the countdown has started, 13 more days to bio paper and i have just only started reading the first booklet.. argh!!!

to all my zhong xin blog readers..
okay, was suppose to blog sometime ago.. i noe.. but didnt have the feeling of blogging larz.. was reading bio notes, den got bored of it so decided to some here and krap something out. catched up with quite a few of my friends ytd.. ya had a relatively nice time talking to them.. but it would definitely be much better if i could at least get to hear their voices, instead of like talking to the computer itself..oh wells, i sorted out my notes and realised that i had lots of bio stuff to memorise.. one whole thick stack of bio notes sitting on the table, waiting for me to flip thru some of them.. its like i can hear it say: 'flip thru me, flip thru me' as i turn ard now, looking at it.. it seems to be so dog-earred, even though i only flipped thru it a few times, cos i always throw my notes all over the place.. yup.. i'm not the type of consistent worker, dats shows why my grades r becoming like the stock market, fluctuating at times.. haha..
to edwin: if u r reading this, please go find tt smiley face kkz.. den send to me, its really cute..

i wonder how does it feel to be trapped in a time-space continunum.. there shld be just emptiness and nothing but that, or is there something more to that.. well, i really wonder.. haha sometimes i just feel that i'm made to be so antisocial.. people that know me must know that i'm not that type of person.. ya i krap a lot for ur information.. but i just feel as though something is lacking inside me to allow me to krap.. just that something is not quite right, a sense of emptiness inside me. well, i dont think that i can do anything about that though.. also, i find the people here very fake.. people are just using each other to their own benefit.. and that is not suppose to be the way.. what are friends for? do u need me to define the term 'friends' for u?! yup, people using each other to get to their aim.. what the.. all krap larz.. if only i can return to the past 17 years of my life again.. i will definitely be a better person and treasure my friends in sg more.. i believe when i was with them, i might have taken some of them for granted and thinking that they will always be by me no matter what happens.. BUT I'M SO WRONG! will contd later.. got to ciao for math lect.. will be back tonite..

pretty dog 

where's the road ahead?

okies, sometimes i just dont understand why when someone puts in so much effort to do something.. the results just isnt there.. as compared to someone who just puts in fifty percent of their effort and gets so much more returns.. and i just cant seem to do that.. why does people seem so selfish.. issit part and parcel of human nature that u always want to be the best and disregarding other people's interest.. well, at least i dont see that with the friends that i made in singapore.. and now when i come here, why is that, that such people appear right in front of my eyes.. its a big mistake that i made and i kinda regret it now.. i guess its only through such little experiences that u know who ur true friends really are. so exam time is the time where u get to know who are those that want to pull through hard and tough times with u.. studying stuff together and getting things clarified before its too late and those peeps that only allow u to wither away in the wake of the exams.. some friends just wanna see u die there, thru sheer determination, they wanna make u rot and decompose.. just like the vulture, waiting by the road, waiting for people fro drop dead on the floor from dehydration and then they will rush to attack the corspe.. super pissed off now.. and nothing seem to matter much anyway.. i just cant stand it anymore.. why why.. in cases like these, i think there is no explanation.. just get out of my life.. i dont want to see u anymore.. it doesnt matter if u were or were not in my life.. so i hope that by choosing another course next yr would allow me to see less of u.. cant u just be more helpful.. the road ahead of me now is foggy and hazey.. i dunno wad is ahead of me but i noe where is my ultimate destination.. and sometimes i wonder if the road ahead is a winding road, a straight road, or whether there would be traffic jams or not.. everything just seems to be so different.. ever since i first came here, to this dreadful place.. maybe staying in pj and doing arts again might be a better option.. but ya it doesnt lead to my destination.. and if i do arts, it is an end road for me.. cos there is absolutely no road that leads to my ultimate destination.. everyone thinks that nz life is so good and perfect.. but there are flaws in between.. and u cant see it until u get into its shoes..

okies, alrites.. i have uploaded a few already.. quite cool larz.. cos i finally found out how to upload pics on the net.. which is good.. yups.. anyway today had a boring day in sch.. physics, three hr break.. den two hrs of english and an hr of math. during eng lesson we watched some video tape and almost slept thru it.. cos it was so monotonous.. abt some eng krap.. when we didnt even haf to know anything abt it larz.. ok, i noe tt i shldnt be here now though.. shld be gone by now.. so tatas.. shall be back to upload more pics kk..

me, cai, yingyu and derek 

fellow instructors 

mel, weelin, jean and me 

yup yup

20 days to exam!
bleah i'm trying to upload photos to my blog.. still trying to do so.
cant believe that wif 20 days more and i'm still doing this dumb thing..

21 more days to the exams..
FEELING THE HEAT YET? i dont think so..

yet again?!

ok i think i might have counted wrongly.. its 22 more days to the exams.. am i correct? pls correct me if i'm wrong.. u noe my math is the 'cannot make it' type.. haha.. ne'ways its the second time fm made headlines again.. i rmbr the first time was with the high tech way of cheating.. using sms to cheat during the exams.. dat was lame too larz.. and this time apparantly its worst.. yup, so i guess we cant anyhow in anyway post stuff on the internet.. now i dont even think that this blogging thingy is safe as well man.. once we say something wrongly, dats it.. its all over.. news spread fast.. just like how the wildfires spread.. burning up shrubs and dried stuff all ard the perimeter of the area.. but this time its bad.. i think tt whoever did this stupid thingy, its all over for u man.. u have put ur talent to waste.. there goes the reputation of the sch again.. its hard to bring up the name of the sch and now its all gone down the drain yet again.. eveyone must be very upset now.. dat such a thing have happened.. anyway just hope tt this matter gets resolved soon.. meanwhile have to concentrate on exams.. haiz, cant wait for it to be over.. den wont have to bother abt maths anymore.. yeap!krap, tmw got chem test.. the one tt i didnt take on fri.. belah.. equilibrium.. argh.. well i thk its much better den organic chem.. dats my worst topic so far.. well there might be more to come ya.. oh wells, have nothing much more to say lehz.. tata.. dats all folks..

cracked-pot

Something to ponder on:

A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on each end of a pole which he carried across hls neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.For a full 2 years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water in his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After 2 years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you." "Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?"
"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.

The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path." Indeed as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path and this cheered it some. But at the end of tile trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.

The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on YOUR side of your path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For 2 years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."

MORAL: EACH OF US HAS OUR OWN UNIQUE FLAWS. WE'RE ALL CRACKED POTS!

Some of us don't grow old gracefully, some are not so smart,
some are tall, large & big, some bald, some physically challenged,
but it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives
together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are, and look for the good in them. There is a lot of good out there. There is a lot of good in you!

Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape.
Remember to appreciate all the different people in your life!
Or as I like to think of it - If it's not for the crackpots in my
life, it would be pretty boring.

THANK YOU, (whoever is reading this) FOR BEING MY CRACKED-POT FRIEND!

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was kinda shock today when i found out tt Gordon was appealing to retain.. or its already confirmed that it was his choice to do so.. that was certainly not the same person tt i used to know last yr.. talked to mel online today, and she even sent me a painting tt she did while she was bored.. yup, it really brightened up my day.. A's is gonna start on 4th nov and end on 26th nov.. even though its like 4 subjs but there are a lot of papers for literature.. well, will be looking forward to the end of it.. yup yup..

for better or for worse

today's countdown.. 23 more days left to the exams.. everyone here seems to be mugging like they have never mug before.. woah, was reading juan's blog and something really struck me.. pj really changed her life and mine too.. somehow, for better or for worse.. but still it has changed my life. i have been through a lot during my one yr plus there.. anyways, today is the time where the international pple register for uni course.. yups, but i didnt have to go cos i'm not part of that category.. yesh, we all have to move on someday.. not being able to stay in our comfort zone all thru our life.. obstacles are merely stepping stones which u have to use in order to continue moving on in life. it is no doubt that it is always and will always be hard to let go of something that u hold so dearly to u.. ok, i'm still in a dilemia of what exactly to take next year.. i think up to date, its the biggest and most important decision i have to make in history..ne'ways, to all my j2 pals.. all the best, mug hard for A's.. and before u know it, its all over..

i dont want to grow up!

a penny worth of thoughts.. havent been blogging for a long time.. since sunday.. this was actually meant for me to pen down all my thoughts daily.. too tired lately, lack of motivation to study.. even though the exams are fast zooming by.. haiz, and have been online quite often lately.. my life is in a total mess.. or shld i say just revolves ard sch home and the com.. dats all.. haha i think i have lost my social life.. the once sociable rachel is now a boring little gal.. haha i just feel that something is lagging.. something that i cannot comprehend.. oh well.. had a really wierd dream ytd nite.. or this morn.. dreamt of someone from 1st three months..which later ended up being in the same jc but diff classes.. bleah.. yup yup.. anyways, i too found out that i have the gift of prophecy thru dreams.. u noe, sometimes when i dream, the dreams really come true and the exact event has already enacted in my dreams.. and i'm like 'isnt this familiar? where have i come across this before' kinda scary though when u come to think of it after it happens.. these dreaming stuff have not only happened once but lots of time.. so ya i'm pretty sure that i have finally found my gift.. yay, dats someting to rejoice abt.. today had a pretty good talk wif my mum abt wad i was going to do in future.. actually honestly i really dunno.. i'm kinda fickle-minded at times.. changing my ambition and stuff after a while.. and i asked her this qn which i think made her stop and tink for a while.. that is, did u ever regret ur career path ever in ur life? haah total silence for a while.. yup i guess she could not answer me at that moment.. ya, this is one of my main concerns.. i'm afraid tat i might not like my job after i have chosen which path i wanna take.. by then, it would be too late to change paths.. sometimes its realy hard to decide wad u wana be in future or even wad the future holds for u.. i seem to be growing up so quickly, before u know it.. ur teenage years are over and u will be entering the workforce.. either a 9-5 job or an on-call one.. but i knoe for sure, tt somewhere deep down inside me, i wanna work in a hospital.. dats for sure.. i have always admired and look up to those pple working in the hospital, helping the sick and getting a sense of achievement when ur patients gets well and discharged.. meanwhile, i dunno if tt is really wad is planned for me..

yup, dats me!

tired tired tired.. slept at 3am last nite.. had to finish the stupid long essay.. from this exp, i can confirm tt i am a very last min person.. leaving things until the very last minute den rush to get it done! yup, dats me.. now jus haf to do some editting and touch up some stuff.. den i'm officially done wif this essay.. its taking too much time.. just came back from church.. had an enjoyable time there and also tried to catch some ducklings as well.. lucky, the mother duck didnt come chasing after us.. muhaha.. but they are so kaiwaii.. fur looks so soft w/o feathers yet.. running ard following their mother.. or so i think it is.. bleah.. oh well, nothing much happening today, besides doing essay and slacking at home. i might contd blgging later in the nite..

hey, surprising i woke up early today and went to mosgiel wif them.. usually i would be sleeping in until late morning.. there is some maintainence problem with the msn messenger so here i am, doing this blog.. yups, and am watching the movie 'Daylight' as well.. but half the time, my eyes are on this webby thingy.. haiz, heaving a huge sigh.. got exams in like 30 days now.. i think so, have to go count the exact number of days soon.. or may be have a countdown thingy.. muhaha.. oh ya, did i mention that the timetable is not bad, quite good.. there is like abt one week break in between the papers.. start on 9 Nov and end on the 24 Nov.. exams are in this order: bio, eng, math c, chem and last but not least physics.. haha at least the ones tt i dont like are at the end.. and also they r in the evening.. bleah.. the worse time of the day.. papers in the morn are the best.. cos u jus woke up and is totally refreshed.. in the afternoon, u feel sleepy.. well, its at least for me.. ya whatever.. hmm actually i shldnt even be on the com now.. shld be doing my long essay due on mon.. i need someone to vett thru for me.. someone whose eng is profound enuff.. haha joking larz..
yup yup.. 10 & 9, 8 & 7, 6 & 5 & 4.. 3 & 2 & 1.. krapping away..
from the very moment our eyes met,
i knew that there would be chemisty between the two of us..
But i never thought that it would end up in such a tragic explosion of emotions gone away. no matter how hard i try, these feeling wont go away,
so like the immature child that i am, i will insult u, threaten u and hurt u..
i will make u hate me forever..
in this way, u will never forget me! i rather u hate me and remember me.. then to love me and forget me among the many faces u encounter..

I came, I conquered, I won!

back to blogging again.. had the last chemistry lab lesson for the year today.. and to mark the occassion, i had to break a funnel at the end of the lab while packing up ready to leave.. haha i guess it was a sign that i had a connection with chemistry.. haha dont like chemistry at all.. then, during math lecture, or should i say that there wasn't any lecture at all, these two people from the university math and stats department had to come and talk to us about math courses available in the uni.. was kinda boring and the two lecturers were absolutely boring.. one spoke using too many 'okay', 'i guess' and 'alright'..me and nad were like sitting there counting how many he said in a short period of time.. shocking results though, u wouldnt want to know.. and the other was juz too strict.. ne'way, i wont be talking math next yr though, will be taking epidemeology instead of biostats.. which is a plus.. yups,during english today.. watched a video of entitled: signs from God (i think) science vs faith.. i tink its something like tt.. not sure.. yup poor memory i guess. it was kinda scary b'cos it tells of all the different visions & how they experience God from whereever they come from.. & there was this particular thingy that really sent shivers down my spine, there was this statue of jesus.. & it was reported that there were blood dripping from the eyes & tears flowing down.. when it was taken for scientific tests to show if it was a fraud, the tests showed tt it was human blood and tt there was no evidence to show tt the statue was tampered with.. den was talking to my friend about it and she told me that it was the work of the devil.. even the pastor interviewed said that it could be from christ or from the work of the devil.. and also thru'out the show, there was more of e virgin mary den there was of christ.. also there were statues and idols that they used as a representation.. but U dont need all these stuff to worship him!! thats something certain.. ya to cut the long story short, it was eye-opening and shocking..
haha, after english... went for the mt flagstaff climb.. yay, we managed to conquer it..i came, i conquered, i won! i must emphasize that the view up there was juz magnificient.. seriously.. its something i wouldnt have ever gotton to see.. it just feels lke i'm on the top of the world.. looking down on creation and admiring what GOd has created for us.. yes for all of us to enjoy.. i really can't imagine what would the world be like w/o such wonderful creation.. the world might not even cease to exist. the wilderness reminded me of the hilk during PJC's LTC 2003.. the long overnight hike that we took and also of the solo-night.. boy, it was scary though, being alone in the dark.. without ur hp, tv, friends, family.. and most importantly, the comfort of ur own home.. still rmbr that i was given this awful spot, with rotton durians and ant's nest.. quite ulu though.. scary heh.. oh ya, there were male indian construction workers walking up and down the compound too.. (heard it from my friend) den had a change of location, good larz.. but the second place was just as bad, such poor taste the instructor had ya.. so rocky and i could barely stick the tent-pole in.. or i COULDNT even stick it in.. no choice had to sleep out in the open for the night.. thankfully it didnt rain at all.. yups..had the opportunity to have a one on one chat with jamie.. and it was really awesome.. sharing experiences with one another is just so good.. haha good thing we didn't have to walk back to fy building.. took a short bus ride back.. after that, had a nice full meal of kfc wif nadia.. was seriously over-bloated larz.. yup, had one hr of dinner and rushed of for THE EDGE, some youth group thingy at church.. the sermon was good and impacting.. so FROM NOW ON, I WANT TO SEE A CHANGE IN MY LIFE.. NO LONGER WILL I BE THE SAME AGAIN.. i have learnt many interesting lessons there.. however, i thought that the band played the music kinda loud.. jamming away, right straight into our ear drums.. could even feel the vibrations lar.. haha... was really good and i really enjoyed myself.. each and every moment there.
haha, oh ya got our exam timetable today.. and there is exactly one more month to our exams.. thats like fast zooming by.. and have to hand in the stupid long essay due on monday morning at 9am sharp.. yup and i havent finished it yet though. so i need SOS! haha.. sending SOS help already?

yup, its time to blog yet again.. haha, i'm finally aware of how near the exams are.. starts on nov 8.. so its like slightly mroe than a month left, and i'm still here, slacking and taking things so likely..well, since reality has finally set in.. i'm all set and ready to run this race.. done all the warm-up already.. yups! once i'm done with the stupid long essay, will go full-fledge wif mugging.. i dont want to repeat the mistakes that i did before.. i've learnt and now am trying very hard to keep up-to-date and stuff like that.. i forsee that this would be a busy week for me larz.. and erm trying to find someone to help me vett thru my essay.. any volunteers? haha.. preferably wif professional experience pls. oh wells, sound like some kind of job advertisment now.. diaoz.. ya lar, i'm juz krapping away.. thanks merv, for the photo.. haha dont worry, i'm not admiring it or staring at it all the time.. muhaha.. today had the last physics lab.. yay finally.. left one more chem lab which i guess would be this fri.. dun like chem.. esp RT.. yup, den had two hrs of eng and mat.. as u can tell wad i'm gonna say next: a total waste of time.. so boring and not productive.. u jus give me the book, i can self-tutor myself.. dont require u to do that lar.. is of no use and dont ever think it would be of any use in future as well.. grinz.. den took a long walk back home with ziwei.. dont be mistaken, jus my neighbour larz.. tried out a new route home, through somewhat lke wilderness, with bushes and shrubs growing all over the place.. i guess they don have enuff money to cut the grass or wad larz.. longer route but less steep and more ulu..nevertheless it was a nice walk up.. nice and quiet.. listening to the crickets and bird chirping.. sound of nature.. isnt it so wonderful to see God's creation made in such a perfect way.. kk.. sound so arty now.. bleah.. alrites, tataz! =)

monday blues..

monday blues.. haiz.. yups, the thought of starting school again really sucks.. and i feel so sian diao to start school again.. haha, today had chem, bio tutorials and math c, bio and chem lecture.. guess wad? chem lect is gonna finish soon, or shld i say this wednesday.. that means that the exams are fast drawing by.. closing up, like engulfing me up. haha but in actual fact, i dont even know when it begins.. the yr have passed so quickly, flying and zooming by.. den would be hols and finally start sch again.. as i was saying, ya.. sch today was boring.. hey, i rmbred wad limewater was used for.. haha... bio had bio test, den watched a 15mins video on meiosis.. math lecture was okay, juz that i didnt bring my calculator and i more or less slacked throughout.. jus copying from the ohp machine.. bio lect was okay, new topic on evolution.. den towards the end, we watched another video on evolution, boi! that was super super boring and i was dozing off.. from my position, i could see heads bobbling round.. the exact same thing when someone is falling asleep during lecture.. yups, chem was ok as well.. got nothing much to say abt chem.. dont really like that subject though.. kept laughing away today, something muz be wrong bahz.. but its juz tt nadia keep saying lame stuff to trigger off the laughter.. alrites, i need to go do my stupid long essay already.. left like one more week to due date.. and i need to slash off words.. cant beleive i wrote too many manz..

day-light saving..

today marks the official day when day-light saving starts.. actually it began this morning at 2am.. turning the clock forward by one hr, feels like we could turn back and forward time.. how cool would that be eh? haha.. if we didnt turn, i would be late for everything by one hr.. slept at two thirty ytd night.. cos i had to wait to finish copying the cds.. waited a whole 5hrs in all.. yeah, its slow.. so decided to buy an mp3 player.. ipod is cool too, but its way too ex.. ipod can store like 10,000 songs for the 40Gb one.. poor people like me would never be able to afford.. unless i work my butt out man.. muhaha.. thot of selling my lousy discman.. not really lousy though, juz bought it last year.. not bad, but it isnt really that convenient.. mp3 or ipod would be more feasible for me..
went to church today in the morning and den came home for lunch and i'm not stuck in front of this screen doing this blog.. this will have to be a short one though, i have to continue doing my dumb long essay.. its a total waste of time. i wonder why on earth did someone invent the word long essay.. esp for english.. my essay is too long.. somehow seem to have too much stuff to write.. den we were talking abt some maori language thingy den side-tracked to malay language..den side-tracked again to certain places in singapore.. realised that there were a lot of 'bukit' and 'jalan' something something.. bukit merah, bukit timah, bukit batok, bukit gombak, bukit purmei.. bukit means hill and jalan means walk i think.. for we always say 'lets go jalan jalan'.. so we mixed and matched everything altogether to come out wif some sort of singlish mixed wif some other things..
tomorrow, there is bio test and i need to complete my long essay.. haf to submit it on 11th oct, at 9am.. i guess i might hand it in earlier, the day before or something. dont want to queue up and rush to submit it..
oh wells, gotta log off soon..

Happy Children's Day!

Imagine waking up today not knowing that 6 yrs ago, i celebrated my last children's day.. every first of october is children's day.. how can i ever forget this day.. i miss being a kid.. when we used to have lots of holidays + youth day.. and once we went to sec school onwards, we can only celebrate youth day but not children's day.. look people, there is clearly biasness here.. in our parent's eyes, we will always be kids that havent grown up yet-- kids that still need their parents to be by their side.. anyway, i'm still having holidays now.. so i guess it doesnt make any big big difference.. haha.. today went to town.. but didnt really do much stuff anyways.. literally guang jie.. and now, i'm online waiting for someone to send all the song files over.. or shld i say waiting for this SLOW modem to complete its download.. yeah, its really slow as in slow.. haha but the songs are really nice.. okay lar, i dont really feel like blogging now.. feel like juz nua-ing at home and chatting on msn.. haha.. tataz..