This word is nice; it appeals to all, and seems to bring with it an unspoken aura of mystery and intellect. It’s like the random occurrence of matrix numbers, seen by many and understandable only to an elite few.

As societies and economies converge in the ever-perpetuating trend of globalisation, the disparities between the rich and the poor continue to grow, forcing the profit levels to rise while keeping wages down.

The decreasing population of middle-income earners have caused the catalytic rise in the popular notions of owning your own business, being self employed, achieving financial freedom, all wrapped around the hypnotic word call “Success”.

The revolution pounced forward with the introduction, and reinstatement of courses, books, games and facilities, all setup in the name of entrepreneurship. Government bodies and private organisations further the trend by numerous promotional waves, creating a social fad of the “entrepreneur” status, a status once thought to be nothing more than delusional to the ignorant public eye.

Education, once thought to be the backbone of mainstream earners, has in results proven to churn declining efficiency. Fingers point to both the educators and educated, with no resolution to the problem as its root.

With information made readily available from multiple sources and the increased knowledge and awareness of students, what could be taught in the past no longer sees the same “mind-penetration” effect these days, and learning the “hard way” has now re-packed itself into “lessons are to be caught, not taught”. Subtle communication is now commonly recognised as the more appealing and effective method of getting messages across and within.

The once scorned upon industry of gaming, with the aid of the above trends, have now risen to an appalling level of appeal. Those who think gaming is a thing for kids should now re-evaluate their perceptions, in view of the increasing adult gamer population.

Games, now widely recognised as education re-packaged in a fun and engaging manner, presents a much more effective and appealing alternative to the lesser educated, to learn the fundamental concepts of financial management, cash-flow, business tactics and so on.

While games have indeed become popular enough, there is still a lack of a gaming interface which sufficiently educates. Most games provide promotional value for the notion of business and entrepreneurship, but the simplified platforms, though educational, lack the depth.

Blah Blah Blah…

To cut it short I create a board-game to teach its players the art and science of trend-spotting and riding the “waves”. It wasn’t meant to be a game, but originally my own mental model for digesting global events.

The mechanics is complete, the graphics design is very tedious. Shit!

As much as I have read and preached to others in so many “wise” statements, it seems I have hardly internalised any of them. I loved to literally insult my father, both behind and in the face, about how he reads only the newspapers and believes that is where all the knowledge in the world lies, totally forgetting about the governing force behind all that knowledge – Wisdom. In turn, I read all the books, and have internalised none of the teachings. How terrible is that?

I had the chance to read in detail some of my little brother’s blog posts (or maybe I had the patience and energy to squint at the very small text with which he typed). Either ways, his messages, though embedded in a row of un-punctuated broken English, holds more wisdom than the verbal bravado I have borne with me in and out.

Perhaps while I have learnt the ruthless methods of survival and the almost calculative process of thinking, I have not learnt how to love. My life revolved around numbers (as one of my close friends mentioned), seeing everything as a resource, seeing everybody as digits, to be used for the sole purpose of self gratification and progress. Humanity presents itself coldly as a ladder through my eyes, where everyone you pass becomes a rung to support and uplift your status and achievement.

The truth is, not only have I not learnt how to love, I’m probably equally inept in the faculty of appreciation and sincerity. Pointing fingers here would be easy, but surely not helpful. I could blame my folks, blame the environment, blame all else. But as the saying goes, only be taking responsibility will we empower ourselves to make a change in the situation.

As much as I have always been the critique, labelling my little brother’s achievements as nothing more than pitiful, I must admit, that he has the one thing not many are able to attain; A Big Heart. I vividly recall the numerous incidents when he unflinchingly empties his piggy bank (he is still a little kid then), to buy presents for the rest of the family during festives. Honestly, how many people are able to just happily give their wealth away like that? For starters, I can’t.

The point I’m trying to drive (into my own head), is that life is not so much about capability. It is about experience, and to fully immerse into each situation and leave with wholesome reminiscence requires one to not just be able execute, but to execute and learn.

If life is like a trip down a river, our body and the resources we gather is the raft. The skills and proficiencies we pick up are the oars. Such things will get us to the end of the river, to the sea, and that’s it! If the eyes are the windows to one’s heart, then only by opening our eyes first can we open our hearts, and thus learn to appreciate, and love.

It is true, that life is pretty much a pointless journey, if we see it purely from the perspective of “eating to work and working to eat”. But if that’s how it was pre-arranged, the least we could do is open our eyes and heart to appreciate, love and enjoy every moment.

And so, to start off this personal endeavour for change, I feel truly, for the first time, that it is not at all humiliating to learn such wisdom from my little brother.

It seems as if the past month just flashed by like the tick of the second hand. It’s quite unbelievable, when quantified, the things one can actually achieve when you are no longer tied down by frivolous burdens, take for instance; The Army.

The freedom of living life under my sole dictation (minus the fact that clients fix the times for appointments), is simply quite blissful. No more fixed reveille and lights out (although the truth is even when I was in green I didn’t abide to timings), no more clearing concepts with bosses, in fact, no more barriers to work.

What is a barrier to work? It is basically a structural flaw with organisational bureaucracy that hinders rather than catalyses, a work process. No doubt wisdom accumulated over the years can qualify a senior manager’s position to comment and speak, and if necessarily, change a process, more often than not they are trying to comment on items far off their forte, which results not only in substandard results, but overall decreased proficiency in the name of “clearance”. The end product the client receives is therefore often lacking in creativity and glow.

And of course, it is also the profits. The regular day job earns you a measly performance bonus and annual bonus. A small fraction of the value you truly create. Being self-employed, you take all the returns. Being an employer, you also rake in portions of other peoples returns. Thus, a fixed wage worker is always short-changed.

Valentines passed yesterday, with no particular event to mention. CNY is probably going to be the same, except maybe I will visit the canteen auntie, as she wishes to introduce her daughter to me as a girlfriend. It funny this canteen auntie is always trying to tie me up with someone of the opposite sex. It’s either that I look too damn deprived and she’s being nice, or she’s getting commission for it. Haha… just joking.

Festivals no longer spell excitement for me. Perhaps I have come to the state of dedicating ALL my life to my ventures and from such perspective, profits, development and expansion are my only points of consideration. The rest is trivial, consequentially, discarded. In fact, it doesn’t even feel weird to be working on such days anymore.

It has also occurred to me that I am more soft-hearted than I expected. I actually let someone go for offending me so badly. Then again, on the logical side of things perhaps I do not have the energy and focus to exact vengeance. So much for being the vindictive Scorpio.

I took a close look at the photos my dad brought out the displays, the old days hen the family was still happy and everyone was good with one another. My brothers look so cute, even though they are taller than me now I actually feel like pinching their cheeks. My folks looked happier too. Sometimes I wonder if the lack of finances is really so powerful it could crush a family with over 20 years of bonding.

I have rattled enough. Back to work!

The Display Shelf, something to showcase our blood and sweat.

The Staff's Table, simple and sweet

My Table... obviously bigger

There are more pictures but i'm too darn lazy toput them all up.

In a frank and fruitful sharing session with a close friend yesterday, we spoke of the topic of “the missing piece”, the one thing I was seeking that I felt instinctively missing, that would help to push the current achievements to greater heights. It’s not as if the result now is less than par, but perhaps just that I wanted more.

It also occurred to me, in a rather abrupt manner, that I have been seeing people as digits. Perhaps I have held too close to my heart the rule which tells us to trust only those we need not trust. My expansive viewpoints gathered from the wide reading variety has also placed themselves beyond my current state, resulting in perspectives far exceeding personal achievement.

When stuck at a chokepoint, I usually practice zooming out to grasp the big picture. The detachment acquired from taking business and life as a game has also resulted in the total lack of emotional understanding when making decisions, consequentially leading me to certain rather ruthless actions. In mandarin, it is known commonly as “Bu4 Zhe2 Shou3 Duan4”.

In fact, I seem to have come to the point where I see everything as a resource. Perhaps this is one thing I really lack. My actions do not carry life in them. Time for reflection and improvement.