My sister-in-law Kim reminded me last week that she finally posted to her blog. It had been over a year. Then she laughed at me and said that she didn't feel so bad because I hadn't posted in that long, either. So here I am. It is an early Sunday morning and I am in quiet reflection of all the things that have happened in 2010. I think that the year can be summed up in three words. Chill. Change. Grow.
CHILL.
I really love all the seasons.. but, my most favorite season is Fall. I love the smell, the crisp leaves, the changing colors. I am a little reluctant to embrace winter because it means the beautiful earthy colored leaves on the trees are gone for another year. Yet it isn't very long before I can see the beauty in the white blankets of snow, layered clothes, beautiful horizons, and snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes. Winter brings sledding, snow skiing, snow men, snow angels, warm fires, hot chocolate, hot cider, and the holidays. My girls and I really enjoy so much of that together. When I look back at the tail end of 2009, I remember a fabulous Christmas morning and a great impromptu trip to Disneyland with my girls. Last winter I taught my girls how to snow ski. I collected some gear and took them up to Alta to try it out. Needless to say... about 20 minutes in on our first adventure out, we were the comic relief of the area. My two beginner skiers with a silly mom = all of us laughing and covered from head to toe in snow. Yet, as the season continued, we became more comfortable and tried new slopes and learned new skills. Santa brought me a snowboard, so the girls and I were all the sudden together at the same level carving on the bunny hills all trying to figure it out. My time on the slopes skiing with my girls last season holds a place very close to my heart
On a personal level, the winter brought an awareness of my own storms. I faced a lot of chilling events earlier in the 2009 year that resulted in me turning my once warm heart to a vacillating cold one. Just as winter can end the cycle of annual plants, my heart faced the death and mourned the loss of possibilities of a different future. The details don't matter as much as what I allowed the cold season to do to me... it was taking away and freezing up the best parts of me. In the past, I just wanted to escape it all. And although this was at one point my deepest desire, there was a defining moment that helped me realize that this wouldn't work anymore. So, I created some thick boundaries to keep myself protected from life's storms and began to write out a plan of goals for me and the girls for 2010. I knew I needed to embrace change and I needed to be the one to create it.
CHANGE....
I really like Michael Jackson's music and I used to choreograph dances and practice dance technique with my dance students to it all the time. One of my favorite songs is "Man in the Mirror." The lyrics have never been more poignant in my life than they were last December.
Once I decided to turn 180 degrees and face what was going on in my life, set the goals, and do the work... I was able to "See the Change" I was hoping for. I find it amazing that I realized that I wasn't lost... I had just merely forgotten who I was. My biggest hold up was that I slipped into thought processes that took me away from the productive thoughts of who I am, who I've always been, and what I always wanted for my family. I can say that Family has never meant more to me today than it ever has in my life. I have a deeper love for my kids that I didn't even think was possible to get... but I did. I have so many aspirations and things that I want to do. I am not even close to being perfect.. and I am still doing work... but I find power in the awareness and acceptance of the work accomplished this past year. In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I will share a few of the goals and accomplishments in 2010.
Some of the Family Goals Defined in December that have been Accomplished in 2010:
Donate girl's hair to locks of love, family visit to Aunt Paula in Las Vegas, family visit to my sister Heather in Texas (go to Johnson Space Center & San Antonio River Walk, Sea World), family beach trip, boating outings, teach girls how to wakeboard, family snow-skiing, family sledding, family ice-skating, go to a baseball game, establish a solid routine, family fishing outing, family canoeing outing, go to a Children's Museum, go to Zions, go through Timpanogas Cave, go to a football game, family cabin trip, ride a tandem bike together, watch the Utah Symphony perform as a family, go horseback riding, family Legoland trip, give service as a family for others, go to an art museum, go to Disney on Ice, Thanksgiving Point Tulip festival, lots of swimming together, Cowabunga Bay, go in the hot tub while it is snowing, sign Sophie up for piano lessons, go to a dance concert, family camping trip, learn spanish as a family, update 72 hour kits, assess family spirituality on Sundays, and read scriptures together as a family.
Some of my Personal Goals defined in December and Accomplished in 2010:
Discover a way to stay home with my girls during their summer break while still providing for my family, make a job transition to humanitarian sector, travel to NYC with friends, take a memory course, increase vocabulary, read at least 12 books/year (one a month), focus on solution-based thinking skills, learn leadership skills, define who I am as a woman and what I stand for, practice crucial conversations skills, join a mastermind group, make decisions based on my core values, pray/meditate daily, invest in who I work with, run in the Wasatch Back Ragnar Relay race with my sister (added perk ...girls ran the last 100 yards with me and my team across the finish line), volunteer regularly at the Elementary, hike Mt. Timpanogas, hike Mt. Olympus, learn how to leverage light-heartedness to manage stress and acquire art to support it, increase love, service, and selflessness to my daughters, my parents, my grandma, and my friends....and so on. I have so many other goals I've accomplished to help me spiritually, emotionally, mentally, socially, physically, and professionally. I found that as I started down this path, new goals and new methods to achieve goals and success jumped in my path. It is no accident that for work, I am the main lead of a software development project for Ascend Alliance Humanitarian that the CEO named "See the Change." It launches early 2011.
Here are just a few of the many pics taken of these milestones this past year.
GROW.
My girls have grown so much this past year. Sophie's feet will be fitting in my shoes before I know it. She is growing taller and out of clothes by the minute. She was baptized this year, got new contacts, growing out her bangs, took piano, is stellar at soccer, loves playing on the computer with her sister, and is quite the little care-taker for our dog Gus. She is still the snuggler of the family and is now creating 'snuggle tickets.' I just love it when she leaves me cute love notes. She is particular with the books she reads. She is wanting her independence more and more. It shows in her wanting to cook breakfast in the morning, texting with her cell phone, specifying what she wants to do with me during her one-on-one time, telling me her latest jokes, and intently focusing on the techniques and terminology of the "Cake Boss." Despite the independence, she still keeps me in arms reach so she can rub the back of my cold arms, snuggle during a movie, or curl up close to me while we chat, sing songs, and say prayers at night. Tangled is currently her favorite movie.
Emma is also growing. She is getting smarter, more creative, artistic, and athletically talented. She got her ears pierced this year. She is the monkey of the family and is constantly making herself laugh over things and flipping over the couch. She and Sophie are both taking tumbling and doing really well with it. She cut her bangs and is already growing them out. Emma graduated from her shredded knit blanket to a new one. She is still into anything sparkly, barbies, clothes, shoes, lipsticks, and her stash of stuffies. I have never seen any child go to sleep with more stuffed animals in my life (at least 10). This year she started saying prayers for her stuffed elephant "Ellie." She changes her voice into this high pitched squeal when she does it. Most nights it requires my 100% focal effort to keep myself from busting up in the middle of it all.
This past year, I've done my own growing. I really focused on three words which has brought the warmth back in my heart. Gratitude. Namaste. Genshai. Like the grinch, I think through learning and living these three words, my heart has grown three sizes. It has been one of the most productive years of my life. I am not perfect at all my goals... but what I see and what I celebrate is that I have improved....and so has my little family. I am a better mom. I am a better friend. I am a better co-worker. I am better in relationships. I am a better leader and I am a better woman. Since I've started changing what I want to create, I've met new friends, attracted new business opportunities, and created a depth of character that I didn't have before. I can't say that everything is perfect or that things are ideal. They aren't. Yet, I find strength and success as I choose to focus on the positive, stick to solutions, and focus on what is working. I find gratitude in the events and people put in my path to help me on this journey we call life. I look forward to more growth, look forward to a fun holiday season, and have high hopes for 2011.
Happy Holidays Friends!
