What's left?


Loads of 'how could you?' and nothing of anything.

I guess you meant, you want none of me. Noted.
I'm not even worth an explanation, a bye, a fullstop. Noted.
Who are you now, really? I guess I never knew who's in there.


"It's just no reason to lie to me. I'm too understanding. I get shit. I get life. I know shit happens. Your honesty will never disturb me. Be honest with me."


It's okay. Tears wiped and time will continue to tick on. I'll still do well. At least I tried. No regrets now (: 힘!


i really miss blogging here. but it's not the right time i guess.  Do you still feel the same as I do when you see the words 'the one'? i doubt anyone comes here now since it's so dead. awesome.

honestly, it's so hard reading this blog because it's so full of you. this blog functions in a way that i only blogged of the happy things that took place in my life. and i remember i absolutely love to write lil mini things about us cause it feels so good just knowing it's you. i made sure i remember how we started off, and all of the goodness from the our honeymoon period which honestly, lasted really long. they're saved in my drafts of course. wouldn share them with anyone. would love to. but no, they're my memories and they alone make me happy.

im so tired of pretending. funny how im actually saying this when i used to alws tell you im none of that. and of all people im hiding behind a facade, it's you. and of all topics i would try to avoid, it's you. and seriously, what's e point of running away when the person i wanna run to is you. how foolish the both of us really are. people watched dramas and laugh at stupid couples and i think we're one of them that can be mocked at.

smtimes, i really don't quite know what this is for anymore.
smtimes, my ego kills me.
smtimes, im really just waiting for a hint.
and most of the time, i know that will never happen. fuck. OMG I HAVEN BLOGGED IN MONTHS. now this place is really dead but i like it dead smhow.

anw, to let myself know 10years down the road (if i ever chanced upon my own blog again), i am done with SIP and ft at OC and school has started.

i miss working, really. i miss everyone at OC. ahdi, kytong, ahbird, ahbee, kenny and maybe even darren, aloy and jeff. during my short 20weeks there, they were really nice people who make feeding and getting me fat their daily goal. it's scary when they go 'okay! time for fried rice. time for supper then time for dessert! and nobody eats except xiaomei!'

on my last day, ahbee told me to think of what i wanna eat and he cooked it for me. gary showed me the simplified version of the tomato with a thousand flavours (cause we dint had vine tomatoes) and ahdi treated me to supper. albert told me to go back frequently for staff meal and they will block complaints coming my way. gahhhhh! kenny and gary called me down for a personal talk regarding my future choices in life which i felt so grateful for. and even darren mumbled about having gotten something for me from msia.

you know what?

i miss sleeping on cardboards on the cold hard floor in a super lousy stuffy private room.
i miss huddling together, sitting on plastic oil tanks amidst potatoes, onions and spices eating our staff meal when we can jolly eat outside with the service staff.
i miss getting bubble tea for everyone and trying to rmb who drinks what. (i do secretly think we are the main consumers of sweettalk)
i miss going opposite for yum cha during our split shifts and the uncle will complain why we all have different drink preferences.
i miss my pizza station.
i miss bugging albert for more things to do and we'll just end up lazily plucking italian parsley leaves.
i miss kytong and his cheemology chinese stories which i never came to understand.
i miss ahdi for alws being so annoying but sweet at the same time.
i miss ahbee's smile and food! (i love the fact he reminds me of my grandpa)
i miss kenny for looking like a artist in his lil overalls and chef uniform. (kytong insists that he look like a nanny and his husband is ahbee)
i miss gary but im still kinda scared of him. haha!
i miss wang xiao ming too! he's e love cause he alws makes nice drinks for me and me only!
i miss azmee for alws going 'sephineeeeee, sephineeeeee' when he walks past the pizza station.

these people made me feel so freaking loved, i swear.

darnit! i cant wait to get back to pt at HL. actually, im pretty half half about it cause i just wanted to end all the good times there on a positive note and perhaps forget everything else. though a unnecessary worry, im still afraid that i will screw up a little or cant make it for work due to school and pissed e shit out of gary cause of scheduling conflicts. o well. a step at a time i suppose.

and tat, seriously without your support, i don't think it's possible to be so carefree at work and going through my shifts at HL without worrying. thanks for being there when im having my ups and downs, nursing my cuts and burns, picking me up from work and always angrily saying you wanna burn down my kitchen cause of its hazards. (HAHAHAHA!) you're the love, really (:




i realized there are so many sad people out there. it doesnt take much effort to realized that actually.

i wish i have the ability to make them smile.
be it the random grouchy stranger that came to dine. or that old lady who hates the hot weather. or that young child who dint get her apple juice. or maybe that grandpa who wishes he can bring his grandchild to get some ice cream too. even so, the loves and close ones around. like you, you, you and you.

o God, if you decide to be nice one day and give me a special power, make it one that is bubbly, like overflowing joy. so it flows like a river to others and they can create that very river of their own too.

wheeeee. it's one helluva long time since i bloggggggged. internship cost you your life i tell you. they make you sleepy and hungry one minute, happy and bubbly the next. and that depends where you are stationed at anw. im sleepy and hungry and dreading tmr in any case.

still, coming to think of it. im still pretty amazed at how everyone elses' path crosses one another. paths that seemingly would probably go parallel or in any way but yours, will still intercept one random day. and it's really fun to listen to other's people lifestory that took place before they became the person that you see at that very minute. and sometimes, you just gotta respect those survivors who became better cause of whatever background they came from. it's really cool yo.

i mean, if i can draw really well. i would draw this huge house and loads of lines cross each other's path before finally meeting at the same point in the house. some would just be a mere brief interception and some would head towards the same direction together if one day, the house is long gone. and by that, i dont mean parallel lines but lines that have already merged and is moving as one. sounds like a entire chunk of gibberish huh! hoho.

anw, i really feel like penning this down. all the random acts by others that made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. you know, those kinda things that maybe you're loved afterall! and if i ever get to read this again 10years down the road, it would inject another smile.

#1 the bf just suprised me with two tickets for a movie and i totally ruin the surprise as usual. i don't know, it's just nice being thought of. and even though it's just a movie, im kinda excited cause we haven been to the cinemas for ages?! wheeee.

#2 mommy said she just loves to ensure that im full and happy like a fat kid before i head to work.

#3 this is pretty odd but here's to javier & ahwei. the days that follow the nail-slicing incident, the both of them kept trying to help me in mis en place. and even javier would go 'let me take over if you think you can't take it anymore'. it's just sweet cause as much as he can be annoying like a fat lard, he's still decent sometimes.

#4 din telling me 'fuck it la, im coming back to get you.'

#5 bj. too many too many.

#6 sijie for offering to send me back the other time so i can stay longer w you guys. i think im really troublesome but thanks for being so understanding man, people. i appreciate it.

#7 gillian. that woman is seriously funny i swear. she was in the middle of her project meeting when she felt like calling me and she did.

these are random events that came to my mind for now. thanks for the love, thanks. you guys wouldn know how much all these brighten up my day. lighten up a gloomy day or made a perfect day even more perfect than it already was. o man! i know sometimes it seem like i don't care but it's just me being slow to react and really lousy at time management. blah. okay no excuse. give and take. gotta give more, give more.

still, thanks for the love (:
tat wants to let everybody know that he got striked by lightning.

note: he's not dead. and we dont know why.
actually, we concluded that he's too fat. so all the fats decide to be united and form together a massive barrier like the Great Wall of China and became a huge insulator against the strong currents. impressive ey? now, don't you wish you are fat too?

to learn how to survive electrocution, please dial 9******* and look for Mr. C and he will tell you more about it. thankyou! (:

something happened recently and i cant remember what.

anyway, internship is starting soon. next week. a little apprehensive, but more excitement than that. it'll be cool and i will set my mind straight (: i'm gonna be a cow.

i am cow, hear me moo
i weigh twice lesser than you.

my grans are really lovely people. called me the minute they heard i was sick. it's nice to have people fussing over you. especially the ones you love. my mom scolds me for being sick. it's kinda irritating, but i know she's concern too. blah.

why is it such a natural thing to live with families? they can scream, shout and nag one million times but you know that they love you. you hate them when you were kids, thinking you would out-smart them when you are older, but that never happens. you can be better than them in terms of technology, news updates, fashion, knowledge but never experience. it's funny how they think and use us to compare with their generation, but it's interesting to note, that these happen in their generation and not ours.

these are what i observed today at my brother's 8th birthday party:
i think my gramp is cool. he says bye like he's saluting the nazis. but he's not of course. he has small eyes. and he look like he's smiling. always.
my granny has big eyes. she look like she's wary of something. but when she smiles, i bet one hundred million flowers bloom that night. haha.
my father's an idiot and a sexist and a mcp and a typical guy i wouldn wanna date. but he's there, right there when you need a pillar to lean on.


what is wrong?