i've never felt as useless as i am now...
i suck
in every sense...
grades, life, everything...
i see no future in me...
and all i have is 60 days to mend what's broken
i have little hope
i have little power
and my will is diminishing...
no one can help me but myself
yet i'm too afraid of trying
afraid that even after i tried, i'll still fail...
failures are my best bud now...
success has long left me
broken... wounded... lost... confused...
talkd to my parents...
they're super disappointed...
lucky me that only 2 papers are out... D,E...
way below expectation for a scholar...
i think i'm e worst performing scholar (out of 100 of us?)
and the other 3 papers, i'm quite confident of getting Fs...
of course i didnt tell my parents...
they're shocked enough to hear D,E...
during dinner i dunno why i mentioned university...
i dunno what course i wanna take...
and e worst thing is that registration for overseas university is alr opened...
i dunno where to go...
i've lost confidence in life...
i've lost motivation...
i've no goal...
i dunno where to go, what to do....
it was all different last time...
i remember that i had dreams...
i workd v hard towards it...
once i wanted to be a computer scientist...
i bought super thick book on programming, and
learnt it all by myself...
once i wanted to be a professional chess player...
i bought books, played almost everyother time
joined competition, won some, lost some...
once i wanted to be an engineer...
i studied physics so hard...
i topped class few times...
once i wanted to be a businessman...
i went to seminars, bought book,
build networks with bankers, enterpreneurs, bosses, government officials, organizations representatives...
i was even ready to leave school to start a business
once i wanted to be a teacher...
i gave tuitions to sec students..
joined a tuition centre and teach primary kids...
once i wanted to be a social worker...
i do cips not for the hours, joined interact club, signed up w voluntary organizations...
and the list goes on...
that was my past...
i'm lost now...
i cant see no light...
i'm... scared...
i dun wanna be juz another person in this world...
i wanna be the difference...
i wan ppl to look up at me...
i wanna have something to be proud of...
i used to have...
i've lost them all now...
i'm worse than a normal person now...
i've nothing...
i've nothing...
argh...
anyway...
tom's e name...
my chihuahua :)
it's bigger now... (4mth?)
it can sit, run, stand still, and SHAKE HAND!!!
haha...
my sisters do the teaching...
i'll do the playing :)
it's soooo cuteeeeee
haha...
man...
question to ponder... if i'm gone tmr... will you miss me?i'm no one... i come n go... people forget me... i hate this kinda life...i wanna mean something to someone...