好享受你的人生吧！等你想要重來的時候，只要心理想我，一切就會恢復原狀了！”
那個人听了雀躍萬分，心想︰“我可以做一切我想要做的事情了。”在回家的路上，他看見了毒販，就經不起誘惑買了一些毒品來嘗試。果然，那是一種飄飄欲仙的感覺。回到家後，他立即和平日嘮叨不停的老婆離婚了，然後娶了一個年輕貌美的新老婆。再來就是儘量地又嫖又賭，放縱自己，讓自己墮落，嘗試一些以前永遠不敢做的事情。因為毒癮和賭癮常常發作，他很快就破產了，新老婆也離他而去，同時，他發現自己得了愛滋病……這時，他的前妻卻默默地回到他的身邊照顧他。他百思不解，開口問道︰“我以前那樣對你，你為什麼還要回來呢？”她默默不語，只流下兩行淚。那個人愧疚萬分，頓時大悟，從夢中醒了過來。只見天使在他身邊說道︰“你現在了解為什麼生命不可以有take 2了吧？生命之所以可貴，是因為生命不能重來啊！所以人們才會懂得珍惜身邊的一切。”
生命沒有take 2，所以大家都盡量小心翼翼地選擇自己想要的生活。因為一旦作了抉擇，就無法再回頭了……因為我們並沒有那麼幸運，遇到可以讓我們重來的天使。那愛情呢？如果愛情也沒有take 2，那大家是否會小心而且更認真地看待愛情呢？隨時代的變遷，談戀愛的年齡已經越來越年輕化，甚至連小學生也開始談戀愛了，在心智以及各方面都尚未成熟、獨立的情況下，分手的幾率當然異常的高。
為什麼會這樣？
因為愛情總是可以重來，如果對第一段感情不滿意，隨時可以結束，然後展開新的一段戀情。只要生命還沒結束，愛情就隨時可以更新。然而，若愛情沒有take 2，一個人一生只能愛一個人，可能就不會有人因感覺變淡而分手了，更不會有第三者的出現。而且也沒有人敢冒冒然地愛，不會有人為了嘗試愛情而愛，更不會有人荒謬到為了吸取更多的愛情經驗而愛。考慮清清楚楚了才愛，愛了就要全心付出，絕不回頭……這樣的想法會不會只是一種夢想？這種願望是不是很難達成？
也許在取笑之餘，大家是否能嘗試想一想，若愛情變得像生命一樣可貴，那這願望是不是就能達成了？雖然在現實世界裡，愛情隨時可以重來，然而真實的狀況是，愛情就像是一張白紙，以往的愛情記錄只要寫下了就怎麼刪也刪不掉，或許自己可以假裝忘記，但卻不可能忘記自己以及對方在愛情記錄中留下的回憶。有誰願意把傷痛的回憶留給自己的愛人呢？無可否認，對一個人感覺的確會隨時間而慢慢消逝，可是感情卻會慢慢被培養起來。之後，兩個人在一起並不只是一種習慣，而是因為感情建立了，彼此再也離不開對方了。雖說這樣的感情多數平淡如水，但細水長流卻綿綿不絕呀！當然，這種感覺，只有用心去愛的人才可以了解與體會了！
（摘至星洲日報／副刊‧文：黃色小叮噹‧2006/12/02）
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
No idea how to start on my assignment. The outline is there, just can't seemed to sit myself down and type it out. I guess i'm having a writer's block, and i probably can blog it off.. Lack of inspiration to blog, even..
Everything happens for a reason. Any incident, any experience, any person that you come across in your life, You can learn something out of any of these, good or bad. Everyday, i look at the things occurring around me, and i just see this theme recurring. You might not realize it right now, but some time later, when something of the same vein occur, you'll see the light.
Some friends have been asking me if I'm fine after reading my blog. All I say is 'what is wrong?' I'm not trying to sound casual, to pretend nothing is happening in my life or act all mysterious about my life. Perhaps certain entries can seem a little emo, but I'm still handling it. I do have my fair share of being at a loss, but I make it a point to walk myself out of it. I may seem to be troubled by many things, but I know when to let go of certain things.
Basically, I really actually have nothing to complain about in my life. My family, albeit big and complex, is generally loving. My friends, vast and diverse, i have a few whom i hold really dear to my heart. My love, undefined, but i have my emotional support here and there. I am really very grateful to each and everyone that has been, is in my life. Really thankful that our paths crossed and eventually if we take on different routes, the memories live on.
The cynism, skeptism is slowly melting away. The anger of losing something that was dear is slowly fizzling out. She told me that it'll take another man's whole hearted love to heal me but i beg to differ. To be able to understand and accept that it happened, that somethings are just not within your control, to understand how things work in life, is the path to recovery. And of cos, much reassurance that ultimately, i'll find the one. It might sound cliche if it came from any other person, but when it came from someone who has been there, done that. From being young and innocent, to really loved and gotten hurt, then playing the field and later, found the right person, he has seen it all. Having had the same doubts that I have now, he has found the answers that I probably need to spend the next few years searching for. The meaning of having a relationship, the objectives of a marriage, the importance of having someone share your success with.
To sit me down, listen to my stories and then walk me through certain things that happened, it is really not easy. Because firstly, there aren't many whom i'll take sermons from. And secondly, it is really time consuming for something that you probably yield nothing 'cept perhaps the satisfaction of guiding a lost sheep. He is a much needed iron hand right now in my life, enough space for me to learn the ropes on my own yet the warnings come early enough for me to back off from the cliff. I can only say: xie la =)
I know when i find my place in life in the later stages, this period will really play a big part in what becomes of me. My outlook, principles all taking shape right now. Make it, or break it.
WR
Everything happens for a reason. Any incident, any experience, any person that you come across in your life, You can learn something out of any of these, good or bad. Everyday, i look at the things occurring around me, and i just see this theme recurring. You might not realize it right now, but some time later, when something of the same vein occur, you'll see the light.
Some friends have been asking me if I'm fine after reading my blog. All I say is 'what is wrong?' I'm not trying to sound casual, to pretend nothing is happening in my life or act all mysterious about my life. Perhaps certain entries can seem a little emo, but I'm still handling it. I do have my fair share of being at a loss, but I make it a point to walk myself out of it. I may seem to be troubled by many things, but I know when to let go of certain things.
Basically, I really actually have nothing to complain about in my life. My family, albeit big and complex, is generally loving. My friends, vast and diverse, i have a few whom i hold really dear to my heart. My love, undefined, but i have my emotional support here and there. I am really very grateful to each and everyone that has been, is in my life. Really thankful that our paths crossed and eventually if we take on different routes, the memories live on.
The cynism, skeptism is slowly melting away. The anger of losing something that was dear is slowly fizzling out. She told me that it'll take another man's whole hearted love to heal me but i beg to differ. To be able to understand and accept that it happened, that somethings are just not within your control, to understand how things work in life, is the path to recovery. And of cos, much reassurance that ultimately, i'll find the one. It might sound cliche if it came from any other person, but when it came from someone who has been there, done that. From being young and innocent, to really loved and gotten hurt, then playing the field and later, found the right person, he has seen it all. Having had the same doubts that I have now, he has found the answers that I probably need to spend the next few years searching for. The meaning of having a relationship, the objectives of a marriage, the importance of having someone share your success with.
To sit me down, listen to my stories and then walk me through certain things that happened, it is really not easy. Because firstly, there aren't many whom i'll take sermons from. And secondly, it is really time consuming for something that you probably yield nothing 'cept perhaps the satisfaction of guiding a lost sheep. He is a much needed iron hand right now in my life, enough space for me to learn the ropes on my own yet the warnings come early enough for me to back off from the cliff. I can only say: xie la =)
I know when i find my place in life in the later stages, this period will really play a big part in what becomes of me. My outlook, principles all taking shape right now. Make it, or break it.
WR
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
清官难断家务事
because it involves emotion.. Involves a person's outlook in life... How you treat your family need to come from within. How much you do, they cannot demand. Nothing can be demarcated clearly, burdens can never be divided equally. There isn't a problem if all the kids are brought up to be selfish or selfless. But things become difficult once some are of each category... Those who give and give, and those that never stop taking, eventually some conflict will arise... and when there are conflicts, they usually cannot be solved because there are just too many elements to one single problem.
At the end of the day, it all boils down to the individual. When you give, don't expect anything in return. Any expectations often turn into disappointment. You tend to expect more from the ones you love the most, and therein lies the danger of disappointment. Therein lies the difference between a mother's love and any other kind of love you can find. Because disappointment can take away those other kinds of love, but never will it deplete your mother's love for you...
However, when you take, remember to be grateful. Remember that they do not have any obligation towards you, even if you are born into the same family. There's affinity, but that's all to it. The more you love them, they more you should feel grateful when they make an effort to do anything for you. Towards family, towards your friends...
When you love, remember not to impose it on the other party. Remember that what you consider as a loving gesture, might be poison to the other party. Remember that, loving that person too much, might be difficult for him/her because he/she cannot reciprocate. Suffocated by the need to repay your love, he/she might choose to runaway from it instead.
Always remember that no problem is too big for a family. That a family is worth going back to because of the support that one finds there. That everyone loves everyone, but they just have different way of showing it.
这里有爱等我回来
because it involves emotion.. Involves a person's outlook in life... How you treat your family need to come from within. How much you do, they cannot demand. Nothing can be demarcated clearly, burdens can never be divided equally. There isn't a problem if all the kids are brought up to be selfish or selfless. But things become difficult once some are of each category... Those who give and give, and those that never stop taking, eventually some conflict will arise... and when there are conflicts, they usually cannot be solved because there are just too many elements to one single problem.
At the end of the day, it all boils down to the individual. When you give, don't expect anything in return. Any expectations often turn into disappointment. You tend to expect more from the ones you love the most, and therein lies the danger of disappointment. Therein lies the difference between a mother's love and any other kind of love you can find. Because disappointment can take away those other kinds of love, but never will it deplete your mother's love for you...
However, when you take, remember to be grateful. Remember that they do not have any obligation towards you, even if you are born into the same family. There's affinity, but that's all to it. The more you love them, they more you should feel grateful when they make an effort to do anything for you. Towards family, towards your friends...
When you love, remember not to impose it on the other party. Remember that what you consider as a loving gesture, might be poison to the other party. Remember that, loving that person too much, might be difficult for him/her because he/she cannot reciprocate. Suffocated by the need to repay your love, he/she might choose to runaway from it instead.
Always remember that no problem is too big for a family. That a family is worth going back to because of the support that one finds there. That everyone loves everyone, but they just have different way of showing it.
这里有爱等我回来
Sunday, April 01, 2007
I think i've found the perfect spot to study outside of my house... At amk central macdonald, wifi, powerpoint, junk food, comfortable seats... Still evaluating the crowd though...
Made my way here at 8 am in the morning for a new tuition assignment that i've taken up only recently. I was warned that he is a problem child, bad attitude, etc, therefore i had my reservations at first.. Perhaps it is only our first session, but he seemed pleasant enough. Contrary to what i've been told, that he isn't really thinking about his future, he has an idea of where he wants to be already. Mayb the adults are just too critical of him to see what he is capable of. On the whole an enjoyable session, where i made my fair share of mistakes and he is pretty sharp to spot where did i go wrong. He'll definitely be a difficult case on his bad days, but we'll see...
My own work is piling up and i actually am taking time to evaluate other people's future :) That's me. Cant take my own things in control and yet i want to meddle with other's affairs. Probably that's why i want to be a teacher so much. Always worrying for the students' future, well-being, etc.
Nice and cozy corner while it drizzles outside... I think i should get back to my paper before the lunch hour starts...
Cheers.
WR
Made my way here at 8 am in the morning for a new tuition assignment that i've taken up only recently. I was warned that he is a problem child, bad attitude, etc, therefore i had my reservations at first.. Perhaps it is only our first session, but he seemed pleasant enough. Contrary to what i've been told, that he isn't really thinking about his future, he has an idea of where he wants to be already. Mayb the adults are just too critical of him to see what he is capable of. On the whole an enjoyable session, where i made my fair share of mistakes and he is pretty sharp to spot where did i go wrong. He'll definitely be a difficult case on his bad days, but we'll see...
My own work is piling up and i actually am taking time to evaluate other people's future :) That's me. Cant take my own things in control and yet i want to meddle with other's affairs. Probably that's why i want to be a teacher so much. Always worrying for the students' future, well-being, etc.
Nice and cozy corner while it drizzles outside... I think i should get back to my paper before the lunch hour starts...
Cheers.
WR
Short post before i go to bed.. Busy day =) went for tuition, read up for my paper, went to meet my frens for a drink... my frens for 4 years. Two guys. I got to know them at Siam supper club, when my sister was working there. It was freaking crowded and i was stuck there, right in between the two seats they were occupying and we started talking.. That was 4 years ago, around this time..
I guess i met them at near the lowest point of their lives... I think i've seen them at the most emo time of their lives. And it was us, 4 years ago, who started using the word 'Emo' for the record...
Now, one of them is engaged, and another is happily attached =)
They really look like their lives are complete, and i'm really very happy for them. The happiness stems from knowing how much they have been through, their past, their pain, the rejections... I ever cried just listening to one of their stories..
On a happier note, i'll always remember the silly times we shared together. The time we sat at joo chiat on a Thursday after ladies night at Zouk, cos we're all dead drunk the night before. They took off and i was having my holidays, we just bum there... How we spent the national day together, watching the big screen at ren ci, and then had dinner at chomp chomp.. How we spent our friday nights at winebar, looking at chicks. Lingerie chick, two left feet chick. The night of 3 blue cars. The countless dressing downs i had to take from them for dating my ex boyfriend. The day they rush down for me when i broke off with him. The countless jokes they cracked about him. The two birthdays they celebrated with me.. How they blamed me for being so young, thereby not being able to go to velvet...
Today damien said "Damn, i saw you through your whole bloody tertiary education. you are actually graduating next year"
And it dawned upon me.. They have been around for so long. And one of them is actually getting married in May. =) It feels like yesterday when i asked them if they'll invite me to their wedding and the things i swore to god, i'd tell their wives about.
Man... how things have changed. How things have become different in the span of 4 years.. How they used to nag at me, for hanging around the two old men so much.. Now the two old men are going through a different phrase already, the little girl no longer exists and no longer can pester them...
My brothers. They'll definitely leave my life at some point or another. Even those around me right now. But ultimately, I'll remember all the memories they left me with. The jokes we shared. The times we have together. The stupid things we did. Whether we keep in contact, doesn't really matter. Because I know that, we've really been there for each other. I saw them through some of the most difficult times of their lives, they did the same. Thereafter, I just wish they'll never hit that same low again, or if they do, someone else will be there for them. =) Because it is a different phrase and it is a different kind of attention that they need...
君子之交- 淡如水
有缘千里来相会,无缘见面不相识
I guess i met them at near the lowest point of their lives... I think i've seen them at the most emo time of their lives. And it was us, 4 years ago, who started using the word 'Emo' for the record...
Now, one of them is engaged, and another is happily attached =)
They really look like their lives are complete, and i'm really very happy for them. The happiness stems from knowing how much they have been through, their past, their pain, the rejections... I ever cried just listening to one of their stories..
On a happier note, i'll always remember the silly times we shared together. The time we sat at joo chiat on a Thursday after ladies night at Zouk, cos we're all dead drunk the night before. They took off and i was having my holidays, we just bum there... How we spent the national day together, watching the big screen at ren ci, and then had dinner at chomp chomp.. How we spent our friday nights at winebar, looking at chicks. Lingerie chick, two left feet chick. The night of 3 blue cars. The countless dressing downs i had to take from them for dating my ex boyfriend. The day they rush down for me when i broke off with him. The countless jokes they cracked about him. The two birthdays they celebrated with me.. How they blamed me for being so young, thereby not being able to go to velvet...
Today damien said "Damn, i saw you through your whole bloody tertiary education. you are actually graduating next year"
And it dawned upon me.. They have been around for so long. And one of them is actually getting married in May. =) It feels like yesterday when i asked them if they'll invite me to their wedding and the things i swore to god, i'd tell their wives about.
Man... how things have changed. How things have become different in the span of 4 years.. How they used to nag at me, for hanging around the two old men so much.. Now the two old men are going through a different phrase already, the little girl no longer exists and no longer can pester them...
My brothers. They'll definitely leave my life at some point or another. Even those around me right now. But ultimately, I'll remember all the memories they left me with. The jokes we shared. The times we have together. The stupid things we did. Whether we keep in contact, doesn't really matter. Because I know that, we've really been there for each other. I saw them through some of the most difficult times of their lives, they did the same. Thereafter, I just wish they'll never hit that same low again, or if they do, someone else will be there for them. =) Because it is a different phrase and it is a different kind of attention that they need...
君子之交- 淡如水
有缘千里来相会,无缘见面不相识
Friday, March 30, 2007
这首歌对我来说并没有多大的意义。。
旋律好听。。 歌词写得不错。。。
‘我爱故我在’ 意思应该是 ‘我因为爱而存在’
"there are somethings you don't want to become" I still remember.
今天的我，又想起过去。
没有用的我，又回到四年前。
但是，现在的我，对过去那个我，只有不耻。
对那个单纯的自己，只有厌恶。
but comparing then and now, who can say which is better? Who is to say that she was worsed off? And who can say that i'm much better off the way i am right now?
She had something that i don't. I believe I'm stronger that her.
But she's part of me.. For better or worse, she'll always be in there, somewhere.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enough emo-ism for the day...
I've just received call that I'll be interning at Drew and Napier for July. Unfortunately, that wouldn't be in time for their assessment for pupilage recruitment. Hence I still have to go through the interview and hopefully they still have space by then.
Anyhow, even if i don't get my pupilage there, i'll try to do well for my internship for long term. Well, that's all i can do isn't it? To do my best and all else is out of my control.
Things that are out of my control.. Have always been grappling with these 'things'. Because they are out of control, any amount of thoughts and concern can never change anything. Therefore i have to be contented with what i have. Therefore, i have to learn to adapt, to settle. And i have to learn that, no matter how hard i try, there are just these things that are there to make your life more difficult that it already is, more unbearable than it can ever be, more unfair than you can ever imagine. But, remember, that is life. U can tear your hair out, scream your lungs out and cry your heart out, This is life. There are only so much you can do.
Don't let them get to you, enjoy the ride, remember the scenery..
You are the only variable you control.
WR
旋律好听。。 歌词写得不错。。。
‘我爱故我在’ 意思应该是 ‘我因为爱而存在’
"there are somethings you don't want to become" I still remember.
今天的我，又想起过去。
没有用的我，又回到四年前。
但是，现在的我，对过去那个我，只有不耻。
对那个单纯的自己，只有厌恶。
but comparing then and now, who can say which is better? Who is to say that she was worsed off? And who can say that i'm much better off the way i am right now?
She had something that i don't. I believe I'm stronger that her.
But she's part of me.. For better or worse, she'll always be in there, somewhere.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enough emo-ism for the day...
I've just received call that I'll be interning at Drew and Napier for July. Unfortunately, that wouldn't be in time for their assessment for pupilage recruitment. Hence I still have to go through the interview and hopefully they still have space by then.
Anyhow, even if i don't get my pupilage there, i'll try to do well for my internship for long term. Well, that's all i can do isn't it? To do my best and all else is out of my control.
Things that are out of my control.. Have always been grappling with these 'things'. Because they are out of control, any amount of thoughts and concern can never change anything. Therefore i have to be contented with what i have. Therefore, i have to learn to adapt, to settle. And i have to learn that, no matter how hard i try, there are just these things that are there to make your life more difficult that it already is, more unbearable than it can ever be, more unfair than you can ever imagine. But, remember, that is life. U can tear your hair out, scream your lungs out and cry your heart out, This is life. There are only so much you can do.
Don't let them get to you, enjoy the ride, remember the scenery..
You are the only variable you control.
WR
Good morning, nice weather, great songs on my lappy.. The Friday definitely started out right. Notwithstanding all the assignments deadline nearing, i'm still taking my own sweet time to get things started.
Read many things in the papers, wanted to have a go at some of them but decided not to be so intellectual in today's post. More casual, less intense shall today's post be.
"Boston
In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...
You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
You said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,
Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...
You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
You said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,
She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go toBoston
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,
Boston... where no one knows my name... yeah
Where no one knows my name...
Where no one knows my name...
YeahBoston
Where no one knows my name.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Read my older entries yesterday.. Seen how things have changed over the years yet it seemed like yesterday. I can still feel a little sting of what had happened. I still remember vividly how difficult it was. No matter how many people i talked to, at the end of the day, it was just me and myself, fighting the voice inside me, "what if..."
It is all too recent to be put aside.
This is probably why I simply cannot stomach people ard me doing silly things just to salvage their lost love. Because i see myself in them. That girl who i once was, who could put down everything just for another chance of being with that person, who had so clearly given her up. Knowing fully well the kind of nuisance she was, skewed analysis of every word that he said in her favour, not knowing when to stop.
The bitter taste is still there. And to hear of people doing the same thing, facing the same problem, even if the fact pattern is different, I have little to say. Because no amount of words will suffice. As long as he/she wants to wallow in the hole of false hope and self pity, nothing can save him/her. The harsh reality remains, the other person has left. The more you do right now, the lesser you will be to that person. All i can say is, pack up the little dignity you have left and walk away. Even if there is a little bit of love left in that person, a relationship cannot work if that person has lost his/her respect for you.
先学会爱自己
别人才会知道怎么爱你
Read many things in the papers, wanted to have a go at some of them but decided not to be so intellectual in today's post. More casual, less intense shall today's post be.
"
In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...
You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
You said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,
Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...
You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
You said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,
She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,
Boston... where no one knows my name... yeah
Where no one knows my name...
Where no one knows my name...
Yeah
Where no one knows my name.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Read my older entries yesterday.. Seen how things have changed over the years yet it seemed like yesterday. I can still feel a little sting of what had happened. I still remember vividly how difficult it was. No matter how many people i talked to, at the end of the day, it was just me and myself, fighting the voice inside me, "what if..."
It is all too recent to be put aside.
This is probably why I simply cannot stomach people ard me doing silly things just to salvage their lost love. Because i see myself in them. That girl who i once was, who could put down everything just for another chance of being with that person, who had so clearly given her up. Knowing fully well the kind of nuisance she was, skewed analysis of every word that he said in her favour, not knowing when to stop.
The bitter taste is still there. And to hear of people doing the same thing, facing the same problem, even if the fact pattern is different, I have little to say. Because no amount of words will suffice. As long as he/she wants to wallow in the hole of false hope and self pity, nothing can save him/her. The harsh reality remains, the other person has left. The more you do right now, the lesser you will be to that person. All i can say is, pack up the little dignity you have left and walk away. Even if there is a little bit of love left in that person, a relationship cannot work if that person has lost his/her respect for you.
先学会爱自己
别人才会知道怎么爱你
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Much hype created by my sister. Finally saw it today, the day that it opened. Frankly speaking i was pretty disappointed by it, even though some parts were pretty moving. The story was good, but it could be better put together. The stories weren't linked well, hence it felt like the story was all over the place...
However, the students' stories, their lives touched me. School and education don't mean anything to them. Btween their lives and studies, the choice is clear. What is the point of is, are, was, were when u might just be shot dead the next moment? Then you realised that education can bring u to places, but not when you're dead.
then the line "You cannot teach someone to want education" hit you in your face. You cannot blame Margaret for say that. To her, they are just a bunch of good-for-nothings, don't want anything out of life. They are a bunch of street rats who were forced upon this A-list school, turning it into make shift care centre for problem kids. She has been teaching for a good number of years in this good school to justify her resentment for these kids.
Lack of belief in the kids. Lack of faith in what their profession. The concept that the good and academically inclined students should be given more resources is something I can never agree with. Why do they even teach in the first place? What is the point of education then? Undeniably, there are definitely those who just cannot be bothered to study. But there are students who will put in the effort once you show them you believe in what they are capable of. I have first hand experience to this.
Ms G's divorce in the movie... just shows that no one can be perfect.. That ultimately, time is a limited resource. You spend more time at your job, you'll end up alone. No one can blame her husband for leaving. He didn't marry the TV. Definitely things could have worked out, but she was more sensitive towards her kids' wants and needs instead of noticing her husband's insecurities.
He stood as a stark contrast to her father, who strongly disapproved of her being a teacher. Though so, he was there to pick up the kids with her for the trip. He showed his support for what she did for the kids. As opposed to the husband who was initially supportive, but found himself further and further from her along the way. He could have been there, to see what she was doing for herself and her students. Instead of feeling short changed in life, he could have felt happy for her. But his male ego stood in the way "But i am not your wife" he said. He couldn't stand being the lesser person in the relationship, unable to fulfill his dream as much as she did. He chose to leave. Her father, instead, admitted his mistake and declared how proud he was that his daughter 'was blessed with a burden'. She had a cause to fulfill.
Funny how i have so much to write when i started out saying i was disappointed.... Must be the afterthoughts...
Hope i din spoil your movie.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
went to credit suisse for internship interview today.. from what i gathered, they were quite impressed with me. Less the fact that i already had prior commitment, i can say that i had pretty high chances of clinching the internship. I told them of my prior commitment and we had a good laugh over it. They wanted me to make a decision then and there but all i could tell them was, "if my saying yes here requires me to go back on my words to them, then my yes here cannot be worth much, right?"
That being said, so much about a company can be seen via an interview. Just like how much an experienced manager can learn about an interviewee in that short hour. Big as they are, successful as they might be, the way they carry themselves in front of outsiders, the way they receive you is full of professionalism. From the reception, until the two executives see you to the elevator.
Even this is a learning experience, no?
Nearing the crossroads of my life. Moving into that phase in life whereby i have to choose where do i want to go from here. A few paths already mapped out in my head. Assuming perfect scenarios, the different future that i see. But now i'm still keeping my options open, i can only decide when i go through my hell internship with the law firm. I'll probably be another digit at the firm, something which i totally cannot come to terms with. However, it is still too early to make any conclusion.
These few months, my learning curve is steep, very. There are really too many things out there to be learn. Things that you cannot learn in the books. Things u have to see and try for yourself. By far, the most that i've learned about relationship, is within this period when i'm single. See how people go about hitting the walls, crying over relationships that shouldn't have taken plc, how guys bark up the wrong tree, how girls go around boasting about their 'conquests', all sorts of power struggle in a relationship...
It'll definitely do my next r/s good, but whether it lasts or not will be another story yeah?
We'll never know. That's the beauty of life.
WR
That being said, so much about a company can be seen via an interview. Just like how much an experienced manager can learn about an interviewee in that short hour. Big as they are, successful as they might be, the way they carry themselves in front of outsiders, the way they receive you is full of professionalism. From the reception, until the two executives see you to the elevator.
Even this is a learning experience, no?
Nearing the crossroads of my life. Moving into that phase in life whereby i have to choose where do i want to go from here. A few paths already mapped out in my head. Assuming perfect scenarios, the different future that i see. But now i'm still keeping my options open, i can only decide when i go through my hell internship with the law firm. I'll probably be another digit at the firm, something which i totally cannot come to terms with. However, it is still too early to make any conclusion.
These few months, my learning curve is steep, very. There are really too many things out there to be learn. Things that you cannot learn in the books. Things u have to see and try for yourself. By far, the most that i've learned about relationship, is within this period when i'm single. See how people go about hitting the walls, crying over relationships that shouldn't have taken plc, how guys bark up the wrong tree, how girls go around boasting about their 'conquests', all sorts of power struggle in a relationship...
It'll definitely do my next r/s good, but whether it lasts or not will be another story yeah?
We'll never know. That's the beauty of life.
WR
Jus a short post before i go back to earning $150 per essay.. I'm fine, as the previous posts might suggest otherwise.. There are things to be done, assignment to complete... Still going about my life as usual. Things are becoming clearer and clearer in my perspective. I guess at the end of the day, of everything i go though, there is something to take away from it. From all these mish-mash, i've seen many things, many people, experience many things, learn much more than what i could have asked for. Through conversation, observation and interaction, it is something you will never be able to achieve in the classroom. The learning curve is exponential.
looking at the near future, there are so many things waiting to be completed.. It is really difficult to imagine if i have someone to answer to, to report my movement, to be committed to. The current lifestyle, althou may seem unorthodox to some, is what i need. Company, not commitment. Frens, not partner.
However, ultimately, i'm still a girl. I would love to have someone to whine to at the end of the day. To feel the sense of belonging. To have a pair of strong arms to receive me when i'm down and out. Even though i'm not entirely on my own yet, I already know what does it mean to fend for myself. How does it feel when u stand out there alone. To belong to myself. To have only myself. This is important for me. To find out who i really am, to know what i really want and who i really want to be with.
I may be infatuated with this person, but with each passing day, i realized that it is more like admiration and respect for an individual. Rest assured that I know fully well what i am doing and that at the end of the day, i'll be responsible to myself.
wr
looking at the near future, there are so many things waiting to be completed.. It is really difficult to imagine if i have someone to answer to, to report my movement, to be committed to. The current lifestyle, althou may seem unorthodox to some, is what i need. Company, not commitment. Frens, not partner.
However, ultimately, i'm still a girl. I would love to have someone to whine to at the end of the day. To feel the sense of belonging. To have a pair of strong arms to receive me when i'm down and out. Even though i'm not entirely on my own yet, I already know what does it mean to fend for myself. How does it feel when u stand out there alone. To belong to myself. To have only myself. This is important for me. To find out who i really am, to know what i really want and who i really want to be with.
I may be infatuated with this person, but with each passing day, i realized that it is more like admiration and respect for an individual. Rest assured that I know fully well what i am doing and that at the end of the day, i'll be responsible to myself.
wr
Monday, March 05, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
here i am again, but not because i'm emo today.. HAha but i have a paper due tml 10 am.. And i'm not even half way through it. Talk about procrastinating.
Quite a peaceful morning. Not much happened. Pretty focused on finishing my assignment, which is really satisfying as a write more and more into my blank piece of word document. Crap or not is another question... But took some time off to get some retro songs by Prince and now i'm writing a useless blog :D
That's just me. My attention span cannot last more than an hour.. or even less. LIke what pardeep said, i cannot see through anything. i even quit hip-hop already.. I really wonder if i'll ever be able to be with ONE thing/person for good. The only things that i really really treasure are my digital babies... Laptop, cellphone, Sony-walkman.. I take really good care of them and never get bored.. mayb i'll need a robot for companion instead.. Can constantly upload software, change settings, add this, minus that at my whims and fancy... Well, we'll see how long japan takes to come up with it...
I receive comments that i think too much.
Really? What does it mean to "think too much"?
Being too sensitive, reading too much into things or just being aware of the surroundings? Being aware of how other people feel, being aware of the lessons to be learn behind each experience, being aware of my own feelings, growth, etc?
Or is it just enough to get pass each day? Going through the motion, living each day as it comes. Enjoy and forget.
I cannot imagine being the latter, to just experience and not further analysis. To just do and stop at execution. Every act, decision actually amounts to something, every consequence, good or bad, there is a lesson to be learned. Every story that someone tells you, tell you something more about that person and something that you can benefit from. So much information and each story has so many perspectives to it. How can anyone just live life and watch everything pass by everyday?
I refuse to become like an animal... Which doesn't have the power to reason. Like some youngsters that i see... Completely oblivious to the world. Believe that the world revolves around them. They seemed to have completely lost their ability to see beyond execution. Like a puppet, they are manipulated - be it by parents, teachers or fashion, media, friends etc. When they think they are breaking out of a box (parents' care) they walk into another cell (Media). When they defy for the sake of defying, thinking it proves their acting on their own free-will, they are actually proving how ignorant, childish and give parents every reason not to trust them.
My sister pointed out that i might have been one of them when i was their age.
I didn't.
I had certain principles that i carried through till today.
I can be bad, but I must be able to answer to myself. I can do bad, but at the end of the day, i must be responsible for it. There are somethings i'll never do. Friends are important but i make a conscious decision not to be affected by their likes/dislikes.
Over the years, these became clear to me. I do hope the same applies for those lost sheep out there...
Regards
WR
Quite a peaceful morning. Not much happened. Pretty focused on finishing my assignment, which is really satisfying as a write more and more into my blank piece of word document. Crap or not is another question... But took some time off to get some retro songs by Prince and now i'm writing a useless blog :D
That's just me. My attention span cannot last more than an hour.. or even less. LIke what pardeep said, i cannot see through anything. i even quit hip-hop already.. I really wonder if i'll ever be able to be with ONE thing/person for good. The only things that i really really treasure are my digital babies... Laptop, cellphone, Sony-walkman.. I take really good care of them and never get bored.. mayb i'll need a robot for companion instead.. Can constantly upload software, change settings, add this, minus that at my whims and fancy... Well, we'll see how long japan takes to come up with it...
I receive comments that i think too much.
Really? What does it mean to "think too much"?
Being too sensitive, reading too much into things or just being aware of the surroundings? Being aware of how other people feel, being aware of the lessons to be learn behind each experience, being aware of my own feelings, growth, etc?
Or is it just enough to get pass each day? Going through the motion, living each day as it comes. Enjoy and forget.
I cannot imagine being the latter, to just experience and not further analysis. To just do and stop at execution. Every act, decision actually amounts to something, every consequence, good or bad, there is a lesson to be learned. Every story that someone tells you, tell you something more about that person and something that you can benefit from. So much information and each story has so many perspectives to it. How can anyone just live life and watch everything pass by everyday?
I refuse to become like an animal... Which doesn't have the power to reason. Like some youngsters that i see... Completely oblivious to the world. Believe that the world revolves around them. They seemed to have completely lost their ability to see beyond execution. Like a puppet, they are manipulated - be it by parents, teachers or fashion, media, friends etc. When they think they are breaking out of a box (parents' care) they walk into another cell (Media). When they defy for the sake of defying, thinking it proves their acting on their own free-will, they are actually proving how ignorant, childish and give parents every reason not to trust them.
My sister pointed out that i might have been one of them when i was their age.
I didn't.
I had certain principles that i carried through till today.
I can be bad, but I must be able to answer to myself. I can do bad, but at the end of the day, i must be responsible for it. There are somethings i'll never do. Friends are important but i make a conscious decision not to be affected by their likes/dislikes.
Over the years, these became clear to me. I do hope the same applies for those lost sheep out there...
Regards
WR
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Donkey years since i last post anything here...
Just found out from a friend that he actually bothered checking my blog, thank you very much...
Not exactly feeling on top of the world right now, probably that's why i decided to blog :9
Been experiencing some of the most havoc times in my life thus far.. Seeing so many things, getting to know people.. Learning the ropes of relating to people and yet not revealing too much of my inner thoughts..
I'm putting myself through some sort of training... to try and shed the last bit of emotions in me... To learn how to compartmentalize my life. To put emotions aside whenever i have to. To master the ability to say "Life goes on" and mean it...
And today just put a big fat F on my report card for this training. The past still affects me, somehow. Not great impact.. but still, this bit of impact shouldn't even exist in the first place.. His leaving early, was for the best. It was then, it still is now.
Few days ago, i pondered about my current situation. Do i really want to be doing what i am doing right now? Am i really in control of what i am doing? What do i want out of them?
I insisted that i really want to be rid of troublesome emotions and any chance of serious relationship.
She told me that it was impossible, because at the end of the day, girls want to be in some form of fruitful relationship, whereby there is someone they can return to. I used to yearn that.. I used to work towards that in every r/s.. It just gets boring/tiring/exhausting emotionally.. To try and not work out. to try again and not work out again. why? to achieve what?
as compared to my current position.
I see, i learn, i practice.
The interesting people i meet.
The commitment, or lack thereof.
There are the good and the bad.
At this hour when i need to run to someone, i find no one around me... But this is another thing for me to learn... To pick myself up when i fall.. to build a happiness that is not dependable on another. That is real happiness.. That is independent happiness that i can achieve.
rah. signing off...
Just found out from a friend that he actually bothered checking my blog, thank you very much...
Not exactly feeling on top of the world right now, probably that's why i decided to blog :9
Been experiencing some of the most havoc times in my life thus far.. Seeing so many things, getting to know people.. Learning the ropes of relating to people and yet not revealing too much of my inner thoughts..
I'm putting myself through some sort of training... to try and shed the last bit of emotions in me... To learn how to compartmentalize my life. To put emotions aside whenever i have to. To master the ability to say "Life goes on" and mean it...
And today just put a big fat F on my report card for this training. The past still affects me, somehow. Not great impact.. but still, this bit of impact shouldn't even exist in the first place.. His leaving early, was for the best. It was then, it still is now.
Few days ago, i pondered about my current situation. Do i really want to be doing what i am doing right now? Am i really in control of what i am doing? What do i want out of them?
I insisted that i really want to be rid of troublesome emotions and any chance of serious relationship.
She told me that it was impossible, because at the end of the day, girls want to be in some form of fruitful relationship, whereby there is someone they can return to. I used to yearn that.. I used to work towards that in every r/s.. It just gets boring/tiring/exhausting emotionally.. To try and not work out. to try again and not work out again. why? to achieve what?
as compared to my current position.
I see, i learn, i practice.
The interesting people i meet.
The commitment, or lack thereof.
There are the good and the bad.
At this hour when i need to run to someone, i find no one around me... But this is another thing for me to learn... To pick myself up when i fall.. to build a happiness that is not dependable on another. That is real happiness.. That is independent happiness that i can achieve.
rah. signing off...
Saturday, January 13, 2007
random post again... no particular topic in mind. Lately I've learned once again to question myself "is this what i want to do" "what do you want out of this" constantly challenging my actions/inactions, perhaps over analysing somethings.. Over some conversation with my frens, i was forced to face myself, my actions. Forced to find this inner me that have been pulling the strings thus far.
At this stage, the last thing anyone can do is to slot what he or she has done nicely into "good" and "bad"... I'm no exception. All that i asked for, is to be able to answer myself this qn "will i regret my decision?"
When i came home one particular clubbing day, instead of being tipsy, i was too sober... And i told myself this "I'd rather walk away feeling bad for having done something, than regret not doing it." Many things must be clouding ur mind now, bout what could have happened at the club for me to think that. Simple, i did the supposedly 'correct' thing and come home regretting it. Why den i wanted to do that so bad? Beats me, perhaps i was never an angel to begin with?
To me right now, there is only two states i'm choosing between: "being happy" or "unhappy". If my happiness doesn't affect anyone else directly, i'm going ahead with it. And even for short lived ones.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He saw an angel in me, carved out the wings so i could fly...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
another angel has seen the wings that escaped me... He told me it has been there, waiting for me to flap it..
I'm the one weighing myself down..
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When am i finally going to let my head rule..
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ever heard of the frog prince? I've heard of the story where an urban lady, who was cynical and claimed no longer believe in love, kissed a frog upon much persuasion fro him. And she became a frog too...
Freaky?
Story of my life - I claimed to have given up.. All that i've given up, is hope in any real relationship. I still try to feel love, to find someone to love. But there's an sub-conscious effort to look for it in the wrong places. Telling myself that if there isn't a future, there is nothing to worry about, that i won't be hurt because the end can been seen, the end is already in place..
But in truth? Maybe i'm just hurting myself more. Maybe sub-consciously i've never gotten over C, that i've been trying to triumph the pain of that r/s, so that i can move on. Maybe I just want to expose myself to more pain so that i can finally give up hope, for real. Maybe I just don't care and don't wish to follow the book anymore, because there was no reaching the pot of gold for me..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You maybe a challenge.. He maybe some comfort. But definitely not love.. Definitely not the way that i've learned it to be. But that's all that i want/need at this moment or maybe for good.
Drama mama, i hear..
Emo, i hear..
Almost 4 years since we parted... I really wondered how it would have turned out if we didn't part.. We'll probably still break up later part, because of the gap, the difficulties.. But at least i tried.
Why does an emo entry always ends with him??
argh...
Good night
At this stage, the last thing anyone can do is to slot what he or she has done nicely into "good" and "bad"... I'm no exception. All that i asked for, is to be able to answer myself this qn "will i regret my decision?"
When i came home one particular clubbing day, instead of being tipsy, i was too sober... And i told myself this "I'd rather walk away feeling bad for having done something, than regret not doing it." Many things must be clouding ur mind now, bout what could have happened at the club for me to think that. Simple, i did the supposedly 'correct' thing and come home regretting it. Why den i wanted to do that so bad? Beats me, perhaps i was never an angel to begin with?
To me right now, there is only two states i'm choosing between: "being happy" or "unhappy". If my happiness doesn't affect anyone else directly, i'm going ahead with it. And even for short lived ones.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He saw an angel in me, carved out the wings so i could fly...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
another angel has seen the wings that escaped me... He told me it has been there, waiting for me to flap it..
I'm the one weighing myself down..
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When am i finally going to let my head rule..
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ever heard of the frog prince? I've heard of the story where an urban lady, who was cynical and claimed no longer believe in love, kissed a frog upon much persuasion fro him. And she became a frog too...
Freaky?
Story of my life - I claimed to have given up.. All that i've given up, is hope in any real relationship. I still try to feel love, to find someone to love. But there's an sub-conscious effort to look for it in the wrong places. Telling myself that if there isn't a future, there is nothing to worry about, that i won't be hurt because the end can been seen, the end is already in place..
But in truth? Maybe i'm just hurting myself more. Maybe sub-consciously i've never gotten over C, that i've been trying to triumph the pain of that r/s, so that i can move on. Maybe I just want to expose myself to more pain so that i can finally give up hope, for real. Maybe I just don't care and don't wish to follow the book anymore, because there was no reaching the pot of gold for me..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You maybe a challenge.. He maybe some comfort. But definitely not love.. Definitely not the way that i've learned it to be. But that's all that i want/need at this moment or maybe for good.
Drama mama, i hear..
Emo, i hear..
Almost 4 years since we parted... I really wondered how it would have turned out if we didn't part.. We'll probably still break up later part, because of the gap, the difficulties.. But at least i tried.
Why does an emo entry always ends with him??
argh...
Good night
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