Last Friday the wind was so strong (Melbourne has crazy winds) that everyone couldn't walk straight. I was trying very hard not to get blown away and out of my path when I came across a frail old woman in her 80s (it seems) clinging to (actually more like hugging, with whatever strength there was in her) a big tree with a walking stick. Imagine that sight.

I had already passed by her, merely thinking she looked kinda pathetic... but then a few seconds later I stopped to ask if she was alright.

4 more days to submitting the 2500 word essay on Roosevelt. It's at times like these when I wish America did not go through the Great Depression and FDR was never elected President. Maybe, it would even be better off if he wasn't re-elected twice. ARGH. History.


Deep within I'm shaken by the violence
Of existing for only you.

Sarah Mclachlan - Do What You Have To Do

Things are looking better these days. In fact, a few hours after I posted my last entry, that supposed "hatred" went away. I guess blogging did relieve a bit of that sadness. Of course, there were also many concerned souls who left me notes and emails over these 2 days and really, I was touched by all the unexpected icq messages and e-hugs. My Thank-Yous go out to Gerry, Perrin, Keiji, ZS, Piggy, Qi, MM and P... for understanding how I felt and giving me that bit of encouragement. Life isn't bad at all, really. With friends like you guys.

Yay my comment thingy (I dunno what it's formally called) is up and working again, thanks to Blob *Hhhhhh*!!!! (Surprised look) He awes me sometimes :p And by the way, I forgot to mention that a few weeks ago he supposedly "lost" his copy of the house key, including the security key which enables us to gain access into our building. He insisted that the key was somewhere at home so he did a full house search for it. No key in sight. He was starting to become really puzzled about his key's whereabouts but eventually gave in due to... errm... fatigue. So we decided that we couldn't carry on sharing one key, and made plans to go duplicate another the next day.

So we got just the apartment key duplicated. As you know, the security key is special so it cannot be duplicated. So how?? Blob told me to give him the contact number of our owner so he could get another one, perhaps. And there I go, reprimanding him for being so careless and all... we've moved in for barely 2 weeks and we have lost his security key yadda yadda yadda...

The next morning when I was about to leave home for school, I reached into the side pocket of my bag and... guess what I felt?? The whole bunch of Blob's keys. Arrgghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So all along they were with ME????? I refused to believe it!!! But yes it's true - I was indeed holding his set of keys together with mine, ie: I have been holding on to 2 sets of keys for 4 days????!!!!! While poor he was surviving on a pathetic duplicated apartment key. Craaaaaap.

I pondered for awhile if I should tell the truth. In the end, I decided that I won't :p So what I did was slide his keys under our shoe cupboard and, that evening when I came home, I pretended to look underneath and exclaim, "Hey!! Your keys are under the cupboard!!" No prizes for what happened next. I am such a bloody good actress :p I'm so sly I can't believe myself.

Read Gerry's blog about her watching "Happy Together" (Chun Guang Zha Xie) again. (So... it's your second time huh?) I liked that movie. It almost drove me to sleep but that's Wong Kar Wai for you. P/S to Gerry: Yeah I know, the opening scene was just.... Oh and did you watch "In the Mood For Love"?? :>

Spent close to five hours in the Uni Library today, looking for books to write my American History essay due 29th. I feel so accomplished but empty at the same time. I don't know... I'm just suspicious about how much those books can help me... Hey Gerry, read your post about you reading about American Civil War.... ewww... it's actually one of the topics for my subject as well... heh.


Everybody hurts.

R.E.M. - Everybody Hurts

15th of September, and feeling absolutely miserable.

People who know me know that I am someone who is always happy, but since yesterday, my mood hit an all-time low. I felt like it was one of the lowest points in my entire 20 years. Broke down three times yesterday, and was struggling not to cry on the tram to school as well as back home. The worst thing was, I had to put on a brave front and act normal while I was in school today (I keep to my "philosophy" that I shouldn't let personal matters affect schoolwork. Maybe, I learnt that from Mom). After Piggy left at Flinders, I started brooding about things again and felt tears welling up in my eyes, but I forced myself to be strong... because crying is not going to change anything.

I shouldn't be feeling like this at all, really. Life's good here and I know that I should appreciate all that is happening to me now. But today I just had it. Things weren't going the way I wanted them to. Last night I requested Gin to keep me in her prayers, although I must admit I don't really believe in that anymore... and true enough it didn't work again, apparently.

I feel a sense of intense hatred for two people whom I haven't even met, which I know is totally unjustified, and to a certain extent, weird. I have no right to hate them for what they did. Everyone has reasons for doing things and right now I am just trying to come to terms with theirs. But when things don't work out for you because of their supposed reasons, you tend to resent them for that. Which is exactly how I am feeling now.

The above are just 3 little paragraphs to let it all out, because I am sick and tired of acting normal in front of others and keeping everything inside. Don't worry about me because I will be fine, I really will. And can you do me a favour?

Don't ask.


And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?

Al Green - How Can You Mend A Broken Heart?

You tell me.

Great. Two nights ago I decided to change my blog template and now the commenting thing is GONE. With all the previous notes that people left me over the past few weeks. Silly me. I thought the thing would be "carried forward" but NO, it wasn't, I realised. And, the person who helped me put up the comment thing is now faraway in Taiwan. Sob. Jo, if only you knew what's going on down here... heh. Shall wait for you to come back and help me. But... but... but that's like one whole week later! >.<

I have a date with spring.

I went to watch "I Have A Date With Spring" (Wo He Chun Tian You Ge Yue Hui aka Moulin Rouge with an oriental twist) by my uni's Chinese Cultural Society last night. For those of you who don't know yet, I was supposed to have a little part in that play, but because I felt it was a waste of time and a sharp blow to my ego (I only had 2 lines in it), I quit from the role, as well as the whole production, in July. Not that I want to repeat the whole story again... but I'm just very blah about the fact that they auditioned me, put me through and gave me the role of a insignificant reporter with just 2 lines. Like, HELLO??? Why bother getting people to audition for a role with 2 lines?! Isn't auditioning supposedly for big meaty roles? I admit that it's kinda like sour grapes but then again, for a role so small as mine, I had to turn up for practically every rehearsal, recite those 2 lines and get the hell out of there. Definitely not something I was looking forward to. Really, if it was all because of looks and height (I know I can never look like a nightclub singer no matter how much make-up there is on my face... and even if I wear stilts... sob), I'd rather they don't put me through. With 2 lines.

I've never watched previous renditions of the play prior to last night. I've heard of the play obviously, and I know that Sharon Au and Constance Song were the lead actresses of the 2 Singapore versions. Apart from knowing that it is set in the 1960s and involved 4 nightclub singers, there was nothing more I knew. Last night's play opened my eyes to a lot of things - Songs, people, dressing, and lifestyle of the 60s. I loved it.

Shall continue later. Gotta clean the house ;p


You must remember this
A kiss is still a kiss
A sigh is just a sigh.

Ella Fitzgerald - As Time Goes By.

I'm bored. So I'm gonna put up some pictures for you guys. Of myself, obviously.



I know, I know, some of you have seen this pic before. Why? Cos I look bad in my other pictures :p
Piggy says I look very trigger happy.



ZS, myself and Porridge_Zou. A long time ago at Far East, sometime last year. Talking about photos, I realise I haven't had one like this taken for more than half a year. Boo.

PS: I wanted to put up the pics taken at the airport (last year when I first left for Melbourne) as well as one with Piggy and mm but they are in BMP format and the geocities site which holds my pics don't support BMP. Great.

I don't know if the novel "The Bride Stripped Bare" by N.J. Gemmell is sold in Singapore (banned perhaps?). I bought it yesterday together with Piggy and we're both kinda glued to it :p I read about 20 pages on the tram on my way home today (yeah I'm slow) and boy, some parts are just... woo. Not for the purely innocent or weak-hearted. Ha ha. I'll end with a short line from the book.


.... It's muscular and balming and silky and the memory's as potent as a first kiss.

"The Bride Stripped Bare" - N.J. Gemmell

You are Love.

You love life, you love all those around you and
the world that you live in. You are happiest
when you are doing something for someone else
or for the common good of mankind.


What Emotion Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Correct me if you think I am wrong.


Happy-Go-Lucky.


*What Kind Of Person Are You?*
brought to you by Quizilla

FINE.







What Type of Villain are You?

mutedfaith.com.



You're the loving smile,the one that is entirely
devoted to others,especially that one
person.You really can't get them out of your
head,but then,you don't really want to.


What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Going home.

The two-week September vacation is approaching and well, I do admit a huge part of me wants to go back home, together with mm and Gin. I want to watch "Turn Left Turn Right". I want to celebrate Z's birthday. But I've got shitty work to do (the 2500 word essay on FDR, 2000 word on French Revolution, 2000 word on New Right Criminology and 2000 word on tourism and migration!!!) and... Tony Bennett & KD Lang on 1st October. And above everything else, I don't want to spend my dad's money on the ticket for silly 2-week vacations anymore. Which means I cannot go back. And even if I brought those shitty work back home to do, chances are I won't be able to concentrate on them anyway. So... Sob.

The more I think about September 10, the more upset I get because... the film "Turn Left Turn Right" is not going to and will never be screened here. Everyone in Singapore is anticipating the screening. Everyone in Singapore is waiting to catch Takeshi Kaneshiro. Everyone in Singapore loved the book, especially... me. IT. JUST. ISN'T. FAIR. You people in Singapore don't know how lucky you are. (Sob. Does anyone out there know how I feel? Porridge_Zou in particular?)

I shall stop thinking about it. I must. But why? Why am I the one who has to miss it?! Okay okay, there's the VCD and possibly the DVD but still. Watching it in cinema (during its feature period) has a different effect, you know. BOOOOOOO.


I'm never gonna dance again
Guilty feet have got no rhythm.

George Michael - Careless Whisper

Just for the record: Blob has finished seven eggs (and still counting) in 4 days. If you ask me, that's way far from going on a diet. "Remember to eat more boiled veggies ah!" his mom reminded him for the twelfth time before she left. Yeah yeah, he'll listen to you :p

It's nice to know that Jo has been blogging from Taiwan and is doing fine. I mean, c'mon man, you are there to do admin work right? :p On the other hand, I haven't really been hearing much from HJ. Perhaps he is too busy chiong sua-ing, as I always like to call it. Hope all is fine and good.

Z is going for his recourse (horror of horrors, don't you all just hate Tekong?!?) from October 16 to December 9. (Sobs X 732995 and BooHoos X 364538639). It's probably the bluest three months of a Singaporean man's life - BMT. No hair, no freedom, no outdoor communication, no family, no life. Above everything else, not that the food in there makes life any better. I once heard from a friend that a guy in BMT is no better off than a puny ant crawling on the ground. Shrug.

It's just the 2nd day of school for Blob and he has already lost my calculator. I so feel like strangling the life out of him. I shouldn't have said yes when he asked me for it!!!!!!! My faithful little calculator, whom (I like to personalise my belongings) has been with me since I was in sec 4... whom has been my loyal companion for the various Science, Econs and Math tests throughout my Sec 4 and JC years... not forgetting the major Os and As... is now forever and eternally separated from its everdearest owner... for life. Anyway I made him buy a brand new one for me. But nothing can replace my old calculator, really. The new one just replaced its functions, but not its position in my heart. Aint I sentimental.


What a difference a day makes
And the difference is you.

Laura Fygi - What a Difference A Day Makes.