It’s been a while since I last blogged. The past month or so had been pretty much a raging cyclone of happenings. Coming to this stage, it seems as though the oracle was right afterall, that my life would be an abyss of turbulence and change till I’m 25. What the hell, does that mean this roller coaster ride is going to continue for another year!?

Well when I say “roller coaster ride”, it does not necessarily mean negative. It’s just the ups and downs trigger with such unpredictability and velocity that the human mind and heart finds quite difficult to balance. Perhaps it is true that I am impatient, and I pretty much believe I’ll stay that way for the rest of life. In any case I’ll also be condensing the experiences in life, should they normally be spread into 10 years, into a short span of months. No wonder it’s a roller coaster ride.

The constant struggle lies between the choice of self gratification and self discovery. Should I choose the first, my current path would seem to make enough sense, dabbling in business, making money and earning social status. Creating new ideas and materialising them and supposedly earning more recognition. Of course, the wine and women come in at this point as the perks.

Should I choose the later, I should liquidate my company now, spend as little time as possible each day, to work, and the rest, to plant myself either in the library or all over the world as a traveller. My life objective and point of satisfaction would then be the discovery of knowledge and wisdom, within and without myself.

And then there is the third way out, a lazyman’s way – going back to school and being the stupid kid I despised.

When I tried the first choice, that of what I’m still doing, it seemed fun and inspiring for a while, but the interest died and the passion turns into monotonous clicks of the daily economic pace. No matter how much creativity I throw myself into, I get bored after a while, as if the limitations of a company restrict me from my full thought potential.

Then I try the second, which is ever interesting, and end up going crazy for a few days after every “discovery”. Take for instance I somehow managed to conceptualise the 4th, 5th and 6th dimension last night. From a new perspective, presenting as new concept altogether. It was exhilarating, finding the links between known science and the unknown existences within ourselves (such as emotion, thought, imagination, energy, life, etc). I ended up not sleeping for the whole night, and after the adrenaline rush, feeling more dead than alive (should my concept be true).

I cannot fathom as yet, going for the third option…