Behold!! The Power of Pork!!

Mmmmmmmm.....bacon goodness. Now all I need is some of Contagion's homemade booze...um...I mean distilled water...yeah...that's the ticket.

Weekend Fun

Holy Crap!!!!
We got to spend a fabulous weekend in a town more in touch with the cuurent century.

San Antonio was a blast.
We saw our best buds from Columbia.
Ate well.
Pat O'Briens and Hurricane's
Margarita's made the correct way.
Participated in a thriving nightlife.
Watched New Orleans transplants spend FEMA dollars in a way I'm not sure was intended.
Ahhhhh room service.
Watched Texas Tech get a great big dose of reality. Hah!!!
Beautiful sunsets.
Best buds from Columbia again... They rock.
Went to the oldest Saloon in Texas. Since 1933, 55,000,000 beers served.
And oh by the way....Napster got invited to be an honorary Coyote at Coyote Ugly
She's the one in the middle...



Big fun had by all, now it's back to work. I hate work.

*Big Guy and The Blinker* - Had a blast. We love you guys and we'll see you soon.

Everyone Pray to the Travel Gods

Spurs and I have this lovely short vacation planned for the end of this week where we get to fly to an actual cool city in Texas and meet up with our friends from home. We have really been looking forward to this and it has been booked for a few months now.

So, thinking I'm doing the right thing, I go out a couple of weeks ago to get my new Texas license plates and my Texas drivers license. And foolishly I thought this State was much like the other States I've lived in where they actually give you your full on drivers license before you leave the building. WRONG. They took my SC license away from me and hand me this nice piece of paper and say - if you haven't gotten your license in 60 days call us. WTF?!?!?!

Okay, so panic hadn't set in yet until Spurs says - what about your upcoming flights?? Hasn't your passport expired too? Hmmm, yeth caller it has, and um yeth I don't have any sort of government issued photo i.d. F*CK!

So I frantically send off my expired passport and renewal app next day air with the extra HUGE fee to expedite the process and think - I'll get either my new drivers license or my renewed passport by the time we leave. This was a week ago. I call the passport office yesterday and they say "Yes, the PA office got your application and sent it off to the other office that issues your passport last Thursday but we have no indication that they have gotten it yet". GREAT - there is no way I'm getting that before Thursday of this week!

So I call the airline we are flying on and they say, just bring something with your name and a picture on it and the paper temporary license along with your Social Security Card and you will be fine. RIGHT. When has an airline ever made anything fine?

So I go out today to Kinko's where they make this lovely laminated card with my picture on it and my name, address, dob, etc. It looks like a 5 year old made this stupid card. Why do I have the feeling this isn't going to work?

So, I'm trying to keep my spirits up and think positively and am hoping some sort of government issued photo i.d. will come in the mail either today or tomorrow. So I need everyone out there to send positive vibes my way because I desperately need this short vacation! I'm going to be traveling like crazy for work here in the next few weeks and I need to have some fun before that!

Football Pools + Napster = Disaster

Okay, first of all I'm not that comfortable that Spurs put me in charge of one of his football pool thingee's but I'm a trooper and I will do it for him. So, keeping that in mind (Contagion) I am doing the best with the little skills that I have.

First of all, I had to go online (since Morrigan didn't answer my call today) to find out what type of actions = what type of points (i.e. touchdowns, fieldgoals, etc.) Therefore my point picks wouldn't look stupid.

Secondly, I picked the winning teams this way - which town would I rather fly into to visit. Okay, Pittsburgh wasn't a town that I "wanted" to fly into but since it's Spurs' fave team I picked it. (Geez, how many times do I have to hear "Where is my Terrible Towel" and "Why did you wash it?")

Next week I will go with a different approach - maybe team mascots versus one another or team colors and how badly they clash. Who knows. I will keep you updated on my progress.

Corporate Lessons

We got this email from a friend today - too funny...

Corporate Lesson #1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she could say a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel that you have on." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Corporate Lesson #2
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, Father, remember Psalm 129?"The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. Changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologized, "Sorry, Sister, but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance, and went on her way. Upon his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Corporate Lesson #3
A sales representative, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one.""Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas, and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone."OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Corporate Lesson #4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not?"So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested. All ofa sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Corporate Lesson #5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally, after a fourth night, there he was, proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: BS might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Corporate Lesson #6
In Africa, every morning a gazelle awakens knowing that it must outrun the fastest lion if it wants to stay alive. Every morning, a lion wakes up knowing it must run faster than the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death.

Moral of the story: It makes no difference whether you are a gazelle or a lion: When the sun comes up, you had better be hauling a$$.

And what not...

I don't normally talk about work but I have to in this particular case.
It always amazes me how fiscally conservative upper management becomes as we prepare to close out a year. Now all of a sudden, the money well has gone dry and every one is hoppin' around wanting to know where it went. It's called a budget....look into it.

That aside, Napster and I have been quite the traveling duo. I'm off tomorrow to the teeming Metropolis of Boiling Springs, SC. It's the kind of place that would get a big Hee-Haw salute back in the day. Looking forward to this one...

Napster is heading to California and Alaska. We're getting lots of t-shirts...

I have turned over my fantasy pick-em league to Napster. I couldn't pick my nose these last few weeks and she has this elaborate way of picking games involving team colors and mascots being able to beat one another up. It's got to be better than what I've been doing.

The Cardinals are in the Division finals. Love it.
The Braves lost. Love it.
The Yankees lost. Love it.
The Steelers are winning and Roethlisberger isn't hurt as bad as first thought. Love it.
In first place in two of my fantasy leagues plus made my money back. Love it.

Sissy blew through town this past weekend.
We danced.
I sang.
We balanced cups on our head.
Quality hi-jinx I tell you. At least for TLTTF.

Time off is over due. I need a break.
Gotta go pack....woo-hoo

A Nice Evening Out in TLTTF Texas

Spurs and I were trying to decide what we wanted for dinner last night. Usually that involves some sort of delivery or drive-thru and sometimes we just call in and pick-up. So, Spurs decides he wants to get some take-out from the new Hibachi style place up the street. At this point in the day I am in sweat-pants, t-shirt and flip-flops as is Spurs. So we decide what the heck, we will just head out and order once we get there and wait for our food. No need to change clothes for that.

When we arrive Spurs notices they have a Sushi Bar and since the place wasn't that crowded we decide to go ahead and eat there. Yes, I am still dressed in sweat-pants, t-shirt and flip-flops - as is Spurs. Now had this been Charleston or Atlanta I would have never agreed to sit down in a restaurant and eat dressed like this - but it's TLTTF so what the heck. No one even batted an eye at us. We were actually dressed better than some of the folks eating there. Not to mention the waitresses had on the full length geisha gowns - nothing like seeing a redneck girl dressed in a geisha gown with sparkly flip flops on...yikes!

Turns out we had a very nice Hibachi style dinner with Sushi appetizers that Spurs shelled out over $100 for. How ironic was it that our first expensive - good dinner in this town was had in sweat-pants! Just thought that was too funny.

Raising Boys

A freind of mine sent this to me and I felt compelled to share....
I can't wait to have kids and I hope they're boys....heh

RAISING BOYS
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas...

Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft.
House 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them
with roller blades, they can ignite. It will ruin a hardwood
floor!!!!

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a
crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
strong enough to rotate 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a
Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is
on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few time before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a
baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's
already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even
though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a
4-year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same
sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you
still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though TV
commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.... AMEN.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic
toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response
time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make
Hamsters dizzy.They throw up & die!

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy. So do
Hamsters!!!

24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and
brakefluid. That's what happened at my house! They read it... they tried it!!