?????

i really wonder what is going on with me.. i think i might have fallen for him already.. argh.. what on earth is going on with me? i wonder.. i know such things should not and cannot happen yet, but this is something that is beyond my control.. i cant help it rite.. he just makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time. And i dont think anyone else can do the same and have the same effect.. Undeniably, the heart is a sensitive muscle of the entire human creation. trying as hard as i might, to act as if nothing has happened.. but i cant! i just cant! adolescence is part and parcel of life and growing up i guess. so its unavoidable.. does this mean that i just have to bear with it.. ahhh.. he is always in my mind, in some way or another.. listening to certain songs is just like hearing him singing into my ear.. sometimes i do wonder, why on earth did u ever appear in my life? well, if u didnt.. maybe i wouldnt be in the state i'm in now.. come to think of it, i think that it was God's purpose bahz.. if not we wouldnt even have come across.. paths crossed.. argh, wadever.. i dont really want to bother with such stuff.. just carry on life as usual and hope for the better.. believe it or not, now i'm typing this but in my mind.. i noe that i'm hoping that he would come online now.. *winkz*

zero-gravity

oh man! i dont think i do really have a life now.. i spent the entire day at home doing long essay.. sad case rite.. good achievement today anyway... i finished three scopes and the introduction and conclusion. so currently, i have only one more scope point left.. FINALLY!! kinda tired now man, talked on msn till quite late yesterday nite after coming back from vision.. but den again, i didnt wake up early today though.. bleah.. And ya, got reply from the gb commissioner here regarding the fonomarae 2005.. she mentioned that i was neither here nor there, cos i'm not a member of GBNZ.. so ya.. i also dunno where i belong larz.. for the matter or fact.. in addition, she asked me about my future plans in the girl's brigade.. i replied: I do want to contd serving, but i dont think that it would be this yr.. this yr is an important year and besides i only came here for a year.. so i do need some time to adapt and accustom to the way of life here. anyways, the fonomarae occurs once every four yrs and i think it is always held in nz lehz.. i remember the last time, it was held in queenstown, new zealand and now its held in waikato area.. hmm maybe the next time round it would be held in dunedin.. nahz, i dont think so.. its way too south..in the deep south.. too cold here already.. alrites, i might be back to blog again tonite.. i will be back.. muhaha

we are HUMAN BEINGS, not DOINGS..

i went for VISION today.. a youth group thingy held at the dunedin city aposolic church.. and it was great, i didnt regret at all.. it is something like the STUDENT.SOUL but much more interesting lehz.. seriously, once i stepped into the church, there was this overwhelming sense of homely feeling.. something which i never felt before.. the people there were just so friendly.. we gathered in the hall for notices before proceeding to the rear and upstairs rooms for small group bible study.. oh ya, and i didnt know that jamie and trudy were from the girl's brigade as well.. trudy from the nz one and jamie from gb malaysia.. how cool is that eh? the topic for today was about God's calling.. what He has in stored for our lives.. plans that He hath made for us.. and one thing that really stuck me was that God has given us a plan and a purpose for our lives. Every single person in this world is a piece of the space-continuum puzzle, and without you or anyone else, the world that we know would cease to exist. Yes, we are that important! we have things to do and people to meet that will establish God's kingdom on this earthly place. it is not enough to merely exist--God wants more than that for us, and he will hold us to that.
The cell-group leader, linda gave us the words to ponder on a slip of paper in the form of a telephone.. I inferred the meaning of it was that we could talk to God anytime of the day, its a toll-free number and it would never be busy or engaged. He will always be there at the receiving end.. and sometimes we could even receive a call from God, revealing to us about the plans he has for us. okies, then we had fellowship and a time of singspiration.. a rock-type setting, just like a concert with people jumping around and just giving praise. I really enjoyed my time there.. really liked the devotion.. rock style with the band playing but yet impacting.
will be back next week for more action.. =P

less than a week to daylight saving

today marks the day of the holidays.. finally ya, another week relaxing and reflecting abt life and wad is ahead.. even though there is no sch today, i went back nevertheless. looking ard the library, woah everyone is mugging.. seriously, heard from my friend tt when the exams draws near like two weeks before the exam, there wouldnt even be a single available seat in sight. couldnt be that bad rite? i dunno.. as i was saying, i think the lib is the only place where i can settle down and do some real work.. i think i have found the place where i can finally study in peace and without any distractions. yups.. looks like i do have an affinity with the lib bahz.. hmm, den went back home to contd watching the chinese show tt i have been watching.. the drama is really nice, something like huan zhu ge ge but den again its something not like tt.. its abt two government officials who work for the huang shang.. den one of them is well-known for greed and would do all sorts of scheming juz to get his way.. whille the other is righteous and always thinking for the well-being of the commonfolk.. and i think this really applies to our life in someway or the other. i'm sure that this society does consist of such people. really hope that all sorts of corruption would be gotton rid off.. yeah, but the show was really funny, with all sorts of tricks and schemes. okies, shall blog another time.. time to watch the simpsons.. tataz..

muggers at work

today had organic chem test.. yups, wasnt too bad larz.. i suppose shld be better den the first.. and today got back the report as well.. krap larz, was like the same as mid yrs.. and i actually thot tt it would be much better.. cos yeah it improved larz.. was like thinking tt since eng for me is the best subj so why not, i might juz return back to doing arts.. but we'll see lar at the end of the yr.. see what God has in stored for me.. i really dunno how the future would be like..cant picture it ya.. i guess tt was why my sciences and maths wasnt gd in the first place.. but surprising biology art first attempt wasnt too bad.. or shld i say good for someone that have never took bio before.. oh ya, i also wanna find out what exactly is my IQ.. kinda interesting to find out ya, to see what kind of substance is my brain made up of!
the holidays have finally arrived.. but i dont think tt this hols would be anyway better.. have the stupid long essay to do and bio test.. made a pact wif annie tt we would go and pao tu su guan everyday.. i hope tt i am up to that really.. today will be going back home to rot and slack.. havent slacked for a long time yet and den tmw will see wat i can do. maybe mug mug mug..

Ohana is the way!

time to blog again.. its another 3hrs break time to rot away again.. replied mel's and juan's email.. ya i noe, its finally ya.. haha.. and when i was replying mel's email, something struck me. tt was- what am i doing here? why am i here? wat made me come here? den i realised tt i didnt have anything now.. at least in spore i had friends to rely on.. BUT now, i dont.. i only have memories and reminisces.. i understand tt things happen for a reason.. i may not understand or know wad is going on now, but i will.. mark my words.. mel's email really woke me up literally. i noe tt being here is really a once in a lifetime's chance.. and many pple wants to come here but they cant.. or tt they dont have the capability to do so anyways.. haha was juz browsing fairfield's website.. and come to think of it, after leaving the portals of fairfield, i have entered into another world. a world tt is so much more different from the world tt i used to know while i was still in fairfield.. haha..

Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you are good, O Lord. Psalm 25:7

A world has opened for us
A world that's bright and gay
A world that's full of interest
Since to school we found our way
It's a world that's full of gladness
And we're happy all the day
And we learn that only busy folks
Can be bright and true and gay
It's at Fairfield, at Fairfield
Where all the world is bright
Where love is in the sunshine
And our hearts are gay and light
Oh! It's Fairfield, at Fairfield
Where all the world is bright
Where love is in the sunshine
And our hearts are gay and light

There we live and work and study
There we walk in wisdom's ways
Gaining strength for all the future
Far and near we'll sing thy praise
May blessings be upon thee
May many find thy halls
May the leaders of the future
Be found within thy walls
Here's to Fairfield, to Fairfield
To every student here
To every happy fairsian
And to every teacher dear

Oh! It's Fairfield, at Fairfield
Where all the world is bright
Where love is in the sunshine
And all the world is bright.

how these few words which seemingly dont mean anything to the others, nv fail to instill in me love and reverence for God and as well as purity and honesty.. 10yrs of my life, nutured by fairfield.. where friends and tchrs nv felt like them but as family.. truely, ohana is the way!

pls gimme me inspiration!

bleah, so tired so tired so tired.. actually i would say bored and nothing better to do. no new topic and life here is nothing much absolute boredom.. everyday after sch, go home.. reach home, slack or watch vcds or use com.. seriously, my life juz revolves ard these few things larz.. krap larz. was juz talking to some of my classmates today and i accidentally used lar and i tink meh as well, and guess wad? ya they dont understand.. the wierd thing is that also when i chat wif them over msn, i will haf to use proper eng. oh man! i dont think tt there is proper eng ever spoken in the world today.. somehow or the other, it is mixed with other languages and giam chai all mix ard to come out wif some funny lingo. something tt only its own pple will understand.. besides i'm thinking twice to use proper eng on the blog now, cos when u type a word on the web search, den there is a possibility tt ur blog will be shown there. so yesh, i wont want my blog to be dat well-known larz.. den it wouldnt be so private tt only my close friends are able to read it..
why is everyone chionging now? or maybe its time and i havent got the chionging momentum yet.. aha, actually i have already lost the momentum long long ago.. i guess wad v.chia said was rite, rmbr tt he told our class during the O's tt u wont want to lose the momentum, cos once u lose it, it would be very very hard to get it back again.. and i guess i haf already lost it for good.. oh momentum momentum, when r u gonna come back to me again? haha.. krapping..
juz finished watch part of a chinese show borrowed from my friend.. yesh, how nice is she to lend the whole stack of serials to me ya.. but still it cannot be compared to wad lindy babe did for me.. well lindy, really appreciate it lots and lots and lots.. u really rock.. those shows tt u burnt really made my day.. nv haf i laughed so hard and for so long before.. haha.. cheers!
*it juz came to my mind tt i still have a long essay to contd writing and besides i have only started writing the introduction.. have to chiong.. maybe now is the time to start chionging bahz.. pls give me more inspiration. or inspire me.. i dont care how u do it or wad u use to do it.. juz inspire me!!

thru it all

its time to blog yet again.. i noe havent been blogging for a long long time already. not exactly the freeiest of freeiest of person lately.. have so much stuff piling up.. assignments and tutorials after more tutorials..

last sun, at church there was this sort of confirmation and membership ceremony thingy.. den the minister asks everyone to stand and to say this pledge thingy.. to be confirmed as members of the presbyterian church.. haha so everyone stand, so i guess tt was why our entire family stood up as well.. yesh, i did stand but didnt recite anything at all.. so i guess tt doesnt count..

oh yes i had a dream ytd.. dreamt of serene and me and a gal called ruth.. haha, dont even know if she exists.. den i went to support sk in this receiving of prize thingy which funny enuff the entire ceremony only lasted for 15mins.. she was very close to that gal ruth larz, which of course made me very very jealous and they did something which got me on my nerves and i stormed off.. after that somehow, i got transported back to nz.. krap larz, i mean that this dream i can even remember when i woke up larz.. u noe how sometimes when u wake up and u rmbred u dreamt abt something but somehow cannot remember it at all, no matter how hard u try..

haha today came to sch at 9am even though i start at 10am larz.. den replied msg to moses.. but the stupid friendster got prob, went back to the log in page.. krap same thing happen.. so didnt reply larz.. haha went for physics.. physics was really boring man, stan went thru the test papers and also the lab work.. after tt i'm here now. stuck in the com lab typing this thingy..

Through it all
Through it all, i noe
that God is in control,
like the sun, after a storm
His love will come shinning thru
Yes i noe, HIs love for me
Is greater than all my trials
Like a child, in His arms,
He'll carry me..
Through it all!

Wad a waste of time..

haha, today i dunno wads gotton into us.. me, my bro and mum walked ard town.. or shld i say walked to town and ard town.. we left the house at like 10am and only got home at 4pm.. waited so long for the bus.. as u noe the buses here only comes every hrly.. sad rite.. but true.. so didnt want to walk up tt long steep hill, so juz haf to wait patiently.. no choice larz..
ya and arh, we walked so long to rebel sports rite, juz to find out tt a sale doesnt really haf to mean a sale on shoes.. they haf like sale on everything else excpt shoes.. the shoes here is like hundred plus larz, almost two hundred.. and ar even if the 70 plus kind, the design is really really atrocious.. i bet its those kind that they import a lot in a bulk, den is those tt cannot sell.. cos the pattern is too lousy and ugly.. seriously.. ya so i guess it was a total waste of time larz..
den went to a cafe for lunch.. i had steak and mushroom pie.. haha.. seldom do we eat pies in sg rite.. usually is a bowl of noodles or chk rice.. yum yum.. ya den went to town.. roamed octagon.. oh ya and erm we went to the museum as well.. not bad larz, heard tt its a world-class museum or something like tt.. haha den spent quite a while walking in there and admiring all the exhibits.. to add on, it would definitely be really really scary if u were like locked in there overnite.. and haf to spent ur nite there alone.. wif no one expct all the dead animals or exhibits looking and staring at u, face on.. oh wells, one day burnt.. left one more day left larz...

a place where imagination runs wild

a place where imagination runs wild..
a place where pple doesnt seem to care..
a place where i can freely express myself..
a place where anything and everything goes..
a place where i can krap as much as i like..

haha yups tgif.. had biology lab today.. did some extracting DNA from a pea and thylmus thingy.. and also to test for protein, phosphate, purines and sugar.. yeah, den after eng lecture, went for the health science talk and yup cleared up some doubts.. i can still get into med sch after i finish biomed sci.. haha.. good larz...

den went wif nadia to town.. while we were walking, we met michael.. he hasnt been to sch for like two weeks already.. wonder if he ever got the warning letter a not.. haha but i dont think so bahz, he might not get it anyway cos he is a pr too.. jus like me.. muhaha.. dats like one thing good as well.. and also we have more places than the international pple.. woah, realised tt we were not good shoppers.. walk walk and walk, walk until legs so aching lorz.. yups, i admit dat i'm not a good shopper.. cant believe those shopaholics can shop until so long.. oh ya, we went to the new farmers and it really looks like isetan or metro or og in sg.. really.. this is no joke.. we parted at abt 6pm.. its just tt the both of us were like so super tired larz.. den while waiting for the bus, met gepke den talked for a while and later denny walked past too.. wad a small world it is after all..

there's a world of hope and a world of fun,
there's a world of .. (i dunno the rest of the song le)
blah blah blah...
its a small small world..

looking forward to going to rebel sports tmw.. yay!

mrt gal

time for me to blog again.. its early in the morning, and phew i feel so much better after krapping out evrything.. haha.. ytd nite, talked to wanrong and lindy online.. i haf no idea why they r online when their prelims are like fast fast approaching.. or shld i say that it has already started larz.. gp paper was over.. yups, haiz.. miss all those times krapping wif them and chilling at pjc cafe aka sch canteen.. haha.. slacking ard in the canteen and talking krap. or shld i say waiting for time to pass. wadever.. bleah, today is gonna be a boring day.. have like one hr physics, bio lect, one hr eng, and two hr maths.. all in all, i've only been in sch for like 5hrs.. life here really sucks.. no joy, no happiness.. juz pure mugging.. pple here juz dont go out, cos everywhere closes so early.. its like by the time i end sch all are closed already.. so no use like wasting time going here and there.. there is no point! when i get back to sg, will go visit all the shopping centres all ard sg.. yesh.. and will be back to being an mrt gal, taking the train everyday.. haha.. okies, i might be back to blog later..

choc fudge or vanilla fudge? (random)

today's blog is an outlet of regression for me, i apologise in advance for the crude language if i may accidentally use some.. bud i need to get it off me if not i may juz explode some time later start here: wah lau, i get wad u mean, finally after u said it out loud... even though u didnt mean to say it out loud in front of us, but i'm not stupid.. i can think for myself.. smarty-pants, u r not the only one in the world okay.. hello, look around man.. how many pple are there in the world!! i'm like super pissed off man.. i wont mention names larz.. but i think u know who u r **, if ever u happen to come online to read my blog.. in general i cant stand pple tt go ard asking ur marks and everyone else's one as well.. really, i cant stand it.. u might be very very smart and know all ur stuff, the more u shld help the rest rite, but instead wad r u doing? hao-lianing and thinking tt u r superior as compared to ur fellow counterparts.. trying to eliminate all ur competitors in order to get wad u want.. and wad is tt? to get into med sch rite, i knew it man!! i've been keeping this in me for a long long time, as u noe i dun express myself out loud for the whole world to know.. personally i think ur little tandrums really irritate me.. i think tt u r very "xiao qi", cant even take little jokes and always wanting to be the best.. wel, its not the first time tt u walk away from something, and expect me to follow u out and wad, hong u.. utter rubbish man.. i can understand if its like once in a while.. but no! it has already occurred for five times i think.. even tho i didnt comment anything but at least u shld be sensitive to ur surroundings.. at the rate u r going, i really dont think tt u might be able to make any true friends here alrites, serious since u take ur so-called friends as competitors.. i dont even think tt u see them as aquaintainces larz.. haiz, i'm thinking of all those times in sg.. be it in pj or fm.. haiz... can i ever turn back time? i really wonder.. ponder ponder ponder..

i miss gou-gou!

time to blog again.. heaved a sigh of relieved knowing that gou-gou went for her vacination long ago liaoz.. man, she is like my cute little dear dear.. the cutest dog and the best dog that any gal might have more than anything else..
yups, today is kinda a boring day man.. tuesdays are always boring larz.. esp with the 3hr break in between lessons.. sometimes u juz dont feel like doing anything.. juz feel like slacking and juz let the time pass u by w/o even saying hi.. yeah, juz krapping larz. i haf like another 20mins more before eng lessons.. oh ya, einstein only used up 3% of his brain rite? i really wonder then how much haf i used up.. so whenever someone says tt their brains are gonna burst or used up all the brain cells, it is definitely not true! seriously i really wonder how much have i finished using up.. i juz feel like slacking even though i know that this yr is important yr and tt i cant afford to lose out to the rest.. i've become so competitive.. struggling and mugging hard to keep up with the rest of the competitors during the 100m dash.. its a fast race and i noe that a good headstart would ultimately be impt in achieving success in the rest of the 80m of the race until the finish line.. haha.. okies too much krap, i gtg for lessons already..

ahh, gou-gou is so cute! cant stand it larz, den shld i sit on it??

monday blues..

haiz, its monday again.. went to sch as usual at 9am.. had chem tutorial and r. tapper gave us back our papers, got 22 out of 33 for chem test.. yups, sucks i noe.. aha, juz have to mug harder larz.. den had bio tutorial and stewart gave us back our bio lab exit test.. hmm not bad larz, got like 85 out of 100.. haha.. after tt had our open-book bio test.. haha, i came to realise tt if its a open-book test rite, the qns would be harder as compared to a normal test. dats rite.. actually nothing much really happened today larz.. juz a normal monday wif tonnes of lessons and rushing here and there as usual.. the monday rush... yups, tmw haf physics test.. woah, this time is not multiple choice qns, i'm shocked man.. oh wells.. aha.. alrites, oh ya i also went to develop my photos.. was alrite larz, it was on photo paper.. i developed 82 pics, so imagine if i were to go to the kodak shop or something like tt.. i would be spending like fifty odd juz on photos.. so thot tt it wasnt really worth it larz..

wadever happens, it happens for a reason!

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.

2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.

12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.

13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.

the END of the weekends..

its sunday again.. haha, ytd didnt go online at nite.. was too tired larz.. finished bio tutorial and now left chem tutorial.. bleah, i have like tonnes to do.. let me count, i think have like 4 chpts to do.. monday got open book bio test and tues got physics test.. muz really go buck up liaoz.. yeah, pulling up my socks.. practically doing so..

lets see wad i did today.. went to church in the morning and so paiseh, tried to play on the drums and ya u shld knoe wad happens next.. paiseh-ed myself larz.. aha, its really hard to co-ordinate okies. one hand do this, the other do that, and one leg this and the other that.. but on a lighter note, it was my first attempt on the drum set.. only played the side drums larz.. haha.. slack ard in church for a while before coming home.. had lunch and did a little of chemistry... got tired of chemistry den came online and had a nice chat with edwin.. and still doing so.. i hope...

yups, and tmw i need to go develop the photos in my memory card.. yay, finally get to develop them and clear the card, if not it would be forever stuck in there.. actually most of it is krap larz, anyhow snapping ard.. yesh.. i thereby hope and pray tt the coming week would be a wonderful and meaningful one..

not fair, those peeps in s'pore are having their hols now.. bleah.. when ever can our hols clash ar?i dont ever think it would larz.. maybe only the december summer hols... talking abt tt, the long awaited spring is finally here.. even so, its not very warm now.. slowly it is getting there..

more blah blah for less moolah

hmm, its been a long time since i last blogged.. yups, been very busy wif all the tests and presentations.. finally its the weekend, time dat i get to myself, to do wadever i like and without having to go to sch.. but i guess staying at home means wasting my time as well.. like slacking and not doing anything when i noe i'm suppose to.. sad but true.. its juz that sometimes i dont feel like doing anything.. giving myself a break.. okies enuff of such krap..

went bowling on friday and yeah it was really fun.. havent enjoyed myself for a long long time already.. or shld i say havent lauff so much and hard for a long time.. thanks to denny, nad, zhou yaw, and all u guys tt bowled along wif us.. boy, it was really fun.. where bowling doesnt seem like bowling.. we cant possibly strike so many times lorz.. every other group was like playing so seriously and we were anyhow playing.. throwing two balls at the same time and causing a screw-up to the pins mechanism.. blahz.. but it was really fun..

den half way thru, we went to play air hockey.. hs A vs hs D.. haha.. krap larzz.. play until the next day, my hand aching so badly.. haha and i guess altogether we might have spent quite a lot on the air hockey machine... nahz but it doesnt really matter, its all in the name of fun.. for me, its a sort of relieving and relaxing after a week of hard work.. cool sia, i hope tt can contd having these sort of activities more often.. maybe our class going out for dinner or for a game. =)

okies, tonite is a nite of catching up wif hmwk and tutorials.. seriously, u dont know how much i have to do.. if i make a list, it would be never-ending.. tataz..

unbelonged

UNBELONGED, if there is such a word to symbolise wadever i feel larz.. its like i feel so distant from my other friends in singapore.. today is teacher's day, yet in new zealand i woke up to yet another new day going to school and having lectures and tutorials.. juz another old normal day at sch again.. bleah.. why dont they have teacher's day here as well.. den i can have another day off sch.. come to think of it ar, i think sg got more hols den nz lehz.. like u add up all the public holidays together, it shld be more than wad i'm having now..
yups, juz finish one presentation and now by the request of my tchr, would have to do another presentation of wad i said ytd again.. how sad can tt be rite.. so i guess it only boils down to one thing, either it was too bad or too good.. ytd there were two others doing the presentation as well and me and tabrez got to do it again for the malaysian medical sch students to see.. yups, den again my presentation is on discrimination, so i am like kinda afraid tt it might somehow offend them and might spark out another riot of something.. like the 1965 race riots in sg.. that was like really bad and the result would be disastrous.. well, i'm juz praying that i dont say anything tt might offend others tmw.. bud anyway i dont really care do i... juz wanna get it over and done with.. and tmw will yet again fight wif tabrez over who to go first.. haha.. all krap larz..
suddenly i thot of developing all the photos in my memory card. bud dats like 104 photos at 60C each would like cost $62.40 in all.. haiz.. shld i or shld i not? i really feel like lehz..