Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Sometimes, being too independent sucks, because even the parents seem to think you can solve everything on your own.
I need more care and concern, because sometimes beneath all the smiles and jokes, I feel like a helpless child.
Facing reality, when I think about my future, the picture's still quite blank.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
It's okay.
I'm okay.
I've no time to wallow in self-pity.
I must be strong! *sings self-encouragement
I feel that to survive in the real world, one still needs to rely on oneself eventually, because friends have their own troubles and problems to tackle. But that said, I love my friends who really were there for me and thank you all for sending me texts of encouragement / didn't freak out when you heard me crying over the phone when I narrated the whole story hurhur. <3 you all!
Thank you MCR and 30stm for the wonderful music as well :D
Anyway, damn random but I really feel like singing a duet, like any duet omg.
D:
Labels: rawrrr.
I hate myself for being so weak when facing these kinds of situations.
Why is it that I rarely cry like on the whole but when I get into a conflict or receive criticisms I major breakdown?
I wanted to be cool about it but I cry like a baby and feel so damn embarrassed having red and swollen eyes on the trip back home.
My field mentor told me just now that she'd received "quite a few complaints" from the teachers about me.
My first reaction was "Huh, 'quite a few' complaints?" And then I braced myself for the specifics, and already racking my brains for anything I'd done wrong during last week's attachment.
My mentor said "Ya, I received complains about your learning attitude, and sometimes the way you talk to the teachers."
(Me with the question mark face, and I could already feel the tears in my eyes although I tried forcing them back in)
"You know like when you ask for things, the teachers are very busy so don't expect them to give the thing to you immediately... "
(Me (thinking): Huh? But wtf, I didn't even demand for anything at all what. And as far as I know, I've been very keen to learn the ropes and take the advice of my host teacher...)
Me: "Huh, but I didn't demand for anything immediately what Can you tell me what is the complaint exactly so I know how to improve..."
Mentor: "Huh, I cannot leh, else you'll know which teacher I'm talking about..." (like hello, I've only requested help from TWO freaking teachers thus far so I pretty much already know who complained about me??)
Me: "Oh okay... (and it is here I start crying) Because I need to know what it is exactly I need to improve on..."
Mentor: "You know, like your learning attitude and how you speak to the teachers. I understand because you're still very new in the field..."
Me: (breaking down) "But I didn't do anything wrong...!"
(in between all my sniffing and crying, the mentor blabbed on about her past experience cos she's only a year older than me and when she started off she had the same problems as me blah blah blah... And she said it might be misunderstanding blah blah...)
I feel backstabbed because the teachers have been (I don't wanna use this word but welll,) acting friendly when at least one of them already complained about me.
I'd rather teacher just feedback to me like "I'm sorry, we're busy so we can't attend to your needs now blah blah" to which I would have said "It's okay, I'm not rushing you, I still have more than a week to go before my first observation blah blah", instead of complainging to my mentor about my learning attitiude and me being demanding.
I remain adamant I've done nothing wrong.
I hate to say this but I hate the teachers (maybe the one/ones who've complained about me).
I feel so damn wronged.
And I bet the teachers are bitching about me breaking down in front of my mentor just now, who happens to be the kindergarten teacher in the same childcare.
Life sucks whatever way.
i'VE got this 
i WANT this