Wade Belak, Dead At 35

This has been a rather crappy NHL offseason. If there's been another in my lifetime that's been this bad from a guys dying young standpoint, I cant' remember it.

First it was Derek Boogaard, then Rick Rypien and now Wade Belak, who was found dead today at 35.

As a Leafs fan, this one is particularly sad. I always enjoyed Belak. He wasn't going to score a million goals or skate circles around anybody, but there was something about him that made him really easy to root for. I'd describe him as one of the nicest guys you could ever have cave in your skull at a moment's notice.

My favourite Belak memory is that time he scored his goal. It was memorable not only because he didn't score many of them, but also because scoring it cost him a record. Had he not potted one in December 2007 against Nashville, odds are he would have broken the Leafs record for games without a goal. He hadn't scored since 2003. I'll never forget watching it go in or the celebration that followed it. I had no choice but to jump up and cheer along with everybody else because man, that was awesome. You can see video of it here. Yeah, it still gets me.

You'll be missed, Wade.

A USB Stick, In More Ways Than One

It's been a while since we've been able to write about any sort of strange USB contraption. But today's the day, and ladies, this one's for you.

A team of designers from San Francisco has developed a USB stick that doubles as a vibrator. Or maybe it's a vibrator that doubles as a USB stick. I'm not entirely sure. But it apparently functions as both of those things,and as of sometime in October, you'll be able to get one.

Made of body-safe silicone and metal, the Duet is designed for the female body. With dual motors, it can deliver powerful and precise vibration exactly where you want it. The tip, inside edges, and outside edges provide slightly different intensities so that you can customize your pleasure!

Compact & Discreet
The Duet’s compact size, discreet shape, and included leather pouch make it ideal for mobility. Tuck it in with your makeup bag, and you’re good for pleasure on-the-go. 

Virtually Silent
The women we interviewed all agreed: noisy is not okay. The Duet’s dual motors manage to be virtually silent without skimping on power, which helps you keep your private time private. 

Personalized Control
The Duet contains 4 vibration modes and 5 power levels so that you can customize the experience with the perfect intensity.
Truly Waterproof
When we say that this toy is completely waterproof, we mean it. Not only is it fully submersible in a bathtub, the Duet is waterproof to more than 3 meters.

No Batteries, No Cords, No Hassle
The Duet’s USB connector plugs right into your computer to recharge. If you choose the 8GB model, it can also serve as the world’s sexiest flash drive. What kind of data will you store on your vibrator? 

Features

- Phthalate-free & body-safe silicone
- USB rechargeable
- Completely waterproof
- Virtually silent
- 4 vibration modes & 5 power levels
- Up to 4 hours of continuous use
- Genuine leather pouch included
- 4.55” x 1.08” x 0.48” (11.6 x 2.7 x 1.23 cm)

I'm not ashamed to admit that the immature part of me (translation: Pretty much all of me) got a kick out of this snip from a story about the project and its funding.

"The initial drive behind making it a USB device was the ease of charging and ease of travel, but it became clearly fairly early on that we could add storage to it," Crave's Michael Topolovac told news.com.au.

"A very common response was: 'Wow, this is cool, I can store my content on this!'"

Content...that's one word for what's going to wind up being on it, sure.

If anybody buys one, I'd love to hear your thoughts. My main curiosities are how well does it work, and how many weird comments do you get per day about the memory stick you seem to be quite fond of?

From The Oilfield To The Prison Yard

Question: You've been bonded out of jail after being charged with the theft of $300000 in equipment from oilfields around southwest Oklahoma. One of the conditions of your release is that you have to wear one of those GPS ankle monitors. What should you do with yourself now that you're free?

If your answer involves the theft of equipment from a different oilfield, hey there, Lonnie Nunley, thanks for dropping bye.

Nunley did his best to deny involvement in the most recent theft, but his situation was complicated not only by the aforementioned ankle bracelet placing him at the scene, but also by the small matter of the rightful owner of the stolen goods spotting them sitting in the back of Nunley's truck.

He may have been trying to get his foot in the door of the oil business, but I suspect all he's managed to do is get his foot and the rest of him back through the doors of one of Oklahoma's finest crowbar motels. And this time, he's probably not getting out so easily. Then again, if somehow he does, it's not like he'll be hard to find.

There Were Bees, Bees, Way Down To His Knees...

Ug. Steve just loves torturing me with these. It must bring him such joy. Last summer, he sent me the story of a fellow making a bee head. Now, this guy had so many bees on him that he was wearing a bee sweater! Eeeeeeeeeek! And he wants to try wearing even more bees, so he can break a world record. And just how would they count all those bees? How would you know if you counted a bee twice? Hell I don't care. Don't let all those bees near me!

Who Put The Hard In The Hardware? You Did Baby, You Did.

We've talked before about Freddie and TeddyJohnson, both known for rubbing up against and groping women on busy subway trains in New York. Well, apparently they're not alone, and this latest sicko has an even better name. Meet Darnell Hardware, yes, Hardware, who is accused of exposing himself, then grinding against women in the subway when they had no way of escaping, then bolting when the doors opened, leaving his, um, mark on the women's clothes. They couldn't catch him, but they sure had a ton of DNA, so as soon as they had a match, they'd have a suspect.

Well, they have quite the aptly-named suspect that's for sure. Have you ever met anyone else with the last name Hardware? Oh and good luck with that not guilty plea there.

I Think I Can Resausagitate Him!

So. One of the fellows to whom you've sold heroin seems to have run into some trouble with the product. In fact, he's overdosing.

My oh my, but this is quite the pickle. Whatever shall you do?

Call for help?

Are you kidding? If anybody comes in here, you're going down for sure. This is a serious drug dealing outfit you've got here, and it's doubtful the system would be soft on you.

Let people take him to the hospital?

As if, for pretty much the same reason. If they trace his misadventure back to you, you're done.

Wait, you say to yourself, I think I've got it! A little frozen meat down the trousers, that'll revive anybody!

Er, maybe not.

Jonathan "J.J." Ward, of Effingham, Ill., bought heroin from Tavis D. Doyle on May 28, 2009, and died a day later inside Doyle's crack house on Walter Street in East St. Louis, prosecutors at his trial said.

They said Doyle refused to allow witnesses to call for help when Ward overdosed. Instead, he tried to revive Ward by putting frozen meat in his pants and insisting that Ward was still alive and "just needed to sleep it off."

Others took Ward to Barnes-Jewish Hospital in St. Louis about 12 hours later. He was pronounced dead on arrival.

Doyle has been sentenced to life in prison, where meat in his pants will probably be a frequent happening for him. Only difference is that it'll be the furthest thing from frozen.

Here Comes The Bride...With A Gigantic Cartload Of Stolen Groceries

Weddings ain't cheap, and I can certainly appreciate couples wanting to keep costs down especially in this time of economic uncertainty. But as with everything in this life, there is a right way and a wrong way to go about it.

The right way might involve keeping your eye out for sales, negotiating with catering services, seeing if you can somehow get a discount on your hall rental or being really nice to a buddy with a big yard who might let you hold the festivities there for free.

The wrong way, as demonstrated by the newly married Arthur Phillips III and Brittany M. Lurch, involves waltzing into a grocery store and then sashaying out a few minutes later with more than $1000 in food, forgetting the small matter of the cash registers in between.

Arthur Phillips III, 32, and Brittany M. Lurch, 22, both of Centre Hall, married Aug. 18, and scheduled their wedding reception for 5:30 p.m. Saturday, police said. But at 2:30 p.m., Patton Township police were called to Wegmans supermarket for a report of a retail theft.

They watched the couple on surveillance cameras put items in their shopping cart, and walk out to their car without paying, according to an affidavit filed by police. Police then arrested Phillips and Lurch, who told them the items were intended for their reception.

The pair has been charged with retail theft and receiving stolen property, both misdemeanours. They didn't make it to the reception, since surprise surprise, they didn't have the $2500 required to free themselves.

But wait, there's more!

When they were arrested, police searched their vehicle and found a glass pipe with traces of marijuana on it, landing Philips a charge of possession of drug paraphernalia.

Given how the marriage is starting off, I fully expect one of us to be writing these two up for a parents of the year story at some point.

United Breaks Spirits

We've long known that there is a large number of things that you cannot expect to be able to do when traveling by plane. Be comfortable, be treated like a human being, know for sure you're going to get on the flight you paid good money for even though the number of existing seats hasn't changed since the last takeoff, eat food that tastes like what it's supposed to be and not have your dangle parts xrayed in the name of safety are just a few of them.

To this list, we can now add read books about old aircraft. That, as it turns out, will get your ass pulled off the flight quicker than you can say amateur aviation historian.

I had taken out and was reading a book of Polish Aircraft circa 1946 and I was also looking at views of an Italian aircraft from 1921.”

According to Gilbert, who is African-American, as the plane prepared for take off, “2 Mass State Policemen, 1 or 2 TSA Agents, and the bursar for the flight come down the [aisle] and motion me to get off of the plane.”

Once on the breezeway, Gilbert claims the police officers asked if he’d had “a problem” with his bag and whether he was looking at a “book of airplanes.” Gilbert said he showed them what he was reading (he says they deemed it “Snoopy Red Baron stuff” and said they were sorry for the inconvenience) and was eventually allowed back on the plane.

Gilbert writes that he “silently wept” the whole flight to Washington, DC, and that he was left ”broken hearted and speechless.”

In what I hope is more than the regular canned we've gone and right fucked shit up and we feel bad about the horrible publicity this is going to generate so we'll say sorry statement most companies trot out at times like this, a spokesman for United Airlines wrote the following:

"The service Mr. Gilbert described does not reflect the experience we aim to deliver our customers. We are reaching out to Mr. Gilbert and to Shuttle America, the United Express carrier that operated the flight, to better understand what occurred and to ensure Mr. Gilbert knows we value his business."

Interesting side note. What, exactly, does United Airlines have against musicians? I ask because the Gilbert in question happens to be Vance Gilbert, a professional folk musician from the Boston area. He gets pulled off of a United plane and questioned for no good reason, and a few years ago the same airline sent Dave Carroll on his songwriting crusade. Really guys, music isn't that bad. Lighten up.

All The Small Things

I saw this yesterday, and I thought it was well done. Eight Tiny Things That Stopped Suicides What a perfect combination of making me laugh and cry. And it made me feel better about that whole mess back in January.

All kidding aside, these guys write some pretty cool stuff.

Hot Sauce Lady Goes From The Bottle To The Can

Remember the hot sauce lady from Dr. Phil? I did say she would always be known as that. she's been convicted, although her lawyer's pushing for no jail time, and it doesn't sound like the kids are going to get much help.

I blame Dr. Phil's producers partly for this, if things went down the way she says they did. She claims she approached them saying she was an angry mom. She sent in a video and they said she wasn't actually punishing her kid so it wasn't good enough. And that's when she made the hot sauce video.

But seriously, woman, do you think Dr. Phil is the only place you can go for help? Are there no resources in Alaska? And do you really think you're showing good parenting skills by getting your 10-year-old daughter to film for you?

And you adopted kids who were sleeping in a shack and then were taken to an orphanage. Expect that there are going to be some behavioural problems. Punishment is not going to fix it. How about getting to the root of the problem?

Well, there's the end of that story. Not much of an end, but there it is.

Shake Shake Shake, Shake Shake Shake, Shake Virginia!

Last year, Steve felt an earthquake. Yesterday, it was my turn. Wanna hear something weird though? Steve was in the same house and didn't feel it!

I came back in from a walk. I sat down and started looking through stuff. Suddenly, my chair went shake, bump, shake, bump. I thought maybe Trix was behind me, and had decided to give her ear a scratch. No, no Trix. Then the motion felt kinda like my chair had become a porch swing, or like I was dizzy and the chair was swaying. Then, in time with the swaying, I heard rattle, rattle, rattle!

Duuuudes! Did we just have an earthquake? I wrote that on Twitter, and at the same time, several people all up and down the United States and Canada started talking about it.

And it was confirmed. I did feel an earthquake.

I called Steve to me, but by the time he got there, there was nothing to be felt. He didn't feel a thing. He was washing dishes and had no idea what I was on about.

It's really freaky to see people mentioning earthquakes at the exact same time. Seeing it on Twitter made me feel like we're all connected more than we realize.

So I've felt my first earthquake ever. But really, Mother Nature, you can stop shaking us up and blowing us around. You have shown your awesome power inGoderich. We know we're insignificant compared to you. Now, pleeease stopstopstop. We don't need anymore death and destruction.

Latest Elections Ontario Accessibility Scoop

When I posted the thing about the home visits option for voting in the provincial election, I had some questions. At this home visit, would you be able to use the assistive voting devices? What kind of assistance was offered?

I figured I'd phone Elections Ontario and ask. And here's what I found out.

If you select a home visit, you will not get the assistive voting device. It's just someone coming to your hone because for whatever reason you find it hard to get to the polling station. So, if you can't get to the polling station because you have vision troubles and have trouble navigating to where it is, or you have another impairment that may make it necessary for you to use sip and puff or the paddles that come with the device, and you choose a home visit, be aware that you'll just have to use the "braille template" or the printed ballot and get assistance, and take the same gamble as I've talked about when voting before the audio voting came along.

Also, I finally confirmed that yes, in fact, the assistive voting devices will only be at returning offices, not even advance polls. But unlike in the federal election, you can vote at your returning office up to the day before election day. So, if the returning office is in an accessible and convenient location, it does provide more flexibility in terms of opportunities to vote. Would be nice if the option was available at advance polls and election day though. Yes, I know the machine is huge, but if the city of Guelph can make audio voting machines be available at all advance polling stations as well as at election day, what's holding back an entire province?

I saw one of these suckers, and they are suuuper cool. Not only can you vote using audio and pressing buttons on what looks like the biggest game controler you've ever seen, you can use paddles to vote if you can't use your hands I guess, and you can also use sip and puff, where you blow into a straw-like thing to make your selections. Isn't that just awesome?

So if you could benefit from any of these features, make the trek to your returning office and make use of the machine. Also, if enough people use the machine, they will note the demand.

On the subject of home visits, here's the killer. You have to book a home visit by August 30. But they don't tell you where your returning office is until the first week of September. For me, I will vote independently if I can at all. But if I find out that my returning office is on a dangerous part of Woodlawn Road where there is no sidewalk, for example, I may think gee I could have benefitted from a home visit, even though it would suck to have someone come to my home only to carry out an inaccessible voting process. It's the same killer as holding major debates after advance polls are finished.

Believe me, I know how hard it is to juggle deadlines, and they have to lease all these temporary buildings across the province and assess each location for parking/wheelchair/other stuff accessibility. But there's something a little wrong with not knowing all your options before making a choice.

Two things I have to mention about calling Elections Ontario. I guess you get this anywhere, but the variance in amount of knowledge between reps is staggering. The first rep I got, as soon as I started asking accessibility questions, started telling me to email Elections Ontario's info address. But I decided goddamn it, people who phone about accessibility concerns don't always have email, I'm going to squeeze the response out of them by phone. When I eventually mentioned to her that I was surprised at how little training Elections Ontario was giving their general reps, considering they were unveiling this great big accessibility platform, she told me I should have asked to be transferred to their accessibility team.

I beg your pardon? I, the customer, am supposed to tell her, the person with all the knowledge and training, what I have to do to get the answers I'm seeking? And if all us folks with accessibility concerns are supposed to go to the accessibility team, why isn't that an option on the automated menu?

But another friend said she called Elections Ontario, and the first person she talked to gave her all the answers she needed without any trouble at all.

When I did get someone from accessibility, she did do quite a thorough job. I think she learned a thing or 2 as well. I liked the fact that she actually took the time to verify things. For instance, she thought the Braille templates had a list of the candidates brailled so you could cast your vote independently by lining up the hole with the candidate. But when I asked her to confirm that, she came back and said no they didn't. It was the news I was expecting, but at least she didn't set me up for a massive disappointment.

She also gave me a link to a far more accessible version of the "More Days More Ways" catalogue. The first copy I saw was a hideously inaccessible PDF version. This one I could actually read.

So, that's the latest on what I know about how this here election is going to work. Oh, and in searching through our elections tag, all I have to say is what happened?

Also, after you vote, there is supposed to be a feedback form. If you have things to say about your experience, speak. The only way they'll know different viewpoints is if people speak. She laughed at me because I said I can't really try out every voting method and give feedback, ya know, electoral rules kinda frown on that. But it's true. Everybody who does the home visits, the advance polls, the voting by returning office, provide them with feedback. It's the only way they can learn and grow.

Happy voting when it comes time, everybody. We can pray for maybe things turning out better than they appear.

Chest Fest Was A Flop, But Perk Up, There's Always Next Year

Well, hmmm. I mentioned the whole Top Freedom Fest thing a while ago. I should probably mention how it went.It didn't. I guess the organizers didn't manage to raise enough money for some of the performers, so they decided to settle for a march along the route that Gwen Jacob took when she was arrested.

Forgive me for chuckling at the fact that they walked past "Second Cup" during their march. I'm so easily amused.

I don't know how to feel about the whole topless festival. In theory, I shouldn't care about it, and I should support it, har har I said support. It is stupid that a dude can walk around with his shirt off even if he's sporting a set of man boobs, but if women do it, eeewwww. It would be cool if we could get over that double standard, and that probably can only happen with more exposure, har har har these puns just keep falling on my head don't they?

But at the same time, these things never just bring out the folks who care about gender equality. You always get the creeps. So, a festival designed to make people feel safe taking off their shirts actually does the exact opposite. But as I write this, I find my own mind taking my own voice, and superimposing it on some old woman's voice from some point in the past saying "Oh, it's just not a good idea for women to vote. They're just asking for trouble." Doesn't that sound ridiculous now? If she was transported into current times, and expressed her concerns about giving women the right to vote, she would be laughed at for sounding positively backward.

It's at this point I have to question what my problem is with the festival. Why is it that I feel the need to warn others that if they decide to go down to the park when it's on, there will be people without shirts. Why is it that I giggle when the topic comes up, and when encouraged to go down there, emphatically say no I won't be there?

I guess we'll have to see if they try this again next year.

Here. Have A Bag Of Guilt

I wonder if this thief subscribes to my friend's school of thought on returning lost items. It seems s/he stole bunches of stuff from bunches of cars in a neighbourhood, then felt guilty about it, so...rounded up all the items, put them in a bag and threw them on a random lawn with a note. No explanation of where they were taken from, just an apology.

I guess some items are finding their way home, but what an odd way to do things.

Jack Layton Lost His War With Cancer

Really, I was having such a nice weekend with friends. Why did yesterday have to be filled with so much death and destruction?

And one death is the focus of this post. I found out that early yesterday morning, Jack Layton, the federal NDP leader, lost his battle with cancer. He was 61.

He has been such a fighter. Through a broken hip, one battle with cancer, and other things which I'm sure I've forgotten, he just kept going. Through it all, he managed to lead his party to a pretty amazing place for them, official opposition status. This for a party who got snickered at not too long ago.

Then, after the election, he made an announcement saying he had to step aside and focus on fighting cancer. I remember listening to his speech and thinking he did not sound like himself at all. I hoped he would make it, but a small part of me was afraid it was all over, even though that's not what I wanted to think. And goddamn it, that small part of me was proven right.

Even though we have lost him, we can hope that his party will remember his spirit and it will inspire them to keep up the momentum. Hopefully this letter he wrote a couple of days before his death might help. I can't imagine writing something like that. But he did.

I remember when I met him with a few friends in a random restaurant years ago. Although it was just a conversation about whether or not we had a good meal, and I was reduced to sounding like Porky Pig when he introduced himself, I do think that it was pretty cool that the leader of a party would walk up to a bunch of folks and just start talking to them. I know they do that when campaigning, but this was just some random night at a random restaurant.

If anyone in Guelph wants to send condolences to Jack Layton's family, Our MP, Frank Valeriote, has a book of condolences at his office located at 40 Cork Street East that you can sign.

Rest in peace, Jack. What a shame that cancer had to go and do what it does best, bring lives to an end way too soon.

You Did What To Your Computer?

I saw this on Twitter, and after I finished smacking my fist, laughing, and making noises as if someone just strangled me, I felt it had to get posted up here. 6 Reasons the Guy Who's Fixing Your Computer Hates You

Why did it make me do all of these things? Because it's, so, true. Steve and I have seen levels of it firsthand, and neither of us are computer geniuses. But we've tried to fix enough small to large computer problems to know all of this is true. Yeah, mom and dad, that porn on your computer? It didn't come from my sister. You have yourself a nice infestation there.

Allow me to add a seventh blind-guy-centric reason the guy fixing your computer hates you. It gets really frustrating when people tell you what an error message says, and you google what they say, only to find that they didn't actually spell it out, they just sorta guessed at what their screen reader said. So, you spend a whole heap of time barking up the wrong Google tree.

I sent it to Mr. Do a Good Turn and hoped that he'd get a good giggle. I also hoped that he didn't hate me for pieces of no. 5 and no. 1. I've been known to think a problem is a quick fix, only to find...um...uh-oh...that's a lot of googling you've got to do there, dude. And no. 1 simply because I didn't have backups, remember?

Um, yeah, about that...let's get ourselves an external, you dumbass.

Anyway, have a chuckle or 6 if you can relate to any of this.

There Were Balls And Some Dribbling, But There Was No Sign Of The NBA

I've never visited Seattle, so I can't say for sure whether or not the city is suffering from a critical free love shortage. I can, however, hazard a guess that Nicholas L. Davis' apparent remedy for the issue likely isn't going to help.

So, just what was his grand plan? Well, if you guessed lying down on a basketball court at 3:30 in the morning and "masturbating violently," you win. No, I think I'll pass on your congratulatory handshake, thanks.

According to charging papers filed with King County Superior Court, the officer watched for about 30 seconds as Davis was “masturbating violently.” Davis stopped after spotting the officer’s patrol car.

Contacted by the officer, Davis attempted to explain his actions, a Seattle detective told the court.

“There just isn’t enough free love in Seattle,” Davis is alleged to have said.

This isn't the first time Davis has run afoul of the law while in search of free love. He was convicted of second-degree rape after an incident in 1999. He was arrested following the basketball court escapade for violating the conditions of his release from prison on that conviction.

He's currently being held in the King County Jail on a charge of indecent exposure with sexual motivation.

Tomato, Tomahto, Lighter, Revolver, Let's Shoot Your Right Arm Off

A woman in Banning, California, had better be getting her daughter one awesome Christmas present this year to try making good for mistaking a gun-shaped object she found on the ground for a novelty cigarette lighter and shooting her with it.

Rachel Avila, 30, and her daughter were talking in front of their mobile home Sunday when Avila spotted what she thought was a novelty cigarette lighter lying on the ground, said officials with the Banning Police Department.

It was shaped like a miniature firearm, police said.

Avila picked up the object and tried to light it by pulling the trigger, police said.

The first time, nothing happened, but her second attempt released a 22-calibre bullet.

“The bullet struck the ground, and then ricocheted upward and entered her daughter’s upper right arm,” Banning police said in a statement.

The girl was taken to a local hospital for treatment, but later released.

Police, meanwhile, figured out that the lighter in question was actually a "North American Arms, 22-calibre, derringer style revolver." They also warned residents to call police instead of messin' around with gun-lookin' stuff they find outside. Well, they actually put it a little differently, I'm just making sure the message's target audience understands it.

Something Else To Add To The Blech Box

Alright, kiddies, ready for a picnic? I've packed a special box just for yoooou!

First we have some smart bacon for the vegans among us. Next up, if we're stranded overnight, we have this entire breakfast we can make out of processed things. We even have cheeseburgers in a can or whole chickens in a can for dinner! And it's a picnic, so we have to have sandwiches. But these aren't your everyday sandwich. No no no. These are Candwiches! Mmm. Eat 'em up, yum! No? You're running away? Why? I think this piece from the website makes them sound downright scrumptious, don't you?

Candwich™, the official "Sandwich in a Can", is the perfect food for people on the go.   Busy moms, school kids, and outdoor recreationists love Candwich™.   The unique packaging offers convenience and protection in both lunch boxes and backpacks.   Whether packing a lunch for school or work, feeding kids on the run, or headed out for a fun outdoor adventure, Candwich™ is a great-tasting, healthy alternative to fast food.  

With an extended shelf-life, Candwich™ is ideal for emergency food storage needs in the event of a natural disaster.   Candwich™ tastes great, and because of the special Army formulated recipe, the bread stays as soft and sweet after one-year in storage, as it did the day it was made (If you can ever keep them around that long)!

Come on, kids, eat up! No, I won't be having any of those. But they're soooo gooood!

Someone Killed The Mosquito!

Well, I guess I don't have to worry as much as I thought about those mosquitos. I guess they've been on before, but now the owner has decided to turn them off.

What's weird is I'd never noticed them and neither had the dog. But then again, I don't walk through that alley much. But from what I'd read, I would have walked close enough to have set them off I would think.

So for now, I guess it's not a concern. But if I do notice it in other places, then I might recognize the problem. At least it's something I would think of.

There Was Poopin' In The Park One Day

File this one under ug, this is the kind of shit, har har, that cops have to deal with sometimes.

For reasons that were not explained, a fellow had been banned from entering a given park. When cops found him there, they told him he was trespassing, and tried to place him under arrest. But when they told him to put his hands behind his back, he refused. When he finally told them why, his reason wasI can't put my hands behind my back because I'm making a bowel movement. And then, as if to prove his point, he reached inside his shorts, and, um, showed them the proof.

Blarf! *gag* Really, I have no other words. Those poor cops have stronger stomachs than I.

Douglas Archie Clark, Defrauding People Left, Left, Left Right Left

Remember Douglas Archie Clark? That fake war veteran who also had fake cancer? Well, he's been at it again. And after they rearrested him because he didn't show up for his July court appearance, wasn't sticking to his release conditions, and was ripping more people off, they released him...again, with more release conditions. Yeah, because the last time they released him it went so well.

Wanna bet he does this a third time?

Tell The Government You'd Rather They Not Spy On Your Every Online Move

I should have posted this back when I signed it, but it's not too late to add your name and try to stop this awful Conservative Government legislation from passing.

The government is trying to ram through an anti-Internet set of electronic surveillance laws that will invade your privacy and cost you money. The plan is to force every phone and Internet provider to surrender our personal information to "authorities" without a warrant.

This bizarre legislation will create Internet surveillance that is:

• Warrantless: A range of "authorities" will have the ability to invade the private lives of law-abiding Canadians and our families using wired Internet and mobile devices, without a warrant or any justification.


• Invasive and Dangerous: The laws leave our personal and financial information less secure and more susceptible to cybercrime.


• Costly: Internet services providers may be forced to install millions of dollars worth of spying technology and the cost will be passed down to YOU.

If enough of us speak out now the government will have no choice but to stop this mandatory online spying scheme. Sign the petition now, and forward it to everyone you know.→

If you care at all about your rights and freedoms and are proud to live in a country that doesn't stifle its people to the extent of oh, let's say China, go to StopSpying.ca and sign the petition. The criminal code may need a bit of modernizing here or there to catch it up to newer technologies, but this goes further than should ever be necessary.

Basebrawls And The Man In White

Let's get today's horrid Jays game out of our systems with a little bit of baseball history, shall we?

Here's a fun piece on basebrawls from Baseball Prospectus. Number 5 in particular is one for the ages.

While we're on the subject of baseball and since I mentioned the Jays, this whole mysterious sign stealing man in white thing. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you can read the tripe for yourself right here.

I'm not going to say much about it since people much more qualified than I seem to have it covered from just about every possible angle, but I will say this. There are a lot of problems with this story. The cherry picked stats they're using to try to prove something they ultimately don't end up proving. The lack of video of this man in white in action which you'd think ESPN, as big an organization as it is, would be able to find quite easily. The lack of complaints save one or two before this was published. and then there's this. Aaron Hill and Adam Lind didn't have the best of years in 2010. Why didn't sign stealing man help them out a little more? John McDonald, much as I love him, was not a 300 hitter last year. If the man in white was any good, shouldn't he have been? Or are you telling me Johnny Mac is so awful that not even impossible levels of cheating can help him? And speaking of awful, are the Jays such a shit team that even though they knew what was coming at them and when during most if not all of their home games, they still couldn't win the East, or at least the wild-card? All of these questions and we haven't even touched the issue of whether a batter would be able to see a guy from that angle or how said guy relays things that quickly.

Do the Jays steal signs sometimes? I don't know, but I imagine probably isn't a totally wrong answer. But then again, who hasn't isn't a bad question either. Sign swiping has been going on in baseball since there's been signs in baseball. It's part of the game. But to suggest that it's happening in the way it's supposedly happening here is completely fucking preposterous and takes a nice, warm steamer all over ESPN's credibility.

Step Right Up To The Latest Carnival!

Well, here it is. The Assistance Dog Blog Carnival is up. It got delayed due to some pretty hard personal stuff she had to deal with, but it's up. So go hop about, learn some stuff and meet some new people.

Run And Hide From Man Hide

I feel dirty linking this video, but some of you may have been lucky enough not to have seen it to this point and writing is all about context, so here it is.

Listen, Dove. I like your soap well enough. Irish Spring is my personal favourite, but my mom's house has been a Dove house for years, so I end up using your product quite a bit when I'm there. It's pretty good. does the job. I use it, I feel clean, everybody's happy. And that shampoo you've come out with isn't too shabby either. Carin came home with some a few weeks ago and we both quite like it.

But we need to talk, because not everybody is happy anymore.

I understand why you came out with your line of DOVE MEN+CARE guy soaps. As much as I hate it, marketing is what it is and everybody's gotta make a buck. I get it. But seriously guys, man hide? That's not only marketing at its worst, but it's also pretty gross.

Man hide, as a phrase, will never catch on with regular people. Ever. Anyone outside of your company using the term is either a giant douche, or has recently been coughed on by a giant douche and contracted a case of giantdoucheitis. This is not just my opinion. Everybody I've mentioned the term to or watched your commercial with has the same basic reaction.

And that's the other problem. Reactions. Man hide? Man hide. Man...hide. Let those words bounce around your brain for a few seconds. They're kind of disgusting, aren't they? Man...hide. When I hear man hide, I think not of rugged, manly men working hard on the farm or cutting down trees and then coming home for a nice, moist shower, but rather of wrinkled, chafed nutsacks. Causing visions of some dude's ballbag and the sugarplums swinging within to dance in my head is a poor way to sell me on something. I'm being 100% honest when I say that the term man hide often stops me in my tracks for all the wrong reasons. When I have to put a task on hold so I can gag for a second, that's bad. And when your ad comes on while I'm eating hotdogs, that's even worse. And again, that's not just me.

I'm begging you, please stop. I visit my mom a lot, and I'd like to be able to shower over there without blarfing in the tub because of the soap she chooses to use. Your commercial is ruining people's enjoyment of cleanliness in much the same way as Subway ruined eating a few years ago. Please, let's just retire this whole man hide thing and market the stuff as soap. Everybody needs soap, just tell me in simple terms why I need yours. That's all a real guy wants anyway. We don't need fancy gimmicks, especially not vomitous ones like friggin man hide.

This Provincial Election, Home Visits Are Available

I just saw this in the Election Connection newsletter. Pretty cool if you need it.

Elections Ontario is offering home visits for those who can't make it to their returning office. You can apparently arrange for the visit to happen up to the day before election day, so that's pretty cool.

If you need one of these, call before August 30 to book it.

I'll definitely say there are more options for voting for folks with disabilities this provincial election. Hopefully this one's getting publicized widely.

My Pizza Is Cold And Your Service Sucks, .com

Man. For a guy feeling lazy enough to order his pizza online, he sure is energetic when things go wrong.

The 26-year-old man's pizza order went awry when he mistakenly submitted an online order for carryout rather than delivery.

He realized the mistake an hour later and called Toppers, 21461 E. Moreland Blvd., and arranged to have his order delivered.

He became upset when his food arrived cold, and after airing his grievances in a phone call, drove to the store to hurl the pizza, breadsticks and obscene comments at Toppers employees.

He later admitted to everything, said he was sorry and that he didn't want to hurt anyone. He's been cited for disorderly conduct.

If he has to pay a fine, don't let him do it online. That may not go well.

Di?wad

I recently had occasion to contemplate one of the world's great childhood mysteries. A question that has seemingly plagued children in schoolyards and on playgrounds everywhere for generations.

The other night, while enjoying a game of baseball and a cold beer in the friendly outdoor confines of my balcony, it happened. Carin, carrying on a nice telephone conversation with a friend while sitting next to me, called some unfortunate soul a "ditwad".

Unable to resist, I piped up and asked the question that's been on my mind and surely that of others for as long as we can remember. Is the correct term ditwad, dipwad or dickwad? I have heard friends called and have been accused myself of being all three at various times, yet there appears to be no consensus on which one is correct, or whether all are permissible and dictated by circumstance. If the former, how has such an important detail gone undocumented for so long? And if the latter is the case, how have such rules gone unenforced, and where might official usage documentation be obtained? As insults are somewhat of an art form, it is imperative that proper etiquette be adhered to so that false rumours and accusations will not fly around among otherwise gentlemanly and ladylike young people.

My question was met with much laughter and even a what in god's name are you talking about from Carin, and probably a this guy's an idiot from the end of the phone I was unable to hear. But I do feel, as should you, that this issue is important and in dire need of addressing, so I regret nothing.

I get to meet this friend of Carin's tomorrow, as I have been invited to join the two of them for dinner and drinks. Perhaps I shall raise the issue again now that all parties have had more time to lend it the consideration it deserves. I may find myself eating and drinking alone should this happen, but any consequence I may pay for bringing this dispute a step closer to resolution is a consequence I'm willing to endure.

A New Goalball League For Toronto

This was sent my way by our old friend Matt. It sounds like a really good opportunity for people to learn goalball or get another chance to play the game. I hope lots of people take advantage of it.

The Ontario Blind Sports Association (OBSA) in partnership with the City of Toronto is proud to offer a recreational goalball league through the City of Toronto Parks and Recreation.

This league will run once a week for the duration of 8 weeks during the City of Toronto's, Fall/Winter Seasson.

People of all ages and all visual abilities are welcome. During these sessions, participants will learn the rules of the game and drills to help improve their game and endurance and of course, play full games.

All equipment will be provided and this amazing opportunity is free of charge!

The first try-it session is Thursday, September 8th from 7:00 p.m. - 8:30 p.m. at Mitchell Field Community Center, which is located at 89 Church Avenue M2N 6C9 (close to Finch Station). 

Can't wait to see everyone there! 

If you have any questions, please contact the office at (416) 426-7191

The Trouble With Radio, Or At Least Some Of It

It should be obvious to anyone who's listened long enough that radio has lost its way. There are a lot of reasons for this, but I just read an article by Alan Cross that nails one of the major problems. All of the cost cutting by the companies that run things means less live people on air, which in turn means there's nowhere for new talent to develop. Instead of somebody who's pretty good getting a start in a small market, getting better and then moving up, you get the crap we have now.

I've said to Carin and others for years now that if you listen to the radio today vs. when you were young, you hear a lot of people who sound like they're fresh out of broadcasting school and probably never should have gotten even that far. They don't sound like they belong. They don't command, they don't engage. They don't tell you anything beyond the time and temperature or maybe when Idol is on this week. They're broadcasting, but they aren't broadcasters. There's a big difference.

It's not all their fault, of course. Management knows what it wants, and most of the time, creativity and passing on useful/interesting information don't make the list. But whoever you choose to blame, it's a real problem that's going to wind up killing the industry.

He’s correct, of course. When I was PD at 102.1 the Edge—the second largest commercial alternative-rock station in North America—finding someone to fill an opening was often an exercise in despair. Where were the stars of small-and medium-market stations of years past?  The demos I received were technically competent enough but lacking in that something which makes your ears perk up.

The art of storytelling seems to be in danger.  The jocks I grew up with knew how to hook listeners into a story or bit so that they’d have to sit in the driveway to hear the end of it.  They’d tell me why I needed to know about a song/band/album.  They’d create context around music, events and information.  They taught me cool new words and phrases.  I learned why (or why not) I should pay attention to trends.  Once he/she was done, you couldn’t wait to re-tell the story to a friend.

But now with automation, cost-cutting and the lure of other careers in media, the storyteller—the context provider—is an endangered species on music radio. And the timing couldn’t be worse.

Do I Have To Shriek About This?

I heard about these weird devices called the mosquito. They're supposed to emit a high-pitched sound that is irritating to teenagers, but the rest of us have had our hearing naturally degrade so we don't even notice. I thought it was kinda weird, and if I were a teenager, I'd probably feel offended that some store owners were choosing to repel me like some kind of unwanted rodent, but never really gave it any thought. Now I hear that somebody in Guelph has chosen to install one of these, but is too cowardly to admit who they are. There's something about that whole thing that seems wrong. If teens are such a problem for you that you went and spent money installing a device to keep them away, you might as well stand up and say who you are. Plus, they're going to figure it out when it starts squealing.

But I got thinking. If this sound is painful or annoying to teenagers, what will it do to dogs' ears? If it is extremely distracting to my dog, could it end up being dangerous for me? If it's in an alley near an intersection, will the sound reach Trix's ears while we're trying to cross nearby?

Hell, what will it do to me, and other people whose hearing is more sensitive? I notice high-pitched noises more than your average bear.

And they keep saying that really, they're not trying to stop teens, they're trying to stop loitering. Well, I've got news for ya. Have you ever walked around downtown Guelph and noticed how many adults hang about aimlessly there? Is it going to stop the weird Italian guy who hangs around down there yelling "Free Pizza?" I don't think so. Something tells me his hearing has sufficiently degraded. I've heard that his teeth have. Is it going to stop the fully-grown dude who came up to me after I bought something from the LCBO, chased me down the street, constantly insisting that that bag was tooo heavy for me, let me carry it? I don't think so. He creeped me out so much that I took a cab home...which was two blocks away at the time.

Don't get me wrong, I feel pretty safe in Guelph. But what I'm trying to say is I'm afraid this sonic teen-repellent thing may not solve the problem, and have unintended consequences for completely innocent people that don't fit the demographic. Plus, it might discriminate against completely innocent teens too!

A Flash Of Adventures On Carden Street

Yesterday, I had an interesting adventure, so I thought I'd share.

Back a bit ago, Steve mentioned the Flash of Cash on Carden Street 2.0. I was pretty happy that there would be another one, because I'd missed the first one. So I planned to be on Carden Street at noon, and be part of this. I'd never been part of one of these flash mob thingies.

I started to get worried about the flashiness of this flash when I wasn't seeing any tweets about it in the morning. No "hey guys, anyone need a drive downtown?" No "Hey let's meet at the corner of Carden and Wilson." But I thought maybe the people I was following just weren't coming. I wasn't overly worried.

...

So, at noon, I wandered up to the corner of Carden and Wilson and stood there looking rather confused. Hello? Is anyone there? I was then approached by an official-sounding man. I think he was police or security or something. He nicely asked if he could assist me in any way. I thought I had better pick my words carefully. In light of all the recent flash robs, I didn't even want to say flash mob. Plus, you know my history concerning talking to a cop about Twitter. I wonder if that cop still thinks I'm some crazy stalker chick.

Thankfully this guy kind of understood, but told me there was no one anywhere to be found that appeared to be organizing in a group.

So I wandered up and down Wilson Street and heard "Hey! There's a news reporter!" All excited, I ran to the person who had said that, and asked what that news reporter appeared to be covering. She didn't know, but walked me right up to her. "She wants to talk to you!" she said, and ran off. There I was, standing next to Nadia Matos.

Hmmm. Not exactly what I wanted to do. I just thought if the reporter was where the action was, maybe that's where the people were gathering. So here I was, hoping she wasn't taking some kind of live action coverage of something, and there I was, loo dee doo dee doo, right in the shot. When I asked her my question, she hadn't heard of it.

Beginning to question my sanity, standing here on this corner of Wilson and Carden, I was wondering what I should do. I really don't know a lot of the merchants on Carden. Yes, I'm a fail. But I was hoping to learn about a few of them by talking to some other folks who were down to support the merchants. Maybe I'd learn a thing or 6. But since I can't really stroll up and down the street looking at signs, I was not going to be able to accomplish a lot all by myself.

And that's when it happened. A guy who had participated in the last flash of cash appeared. I had never been so happy to see him in all my life! I think I scared the poor fellow. But he pointed me in the direction of the organizer of the event, Rob Campbell. And there we were, Rob, his friend, and I. It looks like we were the only ones who showed up to flash our cash. Oh dear dear.

I had planned to go check out B-Chocolate. I'd heard a few good things about it. But damn it all, they were closed this week. I didn't check before I left! Fail!

So we decided to go eat lunch at Wok's Taste. I hadn't been there in years, so I thought that was a good idea.

And that's when I encountered it. "You can't bring your dog in here." I face this so rarely that I'm left sputtering and stammering when it happens. I knew full well that Chinese restaurants and businesses owned by people who have recently immigrated here are likely places where it may happen, but I never know which ones will do it. What was even more shocking was when I said it was a service dog, then a guide dog, then a seeing eye dog, the response was the same. "Too bad!" Uh, no, bzzzz, try again. The law doesn't allow for "too bad." I suggest you read The Blind Person's Rights Act.

The Blind Person's Rights Act (Revised Statutes of Ontario, 1990) - Chapter B.7; Regulation 83 (Revised Regulation of Ontario, 1990) Ontario laws guarantee a blind person the legal right to be accompanied by a specially trained dog guide in all public accommodations and facilities. No extra charge can be levied because of the dog's presence. A dog guide user is also guaranteed the right to equal housing accommodations, and no special terms or conditions can be imposed because of the dog's presence. The Attorney General is authorized to issue to dog guide users a special identification card, which is prima facie evidence that a dog has been specially trained. The identification cards issued by dog guide schools to their graduates also are appropriate evidence of such training. Public accommodations and facilities include stores, restaurants, taverns, hotels, and common carriers such as trains, buses, and taxis, and other conveyances, as well as any other place or facility to which the public customarily is invited.

I also recommend you read about the Accessible Customer Service Standard, which will affect you in 5 months, which also says that patrons with service animals must be permitted to eat in your restaurant and be accompanied by their service animal. Of course the dog couldn't go in the kitchen, but they must be allowed in your dining area.

I wasn't sure what to do. I was here to do something nice for the merchants on Carden Street. I didn't want "flash of cash" to turn into flash a badge. So we just stood our ground. First the lady tried to say we could get takeout and leave. But Rob and his buddy were cool. They insisted that we actually wanted to eat in. That's when the other patrons spoke up and said they couldn't turn away a guide dog. Thank you, thank you, allies! I really didn't want to call the police. I don't like pulling that card. But I also don't like people playing ignorance of the law. If you're going to run a business, know what you legally can do.

We sat down and had a nice meal, and like I told the lady, Trix lay quietly and they never knew she was there.

Some day, I will come back to Wok's Taste. Maybe I'll go there with a group of friends. I like their food. I'm not going to stop going there because of that. I'll just come armed with copies of the law, my Attorney General's ID card, and a well-charged cellphone. Hopefully I won't have to use them, but I'll be ready.

But once the adventure had settled down and we were eating, I had a good time. I had lunch with two cool people who I probably never would have met otherwise. So hey, to everyone who didn't show up, you lose, I win! Thanks Rob and Mark for the cool lunch and conversation. Maybe my fortune is right and I'm about to embark on a delightful journey.

And Rob, if you do one of these again, I'll be there if I can. I think that whole idea is pretty neat. Maybe I should slip down there and bet on when Carden Street will be reopened. That's also a neat idea.

But in all seriousness, those poor businesses are hurting. Whether there's a flash of cash or not, maybe we should all try a little harder to brave the construction and check out what Carden Street has to offer. If we don't, it may not have as much to offer as it used to.

City Of Guelph Backs Down, Does What It Should Have Done In The First Place

Update: Updating to correct a massive oversight on my part. How could I have forgotten this?

Ahh, much better.

Whether it's due to somebody taking the time to explain what a joke is to them or because bad press isn't good for future election prospects, the city of Guelph has decided to do what should have been done in the first place and not sue the business owner who wrote the Three Stooges email or the newspaper that reported on it.

“The City of Guelph will not be proceeding with litigation,” Mayor Karen Farbridge wrote in an email to Marc Black, owner of Hempire on Carden Street, where large-scale construction projects have choked off traffic and weakened business much of the past five years.

The mayor later confirmed in an email to the Mercury the city has also dropped the idea of proceeding legally against the Guelph Mercury newspaper.

Farbridge even offered to put together a meeting between Black and Don Kudo, the city planner named as head stooge in the offending message. Black said he would take the meeting and likely apologize for doing what he did. I still personally maintain that he shouldn't have to, but hey, if they can make nice without unnecessary lawsuits, I'm all for that.

But all is still not well. The city's chief administrative officer Hans Loewig, not knowing when to leave well enough alone and apparently having missed it's a joke/good press and doing the right thing class, still felt the need to drop another dose of butthurt whiner on the poor guy.

Black was less impressed by a subsequent, “less amicable” email from Guelph's chief administrative officer Hans Loewig. In the email copied to other members of the downtown business community, Loewig accused Black of defamation, libel and slander before decreeing the city would not sue him. In an emailed response to questions from the Mercury, Farbridge confirmed it was Loewig, as chief administrator, who initiated the libel notice.

Why do I get the sense that Loewig was told, in a much nicer way, to shut up stupid, would ya please? That section reads like he was ordered to do the sensible thing, had sour grapes about it and felt the need to get in his one last shot.

At any rate, hopefully the Mayor can reign in the stupid and everybody can start getting along and get these projects finished without much more hardship being visited upon small businesses that are just trying to scratch out a living.

Speaking of Carden Street, don't forget to flash some cash down there this afternoon, or at your earliest convenience. They could really use it.

File Downloads Restored. Thanks For The Heart Attack, Blind File Sharing

Well that sure is a load off our minds. It appears our long file server nightmare is over.

Somebody over at Blind File Sharing, where all this stuff is hosted for now, was a little slow on the draw and let the domain expire. In so doing he almost made Carin and I expire along with it as we came to the horrible realization that hey, we have no access to anything anymore and we don't know when or if we're getting it back since they haven't been the easiest folks to contact of late. We're currently using them to host downloads for 2 sites as well as to back up some personal things, so BFS being in the land of the living is kinda sorta important to us.

If you were wanting to download anything you should be able to now, so have at it. Carin is in the process of hoovering everything onto her machine so we have the safety net we should have had in the first place, stupid us. Let this be a lesson everyone. Even if something presents itself as a back-up service, do yourself the service of backing up your important things on sight. we'd done that with some things, but due to unfortunate circumstance we ended up not having access to some pretty damn near impossible to replace files.

Speaking of that, thanks to everybody for their help in getting us our VC audio casts back. We had or were on the verge of getting pretty much all of them, which is amazing to both of us. I mean seriously, you guys saved that crap? You're awesome and we really appreciate it.

This experience may end up speeding the site move we've been talking about along. Time will tell, but for now, I'm just glad that the world has been righted. We can breathe again.

And note to Blind File Sharing: Please, try to keep in better contact with the people who rely on you. It's the professional thing to do. Things happen, we understand that. But it's your job to make sure that we know about those things because when things happen to you, they also happen to us.

The Sound Of Silence

Update 4: Everything works again, thank Christ. Details, thank yous and gentle scoldings can be found here.

Update 3: Well, it looks like Ro still had our August monster. Holy crap was that ever a stroke of luck. And Barb is going to give me the cozycast and the mini Canada cast. So...we're one hell of a lot closer to there than I'd hoped. But if anyone has anything, please thwack us a comment or an email.

Update 2: Thanks to Jen, we now have our first cast, which we did because Ro went to guide dog school. We still need the rest though, so if you have any of them, we'd be eternally grateful for them.

Update: In more awesome news, with the domain for the file server down, we have no FTP access. If you don't understand what that means, the non-technical end of it means that everything we've put up there is pretty much held hostage and we, much like you, can't get at it. So if, and this is a big if because seriously, who would save those, you happen to have any of the audio casts that Carin and I recorded, can you let us know so we can arrange to get them from you? I don't have them and if Carin used to she lost them when her computer died, so if we can't get them back we've been hosed out of hours and hours of content. We'd really rather that not happen, so if you can help us get our hands on them we'd both very much appreciate it.

If you've been trying to download any audio files from here and it hasn't worked lately, we had no idea until right now.

Turns out the company that was hosting them for us let the domain expire and now either has to renew it or let it die. Why no, I am not amused. There's nothing we can do about it short of finding a new place to put everything which has kind of already been in the works for a long time, as we've mentioned before.

In the meantime, we're kinda fucked. There's nowhere we can move everything temporarily until we make the permanent switch. So, bare with us I guess. We'll do what we can, whatever that may be. And until then, we're really, really sorry.

More Cancer Fakers Taking Their Lumps From The Legal System

What is up with all the cancer fakery? I have two more stories, so I think it's time to make a tag. I also hope that the act of making a tag might stop the stories from coming out. Come on, it's possible. It worked with Kidnapped?

The first one is the story of Breanne McGuire, a teacher from Kitchener. She told her coworkers she had cancer, and they raised a bunch of funds for her treatment. Nope, no cancer. Now she has fraud charges.

Next up is Alicia Tolton of Pennsylvania, who convinced her friends she had cancer, so they threw her a benefit and gave her money and gifts. Turns out she just needed some money to pay some bills.

Guys, you're really doing a lot of damage to the people who have real cancer. Even now, when my parents were going to a benefit for a local person who has cancer, there was a part of me that was suspicious, even though I knew that this person with cancer is my parents' neighbour. But all of these people have caused me to be suspicious when I never would have been before. Sad.

Imagine The Trouble He Could Have Caused If He'd Had Some Coffee In Him

While Carin and I try to decide whether or not to record some audio for you all on this here holiday Monday, have one of these.

According to deputies, Gabriel R. Letennier, 39, allegedly became irate with the Dunkin' Donuts staff because he felt they were taking too long to serve him coffee. Police said he then allegedly threw a one-pound bag of coffee at a staff member, hitting her in the back.

He was issued an appearance ticket to Farmington Town Court and released on his own recognizance.

Letennier was charged with second-degree harassment and disorderly conduct. Is there something I don't know about the laws in this area, or is the lack of an assault count kind of a big oversight?