Digital camera!!

digital camera
m: multiple changes ...

wow brought a digital cam at PS today with my sis and her bf haha!! hmm... 350 xia!! my sis paid 50 ... i pay the remainding haha.. but nvm, tmr my bros paying some of the share LOL... gdgd, not that xiong afterall ... hmm then to judo at katong.. hmm some things that i supect actually turn to a fact-_-" hmm i thought those suspect was that i think too much but it wasn't so... things actually happen where i nv expect it to be truth... friendship ... relationship ... they are fragile...
So far i hav met/saw 5 kinda relationship ba, the possive, lonely,compeitive, freedom, consideration type hmm might be too harsh but i don noe how to put it in other words... think there's somemore ba... possive type was those who are selfish and always thinking that she/he only belong to he/her self ... not to others , if the partner give in... lotsa unnessary sacrifices will be make..family, friendship might be wreck .. next the l type .. hmm... they get into relationship for the sake of it, just asking for companion, having assurance by having the name 'steady' there, sometimes willing to give in everything just to keep a broken ship going... competitive type, those who want to go steady with someone for the sake that she/he is pretty and handsome, being court by many, having the mind set that winning her/him is proving that he/she is more capable then others, this kind is usually short lasting... as there's always someone appear more prettier/handsome ...hmm freedom ? people who usual belive in fate of love, chemistry between two, it might be short but also long lasting, this depend on how both work it out, letting nature take it course, beliving that things change as time passes.. consideration type, opposite of possive they alway think about her/him if making a move(going out...), they are good but just that they think too much, they tend to belive what they foresee is true, what they think is true, therefore hesitate, which resulted to he/her think that they guy/ger doesn't seem to care anymore having the facts that they do ... beliving in giving freedom, alway think about the consequense... things didn work out ... still ended with misunderstanding...things needa change... me too ..
back to training... losing lotsa morale today... i think too much about my weight.. losing much of my strength too... i doesn't seem as active as the past ... seem like the lose in vitality ... no life again ? omG!! haiz ... having the mindset of will i able to made it for ivp? sensei koseiki told me how to gain weight ... drinking protein in the morning, don eat sweet stuffs, more chicken ... lolz thanks .=). took pic with LH, sensei koseiki and vincent ... lol with my new cam .. muhahha !! cooking pasta late at night, craving for it... super late dinner ...
not forgetting a big THANK YOU to zY the butt of mine for ya spiderman !! =) thanks i like this present =)

it's a SPECIAL day 2 me!!

a special day of mine!!
m: sunshine

although early in the morning went to work(saw pris on the MRT!!=) ) , facing a attitude but funny customer.. then hav extended working hours from 1800 till 1900 ... ate the remainder of the buffet left by the guests.. yummY !! but then stomachache sometime later ... haha... have a simple celebration for me by my da ger and da jies from GWP hotel !! M, X hui, LT ... first time spending birthday with friends... went eating pasta mania and then singing!! first time singing in karaoke =) heeZz thanks for everythings guySs =) haha.. also saw jas mei at cine there, haha she shout happy birthday to me haha lol... thanks=) oh YA not forgetting a special twin of mine !! having the same birthday as me ... hahaz exactly 1 year younger then me wor!! we were like asking for each other prezzie from one another.. haha don worry on the 31st u will get ur's ... LOL... 1st to greet me this year was my buddies from WGP!! also the 'twin' of mine lol... then from cindy, ug, gabe, micheal, mayfen, stella lao ma, lenna, JY and hider.... more to go !! NOT forgetting the special butt of mine ZY!!! =) it's the thoughts that u guys rem and take the effort to wish me=) and some which celebrate with me!! touched ... haha receive presents from RP judo, sis heeZz an special year of mine ... i hav grown ... felt the diff in life , in the world experience a bad side of mine myself... the days, experiences ....
'with them ard ... i will be able to stand firmly on the ground'
'admire someone, wanting to be with them.... but it's diff from being with them... it might not be that perfect as u thought he or she is, he/she/i might not be able to provide the needs from he/she/me... reality is diff from what u thought...not really.. it takes time to stand up from a fall, it takes time to heal... IT TAKE TIME TO LEARN... and it take time to be ready... i am not ready for those relationship thingy i guess... i have too much commitment in other things... if i have one i will have the one who understand me, my thoughts, the inner of me but in this world i doubt so.. only few.. but things just turn out to be too late... cos the past is the story, might be his, her or my ... the present is doesn't allow things to turn back ... only allowing things to happen ...
stars = those who mean alot to me, special to me ....
tmr... having lunch with my lao jiao ci cindy and HO garfield lol and dinner with uncle dad, family ... my dad? he doesn't seem to care... not even a word... back to the past where my dad don exist in my life ? a dad = no father ?

a major turning in life

a major turning in my life
22/12/2005


the one who lead
the one who teach

buddism, christianity

plz plz i am confuse ...
Over the years in my life, i have been learning and following the teaching of buddism...all in the sudden with a rise of hand and i became a christian? my sub conscious did that... the within me... which made me blur too...renewal centre ... Is that the religion that suit me the most ? for what i am? just like mr seong did(finding the suitable religion?),like having the a strong sense of belonging to the earth ? the mother nature?
I always belive that buddha, gods, juesus are heros, they did incredible things to mankind, savlage, teaching ... now above everything there's god, one who created mankind? beliving in these solves lots of questions i alway ponder ever since the past, how was the earth form, how was the very first human form?beliving in the existence wanting to know more ..
can i be a free thinker who belives in all religion ?
for whatever ... whoever...
just be who i am... my ideal character of me myself !! yeah!!
-determination
-responsible
-selfless
- free from greed, anger and ignorance
THE wise man ... LOLZ jkjk
reminder to myself...!!
goals to achieves ..
in life ...
-save lifes
short term
-win judo IVP!!
-3.6 GPA for sem 2 !
-becoming a life guard

another stage of life

another stage of life
:unknown

3rd - 14th dec
Sch holiday
: NPCC (NCO training camp)
: OBS 9'days
: life saving training

NPCC camp 02 days
: late in the morning due to sleeping too late the night before , busy preparing the presentation for those lecture. A good teacher? i guess i am not. for 2 days giving lecture continuously. it's hard, unable to keep my spirit up.sometimes just felt that i am not doing a good job as a CI, have those knowledge passed down to those cadets? how am i going to enforce it? how to become a good teacher? how to become a good leader? how to become a good CI ? tired. sometimes just thinking that why am i still serving in NPCC, moreover it's not my own sec sch but other. Y? thinking back, i become a CI to repay what my sec sch have given me, a sign of gratitude from my CIs that have mould me, making the unit grow. but now serving other unit. a sign of gratitude from the NPCC itself? i have other dreams to fufill, other goals to achieve, but why am i doing all this?

OBS 09 days
: a room of unknown to a group of hi bye friends .. now i got the meaning of hi bye friends. Friendship, which doesn't seem to be exist to some.

day 01
- ice breaking, logistic stuffs, evening PT (2.4)
all unfimilar faces, only know some ppl from the ALC. i change to be selfish ? evening time run 2.4 wow! long time din run .. fun!brought 2 shoes one too small ... instructor: belinder!! and hiap lun
02
- PT, high element, logistic, PT(4.8), tent pitching ...
PT the running of 2.4 with timing taken, i came in the 3rd of all, the timing was very lousy, 13.32, but the ber say tat all timing was slower compare when running in school becos of the terrain, up and down and muddy, the first JW has a timing of 10.3 plus i guess lolz he damn pro chiong all the way, sprint all lehz !! haha then 2nd was N 5 sec before me ... high element, i climb to the greatest !! at a look it seem easy to achieve but after taken the first step the fear came in. achieving the greatest height with my partner YR, thanks for her for not giving up with me !! lol... pulling you up is my responsibility as a team, cos we have to achieve together as a team=) PT running 4.8 Km, running as a whole watch, hmm rather slow for me, end up running behind encouraging others with JW.
03
-PT, mini kayaking expeitition, PT (6)
morning PT, 2.4 personal timing again. no strength to run xia... again came in 3rd, the first was the same but the second was a girl !! hahaz i lose to her but few second, she was great, basketball women, MVP somemore, no wonder, lotsa determination could be seen in her. thanks to her, my timing improve by a few second 10.25 lol! mini kaya xp, my partner was S hmm, quite fun, everything was great, then became the port side of the formation. Evening PT 6 Km run ... lol, doing the same thing again, running behind encouraging others. doesn't felt tired at all..
04
-land xp
land xp around ubin, went to the highest point of ubin and german girl shine. learn about the history of those. helping others but will they know? will they show gratitude to what u have done? NO!!! sianzation, people just take things for granted
05
-solo camp out
all alone in the forest, having the commando mosquitoes as companion and a spooky chair. thinking of the past, those people who have taught me important values.
06,07,08
-sea xp, 9k run
sea xp, the reveal of the bad side of me during the part of towing when channel crossing... i was totally drained out..felt angry about my weakness(body size), felt helpless...some people around does care... portside, in my point of view: to be the first to show the marking, also to be the last to show the marking. choinging up and slowing down with no more momentem ...
9k run, just after the finishing of the sea xp...at first targeted 45 min to complete it. however halfway there, felt the foods i eaten during lunch comig up, feel like vomitting, wearing a shoes that is too small for me, hard to continue manz!! continue till the turining back part, walk all the way back haha ... slack .. only a few people overtake me, lesser then i expected, came in 7th
09
-confidence jumping
everything come to an end. with a final sharing of the highest point and lowest point of the camp also what u have learn. highest point , the achieving of high element? lowest point, sea xp? what i have learn ' be the nobody where everybody thought somebody will do it but nobody did it' ' don thinki things that way, then it is not that way, just do it .. ' and finally a word i have learn, Understanding ...

Life saving
went to lifesaving lesson after the 9 days camp... worn out manz!... but learn alot about life from richard, 'things get complicated as u grow ... not avioding it but learn how to manage it.'

' how i wish life is just as simple as i thought ...'

sensitive religion

religion matters
w: typical

Wow!! learn alot from mr seong about christianity teaching, as i wonder about evolution theory, how was human first created? by chances of micro organisim ?or simply because god create him? thinking about it, if it is form by the chances of micro organisms, then how did micro organisms first created? then how was earth first created? even till how were the universe created? why did big bang occured? from 1 questions, to 10, till even hundred or million? who was able to answer it? the scientific theory? or just simply one answer, 'god created everything?' hmmm, i find so much similarities to this teacher/officer of mine, he's also a capricon! ahahz means that he's birth date is near to mine? he has a v strong beliefs in doing things, wanting to benefit mankind? ... moving on to the histories of jews, islam and christian, till even protest and catholic the differences and similarities, but was still unable to find the link between buddishism and christian, why i want to find the link about them? cos i find that in both of this religion,people are good. however, i always belives in their teachings but not till the extent of obcess by it, i belive in freeedom and own will, that's me. i belives that religion is something which gives u the power in doing things when u belive in it,they give u confidence, determination. teachers around me, my judo sensei s, npcc officer.. they are successful in life, and they are christian, y ? strong beliefs ? i hope to find the answer one day?

' they exist before, do they exist now?'

091105

091105
m:breezy

-a hope that leading me towards my dream
-loss of breathing skill = no stamina
-good lucks for all taking o eng tmr =)

bad throat days!!

31/10
m: sunnY =)

wah sick!! i cant talk .. don noe what happen to my voice loss in the sudden, now i got problem speak, almost the same as a dumb person.. sianZz i want to talk!!wah cant talk during presentation, cant express myself through words!! damM!! holY coW~~MoooOooo ytd was a great day with zy, this buddy always brighten up my life.. hmm, nvm things will get fine soon. grow up !! wake up!! wah.. must chiong more work , earn more money then mum has less burden, also mus study hard !! and continue my way towards my dreams,tired? rest enough le, the crake? let go liao(thanks to alot people ard me) and once again i am standing firm on my feets.Flung 4 out 5 of my understanding tests, the next coming one mus study hard!!A! there's ppl who look down on me( i will prove to u guys that i am stronger), also people who hav being suppoting my soul lol.. yeah !! tomorrow sch holiday.. GOT LIFE SAVING SESSION tomorrow, i am going to swim more tomorrow and get stronger physically and mentally!!
MY short term goals
- get more As!!
-more understanding about biology
-improve in JUDO tacnic!!
-improve in my swimming skill!!

'beliving in myself, in my own ability, soon i shall prove something to the world with my determination!!' 'saving lifes in the future'

zhang zhi cheng - kuai le (nice song)thanks

25102005

25102005

-think too much abt her
-flung my U test for communication 21/10(pass up a almost blank paper, no mood useless )
-looking into a clearer picture of it (i was wrong)
-everything was not impt, feel like knowing ur feeling about me, for me to choose my path in life...
-saw LScoach after his major operation, i feel sad for him, he undergo what i hav gone through but his is more painful, cos i op when i was young, i rem nth, but him rem the fear...
-'u willing to teach me, i will to learn' ' u willling to coach me, i am willing to train'
-looking forward tomorrow, a better day
-tell myself 'if i live tomorrow, i wan to care for those who care for me, move towards i dreaming for, live with a smiles ard me... cos i am lucky, since i am given this day, i shall not waste it...i nv wan to dream of that my tomorrow might not come.. '

the two side

19102005

raining heavily

break le

injured neck..

181005

181005
: dark cloud over the sun

-RP
-Today's A102 was interesting
- lifesaving( loner)
- SAS poster design
- UT prep

today's school, i felt fufillful as i really so into the understanding of the hybridisation!! i finally understand it!! hohoho.. hmm then went to life saving which no one turn out for the extra training, even the one who ask me to go... so disapointed...swim myself lolz.. omg !! guess wat? i met a gay!! shitty ! when i was resting at the pool side he talk to me, what's more was he stalked me even ask me for dinner... HOLY COW~~~ hmm then went onto train, lucky sitting beside me was ger xia .. phew ... linz's moody... why ? i don noe ... wat can i do to make u happy?

141005

141005
>dark cloud hanging over the sky

-slack at home
-night cycling with j and tiong

don feel like doing anything, therefore i did nth, think nth, all i did was sleeping, stoning ... no life, cant figure out...

holy cow~~

131005
still air, motionless

-RP
-Rp judo
-mac with choon hong

Sianzation !! hmmm, today, in a team that TBDN ( talk but do nth) ... hmmm, ate nasi bryani before training, shiok manz.. filling up my hungary stomach. Today's judo, uji komi 1 set 20, moving uji komi, moving kata randori, physical games, randori and finally na waza randori.. hmm.. not that siong after all, maybe i was too slack in training ? i want to improve, but it seems that i was stuck at the level, unable to find ways up... sometimes i really felt that we were living in our own world, i don't understand you, neither do u understand me, i hope that i can read your mind but i cant... i wonder... tell me how ? hmm ... linz 'really hope to see you happy again'... i felt tired and useless... ' seeing ur's smiles brights my sky up', ' in this world, when/how many will one find someone that understand him/her? the star that belongs ?'

120905

120905
m: bright sun shinning down the clear blue sky

-RP
-Kjudo
-met ZY

hahazZ, started with a sleepy morning, dragging my way to school. Today's team was fun!! hahaz, the more talkative team i ever met so far in my new class... we were crapping !! hohoho.. LOL stupid SH mistook my 'sis' as my gf, lolz as always, she's baka ... jkjk.. next judo training, wah!! siong lehz, so much physical.. hahaz, but i like it... chiong chiong chiong, finally a siong training... hahaz i am going to improve!! cos i have good teachers, and good partners.. ! hmm, met ZY today, pass her the water bag.. hahaz nth changes in her.. hmm linz still worring about her result, what can i do ? if she worry = moody = unhappy = affect ME ... haizZ, hey i having a start in drving towards my dreams!! good results, excel in judo !! " when i belives, i will be there " - k6i

111005

111005
back to the past
m: cloudy

-RP
-President at RP
-visiting lifesaving instructor (CGH)

Today, a intresting lesson i had, finally, a facilitator that teaches, she tried to clear my doubts about obital electrons which was something not needed for this lesson, although she was unsuccessful in clearing my doubts, but she earn my respect from my heart. Thanks for not giving up, it's probably that i am too slow in understand things. Then after lesson, follow the lifesaving IG to welcome the president. Then slack in the library till the night as we have to wait for james for his floorball compeition and then we went to CGH to visit richard( our lifesaving coach) as he just has an operation to remove the don noe wat thing in his don noe wat organ. hahaz , cant remember.seeing him like that make me think that i am lucky compared to him, although i has 3 operation in my life, but i don have any memories about it, i cant emember anything about the operation, nothing at all, probably because it was done when i was young. This also reminds me that i am not that healthy compare to others, confidence level drop, the limit i can stretch might not be as far to others physically. hmm, today linz took her maths and sciences paper, she thinks that she did badly for it, but such things as long as u has tried your best can le , the rest i think still have to rely it on fate/luck. Looking back, i gone the hard way through, eversince i posted to eastview, my life seem to be decided. from primary to secondary, then wanting to take bio ended up taking art(i finally manage to pass my english but failed my maths), from then onwards, i understand that as long as u have tried your best, you should be happy over it, everythings i do, i tried my best, yes i failed once, twices, even thrice, or more, yes i failed, but i wldn regret, i understand more about how to achieves it. Even posted to art class, i didn give up(as i think that will be the worse thing can happen in life- giving up in urself) , i was unsatisfied with the posting , why am i posted to the last class? although posted to last class, i always tried to top in the class, keeping myself compeitive with other classes( although i might mean nth to them) but at least i tried, there i go, ended up in republic poly, if i have give up , i sld be in ite by now or even becoming a useless person. ' although might not achieve, at least i tried, leaving no regrets behind' i hope linz could understand this, sometimes, somethings might not just the way u wanted to, there might be more efforts needed, might be more thoughts needed...since we are still breathing, let's continue the journey and not stopping here and ponder over it 'leaving those footsteps behind, and not just the thought of stepping over it' originated by k6i ...

091005

091005
m:breezy

-slack home
-work shilin

Today? slack the half day home, ytd night used the whole night to do the camp proposer, sianz... NO LIFE.. haha.. hmm last day at shilin.. BYE guys, take care!! home- dark sauce egg fry rice by ME.. not bad after all.. wow, my brother brought protein power, amazing, but it taste suckY .. dad give me $50 for allowance, suprised, cos he don does that in the past.. hmm hope to see linz on wed...'life have to goes on as things gonna changes' - k6i

071005

071005
m:v cloudy

-RP
-discussion abt camp
-meet JJ

Today's team, is good, better then the past few days, everyone doing something. nth much to say. tired. met cin for discussion abt dec nco camp, broke her thumbdrive, brought a new one. sianz, unexpected expenses. I don like things that is complicated, just like nowadays with the new wci just joined, hmmm things seem to get complicated.haiz my 1st week grade seem to be dissapointing , suffering from depression LOL. no la .. now i just want my life with Judo and study, and work. I guess i will stop going to NP after the campcraft compeition. v tired so many things to do. 'i hope to accompany u till the day we walk till the edge of the earth' linz
i feel like killing !! don noe why v sian, cos of npcc, make me so sian. 'things are complicated until u understand it, they become simple'

061005

061005

-RP
-RP Judo

Fun day!! hahaz CH came for judo training !! muhaha , didnt go for astro... guess i quitting soon ? hmm haven made up my mind. what tactic shld i focus in judo ? anyway guess what i saw my future!! hahah An 5 years degree from NTU, biological science , combination of the studies of chinese and western medicne !! so motivated to study 'At the end of the 5 years, successful students will receive two degrees, a B.Sc. (Hons.) in Biomedical Sciences and a B.Med. in Chinese Medicine.' Wa!! cOol!! biomedical sci NTU... haha, save save ... lol.. they also accept my dipolma !! i have a chance.. ' saw it!! path it- reach it'

011005

011005
fridaY
m:breezy

-WGP
-edit edit edit psn

Lame and tiring day ...

RESULTS AND CLASS IS OUT!!
result, 4B+ and 1B(satisfy, hehe, reaching for higher!! I AM GREEDY) , sem 2 target = 5B+
class, PS0105 (yeaH!! no more mountain climbing early in the morning !!)

current schdule
mon-RP, WSL
Tues-RP, RPLifeSaving
Wed- RP, KJudo
Thurs- RP, RPJudo, RPAstro
Fri- RP, (WGP)
Sat- NPCC,(WGP or KJudo)
Sun- WSL

=sianz, some life
stress lehz, almost suffocated... should i quit my work in shilin ?I WANT TO QUIT MANz!! thinking thinking thinking
Reduce commitment ... damn it
Didn bother goin to the bbq, tired ...
happy birthday to HL ...
hope linz will see a doctor, and be happy...

290905

290905
m: cloudy

-RPJ

Had a terrible dream last night, dreamt of someone impt to me left me in the sudden.. the dream make me thought of it the whole day round. wakeY late, late for judo training.. my throws sucks!! i cant excute properly.. kata randori partner with raft, cant throw him properly becos of my stupid leg.. then follow by demo, learn kata guruma but still unable to excute it properly.. then tamoe naga.. Then when to collect shirt.. took 33 from queenway to bedok, didn bother to change to mrt, 1.5 hrs trip, lotsa thoughts went through my mind...a thoughts of k6i.. 'i exist here because of fate'.... finally finishing the disc ...

280905

280905
w:breezy
m: cloudy

- katong judo

linz is unhappy today, so as i... hmm guess she's stress about exams, going into the bioclass, and over the stuffs happening in her family ? I cant guess what's on her mind ... gers thought are so deep... today's judo lesson was interesting!! combination tatics !! from , ko ouchi gari to osoto gari, osoto gari to uchi mata then the breaking of stiff hold- main the pull and the push in wrist follow by any tatics, still trying out the comb of ko ouchi gari to uchi mata.. 'got confidence for ivp ??' my answer to her no ... i havent reach the standard... 'find and play your style of judo!' - sensei ...

k6i 2409

another typical daY of k6i
W:biG biG suN hanging in the skY
M:aku tatawu

NPCC meeting: with 2 wcis of GV (for dec camp)
Katong Judo
Work (GWPH)

today ??? ANOTHER BORING DAY!!! yeaH!! saw linz , but she look so 'not okie' , hmm injured so long le, but still didn bother to see a doc...haiZzzzzZZzz feel like dragging her to doc manZz.. tired today... 'tomorrow mayb my last day of work in shilin', ' quit ? still thinking' heY guess wat? today's funtion was a 50th wedding anniversery of a couple !! wow, 50 years lehz.. every time i see people marry, i felt happiness for them, hmmm so when will it be my turn??

1609

mY 1st Judo compeitition
m:=(
w:sunnY

Today, i am having the first judo compeitition in my judo life( old boys vs present), saw lotsa sch mates. Today competition's results turn out unexpectedly, heavy vs light, light win, don noe wat's HB doin ... not attacking at all, playing defensive... hmm, JT play real well in winning HB... linz won her match=) before that she was still worring that she cant win... I was always look down by others as usual... hahaz... my first judo match, i was defeated by JT within 10sec ... by low seoi toshi...which i tot was a wazari, refree gave a ippon... i was a step slower in grapperling , i failed to take control in the first place... 'there's always next time, the harder u fall the firmer u'll stand...' i belive in that... i LOSE as expected...luckily the team event overall win(thanks to vincent)... one of my friend told me that actually i could win, but it seem that i has fear in me... that's true ba, after she said that i realise it myself ... went out with linz, didn tok much.. sorry linz.. then linz told me about maybe her father knowing our relationship, as her sis saw her holding onto my bag outside sch... don noe wat will happen later, hope nth serious will happen..let nature take it's course 'my love for her has got stronger ... i don noe why ...the room of heart is getting smalller ..that's nature i guess?''i love her the way she is ' ... I must get serious now, 'try the keys i found in judo, mayb they might just works' ...feel like quiting as a CI, i feel tired every now and then... unlocking the myth... 'CONTROL, FOLLOW,EXCUTE' .. everyone out there, i gonna train hard cos i will win my next judo compeitition,'that's a promise to myself' !!

ready for it?

1509
w:sunnY
m:low

Today, meet linz, mark and malaysia for katong training, when for a haircut, look more fresh now ... wanting to buy gi from sensei but he doesn't have size 4 gi then have to rush home to getmy drying gi. Today, low morale but learn alot from song lin today about randori =) thanks alot bro!! 'u let me gain some morale' what's more today ?? hmm, i felt fortunate in my life, regardless of family, friends, my linz ,i got everythings the best ? yes!! to me it is!! I have got everthing best in the world, my experiences is what others cant get=) I felt support from my friends, felt some care from my family, concern from linz and that's enough for me le, i am happy about it , no more no life!! muhahahaz... but maybe one day, everythings will be gone... cos nothing last forever... just like PL0103, everything have to serparate, one day everyone will go seperate ways, ' u go ur heaven way, i go my wood bridge way' , not becos we wanted to seprate but it's fate , it's fate that bring we together as a class... so we should treasure every moment together, be it with yr family, friends or loves one =) muhahaz 'everything can be taken away expect those memories, the things written in mystory... they live in my mind... ' OPOP , out of point... back to topic, hmmm, judo competition - old boys vs present boys , training for it but was unable to excecute my tatics correctly during randori , hmmm must think how it's work !! think think think, fight(randori) for the sake of learning not winning ... why ppl pin hopes on me ? encouraging me ? but ... i still think that i am still inexperience... nvm la ... just do it!! nothing to lose, be it win or lose, experience of it is wat matter most, ppl out there listen up!! i will try my best !! that's a promise to u guys , linz and me, myself .. i may not win but i will become stronger !! muhahahz cos i am tian cai okiee dokie ? (linz injure again, KL oso injure her shoulder , hmm hope they'll heal soon =))

1309

1309
w:rainYzz
m: from enthu to no life

when to judo training @ RP, everything were fine till the final randori session, which made me wore out totally, continously fought s faizal, then s junyi , gabby, big ball, raft, micheal, then s faizal again,they are fresh while my energy level kept depleting continously... i = totally hopeless for friday i guess... unable to concentrate, kept using the same technic, brain jus stop working... didn went to lifesaving training, too tired, both physically and mentally... lost my permenent contact ytd , brought daily contact today, cos having some constraint to buy a monthly or yearly, needa buy gi, stuffs for ophir... going dry... no life la... ' win or lose? i will still try my best for it!! '

1209

1209
W: rainY
M: no life

hmm, what's life of mine about ? so tired to think about it, have been working for 4 days consectively some more got so many events, activties going on... Back to today, went for ophir training in sch, so tiring don feel like doing it, but i done it. then went to ev judo training(saw lotsa my goodie friends, sharil, mf, jas mei ...), looking at myself = low morale for friday's comp... then went working after sending linz hm... that's all about today.. Friday playing east view's old boys vs present boys, my first judo competion in my judo life, lose how? 'no confidence= half battle lose, jj told me that b4'need some morale booster(only my own action can boost it, nth else)!! lol hahaZz hope wldn let linz down...'win with beautiful and correct tactic' Past, i live my life for others, present, living for self, FOR the future i will live my life for both others and self !! gonna get a new gi this wed, else no time to wash gi . 'if there's one day this happen, don worry, i will understand it'

lifeless

10092005
0107 hrs
w: breezy

NOT ENOUGH SLEEP,
work from 1000 -2300
felt tired..
lose concentration ..
pour a glass of water accidentally on a guest..

linz is feeling better =)
new CI posted to GVSS, from siglap..
tomorrow, npcc drill compeition, 0800 at hai sing
work 1300 - 0000
'what will happen if tomorrow never come ?'
wore out totally...

09092005

09092005
W:sunnY/ slightly drizziling
T: 0402

Today, went to the NEW water plant in bedok(a ce activity by RP), then follow by life saving till 2plus , hmm, finally some time to rest, went straight home boom !! onto the bed. skip astronomy session. Went cycling with, SL, JJ, V, ZJ and GJ,unlucky day ?? hmm, guess so.. we went to ECP then went all the way to town/city area.Took photos with stamford raffles, PS, NAC... On the way there, SL buang, rolling breakfall off the bike, no serious injuries to him, while the bike brake spoil, but then later repaired with the help of an unknown biker, thanks anyway. On the way back to tamp, we fly all the ways, vroom...!! then way back, SL tire , burst, then JJ and SL take turns to carry the bike while i lobang GJ.Finally home!! Tomorrow still got work from 1000 - 0100, 15hrs tomorrow.. another tiring day ? nono sld put it in ' another fulfilling day !! 'haiz, linz injured her chest while having kata randori with ben, hmm, y did he play so rough on girls too ? he's a bully ? well, i must beat him totally in judo !! Hope linz will recover soon=) hmm, also thanks KL's for the disc given on tues =) like those songs v much. Focus- study, Judo.. OA- work, npcc .. the rest don care, cos too tired, sori abt the JP, guess i will be quiting astronomy soon, as i find the IG was abit too complicated( in politics?) , i don noe... All i want is a simple life, with my dreams .. and fulfilling them. 'Think think think, that's what keep a person improving'

strange things

today, a boring and weird day? okie... wakey then have a 'slibing gathering' hahaz, have a talk with my bros and sis during the lunch, topic was about my mum as she was strange after that incident, well my dad have become responsible le, but my mum ? i not sure ? things seem to be flip around... i am v tired !! then went to work, from 1500 - 2200, slacking ? hahaz today i drop chicken, foods and money abnormal ... then sam told me the stupid story of shaggy , lol then ended up i keep tinking of the name shaggy then got 2 customers order and asked my age, then i blur blur told them, somemore this customers were at the age of 13 or 14 nia .. wth blur until like that...NO LIFE LA, hahaz today got to know kl experiences in life lolz, intersting and similar to mine, after so long i met another person which share the similar interest with mine lolz, hard to find ppl who listen to songs which touch feeling de. tomorrow is another day... going east view judo, cos requested by linz, lolz seeing ya !! :' being a gf of mine must be a v tough things i guess...' cos i am guy who has lotsa commitments and unable to spend time for the special ones, sorry... ' guess i needa give up on some of my interest le, but judo and npcc will still remains. 'my passion is burning' , saturday is npcc drill compeition le, hope gv can make, ' winning is not everything, the process is what matter most..'

Gone

My heart has been moved, through external factors. what's that feeling about? it's like so strong without my control. love but how to express it ? LOL no life ... the grades in sch has disappointed me recently, just like a huge fall after climbing up. everything = restart... now must think how to handle things properly. Really tired, of the current lifestyle, my mind and body were so reluctant to think and do things, guess sooner or later, will not be attending some CCAs. hmm, found a new part time(waiter) in a hotel near the far east plaza. Getting more and more busy, needa have a better time management. ' comparing... i felt inferior'

NDP preview

NDP preview

Early in the moring went for NPCC at Green View, hmm, everything was corked up as the sec 1 are not prepare with the uniform then everything was delayed. Another thing was that i was unable to cooperate well with one of the instrutor as different thinking in teaching approaches, whereby i think her's approaches is not applicable to the situation. Then taught some of the NCOs campcraft, however did not complete teaching as there was a shortage in time. Took cab to RP, wah so ex, sianz must cut down some expenses liao.Somemore wait for the bus in rp for 1hrs plus 2 , wah waste time only. Then hopped onto the bus and proceeded to marina south for the SDA handsigning, rained the whole afternoon, sat on the wet benches.. no life, worst of all is that i couldn not sign well and kanna the first row of the bench.Saw one of the GV cadet participating in the same event with me LOL , hahaz.The preview supporting cont songs was the same as NDP03 de!! wah hahaz. ' looking at the parade, thinking of the past, those memories...u, who was once most impt to me, a motivator to me...nv regret having knowing u in my life, u change my thinkings and let me grew stronger' - life ,' if only i am more sensible in the past'

mY fearSs

I felt fear when i climbed too high,
the higher i climb,
i might lose alot of things,
as there is change in character, mentality
what i wanna be?
what character do i want to mold on myself?
CONFUSION

One day, my time will be up in this world
so when will it come?
how long i left?
to completed my dreams,
fulfill my goals..
why is there fear in my broken heart?
why am i unable to overcome it?
why ???...
when will be the day where i will be able to love all over?

1207

movinG towardS a devil's character

Today, skip lesson just to watch the final, as i told L that i will be attending the next match she's playing. [On the way there, i was pissed off by the msg from M, msg me just to told me off for not washing the cloths the night before, even threaten to fire me..Come'on , bring it on , if u wan to fires me just because of a small mistake, go ahead. Don try me !! stop finding excuses!!don know what's happening and want to f** me off!! I will leave, for the sake of my pride, even if this job meant alot to me. So next time if u try me again, DON BLAME ME FOR TURNING SOUR!!]Went to saw the match btw NYG and EVSS, EV lose, got 2nd in national, considered v good in the past few years, CHEERS!! then saw, the finals btw HC and RI for B division boys, amazing match, Both were strong, RI manage to break HC records for being the champion 14 years consectively, and this year CH got 1st runner up, RI got champ.then follow by the A division finals , CJC vs HCJC , HCJC won, those were exciting matches, and their standard were way above me, guess i have to train more if i want to go for IVP. Wrote a very lousy RJ, guess today's grade will get 'F'.

wat's wrong?

wat's wrong ?

For the past few days, i have been pondering over my character.i felt that i have been too proud to the small extend of looking down on others.I shouldnt be . If this continue to happen, i will fall badly one day before achieving my goals and things and people around me will change drasically toward me. now i must have the word humble in my mind. must do some reflection on my own character. Understand myself , what i wanna be...."humble...humble...humble... a good code of practise in moulding a better character", "don bother about others achievements , move towards own's dream"

23/06/2005

Packed/slack day of mine

Early in the morning went for why IG meeting, then allocated to forensic workshop, sianZ kanna wat secetery post SHARK , I HATE ADMIN STUFFS!!these stuffs are no life to me!! jus becos i say something inappropriate in the meeting then kanna sabo by the year 2s, but nvm haha, since in that case no choice learn to do admin work lolz, must try to do the best in it.Hmm later in the afternoon wanted to meet CH at queenway to buy sandals , shark him , meet at 12 , 12 then wakey !!nvm , then when to take train from redhill to the end then back to redhill, sleeping inside the mrt , don feel like getting off manz hahaz.Then went for RP judo session, today didn do much training, more on the preparation for the demo coming up in a month time, Slacking all day long, but today got to learn more about rolling breakfalls!! so many styles, manage to roll without hands. Later in the judo training, ran dori with a guy which has represent s'pore b4, looking at him .. half morale gone , packed with muscles, somemore brown belt, kanna threw all the way. NVM, hahaz, he shall be the next person i wanna beat in judo, he shall be my drive to train harder!I WILL MAKE IT ONE DAY!! hmm , next is RP astronomy, learn lotsa method of find constellations,but all this i know liao , NO LIFE today too cloudy then cannot see any star in the pratical session then learn to assemble the scope. Overall i make lotsa new friends today, people with common past identity , common interest, from WHY IG and RP JUDO!!"friends are brought together by fate, and time will separate them again, effort is needed to maintain friendSHIP, just like a SHIP needed to mend when there's a hole, treasure times together b4 it's too late=)"

mE.mYself

mE.mYself

Finally after years, without father loves, i felt some care and love from him, from a irresponsible to a more caring father. Thinking back, if my family were the heart of mine, this small part of it has always not been completed. Although the small part of it has been missing in the past, however there were always be someone who filled it up tempory, which give me the feeling of father love=) although one of them has passed away last year, all in the sudden, make me felt loss in the sudden. People and animals who has accompany me through those days(teaching me, influence me, molding my present thinking/mindset) they will live in my memories forever, till the day.... hahaZz forget these stuffs, now have been bothering over commitment thingy, work, cca, school & mca(my curricular activities). Currently these commitment are, school, npcc, judo, handball, astronomy, tai chi... ... sianZz no life, finally on this day, my commitment will only set to first Education, then Judo, NPCC, work that all for this year. The rest, free then go lolz. hahaz, Education- make it to University then become a occupation which can save life(wether it's human, animal or plant). Judo - Train hard and win compeition, mastering harai and ugi mata. N.P.C.C - win top 50th placing in Campcraft compeition 2006, win first 3 placing in drill compeition 2006, teaching the NCOs of becoming leader , UOPA silver 2007. work- saving for course for violin 2006, motor and car license 2007, bike 2007, futher education. "i dream, i see, i draw, i move, i reach!"

A daY of meetinG

09062005

waOoo, met alots of "long lost friends" today. hahazZ, saw Huilin while i was going to popular , didn notice her until she called out my name(how blur can i be?), met her twice in the same day, lolz, wanted to tok to her but don noe y jus don feel like toking as i was too tired. Then met HARDCORE while i was on the way home from school. There was a feeling of happiness when i saw them, the feeling just came by itself.=)

02062005

Lame incident

Ytd got to know a new friend through En Meng, which is told by EM that his is a lamester ... And today, i met with a lame incident while buying food in the main canteen.wah..While i was waiting for my food, there was a person who kept looking at me,i find her fimilar but forgot where i saw her before, i tot " i did something wrong manZz", then i tried thinking back, 'did i cut Q?' but there was not Q , then Y is she kept staring at me manZz, then she asked me whether was i working at TB's SL, of cos i nodded my head, then she say no wonder she find me so firmilar . KAOZz, made me thought that i offended her without noticing, LOL, no life . Then after work, while walking down the station, then a thought strike my mind, i met this ger during the SAS orientation, correct? i also not sure? whatever!! ,haiz this holiday is so packed with camps, i have a total of 3 camps and 1 3days event which occupied 2/3 of my holiday , kaoZz , then how to work? SHARK LA!! like that got life but... haizZ whatever la, let fate decide lolz. "till today my mind is still wondering around aimlessly..."

Fight with the rights

2505

Today, an typical busy day of mine, went for a boring talk in the afternoon then rush back to class to complete presentation. When will i get the first A in enterprising? so tiring, then after school , rush back to EVSS to collect MY 'O' certificate, looking at the cert with a BIG D7 in first subject make me feel that i am so useless. hahaZz today Juen Juey make a remarkable and unbelivable achievement in studies, he make it to level ranking 16th, good for him , his hard work has paid off. hahaZz Then went to Judo @ katong, yeppiZz, got promoted to orange liao finally !! but think that my skill was still lousy.. when can i make to JJ and vincent standard ? FREAK , got my knee injured again, hurt alot compared to the previous one. NO LIFE MANZz .. "learning martial art is not to abuse it, but to uphold the right and protect it" , " a real martial artist is someone who respect his opponent and others , and doesn't have the mentalities to injure or kill opponent ."" martial art are to trains one's paitience and endurance"

aN idotic daY of minE

whaT iS hapPeninG 2 mE?

today went swimming with ah ben , choon hong and JJ , wah i CMI manzZ, no more stamina liao, i can't swim 20 continuous lap, keep taking short rest.saddening .. Cancelled the outing with HL and PM to the whatever park, forgot liao, postponed it. went to SL to do FLD, crap lehz, what is happening to me manZz, go there just to acc someone??kKz(stop this no life topic) kaoZz , i am in deep shit manzZ, why am i kept clinging onto the past? just everytime the mrt i took passes by tanah merah station, memories i should forgot kept flashing back, and this happen everyday, what is happening ?now i dont even know myself, everyday getting sadder and sadder(more and more no life le) . "without me, u will lead a happier life" , " i m jus a guy who is unable to provide happiness" , " the happiness of the star was what matter the most " In my life till now, i have met 3 stars of mine and let them just flew across me, without trying to catch them, regretted ? i oso dont know.. i let them go.. because i felt that .. i cant provide happiness to them , so why tied them up and hide their shines to others ? maybe one day they will find a better one compare to me .. (no life )

Life ever since school started

Life ever since school started 29/4/2005

Time flies so fast that 2 week in RP has passed.First thing first, what was the lesson like in RP? lolz, the lesson structure is very simple every day. For first year, got 5 moldule which mean 1 moldule/day, and in everyday can simply put it as come to school, do presentation, go home.hahaz that's PBL life in RP i guess.Hmm, everyday wakey just like the secondary school days(wah lao no life manZ), then meet sab taking mrt, although the meeting time was early, but we will always late alternately, in the end, almost late for class lolz.That freaking one stop centre doesn't seem to receive my photos manZ, then didn't got the student identity card,wat the shark!Heard that RP is opening Judo club soon, heheheZz.Got to knows lotsa new friends there, guess the whole class should hav know me by now hahaz.My first week daily grade was... alright la i guess, got 1A, 3Bs and of cos 1C.hope to get at least all Bs this week. hahaz my goals for every week is to improve my grades till a day i got all As hahaz then move from personal to group, helping my teamates to scores As and lastly, which was i think impossible was scoring As as a class. Challenging every problems, everyday.whop, started work at shilin, got to know some people there, which was compilicated to me but the boss was quite good la, every time go there to flour chicken or fry chicken or do egg creep (life's low) and what's most sickening was doing cleaning up at the end of the day.hmm, no more NP parade in green view for the time being, can rest more on saturdays but have to be bother the ATC proposer in june, hahaz but lucky got wci cindy doing it, so dont needa bother much.so tiring then still got work, haiz sunday oso got work then sometimes Fu Hui got events coming up, don't know how xia.Because of work cant go to taichi liao, hope sensei will understand me.if there's free time, i will sleep and rest.

14/4

a day in RP

today, went to FOP2 conducted by the chiron club. stupid chiron club, lied in order to have more people to go today, they told us that today will get the student identity pass, which i was looking forward to it. basically, i need to thanks the chiron's cm for having trying to make today fun for all freshmen in SAS. But they should have some wet activities plan, cos today activities seem to be somehow a cork up one to me. hmm, today is a day of abit of fun and alot bored, mayb i have been to too many of this kind of activities? or i have some atittude problem? Today got to know lotsa friends, but mostly from biomed.One of the members in my group which look alike like zhengxi and has the same name as my sister , manZ this world is small(can someone make it bigger?jkjk).notice a ger which was in the same grp with me during the FOP, like ZY but white colour de lolz hahaz, the look is abit like ZY but the seeing her remind me of ZY.wat most fun to me today was the chair game, our team won the game and everyone was so happy(hi fiving).This team was a great team, but one thing lacking was a leader, someone who was willing to stand out and bring the team spirit up and lead the group.today due to that some times was too boring, kept moving to the dreamland, mind kept thinking about things. sianzZz.slept in the train again, lucky today didn overslept, wakey when the door just open.

11/4/2005

Another typical day of mine

borrow another 2 books from library,1 is about singapore dogs, another about aikido.Then went to work, doing same old stuff, then accidentally got a cut on my thumb, crap manZ, first in my life time got cut by a can. Then dont care about it, continue cutting the peach. then shifu notice it, and kept insisting me to put on the plaster, cause the wound kept bleeding even after i apply direct pressure for a few time.In the end she stick the plaster on my thumb, i hate plasters and bandages, make me look so weak lolz,recalling the past injury i had during atc and someone helped me to bandage it.Feel like removing it. Got to know from huilin that they got silver in syf, cool manz, feel happy for eastview=) two thumbs up!! haiz when will ev npcc get a UOPA gold?things i can do for ev npcc is somehow limited as i was posted to gv npcc. hope that i hope i bring up the standard of both ev and gv npcc, and bring them to higher level. wakey 6 in the morning later going for FOP.

6/4/2005

6/4/2005

today, meet ah Ben and song de for BB. Then jason joined us not knowing that we will be leaving at 11. Have quite a fun morning playing street match with those guys.After that, Jason and ah ben, came to my hse, Ah ben did those typical stuffs he usually did whenever he came to my house, get a cup of water and sat infront of my computer,but it's okie larz as he was my "cousin" ma.ahben saw my laptop which i brought the day before and wanted to use it to try the wireless connection, whereby i strictly don't allow it as it was againest my principle for using others things without permission. The wireless connection can be connected to unsecure homeuser.Then during the evening, saw huilin then follow by yangee at the tampines interchange, while i was rushing for an job interview. wonder how yangee knew my name when i didnt really know this boy. but whocares ? the more friend the merrier ma. The reason for me to get this job at tiong bahru because Ark is too complicated for me to understand( not the job itself but the inter human relationship)heard that mimi(my shifu) is quitting at the end of this month, due to some misunderstanding?btw i think that A shouldn't judge a person work performance just by one day itself, she shouldn just find the fault of others, she should oso look at the strength of others. To me,i think that a good leader, should magnific the strength of the followers. Second reason was that tiong bahru was nearer to my school and i just have to take EW line to reach tamp instead of transfering train here and there.thirdly, the boss has agreed to put me in the 6-10 shift, for this timing, i dont needa rush for the last train. Lastly, it has a slightly higher pay compared to Ark.If i am selected, i dont see the reason staying in ark. After interview, i fetched a cab, intending to rush for judo, but i was caught in the traffic jam.Looking at the time and meter ticking passed, my heart also accelerated. By the time i reach katong, the training has almost ended, and i have to pay for the 1hr of waiting time when i caught in the jam, so expensive ma, highly exceeded my budget.What a day!! Nv take cab during the peak hours again.

4/4/05

4th april 2005

Today went to RP with , mh,sab,mk,sd and Jason, to see the laptop roadshow.today was raining all the whole day, it will be nice if i can sleep at home. lolz but travelling from places to places, making me feel so tired.i wore my new shoes today, the feeling was great.My sis found another job for me and asked me to call, the boss asked me to go for interview on this wednesday.Still thinking if the interview was a success, should i choose ark or there?After work, as i return home, sis complained that he is making trouble again.he was drunk again, he argue stuffs with my sis, lucky my bro" was asleep, or else there might be a fight again.He kept complaining that we didnt treat him like our father, but in the first place, he didnt took up the responsibility of taking care of us. And expect us to take care of him. Now i still have to rely on my bros and sis to pay partly for my laptop and school fees.And he!just slacking around not even asking me weather i have sufficient money for my school fees. And both of my brother were serving NS, with only 400 per mth and my sis is studying U. while he, who still can walk and run, only care about himself, his cigarette, his beer! cant he be more sensible?! cant he just be more responsible?! this question has been existing in my heart for decades.

1/04/2005

01042005 friday

Today, i was called down to eastview for temp replacement for hider in the speech day reheasal. Think i have done a v bad job there, hmm but it was proud to be marching in there even it's just a rehearsal . Too bad i wasn't participating in the parade itself , cause i was posted to greenview. After npcc, rush to ark, was late. wanted to took cab but forgot i brought a CD then wallet left $2, sianz took bus to interchange to withdraw some $$. Today at ark was v sianzZ, count $0.10 until eyes going to popz out,such a big packet, then later do cashier, forgot to press 00 at the end, 2nd time making this mistake.As it was late, alicia send me to outram mrt to rush for the last train.reaching home all my siblings haven sleep, then we ended up talking rubbish in the middle of the night, long time ever since we gather and talk.

31/3/2005

problems

i have got the points that i satisfied, the course i dreamed to go, but how will my future be ?I have received the enrolment letter from republic poly,now i have to worry about the poly fees. I have to pay the 1st sem payment and buy a laptop, but my mum was oversea, working hard to support this family. i didn let her know abt this, didn want to keep her worry, keep telling her that i have sufficient. for the saving i having now was only able to afford either the fees or the laptop. wtf, i thought that school fees has to pay only at the end of semester, shitty. now i have to seek help from my big brother and sister but not my 2nd brother, cos he intend to use his saving to buy a bike, dont wanna bother him. But my big bro have to pay for the family bill.so many troubles. sis asked me to loan from bank but i am thinking of borrowing from UD.5/4/05 was the due date. feeling so troubled, "why do i have such a irrespondsible father?". I admire my friends who have their fathers who is respondsible and supporting them. But i am happy living in a family where my brother and sister cared alot for me. hoping that my father will change one day...overcoming barriers and move toward my goals.there'll always be a way out.

26/3/2005

saturday 26/3/2005

wah, so tired early in the morning, slept v late the night before becos of work. then have to wake up in the morning for GV NPCC. hmm, that day , was the day they took their promotion test. I was the examiner for the promotion for sergent to staff sergent test. That was the first time taking a promotion test grading others. out of 11, there's only one failer and 1 on hold. of cos the rest of the 9 all passed. then went home ard 130pm , due to the discussion of the test. Mr Seong was great, he even want to sponor us CIs to attend the air rifle cost. Went to tai chi, hahaz there's 2 new members joining, they were ah ben and hong yan. Then have to rash to work. unlucky day, i broke a cup while drying it, dropped the food on the floor and broke a cap of a flask. Suai ah !! Tired . .

22/3

First step toward my dreamsSs =)

the posting came out earlier then i expected, ah ben called me this morning and told me that the posting was out.mY posting result was REPUBLIC POLYTECHNIC BIOTECHNOLOGY R16,whopee my last strand of hope make it!This was my 4th choice.My dreams toward saving life.heeZz.but life going to be tough from then onward.hmm, last night my bro, sis and i were discussing about that i shouldnt work when my sch start. but if i dont work at ark, there will be no income for me and further more when my mum return, i will become a finacial burnden to her. I have thought of the ways of settle my education fees, A: study in the day, work at night,my studies might suffered.B: sign-on JPSDS, for these 3 years there wouldnt be any worries, but there will be 5 years contract which i have to worry years later.C: loan from bank, this will also create problems in the years later. D: rely on my bro,sis and mum, life will be tough for them. which way should i choose ? So many years, i still dont understand why have such a irresponsible father,if only i have a responsible father... my mum told me that something has happen to him in the past that cost him in the current state(slacking and not supporting the family), but shouldnt a guy should be strong and responsible supporting the family of his? even when life's tough ? i dont know whether i sld hate him anot, i dont know what feeling i have to him." i don mind if u have try supporting us, we can endure this together as a family, but u are not even trying. my only good memories with you was when i was v young, u brought us out with a pick-up with lucky around.but the remains were bad memories."Now in my current life, i hav to commit to NPCC, Judo, taichi, work, fuhui... blah blah blah.. hahaz, stop talking about these stupid stuffs liao. this was just the beginning of another stage of life where i will grow stronger and think deeper.hahazZz, i realise something today,"people show off because they wanted to share with u their achievement,because u r somebody to them,they wanted to share with u the feeling of that they finally make it to their goals,to the destination they have set.that's the sense of achievement" where u can only feel it after hardworks toward your goals or when u realised ur individual talent.however if u felt that this friend of yours is showing off to u, that mean u r jealous which is a feeling u shouldnt be feeling,instead u should be happy that u have such a friend that willing to share with u their's successes,and by sharing this might motivate u to do something that u nv thought of achieving it. i belive that success is something that comes with understanding(talent), hardwork and of cause some luck.

19/3/05

19/3
today-tiring plus boring day:ark holding function, hav to clear up all the mess by myself
.wat's life abt?
.skip taichi again,cos work starting at 3
.borrowed 2 books. abt ninja .haven read yet

18/3

18/3
-sunny
-playing armies of exigo
-ark:learned how to make mix fruit tea, paradise dream, taught by mimi
"do everything with the best u can do, leaving no regrets behind"

11/3-17/3

days passes so slowly

11/3
-reported to mr seong @ GVSS
. felt so uneasy working in a new enviroment with new people
.mr seong: a responsible teacher in charge
.take pride in his achievements
.daring
.well-organised person
-helping out in EVNP(NPCC sv day)
.didn really help out alot
-EVNP sec 1/2 camp

12/3
-first parade @GVNP
.V tired due to that i only slept 2hrs the night before
.hope that i can do something to buck up their drills
.their system were far different from EVNP:rely most on NCOs ,CIs over looking things like OCs probably due to the past of not having CIs to run the unit.
-at hm sleeping like a pig (too tired)
-skip tai chi lesson due to over sleeping
.felt so bad for skipping taichi class, felt that i have let sensei kong down

13/3
-helping out for GVNP sec1 camp
.only have 1/2hrs sleep due to the tying of rope obstacles
.only 2 helpers, helped me
-Ark interview

14/3
-release from camp
-overslept, late for first day of work at ark

15/3
-work at ark

16/3
-EVNP CD trip
.talk alot with mr yeo on the way back, he taught me lotsa things
-katong judo
.fun,my spirit is back

17/3
-pass CD trip attendent to Nan
.met Liyana R on the way there
-ark

09/03-10/03

tiring day

didn slept for the night in the chalet, then finally can catch some sleep during 10++ ,hahaz then the cherry kept disturbing us(those who wanted to sleep) finally she settled down then can get some sleep liao,hahaz, after a while stomachache, wah!! after coming back from the toilet, cherry sleeping liao. then during 11, mi and orange tried to wake her up but useless she was sleeping so soundly, after sometimes finally waked her up.then after awhile everyone has waked up, then TCS lolz, feeling so sleepy. went to np teach those sec 3 rifle drill, after tat still got judo training, wah so tired. wakey next day sore throat got worse with flu, sickening, feel weak.

28/2/05

the result

of cause i was worring that i might got a E8 for english. but i make it, i was able to make it to poly,i was happy. although not much choices, but still make it. did not disappoint those ppl who care for me.but did not make it to fufill the promise, 18points,feel so lousy.

goals

mY goals.

I finally found my goals, my dreams and my future. No matter where i got into, ite or poly, my destination is University.I wanna be a scientist or technologist or vet.i wanna save life all my life. saving others which means saving a person which means alot to the others.a vet, probably due to stuart.We send him to a clinic which didn't heal him from his illness, seeing him suffering but i cant do anything..if only i was able to do something to save him..

18/1-24/2

days there.

went to new zealand, for ... the work there is a brainless job, cos u don need to think anything. just choose the bad kiwi and pluck them down.this may seem easy, but u will have to endure the long working hours and long dist walk down the lane of the kiwi farm which was counting in hecters. Learn how to drive a manual car there, taught by sam and alvin, but still not good at it. everyday thinking of returning back to singapore, staying there made me feeling far out of my comfort zone. The only place i visited was the snow mountain. Wanted to visit habbiton but it was too ex for us to afford it. basically there was lots of problems there, the things was too complicated for me to understand. then move from rotorua to napier as we were switching the job to plucking apple.well first day of that made me wore out, v tiring, have to climb a 2m ladder up with a bag of 10kg++ in front of me, stretching out the hand and reach for those red apple.Almost fall from the ladder twice. That frighted me out.if i dropped, i will b ended up been paralyed. Then returning back to singapore, transitting in bali, and stayed overnight there alone.Till that day, i really felt the care from my mum.

17/1/2005

W:rainY

Today, mY last day working in metro, abit sad to leave,sad to leave my friends there, ppl like yongchye,huiming,aunt may,wendy, the toy dept guy,reuben,jandi all the friends there. aunt may gave me a chocolate as a farewell gift, she told me she can bear to see me leaving so soon.But this was one of those route i have to choose in life, stay(NP&friends) or leave(mother),i choose my mother, someone who has acc me through my life. i choose this path with the help of shamugan. pratically today was all about packing the counter the chit chatting with the cashier. Didn get to see lot of ppl on the last day of work, ppl like huiming.will be missing everyone.. hmm.. leaving for new zealand in 16hrs time.-adios to all- will be back in 10days or 1mthplus time=) take care to all my friends who hav read this=)

04/01/05

W:drizzling

today replacement off,then went out with jie2, ask her to acc me to the beach, cause i feel low. Talk alot with her, then she brought me to bugis street and eat. I ate wanton mee and chicken rice there, the wanton mee was tasty!! but the bedok one was better. Then jie2 went to work.stupid me, took the wrong side bus, ended up in rocher rd. Cook dinner today, fully on me, but the soup cant make it, abit too tastless liao, but still edible. then vegetable still alrite la. went to chalet of 410, almost knock down by a bike, my fault.. i rush across the traffic as it was green man not looking at the traffic turning in.Shocked.. Third time having this kind of experience, almost dead. Once was a speeding taxi, then a car at KL, now a turning motor. i was lucky, really very lucky not dying or hurt in those accidents.If one day i die, i hope those people i loved and loved me live a safe and happy life. "i have a wish, but this cant be achieve until the day i learn how to put aside my pride and learn what is selfless"