I think crying is my last resort of releasing stress. When talking to people doesn't work, when they don't understand you, my body will just suddenly gather fluids from the internal and release flow and flow of tears.

And then after that I just suddenly feel much better.

I just needed my dar love and concern. Is that too hard?

Suddenly felt my mood today weird weird. I get very agitated today. Then I can get very lazy to explain things. I am just tired of explaining over and over again. And now I am afraid of the new week that is coming. I donno what to do. There are many things I don like but need to face and I felt very stressed.

I donno what to say to My student's dad that I am not teaching him anymore. Today his dad called to ask me to come for tuition today. Luckily if not for my dar, I would agree lo. But if I agree le, I will regret. The payment was the last lesson last week and if I continue on to revise him for tuition, that would mean another 2 more lessons. Then it will be very hard for me to ask for payments. So I had no choice but to tell him coming mon and tues full slot. So seriously, I donno what reason to say I am not teaching him. I dont want a repeat of last June incident.

My new student, which is the brother of my current student, is a high achiever. I am seriously having no confidence to handle him. He behave like one 小大人, like everything he very pro.

Seriously nobody understand my worries. They will only say,"Aiya, you worry too much la!" I know I know, but when things are nagging me for more than 2 weeks, I get frustrated. Like things are never solved.

I have been feeling very bad. I actually forget Pushpa's and siyan's birthday. Last time when I was in secondary school, I wasn't like that. I will make a point to record down everyone's birthday and wish them happy birthday or get them presents. Probably over the years, I think nobody seems to appreciate this small action of mine and nobody remember my birthday anyway. So I grew to learn not to bother anymore. When I came to SIM, I was very touched when my clique first bought me birthday presents, especially Pushpa and Siyan. Even in our third year, they still remember my birthday and bought me presents which is really thoughtful and sweet. But I didn't really treasure that much as I thought they could have hidden agenda/motive. But then, through this ROM preparation, I realized which friends I should really treasure. I will never forget how they contribute and help me in one way or another. For friends like S.... Help her so much yet she.... Haiz.. Forget it. I seriously dont know what's on her mind anymore. I don't seem to understand anymore!! Actually this has been bugging me for very long. Since the day of gown selection, I know which friends are true to me and whom I can entrust with.


You know blog, when I initially thought of my friends whom I can entrust to help me with, I can't think of anyone. This is so sad. And now, I have a chance to make new friends and yet my dar didn't understand how I feel.... This is even sadder...... I really feel that friends whom I once close with are drifting away from me due to busy schedules. I need a life, a social life, at least I need friends whom I can entrust with.

Hence, I seriously today am very grateful to Siyan for taking her time out of her busy schedule to help me. Even though she cant read this, I seriously can't thank her enough. I need to treasure this friendship. I think my only true friends now are just 3-4? And my ROM day, I need more than that number....

Why can't just my Dardar understand? Why can't you think before you speak? Why can't you learn to understand and feel my intentions? I am really tired of reminding again and again and again. If you really want to remember, you will remember...... It's just a matter of whether you want or not.....