21 April 2011

I'm just so amused sitting on the train journey from Tachikawa to Shinjuku during the evening rush hour... 

I'm seated in between two middle-aged perpetually-grunting salarymen with stinky bad breaths. On top of that i see tired tokyoites sleeping in all sort of positions, unlike the glamorous image they usually try to preserve. The same guy who was fixing his painstakingly waxed hairstyle would absentmindedly sleep leaning back against the window pane, leaving his mouth agape. 

I've also noticed that pointed shoes are the footwear of choice of many salarymen. Moreover, it seems that many high school girls make it a point to make their skirts as short as possible without showing their goose-bumped butt cheeks. Now, let's not discuss the hentai paradise of escalators.

As we pass through each station, I love watching the image of people packed into each carriages, framed perfectly by the opened doors, just like every artfully captured photo. It's nice to be back in Tokyo. 

Hope springs eternal

I feel especially blessed today. My heart is filled with simple warmth, not unlike the balmy weather we have been bestowed upon these few days. Perhaps its the potent combination of meeting some lovely new people, being given the various opportunities to admire the devastatingly beautiful sakura during this season, observing the Japanese society get themselves together after the Tohoku earthquake to enjoy their annual ohanami parties, meeting my students again and hearing their relief and gratitude towards my return to Tokyo. I'm just so glad to be back. It's times like this when I feel like I've finally done something right with my life. Not that everything had been a disaster until now, but I suppose I'm thankful to be able to sit back, reflect upon the last few months and appreciate everything that have happened in my life. There were the post-quake panic, there were the big aftershocks reminding me that I'm back in earthquake capital of the world. But still!

This is my first spring experience. I guess it's a bit out of the ordinary because of the post-earthquake situation and we're still not out of some nuclear danger. Nevertheless, time and tide waits for no man and springtime has sprung upon us like clockwork. It's utterly breathtaking. One can only truly appreciate the beauty of spring only after experiencing a harsh winter. Only when one is resigned to the eternal chill and barrenness of the land, Spring blooms from under our nose without us noticing. Then all of a sudden, when you realise that it's a little too warm to wear your winter coat, you also begin to notice all the different colours around you. I've never imagined rose bushes to look as vivacious as they are. I've never imagined cherry blossoms to look so delicately elegant. I've never imagined wild flowers to look so pretty and dignified.

Spring in Japan is definitely a good time. It's a pity that my family has decided to give it a miss due to the extraordinary circumstances. Especially with the hanami season, all of the country have poured out of their homes to view the cherry blossoms. It really feels like the whole country is having a giant music festival of some sorts. People picnicking and drinking merrily in the park, you hear laughter all around; people playing music on their guitars or just playing them from their stereos; people painting the scenery; people getting enthusiastic about something as silly as rowing the boat on the lake. The happiness is well infectious. In a country like this, you can only believe that they will make it good. I still believe in Japan and you should too! :)

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city

After I touched down in Changi Airport, I was glad to be home to see all my friends and family again, but I didn't feel particularly good about being away from Japan at the height of the crisis. I was worried about my friends who were still in Japan. Thank god for facebook because they allowed us to keep in touch conveniently. I wasn't able to sleep peacefully at night for the first week I was home. Perhaps home was too comfortable compared to my week of sleepless nights since the earthquake. I think there will still be more aftershocks and I hope that I will be able to live through the slight tremors just like before the major quake. I will die from sleep deprivation and fright if that continued to happen. Home has been nice, but I've been rather bored. I don't have strong cravings from certain type of local dishes and I don't have strong desires to visit certain places. Some places did bring back some vivid memories though, but as time passes, I'm sure it'd continue to fade from technicolour to a muted sepia.

Nevertheless, I had the privilege of popping into Bangkok for a short trip to visit J. It had been a brilliant plan because I would be bored during the weekdays anyway. At the airport on Tuesday afternoon, I was just thinking of how often I've visited airports since 2008. Every return trip would involve 4 airports and suddenly I realised how dependent I had been on airports and airplanes to see people and places which matter to me.

Anyhow, BKK was a refreshing change from the familiarity of Singapore town. It was an even better surprise to find BKK in the middle of an unexpected cold front when I arrived. It felt good to feel a bit chilly, although I'm not such a big fan of icy cold showers in the mornings. It was really good to see J again, even as friends. Everything felt like how it had always been, minus the physical affection and intimacy. I must admit that occasionally I wished for the warm and safe embrace offered by his arms but I'm truly glad that we are still good friends. I won't want to jeopardise that in any way. It had been fun. BKK is so amazing because hardly anything has changed since I last visited in 2008. The same shops are still in Siam Square, traffic jams are still there, Swensens still look like the one we had in Singapore 10 years ago, thai massages still hurt me like hell, I still cry eating spicy Thai food and everyone still thinks that I'm Thai... Okay, I'm going to give it some credit - the airport link is finally open!

So that was my trip and so much thanks to J for going out of his way many times to be such a lovely host in one of my favourite exotic but frentic city. His nan passed last thursday evening and he had been able to be pretty stoic about it, my deepest regrets and love to him and his family. I met her once and she was an absolute sweetheart. Well... I'm due back in the sprawling city of Tokyo in a couple of days and I'm a bit scared now after being on a break for so long. Hopefully I'll ease back in smoothly and that my work schedule fills up to make up for lost time. I also some issues with the BUC workshop which I pray and hope will work out with as little fuss as possible. My brother just told me that my dad got a mortgage on the house and that's making me well worried. Why the hell is he doing that? I'm in no position to tell what my dad does with his money, but sometimes I'm really scared at what he does. I just hope that he knows what he's doing. That said, it makes me want to be completely 100% financially independent. With all the earthquake disruptions, it has put a massive dent in my plans to earn and save money. Now I'm living under my parents' roof and I feel guilty for doing so. I should seriously start thinking of what my plans are, after this Japanese stint. J said his dad told him that if you can justify what you do, then you've found the key to happiness. I'd say - use this advice only if you believe it. It works both ways in my opinion.

So this morning, I was reading the papers and it said that about only 20% of the population wants to emigrate overseas and that was a good thing. I would think that 20% is a significant part of the population and it surely isn't the exception... It gets really annoying when the mass media in Singapore is so blatantly obvious that it's the mouthpiece of the government, I'm sure it's not that hard to look neutral with some careful wording??? At least try to fool us convincingly. So anyway before I digress, I think 20% is a good part of the community who wants to explore the world. I'm glad that at least 1 in 5 people are having the same outlook as me, because Singapore is like a warm bath which you'd never want to get out, but at the same time, it's not so much fun being a swollen and wrinkled prune in the bath for the rest of your life. A bath is particularly luxurious when you're out and about toiling, exploring, discovering, learning, breathing, fighting. I see Singapore as a safe haven to return to once in a while to get my fixes, but it's not particularly attractive as a place to do the former. That's my choice - I'll always be a Singaporean. I really like our unique identity and I love my home together with all my loved ones here, but doesn't mean that I must stay put.

And while I'm home, things seem to be rather exciting with all sorts of scandals coming to light. First, this elitist Samantha chick who dissed the heartlanders for going to Holland Village in their chui clothes. Second, this hilarious Tin Pei Ling who amuses me to no end with her jabber-gabber which was full of PAP keywords without answering the questions directly fielded by the reporters. Lastly, it's the photograph of the NS boy with a maid carrying his field pack. What is Singapore coming to???