Tuesday, February 28, 2006
MINI SERIES VOLUME: 10
I’ve been thinking about for the past half hour minutes on how I will say that she has lipstick on her teeth. I know I should have just blurted it out right away or excused myself to the toilet and then, maybe she would as well? However, she was so engrossed in her monologue, I couldn’t even utter anything beyond two words: “I see” or “oh really?” or “That’s great”
Honestly, I felt guilt when I couldn’t stifle my laughter. Although I was lucky when I did laugh she was right in the middle of a joke and she was like, “
Oh diba? Isn’t super it funny
talaga as een.” Christ, how did I end up going out with her again?
Gosh it really looks icky and the stain hasn’t been washed from her drink, maybe I should order something bubbly? Maybe carbonated water could clean it off *chuckles*. But then again, with that much lipstick on her two front teeth? It’s a mystery to me how she doesn’t taste or feel the weight of all that
paint.
Paint? *bwhahahah*
Oh-oh, I need to reply to what she’s saying, “I see.” Now, that was easy, where was I? Oh yeah, God that’s a lot of lipstick, I recall something about red lipstick in the discovery channel. The red dye comes from cactus worms in Mexico, gosh, I hope she didn’t buy that sort of lipstick though, I must admit she does have a very inviting mouth. I wonder how she kisses *sniggers*.
She puts her hand on top of mine, am I really that sly leaving my hand there, exposed? Or was it because I’m too preoccupied with my thoughts, oh wait she’s saying something, “Les, I like you, you’re not like other guys, you listen to me.”
“Oh, really?” yeah-right-man, me listen? *chuckles*
“Yah
kaya, other guys would…” and there we go, back to my thoughts. I keep staring at her lipstick, I should stop looking at it, and I wonder what expression is on my face right now? Oh-kay so she’s squeezing my hand, maybe I should too? Ack! Is that her feet brushing on my leg? Victoria Court here I come? But wait! That lipstick is still an issue, what do I do? Maybe when we kiss I’d lick it off? *chuckles*
Did I hear her right? She’s asking for the bill? Time to pay then, did she just say she’s going to the TOILET? Ack! No!
I hold onto her so she can’t move “Do you need to pee or something?” please say no; please say no, I’m praying that you say no.
“I’d just like to freshen up.” she says giggling.
“You don’t need to freshen up, you look great the way you are, let’s go, I don’t want us to be away for even a minute.” Notice I couldn’t utter the word:
beautiful, I might flinch if I say it *chuckles*.
“Oh… Lesssss.” And I get an embrace. I’ll definitely do my bloody best to lick that lipstick off *sniggers*.
posted by vinz @ 10:09 AM
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Sunday, February 26, 2006
BUSY YET MAKING TIME
It was a busy weekend (Thursdays and Fridays) for me. Everything seems to be urgent here at work, what a load of Bull I say however, despite the pressure and urgency of what some of the blokes here are requesting I managed to finish all of them in time.
Today was über busy from 9:00am to 2:00pm, I haven’t eaten my lunch yet and I needed to do something I’m interested in before I proceed with feeding myself and also, for the past week, I’ve been browsing a few Adobe Photoshop tutorial sites and I made a friend of mine a little artwork out of her photos, I hope she doesn’t mind and I sent her a copy of what I did. I won’t be posting it or anywhere since it was meant as a present for her.
I really hope she likes it, haven’t talked to her in a while and we had sort of an argument when last we sent messages to each other. It was my fault, I was too insensitive and tactless to say to her something as such and I suppose, the photo art work is my other means of apologizing to her.
I was flattered that a profile of me was put up in my college. Friends who are still studying there brought me the news however I was concerned about my photo, I was never photogenic *chuckles*. As it turned out only 3 profiles were posted on that exhibit.
I made it a point that I’m taking my one hour break, usually I eat lunch while working but not today. I’m too frigging tired and stressed and I need more time to ease my mind. It’s a Saturday and most of the people I know in the Philippines are out having a blast to unburden them of the accumulated stress from the week. I can’t help but feel envy towards them though, I tell myself I just have to sacrifice one more year of my life like this and then I’m a step closer to my goals in life.
On Thursday we’ll be having this get together; my parents’ friends and ours will be attending a party set up by my Aunt. It will be social function (read: passing on criticism towards others and setting me up with their daughters since, I’m the only one single) and it will be the biggest I’ll be attending in a year (not considering the Alumni Home Coming last month). I have to set myself up for it but I know I’ll want to go home early though it won’t be possible, sigh. Plus I’ll be coming from my Instructor’s home; group leaders have extra class for the next day. It was just my luck to be nominated as such although, a responsibility is a responsibility.
I’m currently caught between two things, wanting to sleep and wanting to learn some more Adobe Photoshop tricks as well as wanting to get a hold of great photos friends wouldn’t mind me dabbling with. Of course, I want to use my ideas on myself however, I haven’t made time in taking photos of myself and sometimes, the designs I think up come from the photos I see.
Looking back, I guess I’ve had a lot of work experience managing a role for three people. I know I still have a lot to improve on though; there are situations in which I can’t improve since the lack of man power. However, as always I manage what resources I have, that’s how I’ve always dealt my problems.
I wrote a part of my mini series yesterday at class, I’ll try and find some time to finish it. I’ve been thinking about it last night before I went to sleep and I hope when I finish it it’ll be as amusing as I thought it would be when read.
I was surprised with the amount of greetings I received for my birthday and really touched though, some friends that I’ve really taken time on remembering their birthdays seems to have forgotten but then again, it’s just a greeting, right? Plus, I didn’t really celebrate my birthday though, as always I made a heartfelt prayer to the almighty wishing that everything works out for my family, the people I care for and good health.
I’ve been thinking about that friend of mine a lot for the past couple of weeks, the one I made a photo art work. Could I have managed to link myself with her as I have with others? Usually when I think about a friend a lot they find a way to think of me as well and usually it happens and I receive a text message or an email from them, it must have some psychological explanation because I’ve been doing it for the past several years. Or maybe it’s simply coincidence? Anyhow, I just hope we get to talk again and despite that I’ve already apologized I feel it still wasn’t enough.
I’m happy though that everything is turning out fine for her having finally met the guy who is right for her; a guy strong enough that can ride with her and someone who compliments her in every good way.
I have to drag my ass everyday starting tonight? Ugh, to do the exercises, I really must lose this excess FAT! Vinzi is a flabby fatty belch!
posted by vinz @ 8:48 AM
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Thursday, February 23, 2006
NOT BAD, EH?
It’s my birthday and so far I’ve been getting good news. I received my raise this month and I hope I do get that “thing”. I’ll mention what it is if I do get it, I hope I do though.
If you know me, I’ve always made it a point to greet any of my friends on their birthdays because it’s my basis and my gauge how deep our friendship is. Of course, friends do forget because they are busy and what have you however, as I stated, if I really mean anything to you, you’d remember me on this special day.
I am grateful to those few people who haven’t forgotten my day and I thank them from the bottom of my heart. Although, I feel a tad bit disappointed to some of the people I thought I have a connection with to forget this special day of mine.
I’ve been feeling serine all day, and I’m twenty four. Honestly, I never thought I’d reach this age. Always thought it’ll end after twenty two. I wonder what this year has in store for me, day in and day out my patience and professionalism is being tested here. I have to thank my years in college for preparing me for all this. The people I have met, the professors who I’ve learned from, the institution who’ve provided and given me the opportunity to attain and experience all of this. I still hold the values you have imbued upon me; I shall lead and follow them for the rest of my existence.
How did I celebrate my birthday so far? When I woke I said a small prayer, did my usual morning routine, prayed 7 “Glory Be” on our ride to work. Did the usual calls and work after which I paid lunch for myself and three of my colleagues in a Thai Restaurant.
I’m currently back at work and thankful I don’t have anything to do yet. That’s why I can write this article *chuckles*. I’ll be heading to my aunt’s home again this evening have dinner and leave. I just want to stay at home and rest. I did bring my digital camera so we’ll be taking photos later.
Gifts, I wonder if I’ll receive any gifts. *laughs* honestly, I feel a bit awkward receiving anything from anyone. My parents bought me new shoes that I was initially going to pay for but they said they’ll pay for it and it’ll be my present for my birthday, my younger brother asked me what I wanted and I thought about it and just said to buy me a new 1GB flash disk.
The question now lies what will I buy for my birthday? I honestly don’t have a clue, I mean, I’ve already bought the things I wanted for myself so, I’ll ask a prayer and a wish to God. I thank him for helping my family and the blessings He has showered in our lives. As for my birthday wish, it’s for my siblings that what we have planned and are working hard for come to fruition and/or be granted. Please have everything pan out as we have envisioned being dear Lord.
I’m twenty four and I have less than two years left in order to be financially stable. I still have a long way however with the Almighty’s guidance, my family’s love and the friends that I have, I know I can manage coupled with tenacity and passion to attain/achieve my wants in life.
posted by vinz @ 8:51 AM
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Wednesday, February 22, 2006
MINI SERIES VOLUME: 9
“Dude, really, I love her but since she’s in a different country, could you set me up with a
chick?” Wilson said rather sincerely. Who the hell is he kidding? Setting him up for a one-night-stand? Me? Set someone up for a one-night-stand? I suppose it’s okay if he’s good looking, but
F*CK man! Then again, he won’t be asking my help if he was good looking *sniggers*. Why am I even considering him setting him up for a
CHICK? Ghhaaddd. I abhor people like him who call the opposite gender
chick.
I should calm down; after all, you did sort of played in between with his woman in the past. I was young and still addicted to one-night-stands at the time, give me a bloody break?! Tsk tsk tsk. I should know better, I have no excuse for what I did however; I did receive my karma from that experience already. What role should I play now?
“Dude, if you want to do one-night-stands go to
k*nt*t chat room.” I say rather wryly.
“Okay-okay, any other channels I can visit?”
Good God man, I’m not even sure if there is such a channel, “Err, just try and look for it that is anything related to
F*ck, okay?”
You love her, hah! But you want to have sex with another woman, to release tension you say? You
*ss. Then again, how do I justify my way of life for the past few years? At least I’m not committed and they know that. I’ve already learned how to distance myself when attachment is looming close and I believe none of them gets hurt. I’ve simply become a past-time to them, just someone who needs amusement with no strings attached. I wonder now if I believe in love. Despite the romantic dates I’ve written in my fictional blog (read: drawn to thoughts of her series) I can’t say that I believe in its possibility anymore. I’m selling something I don’t believe in.
Now, now, don’t be so hard in our self. You might be proven wrong soon enough, it might not just be the time, He has plans for us, and you know that.
“Oh, what’s the URL of your fictional blog again? I’ll need some tips,” Wilson inquired as he laughs.
Euw?! “Its
www***DOT-FICTION-NGA-EH-DOT***com, and try to imagine yourself as the protagonist when you read them, mmkay?”
posted by vinz @ 8:44 AM
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UY EXCITED
65 days to go, I’ve started finalizing that list I made. I keep thinking about going back, I must say that I am excited as hell. I can imagine seeing my friends again, spending time with someone I’ve had a connection with but never gave time to that in the past (confusing isn’t it? *laughs*) I guess, she and I can only relate to what I have just stated.
I’ve lots of places to see and go to and I have no excuses this time in order for me not to go. I can at least say that I have made a bit of a name for myself and believing in me was one of the key components as to how I attained my current status. I still have a lot to surpass though, it helps basking and reflecting towards something you’ve worked really hard for. I should relish everything and appreciate what I have, what else am I living for if I don’t, right?
The current song I’m playing under my “mantra” is Only the Good by The Speaks. I’ve been playing the song over and over again for the past three days. I can’t recall the lyrics but the tune and beat suits my current feelings, I can imagine driving around in Manila listening to this song and while I wait for a friend of mine to come out of her home as I whisk ourselves to a quaint dinner or movie.
I’m going to sleep early tonight, as what I’ve done a year ago.
One thing I’m certain though, is that I don’t want to fall for someone when I come back and it seems my defense mechanisms are taking effect as what I have subconsciously done in the past. I’m afraid because the plan I have set might crumble and I might not achieve what I have been working for. Then again, who I am to question my heart? Nay, I will remain single for a couple more years. I have my writing and passions to accompany me for the next two years however, it doesn’t hurt to go out on dates.
I believe I’m more confident now about myself due to my line of work and the light people will see me in when asked with what I do. I used to hate people asking me what do I do because during those times I didn’t have a job and I said I was going abroad to work in a few months. I knew it would happen still there’s a part of me that doubts that and you see it in their eyes as well when you say what you say; you tend to think this person is all talk and no action however, with my current status I’ve proven them wrong but I don’t want to boast, for modesty is the best action in moments such as these.
I remind myself about the things I’ve learned in a book I read, I hope I can implement it effectively when I’m socializing in a crowd. It’s hard to imagine that I’ve been counting the days and postponing it for my vacation for more than a year already, just a few more days before I can shower my affections towards the friends I hold and keep dearly. I can’t wait.
posted by vinz @ 7:42 AM
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Tuesday, February 21, 2006
BELIEVE
I’ve always been one to follow my dreams and fulfill it despite how miniscule it may seem to others. The fact of the matter is, I lived and made those dreams possible and I felt content having experienced it.
You wonder what miniscule dreams have I fulfilled? Well, let me jot down a few of them here.
I’ve wanted to take classes in basketball and I did that before I entered college, and because of it, I made peace with myself that I’m really not into sports nor am I talented in it. In college I acted in a play. It was a great experience and doing it once is enough for me, I felt content after three months of practicing and eventually the performance on the production itself. I also wanted to grow my hair long and sport a close-cropped hair-do. Learning to drive comes to mind and trips to a distant province were fulfilled as well. Winning a tournament out of wit was achieved as well as recognition for one’s prowess. These are the few things I wanted to experience and have done so.
I still have a few in my list and when I come back to the Philippines I plan on having that fulfilled. Going to Boracay and Puerto Galera is on that list and a planned day with a friend will finally be fulfilled. As of late, I am currently preparing myself if I can fulfill my dream of teaching in college part-time, just for one semester and I’m content. I’m taking classes for my career at the same time will be my means to teach in my chosen field, if it is possible. We’ll see come 2007 if I can attain this.
It’s important to believe in yourself otherwise you won’t achieve anything. When I went here landing a job was nearly impossible but I defied that, just the first week of searching for a job I landed one. My parents say I’m lucky and blessed, almost all of my wants that I pray to the Almighty comes true. I think it’s because I believe in him and myself that I can accomplish what I mean to; defy what the general notions are. I live to defy what the general norms for I know I am meant for greatness. With His guidance and aid I can achieve my definition of greatness.
The key component towards everything is to believe in yourself and the universe shall conspire to aid you. A friend worries about a certain issue I say to her, you’ve known us for quite a while now, and you’ve felt it haven’t you? How different we are from anyone you’ve met, the ambient greatness mingling in the air and especially when you bear witness to our talents. Ergo, dear friend, you shouldn’t worry, what you have is real so, trust, revel and bask in the greatness that surrounds you.
posted by vinz @ 4:41 AM
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Monday, February 20, 2006
GUTS
GUTS: you got to have it to survive in this world. I’ve always been gutsy and believed in myself even though what I’m heading into is uncertainty. I guess that’s why I’ve been generally successful.
I also follow a strict code that I’ve set for myself. The principles I’ve chosen to follow guide the decisions I make and integrity is more of a priority rather than dignity and pride. I act on impulse and by instinct most of the time which is the reason why I still remain passionate though, being so much so does have its consequences. The more positive you are the more prone you are to negativity ergo; a balance or a release should be met. Friends I can speak with to vent out my woes are essential if not, havoc and chaos would reign in my life.
As of late my feelings are in turmoil since, I am up to my limits with the unprofessionalism and at times pathetic logic some people say. Is it just me or do I just simply have a knack in understanding, accounting and logic? Why would I burden myself with their incompetence? Why they even ask that I should do that? I don’t give a damn if they are decades older than me, I follow a strict dictum that was taught to me when I was in college and I adhere to it. Even though I’ve finished my education I am still a representative if not, a by product of the institution I chose to enroll in.
Is that pride you notice? Hell yeah.
I have ambition and I have the fiery drive to get to what I want. I’m taking the steps and I need a few more to reach the next floor. I’m not taking the elevator to success nor am I taking the stairs because, success is an escalator that’s moving downwards and if you take your time you’ll eventually reach square one again. I don’t have the luxury to sit idly nor will I lie down and wait for opportunity to knock. I’ll make things happen, I’ll take those steps even if it means it’ll tire me. I’ll rest when I reach the floor and then start taking those steps so I can reach the next floor.
I may act decisively and with no regret with my decisions, heck, I can even be considered as cold-hearted and cruel with what I do. Though, I still keep my responsibilities intact, I just don’t give a damn if you see the forest or the trees. I’m too pissed to even care and too fed up to explain to you what I do. I doubt if you can fathom the intricacies of my thoughts and my soul. I live to defy norms, I live and follow a set of principles that I’ve chosen to attain my definition of enlightenment.
posted by vinz @ 4:00 AM
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Sunday, February 19, 2006
ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER REFLECTION
I was in my class yesterday and I was really lazy that morning and I didn’t want to attend but my family told me to attend and so I did, I brought myself a sachet of cappuccino to keep me awake. The first class isn’t that boring but its review of what I’ve taken up my whole life.
Computers have been a part of my childhood and I understand the logic and functions of it however, to me, its common sense and basic knowledge. I can still recall my days dabbling with 2.86 to 3.86. The different genres of games I’ve played from adventure, racing to my favorite role-playing.
The classes I’m taking up is related to computers and I have to say the first few weeks boring to me and I tend to fall asleep in class however, last Friday was different because it was finally on a different level.
It dawned on me at my Networking 101 subject, why I’m taking this class and taking it further. It’s for my future and to fulfill a dream I want to accomplish, what is a year of patience compared to the rest of my life? I even day dreamed a bit since, it will motivate me further and I made a schedule as I always do as to when to study. I finally received my manual and I promised myself with the aid of the internet I will learn what I need to in order for me to achieve my wants.
I’ve also decided in purchasing my own desktop. This would be the fourth or fifth desktop I’ll be experiencing in assembly.
I recall before I graduated from elementary that my ambition was to become a computer engineer. In a way I’m veering towards that path but I have also others in my mind. I’ve so far fulfilled what I’ve set for myself and in a way; my imaginary of list of things to do before I die is slowly but surely being met.
Teaching is next on my list; just one semester will be fine for me. Sky diving is also on that list as well as scuba however, I have to see if my health would allow me to do the extreme.
What have I accomplished so far? I’ve done acting before and I didn’t care if I was the best or not, it was simply to experience how it felt like, attending practices and performing in front of an audience. Another is to learn how to cook and be praised for it by real critiques and I’ve done that. One of the dreams I thought was unattainable was to be acknowledged as a writer and poet and I have successfully done that in the past few months. I also didn’t talk for a whole week and as well as let my hair grow for eight months. It was uncomfortable for me to have my hair grow.
I wonder when will I stop and be content of myself. I probably won’t because for me to accomplish something is living my life however; I do know that too much will lead to my demise.
Probably one of the greatest accomplishments I will take pride in when the time comes is raising an affectionate and open family, have my wife to still be in love with after all the years we’ll be together and vice versa.
For now, I have to accomplish one task at a time and trust that innate goodness in me with whatever decisions I will and won’t make.
posted by vinz @ 3:47 AM
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PLANS CHANGE AND PROMISES TO BE MET
Finally things are beginning to fall into place however, the plans I’ve set for myself over the past year has changed.
I was planning on staying here for only a year but I’ll stay here for another year but not more than three. I was planning on putting up a business when I take my vacation but realize I won’t be able to manage that and I need to save so that I have start up money for next year.
I was supposed to move to the U.S. but I won’t since my visa won’t be that certain. I have other options and I have considered them, I will start processing come August.
I thought I was in love apparently, I wasn’t. I surmise that I still don’t know what it feels to be in love. I’m still plagued with countless attraction towards women although, I manage to keep my principles in tact despite the screaming and nagging of my inner demon *chuckles*.
I’ve realized the value of family, friendship and forgiveness. I will do my best to convince myself not to give people my time when clearly they take me for granted. I’ll spend my time with friends that take the effort to communicate with me despite the distance.
I’ll try and fulfill one of my dreams when I get back to the Philippines which is to teach part-time in college while I take classes which are of interest to me.
I also promise to finish the courses that I am taking and will be taking so that I can define which line of work I’ll be delving into next year. I need to remind myself that what I’m doing is for my future which is also the reason why I write, it keeps me focused towards what I intend to be in the future.
Right now, I can’t afford to commit because I have too much at stake however, I still intend to get married by 27 or 28 and have kids by 30. Planning my future is engraved in my upbringing; I have my parents to thank for sharing their experiences growing up.
I am thankful that my parents have finally adjusted that we aren’t kids anymore and the sermons has ceased. I’ve become a hermit once again and the internet my medium to communicate into the world. It’s been pretty much work, home and work or home, school and home. I don’t mind it at all so as long as I can spend my vacation with leisure and ease sixty-eight days from now. I feel like I work 7 days a week and I can only wake late once a week but then again, my body automatically wakes at 6:20am.
I do miss waking at 6am in the humidity of the Philippines and after which let my dogs out and we have time together. I miss the blaring music echoing inside my home and cooking breakfast or fetching a friend after work and we spend the morning to together talking as I whisk her home.
I don’t know what lies before me when I come back but I hope I can spend my time with the people who’ve been here for me despite the circumstances. I’ve offered my 23rd year to this job and soon I shall be doing the same for my 24th and a few months of my 25th.
Before I turn 26 I hope I can finally be able to stand on my own financially.
posted by vinz @ 1:59 AM
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Friday, February 17, 2006
MINI SERIES VOLUME 8
Les’ Thoughts: *chuckles* I should write that down, how do I come up with these lines? *chuckles some more* Oh Christ, what did I just say again? I forgot. At least she reached for my hand and held it. I wonder if I’m going to get lucky tonight. *snickers*
Inner voice: (raised eyebrow) lucky by your definition is just a kiss, right?
Les’ Thoughts: of course dumb ass, what do you think was I thinking?
Inner voice: yeah right, tsk tsk tsk, you should know better.
Les’ Thoughts: bwhaha… So sue me. Be happy that we’re not into men.
Inner voice: blech! (Sticks his spiritual middle finger up)
“Les, are you all right? You seem to be spacing out.”
“I’m actually trying to commit into memory this scene.” I say as I leaned her closer to me.
Inner voice: oh for crying out loud!
Les’ Thoughts: shuddup!
Urusai!
Inner voice: (turns into the following emoticons in order: %-( , :-" , [-X )
“Really Les, it doesn’t seem like it, are you really sure you’re all right?” Bianca says concerned. She checks the temperature of my temple.
Les’ Thoughts: thanks great one, you ruined the moment.
Inner Voice: tee hee *giggles*
“Bianca, really, I’m fine.” I assured her as I took her hand off my temple and I looked at the time, “the movie will start in ten minutes, let’s head to the cinema?”
Scene: At Bianca’s front gate after the movie and dinner.
Les’ Thoughts: Okay, okay, so she hasn’t rung the door bell yet and she just finished thanking me for the evening and her eyes are telling me to kiss her.
Inner voice: kiss her then dumb ass; you won’t be getting any tonight. *sadistic laugh*
Les’ Thoughts: *ignore*
I smile at her warmly and leaned in for the kiss. She moved closer as our lips touched. The kiss took on a life on its own and she whispered in my ear that she’s been meaning to kiss me whole day and then she dropped the bomb.
“Do you want to come inside Les? Every one is at our province for the weekend.”
Les’ Thoughts: B-I-N-G-O! WOOPPEEEE!
Inner Voice: fool! This is the first date, you can’t possibly give in! Hello? S.T.A.L.K.E.R. experience? Does the name MAGGIE ring a bell?
Les’ Thoughts: ulp. *whimper*
“Erm, Bianca, not on the first date.”
posted by vinz @ 2:56 AM
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Thursday, February 16, 2006
SWING-SWING-MOODY
I find myself not in the mood to do anything, no words that may elicit affection or anything seems to be flowing from my lips today. I suppose, I’m just tired from everything, it’s been a year already, my promise and New Year Resolution fulfilled.
What have I learned in a year I wonder? Still the same feelings of accomplishing something insubstantial come to me. I still hunger and I remain impatient. I expect too much from myself and yet a voice in me states to keep uttering what I mean to accomplish and believe in myself.
I want sleep to come to me so I can mend the wounds that lay within me. Solitary will provide me the opportunity to rest and replenish what I’ve used.
Just a few more hours, I should sleep early tonight but I’m also craving for this soup served in a Chinese restaurant. I called my mom already and said we should eat dinner there tonight.
Interesting enough a friend has kept me sane all morning and I’m marveling at her patience at the moment.
I’m now thinking about my next volume for the mini series. I’ve written some of it already but I’m still not quite sure how the story will progress. I might scratch what I’ve written so far and rewrite it again. I understand that I have to plot the story before I delve into it any further if I want it to eventually become a novel.
I also felt like changing my background image and I saw this avatar from someone, I asked for the photo, inverted it and then added a little bit of snippets here and there hence, my new background image. However, I had it only published in the index of my blog.
Dear God, please have everything settled so I can take my leave and be with them soon. Let them see me once more and have them take pride of me. Have me spend my days with them once again so that we may strengthen our bonds and evoke memories that we’ll think fondly off. I’ve reached my limit months ago and sheer Will is what keeps me sane and sound.
I keep thinking of this scene in my mind. Its night and I’m listening to this song as I find someone’s body against mine. We both were simply looking to the sky and I couldn’t help but take in your scent. Your warmth provides me comfort and I take every detail into memory, something to think fondly off, a moment in which everything was perfect between us.
The voices in my mind seem to have died down. The music I’m listening to eases the burden I carry, soothes the burning pain I carry. The voices sing to the lyrics of the song and my heart wells to a comforting timbre, resonating peace within my soul.
posted by vinz @ 6:27 AM
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Wednesday, February 15, 2006
VALENTINES DAY (FICTION)
We’ve been hanging out for quite a while, you knew I like you since I said it in the first place. I was cocky to say that the reason I’m trying to befriend you is that I was attracted to you however; I knew you were attracted to me. I could see it in your eyes when I speak, the way your body tells me as what I’ve read and took into heart.
I’m far from the teenager that I was, I’ve gained experience and I’ve been scarred as well as what many our age has been. I dazzle you with my silver speech for I’ve been honing it for years and you bask at my confidence and assuring smile. Sincerity flows from my every gesture and articulate thoughts.
You never thought I’d skip work just to surprise you; I’ve always taken my job seriously, always the professional despite how frustrated and stressed with my responsibilities. Yet, here I am three dozen roses in hand and a box of Godiva Chocolates before you.
Is that your cheeks blushing that I notice? Is that envy that I see from your co-workers? I bask at the attention and I feel pride welling in me as I take a step closer to you.
We meet in between and you ask me what I’m doing here?
“Isn’t it obvious?” I said and continued with, “The flowers and chocolates are for your boss so you can skip work.”
I was kidding; the flowers and chocolates were for you. You were free for lunch and we ate at a nearby quaint restaurant. I made reservations for the both of us and we slipped into an easy conversation with lots of humor.
We bid our goodbyes and you were thinking I’ll be heading back to my office but I didn’t. I waited until work ended, I said when we met up I bought tickets for this small valentines concert.
Everything went smoothly, our hands seemed to find each other and entwined as we watched the concert. I felt a swelling in my chest when you leaned your head against my shoulder in the middle of the show. I took heart of every second after that and you smelled wonderful. I guess I really am a sentimental but let’s just keep it between the two of us.
Dinner was fine, you were craving for this cuisine and we had what you wanted, I didn’t tell you I had plans for dinner but it was an evening that was meant for you and so, I shall yield towards your whims.
We were finally at your home, I wasn’t expecting a kiss but I read it from your body. I leaned over, you closed you eyes but I stopped an inch away from your lips however, you eased towards mine to seal the end of the evening. It was gentle and longing kiss of two people whose feelings towards each other are blooming to something more.
posted by vinz @ 3:59 PM
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Tuesday, February 14, 2006
MINI SERIES VOLUME: 7
“What are you thinking Les?” she asked for I know I’m wearing this silly grin on my face as we slow danced. I was fantasizing again and I’m thinking if I’ll tell her honestly what I’ve been thinking or would I just say a white lie.
What the heck I say to myself, I’ll tell her what were in my thoughts, “I was thinking what it’d smell like if I leaned over your neck and smelled your hair.” What guy wouldn’t think such thoughts? Here was a perfect *cough* specimen of an early twenties guy dancing with a gorgeous lady of twenty, wearing a glamorous dress, with great make up and her hair in a French Twist.
“
Gagu,” she cussed and laughed. She’s flattered, I know she is *chuckles*.
Joey asked me a few weeks ago to be her date for her cousin’s debut. I was flattered because she usually goes out with different guys. It’s still a mystery to me why she asked me to accompany her. I was introduced to her family and as per Standard Operating Procedure they looked at me from head to foot. I was used to it and thankfully, I managed to make her parents comfortable with me. Her mom even invited me to have lunch with them next Sunday, which from my experience was about time since; I’ve been friends with Joey for over a year.
“I’ll be having lunch with you on Sunday.” I informed Joey as she led me to our table while we held hands.
She flashed me with one of her disarming smiles. “Yeah, my mom told me, it’ll be an interesting Sunday.”
I better prepare myself for another nonstop interrogation then.
“My mom likes you, she says you have breeding and my dad agreed,” explained Joey as we sat on our table.
Breeding: noun 1: elegance by virtue of fineness of manner and expression synonymous to refinement, genteelness, gentility. 2: the result of good upbringing (especially knowledge of correct social behavior); synonymous to education, training. Ugh… here I go again.
“Thanks Joey” I say with warm appreciation and then I leaned in and whispered, “You really look beautiful tonight.”
“
Gagu” she said as she pinched my arm (I knew it *chuckles*).
“What made your parents say I had breeding?” I inquired, knowing full well why; I wanted to hear their thoughts and how much they’ve observed about my behavior. Ego pampering coming right up *yey*.
“Well,” Joey began saying as she looked at me grinning (did I mention she melts hearts of men when she smiles? *hihihi*), “for one your composure, the hand shake too, the food you took from the buffet…”
The buffet, the killer buffet; most guys dump their plates full of food instead of taking enough of what they can eat. Taking note of that informs one of how refined the person is. Occasions such as this makes me glad I bought and read that book of etiquette *chuckles*.
“… and you seem to have charmed my mom when I left you a while ago,” she squeezes my hands underneath the table *ouch?!* *whimper* “Are you even listening to me Les?”
I gave her a warm assuring smile, “Of course I am,” you liar. Well, I did listen to some of it didn’t I?
posted by vinz @ 6:43 AM
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MINI SERIES VOLUME: 6
“We should meet up after work.” She says matter-of-factly. I met up with Bianca for lunch without prior notice. I had a great time with her last week but as always, the cocky bastard in me wouldn’t permit making the first move. She called me a couple of hours ago at work stating that we’re having lunch, it was a pleasant surprise and I was amused by her straight-forwardness.
“I can’t tonight.” I explained, “I promised a friend of mine that I’ll accompany her in a debut she will be attending.” Was that a cringe I noticed when I said I can’t? Interesting.
“Oh with your girlfriend of course,” she grinned.
Aha! The inevitable topic: relationships. I smiled warmly at her, “No, I don’t have a girlfriend; I’ve been single for quite a while. I’m just accompanying my friend in her cousin’s debut, that’s all.”
“How old are you?” she asks suddenly.
“Twenty two in a few months.” I say with a twist of tease, “How about you? Age? Status?”
“Single and twenty three,” she answers laughing, “You don’t seem like twenty two.”
“You mean I look ol-der?” I asked.
She places her hand on my forearm (hmm… interesting), “No, I mean you’re quite mature for your age.” (If you only knew what I’m thinking right now sweetie *chuckles*)
I lean back from my chair for added effect and scratch the back of my head and say, “Erm, I’ll take that as a compliment then.”
She slaps my hand playfully, (interesting, really interesting) and she retorted with humor. The chat went on with its usual ease for about several more minutes until we had to get back to work.
“I had a great time,” I say as we stood having paid our bills, “how about spending a day with me this Saturday?”
“Why not?” she agreed delighted. To which I replied we’d be meeting up at this particular place at around 10am. She raised one of her eyebrows after I mentioned the time and I assured her that I had something in mind hence, the time. I also told her to wear something comfortable and casual.
“All right Les surprise me and amuse me.”
“I will.”
posted by vinz @ 3:14 AM
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Monday, February 13, 2006
MINI SERIES VOLUME: 5
I was in one of my writing moods at my usual spot at that far away coffee shop when she asked me if I had a light. I knew I had a frown worn on my face while I wrote because I tend to do that when I’m concentrating in my writing and I didn’t feel like being interrupted. I took the Zippo lighter I always carried from the inside pocket of my jacket and lighted it for her as I looked up.
She was tall, long legs, with flawless skin, killer smile matched with perfect teeth (another pretty face who smokes, just great). I couldn’t help but stare and then she asked if I wanted a stick of cigarette I said I didn’t smoke. As if right on cue her expression became questioning and since, I’ve handled similar situations before.
I smiled coolly and said, “A Gentleman always carries a lighter.” (There you go Les another snappy line! *blech*)
It was uttered with the right intonation, and sincerity; experience was at fault and conversation between us started to flow. I still don’t know how I do it, everything seems to come naturally, lines come and my thoughts pique her interest and curiosity more and more. Three hours have passed, and we were still enjoying our conversation.
Her name is Bianca; she’s working in a marketing firm. I’ve been avoiding the topic of relationship and I think I’ve skillfully eluded the subject because, I really didn’t care. However, normally women who weren’t interested would bring up their boyfriends in a subtle manner during conversations. She has yet to bring the subject and as though my prayers were answered her mobile phone rings a distinct ring-tone. She smiled and I gestured for her to go ahead. I’m assuming that’s her boyfriend, I mean, someone as smart and gorgeous as her at this age couldn’t possibly be single.
She said she had to go; her sister was already waiting for her and is double-parked, -sister? Does that mean she is single?! I stood as she left; she took something from her purse and gave me her card.
“Call me.” She said as she scribbled her land line number at the back of the card. Meanwhile, I reached for my wallet and took out one of my business cards.
I think, a week already passed and I was secretly browsing a few blog sites in my office when I answered a phone call.
“Hey snob,” A female voice said on the other line.
“Pardon me?” I said a bit irritated.
She sighed, “So, that means I didn’t leave an impression with you last week then?”
“Last week, hmm…”
“God you’re dense.”
“Bianca?”
“Yes.” She replied exasperated.
“Hey, sorry, it’s been a busy week. How can I make it up to you?”
“I’m glad you asked. You’ll have lunch with me in an hour.”
posted by vinz @ 5:25 AM
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Sunday, February 12, 2006
A POET’S WANTING
Since I’ve recently decided to become anonymous I’ve decided in revealing my handles (handles are screen names used in the internet) and as for those people who know who I am. Don’t mention my real name here and as you know I can hack and crack accounts at will *sadistic laugh*.
Crazyoldman: from my half-life days. I was the mad scientist who reaches to a 100 kills in less than 30 minutes.
Vinzer Green: vinzer I don’t know how it came by, probably my nickname followed by my last name. No, I am not green minded rather the color and the word green won’t let me go.
Nasty lil Devil: my-oh-my, my mischievous handle; role-played this handle pretty good in a lot of forums and others. To this day I still get private messages when I accidentally log this handle active.
Well, enough of that and on to other matters. It seems that I’ve been avoiding a few sites lately. It’s for the best a voice in me states. My anti-social nature is kicking in and my birthday is coming soon. I can’t help but simply want to pass the time until I get back and immerse myself with the people who I used to find refuge in.
Thank goodness a friend of mine has finally made her presence known again. We were getting worried since we haven’t talked to her in months. I might see her when I come back; I’m really looking forward to it, a night of endless debates and humor. A night in which we find growth within ourselves and a time in which we commune and temper the bonds of friendship we’ve had for years. Ironically, I’ve known her since I was six and we became schoolmates during our senior year in high school. I still can’t believe that I’m still friends with her; I can’t believe I’m capable of having this bond friendship with someone for that long.
I’ll see some of my friends who’ve shed their tears in front me and for a time, I will be a phone call away when they need me. As I have been in the past. My presence shall be felt once again if they need refuge and comfort. I feel like a part of me has slept when I came here and for thirty or so days that part of me will be awake again.
It’s been hard living here, there were times in which it was unbearable and I didn’t have anyone to turn to and I rarely seek refuge. Only a few people have seen me breakdown. Soon I’ll be with them again and we will speak of our dreams and how we will get there.
I will be free to shower my affection with them once again and I will be able to bask in the comfort of their company. A part of me will be awake and I will inspire once again. I will define the meaning of friendship, trust and acceptance. Bonds of friendship are yet to be forged when I return and I can’t wait to start imbuing my heart and soul with them.
posted by vinz @ 10:52 AM
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MINI SERIES VOLUME: 4
“Why can’t guys be more like you? -I mean straight guys be more like you?” she says delighted. I was accompanying Joey shop for clothes, and it’s been hours since we scoured the
tiangges in Greenhills Mall.
I took the plastic bag from the vendor where she bought another blouse, “It amazes you every time doesn’t it?”
She hugs my arm and leads us to another store. “Yes.”
As Joey browsed for clothes to wear she often asks my opinion in regards to the color and style of the clothes she bought. I enjoy these moments, I get to see her face light up or frown with what I have to say. I guess, in a way this was how I learned to compliment and take notice of women’s clothes, hair and make up. There was simply something special when I accompany women shop and it was also like, reliving a childhood memory of my Mom and my siblings walking and entering countless stores when I was a toddler.
I was raised to accompany women shop *chuckles*.
“By-the-way,” she pinches my arm (ouch?!) “Congratulations Mr. Best Dressed of the evening.”
Joey found out. I attended this cocktail party a couple of days ago, Leah needed a date and she knew I had several suits for just the occasion (she went through my clothes while I was in the shower *sniff*). I didn’t know there was a contest involved and well, most of the men there really didn’t dress for a cocktail party, more like for a Music Video Awards *snickers*. I practically saw a couple of wannabe puff daddies or p. diddies or whatever he calls himself nowadays.
How I won? I didn’t have a bloody clue. It was a blur and I think Leah even blushed when the spotlight was set on us and in the midst of all the jabbering.
“Thanks, but I think the reason why I won the contest is that I was the only man who had the presence of mind to actually wear a suit in a cocktail party.” I replied wryly.
“Stuff it Les,” she spanks my arm, “everyone knows you don’t follow trends and you have your own style: innovative yet classic, right?”
Innovative yet classic: we’ve talked about this before, my sense of preference in clothing. No numbers or jersey type of clothing for me *blech*.
“How
did you find out?” I asked.
Joey had this humorous glint while she gazed into my questioning eyes and she laughed in a very sadistic fashion. “I won’t reveal my sources.” She said, “But I do have a favor to ask of you.”
“All right
fine, it’s pointless if you don’t want to tell me.” I shrug. “What can I do that may be of service to her
majesty?” I say with mockery.
She hugs my arm once again and places her cheek on them too as she dragged me to the next store. “I have a
debu to attend to and guess who will be my date?”
posted by vinz @ 4:32 AM
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Friday, February 10, 2006
VENT
Last night we went out and bought the 1 GB memory card I’ve been planning on buying for the digital camera I bought last month. Too bad the LCD protector and the hand strap I wanted to purchase were out of stock. I’ll come back after a few weeks and check or I’ll look at the Sony store near where I work.
I don’t have classes tomorrow and I’m really looking forward to playing that MMORPG I’m addicted in and because of this latest addiction I haven’t read any books or watched any downloaded series. I’ve even avoided meeting up with friends as well.
They worry about me, I know they do.
As of late, I’m comfortable and content by being by myself. I’m not happy, how can I be? When I’m driven to accomplish something that I want so badly however, I am content with the way things are. They do know (my friends) that I’ll TRY and be there for them when they need me.
I’m currently not in control of my emotions as of late hence, hasty decisions I made were treated with acclamation and as well as outbursts of reprobation. Heck, I do have a history of mood swings and tantrums ergo, my need to be alone and be away from any constant communication. Exchanging emails is fine since I have all the time in the world to reply to them.
I’ve been craving for Japanese Cuisine. I want miso soup, I want sushi and RAMEN! I guess, it’s because of the Japanese animations I’ve been watching for a whole year *snickers*.
I miss someone, well, I miss a lot of people but as of late this person seems to be in my thoughts a lot. Is it the conversations we share or the company and ease of each others’ presence that I miss? I’ll try and delve on these thought later on, if it comes again *smiles*. To that someone: I MISS YA! Naks *laughs*.
posted by vinz @ 4:23 AM
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Thursday, February 09, 2006
PRU-TEK-SEEE-YYON
I’ve recently been getting a lot of traffic in my blog and I’ve decided in adding more security measures to protect my writing from plagiarism.
I read in this one blog that blogging seems to be blooming in the Philippines and also, for quite a while I’ve read about people copying other written articles. It makes one think about what type of people would do such a thing as that. I’ve had my share of experience of other people taking credit of my idea and honestly, it pisses me off. They say imitation is the best form of flattery. I say GO F*CK YOURSELF ARSE-SLURPER! (Calm down vinzi, calm down *chuckles*)
Notice the right click and highlight features have been disabled though, it can only do so much. I just hope people would take the hint I don’t want them to copy any of my writings. Not that I’m saying they do, it’s simply a security measure.
I’ve been concentrating a bit in my mini series lately. I’m still trying to define my own style of writing. I have to say the books I’ve read in the past have influenced my timbre and depth of writing however; I must say that writing has become a habit of mine. It’s something I love to do and it soothes me to write and express my thoughts. Being able to express my thoughts with my wide vocabulary of words warms me up pretty good and not to mention finally being confident enough to say that I am articulate and that I can command a silver tongue when I’m in my high and worst.
I try and express who I am in everything that I do, my style, my outlook, and take into mind what people will notice hence, the design and the length to open my site.
I haven’t finished reading any book yet and I still haven’t bought a book for this month, I’ll probably just buy one.
My increase has been approved, just one more signature. The final and most important signature, I’ve been working for a year now. I must say that I’ve learned a lot however, I still have a lot more to learn and experience.
The day has finally ended, in a few minutes I’ll be leaving work and spend a relaxing weekend of me, me, and me. *laughs* I can’t wait.
posted by vinz @ 10:44 AM
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Wednesday, February 08, 2006
CONTEMPLATING ONCE AGAIN
Last night as I was on my ride home the words written by a couple of friends were echoing in my mind. I seem to be doing the right thing, having my presence felt and at the same time not prying into any of their affairs. I guess the reason is I know I can relate to how they are feeling and sometimes, silence is the best answer in everything; silence and an assuring presence that you are there for them.
I honestly don’t want to make a difference in “the” world however; I want to be remembered by people who’ve touched my life. I maybe self-centered at times but it’s all my defense mechanism, I’ve realized that for a time now.
I recall this one conversation I had with a friend of mine who have similar traits as mine. He said, “One of my reasons why I go out of my way to help friends is because I’m selfish. I want them to remember when I’m gone.” Words of someone who’ve tried and failed to commit suicide, the sort of which after having undergone the ordeal realizes how much life offers despite, how sh*t happens and how unfair it seems to be at times.
God has been really good to me. With his grace I have written six very complex and complicated sonnets. I hope they get published and I have to thank my friends for providing me inspiration with the experiences they’ve shared.
Have you ever realized that you unwittingly tend to make the right decisions without thinking things through? I tend to do that lately and it makes me realize that I really am good. Not the demented little devil I believe I am to be.
Today is too stressful for me. I feel like I’m having my defense in college nonstop. Negotiating deals right and left. I can’t wait until this day ends and whisk myself out of the office.
I’ll be getting shots tonight though. I just hope it won’t take long. I really want to eat dinner and relax. The shots are for anti-meningitis. The best cure is prevention that’s what I heard.
Anyhow, I should try and make more effort and communicate with my friends here. I promise to call some of them this week and even send emails. I just wish I’m not always the one, who initiates the communication but then again, they know how I value my space and my time alone.
posted by vinz @ 10:38 AM
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MINI SERIES VOLUME: 3
I’ve been staring at my screen for the past minute. I usually tend to know what to say and what words to utter but with this it seems that anything I write would seem wrong and not the feelings I want to evoke. I’m an avid reader and writer and I really take written thoughts seriously.
I’ve know her for quite a while and she maintains a blog site like I do. We met in college because we were classmates in English literature. It was one of my favorite classes for that semester, the dialogues and the exchanges were something I looked forward to.
It’s been years since we graduated but for some reason we maintained our communication. We considered each other friends despite we rarely hanged out though, interacted well enough via emails and rarely phone calls.
She was troubled and I didn’t know what to say for there isn’t anything to say. I didn’t want to pry but I wanted her to know that I’m here for her.
Finally I’ve decided what I wanted to say.
I wrote her the following message: “hey cleo…”
That was it. But as I typed those few measly characters with it I poured in my concern and care for her well being. With it I gave a small prayer to have her feel what I meant, the assurance in which she has a friend to be there for her, I didn’t care about the details, all I cared about was for her to be fine and happy.
A few hours later I received a response from my message: Hey Les :)
I hastily typed the following: *hugs* want to grab some coffee?
My phone beeps, a text message from Cleo: “sure, pick me up in 10mins?”
I quickly got up and in between getting dressed replied to her message with: “wl b dr” (That is I will be there in ten minutes in text language *chuckles*)
A few minutes later Cleo and I were on our way to a small quaint coffee shop where I usually take my dates after dinner to talk. It’s a cozy coffee shop and not many people we are acquainted with know the place. I held her wrist on the ride over and she placed her free hand on mine.
We didn’t talk and we didn’t stay in the shop, we just ordered coffee (tea for her) for take out and she suggested we stayed in my car. So there we were, sitting there as we held close to each other. She had her eyes closed and tears were brimming.
My throat got stiff and dry. There was a burning sensation in the middle of my chest. I told myself “BE STRONG LES! DON’T LET THAT TEAR FALL!”
But it did, a whopping tear fell from the Macho Man. Mr. Cool-and-Suave is really Mr. Senti the bookworm. Thank God, this will only be between she and I, -wait a minute. She doesn’t know yet. Good, great.
She stirs and looks at me. I smile weakly and eased her head on my chest, hushing her.
posted by vinz @ 8:41 AM
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MINI SERIES VOLUME: 2
“
Kasi for me s*x is just s*x
lang”
Ouch that hurt. I can’t believe so much has changed in just a year. Was it only yesterday that I was comforting her as she shed tears? She gave everything to the guy, her first time, her heart and soul. She was merely used, merely seduced by an older, buffed up athlete.
As corny it felt like I reached out and embraced her. Before she could react or push me away I said these words gently to her, “Sweetie, doing it isn’t the answer, I wish I know what to say and convince you that doing it won’t help a thing but,” and now for the sarcastic humor, “If you insist might as well do it with me.”
We both laughed.
“It’s becoming too mushy; I had to say an ice breaker.”
“
Baliw ka talaga! You started out fine but you ruined it.” She says in between laughter.
“I don’t really care about s*x; s*x is s*x, no requirements attached.”
Those are music to any guy’s ears and probably any guy would think of a way getting into her pants right now. I know a part of me is thinking about it. Thankfully my angel is telling me to: BEHAVE! BEHAVE! *crack* BEHAVE I SAY!
Crap, I’m too honest about my thoughts *chuckles*.
“Joey, you’re still my friend and I’ll support you with whatever decisions you make and I accept you for who you are however, it doesn’t mean I won’t knock some sense into you.” I say with brotherly love oozing all over me.
“I know and that’s why I love you Les.” She says with so much sisterly affection that made me flinch. Am I for real? Am I really this good or appreciated?
“Yes, is the answer to your questions, you just don’t want to admit it and you just don’t want to lose that macho image you think of yourself as.” A voice in me states.
“Oh I accidentally gave him a hickey.”
Hickey: hickey a small inflamed elevation of the skin; a pustule or papule; common symptom in acne. Synonymous to: pimple OR a temporary red mark on a person's skin resulting from kissing or sucking by their lover Synonymous to: love bite. Christ Almighty Les, you’re such a bloody nerd.
“Earth to Les, Earth to Les… hello? You’re not thinking what I think your thinking?” she stares at me accusingly.
“Of course not, Joey look, you know I care for you and I think of your well being a lot and I think I’ve said what I can about the matter however, you have to promise me that when you do it, you do it with protection.”
“You’re such a big brother to me,” she kisses me on the cheek and says, “I promise.”
“You’ll eventually get hurt,” I told her, doing my best impersonation of an older brother. “And I’ll be here for you; sometimes we have to experience matters in order to become stronger. People who care for you can only do so much to protect you but they can’t prevent you from making the decisions you make."
posted by vinz @ 12:43 AM
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Tuesday, February 07, 2006
SET BACKS
I changed the title of my latest sonnet. I had an additional hidden meaning in mind but I couldn’t fit it in however, this morning I was thinking about the structures and it dawned on me, I just need to change one word and everything will fit. So I did, but I had to choose that word with the starting letter that coincides with the sonnet as well as flow from one’s lips.
There I was again, pounding my brain for that word, searching and trying out different meanings with the first word of the title and I believe I just did that. The word just seemed to pop into my mind and I thought about it, reflected upon it and so it became the new title: SONNET VI (REQUITE OBSCURITY).
I’m chatting with a good old buddy of mine while I’m writing this article and I told him that we should go to Boracay before we turn 30. Also I might not be going back to the Philippines for the next 3-5 years after my vacation this 2006. The old gang will be there. College friends turned close friends.
They were the only ones I invited in my despida before I left. I cooked my insanely infamous pasta that was matched with my sumptuous garlic bread. It was a good night, mingled with friends, hugs and kisses were in excess. None of them drinks which is what I liked about the old gang, no one gets drunk but everyone is high from good old fashion laugh trips and witty retorts.
I’m really looking forward to my vacation and my old buddy has become a home buddy since I left. I promised him we’ll date often *chuckles* if Liz allows him to.
I’ll make this vacation memorable for all us, memorable in the sense it’s something to look forward to in the future.
Liz by the way is his pet iguana *laughs*.
I have this friend of mine who owns a scorpion *blink-blink*. Golly, kids nowadays really have exotic tastes. Speaking of pets, I miss my dogs, too bad my oldest dog passed away three months I left, her offspring is turning three this year and amusingly enough, I know his birthday. I mean who wouldn’t forget September 11, right? I recall that morning waking up and seeing how my dog’s pregnancy was and saw the litter before me.
I recall the evenings I spent with that dog, showering her with affection as I talked, she seemed to understand and always gave a look that seems to me that she listens. For some reason I connect with those dogs and I miss them, it’s unfortunate that one of them passed away.
I’ll probably look for my dog when I first get home *laughs* and see how he has been, I’ll try and fatten him up when I come back.
I’m looking forward to meeting up with my friends and spend time one on one time with them as what we usually do. I’m not the type of guy who mingles with a lot of people and even though I have quite a network of friends and most of which I really took great care of developing my relationships with; the secret is just that, one on one time; shopping, movies, eating out, sensible conversations etc.
I’ve made new friends too, I’m looking forward to spending time with them but I think one of the matters I’ve been wanting to happen is to meet up with childhood friends, I haven’t seen them in eight years and I know I’ve loved them even before I knew the word or what love meant.
posted by vinz @ 3:43 AM
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Monday, February 06, 2006
MY MAMMY
My Mom is a very generous person and she can talk. Only the family knows her capabilities when she starts talking and because of that I developed a problem when people start raising their voices at me however, that’s simply the down side.
My Mom keeps the family intact it’s through her upbringing why my siblings and I are brought up as such. She is a conservative, a traditionalist and a realist all in the same. She makes decisions and despite the risks she takes it on because she knows that with hard work, patience and a lot of prayer everything will pan out.
Back in 2004 I was rushed to the E.R. and quite frankly I thought I was going to die and in those moments it was my Mom who was in my thoughts, I didn’t want to disappoint her for being weak and I still had a lot to accomplish in my life. Mainly I want her to live with ease and tour around the world.
One of my dreams that I’m working on is to have my parents tour the globe.
I realize now that out of my family I’m the only one who sees her perspective clearly and is most likely to take the same decisions she makes. When it comes down to it if any of us (my siblings and I) introduce the woman in our lives to our Mom, they better get along with her otherwise, hmm… I don’t know what will happen.
She is very patient and understanding. Supports our decision and trusts the goodness in us. My siblings when they get along with people they give a hundred percent of themselves to them, all in the name of friendship. My Mom even goes out of her way for us when we ask of it however, once any of us gets hurt or is insulted by any of those friends we get along with and we didn’t do a thing. Then, prepare yourself to feel her wrath.
She rarely speaks her mind with other people and she confides her dislikes and disapprovals that are in her thoughts with me on most days and I happen to agree with her. There’s a deep protectiveness when in comes to blood and I share that with my Mom. Even if sometimes my siblings disappoint me with how they handled different situations however, for me time can heal everything and that usually applies only with blood. Sometimes certain hurt could have been easily avoided if they were simply uttered, I understand their needs but everything comes to a point where it’s too much.
Last night was a bit amusing and scary. My younger brother was insulted by someone he has been very generous with and that is to the point his name went on the line to help this person. My Mom has supported him since the beginning even if she disapproves his way to handle things and later on she found out that he went far and beyond helping this person.
My Mom got pissed.
She told this someone the matters that my sibling has done for that person. I can’t go into the details of what happened surmise to say, it was one of those rare moments in which my Mom would say things like that to other people. Usually it happens to us in the family but to see it while she does it to that person. Dang. I was amused and I found it a bit funny because, I’ve wanted it to happen for the longest time. My sibling has been used and it’s one of the things I’ve been praying for since I got here; that he sees the light and realizes that he is being taken for granted. I’ve mentioned how my siblings are on a previous article and I made a promise to myself I won’t be like them. I think that’s one of the reasons why my Mom will prefer to live with me when the time comes because; I’m more like her than my siblings or that I lean more into her decisions and agree with her.
My parents listens more to us now and is interested how our day went and because of that, they usually take us out to dinner. It’s the only time where in we don’t get to do anything but eat and talk. Asking how our day went and listen to the stories of what happened to us at work. You see the gleam in their eyes and the feeling of pride when they listen. They are proud parents to have sons who are following their dreams and doing what they can to get there with their unyielding support.
I realize they prioritize us more than themselves especially when it comes to material things. Not most parents are like that based from my experience. I thought in the past that parents were supposed to prioritize their children’s happiness more than themselves, I was ignorant then. Soon, I pray and trust that soon my siblings and I will be able to provide our parents a life of luxury and leisure. My Mom is a simple woman who isn’t materialistic but knows how to dress and care for herself.
I remember my professor in college, he was an old man who had a lot of experience in life, he was animated, funny and a hell of a history teacher, he never got married since, the love of his life died during martial law anyhow, that’s a different story for another time. He said to us that men would want to marry someone like their mother and I think he is right because some of the traits I’m looking for are based from what my Mom has.
posted by vinz @ 12:59 AM
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Thursday, February 02, 2006
THE NUMBER 2 AND WHAT HAVE YOU
This article will be the 222nd page in my private journal and finding it the first of February I thought I should emphasize why my favorite number is two.
To some of my friends I’ve related the significance of this number however for those of who haven’t then, kindly humor me in reading this entry.
But first, it doesn’t entail anything rather just too many cosmic coincidences with the number.
I was born on February Twenty Two, Nineteen Eighty Two (02.22.82)
I am the second eldest of three siblings.
My full name is C*****s Vinzon ******s and that is 20 letters all in all.
Vinzon is my second name and the letter “V” is the 22nd letter of the alphabet.
My grandmother from my Father’s side has a twin sister.
My Father is the second eldest of his family.
My Mother is the second family of her mother since, my grandma’s first husband died in the war.
Both my parents have 11 siblings, which makes that they are all 12 and I have 22 uncles/aunts.
And lastly, as far as birthdays goes in my family. Me and my mom share birthdays on the same month, her birthday is on the 23rd.
In my younger days I tried to connect everything with the number 2, I even dated one of twins for a while. I tried to research about how has my same birthday and I found out George Washington’s birthday is the same as mine though he was born on the year 1732 (another 2 digit!).
Maybe this is simply way of proving to me that I am great or that I will be. I’ve taken quite a number of psychology exams to try and understand who I am as a person, in order for me to cope and be a better person.
I’ve found out that I use my left and right hemispheres of my brain equally, hence my love for creative writing and imbuing coded numbers in most of the articles and all of the sonnets I’ve written.
There’s just something about the magnificence of structure and order mingled with spontaneity and passion.
Growing up I’ve had terrible mood swings and I did things I am ashamed off and I recall this one day as I was coming to class in High School. Critical thinking just simply dawned on me and maybe, the reason why it developed was because of the hobby I was playing, it exercised my mind as to which it finally developed. During these times I started to think a lot and empathy soon came as well as regret and repentance for my past deeds.
Surmise to say I had a very eventful childhood that I don’t prefer on reliving though; I was a means to an end. My siblings learned patience and understanding through my mood swings, I was a lot to handle and I find it ironic that after we haven’t seen each other in years we still know how to handle and understand one another. Though, disagreements are inevitable but through them, we grow and learn from it.
I am happy to say that I made a dent in my sibling’s life, a change in him that wouldn’t have occurred if I haven’t returned and lived with them again.
As for my older sibling I made an impression in him before he left that soon became catalyst as to how the family shows affection at present. Before he left I hugged him. That was the first time in all our lives that I did that, it was a show affection that meant I’ll miss him despite everything and that I love the silly bloke regardless how I felt that we never really spent time with one another.
The three of us siblings share a common trait in regards to the women in our lives and that is: we give our all when we commit. However, I have problems committing for I think being in love is still a mystery to me or rather, the scars that I bare from my past still aches. I suppose, I still have a lot to learn.
In between writing this entry my older bro just popped me a message and sent me two compositions he wrote, I’ll add some lyrics to it later however, I’ll use one of his compositions as my source of inspiration for my next sonnet.
Kuya the musician, Bunso the singer and me the writer/poet/lyricist. (naks)
posted by vinz @ 1:18 AM
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Wednesday, February 01, 2006
MESSAGE FROM (BLEEP): VINZ! pssst
I received a wonderful email from a friend earlier this morning; I’ve known her since she was in first year college. She always had this wonderful smile and ambience about her that makes me think of fresh flowers in the morning. I used to call her up and I always end up talking more about me than her, she isn’t the type to seek console with guy friends and takes regard of her family highly. I tend to talk really fast and think really quick what to say to her, I guess, it’s my defense mechanism when I feel insecure.
I realize we’ve been friends for six years and despite that we see each other in school and made plans to see each other outside, nothing seems to push through.
I haven’t seen her in two years and we rarely chat via yahoo messenger. She loved to blog and I often read hers though, her schedule seems to have become busy and it’s only recently that she has started to blog once again. I miss conversing with her; I miss how she talks and how she sees things as well as I miss listening to her amusing antics.
She’s a private person however, despite that, I still manage to see glimpses of her insecurities, strength of will, love for the almighty and of course, her love for her family.
I promised myself that when I come back for my vacation I’ll make time, I’ll even fetch her at work and insist that she spend the next 4 to 5 hours with me either watch a movie, talk, dinner, coffee and/or converse some more.
She’s a wonderful person and I’ve often thought of hugging her –as friends, so that I may bask in the comfort and goodness she brims.
I recall our last ym conversation and she related to me great news and it was about her passing the board exams. To think it was her first try! I was so happy for her, she’s always been studious and takes her studies really seriously and that’s another trait about her that I find admirable.
I may not know her in depth and I’ve had so many experiences with friendship and acquaintances with other people however, with her, it seems no matter how rarely we talk or see each other; the warmth of friendship seems to flow. She is such a pleasant lady and time seems to be good to her. I’ve seen her latest photos and she’s become more radiant and beautiful than ever. For me, it will be a sin if I didn’t let her know how much prettier she has become.
I’m really looking forward to being graced by her presence once again, and maybe, as I spend more time with her I might become a better person. I’ll be looking forward to her perspectives as I relate to her scenes and incidents about my life and I can’t wait to hear her laugh as I recount to her my misadventures in this foreign country.
posted by vinz @ 3:51 PM
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