Saturday, August 28, 2004
A Full Moon and a Marriage Proposal
The lights in his room are off. He lies in bed, eager to get some sleep; he looks to his window and sees a clear view of the moon. It’s been a habit of his over the past five years to write something down when the moon is full or at least 4/5ths full.
Thoughts of her lingers through his mind, it’s a Friday night. She’s probably out, having drinks with close friends. Going out for drinks on Fridays and Saturdays is a scheduled event in her life.
A few days ago, while waiting, he wrote something down on a piece of paper. As he finished writing the words that came to his mind, he noticed that he wrote a marriage proposal and, the only part missing was asking her to accept the ring and marry him.
Probably, the reason why he was led to write this was because the day before that he was watching “queer eye for the straight guy” and in this episode the guy proposed to his six year Polish girlfriend. The lady cried, tears of joy, it was an emotional moment and he couldn’t help his eyes go foggy. It was as though the lady in the episode came into terms that his boyfriend wouldn’t ever ask her hand in marriage for a long time and, when he did, she was delightedly surprised, that she couldn’t help but shed tears.
These few lines were inspired from that episode:
The only few good things that happened to me in this life is you. And nothing can ever change that.
The history we’ve shared, the memories we reminisce, the warmth that I feel in my heart, as I think of you, is all do to the past we’ve wonderfully spent.
You are everything I ever dreamed of and more. And it’ll be the happiest day/night of my life, if you’d accept this ring and marry me. I love you
posted by vinz @ 4:43 PM
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Wednesday, August 25, 2004
Contemplating
Patience has never been my strength. One of several traits I’ve been struggling since birth. Although, compared to how I was then to now. A lot has improved.
With sheer will, perseverance and a ton of understanding from my closest friends, I’ve improved. Possibly, age has helped in doing so and, vast experiences of crude scenarios that needn’t have happened, helped as well.
Admitting from mistakes and apologizing is still difficult and practicing humility is challenging. Nevertheless, I try and do so.
To be understanding and be a beacon of hope to my friends maybe frustrating however, in the end, I know I’ll be there for them no matter what. To do the best I can to comfort them with what means I’m capable of.
At times I maybe cocky and a bit brash but believe me, I regret every ounce of it and do my utmost not to be.
I know who I am and because of it, I know what to change and should pursue the relentless task of humility and simplicity.
To some of you, may find me overtly generous if not, kind and with that, suspicions arise from your friends I’m not acquainted with. The reason for which, a common trait of my family ergo, it’s our parents upbringing. Earn our precious trust and we treat you with diligent respect and care.
I’m not one who’s into a relationship however, three women has done so in the past, in making me commit, that is. And among the three: two, I did commit with. The latter, well, let’s just say that I was had.
That isn’t to say that I wouldn’t want to commit nor, am I not interested in ONE particular lady.
As of present, I’d rather be a friend who tries to spend as much time to the people I’ve cared for and loved these past several years. Dear friends: that I’ve shared a history with. Individuals: who’ve seen the worst and best in me?
posted by vinz @ 12:20 PM
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Sunday, August 22, 2004
Perplexing Deduction
He takes into account what the week has been for him and ponders, that all this won’t last, changes will eventually occur and he has to prepare himself.
The steps he is taking at the moment maybe little, however, steps have been made. He might be afraid of what the motions have been set yet, he moves on.
Regarding a certain someone, it surprises him to find himself thinking of her. He sees her rarely and they occasionally talk. Yet, undoubtedly, he is attracted to her and for once, in a long time, doesn’t seem to know what to do or how to pursue her. She has been a great deal of help, the feelings that he has nurtured for her has led him to write several articles about her and a few lyrics to songs composed by a friend. She might very well be the best thing that happened and yet, didn’t happen to him.
As the night wanders on, whenever he feels confused or seems to be lost, he finds himself re-reading through several of his favorite books. As of present, the two books written by Nicholas Sparks has found its way next to his pillow in bed.
The books are “the Notebook” and “the Wedding”. There’s something about the author that he seems to find a connection with. The characters in both books reflect some of his characteristics and mentality. There’s also something about love lost and gained themes that appeals to him.
Love is such a big word that holds a lot of depth and I find myself veering off to this word and topic although, hints and tinges of it have been expressed countless of times in my writing.
I’ve come a long way from expressing myself. It’s hard to believe that I used to write and send it to the Internet anonymously and five years later, here I am posting these with my name attached to them.
Last year, I fulfilled a New Year resolution. This year, I made two. The first is writing these article/journal entries and the second meeting a certain celebrity.
Fulfilling these resolutions is my way of training myself to reaching my goals: being successful in life financially, mentally/physically and spiritually.
Life doesn’t conform to the way we plan it. No one knows what the future holds and yet, I believe with sheer will, determination and the ability to adapt and compromise, one will be able to succeed with all his aspirations in this life.
posted by vinz @ 1:13 PM
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Tuesday, August 17, 2004
While I'm Listening To Your Song
“Every time I hear the intro to the song the lyrics I wrote for you, a searing comes to heart and memories of a day I got the courage to strike up a conversation with you.
“In my heart of hearts I know something worthwhile can come of us.
“As the chorus to the song commences, your face mingles into mind, the sparkle in your eyes as we converse, the movement of your lips that I can’t seem to get enough of, at the same time as I listen to you reveal the latest happenings in your life. I feel my love for you; ever so vividly grow stronger and deeper.
“Friends say why bother and wish since; I’ve never really begun? True, and yet I can’t help doing so.
“Should I wait for an ample opportunity? And as of present, be a friend that can be counted upon as I have been to some of my closest?
“As the song fades to end a sense of wishful thinking slowly dawns on me and all I might be left with is empty promises and false hopes, that is if, I won’t take the initiative…”
posted by vinz @ 2:48 PM
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Tuesday, August 10, 2004
Yielding To The Whims Of My Thoughts
Honestly, I don’t know where this intense feeling I have for her will take me. She has filled my days with longing and my thoughts with yearning. I confided my feelings to a friend and she told me that it isn’t like me to pursue someone this slow.
Truthfully, the reason is; I don’t want to rush and with the responsibilities I have at the moment, I’ve no choice. The few subtle means I can nurture my feelings for her is to write them into words and hopefully, express the chastity of what I have for her with my passion. I may be far from the men she’s been with, however, I could possibly be the most altruistic. Probably, the only one who is attracted to her that realizes how special and delicate she is.
I sense fragility about her, although, I know she handles herself pretty well and yet, I can’t help perceiving so.
A dear friend of mine, once told me that the secret to the relationship she has, was that it took a lot of working things out and understanding. Could I possibly follow on her footsteps? Will I succeed all the men before me have not? May I be prosperous in showing to her that true love is still possible in this day and age?
Besides my busy schedule, I frequently find myself looking to my watch and pondering on thoughts of what she’s doing right at that moment. Probably, she’s at her best friend’s home or quite possibly, sleeping or surfing in the net at home. I think of simple things; is she smiling or even blushing as she reads through this article or a baffled smile expressing, perhaps?
Let me indulge on thoughts on having walks with her and then, watching the sunset together with a great view over a quaint dinner. Or thoughts on accompanying her shop for clothes after which have ice cream to treat us because of the day’s activities. Or having her over and I’d cook for her lunch and then catch a movie, afterwards, have coffee and talk endlessly.
I may be a great of many things, however, all I intend to be exalted for is being with her.
posted by vinz @ 2:57 PM
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Sunday, August 08, 2004
Hesitations
I have her in my arms, comforting her with the best to my abilities, tears are streaming down her face, she’s scared and I am as well. I can’t let myself shed a tear; I have to be strong for her.
Being touchy with my friends is still a whole different territory for me. I need to show her that I’m with her no matter what, that I love her and care for her immensely. And to have her in my arms is the only way I could do so and it defeats any word that I may speak.
Dear God, I hope the advice I’ve given her is for the best and please guide me through this difficult time.
Since this morning, I felt like that I have a pit in my stomach, I have a headache and it feels like I’m going to get sick. I’ve taken some medicine and I feel a bit woozy.
Why do I feel so scared for her? Probably, empathy is at fault or is it because she’s one of my dearest and loved friends? And the thought of her getting hurt, pains me.
I wish the time I spent with her were enough for her to gain some courage and strength. If not, let her other friends that she’ll meet up with, imbue her some.
It appears to be that this past week, friends of mine look to me for strength and guidance. I pray that I may have succeeded in doing so, for their sake and mine.
At present, I am currently in a dilemma and I may have strayed from the right path a bit. I owe my deepest gratitude to my friends who have been attempting to get me to the right path. It seems I’m veering to it once again.
No more one night stands for me.
Let the cravings subside and my frustrations, be resolved, accordingly.
Why are there so many hesitations? And after I’ve deliberated with it for so many hours and even days, I come up with empty handed.
There are so many factors that are playing in my life, too many consequences and repercussions. The rewards, I fear may not substantiate to it because of what I’m feeling, -all because of what I’m feeling; hesitating, doubts, fear and yet, I’ve to be a source of strength and enlightenment to my beloved friends.
As I lie here in bed, I ask myself; how do I do so? How do I be so?
posted by vinz @ 1:55 PM
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Saturday, August 07, 2004
Loose Thoughts
A couple of days ago, he spent time with a couple of friends. He tagged along as they shopped for clothes. The day spent was immensely fun; they had time to catch up on each other and given advices to their life’s current dilemma.
On the way back, his friend asked him a question that’s been nagging at him up to this moment.
“Why was he still single?”
Of course, the question was supported with a brief statement that she knows how he treats, cares for them and knows that any lady would be so lucky to have him.
He doesn’t really know for sure. The few probable reasons that come to mind are: he has to manage the business he and his colleagues are putting up, he will be leaving the country real soon, he wants to have something that he could be proud of; a job or his own business, he’s afraid of getting into a serious relationship?
A few days pass.
He takes a moment to relax, the whole day was hectic and he finally lies in bed then, it hits him, like a piano falling down on him from a building.
He closes his eyes and attempts not to remember the words written on the message and yet, it was to no avail.
Why is it every time he thinks of really getting into a serious relationship again, it turns sour if not, bitter?
The few women he is utterly attracted to always end for not. Could it be the reason is that he knew first hand it would never work? That’s why he invests so much emotion into it? The prospect of getting hurt is all too appealing to him?
He can’t say for sure, how come it is so?
posted by vinz @ 12:53 PM
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Tuesday, August 03, 2004
Drawn To thoughts Of You
There was a full moon last night and on evenings such as this, I find myself drawn to write whimsical thoughts of influences, at present, in my life.
I’ve wanted to see you. For some reason, you’ve struck a chord in me and I fear I’m coming down with something. And this something is a longing for you. A wanting, to take all your pain away and make you feel loved and secure. A desire, to take all those doubts that you may have away. Away from all the conceptions and experiences that you have passed in this path.
Allow me to be your beacon of light and show you how life could be if you’ll have me in addition to yours.
I know you’ve been hurt and I see it in your eyes and I feel envy.
I feel envy to the person that has caused you this because, for sure, you care a great deal for him.
He has no idea what he’s missing out on.
I may’ve been subtle to make any impression in your life and the reasons for that isn’t because I’m pursuing another woman.
No, it isn’t for that, rather, I’m pursuing a goal that I’ve made fourteen years ago and that is for my parents need not worry of money and have them travel to see the world. I know my parents are proud of their children and we’ve felt their love, in their own ways of showing it.
In retrospect, it’s to secure a future. A future in which I hope you’ll be a part in. I’m only twenty-two and I’m already ahead and making the necessary steps to fulfill it.
With that said, I leave you with this question: Can I take you out on a date?
posted by vinz @ 12:16 PM
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