Tuesday, January 15, 2008
understanding me: EQ, IQ moment
When I was a boy I had tantrums, Ive always tried to hold myself in hurting someone and it caused me to cry and do a bit of a growling. I've struggled to control my temper growing up; I easily lose temper when I get teased and such. Because of that, people around me were aloof, weren’t comfortable socializing with me.
In a sense I had low Emotional Intelligence Quotient (EQ), describes an ability, capacity, or skill to perceive, assess, and manage the emotions of one's self, of others, and of groups. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_intelligence) Although, growing up I was given free reign to creativity however, living in Saudi at that time restricts you.
As for academics, we weren't really pressured to study I mean, my mom was working at the same time managing the household and as for my father... well, he had his hobbies and the few times he spent with us made me uncomfortable. It just felt like whenever I talk to him I’ll get told what to do and I did something wrong and I'll get spanked for it.
I began to really think and tried to understand myself when I came back here. There was freedom when we came back here –to a degree of course. Anyhow, I knew I had problems with my temper growing up and I got spanked whilst my father kept on saying "think about if you do this, think of the results".
The last time I remember I got beaten badly and probably was the last time was when I insulted an arab while my parents were there. I embarrassed them so bad and they were afraid of what could have been the consequence of my action if the arab wasn’t civil. I promised to learn to control my feelings then and it wasn’t easy.
It took me years to finally remove that brand of being "hot headed". There was also a time when I pushed myself to be liked and come along with my older brother’s friends and then, I realized why should I come when I’m even not welcome?
I was a bit ignorant and my vocabulary in tagalong was mediocre when I came here during my 2nd year in high school. I used a lot of taglish then. I was pushed into an environment where people didn’t know of history and the people lacked empathy towards me, it was only through my older brother cutting strings being the reason why I didn’t get beat up (unbeknownst to him I found out years later).
I knew I was ignorant and I promised myself year after year that I would learn and improve, become a better person to get along and etc. it also during this early time where I promised myself a future where the environment would be different and true enough I got into a reputable college yet, I was still far from who I am now.
As the years progressed I studied and changed. I learned how to communicate with people, expressed myself in a way people could follow –playing dungeons and dragons really helped as well as magic the gathering. Playing those games taught me how to interact with people, the pros and cons of interacting with people and learning to trust who, back stabbing, building a reputation, people taking advantage, thieves –basically a bit of a taste of the real world. Something I wasn’t fortunate to experience growing up in a sheltered environment.
Of course I was in my teens and I was trying to figure out who I was, I got sidetracked from time to time, immersed myself in courtships, getting dumped thousand times and over, playing LAN games, drinking, partying and getting laid.
I learned how to harness my temper, how to talk to people, interact and broaden a network of acquaintances and friends. I learned how to write wherein I dreamed of being able to write something at this degree when I started college. I learned how to court and flirt, to say enough about technicality and what not, I became a romantic for striving to become a better person, for being understanding to others because I felt I wasn't given enough of that growing up.
I read because it’s one of the things I enjoy and I lacked the courage growing up for wanting to learn more, I read books that foretell fantasy and adventure, of science fiction to myths, to biographies and self-improvement.
I made resolutions that I kept.
I'm far from the boy that I once was, a boy who acted on impulse and yet remained a degree of self control so that he wouldn't ruin his future. I've been on that line under pressure and I have remained on the same side although, lacked a bit composure than I wish I would have yet still, I'm far from the boy who cried in wishing of beating the day lights out of someone I had an argument with.
For years, I've been developing my EQ because I knew I lacked a great deal in this area. And at the same time I’ve been in a quest of raising my IQ as well.
I've had several tests over the years and the results were consistent that I use the left and right hemispheres of my brain equally. To think about it, I try to do all things in my life in balance which the same goes to developing my EQ and IQ.
One of the reasons why my academic records are as such in college was because I was trying to find balance, giving time in learning as well as interacting socially, broadening my network, meeting my responsibilities.
I used to say academic excellence was never a priority however; the truth was I was interested in a lot of things and I prioritized on weaknesses that might have hindered my progress in graduating.
I honestly, do not see myself as smart however, I try to be the best I can both in IQ and EQ, I may have my limits but, that won’t stop my drive to become better, it won't hinder me from walking my path of perceived enlightenment.
Labels: understanding me
posted by vinz @ 11:54 PM
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Monday, January 14, 2008
general cleaning
This is page 500 in my journal by the way.
I did a general clean of my room today. Our cleaning lady can only do so much to clean my room and when I clean my room; I mean my room is clean! I even removed the dust inside my pc *hehehe*
My brother bought this heavy duty blower and I used it to remove the dust inside my pc and used it on the sides of my window and wall fan. I'm really happy my room is super clean *lol*
When I was in Saudi my mom and I used to do a general clean every 2-3months of our apartment. My mom is the nazi in cleaning which I must say my younger brother inherited. I -to be honest, am merely a shadow of how my mom is with cleaning although, she has instilled a benchmark among us siblings of how a home should be.
Tomorrow morning I promise to exercise for 30minutes. I've been sticking by my schedule on exercising for a week now so, I'm happy about that. Walked a lot today too when I had to do an errand in Megamall.
I'm craving for Ube hopia!!!! I couldn’t find any in Megamall grrr...
I promise that I will start learning and editing a new template layout in CSS code tomorrow and apply some more jobs *ngarag*
It's 10 past 8 and I'm moving files on my other hard drive. As it turns out I will reformat my hard drive again BUT I will use the other one since, using the other won't work anymore. I've also deleted a few contacts in my ym address book since I never converse with them anyhow or for some other reasons *hehe*
I didn't download all of the updates of win xp so I can use an Mp3 Program. I only have the crack version and despite that there's a version 20 out there I still go for the version 7.2 and I’m still using an old skin. There some things that I will remain loyal to *hehehe*
I think what I've been doing today is my own version of spring cleaning? Or starting something a new for the New Year?
Although, I'm due for a hair cut already *smiles* I'll prolly get one on Wednesday.
I found my shades! In a bag underneath my bed when I was cleaning, I thought I lost it somewhere *haha*
That's it for now. :p
Labels: update
posted by vinz @ 8:14 PM
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Saturday, January 12, 2008
The December Wedding and the reception in Hyatt
Oh yeah this is a long overdue entry on my part.
Last December I attended my first cousin's wedding, they got wed in the church near Mall of Asia.
*a few minutes after browsing* -okay... the name of that church is The Shrine of Jesus, The Way, The Truth and The Life.
It was the second wedding I have attended and it was disappointing that we were a bit late and didn’t get to see the bride march down the aisle
*may hanky pa naman akong dala* anyhow, I was wearing a suit since my mom forced me to (she called at noon) since my brother didn't have a
Barong which I didn't mind. I didn't get to take that much photos since well, I really should start practicing taking photos a lot. *hehe*
I remember the night being clear of clouds and there were fireworks. It truly was a great evening to get wed. I can still recall that moment where I stopped by the stairs of the church and watched a few explosions of red, blue and gold and wished...
It was also my first time to witness a wedding where they went all out on the photography and videography. (gah I don't know what you call them *lol*) Moving on, later on that night in the reception they showed a video presentation of what happened earlier, they edited it fast and the outcome was professionally done.
On the way to the reception since, the bride is working in Hyatt they got a huge discount on the rent but still, even with the discount they must have spent a fortune for this wedding. A lot of A list guests were there not to mention the number of uncles and aunts (11 siblings) from our side and then the in-laws' too. So the room was filled with family and friends and the food wasn't that bad either. Although I had to avoid the pasta and other dairy products *sobs*
The only problem we had was my brother picking the route to the Hotel which was uber traffic and the valet was terrible because of the bumper to bumper traffic.
The food was great and the photo presentations, speeches were pretty good. I loved the bride's father's speech. He was charismatic, witty and funny. Seeing the look in his eyes on his child all grown up and how his eyes lit up when he talked about his wife made me envious and happy at the same time. I wonder if I get to grow old and share something like that.
We got home close to 2am I reckon. Too bad the honeymoon wouldn't last a week since the bride couldn't get a vacation leave and anyhow, two days in Thailand isn't so bad and they can always pick it up during the summer. I mean, my cousin doesn't really have any problems in regards to leaves since he works and will be inheriting their family business.
All in all, it was a dream wedding for a dream couple since, this was their first relationship and I'm not really sure how long they've been in together however, I can surmise that it's been at least half a decade and seeing them interact with each other on past gatherings made me appreciate what they have. The bride has a warm heart, always smiling and I could tell she's funny and confident. Whereas my cousin has always been shy, humble and a total goof-ball i.e. is funny even when he tries not to be.
The best part on that evening: When they were feeding each other with a slice of the wedding cake. That was the best moment in that evening. The look in their eyes, the love in the atmosphere and how my cousin couldn't stop eating the cake! After a bite I saw the look in his eyes saying "Man this is delicious" and he just couldn't stop eating -he even turned around and continued to eat while the bride was making a speech and when he turned around he had cake icing on the side of his mouth it was adorable (did I just say adorable? *euw* *lol*). That was hella-funny and I loved that moment -best part was it was all on video!
(youtube natin pls!)
Well there it is; my recap on that December wedding on the 14th on 2007.
Labels: love, wedding
posted by vinz @ 8:01 PM
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Friday, January 11, 2008
a lazy friday
I said no to the contract that was offered because I am adamant in getting a job that's 5 days a week and not in shifting schedule unless its day shift –scratch that. I'm getting good at interviews both one on one and panel and it makes me wonder has working abroad done any relevance to my career except for the high paying salary?
One of the reasons why I left there is that I won't be trapped, being back home gives me opportunity to grow and develop. I promise that I will do a couple of walk-in applications on Monday.
Yesterday I had another panel interview by 4 people with various high positions in the company. They asked a lot of questions that lasted for more than a couple of hours. I honestly don't know if I will get the job because they made me realize how much laid back despite the tasks I was handling in my previous work.
On another note, my shoe cracked. I need a new pair of black leather shoes. I'm looking at the hush puppies shoe that I saw a few months back that was waterproof. Perfect when the rainy season comes.
It looks like I won't be able to have a taste of the beach this coming summer unless I get a job really soon and take a couple of vacation leaves without pay. I don't mind taking vacation leave without pay by the way –I mean you're only young once and might as well take in the experience as much as you can.
I'm turning 26 soon, what's up with that? :p
Labels: update
posted by vinz @ 4:18 PM
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Monday, January 07, 2008
memories
Recently I've been looking at past entries I wrote a few years ago on the certain dates I’m currently writing –like yesterday.
Tonight however, I chanced upon an entry I wrote just a few months after I graduated.
(see link) It's a bit weird reading up on something I wrote and that after more than three years I kept my promise even if I forgot about this conversation.
It's also awkward reading about thoughts and feelings I wrote about with the women who came into my life and funny how the situation is reversed –that is privacy with a current relationship.
I guess, I've grown a bit over the years however, that isn’t to say that I still write my feelings for that special person in my life.
After two years what has happened? I did get a dream job I wanted when I was in college but I resigned and trying to pave my way here at home for my own personal reasons. I still talk and update Bev from time to time.
I do miss my conversations with her and funny enough, we still share common new traits despite the years we haven't seen each other. I always thought I'd be attending her wedding though.
She's happily married now.
I have a feeling that I might be seeing her soon enough too.
Labels: close friends
posted by vinz @ 8:03 PM
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a bit anxious
I finally got a job from one of the top call center companies in the country. If I were to start working in the Call Center industry might as well start from the best? But then again, being in that room, reading the contract something felt wrong.
Do I really want to work at a shifting schedule for a whole year?
I knew opportunity hasn't presented itself yet -I mean, the right work opportunity for me.
I have just concentrated fully in getting a job and not even a week has passed I got a job offer and to be honest, the multiple exams and interviews along with the panel interview didn't faze me.
What do I really want? Working only at weekdays is a start so that I'll have a sense of order in my life. I want to work like normal people do and maybe have an opportunity to go up the corporate ladder -again.
Instinct is telling me not to take this job. There will be something out there if I have a bit more patience and yet, I can't stop being anxious about it or maybe that, I'm being my impatient self again.
Although, pet projects and assignments are due to tomorrow, I will be reading up on them and well, I did promise myself a week ago that I'd relax a bit tomorrow, watch a few movies and try not to think too much.
I just can't dodge that feeling I had, the same feeling I had before graduating and after graduation. Knowing that I'll be leaving a phase in my life and taking the next step, getting a job in a country when people have said it’s impossible since I didn't have a work visa.
I defied the norms with humility, that's one thing I'm confident in knowing. -that when I achieved these bits of miracles I was humble.
I can even say the same situation happened with Her -that despite everything; the scenes, the turn-downs, the silent treatments, the current situations then, she and I ended up being together.
Patience, persistence, belief and instincts play a major influence on some matters in my life.
Labels: understanding me, work
posted by vinz @ 7:29 PM
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Saturday, January 05, 2008
crafts and hobbies
artist
n : a person whose creative work shows sensitivity and
imagination
http://dictionary.die.net/artist
Since I’ve stopped playing that online game *thank gawd* I’ve been thinking about my crafts/hobbies lately which are: writing, painting/sketching, Photoshop art, poetry, photography, and web design.
I’m glad that I’ve finally got it out of my system because it felt like everything else was taking a back seat.
But first! I need to reformat my pc tomorrow morning... again. Something to do with windows xp’s update that I can’t use a mp3 player (prolly because I’m using a crack version *lol*).
I do have an exam on Monday in Ortigas and it’s in line with my work experience. They said I need to bring a calculator *gasps* I pray I get the job... for the umpteenth time *lol*
I’m in one of my creative modes again; I’ll indulge myself more on it tomorrow.
Out of curiosity I checked if I wrote any entries on this date and as it turned out I did write on 2005 and 2006.
Labels: crafts
posted by vinz @ 11:34 PM
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