Well, 2013 was honestly one of the worst years in my 20 years of life. Lots of regrets and bad things uhmmm. and I honestly thought 2013 would be a great year since more than half of it is not spent in school but :(
okay, firstly, IRAS. fucking IRAS. I can't believe i went thru more than 3 months in there. It was so horrible and shit and I've never felt so insecure and miserable all at the same time. Like Adeline was the sole reason I could live thru IRAS. But yknw maybe i should be grateful for this because i learnt so many things about people.
and then there's driving lesson which was sO00000oo mentally and physically draining. it was so frustrating like i literally felt like giving up every single damn lesson. And i spent $3k on it i'm not even kidding. Maybe its just me or maybe its my goddamn USELESS instructor who's only good at pointing out my mistakes but not correcting them.
and i can't help to think that people treat you nicer when you're pretty. pretty people do get it better. and i feel so miserable because i am not one and i am just jealous. okay.
Drive
Friday, March 7, 2014 2:13 AM
I really can't decide which one i like better!!!
idk anym
Sunday, November 17, 2013 11:01 PM
10 things i am/should be grateful for
Monday, October 14, 2013 4:26 PM
Okay. Life has been pretty messy. I wouldn't say I'm losing friends but I am not making a good effort to keep new friends or otherwise. Old friends are the best okay. If they've been with you for over 2 years, don't fucking let go of them.
I've realised that I have never been satisfied with life. At this point of time, all i want is to go back to 2011 and do everyth again. But I was reading thru my old blog posts and i realised that in year 2011, all i ever wanted was to go back to 2008. And in year 2008, i just wanted to go back to 2007 to repair and change certain things. Yknow life is about moving forward and I should stop imagining how things will be now if i have done or not do some things in the past. Well, no one makes out of life alive anyw. So i should start appreciating life and start looking at the good things in life. So i've decided to (penned down) 10 things i am/should be grateful for....
1. My father.
He's always always been there for me. He's truly the one person who's willing to do anyth for me. Like fetching me frm places to places. He'll sent me to madrasah at 8.30pm after his work and then fetch me from madrasah at 10.45 pm on Fridays. Like how much time does he have in between fetching me for himself. And he doesnt only fetches me home but sent my friends home at their doorstep (okay not literally doorstep but yes). And even if i don't ask for him to fetch, he'll still text me and say, "Papa is otw home. Just thought maybe you might need a lift home." :')
HE IRONS MY CLOTHES. like every single clothing i have that needs to be ironed. He'll iron them at like 1 a.m. to make sure my clothes are prepared the next morning.
He pays for my everyth. everyth. like my school books. my hostel fees. my online shopping. my phone bills. my ez link card money.
and we watch like tv shows tgt (Suits, Duck Dynasty, Running man, Survivor) and he'll listen to music that i recommend him to like LANA DEL REY.
JUST WHAT IS LIFE WITHOUT MY FATHER. hahaha. really owe him big time <3 p="">
2. The choice of food.
Like having food isnt alr good enough. i get to choose what food i want to eat. i think this is really smth i should really be thankful for. cause I'm really picky.
3. My not so hairy body.
I am really blessed i don't have to shave my legs.
4. I dont experience cramps when I'm having my period!!!
Okay i do feel a little pressure on my V but that is all. It feels normal. and i nvr stain my undies because my period blood nvr overflows :} hopefully i get an easy childbirth. haahaha.
Speaking of that, I read a blogpost abt this woman's labour story. She was saying how epidural makes it alot less painful/ not painful at all. Gt me thinking tho... Its just not nature. But she was saying abt how many jabs she needed to get during pregnancy, during birth and after birth!! I'm damn scared of needles :(
5. I have a good set of teeth.
i mean braces are really cute okay. i wish i could wear them when my face looks dull. But... I am blessed.
6. I have made it to NUS FASS.
A course i would have picked over anyth even if i have better results. and i'm really really thankful I'm always getting somewhere despite my lazinessssssss. My lazinesssssssss is smth i need to work on.
7. I am good at estimating time.
I'm rarely late for anyth. like if i'm late, i do it on purpose.
8. I have close FRIENDS!
Like ppl i can actually be comfortable with one on one anytime, anyday :)
9. I can honestly say i have everyth that i want.
If i don't have them, i just don't want it enough.
10. I am born into Islam...
Probably the best blessing of all.
and the list goes on.... i dont think we can even count our blessings because we have so much to be thankful for :^] and and
really helps.
I've realised that I have never been satisfied with life. At this point of time, all i want is to go back to 2011 and do everyth again. But I was reading thru my old blog posts and i realised that in year 2011, all i ever wanted was to go back to 2008. And in year 2008, i just wanted to go back to 2007 to repair and change certain things. Yknow life is about moving forward and I should stop imagining how things will be now if i have done or not do some things in the past. Well, no one makes out of life alive anyw. So i should start appreciating life and start looking at the good things in life. So i've decided to (penned down) 10 things i am/should be grateful for....
1. My father.
He's always always been there for me. He's truly the one person who's willing to do anyth for me. Like fetching me frm places to places. He'll sent me to madrasah at 8.30pm after his work and then fetch me from madrasah at 10.45 pm on Fridays. Like how much time does he have in between fetching me for himself. And he doesnt only fetches me home but sent my friends home at their doorstep (okay not literally doorstep but yes). And even if i don't ask for him to fetch, he'll still text me and say, "Papa is otw home. Just thought maybe you might need a lift home." :')
HE IRONS MY CLOTHES. like every single clothing i have that needs to be ironed. He'll iron them at like 1 a.m. to make sure my clothes are prepared the next morning.
He pays for my everyth. everyth. like my school books. my hostel fees. my online shopping. my phone bills. my ez link card money.
and we watch like tv shows tgt (Suits, Duck Dynasty, Running man, Survivor) and he'll listen to music that i recommend him to like LANA DEL REY.
JUST WHAT IS LIFE WITHOUT MY FATHER. hahaha. really owe him big time <3 p="">
2. The choice of food.
Like having food isnt alr good enough. i get to choose what food i want to eat. i think this is really smth i should really be thankful for. cause I'm really picky.
3. My not so hairy body.
I am really blessed i don't have to shave my legs.
4. I dont experience cramps when I'm having my period!!!
Okay i do feel a little pressure on my V but that is all. It feels normal. and i nvr stain my undies because my period blood nvr overflows :} hopefully i get an easy childbirth. haahaha.
Speaking of that, I read a blogpost abt this woman's labour story. She was saying how epidural makes it alot less painful/ not painful at all. Gt me thinking tho... Its just not nature. But she was saying abt how many jabs she needed to get during pregnancy, during birth and after birth!! I'm damn scared of needles :(
5. I have a good set of teeth.
i mean braces are really cute okay. i wish i could wear them when my face looks dull. But... I am blessed.
6. I have made it to NUS FASS.
A course i would have picked over anyth even if i have better results. and i'm really really thankful I'm always getting somewhere despite my lazinessssssss. My lazinesssssssss is smth i need to work on.
7. I am good at estimating time.
I'm rarely late for anyth. like if i'm late, i do it on purpose.
8. I have close FRIENDS!
Like ppl i can actually be comfortable with one on one anytime, anyday :)
9. I can honestly say i have everyth that i want.
If i don't have them, i just don't want it enough.
10. I am born into Islam...
Probably the best blessing of all.
and the list goes on.... i dont think we can even count our blessings because we have so much to be thankful for :^] and and
really helps.
*My mood may change. Tmr i might write smth different idk. hahaha
Life in NUS (part i)
Friday, September 13, 2013 4:43 PM
Its been long... Hello. Where do i start?
Okay. NUS.
NUS. lol. yup. I'm in NUS FASS. its been more than a month.
i swear I've never been this independent before. Staying in hall has allowed me to grow up. hahaha. like i do my own laundry. (i avoid ironing my clothes like i bring home clothes that require ironing for my father to do it at home but doing my own laundry is an achievement.) i eat alone. i go for lectures and tutorials alone. i walk alone. i ride the bus alone. its so different compared to the times when i was a clingy bitch to Naveeda. cause Naveeda will never leave me to do anyth on my own. (im still clingy begging her to meet me every week.)
but theres also Hajar and Stella around. and i get to meet Nadzirah on Tuesdays and then theres Wednesdays with Isya. really thankful for them. and then theres my roommie, Diana. but most of the time, im alone. i cant decide if im okay abt this? i mean i don't drown in sorrow when i walk to my class alone or when i sit at random seats beside random people. like thats fine...
but then there are times when i'll just break down eating dinner alone in my room, reflecting on life. like ive only eaten at the dining hall twice since i entered hall on 5th August because im just too afraid to sit in a crowded place, where everyone has their friends.. other times i'll just skip dinner or take away my food. leading to my shrinking appetite :(
Its hard for me to make friends now... just... okay. i dont know how to explain my life... haha. and there are so many loopholes now. shall continue next time on "Life in NUS" when the juices are flowing.
Am sorry to ppl whom i have bothered or burderned just because i don't have enough friends to go to in school :(
Okay. NUS.
NUS. lol. yup. I'm in NUS FASS. its been more than a month.
i swear I've never been this independent before. Staying in hall has allowed me to grow up. hahaha. like i do my own laundry. (i avoid ironing my clothes like i bring home clothes that require ironing for my father to do it at home but doing my own laundry is an achievement.) i eat alone. i go for lectures and tutorials alone. i walk alone. i ride the bus alone. its so different compared to the times when i was a clingy bitch to Naveeda. cause Naveeda will never leave me to do anyth on my own. (im still clingy begging her to meet me every week.)
but theres also Hajar and Stella around. and i get to meet Nadzirah on Tuesdays and then theres Wednesdays with Isya. really thankful for them. and then theres my roommie, Diana. but most of the time, im alone. i cant decide if im okay abt this? i mean i don't drown in sorrow when i walk to my class alone or when i sit at random seats beside random people. like thats fine...
but then there are times when i'll just break down eating dinner alone in my room, reflecting on life. like ive only eaten at the dining hall twice since i entered hall on 5th August because im just too afraid to sit in a crowded place, where everyone has their friends.. other times i'll just skip dinner or take away my food. leading to my shrinking appetite :(
Its hard for me to make friends now... just... okay. i dont know how to explain my life... haha. and there are so many loopholes now. shall continue next time on "Life in NUS" when the juices are flowing.
Am sorry to ppl whom i have bothered or burderned just because i don't have enough friends to go to in school :(
Thursday, April 4, 2013 10:10 PM
Hiiiii this is me writing again. Writing again because i am just so sad....... i think i am too weird for my own good. :(( even modern family doesnt help.... And some people. they need to stop thinking only for themselves. i mean i have feelings too. even tho i keep quiet. even tho im always smiling, i am sad okayyy. i want to know that i matter. i want to think that my opinions matter. you dont just lure me in and then leave me alone. fuck you. you're not the only one with problems..... and ppl think i dont try. i do i do i do. you just dont see it. I always try. I just dont try in front of ppl. or maybe i just dont try my hardest because im too afraid of failing. sigh. and i really suck at expressing myself/feelings with wordsssss. ppl just dont get it. wait ppl dont even try to listen.
crayyss
Saturday, March 16, 2013 4:17 PM
WHAT CAN I SAY? I LOVE MR VINCENT NG!!!
okay Hello! Started the day quite early todayyyy. i mean i woke up at 8AM?! MOTHER. hahaha. went for NUS Open House. I am so impressed by the school. i love the atmosphere. the people. the culture. the environment. I mean I NEED TO BE IN NUS!! anddddd if i were to be in NUS... Imagine the friends i can make there. (SARAH) ajsajsfgsjyu~!@#$%^&* and being Hajar's room-mate and night cycling SO FUN HAHAHA.
but i dont know... NUS doesnt have Maritime studies. i dont even know why I'm interested in Maritime Studies. Like it feels so right and me but i dont quite know what is it and i dont get myself sometimes. FASS fo sure if i want NUS. and i'm always more inclined to humanities so.... idk...
btw future child, my A-level grades are ABB/ABB.
ppl shld stop thinking that i'm sad abt it. i'm just being me. the emotionless, numb person that i am. its just mehhh.
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Just watched Vampire Diaries. and Elena is being sucha badass noww. lol.
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And I am trying hard to really be more pious. Okay. maybe i'm not trying hard enuff. just look at me -.-
hahahaha no. thats Naveeda.
but Theres this little bitch in me that is hungry for fun and fame and excitement and basically things that will drag me to hell....
D:
but "This world is a prison for the believer and a paradise for the disbeliever” (Sahih Muslim)