









"Men need women, and women need each other."
As young girls we learn the prestige of being named a "best friend." We learn that its a coveted and honored title and not to be taken lightly. And in my 29 years of life I have come to a deeper understanding of what it means to be a best friend and the blessing of having best friends.
The title "best friend" ,to me, means that at some point, you have accepted one another for who you are. Flaws, hangups, imperfections and all. There is a commonality that bonds you tighter than just a friend. That you are able to see past all of the mess to see the person underneath. The person that is going through life the only way they know how. Being a best friend means that you care for their well being and root them on no matter their position. That you listen to them, because sometimes, that's all you can do. That you pick up the phone when they call. That you make time for them. That you can count on their honest opinion. That there is a shoulder to cry on. That they know your heart even when you say the most atrocious thing.
The beauty of best friends is that they are probably with you as you grow and change and are probably running the race right beside you. They are your playground buddy, your cafeteria table mate, your pompom sideline partner, your hot off the press drivers license passenger, your sleepover go-to, your late night landline phone call, your first college roommate, your heartbreak eyewitness, your fill in boyfriend, your shopping enabler, your designated driver, your last call reminder, your dance party double, your fashion guru, your bridesmaid, your first real coworker, your emergency contact, your baby shower hostess, your hospital visitor, your last minute babysitter, your beach chair sidekick, your morning/afternoon/late night rendezvous, your vault of secrets, your stand-in when you've lost the strength to pray, your belly-laugh-till-you-cry instigator, your cranked up to 20 Taylor Swift soprano harmony, your interpreter, your second opinion, your therapist, your emergency last ditch effort parachute, your outside perspective, your backup, your cover up, your no questions asked best friend.
Here's to all my besties who have been with me and beside me and who have helped me accept and love myself for who I am at one point or another. I couldn't have done it as gracefully without you.
Talking with a friend recently, I realized that this is indeed my last year as a twenty-something. Which, obviously the memory sector of my brain will be hit the hardest by age if I'm already forgetting how old I really am. And the age itself doesn't really bother me. I refuse to give those silly numbers power, but what does make me gasp is how the time has flown by. And I have decided that to let anymore time go by without telling the people I care for most how much they mean to me would be wasteful of my last few months as a twenty-somthing. So to celebrate the closing of my second decade on this planet I will be writing about the ones I love who helped me along the way to be the person I am now. After all, the nicest things I say about the people I love most shouldn't just be at their funerals. Life goes by too quickly, and I want the ones I care about to know that they matter to me. And the first lucky winner is ...my sister! So, this one's for you Jenn.
Why Sisters Are The Best
If you are lucky enough to be a girl and also have a sister then you know that it means, whether you like it or not, there is someone on this earth very similar to you, genetically or otherwise. And while that doesn't sound so amazing....let me explain.
Having a sister means that you had another female in the house to go to other than mom. That you had a different but maybe more understanding female perspective on hair or clothes or makeup or boys. It means that there is someone who shares your life point of view. Who grew up with the same parents in the same house living on the same income making things work day in and day out just like you did. It means that even though responsibilities might have fallen differently for each of you, you were probably raised similarly. With the same foundations. With the same cornerstones. They took the same how-to course in Family as you and inheritly understand your roots. Sisters not only know your back story, they know how you FELT about your story. Because girls major in Feelings by nature. And your sister is the first female, who is not your mother, that you learn to relate to. She is your only classmate in the school of Being A Girl until you are brave enough to find other suitable substitutes. And if you are as lucky as I was to have an older sister then you know that you had someone to check you before you wrecked you{rself}. Someone to pull the plug on the bad ideas before they were REALLY bad ideas. Someone to talk you down from the oh so dramatic ledge you worked yourself on to. Someone to provide the first examples of girl power. Someone to push you to think again. Find a better way. Compromise. Share. Accept. Relate. Empathize. Sacrifice. Accept or offer help when needed. And someone to teach you how to love another female through their faults. That giving up and walking away after an argument or disagreement proves to be a lonely option. That a difference in opinion or position doesn't make her better or lesser....it just makes her different.
Sisters are the best because, if they are anything like my mine, they teach us and in return learn from us, in our earliest years, how to one day be a woman who opens up and shares with other women. How to band together for a common good. How to get past differences and help each other. How to see past the surface layer, the one we all put on when we leave our homes, and find the true value in each other. How to forgive and accept that we are all women doing the best we can each day. Such valuable lessons in a world where we are tempted daily to do the exact opposite. So this one goes out to all sisters, "big" and "little" and all of the wonderful in-betweens....and especially to my sister, Jennifer.
I've often said that one day I will write a book about grandma's life. Although no one would believe half of what I wrote because, if I hadn't heard it from the woman herself, even I wouldn't believe some of the stories she told. Some too awful to imagine, some too sad to bear, and some too outrageous be real. But weaved in and out and throughout her stories and her life is a common thread of strength. Grandma acquired a stubborn steadfast strength that could outlast and outwill anyone or anything. I believe it was this same strength that may have given her the...shall we say...disagreeable side that some knew her to have. I'd be lying if I said she got along with everyone....because she didn't. But as a woman and a mother, I believe that we all do the best that we know to do. And I think she did the best she knew to do. And I also believe that where there is strength, there is something to be learned. So I want to share a few of the things that I have learned from one of the strongest women I know... grandma dot.
I learned that time spent with children is never time wasted. That it may take a little longer to get things done and there may be a mess to clean up...but lessons are learned and memories are made. You see grandma taught me the absolute best way to peel a hardboiled egg. The importance of good penmanship. the advantages of having a great smile. To always look my best when leaving the house...and for her that was a swipe of her favorite raspberry pink lipstick. that a painfully tight french braid after bathtime meant princess worthy waves in my hair the next day. That sparing the rod would inevitably spoil the child and being spoiled was the absolute WORST quality anyone could have. That a frying pan could indeed be used for self defense. that homemade is always better. That the shape of the paintbrush tip was dependent upon the project at hand. That asking nicely can get you just about anything from her sewing room. That fly swatters could be used both for insects and unruly children. She taught me the recipe for a good mud pie and the ingredients to the best make-believe witches brew. she taught me the satisfaction of working hard and giving your best....even when it meant donning rubber gloves to pick up all of the fallen rotten apples from the tree out back. That the best way to clean a potty mouth was with a toothbrush and a bar of soap. That any household chore is made easier with the radio on. That moth balls in the flower beds keep the rodents away...a bb gun is also acceptable. she taught me the importance of honoring a birthday and what it means to a child when you show up to every.single.one. That highschool plays,dance recitals, and cheering from the sideline of football games is always more fun when grandma is in the audience cheering for you right back. That simple things like popsicle sticks, glue and glitter can make a holiday special. That the best way to greet anyone is with a smile and a pat on the back. That you can make a child eat anything, even salmon patties, when they are left at the table alone long enough. That a sense of humor is necessary and that you can snicker your way out of just about anything. That grandma is the 2nd call you make from school when dad doesnt answer and you need to play hookie for the 3rd time that month. That arguing with your elders, especially her, is pointless and obedience is rarely regretted. that a day should never begin without a cup of coffee. That kisses are never too sloppy and hugs are never too tight. That men are ridiculous and it's our job to tell them. But that strong women like us need a man who will tell her no if need be. And that sometimes our families need a strong woman to hold things together when the seams of life wear thin. She taught me that cats are the devil's pet and should be treated as such....especially if they wandered over from a nearby residence. That money won't buy a child's love. That women are almost always stronger than they look and with enough conviction can accomplish just about anything. And that time spent with loved ones around the table talking and laughing and asking questions about their lives lets them know that you care and that they matter to you. And I learned all of those things from her and will miss her because she did just that. I only hope that my children grow to cherish their memories with their grandparents as much as I have cherished my memories with Grandma. And my tears are not tears of sadness. They are tears of respect and love for one of the strongest women I know.