ごめんえ。

I'm coming home, if things go well. I don't feel so good about it though. My housemates are worried and are still torn over what to do, in light of the growing nuclear crisis. They were worried about me because I'm by myself, but at least I can make decisions by myself. My couply friends have to debate and discuss what to do as each person has their own needs, fears, concerns and commitments. I can hear my neighbour sobbing now as they talk about they should do. :(

Please please please please not let this become a horrible horrible disaster. Japan has suffered enough. I am worried and I feel terrible for being able to go home when not everyone else has the opportunity to do so. I'm sorry. Really sorry. I had thought that I was truly going to stick it out with everyone else here, the least I could do was to conserve some energy and provide comfort to my friends who are equally worried. And now I'm leaving them. I think they are very understanding and I'm sure that my departure has affected their morale to grit this out.

Please forgive me. In light of the seriousness of the current situation, I had chosen to ease my parents' and families' fears for me, instead of being selfish and staying here. I have to admit that my growing fears about the situation has also contributed to my decision to leave. When I switched on the telly this morning to watch CNN, i was utterly horrified to find more ominous news about the nuclear situation. I have lost any faith I had left in TEPCO. Radiation has hit Tokyo now and my mom freaked out just because I've left the house to meet my friend in the neighbouring town for lunch.

It's been difficult trying to keep calm in this sort of situation and I've been contemplating which is the best option. I'm mentally stressed by trying to think of something while being spooked by the constant aftershocks. My fears of the radiation is also getting to me and nothing seems to help. News have been especially depressing. I fear for the victims. They are even closer to Fukushima than Tokyo. I fear for my friends who can't leave because it is their home. I worry about my friends who chose to stay here because they think it's the best. I'm terrified that Japan will be thrown into more chaos with a potential nuclear meltdown which might happen over the next few days. I have grown to love this country and its people, even though I've only been here for a short while. Please please please please please show us some light at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully, the tunnel isn't too long.

Sincerely,

me x

困ったな

G left Tokyo for home. I didn't expect him to do that. Perhaps I secretly wanted to do the same, but I can't believe that he really really left. Especially when he's seeing another Japanese girl here. All respect lost.

期待

The planned power outages are being postponed now. So we are all waiting to see what's going to happen. On top of those victims who are struggling to stay alive in this disaster, everyone's trying to figure out how to deal with this crisis. Corporations scrambling to ensure some kind of normalcy in their business operations, mothers trying to keep their children calm and well-fed with a steady supply of food, people going to work although the transport system is more or less half-shut down. I'm off work today and it's making me feel rather jumpy because I can't do stuff without thinking of the larger picture.

I was feeling downright terrified a while ago after watching more CNN news on the Telly in the lounge with some of my housemates. Suddenly I felt so alone and helpless here. My family is asking me to return home and I'm somewhat tempted because the nuclear situation is nowhere near resolution and the incoming news only appear to be more serious. I don't want people to get worried about me, because worrying resolves nothing. On the other hand, I really don't want to leave because I can't just ditch my work, ditch my friends and these people here who have helped me settle into Tokyo. I suppose if I could I got just go AWOL but I doubt I'll ever have the face or the permission (my work visa will definitely be withdrawn) to come back to Japan anymore, given that I fled at the first sight of misfortune...

Although Tokyo is far off from Miyagi prefecture and there has hardly been any serious damage here, everyone's preparing for the M7 quake aftershock which has a likelihood of 70% occurrence over the next couple of days. Fingers crossed that our buildings are still able to withstand further impact. I think the greater worry is regarding the nuclear power plants emergencies. Everyone's afraid of the dreaded Nuclear meltdown and causing widespread radiation exposure to the people of Japan. We're currently 200km away from the Fukushima plant, but I suppose in the event that the meltdown occurs, all of us won't be able to escape the radioactive fumes from the incident.

There's a quiet and orderly sense of panic in Tokyo. Everyone's taking it into their stride as well as they can. Nobody is in hysteria, but the shelves of the supermarts and konbinis are getting stripped bare because incoming supplies are slow. I would think that most supplies are headed north to help with the resecue efforts. This is further compounded by the fact that some people are stocking up on essentials JUST IN CASE. I know of some people who are preparing to leave either Tokyo or Japan. This is another tricky situation because while I want to ride this out as far as possible. What if it comes down to a terrible situation where I really want to go home to seek shelter, it's probably too late. Yet I don't want to leave prematurely like a coward.

There are 2 men working on the newly built apartments next to our house. The sight of them working gives me courage. They must believe that everything will be back to normal soon. Fight-on everyone. Happy White Day! (If you're celebrating it!) x

The aftermath

Thank god I'm able to type this.

It's been more than 24 hours since the quake struck Japan yesterday evening and many of us didn't know what hit us until we switched on the Telly. It was an experience of a lifetime. Something which I really have no desire to go through again. Knowing the fact that I'm in Tokyo, Japan, which is still expecting the BIG quake to hit, doesn't seem to make me feel any better.

Yesterday's events just went past in a blur, but my fear still feels very vivid.

It was a gorgeous day. I went running in Koganei park that Friday morning and I was admiring the blossoming plum trees. I was happily thinking to myself that Spring is finally arriving, although the weather still seems pretty cold. I got back home and made myself some hearty brunch. I was sitting outside for a while, then it started to get very windy and chilly. I headed back inside.

I had a hot shower and I was getting dressed for work when I felt the house shaking. I was just thinking Oooh- Earthquake. I've felt it many times since I've arrived, and most of them just rumble on for a short while before passing. They don't evoke much anxiety. This one felt really different because the shaking felt stronger, it was unlike anything I've felt. I opened my door to look around the corridor because I remembered that's what Camilla told me to do in the event of an earthquake. The irony was that we were just discussing about earthquakes the day before and how it's been pretty tame so far. Then this one hit us.

So everything was rattling violently in my room and I decided to go out of the house in my bathrobe. I saw our neighbours out on the street as well. The shaking continued for about 5 minutes. We finally felt it subside and then we decided to go back to our rooms. Soon after, the rattling started again. So once more, we poured out of our house. We went into the lounge when it was safer to look at the news. It appears that a HUGE-ASS quake had hit the north eastern part of Japan and the tsunami washing over the Miyagi prefecture was just spine-chillingly devastating.

No doubt the quake we felt here was bad, but nothing like what's happening up north. I finally got dressed before I had to go out into the streets in indecent attire, and it wasn't long before I had to go out again! It was crazy. I came back to see my room half-trashed up with contents all over the floor. My shot glasses broke as they fell unto the ground. The wooden beams were shedding wooddust and cracks seemed to look larger than before. I hastily tidied up the room before trying to contact my workplace. I couldn't contact my office at all as all the mobile telecom connections were either blocked, jammed or down. I rushed to the train station to find that it was closed. I then rushed to the payphone to call some more, but nobody picked up the phone. I returned to the house and we just sat around in the lounge watching the news. It was as disturbing as it was fascinating. It was like watching scenes out of a hollywood disaster movie. It was then one of our housemates came back into the house and said he walked home all the way from Shinjuku as the trains stopped. Another came back saying he walked home from Kokubunji. I'm just so relieved to know that they are ok!

We were definitely upset by the scenes we saw on TV, but we decided to have an Earthquake party to calm our nerves. It was kind of inappropriate, but there was nothing else we could do. The news was extremely depressing. However, Japanese TV had a matter-of-fact coverage of the day's events, whereas CNN made it extremely sensational. I guess I'm not the best person to judge which is better - I just got that contrasting feelings as I flipped between the two channels.

Aftershocks kept on coming. Last night hardly anyone had a peaceful rest because there were a couple of strong tremors which woke people up. Tension is thick in the air, but I was glad to see more people make it back home in one piece this morning. I was advised to stock up on some food and water just in case the big one strikes to Tokyo. So let's keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best. Unfortunately, I currently have a bad headache probably from the lack of sleep and my constant worrying about the tremors. I can't differentiate the difference between a proper ground tremor or if I'm just feeling dizzy!!!

My heart goes out to those victims who had it 12345678998754324X worse than we Tokyoites did. I hope everyone will be able to find their loved ones amidst the chaos. We'll have to wait and see. I pray that we'll be able to wait it out with minimal damage. The potential nuclear disaster is still a ticking time bomb as well. We're all scared. Humanity is still at the mercy of nature. Hang in there everyone.