Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Evening Epiphany
I remember nights much like this, lying in bed, tired and thinking. Entering a state of in which thoughts flow and the need for parchment arises however, tonight unlike any other, I did not seek pen and paper instead I type my thoughts.
I recall the feel of paper on my palms as I hold my pen and write; thoughts of romantic ideals, and my goals in life, where I am now, reminding myself which path I should take and reminding myself not to lose focus.
My mind meanders on the job offers and the interviews and I think about the trials and errors I made in the past. Of writing, of courtship, of interacting socially, I remind myself how I was then and how I am now.
Professionalism, politics and leadership play into mind, faces of past colleagues entering and leaving my corporate life. Egos growing, karma and knowing one's place reanimates my thoughts.
Am I dealing with the same circumstances in terms of choosing, being accepted and accepting a job? Perhaps...
Today I had to indulge myself in something that's been a part of me since I was a boy. It will always be a part of me, and there are times wherein I need to give into this little pet peeve in order to get it out of my mind and writing this tonight proves that.
I look out of my window and see a dark sky, I think about the times where in the moon, full and bright looks upon my little room. I think of the moments wherein I reflect about the daily happenings in my life, about the people that have entered my life, about the people I miss and love.
Tonight reminds me of the old me in 2004 after I graduated college, locking myself inside a bubble and shunning the world around me where I indulged on interests and needs. Tonight reminds me of the change I have undergone for the past three years and a glimpse of who I was earlier today.
I am grateful for the amount of patience, and understanding she has given me today and all the little snippets of how much I appreciate her comes to me, words, thoughts, phrases, sentences play through my mind, excited and impatient to be written down, to be expressed, to be uttered and yet, I hold my thoughts promising as soon as the sun rises all will be said and written.
Labels: understanding me
posted by vinz @ 8:17 PM
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Friday, October 26, 2007
Quality Control for Quality Men ~01
I've been playing in my mind about this topic for years and with the recent entry written by a fellow Multiplier it became my catalyst to finally jot down years of reflection and experience.
In conversations with friends this topic arises and I have shared more than once my views about finding a partner and perhaps, that's one of the reasons why I've stayed single for so long because even in my subconscious I knew that I'll meet the lady who'll complement me in so many ways.
Please note that this is my preference and my general assumption on the matter. Everyone has different tastes and always think about what you’re looking for in a relationship, a commitment with "someone that would complement you and not complete you" (if I may quote my lovely girlfriend with that statement *smiles*) because being involved isn’t about being complete, it's about growing and developing to the person you are, you have to complement each other for you to understand one another.
First there has to be attraction with one another and I do mean with one another. It isn’t a one way feeling, if she has in some way showed an inkling of affection then, do the same (i.e. an inkling as well, don't go overboard you git) and never, ever assume about a gesture that is considered friendly. Make your intentions known, you're the guy here, be a man and admit it and don't hide under pretenses. If you let your intentions known then she can set her barriers.
A real man who wants the real thing will do everything in a moral and also common sense to break those barriers without crossing the line. Let me emphasize it again, without crossing the bloody line. I’ve seen it so many friggin' times that it's sickening already. Did I mention moral and common sense? Yes I did -think about it!
You have to get to know the lady before committing into a relationship with her; we tend to visit their family during courtship, right? Even if we're a few weeks into the relationship they tend to introduce us to their parents. This is your chance to get some alone time with the siblings, the parents and try to get as much information about her pet peeves. If you can handle that then, good for you if not, it's best you stop the courtship or break up with the relationship if you can't deal with it.
Here's the thing, not all women agree in courtship, if they like you then, you're a couple just like that in a blink of an eye. In my experience, I'd prefer she gets to know me better and never show your best foot forward, act the natural you and so, if you do commit into a relationship with her, she'll know what to expect and take into consideration.
Second, you have to know what you're looking for in a woman. What traits does she have, her habits, the lifestyle she’s living in, who and what kind of friends does she have. Take for example with me; I do not want a girlfriend who drinks and parties all night so, how do I meet someone like that? Well, obviously there's a high probability of not meeting someone like that when you're out drinking in a club somewhere in the metro. Also, think about would she want to be committed with someone who parties and drinks all night? Again, think about complimenting one another, the above example is simply one point of view there are tons out there depending on what values you represent.
Sometimes what you're looking for doesn't come with all the packages and with what you want always comes with different matches. For instance, you prefer committing into a relationship with someone who likes to shop, be prepared for long walks if you want to spend time with her and accompany her shop unless she prefers shopping alone or with her friends although, missing out on what outfits she tries on is a total loss *laughs*. Or another case would be you want someone who's outspoken and passionate about different matters but she can’t cook or is totally disorganized with her things.
Third, it's really about complementing each other and compromising. You are in agreement that you’re both in a relationship and that you love each other. If she can understand your needs about a hobby whether it is about cars or Airsoft or what have you then, you have a keeper. Of course, you have to understand and provide time with her and her likes as well. I say if she does something nice, like giving you a present about something you're interested in or passionate in then, she's a keeper.
This entry is taking too long *laughs* I guess, I'll write a sequel to this entry soon.
Labels: Quality Control
posted by vinz @ 9:08 PM
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Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Reflection on the Glorietta tragedy
I've been playing in my mind if I would have gone to Glorietta on that day. I had a 3pm interview and I was planning on eating lunch there and would have waited in a coffee shop reading a book or would have stayed in a bookstore.
I was supposed to ride the MRT to Makati but gotten lazy although, the entrance I usually enter the Glorietta mall were the G3 and G4 entrances, I was planning on wasting my time there so I wouldn't think about missing her that much since she'll be on a four day vacation with her family and, I didn't want her to worry about me, I wanted her to enjoy every minute of that trip.
There was still the possibility of me strolling around that area of the mall, it was around lunch time when it happened and I was still on my way to Makati.
An explosion occurred and it brought back memories of explosions and earth shaking during the Gulf War, I was living in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia at that time, I was around eight to nine years old. Sadam sent us occasional missiles and the Americans defended the city by hitting his missiles with their missiles called Scuds and Patriots respectively.
When I dropped off the Fx in Ayala Avenue there were fire trucks wheezing by, ambulances with their loud sirens on. I knew what happened because of the news in the radio; I could hear people whispering about the tragedy. It felt unreal, questions running in my mind if a lot of people died, how many got hurt? As I was walking down to Valero St. there were a group of people watching in a huge screen tv through a window, I saw an aerial shot of the Mall and I looked up and saw helicopters circling the city.
I've walked from where I stood to Greenbelt and Glorietta before and it felt really close. I thought about if people here felt some sort of earthquake from what happened. Was it really a bomb or was it simply caused by an accident?
I wondered if there were people I knew who got hurt.
The weekend went by like a blur, I keep thinking about it on and off. I thought about the eleven families who lost their loved ones.
I was watching the news earlier and there was this story about one of the victims of the blast. She was a wife in her mid30s, they have a four year old child and I reckon they got married in her late twenties. Anyhow, as they were interviewing the husband I could feel the shock, the sadness and dismay he felt in losing his wife, best-friend and mother of his child. They were supposed to meet by the entrance of G2 and he was running a bit late. I keep wondering if he thought about being a bit early maybe, she wouldn't have died? Or if he were on time then would he have died as well? I saw the footage of him waiting in the hospital of any news about his wife and I thought about an essay I read a couple of years ago that really made me appreciate the now and present.
The essay was about a widow taking the clothes of his late wife out of the drawers and there was an expensive piece of clothing that his wife was saving for special occasions and the article went on about to appreciate things and not save something for special occasions because our loved ones might be taken away with a snap of a finger.
That story is one of my reasons why I came back, why I'll be staying here for awhile to build a foundation with my girl-friend. The reason why I think about all the little things she does to express her affections towards me, towards our relationship. The reason why I'll do everything I can to make it work, to become more successful than I was when I was living abroad.
I love her and this recent tragedy that happened to our country taught me to appreciate her a bit more.
Labels: glorietta, the present
posted by vinz @ 10:12 PM
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Tuesday, October 16, 2007
LRT COINCIDENCE
I was riding the purple line from Recto to Santolan, I didn't notice her first, she was wearing one of those white uniforms and judging from the attire she wore she was a nursing student, white blouse, skirt, black shoes, hair tied to a knot.
I noticed her smile when she witnessed me tap a lady with a child to give my seat a few stations later. That’s when I noticed her features, her pretty face, mestiza skin, rosy lips, oval face, posture and proportioned body.
I shrugged it off and looked at the view, at the sky as the train wheezed past the city in the late afternoon. It was a 25 minute ride to my destination, people came and went, I looked around and eavesdropped on a conversation between varsity basketball players and then, I saw her seeing a gum on her shoe, she was looking for a tissue paper in her belongings and I looked inside my pocket and gave her one.
It was an accident that we touched each other's fingers when I gave her the piece of tissue and I immediately looked away and diverted my attention towards the view. It was nothing, and it was funny that I thought of most men would strike up a conversation with her already, I mean, she's very attractive and she smiled when I did a good deed or it could be that good deed was a means of showing a good impression for a means to an end? This is my imagination going overdrive I reckon *shrugs*
I wasn't interested even though I was single and I don't believe in fate. I believe in an initial attraction towards each other upon conversing ergo, chemistry unraveling itself during a "chit-chat".
The ride finally ended and I hurriedly walk/ran towards the Fx area(like a Bus Stop but only up to 10 passengers and has a one way destination). I was already inside the car when she came and sat next to me.
She said thanks again for the help and I replied in a cordial manner it was no problem at all. It was funny we got off at the same location and lived in the same subdivision. Naturally I allowed her first to ride the
Tricycle.
I never thought I'd cross paths with her again for the second and third time.
A week later I was heading towards Cubao, I had my ipod with me as I rode my way to the purple line. I was supposed to leave an hour ago but got a bit lazy getting dressed. I was thinking about something else as I walked along the midst of the crowd waiting for the train and I picked a spot out of no reason at all to board the coming train which was to arrive in 2 minutes and 30 seconds.
She was in front of me, with a friend and they were wearing casual clothes. I couldn't help smile and laugh at myself thinking about the coincidence and how funny it was I didn't forget the incident and her face. I didn’t greet her or tapped her shoulder to say hello because I wasn’t intending to but our eyes met and we said hello at the same time.
I gave her my name and asked how her shoe was. She introduced me to her friend and asked if they were going to watch the UAAP game since, they were wearing the colors green and I was going to watch the game too although, I wasn't wearing any school colors.
They said yes they were and kidded that it wasn't obvious, (it was the final four teams competing for the championship) and I didn't share them that I too was going to watch the game. It was a polite and friendly conversation on our ride to Cubao; I didn't ask any personal questions and I thought it was another freaky coincidence meeting her again in the LRT station.
No, our seats weren't near each other nor did we see each other after the game that day.
It's funny though that the third time we met was quite a charm.
*To be continued*Labels: fiction
posted by vinz @ 10:37 PM
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Monday, October 08, 2007
Monthsary and Meeting the Parents
15 minutes to 12am, my phone rang; I received a text message from her asking me what I was doing at this hour. We’ve agreed that I should sleep in early so that I could rest my face and not have more relapses on what happened to me the past week.
I replied to her text that I was waiting for something and that she'll find out soon enough; I knew she already put together what I meant from my reply and I felt happy about that.
I set the alarm on my phone just in case I might fall asleep and miss a minute. My phone alarm rings and I press my speed dial number for hers; she gave me a warm hello and we both greeted each other a happy monthsary.
It's been a month now since she and I became officially together, I still feel like the happiest person on Earth and I feel growth in our relationship; growth that I have longed to have in a relationship, a growth that imbues contentment and profound affection.
She has made me realize that the patience and understanding I showed her would stretch on further and that despite our first argument and the PMS lashings, I still don't feel or carry hurts about what happened.
I love her more than when I realized a few months ago.
Yesterday she finally met my parents. They have two weeks left before they went back to Saudi and I was thrilled that they finally met her, she was shy as I have anticipated and I knew they'll get to ask her questions later.
The talk was quaint and she answered all their questions with ease and mentioned the important details that they’d wonder. I was so proud of her.
Unbeknownst to her, she taught me about something I thought I wasn't capable of by simply being herself, I'll be more patient and wait with the job opportunities however; if that thing that I was waiting for didn't happen then I suppose, I may have to compromise with what's been offered however; I won’t give in to the allure of living abroad –well, not yet anyway.
I keep replaying how she looked yesterday, I was marveling at her beauty, at her sensuality as we sat together, as we talked and listened to the music and the rain. I think about the look in her eyes as I massaged her temple because she had a headache as I whispered prayers of the pain leaving her.
I love her more than I admitted to myself a few months ago.
I'm thankful that I finally have her in my life and not a day goes by that I feel grateful for being loved by her.
Labels: relationship
posted by vinz @ 11:50 AM
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Saturday, October 06, 2007
Sensible Convos or is it Nosebleed Convos?
One of the advantages of taking time in knowing someone are the rare occasions of having to talk to them once in a while and towards the end of the conversation you learn something new, you tend to marvel on how brilliant the dialogue went and it hits you when you tend to reflect about it afterwards.
I was chatting with a friend since grade school, she was in the honor section ever since I can remember and always among the top of the class batch yet, funny enough, I always felt something similar between she and I. well, I guess, it was the tantrums and temper we shared? Yet, we never really talked or got to know one another back in those days and until only recently when we started conversing and it was over the yahoo messenger of all places.
Anyhow the topic of our conversation was neo-hedonist philosophy; neo meaning recent or new and hedonist being someone motivated by desires for sensual pleasures (wow, there's such a word for that?
) and she talked about how her friends and her invented words and gave it meanings, it’s a mental exercise which I used to dream about to be honest and well, I attempted to converse something similar to this (inventing words and giving meanings to it) with friends in high school (I was studying in the Philippines by then) and I was just frowned upon and was branded "weird". I’d prefer they used "eccentric" but then again, that word probably wasn't in their vocabulary
And so, she had me differentiate Seduce from Seductify and differentiate Seductive from Seductible. Now, she defined Seduce as when you try to get someone into bed i.e. you do the actual work and as for Seductify (I just entered these two words she invented in my dictionary in ms word
) its when you act towards the object of your desire in such a way that he will be the one who will do the actual work; you MAKE the other person seduce you, but usually, he doesn't know it; seductification is therefore more manipulative than seduction (anyone's nose is bleeding yet?
). She emphasized that Seductify means you MAKE the other person do the actual work ergo it's manipulating the other person to seduce you? She also coined it as "Bed Tricks" (you like the sound of that don’t you?
)
Okay now she wanted me to differentiate Seductible because she already gave the answers on the first word and I made a poor attempt on the word she invented (My nose was bleeding already, gimme a break?!
) and Seduction means tending to entice into a desired action or state. She defined Seductible as responsive to seduction or seductification; or succumbs to seduction; a seductible person seductifies.
Moving on, she introduced me to the words guiltify - makes the other person feel guilty; "I guiltify my boyfriend" (nuff said
) and the word proposify - makes the other person propose to you; "I proposified him when we became steady"; she related that a lot of girls do that, especially in this time and age and that the longest she was courted was less than a month, in the end, she proposified.
It's a shame the dialogue ended abruptly because a guest came to her dorm. She's taking up Law I reckon in UPD. I feel blessed that I have people like her I can call friends, makes my life a bit more interesting than it usually is.
Labels: friends, nosebleed
posted by vinz @ 6:34 PM
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Thursday, October 04, 2007
Jitters
For the past few days I’ve been trying to occupy my mind with other means because I’ve been trying to avoid flashbacks. I think I’ve reached another end of a cycle where in I tend to get depressed? I keep thinking about regrets and decisions people in my life want me to make and I guess it’s a challenge I have to face so that in the end, the rewards I will reap will be worth it.
Earlier, I didn’t have a choice to drive my parents to Laguna to meet with my Aunt who is a dentist. My father needed a new set of dentures and since my brother had to review for his exams it was my duty to whisk them on an hour and a half drive to my Aunt.
I didn’t want to drive that far since I knew there would be traffic and it would be at night; the roads would be dark and I haven’t seen the lay of the land in daylight yet so, I wasn’t comfortable in driving that fast, that long and also, it will leave me open to my mind wandering about past mistakes, and options that family keeps reminding me to take.
I have already decided in which path I will be taking and I know I can make it work. It’s about time I think for myself, do and commit to what makes me happy. I’ve given tons of sacrifices for the family for the past two and half years and it’s about time I pursue something for me.
She has seen me flinch in more than one occasion already and I have confessed what thoughts they were. It’s a phase about me that I need to understand and accept that will always happen once in a while. I can’t say that having these moments is bad because, they temper my tenacity to hold true on the principles and values I have taken as my own however; that isn’t to say that I find it difficult to cope with the feelings; the hurts, regrets and at times anger.
Something different happened tonight though, I recalled something she related to me and the image of that story hurt me. The bottom-line I reckon is never to take her for granted.
Not a day passes that I thank Him for allowing me to be a part of her life; that I feel loved, understood and appreciated.
Two things though: I’ve never regretted coming back here and pursued my feelings towards her.
Labels: alone, regret, relationship
posted by vinz @ 7:34 AM
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Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Of Friends And Life moving on
I've been looking at my friends' photos lately and I feel nostalgic seeing how much all of us have grown. Gone were the days when we were in our college uniform thinking about exams, cutting classes, where to hang out during breaks and food to eat.
I knew then that it wouldn't last, moments of being together, enjoying everyone's company and I guess, that's why I've always tried to remember and relish each moment with them. It's sad that I never had the same connection they had with other friends and I guess, it's because I tried so hard to broaden my network which led me to a double edged sword kind of situation.
I'm not complaining with how everything happened, I grew from the experience and I preferred not opening all of myself to anyone in particular back in those days. I have explored different experiences which led me to quite a number of moral decisions and in the end; I’m relieved to know that I’m innately good and that the principles I have chosen to follow were tempered during these said trials I have set for myself.
I look at their photos now and understand the trust we have for each other and the loyalty I feel from our friendship. That the history we shared can never be replaced and will always be there, humbling me for being a part of their lives, for sharing those moments of laughter and heart aches.
We've all moved on, parted our separate ways and although, some still remain in contact with each other, having occasional gatherings whenever something monumental is happening in their lives and perhaps, the only regret I feel about how everything happened the way it did was that I wasn't close enough to being a friend that could be a part of that.
Labels: friends, regret
posted by vinz @ 11:22 AM
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