Thursday, July 22, 2004
Apologies And Maturity
There are moments when you find yourself with all humility asking forgiveness on deeds that needn’t be mentioned however, a must to be remembered, for it will serve you as a land mark onto which a place you wouldn’t want to set foot again.
Even though, you’ve swallowed all the pride in you and bowed your head, asking for three simple words that mean the world to you. It’s even more difficult to forgive. How can a wounded spirit start mending its self? It’s not like you could go to the nearest drug store and buy the remedy for it.
I wonder what it’s like when a person has apologized with all sincerity and was answered with nothing? Not a word and not even an expression.
What thoughts are running through one’s mind?
Time can only tell.
Apologies are carried out with empathy, sincerity and the gist, humility. Taking, accepting that apology and learning to forgive is an even more daunting task. Time can only tell of its result.
We will definitely encounter people that seem to boast their tactlessness, parading themselves in society that not only embarrasses them but also the family they were brought up to.
Do thoughts: I’m representing my family come to mind? Or is it one’s individualism the core to their philosophy?
We come by adulthood with age, however; maturity comes with awareness if not, experience.
I find it difficult to believe that some of the mid-twenty to early thirties people I meet lack maturity. From the way they talk, to the way they carry themselves, to the way they act and their current status in life, which, also pertains to still living with their parents.
Whatever happened to standing on your own?
Where is the ambition of making a name for your self?
Is it because that they were pampered too much growing up?
You can’t fault your parents for that. They didn’t want you to experience the hardship the way they did and yet, they are depriving you one of the greatest lessons in life, the experience they went through were the elements that lead to their success in life. And now that you’re aware of it, what are you going to do about it?
Taking risks is a leap of faith. The gravity of the consequences is real and you will feel its repercussions. Eventually, you will succeed and with it the rewards you reap.
posted by vinz @ 10:54 AM
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Thursday, July 15, 2004
Mending Old Wounds
Today, I had a chance to mend a wound I caused someone I was involved with last December. I was granted as such and I hoped that she could move on accordingly.
I’m not one to take advantage and certainly am not one to lie. The talk we had could quite possibly, uplifted her spirits and let her pass the wallowing thoughts of what could have, no more.
Surprisingly, I’ve managed everything according to my rough plan. I don’t know how I done it. Perhaps, a guiding hand, assisted me?
At least this is one incident in my life that has reached closure. It’s a wonder that I still know how she thinks and the answer she’s been longing to hear has finally come. That it can’t work out between us.
Let the searing pain that I caused her be mended by my actions that I’ve done so. And let her lead a life of happiness that she fully deserves, she’s a wonderful person and any man would be so fortunate to have her.
posted by vinz @ 10:35 PM
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Tuesday, July 13, 2004
The First and Last Time I'm To Mention This
Sometimes I wonder, why I deprive myself of certain affairs. Why haven’t I taken the initiative and do what I have to do to resolve matters.
Why do I linger on thoughts that will eventually lead to disappointment?
Could it be that I relish the thought of being so?
With the pain it entails lead me to a higher self?
I suppose, I’ve reached the end of a cycle and I’m currently in the process of rising from the fall. Or is it just that being away from my family taking its toll?
Sure, I see them a month in a year. I try and avoid thoughts of them in fear of growing weak and not being able to accomplish my goals.
In truth, I dream of moments of familiar day-to-day activities that my parents do. Simple things really: from my mom’s hollering of time for dinner, from my father’s booming laughter.
I’ve grown to become a better man than I was six years ago and yet, I can’t help but feel that there’s a void still lacking in this shell of a heart and soul.
posted by vinz @ 5:44 PM
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Monday, July 12, 2004
Time Of Need
Here I am, at the face of adversity and my friend looks to me at the brink of tears, begging for strength and courage. Even though my knees are trembling and seemed like glass, I anticipated the worst, all the haunting experience of fights and bashes seemed to come back to me and I was ready to take him and be there for her, in her time of need.
I expressed decisiveness and confidence, I felt as though I was draining his aura and feeding it to mine, for I believed I was at the side of righteousness.
He whimpers “ no, don’t, please” as she tries in vain to get away from his hold and I thought, how pathetic can he go? And retorted to his statement as I begin to help my friend. “ Be a man, take it like one, suck it up and leave her be”.
I looked behind me and saw security and asked for assistance, for it’s fast becoming a scene.
I finally got him to release her. And we walked towards the guard to which he was calling for more assistance and probably, wanting to call the police.
We reported the incident and saw my friend get into her car and drove off with me close behind her.
Later on that evening, when it was all behind us, she hugged me to give thanks and all I could think about was, don’t, I’m all sweaty. Man, what was I thinking? It was a touchy-feely moment, I’m sorry?
I should’ve hugged her a bit longer, I knew she needed it.
This hasn’t been my first time to come into a situation like this one. And I hope, these creeps would come to their damn senses to move on and leave them be.
She promised to come by tomorrow and, I promised to myself I’ll give her all the support and affection she needs. She is one of my oldest and dearest friends. I try and do my best to be there for her whenever she’s in a jam and I hope, that I’ve succeeded in doing so tonight.
posted by vinz @ 6:46 PM
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Sunday, July 04, 2004
For Someone Who Keeps Me Warm
I know we are worlds apart but, opposites do attract and it seems that I find myself, without a doubt, captivated by you. It was probably the little things that you do that led me this wonderful feeling towards you; reading your posts from time to time showed me where your heart and soul is.
As weeks pass by, I unknowingly yearn for you. I try not to delve on these thoughts for it seems impossible for me to be a part of your life yet, there are moments when opportunity presents itself and I, without any hesitation, take it. So as long as I can be with you even though it’ll just be for a few hours, I’d still relish it.
I can’t see myself not taking you for granted. I can’t help stop the feeling that you deserve a lot more…
My life is full of inhibitions and I won’t allow any of it when it comes to you.
Last night, I was utterly mesmerized by you. I couldn’t take my eyes off your countenance. I hoped that you looked into my eyes and see what my soul is offering you.
I’ve waited weeks for this opportunity to see you and yet, I had to leave before you. My apologies, I was fatigued.
Prior to that evening, when I woke up that day I vividly remember my dream: I was walking into what seems to be a hotel when I saw you sitting at the lobby listening to someone narrate a story. Before long I was beside you. Even though, I noticed I was speaking a mile a minute, I couldn’t hear what I was saying let alone knew what I was talking about. It just felt right to be there with you. And what better way to end the day than to be with you later on that evening?
As I have stated before, you are my fount of inspiration and happiness…
posted by vinz @ 5:03 PM
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