I had to pull every bit of my being together these past two weeks to get thru getting the call that Nana wasn't doing so well to getting the call that she passed. I know that Nana was suffering for many years and I had convinced myself that I was prepared she would be in a better place and no longer suffering all though both of those statements are true.....Reality then hit..I don't believe you can truly ever be fully prepared to loose a loved one, especially one that has had such a part of your life.
For those of you that don't know, Nana and I had always been very close. I spent quite a few years of my youth living with her and when I didn't live w/her I was frequently found at her house.
I had the blessing of being able to sit next to her bedside on Monday and Tuesday of last week. There was this brief moment where Kylon my little brother and I were sitting in the room and her eyes were open. She wasn't able to mutter any words besides a ya or nah. As she lay there struggling for every breath she took she looked deep into my eyes and I could sense that every part of her being was trying to say something..She did the same to Ky...As I made my way over to her and kissed her head and held her hand there was a brief moment in which it was just her and I and I told her how much I loved her and how much of a difference she made in my life. It took every part of her being with her muscles being so rigid to lift her arm to hug me. I know this may seem like a simple gesture but given that she hasn't recognized anyone for the past couple of years and the fact that she was so rigid from the Parkinson's this indeed was my miracle. As I walked out of her room at the nursing home I felt a warm wind blow and a feeling of peace come over me.
I drove home Tuesday night Jen (one of my best friends) had come up with me so I did not have to be alone we talked and she made me make a promise to always remember the good times. I can't thank Jen enough for that..words can't ever say thank you enough.
After I dropped Jen off I was alone and began to think of wonderful moments with Nana I stopped at Wilson's Arch and enjoyed the beauty that it has to offer I turned the radio up and listened to Moments by Emerson Drive...That song got me the rest of the way home as I belted out every word with tears but knowing that Nana wasn't always like this and she did have her moments, her days in the sun, when she was second to none.
This is for you Nana! I love you more!
God's Garden
God looked around his garden and found an empty place He then looked down upon the earth and saw your tired face.
He put his arms around you and lifted you to rest God's garden must be beautiful he always takes the best.
He knew that you were suffering he knew you were in pain, he knew that you would never get well on Earth again.
He saw the road was getting rough and the hills were hard to climb so he closed your weary eyelids and whispered "Peace Be Thine"
It breaks our hearts to loose you but you didn't go alone for part of us went with you the day God called you home.
You will forever live on in me Nana!
I love you....MORE!
