A Few Notes From The Trip, Including What The Presents Were

I hope that's a good picture, I had to go online to find one since nobody's around to take one for me right now and I don't trust myself to get one with the whole cover visible.

Anyway, what I hope you're looking at is the cover of the book my brother got me for my birthday. And when I say got, what I actually mean is found in a garbage can while helping out with a recycling drive. It sure is nice to know that I'm loved and thought highly of I'll tell you that right now. Seriously though, great find Brad, great find.

The trip home has been good so far. We didn't end up going anywhere to celebrate on Saturday like we had planned since mom has been fighting something and wasn't really feeling up to it, but we stayed around here and had a good time just the same. The good time was helped along substantially by the bottle of Canadian Club that was the other part of my present from the same bastard the book came from and a little game we played with it. for those of you who remember thefunctiongame,it shouldn't be much of a mystery what that game involved. Just substitute the word function for the words retard and retarded and you've got it figured out. I believe the final tally was 19 according to mom the official scorekeeper, and I think only 2 out of the 4 of us actually made it all the way to the end.

While I'm on the subject of presents, I got theone that wouldn't fit in the caron Friday. My guesses were wrong, but that's totally fine. Carin and I now have a brand new freezer that fits perfectly near our kitchen. We've wanted one for years, but our old place had the shittiest electrical set-up possibly in history, and even though we've been in the new place for more than 3 years we've just never gotten around to getting one. Now we don't have to worry about it, all we have to do is fill it up which is the fun part. It'll be nice to be able to take true advantage of good sales and not have to think about buying only what we think will fit in the freezer in the top of the fridge or what we know we're going to use right away. Maybe when I get home I'll take a blind guy picture of it, because I need more things to take blind guy pictures of.

Things have been busy here but there's really not much else that needs writing down. I saw some other family on Sunday, went to the eye doctor for the first time in like 10 years yesterday and other than that have just been generally having fun spending time with everybody. the true nuttiness starts on Thursday and won't really stop until at least next Monday when I'm back in my own place. Even then there's still me and Carin Christmas and I'm pretty sure we still have to exchange gifts with some other friends from the building so there's a ways to go before everything can work on getting back to normal.

I'll post more when I can, whenever that is. Until then, merry Christmas once again and if you haven't heard the latest batch of singing screenreaders,they're here.Feel free to share and enjoy.

I Invite You To Share In My Pain

Since I've been home my sister has been subjecting us to these horrible videos by someone going by the nameNichole337on YouTube. I have no idea how she found this woman, but she won't leave us alone with her now.

Whoever this person is seems to think she's some kind of great singer and has taken to uploading what she calls covers and original songs. I say what she calls because I'm not sure what I'm hearing could be called songs. Original most definitely, but songs...the jury's still out on that one and it said it's not coming back in until I turn this shit off.

Let's start with one of her own creations. Have you ever had one of those days where you're shopping and your feet hurt? Well, if you were to attempt expressing that feeling in musical form, I hope against hope that it wouldn't sound likeBoth Of My Feet Hurt.Feet nothing, how do you think my ears are feeling? And does anybody else think that when she says hurt she sounds like a car horn?

this song actually seems to be getting quite famous, so much so that people havestartedcoveringit.They all seem to do it technically better than she does, but she's definitely one of a kind.

The real fun(?) starts when you get into her remakes.

TryIt's All Coming Back To Meon for size if you find yourself not appreciating Celine Dion as much as you should. Oh, and "if you listen really good you can hear Sponty my uncles cat singing along." I'm not sure if I heard it because the whole thing kind of sounds like a cat stuck in a door crying for help, but I bet if old Sponty is audible he's not so much singing along as he is screaming out a suicide note.

Here she is doingI Will Survive.Well, that makes one of us. I am afraid and petrified, though. I have a feeling she's just figuring this song out now. It comes off like she's reading the lyrics and trying to unravel the complexities of the melody as she goes.

There are a whole lot more of these,but I'll end with this, the best trainwreck I've seen in a long time. You can find the rest on your own if you really want to.You Should've Said No by Taylor Swift, complete with the video she's singing along to freezing a few times.I hear the facials are great in this one. Actually I hear they're great in all of them due in large part to her weird lips, one of which doesn't appear to move like it should.

Part of me is convinced that this has to be some kind of joke, that somebody with a camera is fucking around with the internet trying to start a craze, but I can't be sure. My mom appears to be leaning towards it being real and Nichole likely being retarded, or if not that, then her being the kind of person who would argue with the Idol judges when they told her she was for shit because anybody with any sense can see that she's the next big thing waiting to happen. My sister, well, she just thinks it's funny and is having a grand old time tormenting the rest of us with it. But hoax or not, I've still got like 6 more days here before I'm safely back in my own town and far away from it.

A Christmas Present From The VC

I said we had a little present for you guys, and boy do we. How about a little synth Christmas concert?

Let's start off with some classical sort of stuff. Here's Ding Dong Merrily On High, The Holly and the Ivy and The Christmas Canon. Who knew a synth could sound so beautiful?

Now that those are out of the way, let's sing about chestnuts roasting on an open fire, silver bells, and a white Christmas. Anybody up for a sleigh ride? Even hating snow, this song can't help but get me all bouncy and thinking about how cool it would be to ride in a sleigh. Hey, did anyone else think when they were a kid listening to the disney version of Sleigh Ride that the kids were about to gang up on someone? I had such a love-hate relationship with Sleigh Ride as a kid. I loved the song, but in lots of versions, the ending would scare me. Yes, I was a kid with issues. I didn't like it when songs ended suddenly.

And hey, to anyone out there who used to use Doubletalk, what was the part of Doubletalk that would play those little midi demos? There was Sleigh Ride and a couple of other things. You had to shut ASAP up or the music would crash. I used to think those were awesome back in the day.

Anyway, this isn't about strolls down memory lane, this is about Christmas music. Here's Let It Snow, Merry Christmas Saint Nick and Jingle Bells as sung by a Texan.

Now how about we wrap up by saying to everyone, have yourself a merry little Christmas, and we wish you a merry Christmas.

This concludes the synths' musical performance. If a synth could bow, it would. But we're not quite done. Here is a play being performed by other synths that everyone loves to watch this time of year. Yes, the synths have dragged out the Dickens and present to you...A Synth Carol. Scruge has never sounded so mechanical. The person who did this is a genius. I still get chills at the end, even though synths are playing all the parts.

So to the person who asked if there were speech synthesizers singing Christmas carols, there's your answer. If I don't get a chance to write another post before getting on the big ol' bus, merry Christmas everyone.

Thoughts Knocking Around In My Head

I have more random thoughts. I must be in a thoughtful mood since I'm here all alone. Maybe it keeps me from talking to myself if I write on the blog. Na, I'd probably talk to myself anyway, and hey, if I'm talking, I could be talking to the Trixter.

What I did find myself doing yesterday was singing, and of all things, Tom Lehrer's Christmas Carol. It just came to me out of the blue. I can't help but be amazed at how much of a genius this guy is. He wrote that in the 50's, and it couldn't be more true today, sometimes I think it's even more accurate today. As far as I know, Tom Lehrer is still with us. Let's make sure he didn't get swept off the planet in the great herd-thinning of 2009. Wikipedia says he's still alive, so let's hope they're right. Phew! I don't have to make a so long for him! Let's hope he's still as bright as he ever was. It would be ashame if he's now wasting away with Alzheimer's or something.

Last night, I had it reaffirmed that time is going too fast. Huppy's mom invited me over to their place for dinner. After we finished eating, we were watching some special features on a Star Trek season DVD that they had, and they had an interview with James Doohan, ya know, Scotty. I was trying to remember when he died, and they said it was 2005. I refused to believe them, so looked it up, and my god, it was that long ago! That couldn't be possible, but it is. I can't believe I don't remember that. I mean, he died two days before they came to get Babs. You'd think those two events would be etched in my memory together, but they're not.

And in my attempt to find out when Scotty got beamed up to the great beyond, I found Dead or Alive, a site dedicated mainly to knowing if a given celebrity is dead or alive. You can waste some serious time going through this thing. You can also get scared when you see they're tracking people who are my parents' ages and younger, and they say they only track people after they reach a certain age or if they're sick.

The huppy really wants to crawl, or move, or scoot, or do something. I know, before I know it, he'll be on the move and causing trouble. That must have been why I had the dream I did the other night. I dreamed he was laying there babbling and gurgling and kicking his feet, and then suddenly he was up, on his feet, and running around. Then he fell down and instead of crying, he said perfectly clearly, "Ow! I hurt my arm!" We were all amazed in the dream, and none of us were able to say a word. What a silly dream.

Two more little tips about Echo. If you do reply via email, and you have your email program set to add people to your address book who you reply to, you may want to go through your address book every now and then and clean it out of Js-Kit addresses, because every comment thread you reply to has its own email address.

And this is also why the poor things get flagged as spam. Each address is long, and hairy, and full of numbers and letters, and they look like the spammiest spam ya ever did see to a spam filter. So we may be training the poor spam filters for a while.

I had something reinforced the other day that I already knew. If you have to use the bus to get around, for pete's sake, don't forget anything anywhere along your route. If you do, and you have to finish everything by bus, you will significantly lengthen your time doing everything.

The other day I decided to go get Trixie's weight checked, and I found something last minute that I needed for Christmas. I had ordered it before, but it was backordered, and it was looking like it wouldn't make it. So I found it in town. It wasn't there when I looked before, but I decided to check again, and well look at what I found!

Anyway I set off. But what I didn't realize was I didn't have my bank card with me. I expected it to be in my coat pocket, but had just moved it the night before. I realized this just when I got to the store. Now that's an embarrassing moment. You feel like such a tool. You walk in a store and just realize that you forgot your bank card and you have no money on you. You're sure the people in the store think you're crazy for walking in there with nothing to buy anything with.

I finally decided I would have to bus back downtown to the bank, convince them I am who I say I am, and get some money out that way. So...I had to wait for the bus to take me downtown. I just happened to miss a bus, so I had to wait 20 minutes. I got downtown, got the money, and ran another errand downtown...and happened to miss the next rotation of buses, so had to wait again. Then I had to go back out there, buy what I came for, and then wait for the bus...which I just missed, and then transfer to another bus that would get me home. This tacked on at least an hour and a half of simply twiddling my thumbs waiting for buses and riding them. Ridiculous!

I know inefficiency is the nature of the beast when you're dealing with public transit, but...good god! I was praying that someone I knew would randomly appear, complete with car, and help me out. But I think because life wanted to teach me a lesson, nobody did, and I had to do this all by bus. Did I mention that Thursday was freezing? Let's just say I'll be obsessively making sure I have my bank card with me every time I'm going somewhere else, which means I'll forget something else I need.

And speaking of forgetting things, I could have sworn I had something else I had to say, but I can't remember what it would be. Oh well, when I remember, at least I don't have to catch a bus to put it up.

So I think that's about it for now. Everybody stay warm and cosy, especially those of you who are being hammered by snow down in the states. You can also keep the snow where you are. I don't need it to stop me from getting home for Christmas.

Warning Shot Through The Head

You're riding along in your car, and you see a guy biking on a busy road with his kid in a child's seat. This concerns you and you decide to approach the man. If you're Charles Diez, you shoot the man driving the bike in the head! Luckily, the guy was wearing a bike helmet, and the bullet didn't hit his actual head.

What kind of fucked up stupid logic is that? You think the guy is endangering his kid. This enrages you so much that...you decide to endanger the kid for sure? If the bullet had hit the guy, it would have severely injured or killed him. This could have caused the bike to fall over, injuring the kid from the fall, and then from the traffic on the busy road that might not be able to stop. Maybe some bullet fragments would hit the kid. If the man dies, the kid is now without a dad.

What makes this even worse is this guy is, mor like was, a firefighter! This guy's job is all about saving people, and there he is out killing one.

And here's some stupid justice for you. He only got four months! Ok then.

Another One Becomes Buried In Christmas Cards

Cards tag? What do you think? We can add the family of Nathan Elfrink to the pile of people who will forever regret the decision to ask for a few cards. Someone decided that they really meant a million. Now Nathan Elfrink is no longer with us, and the cards keep coming. They're now asking people to stopstopstopstop.

We Wish Them A Card-Free Christmas

Here we go again. Am I going to have to make a tag for these folks?

We have another little boy who someone has decided needs cards, and cards, and cards, and cards...

Meet Jacob Hadcock. He has cancer, but he is by no means dying. In fact his parents don't want anymore cards.

The loads of mail — more than 25,000 cards — are overwhelming the Hadcock family. While the family appreciates the support for Jacob, they do not wish to receive any more cards. "The cards are a wonderful thing, but we would rather everyone keep Jacob in their thoughts and prayers," Amie Hadcock said.

I could see this turning into a really evil thing someone could do to someone who has pissed them off. Send out an email saying someone at that house is dying, so send cards to...and list the address. I hope that doesn't become the trend.

He's Not Happy It Was A Silent Night...

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I agree with a church on something, for the most part.

A church in New Zealand put up a billboard showing a sad Mary and Joseph lying in bed with the words "Poor Joseph. God is a hard act to follow." I had to chuckle. I know I would if I saw that up somewhere. They did it to get people talking. Of course, people are all up in arms about it. Well I guess they got their wish.

Where I start to get confused is here:

"What we're trying to do is to get people to think more about what Christmas is all about," Cardy told local media.

"Is it about a spiritual male God sending down sperm so a child would be born, or is it about the power of love in our midst as seen in Jesus?"

Hmmm. I might almost be convinced the church is going for column A by the looks of that billboard, even though that's the exact opposite of what they wanted me to think.

And I had to giggle at people like Family First saying that the kids shouldn't be seeing things like this in the street. I could think of far worse things they could be seeing.

Somebody has already splattered paint all over the sign. Yeah, because that's the example we want our kids to follow.

I don't know if I've ever talked about this here before, so hope I'm not repeating myself. As a kid I was always uber confused by the whole virgin birth thing. They'd talk about it being so wonderful and stuff, and then I'd see horror movies where a demon would impregnate a girl in a similar way. And I would think "what's the difference there? In both cases, the girl really didn't get any choice in the matter, everything happened unnaturally fast, and it was all so the person doing the impregnating could have a son. Seems the only difference is the one doing the deed."

And with that, I've probably offended a whole wack of people. Oh well.

Happy Birthday Steve

When I look back at this old post from years gone by, it's almost funny. He says he doesn't feel old yet because he's not 25. Hahahahahahaha! And today, Steve turns 30! Happy birthday, old man. I hope you have a good one, whatever you end up doing with it.

I also hope that you don't have to spend any length of time outside. Jesus mother it's cold out there! I went outside for the morning poop pickup routine, and holy snappin' crap I thought my hands would freeze off! But I guess I should be grateful it's not snowing like it was this time last year.

I don't really have much else to say. I just wanted to wish Steve a happy birthday.

Paul Clarke, The Final Update...I Think

It looks like, if I'm reading this right, Paul Clarke won't be meeting up with Bubba. At least someone can tell me if I'm wrong by reading this little passage.

Instead, he gave Clarke a 12-month sentence, suspended for one year, and put him under a one-night curfew from 8pm tonight until 7am tomorrow.

So, I think, he's in the clear. Maybe? Possibly?

Reading this story, I'm definitely seeing more of the dickish side of Clarke. It's not really what he's saying, it's just the feeling I'm getting from it. Does anyone else think the same thing, or am I alone in this?

I'm glad he didn't go to jail for five years. That would just be plain dumb.

Pleasant Slippery Slope?

Apparently, if people in Pleasant Grove's chamber of commerce don't like something you're selling, they can order that it be hidden from view and not sold. Never mind that the product was completely legal. They didn't like them, so down they came.

There was a kiosk in the mall selling t-shirts that said "Welcome to Pleasant Grove" and showed a picture of someone loading a dead body into the trunk of a car. Apparently, this pushed the buttons of some businesspeople who don't want this image of their area being spread around. They say they have been trying to improve their area's image and don't need this counteracting all their hard work. So somehow, they convinced mall officials to send security goons to take the shirts away.

Whaaat? They can do that? How is that legal? What's next, somebody doesn't like t-shirts advertising their rival's business, so they can have them removed too? This is a dangerous path they're traveling down.

What the not so pleasant residents of Pleasant Grove fail to realize is that now that they have done this, word is going to spread about them doing it, and it will spread far more than it would have if a few people had bought some shirts.

Oh, and I have to giggle that the community relations director's name is Debbie Screws. While she personally didn't put the screws to them, her mall cops sure did.

People In The Bank Can Turn An LOL Into A Great Big OMG

Jeremy Donaldson, next time you're bored standing in a bank line, find another way to entertain yourself. Maybe watch the people around you. Maybe somebody's doing something funny. Or listen to some music. But texting your girlfriend to say the bank is being held up is not a good choice. She may not think you're joking, and call the cops...and when heaps of them show up and there's no robbery, somebody's going to jail for something, and it's you.

As an aside, did the reporter who did this story go to the same school as the one who did the story on the 16-pound nutty cat? They can both stop it now. It's called overkill, and it's annoying.

An Early Merry Christmas

Well, today's the day. In a few hours I'll be heading out for 10 days of birthday/holiday season insanity disguised as a Christmas vacation. By the way, if you need something else to read,here's an old post I wrote about why I hate the term Christmas vacation and the troubling concept of frozen SpaghettiOs.

But back to the point, I'm gone for 10 days. I'll have computer access where I'll be most of the time so I'll try to pop in and say hi when I can, but I wouldn't expect a whole lot of posting out of me for a while. You'll still have Carin for a few days and I know she's got at least one special post planned so you won't be alone, but by early next week she's out of the loop too, even more than I'm going to be. So before I get back to cranking out holiday emails and getting myself organized I wanted to take a moment to wish all of you a very merry Christmas and say thanks for reading and commenting...or what passes for reading and commenting in some cases (first guy I've had to ban from the comment boards in like 5 years, I'm looking at you). I'm pretty sure I can speak for Carin when I say that we really appreciate that there are people out there who choose to read what we have to say and that some of you even enjoy it. It means a lot and we hope we can keep entertaining you for a long time to come.

I will leave you now withthis lovely Christmas song that you will surely want to share with friends and family.Again, merry Christmas and I'll talk to you soon.

I Bet This Marriage Will Be Short

To the bride to be of Jordan Iddings: By the sounds of what's written here and in this more detailed account, you are so in for a life of pain, misery and worry. Way to choose a husband.

During the course of his bachelor party, this guy groped a woman, and then when she slapped him, punched her in the face. Then he cursed at other people, and when a bartender refused to serve them because they already looked wasted, they beat the hell out of him, all the while chanting that they needed to beat him unconscious. More cursing and fighting ensued, involving scaring the hell out of their limo driver. It's bad when your own limo driver starts filming you so he can give the footage to the police. If Ryan Schnabl is his best friend, he sounds like a prize, slugging the driver and taking his camera. Then Iddings head-butted a police officer. Now Iddings has to wear a monitoring device at his wedding.

All these guys sound like complete jackasses. I can't see what anyone would see in them.

You're A Drunk One, Mr. Grinchlet

While this story makes me very sad because of its circumstances, the image of a 4-year-old boy in a brown dress drinking a beer and stealing Christmas presents from neighbours can't help make me cackle and howl.

The poor little guy is messed up something fierce. His dad's in jail, his mom is getting a divorce from dear old dad, and the little guy thinks if he gets in enough trouble, they'll put him in jail with his dad.

One thing I do know is if we can just harness his determination, we can use it to move mountains. He broke a safety device on the door to keep him and the other kidlets in, got into a cooler, opened one of those tab-type beers, and snuck into multiple neighbours' houses.

I wish April Wright, his mom, all the luck in the world. It sounds like the kid has got a lot of problems. I hope she can find people who can help her son stop trying to be his dad, who doesn't sound like a good person to be. I'm glad CPS didn't take him away from her

Don't Turn My Guide Dog Into A Tracking Dog!

Ro and I have been talking about Dutch food and the Dutch store on this post, and it got me thinking about something that happened there once.

I went in to get something, and a lady decided to help me find someone who worked there. I said I would follow her, and then two identical-sounding sets of feet went two different directions. I followed one of them, but it was the wrong one. Then from around the corner, the woman I was supposed to follow said "Oh, she followed the wrong one! I guess there are too many smells!" Smells? She said she had held out some meat to help my dog follow her.

Uh, how about no? My dog is not a scent-detection dog. She in fact is discouraged from sniffing while working. I don't want her going after meat in harness! What if she had gotten it? That would have been bad news! Do not use scent to help someone's guide dog follow you. You would be far better served to talk to the person.

That was a new one, so I thought I should mention it.

Derek Edwards, Round 3

So last night I got my birthday present from Carin. We went out to see Derek Edwards and then for dinner at one of our favourite pubs. A fine time was most definitely had by all...even if I did have to look like a goof walking a round town using a cane that was way too short.

Stupid me did something I never do and left my cane in somebody's car. Thankfully it's winter (never thought I would say those words) which means it's the time of year when I try to limit the walking around in snow and cold because it's snow and cold and because the stuff I take to keep my headaches in check has the strange side effect of making the slightest cold wind go right through me like I'm exploring the Arctic, but it's still a mighty pain in the arse just knowing I did something that dumb. So as punishment I'm using Carin's cane until I get mine back, which should be very soon. Luckily most of the heavy traveling last night was done by cab and the nice lady from the River Run who went above and beyond and offered us a ride from the show to the restaurant so it wasn't that bad, but I felt like a dork tooling around with something that's like a foot shorter than it should be.

The show was great as Derek Edwards shows always are. This is my third time seeing him live and I would definitely go back again. I'm not sure Carin had as much fun as usual because there was quite a bit of repetition of things we'd seen before, but when it takes 3 live shows and countless TV and radio appearances for that to be a problem the guy is definitely doing something right. I don't mind hearing the old jokes again because his delivery is so great and because it's fun to watch folks who haven't heard them before react to them, but I can understand why people might not feel the same way. When I watch comedy I'm paying almost as much attention to how the joke is told as I am to the joke itself, so it's probably easier for me to get enjoyment out of older things than it is for others. I kind of look at radio and TV broadcasters in the same way. When I'm listening to the news I'm focussed pretty well equally on what's being said and how, and a good delivery makes all the difference in the world.

I don't want to spoil anything for anybody who might be going to a show, but there are some great new bits in there about Niagara Falls and one about buying Christmas presents at the drugstore that I'm pretty sure I've never heard before. Speaking of the drugstore, when he hit the part about asking for help to find things I almost cried. I was also happy to see that he's still doing the classic come to the experts laser eye surgery thing. I've heard that one a billion times and I still laugh at it almost like it was the first.

The pub was also great as usual, but I'm kicking myself for wasting an opportunity. Sitting not far from us was a group of guys who work at theF&M Brewery,the place that makes StoneHammer, which is one of my top 3 favourite beers. I said to Carin that I should go over and get an autograph and thank them for all of the joy their hard work has brought to the lives of so many. Our waitress seemed to think this was a great idea. She pretty much cracked up and started telling people around us what I said. I was trying to be funny, but I didn't think I would kill that much with that kind of material. And yes, that joke sounded way better than it does written out. See? It's all in the delivery. In the end I pussed out and went home without the autographed pint glass I was going to try for, but hopefully there will be a next time.

Thanks to Carin for an awesome night, and also to anybody who actually made it through this whole pointless post. There may be more of them to come if I decide to talk about the insanity that is going to be birthday and Christmas celebrations...including a birthday present that I would have gotten a week ago had it been able to fit in the car. I have no idea what in hell it could possibly be, but I think I'll find out tomorrow.

Wrestling Sucks And So Do I, But Wrestling Sucks More

"If WWE keeps booking wisely like they did here and refrains from making stupid decisions to try to fool people..."Me, speaking under the mistaken belief that there was still a shred of a fucking clue left in somebody around that shithole.

So yeah, about that. After watching a pay-per-view that was ok at times and head slappingly upsetting at others and then a 3 hour Raw so stupid that at points I thought about turning it off and giving up on WWE after about 25 years of sticking with them through goodtimes and bad, I can say without a doubt that Vince McMahon and whoever he's listening to have lost whatever may have remained of the shit for brains they've been functioning on for the better part of the last decade.

For Christ's sake, these people beat Kofi Kingston at the exact moment they shouldn't have! And then to make sure that all of the people smart enough to not watch the PPV knew about it, they went ahead and beat him again the next night on the free show! Thanks for comin' out Kofi, it was fun while it lasted. You should have known better than to be good at your job and to start getting over, my friend. If you were allowed to continue with that behaviour you might have found yourself in the position of being a fresh face and money making draw for a company that needs as many of those as it can get.

Just . . . Fucking . . . I don't know. . .

Guess I should get to how I did with my predictions this time out...right after I take a couple deep breaths.

... ... ...

Alright, I think I'm ok now.

The stuff about wise decisions definitely came into play this month, but I've said as much about that as I can. To make the long story I just finished telling a bit shorter, I went from perfect last month back to my usual getting 3 right out of a possible 7. With that I am at 20 points for the contest so far and nowhere near the top 5, top 10 or even the top 25. The guy in the penthouse finds himself at 30 points after a 4 point night and the person in the outhouse remains at 4. Quick tip: it helps if you submit your picks. These people can't read your mind, nor would they want to I suspect.

I'm not going to spend a lot of time going over the show. Like I said, it had its good points and its bad. But I will ask a favour of WWE, not that they'll listen. I am, after all, just a fan.

Please, when somebody gets split open during a match, quit having some guy run out and interrupt things to wipe off the blood. I understand you're trying to be PG and that Linda McMahon hasn't quite finished not winning a senate seat yet, but it ruins the flow of things and takes the crowd out of what are otherwise good matches. If it looks like somebody's going to die then by all means stop the show and put him back together, but under normal circumstances, cut that the hell out! All it does is give people another reason to be angry at you and a few seconds of down time to think about how much your product sucks and how good it used to be.

That's all for now, I think I need a drink. At least the rest of the day will be filled with things more pleasant than thinking about and watching this shit. Carin's taking me to seeDerek Edwardsand have some dinner for my birthday, and there's no way that can be anything but fun.

Grande Death Potto

The story of Andrew Grande choking on a bag of pot he tried to swallow is so completely preventable and so completely dumb.

Ok, if you have a bag of drugs on you, why the hell would you try and swallow it? It's never going to end well. If you do swallow it, who knows what it will do to you. And if they catch you trying to swallow it, which they likely will since you have a bag in your mouth, you'll just get more charges heaped on you. You might as well just hand it over and get the damn possession charge.

And it seems like the deputies went a little nutso when taking him down. Maybe if they hadn't, he wouldn't be dead...but ya never know.

And call me a sick human being, but am I the only one who finds it endlessly funny that the dad says he was always a happy guy, and then not far below, says he had to go to anger management? Hmmm. Happy? Angry? Happy? Angry? Which is it?

What a messs, and a completely preventable one.

Please Return To The Cash Register. Apparently You Are An Asshole

There was another crime committed in this story along with the main one of this dick of a doctor and his wife shoplifting for the thrill of it. They didn't publish their names! They should have, just so his patients can know their doctor is a totally worthless, unscrupulous dickbag.

The not so good doctor and his wife took turns being a lookout while the other went around the store shoving stuff into other store bags, purses, and the stroller that had their two kids in it. So not only are they shitty human beings, they're raising two other human beings who could turn out just as shitty as they are. Just dandy. When they were arrested, they said they had more than enough money to pay for the stuff, they just felt like seeing what they could get away with. I'm glad they got caught.

What's The D In RDSP?

I've discovered something else about the handling of BMO's RDSP's that I think they'd be wise to fix. They don't have things in the works to send statements in alternative formats! Um, that's a pretty big gaping hole.

I called them to inquire about some things, and asked how I could get statements in braille. They said they couldn't do that. I said that I'd heard that BMO's account holders could get their statements in braille. They said they did, but that was handled through a different department and they hadn't gotten around to finding one for us...they were so busy starting everything up in the first place. I said the arranging for alternative formats should have been one of those priorities that was running on a parallel track along with applying for all the grants and bonds and such. I said I needed to refresh my memory on what the d in RDSP stood for. It was for disability, yes? And blindness is a pretty significant disability, no? So it stands to reason that a lot of blind people might choose BMO to hold their RDSP's, since BMO was the first one out of the gate doing this thing. So they might want to get their behinds in gear in the alternative format department.

I said to the person, would you go to a bank that told you they were new, and they hadn't gotten around to establishing a system for mailing out printed statements? No way! I said wouldn't he agree that it's easier to look at the numbers than have them read to him? He sputtered a yes. I asked him if he could pass on my request to someone who could do something about it. He said yes. I told him that I appreciated the fact that I could phone in, but I needed to have access to my statements in a format I could use.

Today, I phoned up to make my final contribution for the year. While I was deciding where I would put my money, the guy asked me if I'd received their book on mutual funds. I said I had, but I couldn't read it because I was blind. Sure I could scan it, but scans aren't kind to tables of numbers. I asked him if he knew of a place online I could download it. I said I'd already tried, but what I got wasn't explanatory in the least. He then offered to send me another book! Hello! If you send me a mountain of print, it is not going to heal my eyes! I said that was not going to work, and it would be better if I could get it in an alternative format. He stammered, and he stuttered, but he came up with nothin' except "Do you have someone to help you?" Is that ringing any bells? I said no I did not. I wanted to read the statements myself. I went through my whole routine about a lot of blind folks may open RDSP's and it would be smart to get moving on alternative formats, and in fact it would be stupid not to, because not doing it shows a lack of understanding of a whole group of customers' needs. Plus, I laughed and said "you would be kicking your competitors' butts." He laughed and said he would pass my request on to upper management.

I urge anyone who has an RDSP to start asking for alternative formats. These are the banks. They can afford to do it, and at least in the case of RBC and BMO, they already do for their regular account holders.

I am so not done with this. I have 3 ideas of things to do. First, I'm going to call back and ask where I can send a letter expressing feedback. I don't think I'll say complaints, because likely that will get me nowhere. Then I'll start composing a letter asking for statements in a format we can use. Then, I'm going to call all the other banks who have RDSP programs and ask them what they have in place with regard to alternative format. Whatever they say, I win. If they all have it, I can say in my letter that BMO is lacking, and if they don't, I can say again that they will be giving themselves a serious advantage if they get a move on with alternative formats. I am also going to read the customer service standard for the AODA and its provisions on alternative format and see if that could force them to comply, or whether they could wiggle out of it by saying that the phone is considered alternative format.

So, anybody else wanna embark on this mission with me? I think it's exceedingly stupid that banks creating the opportunity for people to open RDSP's didn't realize that alternative formats needed to be found for the print. Hello, the percentage of blind customers would be way higher, I would think, among RDSP-holders than among other groups. To refuse to get moving on this reflects a complete lack of understanding of the group they're serving. And I love the attitude that we all have helpers. It feels like a lack of respect that they think we don't need to read our own statements.

Hopefully we can get going and find a solution. Then the system might just be almost perfect. It still sucks that you can't go in and talk to a person at the bank, but I've discovered that you can get people's extensions at the investment centre. So if you find someone you really like, in theory you could try and talk to them all the time. But this whole alternative format thing has to happen, and soon.

If They Think This Is Hard, Just Wait Until They Find Out About The Snowsuit

Good news for everyone who hasn't quite got the scarf figured out,the Neckyis coming to the rescue!

If you order now you can also get a free lock de-icer, even though it seems a touch odd that somebody who can't put cloth over themselves without snaps would be able to operate a car door even when it's summer.

News About the Roundabout

Remember back when I last mentioned the blasted roundabout? Well, it's not gonna happen! I'm so happy, I could dance. Hell, I could do the roundabout death dance!

Before I say anything else, I want to fix the reporter's mistake. There was no support worker. The person who walked through the roundabout with me was Leanne Warren, administrator of Disability Services for the city. It was partly my fault, I didn't make clear who I was talking about. But I did glance in her direction, if she was where I thought she was, that is, and I thought everyone would know who she was. Well, you know what they say about assuming...when will I ever learn? I already emailed the reporter about it. I hope he makes the correction. And I guess Trixie did pull me into the road, but what she did was walk straight through the intersection, treating it as a normal intersection. She wasn't worried about those pesky splitter islands and such. Ok, now I can get on with what I wanted to say.

I went and spoke at that meeting, as the article says, and god I was nervous. I knew what I wanted to say, but would I say everything? Then the mic started feeding back and I got really nervous. But I guess I got it together. I was so happy when I mentioned how I can't judge traffic because I don't hear the same gaps as you see, and then add in hybrid cars and I'm in a whole heap of trouble, and I heard an audible gasp. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Another guy presented stuff about folks with low vision and other disabilities and the trouble they'd have with crossing it, and then the director of a funeral home that is right at the corner where it was going to go got up and talked about how it would mess with them bigtime. I really thought he did a great job.

Afterwards, one of the councilors shook my hand and thanked me for speaking up, and for emailing her. I had emailed her before and explained why this roundabout was a bad idea at least for the blink population. She told me if I had other concerns, I knew how to find her. Good. I have someone who would probably at least listen to me if I had something else on my mind to do with the city.

I guess people heard us, and that corner isn't going to be turned into a roundabout! Yea! Things do work out sometimes when you speak up! Some people told me it would all be useless, it was going in because people wanted to put it in. I kept saying it would for sure go in if nobody spoke up. I guess I was right.

Can I Get A Ride To Jail? I Can't Seem To Find My Bike

Since I've been posting aboutbike shop owning, bike thieving drug possessing Igor Kenkhere and there, some of you might be interested to know that he'staken a plea deal and will be spending a bit of time in jail.I say a little time because the sentence he was given actually started at 30 months, but due to theridiculous 2 for 1 pre-trial custody credit system we have around here,he'll only be serving 4 of them.

We can now also add pipe threatener with-er to Kenk's list of accomplishments according to the story above. He's scheduled to make a court appearance for those charges on Friday.

One Small Slip for Newspaper Man, One Giant Sign of Stupidity for Mankind

Here's a little help for any newspaper who might think this is real. It's not. Oh, and duh.

I guess I can cut these guys some slack, English wasn't their first language, but please! It's so obviously satire.

I wonder how many people are laughing their heads off over at The Onion. "Here they go again, taking us as news!"

Ho Ho Hold Back On The Booze There, Buddy.

It would be pretty weird to find a drunken santa in your backyard. Thomas Arnold was looking for his reindeer on his way home from a party. He found a yard, some little girls, and eventually, a police cruiser.

Maybe Try Wearing Gloves?

Francis Viliar really didn't want to get caught. He paid someone $400 to cut his fingers from knuckle to tip so his fingerprints would be unreadable. Too bad it didn't work. That has gotta suck, after going through all that effort and pain, and for nothing. Not that I feel sorry for him, though.

So Much For The Who Done It Part

a trainload of people attending a murder mystery dinner show near North Fort Myers, florida, got a little closer to the murder and mystery than they bargained for Monday when the train they were traveling onstruck and killed an unidentified man who was lying on the tracks for reasons still unknown.

The dinner train was heading south on the Seminole Gulf Railway toward Fort Myers, Schall said. "There was a male laying on the tracks for whatever reason, and he was run over," he said.

A deputy on the scene said it appeared the man was alive and perhaps fell asleep on the tracks about a half mile north of Slater Road. "It's quite a ways to walk off the beaten path," Schall said.

He said it's too early to speculate why the man was on the tracks.

I'm Running Out Of Names For These Thought Posts

Here comes another thought splatter. Enjoy.

Silly Trixie has a new morning habit. She usually sleeps out in her bed in the living room. I have no idea why. But at some point in the night, she gets up and comes to the bed by me. But she used to just come in and lay down. I'd wake up and there she'd be. But lately, she feels the need to say hello to me. She doesn't make a big production out of it, she just puts her head up on the bed and gives me a sniff or a lick. Then she quietly lays down on her bed and waits for me to wake up. What a little sweetheart.

Every winter, I have to relearn those little things that help me deal with the picking up of Trixie's poop in the snow. The first time snow falls, I'm so clueless. I forget that I can in fact see the contrast sort of, so aim is a little easier. There are times when I think about that relieving harness thingy. But I'm still not sure.

I'm really wishing I hadn't lost that whistle that I had from the Babs days. Honestly, I don't know how I lost it, but try as I might, I can't find it. I had totally planned to teach Trixie to only eat after I blew the whistle, and always carry it with me, because once it's associated with food, it's a great recall tool. I wish I had that right now because I want to take Trix out in the snow to play, but the snow is covered with ice, and I'm always afraid I'll fall if she's running around on a flexi which is tied to me. If I could let her loose and just call her back every so often, I'd know where she was at and be able to keep her from the road.

I should just buy another dog whistle. But I know not all dog whistles are created equal. This one I really couldn't hear it, but I've heard some that I can actually hear and ouch ouch ouch! Maybe I should call the other school, and ask them about whistles, and take a big gulp and ask if they even know where Babs is or how she's doing. She appears in my head, insistantly. Part of me really needs to know.

I have discovered that I'm doomed. Advertising has invaded my brain. The other day, we had the oldies radio station on, and on came "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year." And before I made any conscious thought, I thought "What? It's not back to school time!" Then I realized how ridiculous that was. The commercial for Staples that uses that song and advertises back to school supplies had taken a more prominent place in my head than the actual song. Oh dear dear.

The other day I had said that Harley wasn't doing well, and wished that she would go before they had to take her in. Well, as I said in the comments, I got my wish. When mom and dad woke up, old Harl was laying there, just as if she was sleeping, looking very peaceful. Good, the poor thing didn't have to go through some last moments of panic. That would have been no good at all.

I thought I'd mention two more things about Echo that I've noticed. First, if a sub-thread within a comment thread gets big enough, it gets collapsed in on itself, so the first couple things are shown and then the last thing is shown. There are a set of words that say x number more, click to expand. That text is clickable, even though it doesn't look like it. So screenreader folks, you have to click that to see the rest of the thread. But if you subscribe to the threads by email, you won't even have to deal with that. I'm amazed at how much bigger the threads get because I don't have to go check on them. I just reply to an email. Then I look and...holy crap! That's a lot of comments!

On the good news front, I'm seeing more and more often that when I get emails from Echo, the link doesn't just go to the main page or something, it actually goes to the comment thread where the new comment can be found. You guys rock. Keep leaving the competition in the volcanic dust as Ro put it.

Speaking of Ro, she has news. She had her home interview, and it went well! I knew it I knew it I knew it. Now we just wait until I win the pool...er...she gets her class date.

I got some stuff for Trixie's raisers! It wasn't as cool as I had hoped, but I hope they enjoy it. Next year, I will get something that's a little more filled with Trixie-related pictures or something. But at least this year, they did get to see her in person, so I guess that makes up for it.

Here's a note to Wine Country Gift Baskets. You really should have a contact phone number on the site. Your site is a bit screenreader-unfriendly, and I didn't feel like dealing with it. So I thought I'd call you, but searching for the words "telephone" or "contact us" didn't give me anything. The only time I could find any reference to contact was on the order page where your site asked for my contact info. So, I broke down and ordered your basket from Amazon, and everybody knows how much Amazon pisses me off. Really, you should have a phone number. You don't know how many people you may be losing who don't feel comfortable giving their info over the net, or maybe want to ask a question about something.

But you know what getting Trixie's raisers a gift means? I'm all done! I'm just waiting for a few things to come in the mail, but everything is bought!

And I'm also all done with this post. But don't worry, you'll be seeing more of me later today. Or maybe you should worry, if you're sick of my ramblings.

Bye-Bye Big Lu

Well, I can officially say it now. Luther is gone.

I was afraid his time was sooner rather than later, but it's never easy when it happens.

As I've said before, Luther was the first guide dog I saw a lot of. He was always so chilled, but so unbelievably dedicated. But man he could play. I remember the time he ran around the house with another girl's guide dog. God how they'd tear up and down the hall. And if he ever barked, which was super rare, you'd think he was a much bigger dog than he was, and he was a big boy. I remember the time we wanted to hear what Trixie's bark sounded like, so we got Luther to bark a couple of times. Eventually, Trixie let out a bark that actually sounded like a question. Ah Lu, so many good memories.

This holiday when I see everybody down there, it won't be the same without Luther around. I'm glad I got to see him when he was well.

This year has been a horrible year of death. I guess the animals have to feel it too.

Not Shakin' All Over

Because I'm nuts, I went to find an update on Involuntary dances, to see if Rita Marcalo had managed to induce a seizure. Well, thankfully, she didn't. But I still think she was irresponsible as hell. She was drinking wine, looking at that old hacked epilepsy forum that was made to flash in such a way as to induce a seizure, and she had strobe lights flashed right in her eyes. I was grateful to hear that there were medical folks on hand, but I still think she's a fool. Luckily she's a fool who will live to seize another day, har har. I'm a horrible human being.

A Few Years Down The Line, Will We Have More Of These?

Here's proof that we have just too much stuff up here.

Every day, I have this silly habit of going back through the archives and seeing what was written this day last year, and the year before, and the year before that...etc. Today, I came across a snippet of this post, which caught my attention.

A Pittston, Maine, man arrested after he was found peering at a teenage girl from the business end of a New Hampshire rest-stop privy has pleaded no contest to criminal trespass. Gary J. Moody was given a 30-day sentence that will be suspended if he maintains good behavior for two years. The judge cited Moody's public humiliation from the ensuing publicity in not jailing him.

Who was that? Was it this Gary Moody? I guess the public humiliation wasn't enough of a disinsentive, now was it?

But when I saw that article in September, I didn't even remember that little gem from four years ago. The archive is just huge. It's huge, huge, huge.

You Am Them, So You Am Guilty

Remember Mary Strey? The one who called herself in for driving drunk? Well, now she's pleading not guilty! Whaaat? If she was drunk and called herself in, then how could she possibly be not guilty? I don't think that's gonna work so well.

Septuagenarian Salami Smackdown!

It's always nice to see a family doing things together. Whether the task at hand is holiday shopping, preparing Christmas dinner orteaming up to beat down an old guy who won a tug of war over a shopping cart,the spirit of cooperation that the holidays seem to bring out in all of us can't help but warm even the coldest of hearts. So surely it is then that many a supermarket patron heart in the German city of Aachen was warmed on Saturday when one of those things happened, and I bet you know which one.

The trouble started outside when a 74-year-old man and a 35-year-old woman began arguing over which one of them had dibs on a cart during an apparent holiday induced buggy shortage. The man got the better of things but soon found himself on the wrong end of a fist thrown by the woman's younger brother and then on the ground as the siblings and their mother triumphantly made their way into the grocery store with the disputed food wagon.

But where many would see defeat and despair, our aged friend saw a chance to right a wrong, and off he set to find his attackers and rain vengeance upon them.

His opportunity came swiftly when he caught up with them at the cheese counter. Wasting no time and no movement, he began dishing out justice with a series of salami shots to the man who had hit him. Seeing trouble, the family matriarch rushed to his defence, bringing with her a 4 pound block of Parmesan she thought would function quite well as a dagger. But the old man would have none of this, and responded with a push that caused her to fall and hit her head on a glass countertop.

Police were called to break up the fight, which the judges give to the old man by unanimous decision.

No charges appear to have been filed over the incident yet, but perhaps being part of such a ridiculous scene is punishment enough.

Bye-bye, Harley

I have mentioned my mom's cat a few times over the course of the blog. She's the one who has a hate on for Trix. I think it's more fear than hate, but it was always displayed as a big ol' hiss. She was never a big fan of new people. When friends came over to mom's place, she'd go and hide. Even unwrapping presents was enough to make her head for a room away from the action. Silly old girl.

Well, she's a silly old girl who isn't long for the world. I just found out that she's gone down hill fast, and if she makes it to tomorrow morning, dad's going to take her to the vet and have her put down. I feel for dad, having to do this alone. He isn't an outwardly emotional guy, and he isn't a huge animal-lover, but I know this'll be hard for him.

I think old Harley was the pet we had the longest. I would have said Candy the little white fluffball of a toy poodle would have been it, but I'm pretty sure Harley has her beat. We got her the summer before I went to high school. My sister really wanted another cat. So...after a lot of thinking, mom decided it would be ok.

There was something about Harley that drew us to her. She had this line down her face that seemed to divide it in half, with different colours on each side of it, and we used to joke that she had a good half and an evil half. For a while, we were convinced she was Siamese because she had that super low meow, even as a kitten, and she was such an aloof creature. She would only really snuggle when she was tired of running around. But you knew she loved you...just from afar.

She was a really smart cat. She didn't get into the stupidity that all the other cats got into, like jumping on counters and tables and stuff. She learned that I couldn't see, so would meow if I was about to step on her. I still remember the time a blind friend came over, and she didn't think she had to meow for her too...until my poor friend stepped on Harley. After she hissed and got over it, she meowed for my friend too.

She knew enough to not go out in the winter after she tried it the first time. Even looking at the snow was enough for her to lift a paw and shake it as if to say, "Ee, I remember that stuff. No thanks, I'll stay in." She liked to stay closer to home, too, and didn't end up running off and getting hurt in fights with other cats. I think, out of all the cats, she gave mom the least trouble...

...

Except for that summer. I still giggle. She was approaching being a year old, and she'd already gone into heat. When Ro talks about Spinelli being in heat, I think of Harley because she was the same. We knew we'd have to get her spayed soon if we didn't want kittens...

...

And then she went missing for a few days. We thought she was a goner, a few of our cats had wandered off and never come back. We lived in the country, so there was all kinds of trouble they could get into...plus there were other barns with food, and maybe they'd found another home.

But just like the song says, the cat came back. We were so happy to see her, and then we started to notice she was getting fatter. Oh nooo! We were going to have a litter of kittens on our hands. My sister figured out when she would probably have them, and right in that window, she had five cute kittens.

Poor Harley. She didn't know what to do with herself all day. She kept trying to get outside. Then, when she figured out that wasn't an option, she tried to find herself a corner of my brother's closet, and started perring like a mad thing. We finally persuaded her that a better spot was in the cat carrier in the kitchen. But you had to stay right by her or she would come find you. Poor kitty.

She was really good with those kittens. She was never much of a mouser, but once she had those kittens, she'd kill anything she could. Birds, chipmunks, mmice, even a snake! She knew how to be a good mom. I still giggle when I remember how she would let them nurse and nurse and nurse, and then when she was eating, if they started muing too loud, she would growl at them to get them to shut up. If we weren't sure where she was outside and we wanted her to come back in so we could go to bed, we would just pick up one of her kittens and stand by the door. She would hear that muing and come a runnin'. As they got bigger, she would want to bring them outside. She would kill something and show them. After we started feeding them food and she felt they didn't need to nurse as much, she would just push them off. Tough love, I guess.

We got all those kittens homes at the end of the summer. That was fun, but we didn't want a repeat performance. We got her spayed that fall. She was mom and dad's only cat through the end of high school, when I went to university, through the days when Candy was getting old and not doing so well.

Things were pretty uneventful for a long time. I think the next thing poor old Harley didn't appreciate was the arrival of Trixie. I would come to visit, and she'd go into hiding. I felt sad. I hardly ever got to pet Harley because I was always with Trix, or I smelled too much like Trix, so I was bad news too.

Then, a few months ago, she went blind. But she was still doing pretty well. She would hardly bump into anything, and seemed to enjoy her same routines. She was eating, drinking, being Harley. But I started to wonder how much longer we'd have her.

A couple of weeks ago, mom said that she opened the door, and Harley tried to go outside, and she didn't stop, shake her paws and come back in. She wanted to keep going. I knew that sounded like bad news. Either she'd lost her mind, or she knew the end was near and wanted to go off and die somewhere. Either way, it didn't sound like a good thing.

Then a couple of days ago, she got really really bad. She started getting confused, falling down stairs, walking in circles and not being comforted by being held. She stopped trying to jump up on the chair and sit with mom, she didn't seem to be able to hear mom tapping the chair. Her back legs started to collapse. She was ancy all the time, and couldn't even find her food. She got so disoriented that she started climbing shelves, and then would be hanging there, not able to get back down. Mom said if she didn't watch her, she could hurt herself because of how hard she was trying to move, climb, go anywhere.

Last night, mom said her breathing got really laboured. Mom wasn't sure if she was going to make it. But she did. But it's just not a good scene.

It's going to be weird coming home and there's no cat. Harley was with mom and dad for 16 years. That's a long life for a kitty...and it's a big part of my life too. Aww Harl, I'll miss ya. But I know the Harl I knew is already gone.

Yup, I'm a sap, writing a goodbye post to a kitty. But she was our kitty!

More Echos About Echo

Well, it looks like Echo is coming around. We're even getting Mac users saying they can use it. It seems like the source of the problem is labeling of fields...I think.

One thing I thought I'd mention is sometimes, while the page is loading, it looks like all the comments have gone bye-bye. Try refreshing your screen. The JAWS's keystroke for that is insert escape. I don't know how to do it in Window Eyes, Supernova, Voiceover or all the other ones. But the function is to redraw or repaint the screen. When you do that, all the comment links show up. I don't know why, but it seems to take a second for everything to load.

I really hope we can make everyone happy, and Echo can learn a little bit about accessibility, and see that there are real reasons to try and follow all those pesky standards like WCAG and stuff.

The Creature From The Black Saloon Came Through The Mail Slot!

Remember back when I mentioned that band I've never heard of? Well, their album arrived a couple of days ago! I just figured out what it was since I wasn't sure if it was a Christmas package or this, but I have now listened to the album. These guys are hilarious.

It's funny. At first you wonder if they're trying to be funny or just being another country band. But after a while, you know they're trying to crack you up. If you're tired, some of the songs take some work to get the joke...or maybe I was just beyond the point of no return last night when I listened to it. But even if I was, I enjoyed the album and woke up with a song in my head from it.

Let's break it down song by song because that's fun.

The Golden Triangle: Meh. I dunno. I think they were trying to make fun of those old songs like "El Paso." I got bored, but that's ok. I think they were just warmin' up.

Hot Tubs of Tears: Hahahahahh! Awesome! The music is awesome, and the words crack me up. He can't eat a bite of tofu, can he?

Pflugerville: I woke up with this song in my head. I seriously stood out there picking up Trixie's poop going "I fled with my flogger from Pflugerville, Pflugerville, Pflugerville..."

The Car Hank Died In: These guys are sick, but oh well. He sounds like another guy, and I can't figure out who it is.

Swingin' From Your Crystal Chandeliers: This song makes me laugh, and reminds me of that awkward moment at my friend's wedding when her grandpa sang "Crystal Chandelier" in front of everyone. Uh, bad song choice at a wedding, dear old granddad.

Kool Whip: This is just one of those what the fuck moments. But we like those.

We Are In Control: Another what the fuck moment.

Didn't Go To College But I Could Have. I just like this song. It reminded me of this old post.

Saguaro: We have now arrived at the song that drove me to get this album...and it made it worth every penny! I love this song. I think it's just the greatest song ever. It's done in the style of those old western stories of duels and showdowns at high noon in the center of town. It's just awesome. I cannot tell you how great it is with words alone. I especially love the ending. It's beautiful.

Keeping Up With the Joneses: Ya know, like George. Great job of parodying his voice by the way. And great "Along Came Jones" reference in there. I have never heard that song, and need to, but Steve started laughing his ass off when they did that.

The War Between The States: I'm a fan of this song. It can't beat something like "Saguaro" but it cracked me up. It was done as if it was written by someone in the deep south. I love the line about "My wife ran the plantation with our happy slaves, of course."

Old and Fat and Drunk: It tried to crawl up in my head and share space with Pflugerville, but it didn't do so well. It just makes me think of those old barroom songs. I love the line "Then maybe one day, we will slowly roll away..."

Chester Woolah: What is up with this song? It reminds me of something, but I can't figure out what it is. Does someone else know it who can maybe point me in the direction of that something?

Anahuac: Does Anahuac exist? You have to tell me. My good god, Google says it does. It's some town in Texas. Well, the lizards don't seem to be big fans of the place. But I am a huge fan of this song. I almost know all the words already! There is a moment where the song meets up with "Christmas in Ignace" on the highway to holy hell. It's great fun shit, with some intentionally horrible singing in there.

So that be the album. If you like older country music with banjos, fiddles and guitars, and you like a joke or 2, go get it. You can find it on their site, www.austinlizards.com. I liked this album so much that I may have to get more of their stuff.

So Far So Good On The Echo Front

The switch to Echo has been going great so far, much better than I had expected to be honest. Thanks to everybody who has left comments to help us test it out and emailed to let us know about issues they're having. Please, keep that stuff coming, it helps. Right now we're especially looking for people using System Access (both to stay and to go), any of the Apple setups with screenreaders and Window-Eyes, but everybody's feedback is appreciated. I know this is going to take some time to adjust to for people who were used to Haloscan, but you'll figure it out. Hell, if somebody as stupid as me can do it, you should have no problem.

So far I can't say enough good things about Echo. I'm not sure what was up with the setup on their blog, but here it looks almost nothing like the access nightmare it did there. One feature I absolutely love is the ability to reply to comments directly from email. If you're subscribed to comment notifications for a post and somebody comments you dont have to go back to the site to respond, all you have to do is hit reply in your email program and start typing. The only thing that would improve it is if the email notices showed the titles of the posts being commented on. If you're subscribed to multiple posts it can't help but get hard to keep track, and that goes at least double for me as the administrator who gets every comment on every post by default.

Thanks again everybody for being patient *hint hint* and for your help as we figure things out. We'll be back soon to give you something to use Echo for other than talking about Echo. If you're lucky, part of that could be a drunken blind picture off between Carin and I. We're having a get together to watch hockey/exchange Christmas presents and have some dinner with a buddy here tonight, so there's potential for some true works of photographic art to be created...all we have to do is remember to create them. Until we meet again, remember this one thing. People who live in glass houses shouldn't, because living in a glass house is pretty dumb when you stop and think about it.

Prepare For Echo

A couple of days ago I posted aboutthe impending death of Haloscan and our hesitation about switching to Echo, Haloscan's replacement.Well, after some somewhat reassuring comments and emails, we've decided to give it a go. In a couple of moments I'm sending the payment and the changeover will begin. Because of this, things may be pretty damn weird around here for a while while we try to get things all figured out. Please stick with us, and if you notice any problems please email me. My address is near the top of the page.

Ok...here goes nothin'.

Hands Off The Guide Dog!

I got an email from Michelle in Australia who stumbled across the blog. Woohoo! She told me a story and asked me if I've had the same thing. I'd have to say no.

She asked if I've ever had someone actually physically grab and try to drag my dog a few inches away from another guide dog because the person doing the dragging thought the dogs would get too excited. Um, eek. I've had people think they should guide me by grabbing the dog's leash, or they stand all close and grab the handle as if it's what you direct the dog with, but I've never had them grab the harness handle and drag Trixie somewhere...and I hope I never do!

Was It A Sex Ed Class?

Wow. When I was in school, we did some nasty things to substitute teachers. We'd switch seats, pretend to be other students, not listen, tell her rules were different, all manner of crap. But I never remember a couple of students having some blow job fun in the back of the classroom during class. Yuck! I think that would have been enough to kill some of our substitute teachers. Somehow, the one in this classroom couldn't see the, um, action, but some other kids did, and went and told other school personnel.

I also find it funny that the sergeant investigating the case is named Porter Wood. I know, he's the liaison officer for the school, but still...

True Grits

Jesus, this is almost as crazy aspouring boiling oil on a guy because he bought the wrong chicken.

Carolyn Brown, 44, was charged with second-degree battery Wednesday after she allegedlypoured a pot of hundred degree grits onto her sleeping boyfriend following an argument.As it happens, second is also the degree of the burns the victim suffered to his face and arms as a result of the attack.

Brown is currently in custody with bail set at $40000.

this is generally where a witty remark would go, but honestly, I've got nothin'. guess I just don't have the grit and determination to come up with something right now.

There's A Charge For That?

The story of Daniel L. Shilts Jr. peeing in the back seat of a police car and on a cop is about as bad as the launching of the well-used and bloody female sanitary napkin.

He was driving drunk, obviously so, and got stopped for it. When he was arrested, he pissed in the back of the squad car and through the divider onto one of the cops in the front. Ug. I don't know how cops do it.

What I find even funnier is there is a felony charge of "expelling bodily substances at a public safety worker." Seriously? There is a charge for that? For how long? I swear they make up new ones every year. Don't get me wrong, there should be consequences for pissing on a cop, but the charges get more elaborate every day.

The Taste Is Gonna Move Ya

When I first heard the story of a chemistry student blowing his face off with exploding bubble gum, my bullshit meter went off the charts. First off, they didn't mention his name and there were a lot of details left vague. But now I have his name, Vladimir Likhonos from the town of Konotop in the Ukraine, so there's a shred of credibility. But I'm still suspicious...so if I find out I've been had, I won't be surprised.

Here's the story. Likhonos was studying like a good chemistry student should, and he decided to chew some gum. But he had this weird habit of dipping his gum in citric acid before chewing it. Dandy! The only problem was he had another chemical on his desk that looked just like citric acid, except it had the capacity to make things go boom...and that's what he accidentally dipped his gum in. He popped the gum in his mouth and well, his mouth went pop.

I'm sorry. I feel evil putting it that way, but that's what happened. He blew half his face off. That's some powerful explosive. They still don't know what it is, and they're bringing forensic investigators to it because they're afraid of transporting it.

Dude, don't have explosives and citric acid on your desk if they look the same. Please, for the love of Pete, mark the dangerous one.

Hungry Like The Statue

The spelling is off, but it's too close not to include in the aptly named criminal file.

Two men have been arrested and face several charges each in connection with the thefts of multiple wolf statues that are part of a public art display in the town of Abingdon, Virginia. They are brothersBascome and Ernie Howell.

Another One In The This Stuff Only Happens To Carin Files

Something weird happened to me that I'm amazed doesn't happen more often. I was walking down the street. I knew I was close to a store that I wanted to go into, but I didnt' feel like opening every door going "Excuse me, are you Store X?" So I did what I always do. I asked someone else going in that direction. I said "Excuse me, am I close to this store?" She said "I don't know, have no idea." Inwardly, I got a little irritated because I knew I was close and if she just looked around, she could tell me. So, I asked, "Can you just take a look around and tell me if you see it?" She said "I'm impaired too."

It was weird that she didn't seem to be using a cane and she sure didn't have a dog, but oh well. When I figured out what she meant, that she couldn't see well either, I couldn't help but chuckle. It never happens that I end up asking another blink for help completely at random. I'm amazed it doesn't happen more, but it doesn't.

I hope she got a chuckle out of it too.

Does Anybody Know About Echo?

I hoped this day would never come, but barring a small miracle, it has.

In the next 2 weeks at worst or 2 to 3 months at best, Haloscan will be no more. It isn't going out of business, the problem is that JS-Kit, the company that bought it about a year ago, has decided to turn it off in favour of Echo, the new commenting platform they've developed. If we decide to pay for Echo then all of the nearly 8000 comments that people have posted through haloscan will remain and all will be well, but the chances of that happening aren't looking good right now. My admittedly limited experience with Echo didn't exactly leave me with the warm fuzzies and I refuse to pay money for a service that me, Carin and a good number of you cannot easily use.

Unless there are settings that can be customized, the new system is far from accessible using JAWS For Windows version 10, which means there's a good chance that it won't work well with other screenreaders either. I tested it using Internet Explorer 7 and Carin tried it out with the latest version of Firefox and the results were bad in IE and even worse in firefox. Neither of us managed to leave a comment, and Carin couldn't even choose a login option.

So long story short, here's where we're at. We've got questions out to various people and places asking if anybody knows about the accessibility of Echo if we decide to pay and go that route. I've also found out that while I can export everything from Haloscan, I can't import it into Blogger's comments so while I would have it all, the site would lose every single comment we've ever had, which is a prospect about as pleasant as getting a blow job from a snaggle-toothed leech. so if any of you reading this know of a commenting service that is blind user friendly and will take all of our current comments without complaining much, please let us know. If you're an Echo person or somebody who knows things about it and how it can be made not to hate the blind, please let us know. And if you're somebody from Blogger, why aren't we able to import comments from other places? That's pretty lame.

Somebody's Been Sleeping On My Couch...And There He Is!

That does it, we're starting a wrong house tag.

Early Sunday morning, 34-year-old Christopher Paul Silga of St. Martin, Mississippi,was hit with DUI and trespassing charges after a night on the town.

His troubles began when he arrived what he thought was home from the bar. Rather than being safe and sound at his girlfriend's place, he was instead on the couch of a couple that was not expecting him. He had clearly made himself comfortable as not only was he sleeping soundly, but he was also cuddling a teddy bear. The homeowners asked him to leave, which he did, driving off in his Silverado.

Police caught up with him not long after and found him driving in the manner you would expect a guy who has just been torn away from a sleep and a hug in a house that's not his to be driving. He refused to stop for them, and before all was said and done he had ploughed through a row of mailboxes, refused to take a breath test and even used the classic I've only had 2 line, though he did admit that those 2 were big ones.

The police took him to a place where he could go back to sleep presumably without anything to cuddle, where he stayed until Sunday evening when he made bail and was released. The story ends there, so I'm assuming he spent Sunday night in the company of people who knew he was coming.

Your Police Dog Is Really A Dog

If you ever needed proof that even the best-trained dogs get distracted, here it is. Police were chasing an armed robber and had a scent-detecting dog with them. Well...he got distracted by another scent, the scent of raw meat in a homeless man's underwear, which said homeless man had just stolen from a nearby store. They lost the robber, but busted Edward Brown for having $68 worth of meat shoved down his pants.

Incidentally, I love the phrasing "The dog must have smelled a tasty dinner in his pants." Eek.

Smackum, America's Favourite Raw Weapon

Carin and I and nobody else I know for that matter have ever argued about what kind of bread to eat at dinner. It seems like one of those things that nobody could possibly get worked up about. But as it turns out, some people take this kind of thing very seriously. People like 53-year-old Florida woman Elsie Egan,For example.

She was so insistent that her boyfriend, Peter Schabhuttl, should eat sliced bread at supper rather than the roll he wanted that she felt there was no alternative but to smack the 49-year-old disabled terminal cancer patient over the head several times with a raw steak weighing somewhere between 10 and 16 ounces.

Egan, for her part, denied beating him with the meat, but did admit to authorities that she slapped him several times "so that he can learn."

wow, she sounds like a doll, or at least a stuffed cow.

Got Your Nose!

Don't fuck with two men in Tuscumbia. They'll think nothing of biting off the end of your nose.

William Cole thought he'd quick break into a house and steal something, anything, I guess. He just waltzed in the door, past the two dudes who were inside, as if he owned the place. That's a lot of balls. He grabbed one of their coats and started to make for the door. Dude no. 1 didn't like that so much and confronted him. Dude no. 2 woke up, and held a knife to Cole's crotch. Well, I guess I said he had big balls, so maybe his crotch was easy to aim for. Then the other dude bit off the end of his nose! Cole got away when one of them went to get a shotgun. The chunk of his nose remained at the scene when cops came to retrieve it as evidence. Then Cole, minus a chunk of his nose, turned himself in...but he denies breaking into the house and he says he was only turning himself in because of prior warrants. Uh-huh. Right.

These dudes don't mess around! I mean, the guy broke in, so he deserves to get attacked, but...holding a knife to his crotch? Biting off his nose? Wow! I don't know. If I was awakened out of a dead sleep, I don't think the first thing I'd think would be "Get a knife and hold it to his balls! Now let's have a nice nose for breakfast!"

Stop Grabbing My Ass Or I'll Pop A Cap In Yours!

Jennifer K. Luick and Gregg T. Peters shouldn't have died for this, but did they really think grabbing the asses of strangers at a bar was a good idea? Especially since Luick was a cop? Really, did she think that was smart? And she sure picked the wrong ass to pinch, she got a gangster. He said some not so nice words, she told Peters what they were, so they took it outside, and...bang! Bang! Peters and Luick won't live to pinch another ass.

Like I said, they shouldn't have died for this, but I really don't have heaps of sympathy. Keep your hands off other people. It's that simple. And a cop of all people should know that unwanted ass-grabbing isn't cool.

But Andrew Wirth looks like quite the piece of work. I mean, look at this court footage. Yeesh!

He Won't Be Smiling For A While

Here we go again. Another parent who leaves his kid in his car while he goes into a strip club. But this parent is a dentist, you know how much we like tracking weird dentists, and the kid was an eight-month-old baby! Omar Abdo may find out he's a divorced dentist, only seeing his baby on supervised visits, judging from his wife's reaction.

They'll See Right Through Your Thin Disguise Alright

Next time you want to rob a place, don't do what Michael Clough did. If you are using a veil as a disguise, make sure it's not see-through, and don't live really close to the place you robbed. It would also be good if you're not well-known to police, so when they see through your veil on the surveillance tape, they don't immediately go "That's Michael Clough, and we know where he lives."

It's All Fun and Games Until Someone Loses At Trial

What kind of weird mom would drive her son and his friend around so they could vandalize stuff? I wonder if it's the same kind of mom who would team up with her son to rob someone. This one's especially nutty because when she was arrested, she was wearing a shirt that said "It's all fun and games until the cops show up." I'm sure that didn't help her case.

It's too late to save Joanne Nelson's son from his mom's influence, he's already 19. Hopefully this little trip to jail will be enough to change the course of his life. Somehow I doubt it, though.

Explosive Stupidity

Here are a couple of examples of folks who should be no longer with us, but they're unbelievably lucky, so they're just fine.

A man in Cape Cod found a 2-foot long tube in the sand. It said "Do not handle" and "property of US Navy" on it. So what did he do? he put a rope on it and dragged it home. Then he called the coastguard and said "hmmm I found this tube thing on the beach. What do ya suppose it is?" After I'm sure they finished shitting themselves, they sent the fire department who promptly took it away and blew it up. What souvenir had this guy brought home? A navy training flare full of phosphorous which can ignite on exposure to air.

Next we have a man in Australia who drove over a detonator 3 times in his car to see what would happen. Thankfully, nothing did, but it could have.

And sadly, these are the people who probably won't learn a lesson from this and stop being fools. Na, they'll just keep doing what they did before, and when their actions finally have consequences, the consequences will be paid by some poor innocent sucker nearby who is killed or injured, not by the guys who deserve them.

I'd Tell Her She Should Have Known Better, But That Would Just Be Rubbing It In

I wonder if this Denton woman who let a random dude into her house because he was offering a massage would have let herself be tattooed by that guy in Kansas City.

This woman has to be a special kind of dumb. He knocked at her door and said that he was doing field hours for a massage therapy school, and offered her a massage. He was described as wearing flip-flops, a t-shirt, and cargo shorts, but she thought he looked official enough. Lady, where do you get your massages done? He didn't have a table or his own lotion, and he was knocking at her fucking door in flip-flops, cargo shorts and a t-shirt and he looked official enough? For the rest of the world, massage therapy students don't get field hours by offering their services at random people's homes! They set up somewhere and get their hours that way.

Then as soon as he came in, he was asking to do the massage on her bed. She said no, and told him to do it on the couch. Then he kept asking her to take off more clothes, inquired about her chest size, then wondered if she wanted an "ass massage". Only then did she get a wee bit suspicious. What took ya so long?

After she said she wasn't down with this and asked him to leave, he gave her a lingering hug and asked her out on a date. Eeewww! She called police, being happy that things didn't get even worse. And that was only because she's lucky as hell.

Lady, you didn't happen to send some money to an unfortunate widow in Nigeria, did ya? And if someone comes to your door offering a free breast exam, don't let him in either. At least that guy had a doctor's bag with him, so maybe he had a shred of credibility. Not much, but more than a dude with no massage table or lotion who said he was a student at a massage therapy school.

Who's The Boss

Daniel Boss' wife: I wish to argue with you. I shall yell at you at this time.
Daniel Boss: I do not wish to argue, but since you insist, I shall respond by calling you names.
Daniel Boss' wife: The names with which you are addressing me are not pleasing to my ear, so I feel it is my duty to yell at you at a louder volume.
Daniel Boss: You know, as we sit here engaged in this discourse of discord, it occurs to me that what may be best for both of us is a divorce.
Daniel Boss' wife: Surely you jest!
Daniel Boss: I can assure you that I most certainly do not.
Daniel Boss' wife: Well I never! As a result of you so much as having the temerity to suggest such a thing, I must do what is good and honourable and pour the contents of this soft drink can over the hamburger you are attempting to enjoy.
Daniel Boss: Two can play at this game, woman, and you must be punished for your transgression. Allow me to pick up what remains of the very hamburger you so callously defiled and commence rubbing it vigorously into your facial area.
Daniel Boss' wife: Hello...police?
Police: Mr. Boss,you are under arrest for misdemeanor domestic battery.

The Knife Was Sharp, He Wasn't.

Um, ow. Rance Johnson found out that it's not a good idea to smuggle a 5-inch plastic knife in his rectum. What's even weirder is he'd had it there for 3 weeks before complaining of pain and having it surgically removed.

He is now being charged with having a concealed weapon. It was sure concealed alright.